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Help & Advice Everywhere I go, Enemies I make

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  #1    
Old October 10th, 2018 (11:49 AM). Edited 4 Weeks Ago by gimmepie.
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So for some reason, i must be that guy almost everyone hates. Because no matter where I go, I make enemies. School, PC, Discord, another forum. I make many enemies, everywhere. I dont even know how it happens, I dont even know how to go about it either. Like certain threads i dont even want to post in (not gonna state names, sorry if you wanted to know) because the person was in the thread. Anybody got some tips of how to deal with this? Or even try and prevent it? I just don't know how fix things, how to prevent it.
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Old October 10th, 2018 (12:33 PM). Edited October 10th, 2018 by Cherrim.
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Some selfreflection might be in order. You are not really giving us much information to work with, so there's not a lot to say. Like, are you picking a fight with others? Some tend to do this even unintentionally due to, e.g., lack of manners and whatnot.
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Old October 10th, 2018 (12:36 PM).
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I'm sorry that you've felt stressed here on PC. This is an internet forum, and somewhere you should come to have a good time. :)

As far as specific individuals go - if there are issues where someone is breaking the rules, please contact a member of the moderator/administrator team.

If you have issues with a moderator/staff member, please contact an administrator. We would want to make sure inappropriate behavior is addressed accordingly.

If rules are not being broken, might I suggest PMing the person? I know that can be intimidating on its own, but I find that reaching out to someone directly and trying to talk out whatever issues one might have can help get to the root of issues. This might also prevent any issues from occurring in the future, too.

If that, however, does not work - might I suggest adding the person or people to your ignore list on the forums/discord? To do so on the forums, click on their name, and click add to ignore list. On Discord, you would right click the person's name and click "Block".

As far as IRL/School goes...that's kind of a different thing. High School is only temporary - once you get to college [community or not], you can have the chance to start off with a clean slate. That that regard, might I suggest joining clubs/extracurricular if/when you go to college? You might even try doing it at the beginning of next semester or next year in high school. You can meet friends there :)
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Old October 10th, 2018 (12:47 PM).
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ursula View Post
I'm sorry that you've felt stressed here on PC. This is an internet forum, and somewhere you should come to have a good time. :)

As far as specific individuals go - if there are issues where someone is breaking the rules, please contact a member of the moderator/administrator team.

If you have issues with a moderator/staff member, please contact an administrator. We would want to make sure inappropriate behavior is addressed accordingly.

If rules are not being broken, might I suggest PMing the person? I know that can be intimidating on its own, but I find that reaching out to someone directly and trying to talk out whatever issues one might have can help get to the root of issues. This might also prevent any issues from occurring in the future, too.

If that, however, does not work - might I suggest adding the person or people to your ignore list on the forums/discord? To do so on the forums, click on their name, and click add to ignore list. On Discord, you would right click the person's name and click "Block".

As far as IRL/School goes...that's kind of a different thing. High School is only temporary - once you get to college [community or not], you can have the chance to start off with a clean slate. That that regard, might I suggest joining clubs/extracurricular if/when you go to college? You might even try doing it at the beginning of next semester or next year in high school. You can meet friends there :)
Not to get into too much detail and put blame on them, because its on both of us honestly. But i have messaged the person. You should honestly see my block list on discord, its waaaaay too long. Im already in sports, like Unified Tennis and Unified Boccee Ball (which is very fun btw) and it does help, but then I come home and deal with my dad. Just seems like where ever I go, I end up making enemies with someone (or them not wanting to talk to me anymore)
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Old October 10th, 2018 (1:29 PM). Edited October 10th, 2018 by JJ Styles.
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    May i ask if you are the very kind of VERY OUTSPOKEN kind of person?

    Because sometimes, the most outspoken of people are the ones who seem to rub people on the wrong way, especially if you are the kind of person who seems to think that what you value is right, and when you see other people go against your values and beliefs, you tend to see them as "Imbeciles". Just something i may be thinking about, since i have a bunch of friends who seem to be very outspoken on what they believe in, to the point of getting into petty arguments with myself occasionally :V

    Also i will say this, at least for the internet side of the issue. I mean to say this in order to be of some help so here i go. In the internet side of things such as in forums, discord, etc, if you feel that there are people who seem to go against what you value or you like from the way they speak, the expressions they use, or their own opinions or whatnot, its easy (at least for me) to simply NOT REACT to any of these people whom you know you will not see eye to eye.

    I've felt like that before, even in this forum. There are people in this forum who i didn't like, and at times, i felt like messing around and F*****g around with them by actually responding but under the guise of an alternate account where i would speak in a tone that's befitting of said alt. account to cause some unwanted drama and situations that people aren't asking for. I wasn't proud of what i did (and i may be getting in trouble for digging this stupid situation from the grave it was buried 70 feet under OMEGALUL), but at the end of the day, even those people didn't really care. And that's something that one should learn in order to reduce the baggage.

    One of the best signs of maturity is to simply not react to EVERY Situation there is. Because while the average human life span can stay up to 90 years of age (depending on how healthy one is), we still have a limited time in this world before we eventually pass away and become a statistic. We can simply use the time that we have doing things we care about, and more importantly doing things to help improve our lives instead of reacting to people who we will feel hostile towards. Hostility, especially in the internet, is something that we can all easily skip over by knowing the simple yet effective method of "Not giving a ****" about things we shouldn't really care about.
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    Old October 10th, 2018 (1:58 PM).
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    Originally Posted by Xin View Post
    May i ask if you are the very kind of VERY OUTSPOKEN kind of person?

    Because sometimes, the most outspoken of people are the ones who seem to rub people on the wrong way, especially if you are the kind of person who seems to think that what you value is right, and when you see other people go against your values and beliefs, you tend to see them as "Imbeciles". Just something i may be thinking about, since i have a bunch of friends who seem to be very outspoken on what they believe in, to the point of getting into petty arguments with myself occasionally :V

    Also i will say this, at least for the internet side of the issue. I mean to say this in order to be of some help so here i go. In the internet side of things such as in forums, discord, etc, if you feel that there are people who seem to go against what you value or you like from the way they speak, the expressions they use, or their own opinions or whatnot, its easy (at least for me) to simply NOT REACT to any of these people whom you know you will not see eye to eye.

    I've felt like that before, even in this forum. There are people in this forum who i didn't like, and at times, i felt like messing around and F*****g around with them by actually responding but under the guise of an alternate account where i would speak in a tone that's befitting of said alt. account to cause some unwanted drama and situations that people aren't asking for. I wasn't proud of what i did (and i may be getting in trouble for digging this stupid situation from the grave it was buried 70 feet under OMEGALUL), but at the end of the day, even those people didn't really care. And that's something that one should learn in order to reduce the baggage.

    One of the best signs of maturity is to simply not react to EVERY Situation there is. Because while the average human life span can stay up to 90 years of age (depending on how healthy one is), we still have a limited time in this world before we eventually pass away and become a statistic. We can simply use the time that we have doing things we care about, and more importantly doing things to help improve our lives instead of reacting to people who we will feel hostile towards. Hostility, especially in the internet, is something that we can all easily skip over by knowing the simple yet effective method of "Not giving a ****" about things we shouldn't really care about.
    online i might be a little, but irl im just a lonesome person in the corner not wanting to talk to someone. Online though, but for the example i stated. Sadly it was because the stress of thinking one person was lying or both was, or something like that. Which didnt help the other person, and I just ended up back in the ignore list. I am a bit sensitive, so I understand how being sensitive is (I have been beaten twice in one school year, bullied for nearly at least 3 years, my dad always putting me down, and maybe a few other things) so my self steam isnt very good. Eitherways, no I wouldnt say Im the my way or no way online at least.
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    Old October 11th, 2018 (12:27 AM).
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    I have the same issue, solidarity.
    For me I just limit the people I speak to at a time, they'll get tired of me in a month and I'll find new people. I've gotten used to it.
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    Old October 11th, 2018 (5:02 AM).
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    I have the same issue, solidarity.
    For me I just limit the people I speak to at a time, they'll get tired of me in a month and I'll find new people. I've gotten used to it.
    Going into every new relationship with the attitude that it will be over in a month is probably making it harder to maintain friendships more than helping you cope with losing them.
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    Old October 11th, 2018 (5:06 AM).
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    FC I manage to upset people everywhere i go, don't worry about it. Just try and learn from situations and see where you can compromise a bit
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    Old 4 Weeks Ago (7:49 AM).
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by gimmepie View Post
    Going into every new relationship with the attitude that it will be over in a month is probably making it harder to maintain friendships more than helping you cope with losing them.
    I tried that, people just do not like me no matter what.
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    Old 4 Weeks Ago (8:26 AM).
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    I'm pretty defensive due to my experiences in life (discrimination, rude parents, bullying in school, etc.) and I found that the way I approached situations was often not conducive to forming friendships or getting people to trust me. I had to and am still working on trying to not take things so personally and to really interpret messages so that I don't accidentally believe a person is trying to slight me. It's a lot of work, but it's really helped me improve and fix my friendships.

    No one ever hates you for no reason. There's always a reason behind someone's actions. You just have to be aware of how you interact with people and how they respond to it. It's not easy, you really have to work at it.

    Plus, some people might be the same way I am and may be defensive due to their experiences. A little bit of patience goes a long way. They just need help trusting you.
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    Old 4 Weeks Ago (12:22 PM).
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    Plus, im this type of person, you get on me i will get on you (when its online) irl, im just sitting there waiting for time to tick by. Im just not a socially active person, like some people try to talk to me irl. But all I think, is that they are trying to bully me or something (its how I got beat up once) So of course thats what im going to think. But they try all the time, you would think if you dont respond they would be quiet and leave you alone, nope doesnt happen. Schools try the "just ignore them" approach but it actually doesnt work out. You still get bullied, i know I did, i use to be the most annoying person in 6th grade, not im just a quiet person to others and energenic to my friends, who know how to handle me well. I ignored bullies, but never works out.
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    Old 4 Weeks Ago (2:02 PM). Edited 4 Weeks Ago by twocows.
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    I would really need to see what you're talking about to offer any kind of meaningful advice. In most cases, people with social issues are doing (or failing to do) something and don't realize it, and when they retell things from their perspective, that doesn't get included because they don't realize it's a big deal.

    The only real general advice I can give you is to immerse yourself in talking with people. Eventually you'll just find it's easier to do as you start to unconsciously pick up on the unspoken expectations. Also, don't be too needy; most people are in a chatroom to socialize and have fun, not give you attention.

    Personally, I find it's easiest to chat when there are like 3-6 people actively talking, including myself. You don't have to worry about keeping the conversation flowing like you do if it's just one on one, but you also don't have to struggle to find a place to speak/get your message noticed like when there are too many people.

    You may also have more luck in places where there's not an identity attached to your name or where you can change your identity easily.
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    Old 4 Weeks Ago (2:09 PM).
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    I would really need to see what you're talking about to offer any kind of meaningful advice. In most cases, people with social issues are doing (or failing to do) something and don't realize it, and when they retell things from their perspective, that doesn't get included because they don't realize it's a big deal.

    The only real general advice I can give you is to immerse yourself in talking with people. Eventually you'll just find it's easier to do as you start to unconsciously pick up on the unspoken expectations. Also, don't be too needy; most people are in a chatroom to socialize and have fun, not give you attention.

    Personally, I find it's easiest to chat when there are like 3-6 people actively talking, including myself. You don't have to worry about keeping the conversation flowing like you do if it's just one on one, but you also don't have to struggle to find a place to speak/get your message noticed like when there are too many people.

    You may also have more luck in places where there's not an identity attached to your name or where you can change your identity easily.
    Did you just call me an attention seeker?
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    Old 4 Weeks Ago (2:18 PM).
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    I know nothing about you, so no. I was offering general advice based on my experiences with other people.
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    Old 4 Weeks Ago (2:25 PM).
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    I know nothing about you, so no. I was offering general advice based on my experiences with other people.
    well I am a tiny bit, but not over board like getting into trouble and stuff. Just towards my irl friends really, and that barely happens
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    Old 4 Weeks Ago (8:55 PM).
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    Did you just call me an attention seeker?
    FC, this is the kind of stand offish behaviour that leads to people not giving you a chance. You asked the community a question and twocows answered the best he could. There was a lot more there than the comment about attention
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    Old 4 Weeks Ago (11:52 PM). Edited 4 Weeks Ago by colours.
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    Okay, I'm gonna be really honest and blunt in this thread. You can either take my advice/suggestions or not, it's up to you. But as someone who has observed your behavour for a long time, I'd figure it'd be helpful to point out areas where you can improve.

    First and foremost, is the anger problem. I strongly recommend trying to tone down (really, just eliminate entirely, ideally) on your accusatory tendencies. This tends to create fricton among people who you're talking with and it's pretty safe to say that most people just want to avoid drama than not and a lot of the time it seems like you're itching to pick a fight when really there's no fight to be had. This apparently combative, drama-seeking nature of yours can drive people away from wanting to socialize with you and perhaps distance themselves from you as a result.

    This segues into my second point: you tend to take things rather too personally. When someone makes a joke, you take it as a personal front or an attack. People banter with each other all the time in social settings and it's not an uncommon thing at all -- there's no reason to take things so seriously when no one holds anything against you -- so why make several mountains out of tiny hills? You read way too much into what people are saying and somehow twist their words as if they're an attack against you. Heck, I'm treading lightly in typing this because I'm half-confident you'll interpret this as an attack when really I'm just trying to offer genuine advice on how to help your situation. But I'm not going to pull punches when I'm saying that you need to improve yourself. Admitting that you are part of the problem that causes these issues is not easy, but it's a necessary self-reflection to be had.

    By the way, as negative as that last sentence may sound, don't go all defeatist and "well I'm always going to be a problem...." etc etc on me because that line of thinking is not productve, conducive or helpful in any way towards self-improve whatsoever. You must commit to making strides towards improvement yourself, for only then will the domino effect happen in which your social situations will likely improve as a result. I would know, I've been there quite a few times many years back.

    Good luck with everything, FC.
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    Old 4 Weeks Ago (2:06 AM).
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    Amazed anyone is trying to help a bit.

    There is no lie, i got problems. Same time it could just be my teen brain thinking.

    Hands, i was just wondering. I wanted to make sure what i thought was true or not.
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    Old 4 Weeks Ago (4:40 AM).
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    Quote:
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    Amazed anyone is trying to help a bit.
    I think that would be a sign that you aren't universally hated =)
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    Old 4 Weeks Ago (6:02 PM).
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    Quote:
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    Amazed anyone is trying to help a bit.

    There is no lie, i got problems. Same time it could just be my teen brain thinking.

    Hands, i was just wondering. I wanted to make sure what i thought was true or not.
    Maybe it's confidence?
    Looking a this thread, it's as gimmepie sais, we shouldn't go into interactions expecting the worst.

    Personally, I'd befriend you but I'm nearly 30 and I would feel weird befriending someone who is more than 10 years younger than me. Just a personal preference.
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    Old 4 Weeks Ago (4:35 AM).
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    I got bullied for 3 years straight, in middle school and if you read my thread of parents dating the devil. So confidence could be a thing, because I always feel of failure.
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    Old 4 Weeks Ago (2:33 AM).
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      ur ENJOYING the situation that u r in or else u wouldn't talk about it

      that goes for every1 in here talking about how miserable their lives r or have been

      sadness is very similar to happiness, they r both strong feelings and if u look closely at life u will find that we r all only looking for strong feelings to achieve

      and most of us enjoy sadness more than happiness, because sadness is a strong feeling thats easier to achieve than happiness
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      Old 4 Weeks Ago (5:30 AM).
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      ur ENJOYING the situation that u r in or else u wouldn't talk about it

      that goes for every1 in here talking about how miserable their lives r or have been

      sadness is very similar to happiness, they r both strong feelings and if u look closely at life u will find that we r all only looking for strong feelings to achieve

      and most of us enjoy sadness more than happiness, because sadness is a strong feeling thats easier to achieve than happiness
      that was a tiny bit rude, but iinteresting way to think about things
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      Old 4 Weeks Ago (5:41 AM).
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        sorry it wasn't meant to be rude, i was actually thinking about adding a "from my point of view" or something so that it doesnt sound like i know everything

        then again i dont wanna add those neutralising phrases as i don't like them, the way i type is exactly how i think, just for clarification
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