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Poke Special Manga: DP

TurtleKing

Turtles > You
849
Posts
16
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  • Seen Dec 12, 2016
Chapter 68: VS. Abomasnow II! Part 2
dpmfa460.png


As the Abomasnow neared Diamond, Dawn, Roark, Wake, and their Pokemon, Diamond looked to his left and right, glancing at each of them. He then set his attention on the fourteen Pokemon that stood before him, preparing to engage in possibly an epic battle of importance. He thought back to previous battles that, too, were epic: Vs. Roark, Vs. Gold, Vs. The Dusk Twins, Vs. his father, etc. All of these battles somewhat changed Diamond's prospective on life.

Maybe this battle could do the same. Then again, Diamond wouldn't find out until he and his comrades...

"...attack!" Diamond shouted, signaling the beginning of this war.

"Pyra, Blaze Kick! Queen, Iron Head! Tater, Hyper Voice! Penny, Rollout! Peep, Shadow Ball! Tiara, Attack Order!" Dawn shouted, beginning the assault.

Pyra led the pack of Dawn's Pokemon, both of her feet scorching with orange flames. Once she approached a crowd of Abomasnows, Pyra leaped up and kicked several of the Pokemon in the face with her blazing feet, burning every single one she struck. As the Abomasnows tumbled, Queen came flying in, ramming her now steel-plated head into the guts of the Abomasnows. To make matters worst for Neo Team Rocket, Penny curled herself into a ball and ricocheted off each of the Abomasnows Queen struck. Then, Tater unleashed a screeching voice into the ears of the Abomasnow, causing the them to grab their ears in agony. Finally, Peep unleashed a seemingly endless series of ghoulish spheres onto the enemy while Tiara slammed her body into the collapsing pile of Abomasnow.

They were down to two hundred and twenty five Abomasnows.

"Quagsire, Yawn!" Wake commanded.

Quagsire lazily opened its wide mouth as several white, spherical clouds lulled towards a large amount of Abomasnows, immediately causing them to become rather drowsy and unstable.

"It's all yours, sonny," Wake grinning, looking towards Roark. Obviously they had devised some sort of plan to knock out a large amount of Abomasnows in a short amount of time.

"Right!" Roark nodded, looking up to his now aerial Aerodactyl, "Aerodactyl, Giga Impact!"

Aerodactyl's body became surrounded in an orange tinted aura as it flew to its highest possibly peak. It then soared down to the wavering Abomasnows and recoiled against them. It not only knocked them out, but the impact also sent the Abomasnows slamming into the caves wall, causing a few rocks to fall from the ceiling. At first the collapsing of the rocks was minor, but then larger chunks of ceiling began to fall at a much rapider rate.

Seventy-five.

Diamond nodded as he clenched his fists, "Trident, Metal Claw! Sam, Close Combat! Rose, Flamethrower! Dex, Super Fang! Pilot, Air Slash! Ronny, Vacuum Wave!"

Along with Diamond's other Pokemon, Trident led the way as his razor sharp, metal claws began piercing through the Abomasnow opposition. While the Empoleon rampaged, Samurai came in right beside Trident, punching and kicking the incoming Abomasnow. Although the Abomasnow landed a few Ice Beams, Samurai was successful in doing major damage, sending the Abomasnow falling. And if that was not enough help, Rose's furious Flamethrower helped cause even more damage to a flock of Abomasnow, leaving only a few left. While Pilot flapped his wings and sent a few Air Slashes in the way of a leaping Abomasnow, Dex sunk his large front teeth into the belly of the beast, knocking it out. And, with one Abomasnow remaining, Ronny stared up at the much large monster, perhaps determined. He immediately darted towards the snow beast Pokemon, cupping his paws together as he formed a small sphere. The sphere expanding into a larger one as Ronny held it in one paw while he continued to dart towards Abomasnow until he pressed the Vacuum Wave into the Pokemon's stomach.

The final Abomasnow gasped and roared in pain as it was sent hurling into a wall, slamming against it. That impact cause the beginning of a worse collapsing of the cave. Boulders began to fall much faster now as Diamond looked to the ceiling.

"It's about to cave in! We've got to get out of here!"

Dawn nodded, looking up as well, "Yeah, this artificial cave is not naturally stable."

"I don't know why I didn't think of that before... Artificial caves have to be held up by some form of a solid ceiling. Perhaps steel. But, indeed, we must get out of here. Come on!"

Diamond looked to Wake and Roark, "You guys get out of here. Get on Aerodactyl and fly out of the ceiling." He looked to Dawn, "You get on Peep and follow them, I'll be right behind you."

The other three nodded and did as directed, after returning all of their Pokemon to their Pokeballs. Diamond did the same, excluding Pilot, whom he hopped on, while staring into the face of Neo Team Rocket. The group of orange soldiers were disappearing as the cave began its collapse, but Pluto stood there, hood cloaked and eyes as cold as ever. In her hand, she held... the Red Chain; an evil smile was on her face.

"Little did you know that this was the spot, Diamond."

"The spot..." Diamond said rhetorically, shifting his mouth. He knew what she meant.

"Yes, all of this time spent towards this moment has not gone to waste. My dream has finally been realized and I can go through with it at this moment!" Pluto shoved the now glowing Red Chain into the sky as the entire cave burst open. Rocks were sent flying every which way as they were now outside in a harsh blizzard.

Diamond ordered Pilot to fly up to the others as he stared down at what was once a cave. It was then they all realized that... this was the Time Pillar.

Dawn looked over to Diamond and shouted over the roar of the blizzard, "Diamond, you know that this is the Time Pillar? It's Dialga natural place of appearing in this world. I read about it at the Canalave library."

"So did I," Diamond agreed.

Dawn looked down at the ascending pillars, covered in immense, pale-blue diamonds, "So... what do we do? How are we supposed to defeat a Legendary Pokemon?"

Just then, tiny, spherical bright light appeared at the center of the platform of the Time Pillar as Pluto stood a considerable distance away from the pillar, still clenching the Red Chain. It was then the tiny light grew much wider, larger, expanding to a huge, legendary size. Finally the light burst open as a hole in the dimension appeared. Dialga flew through the portal and landed on the platform roaring out to the heavens as snow began to fall on its body. Its red eyes started to glow, under the control of Pluto.

"I present to you... Dialga!" Pluto shouted manically, "The one who will send you to your imminent doom! The one who will stop you from my plans! The one who will rescue my grandfather!"

Diamond stared down at the enormous beast as he shouted to Dawn, Roark, and Wake, "A few years ago, Pluto's grandfather was trapped in a time wrinkle by Gold and his friends! Ordinarily, a Celebi would probably be the number one candidate in this situation, but with Dialga, the ruler of Time, you have an alternative. I don't think Pluto originally had bad intentions, I just think that she felt the Pokemon National Conference did nothing to help her. That Red Chain has her brainwashed!"

"Just as it had Fantina and me brainwashed!" Wake commented.

"Exactly," Diamond nodded.

"Again, what do we do?" Dawn said, worriedly.

"The only thing we can do..." Diamond exhaled.

Dialga roared once more as it began to take flight, heading up towards the the group.

"...fight."

(Next: Chapter 69: VS. Dialga! Part 1)

Author's Note: Okay, so I fooled you guys :). The release date was today.
 
108
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15
Years
  • Age 29
  • Seen Jan 26, 2011
Wow, bravo. That was a great chapter, a little fast paced though but I figured you just wanted to free Dialga after so lon. Well I can tell the next few chapters are gonna be epic
 
17
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15
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  • Seen Dec 24, 2015
man worth the wait it was epic im gessing vs Dialga p.t 1 and 2 are going to be Diamond vs Dialga
 

Giratina ♀

what's your sign?
1,439
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15
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  • Age 27
  • Seen Jul 23, 2013
Oh, yikes.

The pacing seemed a little fast, though; could you have let Dialga rise slowly out of the hole, describing each of its parts in more detail? Or explained the prick of light slowly bleeding across the floor? If you have a moment like that - when something is summoned and you want to put a lot of emphasis on it - over-description is usually the best way to go.

I also noticed the way you handled the Abomasnow massacre - did you have to make a giant paragraph explaining what they all did at once? It might have been better if you first sent out one Pokemon's order, then a few sentences about it lurching into action, the next order, the next Pokemon's actions, etc. I, to be honest, ended up skipping over the whole thing because it seemed kind of boring and the entire paragraph was the same thing anyway: Pokemon hurting other Pokemon.

But I noticed use of Samurai's real name, and I'm happy you listened to my advice. ^^ Good chapter!
 

TurtleKing

Turtles > You
849
Posts
16
Years
  • Seen Dec 12, 2016
Oh, yikes.

The pacing seemed a little fast, though; could you have let Dialga rise slowly out of the hole, describing each of its parts in more detail? Or explained the prick of light slowly bleeding across the floor? If you have a moment like that - when something is summoned and you want to put a lot of emphasis on it - over-description is usually the best way to go.

I also noticed the way you handled the Abomasnow massacre - did you have to make a giant paragraph explaining what they all did at once? It might have been better if you first sent out one Pokemon's order, then a few sentences about it lurching into action, the next order, the next Pokemon's actions, etc. I, to be honest, ended up skipping over the whole thing because it seemed kind of boring and the entire paragraph was the same thing anyway: Pokemon hurting other Pokemon.

But I noticed use of Samurai's real name, and I'm happy you listened to my advice. ^^ Good chapter!

Cr-cr-criticism? YAAAAAY!!!!

Thanks for the crit! I agree that I think I could have probably described that portion a lot better than I did, but eh, I was having a bit of a brain fart at that moment. I completely understand where you're coming from and I'll improve on that in the future.

Yep, it is fitting to use Samurai's real name out of dialogue, but in dialogue, he's Sam. :)

Thanks for the commentary everyone.
 
10,175
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17
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  • Age 37
  • Seen yesterday
Seeing as how TK hasn't been seen in a month, I'd say "Not soon."

Thread's closed for being bumped. Reread the rules before posting in this section again.
 

TurtleKing

Turtles > You
849
Posts
16
Years
  • Seen Dec 12, 2016
It's been a great run with PSM: DP and I'm not sure if I'll be able to finish this Fic. I think I've lost desire to complete it and I may be ready to move on. I may write more chapter, but only if my heart is in it but right now it's not. But don't be surprised if there is another chapter posted out of no where. ;)
 
21
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16
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  • Seen Nov 30, 2014
just take breaks and ask for help from your local fans me and my friends write a fan fic on fan fiction.net and its good.
 
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