The Rainbow Connection [LGBTS Club]

Pikapal642 said:

What is/was the hardest part about being the closet?

For me, it's the worry about being outed, as well as the consequences of it. And it was kinda frustrating for me, because it wasn't just that I wasn't ready to come out, but it was because I had this 7-11 year old brother (those are the ages he was when I was in high school) who my parents and I thought was too young to be told. So even though I kinda wanted to come out I couldn't. >__< I also was SO afraid of being outed, and so paranoid, that I didn't do ANYTHING that I thought might somehow out me. No sports, no going out with friends, very few extracurricular activities, no proms or dances, nothing. -__-

I'm also tired of being asked by the kids at my brother's school "Hey, who's your girlfriend? You don't have one? Well, you HAVE had a girlfriend right? No? Why not?" And all I can say is "Eh, I'd rather not talk about it, ok?" ... "Why not?" （╯ಠ益ಠ）╯彡 ┻━┻

Also, is it okay if I ask another question? I thought of something that is off this topic while answering this, but I figured maybe I should wait until this one dies down, lol.

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Oh man.. maybe you can get out of by just saying "I'm waiting for the right person to come along" and smile. I can totally see how that'd be frustrating.



Raichu: I agree with that. But attitude and behavior also plays a big part. Most people don't appreciate others shoving their religion down others' throats or always preaching about it.. even if someone's whole life is religion, they can always put that aside. I feel like flaming gay people can also tone down their flamboyancy (if they're being a bit over the top) in situations where another person may not entirely agree with homosexuality. Everyone just needs to respect boundaries :3


:C I can't answer the closet question, unfortunately.. <3 Sorry~~

Pachy said:

Do you believe that some LGBTs take the stereotypes too far, or encourage them? Or do you simply believe that they're being themselves and are just getting discriminated against? Basically, when does it stop being "Confidence" and when does it start being "Ego" or "too much Pride"?

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I personally don't know many people who resemble stereotypes. At the "worst" are a few guys who are very particular about their hair and always having nice clothes, but that's also because I steer clear of people who go to extremes with things. So I don't know people who "have too much pride" and wouldn't want to accuse them of encouraging stereotypes since that just might be who they are naturally.

But really, I don't care one way or the other because having pride and being overly flamboyant or butch or whatever doesn't hurt anyone. The only people who see those examples and assumes they apply to everyone are the people who already have a problem with queer people.

Shining Raichu said:

What is/was the hardest part about being the closet?

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Being made of wood. Srsly. Everyone wants to burn you.



But, no, really, it's the constant wondering about how people would react if they knew. Would they "burn" me? It's so inhibiting. Can't always speak your mind, can't always act naturally, can't do so many things.

For me, it was when people made gay jokes about me and I didn't know how to react. They were correct, but I didn't want to say anything and it made me intensely uncomfortable. And of course, when people figure out that something is making you uncomfortable, they just won't let it drop. I had quite a few stressful social interactions like that lol

Also, on a much more superficial level, pretending I didn't know how to dress to avoid suspicion lol

and Pikapal, if you wanna ask another question I don't mind, I'm happy for people to be answering all different questions at once lol

Pikapal642 said:

I, for one, am almost perfectly fine with being gay...except for the fact that if I support gay rights (and am out), some people will think "Oh he just wants rights because he's gay" whereas, I am pretty sure even if I was straight, I would support gay rights. People who don't know my orientation actually listened to me when I supported gay rights, so what would their opinions be if they found out I was gay? Would they change their minds, or even, would their opinion of me change? :\

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Of course, if you were straight then someone would just accuse you of being gay. That happened to me several times while I was in the closet, and to others who were straight. I think that's really sad, that some people can't imagine that someone would support something even if they get nothing directly out of it.

I think that's so dumb.. you're supporting a great cause. What does it matter what your orientation is? I'm 100% straight and I always have been.. but I am a HUGE advocator for gay rights. I think they deserve just as much respect as anyone else, and I believe they really should have the right to marriage.. and I don't see why someone's opinion of you should change just because you want to liberate or support a certain somewhat-oppressed group of people.
>_> That's like saying you need to be African to donate to Africa.. or Japanese to donate to Japan. Ridiculous!

Shining Raichu said:

What is/was the hardest part about being the closet?

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I think the hardest part for me was feeling like I just couldn't be myself... and I felt like I was being robbed of true happiness the entire time. Not to mention the issues that arose when one of your close friends of the opposite sex developed a crush on you... and you had no easy reason to deny them. ]: I'm not going to lie and say I was in agony the entire time I was in the closet. I mean, I was pretty comfortable pretending to be gay - otherwise I wouldn't have done it for so long! XD; However, I don't think I was capable of enjoying my life until people started learning who I truly was. Being gay doesn't define me, no, but it is a part of who I am. Once everyone learned and just accepted that, I felt so free. I think it really showed too - people say I seem more "energetic and outgoing" now. I can see that.

Pikapal642 said:

Is there anything in particular you don't like about being whatever orientation you are?

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I... don't like how promiscuous gay men can sometimes be. I know, I know, I don't want to stereotype. I know there are really great, monogamous, loyal guys out there! Buuuuuut that's not really the majority of who you meet when you're out on the dating scene. ]: I had no real idea this world existed until I came out and a few gay friends "showed me the ropes," and honestly, I could have done without learning that some people really only see me as a piece of meat for the night. It's pretty bad when you learn this after just one evening...

Then again, a good friend of mine brought it to my attention that many straight people do the very same thing. Maybe it's more of a disappointment I have in people altogether. :P

Yeah, I was going to say, I don't think promiscuity is so much a 'gay male' thing as a 'male' thing lol. I don't want to stereotype either, but sometimes stereotypes come from somewhere lol

I have a question:

Is it ever acceptable to out someone else prematurely?

For me, the answer is no. No matter how bad of a person they may be, no matter how homophobic they may be, it is never okay to out someone else.

I think that we do make an assumption as gay males that other gay males are promiscuous, but we have every reason to believe so, even though it may not true.

Okay, so let's look at long-term heterosexual couples. Where do these couples meet? At work, school, church, a small party (introduced by friends) or the grocery store? Gay men can meet under similar circumstances; however, this happens significantly less than heterosexual couples simply because there are more heterosexual people, and it is not always a good idea to act on intuition and flirt with a person of the same sex if you are not positive about their sexuality.

Conversely, short-term heterosexual couples meet at bars, clubs, and large-scale parties. Short-term homosexual couples also meet in these types of settings.

The locations are no different, however the opportunities are different between sexual orientations.
I'd say meeting people through a friend's introduction is probably the best way to do so. But, for myself, I am going to wait to start dating again when I move to downstate where there is a larger population; if you live in a relatively less populated area, the pickin's are slim, and I am not going to settle.

FreakyLocz14 said:

I have a question:

Is it every acceptable to out someone else prematurely?

For me, the answer is no. No matter how bad of a person they may be, no matter how homophobic they may be, it is never okay to out someone else.

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I would definitely say that it is not right to out someone. Although, I do admit to outing this guy that would argue with me in class about homosexuality. I only did so because he went up to me and asked I wanted to have sex with him, and then he put he put his hands down my pants. I shoved him back and told him to leave, and told one of his friends what happened. Apparently he is really popular at the college, like REALLY popular, so I kinda started World War 3, but ultimately it was his decision. If I grabbed some straight guy's package, I would expect my reputation to tarnish as well! lol

But...under MOST circumstances, I would not do that to someone.

-ty- said:

I would definitely say that it is not right to out someone. Although, I do admit to outing this guy that would argue with me in class about homosexuality. I only did so because he went up to me and asked I wanted to have sex with him, and then he put he put his hands down my pants. I shoved him back and told him to leave, and told one of his friends what happened. Apparently he is really popular at the college, like REALLY popular, so I kinda started World War 3, but ultimately it was his decision. If I grabbed some straight guy's package, I would expect my reputation to tarnish as well! lol

But...under MOST circumstances, I would not do that to someone.

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That's creepy. The person you should have told was the police, though. I also would have shot him.

I really want to answer Pikapal's question, but there's really nothing I don't like about being gay lol. I mean, there is of course the prejudice and all that, but no specific thing stands out.

Freakylocz14 said:

Is it ever acceptable to out someone else prematurely?

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No, it's not. Never ever never. Except maybe in ty's situation. Coming out is a personal thing and if somebody has entrusted you with such information you never break that trust. That would be the ultimate betrayal.

Shining Raichu said:

What is/was the hardest part about being the closet?

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My apologies for being kind of quiet here. My answer is pretty much similar to what people have said already. The whole idea of not being able to be myself, not being able to say who you think is attractive, the difficulty of rejecting people who ask me out etc. I get quite uncomfortable when people talk about LGBT related things and become paranoid that they already know I am gay (I know that sounds incredibly childish). I dont like that I cannot talk about the person I am going out with to my friends. Lastly, is that I am actually dreading the whole idea of coming out.

So, quick poll, are you "out" yet?

A) No one knows
B) some friends, not family know
C) some family, not friends know
D) Some family and friends know
E) Almost everyone knows

To me it seems like very few people are completely out. It sometimes leads me to believe that the 3.8% of the population (U.S) being a part of the LGBT community is only scratch upon the surface.

I would answer E myself.

A-0
B-0
C-0
D-0
E-1