Pokemon Giovanni (feel free to critique)

Okay, so here is the idea.

Storyline:
There is a land in which the great king Zafon ruled. He was a great ruler, who was widely respected. Not by Team Rocket though. One day Giovanni started a raid on the Pokemon League created by the king. The king finally began the battle with Giovanni, and lost. Giovanni then used his rhydon to kill the king. As Zafon was killed he summoned the Psychic Pokemon Alchar to convert Giovanni. Giovanni (under the psychic powers of Alchar) began studying Pokemon until finally Team Rocket came and kidnapped Giovanni. You then are told by one of his assistants to take one of Giovanni's three pokemon and to begin going through each town in search of Rocket bases that may hold the Professor. Only time can tell if Giovanni will ever be rescued.

...the only reason I'm posting here is because nobody else has yet and I felt bad. Soooooo...refer to the bolds.

cartercr said:

Okay, so here is the idea. *gets*

Storyline:
There is a land in which the great king Zafon ...kind of a silly name. Taking place in a historic time? If not, fantasy names do not really exist in pkmn much...but let's read on. ruled. He was a great ruler, who was widely respected A king...so mebe you'll use a map of some pice of Europe.... Not by Team Rocket though Uh-huh.... One day Giovanni started a raid on the Pokemon League Why? How did TR's operations end up here? Is this somewhere in the game or anime continuity? created by the king. The king finally began the battle with Giovanni, and lost ...how tragic.. Giovanni then used his rhydon to kill the king ...a'riiiiight.... As Zafon was killed he summoned Oh jeez... the Psychic Pokemon Alchar The alchemist pkmn? to convert Convert him to what? Gold? Giovanni. Giovanni (under the psychic powers of Alchar Is Alchar a free agent now that Zafon is deceased? Did Alchar never work for the king to beginw ith but he had some lame controlling mechanism?) began studying Pokemon ...like, with books at a library? until finally Team Rocket came and kidnapped Giovanni This has several chiches, but not quite ones too pkmn-y...kidnapping is overused, though.. You So you play as a TR member? then are told by one of his assistants to take one of Giovanni's three pokemon Rhydon, Golem, or Cloyster? Where's Persian (since it's not in a ball in the anime)? and to begin going through each town in search of Rocket bases ...you lost me now. that may hold the Professor Professor? So he knows how to stop Alchar's mind-controlling? Wait, mind-controlling?!. Only time can tell if Giovanni will ever be rescued.

Click to expand...

...how are you going to make a game of this? You just go find a Professor who knows how to defeat the evil Psychic type and free another evil person? Uhhhh...and the land is now in chaos because their king was assassinated and now secuirty is tightened. How would a TR member get around the region like that? Or were you just being ambiguous and you are not actualy a TR member?
And what would Giovanni bother studying up on? He already has to be a pretty well-read guy in order to be at the top of the TR ladder...

Agent Zero said:

Storyline:
There is a land in which the great king Zafon ...kind of a silly name. Taking place in a historic time? If not, fantasy names do not really exist in pkmn much...but let's read on. ruled. He was a great ruler, who was widely respected A king...so mebe you'll use a map of some pice of Europe.... Not by Team Rocket though Uh-huh.... One day Giovanni started a raid on the Pokemon League Why? How did TR's operations end up here? Is this somewhere in the game or anime continuity? created by the king. The king finally began the battle with Giovanni, and lost ...how tragic.. Giovanni then used his rhydon to kill the king ...a'riiiiight.... As Zafon was killed he summoned Oh jeez... the Psychic Pokemon Alchar The alchemist pkmn? to convert Convert him to what? Gold? Giovanni. Giovanni (under the psychic powers of Alchar Is Alchar a free agent now that Zafon is deceased? Did Alchar never work for the king to beginw ith but he had some lame controlling mechanism?) began studying Pokemon ...like, with books at a library? until finally Team Rocket came and kidnapped Giovanni This has several chiches, but not quite ones too pkmn-y...kidnapping is overused, though.. You So you play as a TR member? then are told by one of his assistants to take one of Giovanni's three pokemon Rhydon, Golem, or Cloyster? Where's Persian (since it's not in a ball in the anime)? and to begin going through each town in search of Rocket bases ...you lost me now. that may hold the Professor Professor? So he knows how to stop Alchar's mind-controlling? Wait, mind-controlling?!. Only time can tell if Giovanni will ever be rescued.

Click to expand...

Thank you, I took all of these into consideration and produced this.

Storyline: (1st revision)
There is a land in which the great psychic king Nicholas ruled. He was a great ruler, who was widely respected. Not by Team Rocket though. One day Giovanni started a raid on the Pokemon League in order to defeat the King and take control of the region, and the legendary psychic pokemon that aided Nicholas. The king finally began the battle with Giovanni, and lost. Giovanni then used his rhydon to kill the king. As Nicholas was killed he summoned, using the small amount of psychic power he had left, the Psychic Pokemon Alchar to convert Giovanni to become an enemy of Team Rocket. Giovanni (under the psychic powers of Alchar) began studying Pokemon. 10 years later, You (studying under Giovanni your whole life) then are told by one of his assistants to take one of Giovanni's three pokemon he had just rescently caught, (Flareo, Leafyo, and Vapour) and to begin going through each town in search of Rocket bases that may hold the Professor. Now with the King dead, the professor kidnapped, and Alchar comming back to stop team rocket, only time will tell if Giovanni will ever be rescued.

Tell me if that works better, or if further revision is needed.

Interesting... in a not really kind of way. I know I'm kind of being hypocritical of some of my previous statements, but if you're going to go at least half way with a story, you can't just pass it off that way simply because it's pokemon. Details are always the most important thing when you want to impress.
Flareo, Leafyo, and Vapour... I can't quite say where you derived these from but I think you may need to be a bit more original.

I agree that it could be more original, if you could give me some advice, I would be happy to work it in.

To be honest, just come up with something better. I don't know how to say this, but you're not going to finish this. The story is just too lacking in material and appeal. And because I can't get into your head, I'm not exactly sure how to help you...
As a rule though, kings don't work in pokemon. Neither do governments, strong stories, or backwoods german styles (which is how I imagined this to look).

True, Governments don't work well. (no pun intended) But it might, anyway, the King dies before the the game starts, and it is only exposition leading into Giovanni's Kidnapping and then into your mission. The plot is just to go from Rocket Base to Rocket Base trying to find Giovanni. In the end you battle your way through the Four Rocket Executives and the Champions (Jesse and James). Finally you end up battling Giovanni to try to set his mind straight from the things that he has been through with Team Rocket durring his time in kidnapping. Really all it is is a twist on Team Rocket where they are now the ones trying to kidnap their leader.

I didn't read the story but the title needs work. You should just call it Giovanni.

well, while just Giovanni would work, it is a pokemon game, so Pokemon Giovanni seems to work better in my opinion.

cartercr said:

The plot is just to go from Rocket Base to Rocket Base trying to find Giovanni. In the end you battle your way through the Four Rocket Executives and the Champions (Jesse and James).

Click to expand...

Since when were Jessie and James competent battlers? Just leave them out and have Giovanni as the 'champion'.

Wichu said:

Since when were Jessie and James competent battlers? Just leave them out and have Giovanni as the 'champion'.

Click to expand...

Well, you got to take into consideration that several years have gone by and they have to have gotten better. (They can't get much worse) Besides, Giovanni is still a prisoner at the time.

The three starter Pokémon sound too much like Leafion, Flareon and Vaporeon. (Or was that actually what you were trying to type?)

This game is not going to happen. I may sound like I'm flaming, but it's the truth.

Theik said:

The three starter Pokémon sound too much like Leafion, Flareon and Vaporeon. (Or was that actually what you were trying to type?)

Click to expand...

Actually they were not intended to sound like that. I was thinking of a Leaf, a Flare, and a Vapor, which now that you point that out, is a lot like the eevolutions. Anyways once they evolve, they won't sound like eevolutions.
BTW: Leafion is spelled Leafeon.

Note: To all you naysayers, this is supposed to be constructive critique, so go somewhere else, or comment something that can help, not something that is just saying that it won't be finished.

Okay, after rethinking the starters they are now:

What about their designs? Could you tell us a little about each line?
Whle Seedweed should be interesting given it's name, I'm not looking forward really to Flamey and Weedy. What kinda of names are they? I bring this up because there is a distinct difference between nicknames and actual names; I wouldn't name my Munchlax Eatlax; it sounds too much like its name. Similarly, what could I nickname my Flamey that does not sound like Flamey? Lose the E? It's silent...