Oooh-kay...let's get cracking on the comments:
@JBC: First off, mind your tenses. If you will forgive the figure of speech, your narration is hopping back and forth between past and present tense with the frequency of a cheap, hand-held radio; that's extremely disconcerting and makes your posts hard to follow. Please stick to third person past tense, m'kay? It's best if everyone writes in the same tense. I'm sure you can find those without me harping about them at every quote. :3 Second, you don't really need bolding, and considering that it normally implies a raised voice while our subject here is a mute I think it would be better to just use the single quotations (') to signify the difference. Beyond that it's basically typos and mispunctuation, so it's weeding time:
"Late our first day... how can we be late our fist day!?" Cloud shouted right in his cousin's ear. Wolfy only closed his deep violet eyes, smiling as he leaned on his walking stick. A cool breeze blew his hair to the side. Nothing his cousin could say about being late could bother him; he was going to the academy, his happiness was so strong that not even his mother could bruise it. "It's your fault you know. You and that mouse."
That should be "late
on our first day". There should also be a comma before smiling (as otherwise that sentence would imply that his eyes are smiling). Also, since the part about the breeze really has zilch to do with what comes after it it would be better off ending with a full stop instead of a comma. The next comma, on the other hand, would be better off as a semi-colon since the part after it is directly related, explaining why nothing his cousin could say bothers him. Finally, you're missing a capital in that last 'you'. :3
Stopping suddenly, Wolfy turned to where his cousin's voice had radiated from, opening his useless eyes he gave his cousin a glassy stare. Even though he couldn't see Cloud, Wolfy knew that his cousin was shifting his weight uncomfortably; the sound of shifting dirt was unmistakable, You're only here because of me. he signed, leaning his walking stick against his chest so that he could use both hands, And besides, you were the one who just had to have my mother remake breakfast.
Comma required after 'suddenly'. Also, that should be 'stare'; not 'stair'. Those are the typos you have to be careful about since a spell checker won't catch them. Re-reading a bit after you have finished the post should be enough to nail them, though. That first sentence is also a bit too exhausting with all the commas, so I'd suggest splitting it up with a full stop after 'stare'. Again, we also have a case of direct elaboration here so semi-colon instead of comma after 'uncomfortably'. The last corrections may be a bit harder to see since I can't apply bolds with the current format (another reason to switch it :O) so that's a missing capital in 'you're' and a missing comma after 'And besides'.
"You guys know that I'm..." Cloud's voice trailed off, "You're right, you're right; I shouldn't blame you for my being picky." He sighs then places his hand on his cousin's shoulder, "Let's get inside before we get into trouble."
That should be 'you're'; not 'your'. Also, I'm not sure whether the repetition was intentional or not. If it was, then that's a comma after the first one and a semi-colon after the second, otherwise it's just a comma after the one and only. Also, you're missing an 'e' in 'being' and you get 'into' trouble, not 'in' it.
Wolfy nods. He loved his cousin and knew how he acted when he didn't get what he wanted, being a vegetarian seemed to have changed him more then the family anticipated. Wolfy and Cloud continued walking through the courtyard towards the auditorium where they could hear the majority of the voices. Wolfy wondered what the grounds looked like as they walked over cool, soft grass. Cloud he signed stopping so suddenly that it took Cloud a few steps to notice that he no longer was accompanied.
Okay, that first part sort of looks like you left the first sentence unfinished and just started with the next, but in it's current state that should just be a full stop after 'nods'. There's also another typo (should be 'through'; not 'threw') and there should be a comma after 'cool' since you're listing the qualities of the grass.
"Of course they will, and if they don't I'll make them." Cloud joked, making Wolfy smile. "Don't worry so much. We have each other; isn't that all that matters?"
Okay, I had a bit of thinking to do in how this one should be punctuated, but this is the most eloquent I could manage; full stop after 'much' and semi-colon after 'each other'.
I guess. is all that Wolfy signed before starting to walk again. Cloud kept a hand on his cousin's shoulder as they transitioned from grass to a laden path, the stones under his feet were hard yet soft, and they smelt musty overpowering the smell of the fresh grass, Limestone. he signs to Cloud.
"Right cuz, Limestone. Clean white-" He stops suddenly, "Sorry, I forgot you don't know what colors really are." there was the unmistakable ring of Pity in his voice.
Full stop instead of comma after 'again'. Also, you've mixed up the possessive and plural here; that should be 'colors' without an apostrophe.
Wolfy's grip on his walking stick tightened, he hated being reminded that he was so different - he knew he was, of course, he just hated hearing it - Don't worry about it Cloud. he signs walking away from his cousin, following the sound of voices.
Okay, the sentences were sort of fragmented so I figured that turning the 'he knew' part into a full side-remark would be the best way to go. As a general thing, if you're an -ing form (such as following) then you'll need a comma in there. If the -ing is at the start of the sentence, (e.g. Mumbling incoherently) then the comma comes after it, otherwise it should preceed the -ing word, such as in this case. :3
The rest of it is basically the same things in repeat, but I don't think writing a whole essay about them is going to make things any clearer. Just re-read and you should see. Also, same as I told Rena: when deciding where to put the full stop always keep in mind that the words between two full stops must form a comprehensible message without assistance from any other sentences.
Overall, it looks mostly like mistakes of carelessness (Except possibly the tense shifts, dunno' about those. o.O), so revising your posts after you've typed them out is probably the best way to go. On a positive note: there's a good bit of content here, though, and I like the way you focused on smell. sound, and touch instead of appearances seeing as how your character is blind, so overall I think it's a good entry post. Characters seem interesting so far. :3
@Phanima: Indent paragraphs...*Twitch* Okay, I've seriously got to get over my bias. Anyways, I just noticed a little time jump here too:
Fortunately, many of these applicants are accepted, whether they have a strong foundation and knowledge in magic or not. However, on rare and unfortunate occasions, several students are also turned away from the school. Soel himself had been one of the academy's near-miss scenarios, where his future hung in the balance of this very event of applying to the school.
Should be 'were' in both cases to stick with the past tense. This kind of present tense wouldn't be a problem in something like a plot, but in the middle of a past tense narrative? It just sounds...off. Don't think I can explain the feeling any clearer than that. x_O Anyways, just a few other things I noticed:
This was mainly because of his family's name, and not because of his abilities and skills. This was especially apparent in his case, because for a descendant of the Mokona family, his magical powers were extremely limited and underdeveloped. This was the means of his struggle in enrolling into the academy, because even for a novice magician, his mindset and, at that time, his skills were minimal, even by Riven's standards.
Three sentences in a row starting with 'this' - while not right out wrong - is stylistically bad. There's also a similar case with 'he' in the next paragraph (The next one separated by a full line, that is) Try using some synonyms and alternative ways of expression to add more variety to your post. Also, the last remark is kind of odd since Riven - the land of the rift - is the country magic originates from and thus would have the highest standards concerning magical skills while that remark suggests the contrary. :3
However, despite his initial reaction, he was personally looking forward to meeting several of the new students and to hopefully be just that: a role model.
Since the last part here is directly related to the one before it a colon is the way to go here.
The corridors of the boys' dormitory were still crowded by several male students who had yet to gather at the auditorium. Soel decided not to instruct them, as he had trouble voicing his opinion and more often than not, ended up embarrassing himself with nothing to say
It's a dormitory for more than one boy, thus a plural possessive is called for (and therefore the apostrophe goes after the 's'; not before), the comma after 'more often than not' is also redundant.
It was a part of a routine carried out by the school that still had Soel asking himself questions, despite his previous year's experience in adjusting to the academy's customs. Hopefully, the new school year would help answer some of these questions.
The 'a' in 'a part' should be kept apart from the 'part', ne? *Shot for lame pun*
Soon realising that he had been standing in the middle of the isle for more than a minute, much to calls of other students who had been gesturing him to sit down, Soel embarrassedly retreated to the end of the hall and found a vacant seat in the back row.
Umm...much to calls? o.O I'm not quite sure what word you were aiming for here, but I know that's not the right one.
Overall, good quality post as expected. The only thing I'd comment on is that there isn't that much to be found about Soel's feelings here. I mean, there's bits and pieces of it but the setting seems to be more dominant in the description so I'm left feeling like I didn't get to know that much about the boy per-say. But you know...if that's an intended effect then pay this comment no heed, just thought I'd point it out. ^^
