Mystery Pokémon Theater 3000

Introduction

Not too long ago, there existed a television program called Mystery Science Theater 3000, featuring a lowly janitor shot into space by evil scientists who wanted to force him to watch cheesy movies with a pair of snarky robots. Hilarity ensued. The show has since inspired a fine form of fanfiction criticism, in which the reader participates in the same kind of running commentary as Joel, Mike, and their robot friends. Hence, the MST.

Okay, education aside, welcome to the Satellite of Love, orbiting at several thousand feet above the earth's surface. I'm Xanthine, a mild-mannered member of the board. I'm being asked to read bad fanfiction, and I'm obliging completely of my own free will.

[Xanthine holds up a sign that reads, "I'm being forced to say this."]

I have brought our Pokémon aboard this wonderful place to help us comment and advertise each fanfiction we receive, as per the request of the mysterious Higher Staff.

[Xanthine holds up another sign that reads, "They're watching me."]

We hope to entertain you somewhat and open your mind to how many wonderful literary masterpieces exist in the Pokémon fandom. Perhaps you'd like to send the Higher Staff one of your own so we can have the pleasure to analyze yours in order to spread word and get you the attention you deserve.

[Xanthine holds up another sign that reads, "Please don't, for the love of God."]

So, sit back and relax while we here on the Satellite of Love present to you the best of Pokémon fanfiction.

[Xanthine holds up another sign that reads, "SEND HELP."]

Explanation

As stated above, an MST is a type of fanfiction game in which a reader makes a running and vaguely witty commentary on the badfic in question. There's several ways this is done, ranging from using dialogue gags involving the original cast of MST3K (the robots Crow and Tom Servo and either Joel or Mike, depending on the season of author's preference) to simple, one-person snark. Then, there's the common form that I'm using, in which there's the author and a bunch of characters from the fandom – in this case, Syntax the ! Unown and Andy the male Combee.

In any case, yes, it's all about the snark, which we hope will amuse at least some of you.

Of course, before we can do much of anything, we'll need something from you. If you have any bad fanfiction that you want to see ripped apart for amusement's sake, we've got a form below. Submit it to us, and it'll be added to the list. Either Astinus or I will get our hands on it shortly after and run it through the MST machine to produce a somewhat amusing product that we'll post on the main forum with the marker [MST] in the title for you to browse and smirk at. (A running list is also included at the end of this post for convenience's sake.)

There are, of course, a few other rules concerning this exercise that you need to know before we hand you the form.

Rules

1. First and foremost, the fanfiction must be yours. No sending in someone else's work. Sorry, but that's not cool.

2. Once you submit your work, you're giving me permission to MST it, and therefore, you're giving up your right to complain. As in, you asked me to make fun of your fic, so it would be rather stupid to complain that I did thereafter. Any attempt to state that you didn't request the MST will result in me providing screenshots and links to the posts in which you did.

3. The fic must adhere to the rules of PC. Sorry, but if we (generally) can't post smut, then I can't MST it here for obvious reasons.

4. If you send me a serial that's more than twenty-five pages long, I will only do up to twenty-five pages (or until the end of that particular installment, whichever comes first). While I'm sure you're amused by the MSTing, going any further may make me want to spork my eyes out.
4a. Incomplete works are totally cool to send in, but they will still fall under the 25-page rule.

6. Do not pressure me by constantly asking if and when I'll finish an MST of your fic. I will throw personal insults into it if you do.

Submission Line

So, after reading all that, you're still interested, yes?

The form is below. You can either submit it to this thread or – if you prefer not to attach your name to what you consider a piece of crap-for-crap – via PM or e-mail.


Name of the Fic:
Link: (Obviously, link to your fanfiction. If your fanfiction isn't online, write "see attached" and attach your story in either an RTF or a DOC format. Please no DOCX or WPS documents. Xanthine has Microsoft Word 2003, and any attempts to make it compatible with the newer version of Word have led to her computer BSODing the eff out of her. She could get Open Office, but frankly, she like Word.)
Summary: (Short summary of your fanfiction. Make us want to MST the crap out of your story. The more creative, the better. This will be posted, paraphrased, or otherwise equally lampooned in the introduction to the MST.)


Previous Episodes

Episode 1: The Fall of Light (Or "Mew, Mew Mew Mew")
Episode 2: Journey to Isle of Jade (Or "What? A Swallow Carrying a Bulbasaur?")
Episode 3: A twin adventure (Or "Dude!")
Episode 4: Mission Pokemon (Or "And It's a BORING Baboon")

Name of the Fic: The Fall of Light
Link: The Fall of Sanity Light
Summary: A mysterious man with strange powers is trying to capture the Legendary Pokemon! A prophesy is revealed that points to a young boy name Jeff for the salvation of the world! A girl named Katy joins him on his journey and gets a Mew while Jeff gets a black Charmander! A legendary is the main character! Sadly, there is no bacon ;..;

EDIT: Forgot link XD. Also, you might only want to read the first four or five chapters because of your twenty-five page rule. The total pages of everything I have posted is above fifty if I remember right o.O

This has got to be somewhat of a badfic, because it's the first thing I ever wrote in English. It should have something about a gazillion spelling/grammar/general mistakes and also some minor inconsitencies and plot holes, because I modified some of it later on...

Name of the Fic: Journey to Isle of Jade
Link: Just click here and you'll be there.
Summary: One day, an exhausted Bulbasaur crawls out from a forest near Cimi's uncle's Pokémon ranch. As she takes the Pokémon inside to recover, she hears strange story from this Bulbasaur. Completely ignoring her work, she decides to escort the Bulbasaur to its destination - the Isle of Jade. Soon, the trainer who supposedly abandoned the Bulbasaur appears and tells a whole another story of how he got separated from his starter Pokémon... Includes a Pichu and a Kirlia! And I kind of accidentally switched the protagonist halfway trough the story! Oh, and it kind of has a conspiracy, but I think it's after the page limit, so you won't be getting to that...

You should probably not read the 10th chapter, because it ends on page 27 or something. So, stop at the end of 9th chapter, which should be on page 23. I guess it might depend on what program you use.

Also, do I need to pester you in order to make you insult me or will you do it if I ask nicely? :laugh: I'd really like to see what you'd say, so if you come up with anything funny, feel free to mock me to the lowest neatherworld available. I don't take it personally very easily ^-^

You can either submit it to this thread or – if you prefer not to attach your name to what you consider a piece of crap-for-crap – via PM or e-mail to the author your author of preference.

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Is it supposed to have both 'the author' and 'your author'? It doesn't make sense to me, but then again, I have not been fully introduced to the subtleties of your language. So, am I dumb or did you screw up?

Name of the Fic: A twin adventure
Link: See attached
Summary: Twin boys go on their gym leader quest through the Sinnoh region, while a mysterious force stirs up in Sinnoh, causing the legendaries to gather, revealing that the two are the chosen ones!
Note: The summary was the planned plot, although it never got that far.

An-chan said:

Is it supposed to have both 'the author' and 'your author'? It doesn't make sense to me, but then again, I have not been fully introduced to the subtleties of your language. So, am I dumb or did you screw up?

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It's been corrected. Thanks.

Oh good lord. Much as I'm afraid what you'll do to it, it may be imperative for you to use my fic, the Eon Chronicles. I love the book to death, and I wouldn't consider it a badfic by any means, but it's more or less made to be parodied. I was considering making one myself until I saw this thread.

Name of the Fic: Eon Chronicles.
Link: Here.
Summary: An angsty thirteen-year-old boy named Ren is paired up with a Latias, the latter of which is a compassionate, understanding, perfect friend with an endless supply of patience. A fifteen-year-old named Kairn, at first a bully to Ren, undergoes a miraculous transformation to become one of Ren's best friends after a life-threatening experience. He in turn befriends a Latios, who is an endless source of wisdom and comforting words. There are telepathic connections everywhere, plenty of emotional and dramatic scenes, tons of overused pokemon, and the whole fic is treated as srs, srs business.

Enjoy! Oh, and just do as many chapters as you want. It's about eighty pages long right now, so just end whenever you feel like it. I believe twenty-five pages would be about...eight or so chapters in, if you need a tangible stopping point.

Name of the Fic: Destiny's Tricks
Link: teh epic!
Summary: Destiny, a girl that believed everything revolved around her and that she was destined for more. Damon, a boy who questioned things and thought there was something more to his life. Duku, a boy with a tragic life and too believed there was a reason for his life. The three would soon face challenges, angst, love, hate, lies, secrets…

(Yes, that's actually from the beginning of the story, but I think it fits well of what the story's about. XD)

And so far this story has five chapters before it went on a halt. Probably you guys can stop at Chapter 4. Lets see how you guys do with a badly done parody. XD

I tried requesting one from a different guy on ff.net, but that fic closed down.

Name of the Fic: Never in the Wrong Time or Wrong Place
Link: http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=99993
Summary: An OT fic. A hopeless, lovestruck boy with horrible luck named Jeff befriends a Treecko (who bears STRIKING similarities to the one from the anime) through numerous and zigzaggy events. They then begin their journey. Other characters: an obvious, comic-relief-spewwing Corphish who has access to human pop culture.

Warning: the chapters can be long sometimes.

Aha, this would be epic. Behold what I still maintain is one of the most utterly ridiculous pieces of Pokémon fanfiction ever written. It almost MSTes itself.

Name of the Fic: Molzapart and Rainteicune
Link: http://www.dragonflycave.com/molzapartandrainteicune.txt
Summary: So like there's this Pokémon called MOLZAPART and it's a mix between Articuno and Zapdos and Moltres, and Mew too just for the hell of it, and it has 500 in all of its stats and five types and no weaknesses oh wait it does RUN FOR YOUR LIVES. And then there's also this Pokémon called RAINTEICUNE and its origin story includes the phrase "Hospital Machine's Thundershock" and then Ash's son came and captured it and used it in battles against a random guy using clones of Raikou, Entei and Suicune. Oh, and EVOLUTION IS EVIL.

Name of the Fic: Mission Pokemon
Link: Hope you're prepared...
Summary: A young girl suddenly finds herself in the form of a Pokemon in a town she's never been in. A talking Cyndauil finds hers and says she's been transformed into a Larvitar! Now this Lavitar and Cyndaquil, and their new Pikachu and Eevee friends (totally original Pokemon, I know) go on a quest to return her to her own world. Oh yeah, and somewhere all in this mess they manage to defeat the ultimate evil!

Why, no, I haven't been neglecting this thread at all. Whachoo talkin' 'bout, PC?

To update, yes, we're still taking requests, and after a month of waiting, the first episode is finally up.

In three parts.

Holy crap, guys.

Name: Mission: Find the Source of the Madness!
Link:http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=165004
Description: A story, in the first person, of a Pokemon Ranger's first mission as a Top Ranger.

Am I allowed to post in the thread?

HOLY CARP! THAT THING IS AWESOME!!!! 8D

Ninja Caterpie said:

Am I allowed to post in the thread?

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Sure, go ahead. Consider the episodes like any other fanfiction, really.

Just don't comment on the fanfiction-within-a-fanfiction, though, because that's not our fault. XD

HOLY CARP! THAT THING IS AWESOME!!!! 8D

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*bows* Thank you kindly.

Seconding this:

HOLY CARP! THAT THING IS AWESOME!!!! 8D

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Although I'd say it deserves more of the 'awesome', and this carp certainly intrigues me. :D

But great job on this, you two. Very amusing, and I kinda needed some comedy relief. Loved the comments, and for some reason the comment 'Congratulations! You got cancer!' made me laugh the most. But it was all good.

(Also helped that I had read the fic in question beforehand - still do.)

Shame about this long line of people wanting to get their fic into the MST machine. Ah well, I'll just laugh at your jabs at other fics instead. Keep it up!

In the not-too-distant future,
Next Sunday, AD,
There was Xanthine and Astinus,
Not too different from you or me.
They resided at a little place called
the forums of Pokecommunity.
They did a good job livening up the place.
But they got kinda bored of that-
So they shot themselves into space!

"We'll request cheesy fanfics,
straight from the author's minds (lalala),
We'll have to sit and watch them all,
And point out the stupid things we find (lalala)"

Now keep in mind the authors control
Where the movies begin or end.
Just to make it snarkier,
they brought along Pokemon friends.

Lunatic Roll Call: Syntax! Astinus! Xanthine! Andyyyyyyyyyyy!

If you're wondering how they eat or breathe,
And other science facts,
Repeat to yourself "It's just a story,
I should really just relax."
For Mystery Pokemon Theater Three-Thousaaaaaand.
[twaaang!]

Keep going, you guys! Maybe when I post my fic I'll send it to you. In the meantime, I edited MST3K's wrote you guys a theme song.

bobandbill said:

and this carp certainly intrigues me. :D

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How can you possibly deny the holiness of Jesus Carp? :(

Seriously, thanks kindly. =D And don't worry. You're free to add to our list.

The Unchosen One said:

In the not-too-distant future,
Next Sunday, AD,
There was Xanthine and Astinus,
Not too different from you or me.
They resided at a little place called
the forums of Pokecommunity.
They did a good job livening up the place.
But they got kinda bored of that-
So they shot themselves into space!

"We'll request cheesy fanfics,
straight from the author's minds (lalala),
We'll have to sit and watch them all,
And point out the stupid things we find (lalala)"

Now keep in mind the authors control
Where the movies begin or end.
Just to make it snarkier,
they brought along Pokemon friends.

Lunatic Roll Call: Syntax! Astinus! Xanthine! Andyyyyyyyyyyy!

If you're wondering how they eat or breathe,
And other science facts,
Repeat to yourself "It's just a story,
I should really just relax."
For Mystery Pokemon Theater Three-Thousaaaaaand.
[twaaang!]

Click to expand...

This, my dear, is epic. Seriously. XD

As a side note, but would it rape anyone's eyes if I started using quote boxes for the fic? We've discussed how using similar coding for the little parts and the fic might end up confusing because it basically forces me to strip the real coding from the story, but I was just wondering what would happen if I took all the italics in future stories and turned them into quote tags. Basically, just take the first episode and try to imagine all of those italics in quotes. Good idea or keep thinking, Xanthine?

I think it might mess with the flow, Xanth. Example:

This is an example.

Why isn't it ample anymore?

Click to expand...

There was once a tree on a hill overlooking the end of the world.

And I was smacking my head against it.

Click to expand...

Now that I've done that, I think it could actually work. So never mind.

I think it would be a bit too bulky. :\ Unless you just spoilered the whole thing. :\



Mmm. It's kinda bulky because there's that gap and all. :\

Well, the first episode was over thirty pages in length (so bulkiness isn't really too much of an issue), but I'm thinking of ditching the idea simply because I don't like the way the quote boxes look around most of the story. It makes me feel like I'm doing a review.

The alternative is something Thesis actually came up with: changing the font faces for the story parts. This means that rather than doing everything in the usual font you're used to seeing on this board, the story parts would be delivered, for example, in Times New Roman or Courier New. The downside, however, is that this is generally seen as a taboo. On the other hand, I'm not screwing with font colors, and I suppose if I keep it to a font that's easily readable, it should be fine.