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[Pokémon] The Legend of Shadow Lugia

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Skull Guardian

I am now FrostPheonix.
44
Posts
14
Years
Well, I have been fiddling around with the idea of a fan fic, my first one given up after half a page, and now I decided on Shadow Lugia.
Why Shadow Lugia? Because everyone regards it as EVIL. Ok, maybe not everybody, but most people. I am going to prove it wrong.
Please tell me if it is kind of boring at parts, and if I have to cut parts, because I am kinda new, and its hard to find one particular place to start posting and be regular.
Please dont sugarcoat any critic, but don't try to be down right cruel please.
Well, here goes!

Prologue?
Spoiler:


The Legend of Shadow Lugia

Part One: The beginning of it all...
(Chapters 1-4)

Spoiler:


PART TWO: Stranded
Spoiler:



Chapter nine
Spoiler:
 
Last edited:

Porygon-Z

Silph Agent
345
Posts
14
Years
  • Seen Aug 17, 2010
Well, I have been fiddling around with the idea of a fan fic, my first one given up after half a page, and now I decided on Shadow Lugia.
Why Shadow Lugia? Because everyone regards it as EVIL. Ok, maybe not everybody, but most people. I am going to prove it wrong.
Please tell me if it is kind of boring at parts, and if I have to cut parts, because I am kinda new, and its hard to find one particular place to start posting and be regular.
Please dont sugarcoat any critic, but don't try to be down right cruel please.
Well, here goes!

Prologue?
Spoiler:


The Legend of Shadow Lugia

Chapter one

Spoiler:

I think before you can work on anything else you have to sort out you formatting and paragraphs.

Everything is all squished together which makes it really hard to read.

I suggest that you take some time to read some other fan fics to see how other people have done it and get a better idea of the writing style.

This is especially important on separating speech. When a new speaker begins to speak, you need to begin a new paragraph.

Hope that helps!
 

Skull Guardian

I am now FrostPheonix.
44
Posts
14
Years
Update

Sorry that it was so hard to read. I wrote it all in word, and copy pasted it, so it was all jumbled up. Now, I pasted a word file so that you can read it properly. Also, page two is also there!
 
10,175
Posts
17
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  • Age 37
  • Seen today
Could you please just copy/paste your chapters onto the forums like you did in your first post? It's not only difficult to read your chapters (since that means that someone has to download your chapters and hopefully have a program to open it without the coding changing) but to also get some people to review. Some people like reviewing just on the forums, and having them have to use another program even just to read your chapters makes them more reluctant to give you feedback.

So just do what everyone else does and copy/paste onto the forum.
 
2
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14
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  • Seen Mar 14, 2010
Like 0xDeadCafe, Im digging this story, but I really wish youd seperate the paragraphs. Huge unbroken blocks of text get hard on the eyes after awhile.

Anyways, good job, looking forward.
 

Skull Guardian

I am now FrostPheonix.
44
Posts
14
Years
Format update

So, chapter four is up, and all four chapters combined are now part one.
Sorry about not being able to read it because of opening it in word. Now, its there in the first post as Part one, and the attachment is also still there so that anyone who thinks they want to read it in word can. Also, for your info, its in word 2007, so it might not work properly in open office.

Also, it seems that the paragraphing and all is the major problem. Anything else I can improve? Hope for feedback!

Hope this update helped new readers to be able to read my fic!
 

Skull Guardian

I am now FrostPheonix.
44
Posts
14
Years
Chapter five

Ok, I have written another chapter, and it is basically a description of Zion, the new region. It also says what happened after Hiro got stranded. Features two legends. This is not a key chapter, but it still was needed for you to understand the geographical feel.
 

Skull Guardian

I am now FrostPheonix.
44
Posts
14
Years
Update (possibly last)(READ THIS POST BEFORE THREAD)

Ok, I am starting to get frustrated. This is now my 6th post in a row IN MY OWN THREAD. If its that boring I'll stop, but please, TELL ME!
 
1
Posts
12
Years
  • Seen May 17, 2011
I have read your whole 9 chapters and i love them. plz make more chapters!
 

bobandbill

one more time
16,920
Posts
16
Years
That's nice, but the forum-wide rules state you can't post in threads that are over a month old since the last post (never mind a year) - only exception to that is for the author if they want to post a new chapter - and it's likely that the user has stopped updating this given the length of time too. Note also to check threads of individual sections before posting - the Fan Fiction and Writing rules state that all reviews must be constructiv - so in future when commenting on someone's fic go into some more detail, such as what you liked and why, what could be better in your opinion and so forth.

Hence thread closed.
 
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