Hi there. So I noticed you're only eleven and posted your story here, which great! I'm all for young writers that wants to improve their writing and getting feedback from others is the best way to do so. However, I want to bring up a few concerns.
Apparently you have the first three parts written but not in this section. You mentioned have them in "Blogs", but I'm confused where. Pokecommunity Blogs? WordPress? Tumblr? Either way though, linking your works here isn't allowed anyways and you need to post your works here instead.
While I'm here, I must say Chapter Four... lacks substance. One thing, you didn't post the first three chapters here, so I'm confused as to what's going on. Another thing is from what you posted of Chapter Four, it's pretty much dialogue with little expression, thoughts, and actions from the characters. I'll give a short example of how to add some detail.
Here you have Brey and Drake arguing how many days they've been traveling, but there's barely any description of the setting and their reactions. I'm also confused as to who's speaking. I'm going to take a wild guess here, but it's for giving an example of how to set up the dialogue here (I'll also be doing minor grammar corrections here).
My example is far from perfect, but I added in more reactions and thoughts here to give Brey and Drake more personality.
I apologize if this is overwhelming, but I just wanted to give out some pointers on how to expand your writing more. Biggest advice I can give is to keep reading books. Learn how the prose is written and how they dealt with pacing. You then can keep practicing writing. I wish you luck on your future writings.
