Life Mental health club Page 17

Started by Greninja, use Water Shuriken! July 31st, 2018 5:32 AM
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  • 422 replies

Inky

:pleading_face:

Age 24
he / him
Seen 3 Hours Ago
Posted 2 Days Ago
694 posts
9.5 Years
Oh I can relate to the last one and it’s my go-to answer whenever therapists ask about intrusive thoughts of self harm or such. I don’t have any real tangible thoughts down those lines but I find myself often kinda sat in a cloud of not really enjoying existing, or seeing the point in it. Waking up and wishing you hadn’t but also not having any real desire or want to do anything about it.

Fun stuff :femme:
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Hyzenthlay

what will you leave behind?

Age 22
Rito Village
Seen 14 Hours Ago
Posted 1 Day Ago
7,549 posts
9.7 Years
The current state of the world terrifies me. The world has just gone insane. I thought last year was bad. 2022 is shaping to be a nightmare with no happy way out, with all that is happening around the world -- I feel like humanity is peddling backwards into the worst of our recent history as fast as possible. I'm just constantly shaking my head in disbelief and questioning the future I dreamed of. Sometimes I feel like I've lost all faith in society making a positive change. And this decade is a critical point for making change. That's even scarier. Especially with threats of war/fear mongering...

I try to hold onto hope, because I know good things are happening out there, but when you never, ever see them, when all you ever hear about is sheer disaster and tragedy and greed and psychopathy, hope is very easily forgotten.

Still. I have to keep reminding myself to take each day as it comes and enjoy the present without drowning myself in worry. I find that stepping out into nature helps... especially hidden little gems. Everything is silent and peaceful and life goes on around you. These moments are so precious.

I suppose a huge part of my anxiety is being in a long-distance relationship, where world events can keep us apart for years longer, potentially (as the pandemic has done--we were going to meet up in June 2020...). So I keep desperately wishing he could come here to Australia. :(
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Fairy

she / they
in the flowers
Seen 3 Hours Ago
Posted 7 Hours Ago
16,727 posts
11.2 Years
I’m.. not well.

Learned of yet another person who I introduced into the drug culture has died of “addiction related reasons”. Even worse, I just discovered that one of the people I already knew had passed (around 2020) had a son. There is now a fatherless child in this world, and I contributed to the reason he has to live with that trauma.

I just haven’t felt right since. All of my instincts say, “this is all your fault,” but at the same time my own self loathing doesn’t allow me to pretend I’m important enough to have played any significant role in the lives of these people. Still, somewhere in there is a middle ground that represent the truth, and that inescapable fact is.. agony.
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VisionofMilotic

Female
Sootopolis City
Seen 12 Hours Ago
Posted 13 Hours Ago
7,577 posts
6.2 Years
Money is a trigger for me rn. Having the economic insecurity that I do makes me experience a lot of worry and tension. I have student loan debt, medical bills and a disabled dependent mother to carry the cost of living for, besides all the usual utility bills. I'm really feeling the price of inflation as well when I go to the store and try to buy groceries and other necessities. Everything has gone up, except wages. The money I earn is in fact less this month than I needed because my hours were reduced.

Some extra expense is also always coming up, the roof needs to be fixed this month, dental work next month, last month my dog had to have labwork done and surgery. What little money I try to save is constantly decimated. I do things on the side to make ends meet like customise dolls, consign some of my clothes, sell old books, but things are still bad right now and I'm getting overwhelmed. I felt scared and miserable looking at my bank account last night. I want to scream from frustration and anxiety.

In the past my dad has helped me with money, but he has problems of his own atm with legal battles and lots of taxes he owes, so I'm on my own until I get paid at the end of the month.

May is also one of those terrible times of year for me like the Christmas season because it exerts so much pressure to go out and buy gifts, graduations presents, Mothers day and birthdays-- every other woman in my family would be born during this time of year. The strain of shopping for presents pretty much every week, even small things like 20 dollars worth, is accumulating. I'm dreading invitations to activities like going to the movies or dinner because it will cost me an arm and a leg, yet I don't want to not celebrate with loved ones on a special day. I'm stuck in lose-lose siuations, and things that should be happy occasions become sources of worry, irritation and guilt, and I don't like having to preoccupy myself with small petty things like this, it's not who I am.

Name: Narcissus
Adopt one yourself! @Pokémon Orphanage



I got Haxorus on "What Dragon-Type Pokemon are you?" https://quotev.com/quiz/5077163

Nah

Age 29
she/her, they/them
Seen 7 Hours Ago
Posted 1 Day Ago
15,345 posts
8.7 Years
I kinda know how you feel Sam, financial insecurity is something that has been eating at me for years, and has only gotten worse in recent months.

I've never made much money in my life (I think the most I've every made in a single year is like $12,000, which is practically nothing), my income has never been a stable one, and attempts at getting a job that pays a decent, stable income have not gone well. And it was one thing when I still lived with my parents, but now that I don't anymore, the pressure has increased like 10-fold. There's all these new expenses that I have to pay and the only reason I can live in this apartment in the first place is because I'm sharing it with my sisters so we're splitting the bills. But then there's the inflation, and how gas prices are the highest they've been in years for no good reason. Like, I'm legit worried that someday I'm just gonna die a miserable death starving to death in the streets or something.

And besides the fear, anxiety, and worthlessness this makes me feel, I also sometimes get a bit pissed off thinking about we live in one of the wealthiest countries the world has ever seen, yet millions of people seriously have to worry about if they can afford the most absolute bare minimum basic necessities like food/water/shelter.

And that's hardly the only problem that is or could be affecting (the mental health of) you or me or anyone else on this psyducking planet
Nah ンン
“No, I... I have to be strong. Everyone expects me to."

Megan

Wanna see a real hammer? :3

She/Her
Online now
Posted 1 Hour Ago
13,426 posts
9.5 Years
@Sam and Nah:

I'm so sorry to hear. It's already hard enough having to deal with all these crisis as is. You living in a country that is so utterly broken that you feel like you're trapped in hell just breaks my heart. I do hope you two find something good happening to you that can lift your spirits at least a little bit. :(
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VisionofMilotic

Female
Sootopolis City
Seen 12 Hours Ago
Posted 13 Hours Ago
7,577 posts
6.2 Years
I kinda know how you feel Sam, financial insecurity is something that has been eating at me for years, and has only gotten worse in recent months.

I've never made much money in my life (I think the most I've every made in a single year is like $12,000, which is practically nothing), my income has never been a stable one, and attempts at getting a job that pays a decent, stable income have not gone well. And it was one thing when I still lived with my parents, but now that I don't anymore, the pressure has increased like 10-fold. There's all these new expenses that I have to pay and the only reason I can live in this apartment in the first place is because I'm sharing it with my sisters so we're splitting the bills. But then there's the inflation, and how gas prices are the highest they've been in years for no good reason. Like, I'm legit worried that someday I'm just gonna die a miserable death starving to death in the streets or something.

And besides the fear, anxiety, and worthlessness this makes me feel, I also sometimes get a bit pissed off thinking about we live in one of the wealthiest countries the world has ever seen, yet millions of people seriously have to worry about if they can afford the most absolute bare minimum basic necessities like food/water/shelter.

And that's hardly the only problem that is or could be affecting (the mental health of) you or me or anyone else on this psyducking planet
Can I give you a Zekrom hug Nah?



I'm so sorry to hear about your worsening financial straits, the anxiety it's bringing you and toll on your self-esteem. I think to be afraid is reasonable and basic survival instincts, because these are situations where we're not really safe, if hunger or homelessness seems like something that it could potentially come to.

I have struggled with feelings like I'm nothing too, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that with a media and society constantly communicating that our buying power is what counts. Our worth isn't in our monetary value though, and not having money isn't something to be ashamed of, it's the system that's the shame because It shouldn't be this hard in a world superpower for everyday people like us to try to carve out an existence with some dignity. You have every right to be angry about how corrupt the structure, and it's good to remember how many of us are going through similar things because it puts into perspective the kind of world we have, so that we're not so hard on ourselves because what's wrong is bigger than just us.

I appreciate you telling me some of what you've been going through, and having the chance to relate to eachother and reach out here. Though things are difficult, they can improve and I'm glad that you and your sisters have eachother at least, and I'm hoping that things start looking up for you in the near future. <3
@Sam and Nah:

I'm so sorry to hear. It's already hard enough having to deal with all these crisis as is. You living in a country that is so utterly broken that you feel like you're trapped in hell just breaks my heart. I do hope you two find something good happening to you that can lift your spirits at least a little bit. :(
Come here Megan! I'm giving you a Slowpoke hug. Thanks for giving me some love, I want you to have some back.


I feel more clear-headed now. Having uncorked a little of what I've been bottling up this month. The problems are still there, but there are other things in life that I can focus on and enjoy like you mentioned, even in times of hardships. Both of you lift my spirits. <3

Name: Narcissus
Adopt one yourself! @Pokémon Orphanage



I got Haxorus on "What Dragon-Type Pokemon are you?" https://quotev.com/quiz/5077163

Megan

Wanna see a real hammer? :3

She/Her
Online now
Posted 1 Hour Ago
13,426 posts
9.5 Years
Sometimes just the smallest things can remind me of the sad reality that is my eternal entrapment in loneliness and solitude. I can appreciate other people making new friends and sometimes even more. At the same time it also hits me like a hammer.
Moderator of Previous Generations, Forum Games and VPP
Out of all legal drugs labor is the most cynical one.

VisionofMilotic

Female
Sootopolis City
Seen 12 Hours Ago
Posted 13 Hours Ago
7,577 posts
6.2 Years
Sometimes just the smallest things can remind me of the sad reality that is my eternal entrapment in loneliness and solitude. I can appreciate other people making new friends and sometimes even more. At the same time it also hits me like a hammer.
I consider you my friend Megan, and think myself very lucky for that friendship. I think you are one of the most unique people I have come across, and you're one of the people that keeps me coming back to this forum. This is for you.


Name: Narcissus
Adopt one yourself! @Pokémon Orphanage



I got Haxorus on "What Dragon-Type Pokemon are you?" https://quotev.com/quiz/5077163

Neb

Cosmog Enthusiast

Age 20
He/him or they/them
Oregon
Seen 6 Days Ago
Posted 3 Weeks Ago
252 posts
3.8 Years
It’s been a long time since I posted here, so I figured I’d make an update.

I moved to a new city and started college. I’ve had to drop all of my classes twice because I still haven’t adapted to the workload. As a result I probably won’t graduate until I’m at least 24. I’m a Japanese language major, which means I have to study it constantly, even when I’m not taking classes. A part of me wants to quit, but I feel like I’m too deep into this path to just give up. I really want to become an embassy employee and translator, so I don’t have much of a choice.

Living in the city has been fun. It has a lot of problems, but it still feels like home. Although that might be because it’s within an hour of my hometown.

Getting back into reading books after a two year break has made a massive difference in my mental health. The same could be said for my daily walks. I started doing them as a New Years resolution. Not only does it keep me in shape, but it also clears my head.

I’m also taking antipsychotics with my antidepressants. Thanks to them I can go in public or think about my past without having heart palpitations. They also seem to fix my overly sensitive hearing. Slight noises don’t make me jump anymore.

I still struggle with ruminating about the people who have hurt me. It’s a deep trauma that will take years to mend. Sometimes when I have conversations with people online I get panic attacks if they say something similar to my ex or high school bullies. It doesn’t happen as often as it used to, but it can be quite debilitating. Thankfully my medication keeps my body under control.

Despite everything I think my life is going in the right direction. I just need time to adjust to adult responsibilities and process what happened in my adolescence.

Name: Lucky
Adopt one yourself! @Pokémon Orphanage

ZeoStar

Seen 1 Hour Ago
Posted 7 Hours Ago
10,032 posts
4.8 Years
Sometimes just the smallest things can remind me of the sad reality that is my eternal entrapment in loneliness and solitude. I can appreciate other people making new friends and sometimes even more. At the same time it also hits me like a hammer.
Sadly relatable. If I'm lucky I see my family once per year around Christmas. I'm not good at making friends either. I can feel okay most of the time with my own company, yet there are days having nobody to speak with takes a toll.

On the fortunate side I have a good relationship with my siblings. They don't mind when I send 10 random texts in a row, and almost always respond within a few days.

Megan

Wanna see a real hammer? :3

She/Her
Online now
Posted 1 Hour Ago
13,426 posts
9.5 Years
It's definitely good when you have a good relationship with at least some of your family members. I can't actually even relate to that, though. ^^"

I don't really talk that often to my sister (been a couple months already, she's mostly living her own life with her friends and friend) and the only reason why I write a message to my mother once a week is because she demands it.

My relationship to my family is actually so bad that I still have problems understanding why others would mourn over losing a relative whom they were close to. Like, other then reminding myself that others do indeed feel something positive (or negative when something negative happens) when they think about that person to a point where they have an emotional response, there is just no understanding on my part. It's easy for others to see me as very cold, when I react to their loss, sometimes. ^^"

On very rare occasions I may even think to myself "good riddance", especially when it reminds me of past trauma...

All in all: I'm always trying to rationalize why me dying young is good for everyone. Because it means one f-ed uo person less in the world. xD
Moderator of Previous Generations, Forum Games and VPP
Out of all legal drugs labor is the most cynical one.

Retek

He/Him
Finding the money left in Blackwater
Seen 4 Hours Ago
Posted 16 Hours Ago
1,211 posts
2.7 Years
Spoiler:
It's definitely good when you have a good relationship with at least some of your family members. I can't actually even relate to that, though. ^^"

I don't really talk that often to my sister (been a couple months already, she's mostly living her own life with her friends and friend) and the only reason why I write a message to my mother once a week is because she demands it.

My relationship to my family is actually so bad that I still have problems understanding why others would mourn over losing a relative whom they were close to. Like, other then reminding myself that others do indeed feel something positive (or negative when something negative happens) when they think about that person to a point where they have an emotional response, there is just no understanding on my part. It's easy for others to see me as very cold, when I react to their loss, sometimes. ^^"

On very rare occasions I may even think to myself "good riddance", especially when it reminds me of past trauma...

All in all: I'm always trying to rationalize why me dying young is good for everyone. Because it means one f-ed uo person less in the world. xD
I don't know about that last bit Megan, what I do know is that you're a really nice, caring and fun-to-hang-out-with person, and you really shouldn't think of yourself like that!

hugs 💛

ZeoStar

Seen 1 Hour Ago
Posted 7 Hours Ago
10,032 posts
4.8 Years
It's definitely good when you have a good relationship with at least some of your family members. I can't actually even relate to that, though. ^^"

I don't really talk that often to my sister (been a couple months already, she's mostly living her own life with her friends and friend) and the only reason why I write a message to my mother once a week is because she demands it.

My relationship to my family is actually so bad that I still have problems understanding why others would mourn over losing a relative whom they were close to. Like, other then reminding myself that others do indeed feel something positive (or negative when something negative happens) when they think about that person to a point where they have an emotional response, there is just no understanding on my part. It's easy for others to see me as very cold, when I react to their loss, sometimes. ^^"

On very rare occasions I may even think to myself "good riddance", especially when it reminds me of past trauma...

All in all: I'm always trying to rationalize why me dying young is good for everyone. Because it means one f-ed uo person less in the world. xD
I'm not sure about the relationship to your mother, although demanding messages sounds like her way of showing she cares. People aren't always expressive. (my family definitely isn't) but certain things such as that are ways of knowing. Nobody would demand messages or updates from someone they despise.

But hey, your always welcomed here on Pokecommunity. Might not be much coming from me as I'm not exactly the most loud or popular person, but from what I can tell from frequenting similar sections together, you seem pretty well received.

I hope things will look up for you.

Megan

Wanna see a real hammer? :3

She/Her
Online now
Posted 1 Hour Ago
13,426 posts
9.5 Years
@Dawn

Your problems and feelings are valid no matter what others may think or say.

Ngl. I can see a lot of things in what you said that also are very similar to my own experiences (of my self). But as I struggle with these things myself I don't have an answer to any of that. ^^"

There's like one thing that heavily contributes to the whole misery, at least from my own observations of my self: something that seems like an easy solution to a lot of my problems ends up failing (often even before it could start). Not because it doesn't work. But because part of my subconscious doesn't want it to work; not necessarily out of fear. But rather because of this desperate need to prove people wrong. Just to prove people that I am in fact a miserable, doomed, train wreck.

I sincerely hope you'll find a way out of that. You deserve better and it doesn't matter if some people say otherwise. It doesn't even matter if your inner self says otherwise!
Moderator of Previous Generations, Forum Games and VPP
Out of all legal drugs labor is the most cynical one.

Dawn

None
Seen 24 Minutes Ago
Posted 1 Day Ago
16,318 posts
7.8 Years
Well...thank you for your response. I am grateful, because it's more acknowledgement than I deserve.

Spoiler:

To be honest, it certainly doesn't feel valid when people go out of their way to flat-out deny me and basically tell me to shut the psyduck up whenever I express myself, be it on this or basically anything else. Although being told I'm wrong about myself is the thing I find it difficult to deal with. Resilience to being told you're wrong is something you build up when the matter is subjective (after all, opinions are opinions) but when you consider the matter objective - and I do consider my personal definition of my identity to be objective; nobody should be able to tell me who/what I am but myself - it's very difficult when your entire existence is basically denied by others. Repeatedly. Should it matter what others say or think? Of course not. Does it? Not really, it's the internet, nobody really cares. But it's very isolating and it builds up over time.

You would think that I would choose a more "positive" self-identity if I consider my personal definition of my identity to be the only correct one, but...well, in my experience, being "positive" never gets you anywhere other than feeling worse than you already did, because states of being aren't constant. I'd rather live in apathy as much as possible than constantly go looking for happiness and experience frustration, disappointment, and sadness when I never find it...which, of course, I rarely do, because everything that can go wrong does go wrong. That, plus toxic positivity is a thing. Hearing "no you're not what you say you are" is basically the definition of that, at least for me personally. It's nothing but semantics to me anyway; I am who I am, there isn't anything inherently positive or negative about me. Just things about myself I can tolerate, and things I can't. The latter vastly outweigh the former, and there's nothing I can do about most of them because they're tied to things I have no control over. Things I SHOULD have control over, but don't.

As for proving to others that I'm as psyducked up and worthless as I say I am...I kinda get that, but to me it's more...expressing my personal identity, I guess? I don't really need to prove it - it doesn't matter if other people believe me or not, it's an objective reality to me and since it's my personal identity/state of being, that is basically it, it's as true as saying that I need to breathe in order to live - but I would like to express it, and myself, without being told I basically have no right to.

It's difficult to really explain. I suppose because I don't really think about it, I just accept it as truth and carry on. Sometimes it's upsetting and frustrating. Sometimes it's strangely comforting, because if I'm worthless and nothing I say or do matters, then it doesn't matter how badly I psyduck up because I have nothing to lose. That thought has stopped me from going over the edge more than once. But...yeah. I suppose the easiest solution is for me to just not infect other people's space with my presence. But I felt like I should try and respond, since you took the time to reply to my now-deleted post. Which I'm grateful for, even if I probably don't seem like it.

✩ Paired with Dusk ❤ ✩ Backlog Zone: Act 1

Megan

Wanna see a real hammer? :3

She/Her
Online now
Posted 1 Hour Ago
13,426 posts
9.5 Years
Honestly, when people harass you to that degree that says a lot more about them than it does about you. You really have to be the lowest of the low in order to tell people how little worth they have in your opinion. If anything, it just goes to show that you have the patience of a saint. I probably would have offed myself a long time ago if people did that to me. ^^"

And it's true that identity is a difficult thing to grasp. But I do think that identity isn't necessarily what you are (or what you think you are) at a certain point in time. It's constantly evolving. Acknowledging that there are things about you that you wish were different is already the first step to a better self. And it's not something that others need to approve of. All that is needed is that you feel comfortable with it.

I don't know if you're in therapy. But if you aren't then it may be worth considering.
Moderator of Previous Generations, Forum Games and VPP
Out of all legal drugs labor is the most cynical one.

Fact Checking Gardevoir

Here to find out the truth... with YOU!

She / Her
On the road!
Seen 10 Hours Ago
Posted 11 Hours Ago
Just came back from an appointment with a psychologist.
At the beginning of this year, I went through a several weeks long practical training. It did have good moments, but it was still agitated, hard and stressful, especially for me. We tend to think that this is the source of the funk I was in afterwards, until may : Joining this forum and meeting you all has helped me a lot, but I still have that global feeling of continuous apathy pulling me down.
We also think that, with more time and talking, this apathy will finally go away.

For your warm welcome on this forum, your friendship and the fun times we have had - and will continue having -, my friends, I thank you even more.
*✧・゚:* interview with gardevoir *:・゚✧*
pairs credit M&G moderator

Retek

He/Him
Finding the money left in Blackwater
Seen 4 Hours Ago
Posted 16 Hours Ago
1,211 posts
2.7 Years
Just came back from an appointment with a psychologist.
At the beginning of this year, I went through a several weeks long practical training. It did have good moments, but it was still agitated, hard and stressful, especially for me. We tend to think that this is the source of the funk I was in afterwards, until may : Joining this forum and meeting you all has helped me a lot, but I still have that global feeling of continuous apathy pulling me down.
We also think that, with more time and talking, this apathy will finally go away.

For your warm welcome on this forum, your friendship and the fun times we have had - and will continue having -, my friends, I thank you even more.
I'm sorry to hear that Grace, apathy sucks a lot, but I also am really happy for you that we were able to put even a tiny bit of smile on your face!

hugs!

_confused_piplup_

Age 22
she/her
Hisui
Seen 38 Minutes Ago
Posted 12 Hours Ago
2,309 posts
1.3 Years
I felt like sharing a little bit of something that kinda makes me often sad, which is the relationship with my body.

Spoiler:

Well, I won't even talk about all the dysphoria I get everyday from the smallest things. That's about gender identity issues. Anyway, I have never liked my body, most of it, like 90% but I can't even say what's the 10% that makes me feel at least "ok" about it. Anyway, I had a harsh growing up but I won't get too much into it. It gave a bad time with my body and with my gender identity issues.
What is getting me really down lately is not much about dysphoria and how my body is so far away from looking feminine, but involves the luck of my body, like all the little things that most of us pretty much have, but growing up I had several of those and I am still showing some, so I honestly feel really down because those things are just a plus to my normal hatred towards my body. So, as a child I didn't have a tooth and I got an implant like 8 years ago maybe, but it required a lot of years of dentist appointments and tech. I have visited the dentist way more than my uncles lol. Then, I have problems with my sight. I started wearing glasses at 5 and only a couple of years ago I stopped loosing sight (for now).
Then, back related problems, because I grew up earlier than usual: my biological age was often tested and it didn't correspond to my actual age. When my biological age was 18, I was like 16, which doesn't seem too much but going back yeah it was. So yeah, my back tended and still kinda tends to be a little curved because I grew up really fast. Same goes for my feet. I need to wear plantar, otherwise I might get some little things under my feet when I walk too much and they kinda hurt.
I mean, I am used to these things and they're part of my everyday life, but when I look at them as a whole, it's a lot added to how bad I also perceive my body because of being trans.
But why I am saying this today? Today I had an appointment at the hospital to check something about my teeth and it turns out I have something that I am too lazy to medically describe. Synthetically, I will loose a tooth at some point (could be in months or years) but permanently. So I might need another implant. It kinda made me feel down because it's something really rare at my age, I guess. So, yeah I had my daily dose of sadness about my body and I just felt to share to vent for a while. Thanks.

bjsdlbbbsdMy VPP
d Meganium @ Level 100: 2,372
klkhohln



Fact Checking Gardevoir

Here to find out the truth... with YOU!

She / Her
On the road!
Seen 10 Hours Ago
Posted 11 Hours Ago
I felt like sharing a little bit of something that kinda makes me often sad, which is the relationship with my body.

Well, I won't even talk about all the dysphoria I get everyday from the smallest things. That's about gender identity issues. Anyway, I have never liked my body, most of it, like 90% but I can't even say what's the 10% that makes me feel at least "ok" about it. Anyway, I had a harsh growing up but I won't get too much into it. It gave a bad time with my body and with my gender identity issues.
What is getting me really down lately is not much about dysphoria and how my body is so far away from looking feminine, but involves the luck of my body, like all the little things that most of us pretty much have, but growing up I had several of those and I am still showing some, so I honestly feel really down because those things are just a plus to my normal hatred towards my body. So, as a child I didn't have a tooth and I got an implant like 8 years ago maybe, but it required a lot of years of dentist appointments and tech. I have visited the dentist way more than my uncles lol. Then, I have problems with my sight. I started wearing glasses at 5 and only a couple of years ago I stopped loosing sight (for now).
Then, back related problems, because I grew up earlier than usual: my biological age was often tested and it didn't correspond to my actual age. When my biological age was 18, I was like 16, which doesn't seem too much but going back yeah it was. So yeah, my back tended and still kinda tends to be a little curved because I grew up really fast. Same goes for my feet. I need to wear plantar, otherwise I might get some little things under my feet, when I walk too much and they kinda hurt.
I mean, I am used to these things and they're part of my everyday life, but when I look at them as a whole, it's a lot added to how bad I also perceive my body because of being trans.
But why I am saying this today? Today I had an appointment at the hospital to check something about my teeth and it turns out I have something that I am too lazy to medically describe. Synthetically, I will loose a tooth at some point (could be in months or years) but permanently. So I might need another implant. It kinda made me feel down because it's something really rare at my age, I guess. So, yeah I had my daily dose of sadness about my body and I just felt to share to vent for a while. Thanks.
I am sorry to hear you feel like this, and that you will loose a tooth... I wish I could be of more help, but your friends are there for you if you need a friendly ear. We love you for who you are.
*Embraces*
*✧・゚:* interview with gardevoir *:・゚✧*
pairs credit M&G moderator

Fact Checking Gardevoir

Here to find out the truth... with YOU!

She / Her
On the road!
Seen 10 Hours Ago
Posted 11 Hours Ago
After several days to make sure, I think I can say that, by talking about it, being aware of it and what caused it, and letting time do its part, my apathy is gradually receding and I am on the path to feeling normal and good again!
*✧・゚:* interview with gardevoir *:・゚✧*
pairs credit M&G moderator
Age 22
Male
Seen 5 Hours Ago
Posted 1 Day Ago
295 posts
3 Years
Hello, my first time visiting here!
I am Lucario and for the vast majority of my life, I never had any real mental issues, apart from mild social anxiety. At least not that I was aware of. Sure I had an edgy phase in my early teens, but that really was "just a phase". Anyways here are my mental health adventures over the past year (in the spoiler since it is a lengthy post):

Spoiler:

The last year chewed on my mental health pretty hard. It all began when I decided I was going to leave Biology and pursue a career as an elementary school teacher. My love for birds and nature did not disappear and I still want to volunteer in field research and education, and I do still get offers for those. However, this is where an issue I've actually had for the most of my life started to really surface and intensify - the Imposter Syndrome.
For those not in the know, Imposter is when you believe you're not good enough/deserving of your current circumstances and fear that people will at some point see you're not up to scratch and will view you as a fraud.
From what I've read, it is ironically not recognized as a mental disorder on its own.
I began feeling like my spot on many of the activities I take part in is wasted on me. After all, "why on earth would a teacher need a ringers license? We should've trained someone else" or "I don't want to take him. I put so much hope into him and now he's just gonna walk away". I began "saving them the trouble of shooing me away" and stopped showing up to most things, always with an excuse that I'm either not feeling well or I already have some other plans.

Eventually, the Imposter spread its ugly tentacles into my relationships with other people. Parallel to this, my social circle kind of "shattered" and now I have a social "spaghetti" and have to be mindful if one of my friends has beef with another. My priority became to make it so no one feels betrayed by me hanging out with someone else. It started to stress me out because I had a feeling I wasn't being "good enough of a friend". And that a single mistake could cause people to abandon me. Or it doesn't even have to be a mistake, maybe they'll realize now that I'm on my own with them, I'm not that fun to be around and will gradually just stop hanging out.

As a cherry on top, I started getting episodes of crushing loneliness. The cure is simple: just go hang out with one of my friends. But what if no one is available? I had a particularly bad episode last month where throughout the whole day, I felt like I could start crying at any moment, but no tears ever came, just the feeling of misery and thinking that if I was a better friend, maybe someone would've asked ME to hang out that day instead.

My mental health has improved lately. It began with my supervisor (whom I was quite friendly with) from the research organization I volunteered and interned at randomly gave me a call about 3 months ago, asking if I'm alright, why don't I come to the office anymore, am I mad at someone? I told her how I felt I don't deserve the opportunities, to which she told me that was nonsense and that my desk in the office is currently full of random stuff, but it is still waiting for me whenever I feel ready to return. At that moment, the dam inside me broke and the tears I had bottled up for so long started flowing. I don't think she noticed I was crying and I honestly don't care. We met for a coffee recently and talked about a lot of different things. And throughout that, not only did I realize that most did not care if I had a science degree or an education degree and would love for me to come back, I also realized that a potential close friend was hiding in plain sight for a very long time.

As for my paranoia when it comes to my "friend spaghetti", it also took a drastic turn for the better last week actually. You see, one of my friends (who isn't on speaking terms with a few of my other friends) has been dating this girl for the past year or so. I personally find her to be very annoying and he acts a bit differently when she's around. Since he would bring her to most hang outs, I kinda stopped inviting him because I would hate to make him choose between me and his girlfriend. This came with an immense feeling of guilt over the fact I've abandoned him over my own selfish desires. I couldn't take it anymore, so I invited him for a beer. Luckily his girlfriend didn't come. I got straight to the point and told him how I want to hang out, but he keeps bringing her along and I don't really like to be around her and that it's fine if he doesn't want to hang or thinks of me as a mukty person, I kept on rambling and rambling and apologizing and all the while... he was laughing his ass off over the fact I thought he would be mad at me. He told me I'm stressing over dumb things and this isn't me being selfish, it's just me expressing my own needs. If I don't want her around and should've just said so long ago, he wouldn't have brought her along. After all, he sees her and talks to her much more often than with me, they don't have to be together 24/7.
It has also occurred to me through a combination of people's comments and self-reflection that my friends don't have any beef or resentment towards me and view me a pleasant and kind person, therefore, I would have to do something absolutely outrageous to drive them away.

I don't think my problems are gone, but the future is at least looking a lot brighter. Past couple of nights I've slept really well with much less worries over "what I deserve and not".
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