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  #76    
Old 2 Weeks Ago (1:20 PM).
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Afterglow Ampharos Afterglow Ampharos is offline
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So like, this other city Vissi came in from, is it ALSO unnamed? Is it somewhere decently in communication with our city? Would we see Vissi only in newspapers or would it not be uncommon to have people who have actually been to that city? I ask all this because it would influence how known Vissi would be over here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Who's this Kiyo guy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glow
It didn't look... mouse-over-able
"The Appearance can be read by hovering your mouse over the Rotom Sprite."

- sentence literally right above his SU
God damn brutal

Thanks for knocking some sense into me love you too kiyo
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  #77    
Old 2 Weeks Ago (3:04 PM).
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kiyo, what if i swindled super hard and played as Dick the Electrode right before we start the IC

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Originally Posted by Your Daily Vitamins
Why can't you respect the deaaaad
GOTTA MAKE SURE WE NEVER FORGET THE LEGEND.

also to those who are wondering what the heck we're talking about, Fawnie is a young jaded corpse who was disowned by her uncle.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Afterglow Ampharos
So like, this other city Vissi came in from, is it ALSO unnamed? Is it somewhere decently in communication with our city? Would we see Vissi only in newspapers or would it not be uncommon to have people who have actually been to that city? I ask all this because it would influence how known Vissi would be over here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ech
Her recognition is mostly limited to just the city she came from (there's always a possibility of word getting around).
Again, I'm giving the option for other characters to know Vissi prior to the story. That's also why I'm keeping things ambiguous on purpose, so I can't actually answer any of these questions.
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  #78    
Old 2 Weeks Ago (3:49 PM).
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No one is asking or wondering about Fawnieeeee

cri

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Originally Posted by Ech View Post
Vissi's dad might show up at Finer Things. Heck, he'll come with Vortiger. The two will have a great time playing darts and will be too drunk to realize that their daughters are destroying each other in the background.
I wonder how QQ'll interact with Vissi. I feel like Vissi's gonna come off as a mother figure, but whether or not QQ rejects that, idk

Also, rofl, Vortiger doesn't like the zany kind of people, like unnamed Seel father. He'd probably slash him on sight. C:
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  #79    
Old 1 Week Ago (4:02 AM).
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Firstly sorry for delaying the RP.
Secondly I'm done with everything except the secret. I update the form with moves and backstory.
Peace.
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  #80    
Old 1 Week Ago (9:19 AM).
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grelzar View Post
sorry for delaying the RP

Quote:
MOVES
I like your take on Charge as a habit! Gives incentive to sneak in some narrative havoc; like say, he needs a fix and drains an unassuming crucial appliance in the Kitchen, maybe?

For Discharge, while your description and his ability to control how much electricity he releases is all well and good, just want to confirm: it's only with little variants that he's generally able direct the move towards a certain direction? I ask because what makes Discharge distinct from say, Spark or Thundershock, is its uncontrollable and spreading nature. I'm curious on the "line" that differentiates between controllable and uncontrollable, because if you intend to easily control this move most of the time, you might be better off choosing a more suitable move.

Omnious Wind makes me U N E A S Y looks good! Good touch on the "exhilaration" detail (a nice nod to the fact the actual move may increase all stats at once!) but what exactly do you mean by "augmenting" other moves? What does that entail? Maybe an example would help here?

No comments on your Special Move here! You limited yourself well and I absolutely adore the twist that it's "just amplifying the innate abilities of the device" as I said before.

Quote:
BACKSTORY
I think the biggest issue in this is simply with flow, the story could be much more clear and concise; the writing can be a bit clunky at times and there is a lot of room for revision. But I'm here to judge the story itself and search for discrepancies, so unless you'd like me to give you examples of what I mean here in the thread or in private, I'm not going to come off as a pretentious English teacher and have it be something you need to change in order to gain approval.

I will say that I enjoy the fact that your background has some justifiable mystery behind it. Sure, we get to know who B.T. is now and how he might function within Finer Things, but there's an element of gossip and theorizing to who he was before he died - it's a fun touch that fits into the theme of this RP. I'm mostly glad that this mystery did not detract from his personality now, as you demonstrated it well within your prompt.

Anyway, here's Wonderwall:

Spoiler:
Quote:
Ghost Pokemon inhabiting the planet cannot be attributed purely to breeding

Neat worldbuilding here, and pretty damn close to how the core series also views it; or rather, justifies its discrepancies. Got what you needed done for your background (the reincarnation bit) without making it the rule for any Ghost-Types that appear within this RP. Good work.

Quote:
The word soul is used due to lack of understanding of what a Ghost-type’s body is made of
It's made of spoopy noises and sckerry shadows


also bones

Quote:
This has been backed up by census statistics, showing that the number of Rotom born every year was close to the number of unnatural Electric-type deaths
It just struck me how psyducked up census records and collecting must be in this universe.

"And your typing?"
"Ghost and Poison, but I prefer the terms Undead and Infectious."
"And how long have you been deceased?"
"Five years."
"How did you die?"
"That's a bit personal."
"It's just for records, ma'am."
"I burned horrifically in a house fire caused by my parents."
"Ah."
"Christmas dinner conversation is awkward."

Also, reincarnated ghost-types probably have astronomically high rates of PTSD.

Quote:
As a Rotom cannot survive outside a device for too long, theorists believe that if an Electric-type meets with an accident at a large distance from a device, it will just dissipate
Hm, you took the idea of Rotom not being able to be its basic form for long. I wonder why that is?

Quote:
a private organization with the sole aim of rehabilitating these reborn Pokemon back into society
What a cool organization! Hmm, I'd bet they'd have charities too and be the kind of thing bourgeois clientele would donate to; make them feel all benevolent. I like the concept of this being in the world, it gives me ideas.

Quote:
composed of only Psychic-types, as they are the only ones that are able to detect the presence of Ghost-types
... what do you mean "only ones able to detect the presence?" Are you saying that normal 'mon just don't ... see ghost-types? Please elaborate.

Quote:
In this state of panic he did what any cornered creature does instinctively; he hid. The light bulbs on the ground had evaded his attention, that is, till he was inside one.
This strikes me as exceptionally odd sentence structure: like, did he just fly towards a random direction, trying to hide, and accidentally shoot himself into the light bulb, or did he not notice the light bulbs until he needed a place to hide?

Also, you said in the prologue that unnatural electric-type deaths don't form Rotoms unless near devices (leading to the assumption that souls form into Rotom inside said devices), but he seems to be born outside of a device? This aspect confuses me.

Quote:
the towering structure appeared to be desolate, save for a few puffs of smoke. More Dark-type Pokemon littered the barren ground surrounding the factory
Whatever this Bun T place is, sounds weird. I wonder what they're doing out there in the desolate woods, especially since you mentioned all of the people outside are Dark-Types. Reminds me that Greiger, in that supplement of Gabriel he did for Cornered, mentioned something of a Dark-Type discrimination that consequently lead to that type forming mafias. I wonder.

Quote:
he remembered dying clearly but he still had no idea where and how it happened
Interesting how he remembers dying clearly but you never detail it in his background. I assume, since the rest of his story is shrouded in mystery, this was intentional on your part.

Quote:
who apparently had been watching them the whole time

little did you know I WAS HErE THE whoLE TIME

Quote:
Lira greeted the Pokemon, who appeared to be a Musharna, explained the Rotom’s situation and bade farewell
For such a rude awakening and treatment prior, those dark-types at the factory seem to have heel-turned real quick on their nastiness to help the poor Rotom who suddenly appeared at ... whatever their operation was. Just letting you know that this sudden courteous behavior is ... odd, to me.

It might be justified if they knew what happened to the Rotom or who he was, but the details in your backstory make me infer otherwise.

Quote:
Mal attributed it to the trauma from his death
Neat idea of him dissociating being a side-effect of his reincarnation! I hope you play well on these disconnected sides and their interaction with one another and the world.

Quote:
Mal still recommended him to pursue a work license and he agreed with her
Why did he agree with her? Was it to help him rehabilitate? Did he concur to that point?

Quote:
He was free to stay the nights at the PRG Warehouse for up to 3 months but he never took up on the offer
Did he just .... stay nowhere? Relentlessly pursue his memories all day and night?

Quote:
infamously dubbed “Volt Killer”

I bet this guy or gal has some tragic, punny aliases.

Quote:
as even though it was 3 years ago, their times of death could be a lot later
"Hm, you could be the result of a death after three years of torture!"
"Great, cool, awesome story, yeah, so excited to investigate this, wowie"

Quote:
Even in the unlikely chance that Bun was once one of these Pokemon
Did he find them unlikely because of age and gender discrepancies? I assume since he's like ~21 and Male, he found the Pachirisu (a kid, I assume) too young and the Luxray too old, and the Blitzle too ... a woman?

Quote:
Jack’s parents had died when he graduated high school due to a terrible freak accident
What the psyduck, were they killed by Roald Dahl villians.

Quote:
It is safe to say that the entire town mourned his death the most of all
I must be a terrible person, I'm like "what a psyducking Gary Stu," and then I'm like "lol, he was murdered, lol."

Quote:
Jasper was the only questionable thing in Jack’s, otherwise, admirable life
He's even an example of (Bury Your Gays) hahahaha I'm cryyyyying.

Tainted by the gay.

It's funny how some form of homosexuality appears in most of these characters, do you all miss Cicaro.

Quote:
the young Electabuzz married Bertha, who was a childhood friend
Married a girl of his father's species, okay.

aaaaand cue daddy issues

Quote:
reopened it as “Cadd-Berry Maintenance”

Quote:
The fireplace contained a heater that could be adjusted to create the optimum temperature
This sentence was interesting to me, since I was like "why is Grelzar going so in depth about this apartment," and mentioning the heater allowed it to click more for me. Just throwing a concept out here: it would probably make a lot of sense if B.T. analyzed new spaces for appliances and muk, it sounds like the kind of thing he'd take notice to. Maybe what he picks up on in particular could be breadcrumbs to who he was before?

Quote:
he was merely ‘locked out’ of his body
Woah, what the hell.


Quote:
She did not want to believe that somebody she spent so much time grieving over had returned in a form so unfamiliar to her
I really liked this line, it definitely puts some humanity to this process. In theory, people should be happy their loved ones came back, but it's so painful getting over someone just for, essentially, a stranger to come back in their place and claim that they're who you lost.

Quote:
She left work early
... didn't you just say she got someone to cover her for work, why did she still go to work

Quote:
Bun lived in Berry’s apartment and kept a close friendship with Jasper
"So, why did he start working in your store?"
"Oh, he might be my dead husband."
"... and does he socialize much?"
"Yes, he has this friend, who believes he might be his dead boyfriend."
"So your husband was cheating on you ... ?"
"Oh no, two separate theories."
"wat"

Quote:
in a bid for independence he decided to find work somewhere else
I like the justification of "independence" as to why he left Berry's store, but I don't see stakes for him wanting to keep his job at Finer Things. Like, he doesn't need money, as you said - anything you could buy with it he doesn't necessarily need to survive - and if he was Fired or made no cash tonight, there really wouldn't be any severe repercussions: he could always just go back to Berry. There isn't any threat or fear of him losing his job or what might happen if he does.
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  #81    
Old 1 Week Ago (9:38 AM).
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Ihsaan Ihsaan is offline
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ill fix the discrepancies for now just tell me how to make it flow better
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  #82    
Old 1 Week Ago (8:19 PM). Edited 1 Week Ago by Afterglow Ampharos.
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Afterglow Ampharos Afterglow Ampharos is offline
Ampharos are the ultimate kid's bed. They have a built in nightlight and everything.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiyo
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grelzar
This has been backed up by census statistics, showing that the number of Rotom born every year was close to the number of unnatural Electric-type deaths
It just struck me how psyducked up census records and collecting must be in this universe.

"And your typing?"
"Ghost and Poison, but I prefer the terms Undead and Infectious."
"And how long have you been deceased?"
"Five years."
"How did you die?"
"That's a bit personal."
"It's just for records, ma'am."
"I burned horrifically in a house fire caused by my parents."
"Ah."
"Christmas dinner conversation is awkward."
True tragicomedy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiyo
Also, you said in the prologue that unnatural electric-type deaths don't form Rotoms unless near devices (leading to the assumption that souls form into Rotom inside said devices), but he seems to be born outside of a device? This aspect confuses me.
It sounded to me more like they are formed outside a device, but if they aren't near any devices, they don't have a chance to survive past their first few moments.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiyo
It's funny how some form of homosexuality appears in most of these characters.
Art imitates life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grelzar
Caddick, who many called Caddy
Another Caddy??!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grelzar
so they revamped the shop and reopened it as “Cadd-Berry Maintenance”.
(inarticulate Linoone yelling) "i'm pressing charges!"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiyo
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grelzar
She did not want to believe that somebody she spent so much time grieving over had returned in a form so unfamiliar to her
I really liked this line, it definitely puts some humanity to this process. In theory, people should be happy their loved ones came back, but it's so painful getting over someone just for, essentially, a stranger to come back in their place and claim that they're who you lost.
Me too, me too! I echo this sentiment.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grelzar
lack of negative emotions
Pff. They obviously haven't been inside his head like we have during the Katz meeting. haha.



P.S. I thought you might want to change this while you're going through it: all instances of "Flaaffy" were spelled "Flaafy" by mistake.

P.P.S. "except more clearer" should be corrected too if you get the chance.
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  #83    
Old 1 Week Ago (9:30 PM).
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Ihsaan Ihsaan is offline
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i changed everything so it makes sense

glowy's statement on rotom forms is correct

i discussed kiyo's final point with him already

bye friends
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  #84    
Old 1 Week Ago (8:05 AM).
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Afterglow Ampharos View Post
Art imitates life.
Quips like this is why I keep you around.

Quote:
i'm pressing charges!
> insider tip: unless SUs have at least one reference to a Cadbury they get rejected

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grelzar View Post
i changed everything so it makes sense
Yep, it looks like you've edited enough to get your SU Approved.

We've been discussing your secret and it looks pretty good, but I think there are a few more details left to iron out? Either way, I'll start getting the IC ready.
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  #85    
Old 1 Week Ago (10:45 AM).
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bye friends
Get out.
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  #86    
Old 1 Week Ago (6:36 PM).
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Afterglow Ampharos Afterglow Ampharos is offline
Ampharos are the ultimate kid's bed. They have a built in nightlight and everything.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Who's Kiyo?
Quips like this is why I keep you around.
And here I thought it was for my adorable badgers in little neckties.
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  #87    
Old 3 Days Ago (8:22 AM).
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Ihsaan Ihsaan is offline
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>hey ihsaan please give me your SU we need to get this show on the road
>IC still not up

psyduck kiyo tbh
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  #88    
Old 3 Days Ago (9:44 AM). Edited 3 Days Ago by Afterglow Ampharos.
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Afterglow Ampharos Afterglow Ampharos is offline
Ampharos are the ultimate kid's bed. They have a built in nightlight and everything.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grelzar View Post
>hey ihsaan please give me your SU we need to get this show on the road
>IC still not up

psyduck kiyo tbh
Given how Kiyo is starting this story, he needs every character present. That's what I expect. This delay is on the players.

If the people who submitted WIPs are no longer interested enough (haven't heard from them in some time, myself), someone should ask a buddy if they want to join in, or something.
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  #89    
Old 2 Days Ago (2:19 PM). Edited 2 Days Ago by Who's Kiyo?.
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puking rainbows
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ihsaan View Post
psyduck kiyo tbh
piss off you're not my real dad

Quote:
Originally Posted by Afterglow Ampharos View Post
snooPINGAS as usual i see
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ech View Post
never gonna give you up never gonna let you down
Quote:
Originally Posted by Your Daily Vitamins View Post
squadala we're off
Anyway, in actual news: the IC has been submitted! Keep an eye out for it. Also, you all should've gotten a PM about your Takeout ability for the upcoming hour.

GET H Y P E

EDIT: IC is up, and here is the first Guest List!

-----
If the fiery flash of a camera suddenly engulfs your vision, you can bet you're the next topic of Claudette, the Journalist's gossip column. A tomboy in a pair of itchy plaid tweed slacks, she frequently snaps her suspenders and proudly totes a press pass in the headband of her fedora. Nobody would say the Stunky knows the definition of subtlety or what an "inside voice" is, and her passion for scribbling down "the scoop" has deteriorated her penmanship and ability to tell when someone else is speaking. The only kept thing about her is her magnificent hair quaff; evocative of Marilyn.
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  #90    
Old 2 Days Ago (8:44 PM).
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Afterglow Ampharos Afterglow Ampharos is offline
Ampharos are the ultimate kid's bed. They have a built in nightlight and everything.
 
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Here's a question that I meant to ask quite a ways back but must have slipped my mind:

How well do we know our fellow player's characters? For example, Cadbury here has worked at Finer Things about a year, and the others are more recent hires, but I'm not sure HOW recent. Would he already have a week, two weeks, just a couple days, of experience working alongside them? What might he know about them? How much, or how little, would he be familiar with them? This is context I need to know for the purpose of writing my posts.

Speaking of writing my posts, should I use CSS similar to my SU, just cut down simply? Or maybe you had a format in mind for us to post inside?
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  #91    
Old 2 Days Ago (9:16 PM).
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Afterglow Ampharos View Post
How well do we know our fellow player's characters?
That is completely up to the discretion of the players. I believe all of you mentioned somewhere in your SUs how long you've individually been working at Finer Things, and it's safe to assume that people with a month of employment together have shared shifts at least once.

Don't be afraid of taking the first step towards setting the scene of a relationship with another character!

Quote:
Or maybe you had a format in mind for us to post inside?
Absolutely no preference from me. Use no CSS, the same CSS as me, make your own; anything goes.
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  #92    
Old 1 Day Ago (5:15 AM).
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YES

YESS

YESSS

WHEEEE

Ok so I can't post today because I have work and then it's game night with friends, but (can we even do this since there's only like four of us?) I totally want to claim the bathroom scene for Qui-Qui. I TOTALLY wanna start there.
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  #93    
Old 1 Day Ago (5:43 AM).
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Ihsaan Ihsaan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Afterglow Ampharos View Post
Here's a question that I meant to ask quite a ways back but must have slipped my mind:

How well do we know our fellow player's characters? For example, Cadbury here has worked at Finer Things about a year, and the others are more recent hires, but I'm not sure HOW recent. Would he already have a week, two weeks, just a couple days, of experience working alongside them? What might he know about them? How much, or how little, would he be familiar with them? This is context I need to know for the purpose of writing my posts.

Speaking of writing my posts, should I use CSS similar to my SU, just cut down simply? Or maybe you had a format in mind for us to post inside?
B.T has worked there for almost a year as well. Given Bun's forced positive demeanor, I would assume that Cadbury would respect him as a co-worker to some extent. My rotom son would like Cadbury as well, just because he is competent but he might be annoyed by him trying to correct his mistakes. I'll try and get a post out by at most tomorrow. (no promises though lmao)

As I don't think my secret would not be super relevant to the plot at hand I'll do it after my first post. Also Kiyo basically knows almost everything about it, so if he wants to integrate something into the plot relating to it, he would be free to. But if you want me to do it first I shall. If any of you want to find way to make our characters interact, don't be shy and send me a message!

(Also I just got done with reading all the SUs and Glowy your prompt was sooo good)
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  #94    
Old 1 Day Ago (8:31 AM).
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Afterglow Ampharos Afterglow Ampharos is offline
Ampharos are the ultimate kid's bed. They have a built in nightlight and everything.
 
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I really like the mini-bios for all the NPCs, and the map you included with all their locations is quite helpful. Thank you Kiyo!

Thanks Ihsaan for the compliment!
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  #95    
Old 1 Day Ago (11:09 AM).
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Your Daily Vitamins View Post
(can we even do this since there's only like four of us?)
I don't mind how you guys decide amongst yourselves who gets what mission, accepting it IC is the only thing that matters to me as the GM. Feel free to use the OOC to "claim" missions if that works best for the group!

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Originally Posted by Ihsaan View Post
But if you want me to do it first I shall
Meh, as you said, I basically have everything I need. Consider it Approved. Focus on posting.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Afterglow Ampharos View Post
I really like the mini-bios and the map you included with all their locations

thx senpai

> y none of u ask claudette any questions shes my bae
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  #96    
Old 1 Day Ago (1:00 PM). Edited 1 Day Ago by Afterglow Ampharos.
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Afterglow Ampharos Afterglow Ampharos is offline
Ampharos are the ultimate kid's bed. They have a built in nightlight and everything.
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: trapped in Toby Fox's web of influence
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Nature: Careful
Posts: 541
Quote:
Originally Posted by Who's Kiyo?
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If the fiery flash of a camera suddenly engulfs your vision, you can bet you're the next topic of Claudette, the Journalist's gossip column. A tomboy in a pair of itchy plaid tweed slacks, she frequently snaps her suspenders and proudly totes a press pass in the headband of her fedora. Nobody would say the Stunky knows the definition of subtlety or what an "inside voice" is, and her passion for scribbling down "the scoop" has deteriorated her penmanship and ability to tell when someone else is speaking. The only kept thing about her is her magnificent hair quaff; evocative of Marilyn.

"Ah, a press pass and a rapid writing paw. A journalist, then. Am I right?" Cadbury asked with a point of his index claw.

Next, he spread his paws. "Welcome to the bistro. May I ask what brought you here? Namely, I'm curious what story you're looking to cover here at Finer Things." After tucking his paws away again, he threw his eyebrows up, smiling. "Is there some scoop afoot? Not to worry, I'm not with the media, I shan't tell anyone."

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  #97    
Old 3 Hours Ago (9:11 PM).
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Your Daily Vitamins Your Daily Vitamins is offline
Take in moderation.
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Nature: Lax
Posts: 22
I'll engage Claudette at another time.

I made a post, QQ starts off in the bathroom as an attendant. Hoo, boy, lol. With a post comes format - and a drawing that's much better than what I slapped together on the ooc app:



Took me hours to to color it, but I'm satisfied!
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