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Old July 8th, 2017 (12:38 PM).
ninemales's Avatar
ninemales ninemales is offline
Boof boof bidoof
     
    Join Date: Jul 2017
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    (Hey all -- you can find this story in its original format on Lore. I think it'll be harder to read here, but I'll do my best to format it. Hope it makes sense!)

    Man:
    I'm sorry to tell you this, but Alan has passed away.

    Jolteon:
    I know. I was there.

    Jolteon:
    Can you tell me... Was he in pain?

    Man:
    ...

    Man:
    To be honest, I don't know.

    Jolteon:
    Right. That's fine.

    Jolteon:
    When is the memorial service?

    Man:
    Oh. Uh... The family already held it.

    Man:
    I'm not sure anyone thought to invite his Pokemon.

    Jolteon:
    Okay.

    Jolteon:
    What happens now?

    Man:
    Well, you don't have a trainer anymore.

    Man:
    You're free to go.

    Jolteon:
    Free. Great.

    ---

    Jolteon:
    Hey Ryan.

    Raichu:
    Oh, hey Sparky. Good to see you.

    Jolteon:
    You too. How you holding up?

    Raichu:
    Fine. The shock's worn off, and...

    Raichu:
    I figure, at least he's at peace.

    Jolteon:
    Yeah, that's a good way of looking at it.

    Jolteon:
    So... Where are you headed now?

    Raichu:
    Well, I actually had a good idea, I think.

    Raichu:
    You know how Alan always said he'd take me to Alola someday?

    Raichu:
    So I could try out that Psychic form?

    Raichu:
    Well, I'm gonna go.

    Jolteon:
    Nice. Alan would've liked that.

    Raichu:
    How about you? Want to come?

    Jolteon:
    Nah, I think I should head home.

    Jolteon:
    Been years since I saw my parents.

    Raichu:
    Cool. Well. Hope I see you again someday, then.

    Jolteon:
    Yeah. It was great knowing you, Ry.

    ---

    Jolteon:
    Hello? It's me! Is anyone home?

    Eevee:
    ...

    Eevee:
    Son?

    Jolteon:
    Dad! It's great to see you. Where's mom?

    Eevee:
    You've been gone for three years, son.

    Eevee:
    Your mother passed a while ago.

    Jolteon:
    Oh.

    Eevee:
    What happened? That human give up on training Pokemon?

    Jolteon:
    He also passed, actually.

    Eevee:
    Good. Was he the one who did this to you?

    Jolteon:
    The evolution? yeah.

    Jolteon:
    I know we've always been a Vaporeon family, but since you never evolved-

    Eevee:
    I never evolved because it wouldn't be right.

    Eevee:
    Not unless you can find me a Water Stone around here.

    Eevee:
    Otherwise, no way. I respect my mother and father too much.

    Jolteon:
    Right. You haven't changed a bit.

    Eevee:
    Damn certain. Are you staying here?

    Jolteon:
    Yeah, I was hoping to.

    Eevee:
    Dinner's at sundown. Hope you haven't forgotten that too, son.

    Jolteon:
    Of course not.

    Jolteon:
    By the way, Dad, my nickname's been Sparky for a w-

    Eevee:
    No. See you at dinner.

    ---

    Jolteon:
    Oh, excuse me. Didn't mean to interrupt your hunting.

    Flareon:
    No problem, I-

    Flareon:
    Wait a minute! I remember you! You used to live next door!

    Jolteon:
    Oh! Yeah, hi. I'm... I'm back.

    Flareon:
    What happened to that trainer? Did he retire or something?

    Jolteon:
    He passed away, actually.

    Flareon:
    No... I'm really sorry to hear that.

    Flareon:
    And I guess you just found out about your mom, too?

    Jolteon:
    Yup.

    Flareon:
    That's awful.

    Flareon:
    Well, if you ever want to talk to anyone, I'm here.

    Jolteon:
    Yeah. Thanks.

    Flareon:
    It's really good to see you, you know.

    Flareon:
    Do you remember how much fun we used to have?

    Flareon:
    Running up that hill? Just little Eevees...

    Jolteon:
    Uh-huh. Listen, I've really gotta go.

    Jolteon:
    It was nice catching up.

    Flareon:
    Sure, no problem. No problem.

    Flareon:
    Take care.

    Jolteon:
    You too.

    ---

    Jolteon:
    Muk, did I go the wrong way?

    Jolteon:
    Where's that path...

    Jolteon:
    Man, I wish I had Alan's map, at least.

    Jolteon:
    Don't even remember how to get around without it.

    Jolteon:
    ...

    Jolteon:
    What was that noise??

    Jolteon:
    Hey! Come out! Whoever you are!

    Jolteon:
    I'm serious! Show yourself, or I'll Thunderbolt the muk out of you!

    Jolteon (aside):
    Oh God, do I even remember how to fight a wild Pokemon on my own?

    Jolteon:
    Okay, that's it! I-

    Eevee:
    Calm down, son.

    Jolteon:
    Oh, Dad, I didn't realize it was you-

    Eevee:
    Clearly. You're making a fool out of yourself.

    Eevee:
    You don't need to fight every stranger you see.

    Jolteon:
    Sorry, it's just-

    Eevee:
    Come on. It's time for dinner.

    ---

    Eevee:
    I saw you talking to that neighbor girl.

    Eevee:
    She's nice for a Flareon, right?

    Jolteon:
    Yeah, I guess so.

    Eevee:
    She always had a crush on you, even before she found that Fire Stone.

    Jolteon:
    Sure.

    Eevee:
    Maybe you should go out with her sometime.

    Jolteon:
    I don't know, Dad. I'm still dealing with Mom and Alan and everything.

    Eevee:
    Son. Do not talk about your mother and that human like they're the same.

    Jolteon:
    Come on, Dad, don't be like that.

    Jolteon:
    This is hard for me. Alan took care of me for a long time.

    Eevee:
    I don't care. He's a human, and he kidnapped you.

    Jolteon:
    Jesus, Dad, he didn't kidnap me.

    Jolteon:
    I was on his team. He loved me.

    Eevee:
    Right. That's why he stuffed you in a ball and made you fight for him.

    Jolteon:
    Dad! You just don't understand what it was like.

    Jolteon:
    None of you do.

    Eevee:
    I understand that you weren't here for your mother.

    Jolteon:
    Oh, please! Like you ever cared about her.

    Jolteon:
    You just want an excuse to be angry at me.

    Jolteon:
    Because I was happy. And you never were.

    Eevee:
    I've had enough of this... brainwashing.

    Eevee:
    I'm going to bed. See you in the morning.

    ---

    Jolteon:
    I guess I can curl up here... Sort of feels like the Pokeball.

    Jolteon:
    Ahem.

    Jolteon:
    Alan, can I have a Berry before bed?

    Jolteon:
    ...

    Jolteon:
    Thanks, Alan. Pecha. My favorite.

    Jolteon:
    Can I have my Pokedoll, too? The Umbreon one?

    Jolteon:
    ...

    Jolteon:
    Thanks, Alan.

    Jolteon:
    Well, good night.

    Jolteon:
    ...

    Jolteon:
    Yup, I love you too.

    Jolteon:
    ...

    Jolteon:
    I'm really going to miss you.
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    Old July 9th, 2017 (12:41 PM).
    Bay's Avatar
    Bay Bay is offline
    Darkinium Z
     
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    Posts: 5,429
    Hey, so I looked through this story and thought the dialogue you have here has enough material to understand what's going on.

    I do like the grief and subtle emotions you gave Jolteon through the conversations there. I think some parts is where the Lore format is played well, like the beginning wit the news, Joleton's argument with his dad and the ending with him missing Alan. Like some folks from Serebii said, gives the real sense of urgency when those conversations unravel.

    I kinda agree with Dragonfree from Serebii with working a bit with worldbuilding a bit more. I take it this Eevee society you set up are like separate groups, since you mention the father being from a family of Vaporeon, or do they work together like with hunting? I guess also instead of stuff like "next door" you can say "that Eevee that lived over the hill" or something.

    One other thing is I kinda got curious over the relationship with Jolteon's parents since he mentioned how his father didn't care for his mother.

    Overall, this is a nice little read that gave me some emotions there, looking forward to more of your work!
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    Old August 1st, 2017 (11:34 AM).
    MyFavoriteWordisRollerBlade's Avatar
    MyFavoriteWordisRollerBlade MyFavoriteWordisRollerBlade is offline
    CrystalLip (on fanfiction.net)
       
      Join Date: Jul 2017
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      I do not have much experience with reading scripts, but I think you executed this quite well. I understood what was going on and could sympathize with Jolteon. I feel the story could have benefited from a line or two more of description here and there as it was difficult to picture some of the scenery. All in all, I really enjoyed this piece and look forward to reading more of your work.
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      Old August 26th, 2018 (11:18 AM).
      Marshtomp's Avatar
      Marshtomp Marshtomp is offline
      Flareon Fan
         
        Join Date: Jun 2016
        Location: Montreal
        Age: 22
        Gender: Male
        Nature: Gentle
        Posts: 1
        THE FEELS! ;-; The feels were so strong I legit started tearing up! The tragic feels when Jolteon was trying to deal with coping over his trainers death, and the happy cute feels when he started to get a crush on the Flareon. Y'know, we never really have time to think about the big question of what does the pokemon do when the trainer dies, but this explains that perfectly in a very tragic emotional story of a Jolteon who loved his trainer so much and is trying to cope with the ever deep tragedy of the death of his trainer ;-;
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        Pokemon 136 - Flareon - The Flame Pokemon



        "Flareon's fluffy fur has a functional purpose-it releases heat into the air so that its body does not get excessively hot. It has a flame bag inside its body. This Pokémon's body temperature can rise to a maximum of 1,650 degrees Fahrenheit. When it catches prey or finds berries, it breathes fire on them until they're well done, and then it gobbles them up. If it inhales deeply, that's a sign it's about to attack."
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