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Old September 15th, 2018 (10:07 PM).
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Marth Marth is offline
 
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I don't have friends because I have too many issues to be worth the hassle to people.
I've seriously been told that before.
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Old September 17th, 2018 (6:58 PM).
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VisionofMilotic VisionofMilotic is offline
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Even though I do have mentall illness I had not expected to join this club, however tonight I have been afflicted with such melancholy that it has led me here. My primary issue is anxiety and I take Zoloft for that. Sometimes I feel filled with such nervous anxiety that I want to scream, even in the comfort of my home I find myself pacing aimlessly. Sometimes I dread leaving my house and find excuses not to. I'm becoming more reclusive and worried about being judged by others. My confidence is fledgling. I used to live in an apartment complex and sometimes hearing others talk in the hall would make me break in a cold sweat and freeze in place. I would not be able to cross the hallway. I just did not want to be seen.

I take failure hard and embarrass easily, and my expectation of rejection often stops me from moving forward in life, getting a job I'd really like for instance. I'm stagnant. This creates a vicious cycle of greater shame, and right now I feel hopeless.

I try to be polite and considerate to others, but at the same time intimacy and familiarity can scare me and cause me to distance myself. I'm quite shy. I can't even take a compliment well without blushing terribly.

However, tonight I am feeling more depressed than anxious, almost dead inside. I feel wasted as if my whole life has been wasted and I will never proceed past this point. I can't talk to anyone I know right now though my my inbox sits full of unreplied messages from loving friends and boyfriend. I don't even feel like talking to my family who would do anything for me. I just feel flat. I guess despair. Not upset crying just indifferent like I could go to sleep and never wake back up. I lay right now in bed listening to dark music, some Emilie Autumn, and just wallow in it. I don't even care about being happy right now. I feel so tired and lethargic in fact I often do. I just can't concentrate on anything and I let myself go. I also have issues with nightmares, and when I have a particuarly bad dream like I did last night it sometimes sets the tone for the whole day.
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Old December 4th, 2018 (6:07 AM).
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VisionofMilotic VisionofMilotic is offline
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Its been awhile since I posted here. Things are better than they were at the time of my last post. Part of the reason for the troubles I experienced was an unhappy relationship that I wanted to escape from, but I could not say so publicly at the time. I am moving into a good place, a career I'm excited about, surrounded by amazing friends, getting closer to my dad, a new pet in the home. Its a very fun time of year right now with the holidays around. Yet, this morning has not been good, though overall my life is on a great path.

I have had trouble sleeping for awhile. Having to survive on such little sleep, and experiencing nightmares it seems every brief instant that I do sleep, has led to me feeling haunted throughout the remains of the day. I was beyond startled when I woke up before dawn. It was a paralyzing fear that has lasted for hours. I felt so stiff and awash in dread that it felt like I was having a heart attack. It was a feeling of horror that went deep into my bones. As the day goes on, I still feel fearful, but the overwhelming feeling is despair now, pain. I struggle to find the exact word, but I think it is anguish.

Not to mention I am having physical pain right now too because of the tense way I slept. My back has ached all day and night. I will probably have to reach for pills, but dread the outcome of that as well, expecting chest pain and the experience of the lining in my stomach being worn away from the higher strength ibuprofen. I had been having trouble with my chest and legs these last few weeks anyway, and am not happy to entertain some potential additional side effects. Right now I just want to not move, and simply wallow in self-pity. I don't even care about feeling happy, it is so morbid. There are things I might do that could cheer me up. Yet, I choose despair...
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Old 2 Weeks Ago (7:01 PM). Edited 2 Weeks Ago by Pichu.
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Pichu Pichu is offline
 
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Had a very bad mental health day today.

Wanted to stop by here to see how everyone is doing. Hope you are all doing well and if you ever need to vent I would gladly listen!
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Old 2 Weeks Ago (2:48 AM). Edited 2 Weeks Ago by LadyJirachu.
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LadyJirachu LadyJirachu is offline
Thanks for the pretty av Rainbow x3;
 
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Thanks to my ocd and aspergers, i've been having a hard time starting my new white 2 game o_O; i'm not even really sure why....(but i've been trying to find ways to get past this block cuz its causing anxiety for me and ruining pokemon a bit for me now)

I'm on several meds for my synthums (have been for awhile), they seem to help me with stuff like ocd a bit (i'd probably be unable to cope at all without them).

I started taking some algea suppliment to help with my white 2 blockage issue. It does seem its working now, cuz i have huge plans on starting my new game today^^

Also, i try to do whatever i can to calm my nerves overall everyday in other ways too (eat calming foods, drink a lot of milk and tea, look at soothing pastel colors, play generally pretty relaxing types of games on the computer, computer gaming a lot in general actually seems to help me a bit, try not to go on forums too often *they can trigger anxiety in me a bit...*, color in my adult coloring books, stuff like that. trying to look at life issues of mine more optimisticly also helps me calm down more^^ *and korrina helps me with my optimism skills :3 she's been known to help me learn to worry less time to time too. its not exactly perfectly helping me, sometimes she can even be a real anxiety trigger, but i still feel a sense of real comfort knowing that she's in my life 'cuz i love her a lot and feel really attached to her and i don't think trying to change that at all would help me in the long run.*).
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Old 2 Weeks Ago (2:57 PM).
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lillipup03 lillipup03 is offline
     
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    Just discovered this thread, and figured I’d join and share my story.

    So growing up, my life was actually pretty good. I had friends and people to spend time with, and I didn’t live in a constant fear of not having anyone to talk to. But in seventh grade, everything changed. Things started out okay, and I became a manager for our basketball team. Even though I was physically nowhere near as good at basketball as them, they were really nice to me and everything seemed to be okay.

    But that February... on a day we had off due to weather, two team members were part of a car crash. One of them didn’t make it. And even though one single event like that may not seem like something big enough to trigger a mental illness... it shook me, and I lost many skills that I had. I became unable to talk to people I didn’t know already. I lost all motivation to do anything. And it certainly didn’t help that the guy who car-pooled me and some friends to school everyday verbally harassed me, and said ridiculous things like, “No, you don’t have depression. You’re just sad.” as if he knew what was going on inside me.

    So yeah, my life pretty much took a downward spiral once I was 12/13 and I still haven’t rebounded. I’m working to fight against my “demons” and keep control of my illnesses. I’ve been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, astraphobia (fear of thunderstorms; this has to do with another traumatic experience) and aspergers.

    Hopefully everyone is doing okay right now. Don’t hesitate to ask for help if you need it. :smile:
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    Old 2 Weeks Ago (5:06 PM). Edited 2 Weeks Ago by Sheep.
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    Sheep Sheep is online now
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    I take a supplement that helps tremendously with anxiety (and apparently depression also!), which I honestly don't think I'd be able to live without. Luckily it's not something I need a prescription for and I continue to be thankful for that since I get anxiety about seeing a mental health doctor because it means I'll be admitting it's serious enough for me to need to go. :s Last time I briefly went to a psychologist I sat there in total shame feeling out of place and could hardly make eye contact with anyone. It was awful. Avoidance is an absolutely awful way to combat these things though, so I'll do my best to face my fears as time goes on.

    @Eric: Time will heal your wounds. But if not, remember that this it is totally okay to feel the way you do, and you're not alone. I'm really sorry to hear about what happened. =(
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    Old 2 Weeks Ago (12:11 PM). Edited 2 Weeks Ago by AdorbzFangirl.
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    AdorbzFangirl AdorbzFangirl is offline
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    I suffer from extremely severe anxiety... does that count? o.o I'm pretty sure it does. Here's my story...

    My name is Kimi. I'm 30 years old, and I have extremely severe anxiety. It started or worsened after I graduated high school. I found myself dealing with a lot of stress at times. I also think that bottling everything up contributed to my mental decline (My advice? Don't bottle things up!). Anyway, as it got worse and worse, I discovered that my mind was quickly going into a mode of depression. I found it so difficult to do any of the things I loved most such as writing. I often self-harmed because my emotions were far too overwhelming. Self-harming seemed like the only way for me to push away the emotional overload and bad thoughts in my mind. That, and music also seemed to make things better... but I couldn't listen to it ALL the time. Then, someone online, an ex-friend with Asperger Syndrome and bad anxiety like mine, told me about the abilify she took and how it helped her. I decided to talk to my psychiatrist (at the time) about taking it and what was happening. He put me on it, and everything has been pretty good for me so far. I still get random bouts of anxiety a lot, but it's much easier to handle with other anxiety meds.

    The problem for me too, is that many health professionals have told me that my anxiety is due to my autism. I don't believe this to be true because my anxiety would be far worse without the meds I take for it. I just don't agree with them. My greatest struggle is being able to express what goes on inside my mind a lot. Even with written expression, which I'm pretty good at... as you can see, is limited on what I can explain to them. They just can't seem to understand how horribly disabling my anxiety can get for me. :c

    Oh, and I also have slight social anxiety disorder. I worry a lot about what people will think if I try to talk to them. I get easily paranoid about hitting others up for a chat. Like, I just start thinking that they may not like me... or they'll ignore me or think I'm super weird or something. It probably has more to do with my autism than my general anxiety... but yeah.

    So yeah... that's my story! :3
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    Old 2 Weeks Ago (4:15 PM).
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    lillipup03 lillipup03 is offline
       
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      Welcome, and thanks for sharing!

      I struggle with the same thing of being super afraid to start conversations, at some points I’m too afraid to talk to people I’ve been friends with since we were little. I’d type a text up, then delete it because I was afraid they’d think I was really weird and annoying.
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      Old 2 Weeks Ago (7:47 PM).
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      AdorbzFangirl AdorbzFangirl is offline
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      Quote:
      Originally Posted by lillipup03 View Post
      Welcome, and thanks for sharing!

      I struggle with the same thing of being super afraid to start conversations, at some points I’m too afraid to talk to people I’ve been friends with since we were little. I’d type a text up, then delete it because I was afraid they’d think I was really weird and annoying.
      Yeah, I do that a lot... even if I'm good friends with the person. I'm always terrified of them judging me, despite knowing they probably won't... if that makes sense?
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      Old 2 Weeks Ago (4:08 PM).
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      Welp, probably time I signed up for this.

      I suffer from severe anxiety (non-social), somatic symptom disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and addiction.
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      Old 1 Week Ago (8:07 PM).
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      Aslan Aslan is offline
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      Hello o/ Moderate clinical depression and severe hypochondria here - have had depression for about 3 years and hypochondria for about 7.

      With depression, I experience apathy and emotional numbness more so than actual sadness. I feel a lot better when I'm socializing and around other people but when left with my thoughts, I often feel completely numb. I also tend to zone out a lot and live on autopilot if that makes sense. Depression has impacted my energy, interest and drive in life in general. It has been trial and error trying to find the most appropriate coping mechanisms, but I'm getting there. It's difficult to open up about because a lot of people see me as naturally cheerful and whilst I did feel that way years ago, its harder for me to maintain the same demeanour. Still I've become used to separating how I'm actually feeling vs. what people see me as, which is concerning. I know it shouldn't be like that and that's why I'm going to try to reorganise therapy soon, because it's difficult trying to keep a lot of my real emotions hidden.

      I have had hypochondria since the 5th grade due to a life changing incident. I find that even fixating about a disease can lead to me developing psychosomatic symptoms from anxiety, which has led to a lot of trouble regarding medical tests, scares (like thinking I had appendicitis or lung disease which the doctor once suggested, had to run tests for and was a very scary incident in my life). Does not help that some tests have led to finding actual medical conditions which is good in the sense that I can get treatment, but also bad in that it plays up my anxiety in if there's something wrong with me that I haven't had diagnosed. Mental illness is exhausting and incredibly difficult to go through, but if there's one thing I can take pride in from all of this is that I'm taking it slowly and doing my best to recover. Hasn't been easy but it's getting better, slowly. :D
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      Old 1 Week Ago (11:30 PM).
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      Sheep Sheep is online now
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      Quote:
      Originally Posted by AdorbzFangirl
      I still get random bouts of anxiety a lot, but it's much easier to handle with other anxiety meds.
      I'm really glad the medication helped. You're a bright and fun girl who deserves to feel comfortable in her own shoes and around others. You seem quite positive and understanding overall too, which will help with combating those negative moments. Keep fighting on!

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Fairy
      I suffer from severe anxiety (non-social), somatic symptom disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and addiction.
      Jo, you are without a doubt one of the strongest people I know for being able to push forward and continue living life happily despite all you've been through.

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Aslan
      It's difficult to open up about because a lot of people see me as naturally cheerful and whilst I did feel that way years ago, its harder for me to maintain the same demeanour. Still I've become used to separating how I'm actually feeling vs. what people see me as, which is concerning.
      Completely understand this too. :< We're very similar. But life is so insanely unpredictable and I'm sure things will turn around for you eventually, and you're smart and sweet enough for good karma to come your way at some point, even if it does take a bit. Fight on Sophie. <3
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      Old 1 Week Ago (1:13 AM). Edited 1 Week Ago by Aslan.
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      Aslan Aslan is offline
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      Quote:
      Originally Posted by lillipup03 View Post
      I struggle with the same thing of being super afraid to start conversations, at some points I’m too afraid to talk to people I’ve been friends with since we were little. I’d type a text up, then delete it because I was afraid they’d think I was really weird and annoying.
      Edit: I just realised that I might have misread into this and that it's about social anxiety in general so I apologise for that but I'll leave in the next part since I feel like it's important to talk about!

      Just wanted to add in that you're not alone on this feeling! I hid my depression for almost half a year before I told any of my friends because I was so scared that they would judge me or see me differently. I've always had the mindset that I can't burden others and that leads to me being destructively self-sacrificing in a sense - I always want to extend help but never accept any in return which frustrated one of my friends. It's so difficult to reach out but trust me when I say that if they're your real friends then they will be supportive and want to know if there's something wrong. And in the unfortunate incident they have a negative reaction then at least you know it isn't a friendship that would not have worked well in the long term. However if you feel like you're not comfortable with opening up yet then that's also completely understandable, but I hope that at least writing it out even if you don't press send is somewhat helpful - I do that sometimes and it does make me feel a little better.

      As a sidenote, I've found that it's been hard finding a balance between coping with depression / anxiety alone and opening up to people. I always feel like I've overshared or talked too much which then leads to me bottling it up and not talking about it for an extended period of time. Also I find that sometimes I just can't explain what's wrong which just leads to me feeling like I'm wasting someone's time.

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Sheep View Post
      Spoiler:
      I'm really glad the medication helped. You're a bright and fun girl who deserves to feel comfortable in her own shoes and around others. You seem quite positive and understanding overall too, which will help with combating those negative moments. Keep fighting on!



      Jo, you are without a doubt one of the strongest people I know for being able to push forward and continue living life happily despite all you've been through.



      Completely understand this too. :< We're very similar. But life is so insanely unpredictable and I'm sure things will turn around for you eventually, and you're smart and sweet enough for good karma to come your way at some point, even if it does take a bit. Fight on Sophie. <3
      Janna you're one of the sweetest people I know, this made my day thank you <3 I hope you too stay strong and keep fighting, and that you overcome this because you also deserve so, so much good karma. It's never good to barricade our emotions for too long though. I strongly hope that you have people in your life you can turn to and feel confident in confiding to. If not (and this goes to anyone else here as well) then by all means go ahead and PM me and I will be happy to listen or if you prefer, just talk about whatever you want. Sending lots of love to everyone and hoping you all have a good day, if not then I'm sure there will be brighter ones in the future even if it doesn't seem like it right now. Can speak from personal experience.

      Just wanted to share one last thing that I have found helpful with my anxiety - not sure if It will work or if it's an obvious thing (in which case oops) but I've found that with intrusive, anxious thoughts - it's much better to let your mind have the thought but drift rather than to obsess over the fact that you must stop thinking about it if that makes sense. For example with hypochondria I sometimes have thoughts such as 'What if I have XYZ disease they mentioned on the news?' and then the thought ends up getting stuck strongly in my head because I keep trying to tell myself 'don't think about that' which just sends me into a loop of fixating on how I haven't got the thought out of my brain yet. But what I find more helpful is instead of giving attention to the thought I just let it go on in my head and instead try to let my mind drift - if the thought pops up then I don't deliberately try to banish it rather I just like to imagine things such as clouds passing by or go about and do other things till it just goes away on it's own. Not a surefire method but one that has helped a lot for me. Sorry if I explained it poorly but thought I'd share!
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      Old 1 Week Ago (6:40 PM).
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      hoshiko hoshiko is offline
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        i don't know if we are allowed to vent here but if i am not just delete this post

        so lately..well not lately, but more so recently, my mom and sister have been pushing me to get a job and whatnot despite me being a full time college student and that taking a huge toll on my mental health. sure i only go two days this semester and i have a lot of free time on the weekends because i do not have a social life, but.. them sort of lowkey insulting me and feeling like they're not proud of me no matter what i do really takes a blow to my mental health.

        i've told them many times that i cannot handle both a school and a job, and they almost always end up comparing me to my big sister who is going to be 25 this year because she could do many days of school and work, but i wish they would realize different people have different levels of what they are able to handle. i do help around the house and sure they might seem like small chores (taking the dog out, washing dishes, putting dirty dishes in the dishwasher, putting clean dishes up, etc etc) those are a lot to me since my depression sometimes gets so bad i do not want to get out of bed.

        they want me to get a summer job, but i am not sure what i would do. i was thinking something under the table like dog walking or babysitting or something if possible. i do not think i could handle fast food (i get overwhelmed by too many things being thrown at me at once and i tend to break down and i often have to have things written down for me to remember it) and i am unsure of retail. but anyways. i just feel like nothing i do is good enough for them, and i just.. am at my limit. i want to save up money for when i move in with my boyfriend eventually, but i dont know if i am approved for disability yet.

        i was thinking of getting some sort of job (depending on how much i get from disability if i am approved), after i finish community college so i can start saving up for moving to where my boyfriend is and getting an apartment of some sort with him. but..anyways, my point. i am just really tired of not feeling like anything i do is good enough for them. i don't know what to do. my sister often ridicules me (my little sister) because i do not act my age, but i can't help that i am emotionally stunted in some ways because of trauma and other things during my childhood.

        sorry this is just a huge rant thats all over the place. if anyone takes the time to reply i appreciate it. please be considerate of my feelings when replying.
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        Old 6 Days Ago (6:49 PM).
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        Fairy Fairy is offline
         
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        I don’t fully understand your situation hoshiko but I appreciate that you feel comfortable enough to vent here with us. Expressing these fears and working through them will no doubt help you resolve these issues. Best to you and yours. <33

        Also thank you, Janna. You’re an angel. xoxo
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        Old 5 Days Ago (9:01 PM).
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        kantokraze kantokraze is offline
           
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          hello, everyone! glad there's a good club like this to vent where other people understand xx

          I've been diagnosed with a few things over the years, including PTSD, major depressive disorder, GAD, & POTS. (Although POTS isn't strictly a mental disorder its pretty damning to my other mental health factors..) Almost two years ago I got my service dog, Midna, and she's been such a blessing to have in my life. Although I've been through hell and back, even though it's still hard right now, I'm hopeful for the future.

          We've got this !!
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          Old 3 Days Ago (8:17 PM).
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          TheGhostHunter TheGhostHunter is offline
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            Quote:
            Originally Posted by kantokraze View Post
            hello, everyone! glad there's a good club like this to vent where other people understand xx

            I've been diagnosed with a few things over the years, including PTSD, major depressive disorder, GAD, & POTS. (Although POTS isn't strictly a mental disorder its pretty damning to my other mental health factors..) Almost two years ago I got my service dog, Midna, and she's been such a blessing to have in my life. Although I've been through hell and back, even though it's still hard right now, I'm hopeful for the future.

            We've got this !!
            Dang. It must be terrifiying to live with these disorders, but I'm glad that you have a Service Dog to help you with it. How has she been doing?
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            Old 2 Days Ago (3:09 AM).
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            Fairy Fairy is offline
             
            Join Date: May 2011
            Location: the flowers
            Posts: 6,861
            Puppy pics please! :D

            Also Midna is a wonderful name for a service dog. You sound like a very brave soul. <3
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            Old 2 Days Ago (4:06 AM).
            Hikanearylup's Avatar
            Hikanearylup Hikanearylup is offline
            Pearlshipper
               
              Join Date: Jan 2018
              Location: England
              Gender: Male
              Posts: 268
              Quote:
              Originally Posted by lillipup03 View Post
              Welcome, and thanks for sharing!

              I struggle with the same thing of being super afraid to start conversations, at some points I’m too afraid to talk to people I’ve been friends with since we were little. I’d type a text up, then delete it because I was afraid they’d think I was really weird and annoying.
              I sometimes struggle with starting conversations as well. I feel too afraid to talk to friends sometimes as well. I know how you feel, I hope things get better for you soon mate.

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by Fairy View Post
              Welp, probably time I signed up for this.

              I suffer from severe anxiety (non-social), somatic symptom disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and addiction.
              I agree with what Fairy replied to you with. Jo you are one of the strongest people I know and one of the strongest people on Pokecommunity. You are so nice and friendly, despite all the stuff you've had to face. You are awesome Jo.

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by hoshiko View Post
              i don't know if we are allowed to vent here but if i am not just delete this post

              so lately..well not lately, but more so recently, my mom and sister have been pushing me to get a job and whatnot despite me being a full time college student and that taking a huge toll on my mental health. sure i only go two days this semester and i have a lot of free time on the weekends because i do not have a social life, but.. them sort of lowkey insulting me and feeling like they're not proud of me no matter what i do really takes a blow to my mental health.

              i've told them many times that i cannot handle both a school and a job, and they almost always end up comparing me to my big sister who is going to be 25 this year because she could do many days of school and work, but i wish they would realize different people have different levels of what they are able to handle. i do help around the house and sure they might seem like small chores (taking the dog out, washing dishes, putting dirty dishes in the dishwasher, putting clean dishes up, etc etc) those are a lot to me since my depression sometimes gets so bad i do not want to get out of bed.

              they want me to get a summer job, but i am not sure what i would do. i was thinking something under the table like dog walking or babysitting or something if possible. i do not think i could handle fast food (i get overwhelmed by too many things being thrown at me at once and i tend to break down and i often have to have things written down for me to remember it) and i am unsure of retail. but anyways. i just feel like nothing i do is good enough for them, and i just.. am at my limit. i want to save up money for when i move in with my boyfriend eventually, but i dont know if i am approved for disability yet.

              i was thinking of getting some sort of job (depending on how much i get from disability if i am approved), after i finish community college so i can start saving up for moving to where my boyfriend is and getting an apartment of some sort with him. but..anyways, my point. i am just really tired of not feeling like anything i do is good enough for them. i don't know what to do. my sister often ridicules me (my little sister) because i do not act my age, but i can't help that i am emotionally stunted in some ways because of trauma and other things during my childhood.

              sorry this is just a huge rant thats all over the place. if anyone takes the time to reply i appreciate it. please be considerate of my feelings when replying.
              Hi Hoshiko, its fine to vent here. I appreciate that you feel comfortable enough to vent here with all of us. Expressing and talking about those fears will help resolve the issues. I hope everything goes well for you mate.
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                #46   Link to this post, but load the entire thread.  
              Old 2 Days Ago (8:14 PM).
              Rainbow-Starlight's Avatar
              Rainbow-Starlight Rainbow-Starlight is offline
                 
                Join Date: May 2011
                Location: Michigan
                Age: 25
                Gender: Female
                Nature: Jolly
                Posts: 15
                I am so joining this club! I have a lot to say about this topic, and I also love to write (and I have written about it loads and continue to write about it), so my posts in this thread may end up being rather long. This is a topic I’m very interested in and passionate about, as weird as that might sound.
                I’ve been diagnosed with severe obsessive-compulsive disorder, and I almost certainly (though I honestly do not know if I’ve been diagnosed with it yet; they won’t tell me) have bipolar. I have depressive and manic episodes that severely effect my life, so yeah, there’s that.

                My anxiety is so bad that it was misdiagnosed as schizophrenia for years, because my OCD thoughts tend to resemble delusions (my current psychiatrist says that my OCD reached “psychotic levels”). It makes sense too, since in the past my anxiety took over my whole life and made me afraid to even have windows uncovered because I thought the people driving by my house were watching me and reporting what I did to the government. That was just one example of the types of things I used to worry about.
                Thankfully, though I do still struggle a lot, I’m worlds away from where I was back in 2011-2013. I live with my parents, who are divorced (they live in separate places, but they’re close by and they still work together at my dad’s small business), and I’m a high school dropout (I tried to get help at school but they didn’t take my anxiety and depression seriously enough near the end, which, among other things, led to me simply being unable to handle going to school anymore) and have never been able to work a real job (and still can’t). I still have much less anxiety than I used to, thanks to therapy, medication, and other things.

                I’ve been hospitalized in psych wards four separate times, once in 2009, once in 2012, twice in 2013. I haven’t been to the hospital since, except for some ER visits that never resulted in me being admitted again. The last time I was hospitalized, which was in summer 2013, I almost got put into an assisted living facility. No one there seemed to have any faith that I could live outside of one, and it seemed that was going to be my future. I pushed back hard against that and won and was able to go home and stay out of the hospital ever since.

                The therapist I have now is amazing and I’ve been seeing him since 2011. Seriously, he’s the only therapist I want to see anymore, if I couldn’t see him, I probably wouldn’t see anyone. Almost all the other therapists I had before him were mostly awful. Seeing my therapist is literally the highlight of my week. I just wish he wasn’t so busy so that I could see him more often (I see him once a week now). I often share my writing with him, which helps him to understand better what’s going on with me and what’s happened in my past.

                Right now, the medications I’m on are an antipsychotic injection and an antidepressant that is also used for anxiety. They work well and have made a night and day difference in my levels of anxiety and depression. When I miss them, those old problems start to come back more, though I am better at handling them than I used to be.

                My issues first started when I was around four years old, when I was beaten by my babysitter for crying when she left me alone in her car. I struggle with issues that arose from that, including self-harm in the past, because it instilled in me an idea that I did something wrong and needed to be punished.
                This is just a very basic overview of some of the major things I’ve struggled with (seriously, there is so much more I can talk about!) and I hope to share more of my thoughts and experiences in this thread.
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                  #47   Link to this post, but load the entire thread.  
                Old 1 Day Ago (11:14 AM).
                TheGhostHunter's Avatar
                TheGhostHunter TheGhostHunter is offline
                Spooky Girl with a Computer
                   
                  Join Date: Nov 2016
                  Location: Lavender Town
                  Age: 19
                  Gender: Female
                  Nature: Careful
                  Posts: 292
                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by Rainbow-Starlight View Post
                  I am so joining this club! I have a lot to say about this topic, and I also love to write (and I have written about it loads and continue to write about it), so my posts in this thread may end up being rather long. This is a topic I’m very interested in and passionate about, as weird as that might sound.
                  I’ve been diagnosed with severe obsessive-compulsive disorder, and I almost certainly (though I honestly do not know if I’ve been diagnosed with it yet; they won’t tell me) have bipolar. I have depressive and manic episodes that severely effect my life, so yeah, there’s that.

                  My anxiety is so bad that it was misdiagnosed as schizophrenia for years, because my OCD thoughts tend to resemble delusions (my current psychiatrist says that my OCD reached “psychotic levels”). It makes sense too, since in the past my anxiety took over my whole life and made me afraid to even have windows uncovered because I thought the people driving by my house were watching me and reporting what I did to the government. That was just one example of the types of things I used to worry about.
                  Thankfully, though I do still struggle a lot, I’m worlds away from where I was back in 2011-2013. I live with my parents, who are divorced (they live in separate places, but they’re close by and they still work together at my dad’s small business), and I’m a high school dropout (I tried to get help at school but they didn’t take my anxiety and depression seriously enough near the end, which, among other things, led to me simply being unable to handle going to school anymore) and have never been able to work a real job (and still can’t). I still have much less anxiety than I used to, thanks to therapy, medication, and other things.

                  I’ve been hospitalized in psych wards four separate times, once in 2009, once in 2012, twice in 2013. I haven’t been to the hospital since, except for some ER visits that never resulted in me being admitted again. The last time I was hospitalized, which was in summer 2013, I almost got put into an assisted living facility. No one there seemed to have any faith that I could live outside of one, and it seemed that was going to be my future. I pushed back hard against that and won and was able to go home and stay out of the hospital ever since.

                  The therapist I have now is amazing and I’ve been seeing him since 2011. Seriously, he’s the only therapist I want to see anymore, if I couldn’t see him, I probably wouldn’t see anyone. Almost all the other therapists I had before him were mostly awful. Seeing my therapist is literally the highlight of my week. I just wish he wasn’t so busy so that I could see him more often (I see him once a week now). I often share my writing with him, which helps him to understand better what’s going on with me and what’s happened in my past.

                  Right now, the medications I’m on are an antipsychotic injection and an antidepressant that is also used for anxiety. They work well and have made a night and day difference in my levels of anxiety and depression. When I miss them, those old problems start to come back more, though I am better at handling them than I used to be.

                  My issues first started when I was around four years old, when I was beaten by my babysitter for crying when she left me alone in her car. I struggle with issues that arose from that, including self-harm in the past, because it instilled in me an idea that I did something wrong and needed to be punished.
                  This is just a very basic overview of some of the major things I’ve struggled with (seriously, there is so much more I can talk about!) and I hope to share more of my thoughts and experiences in this thread.
                  That must be terrible to go through before you had gotten the medications you needed. While I had only wanted to hurt myself once when my dad had a drinking problem, I still had some serious issues after that and thus, I had started therapy which helps. On a similar note, I am relatively self-conscious about trying to fit in while being myself, which explains why I didn't join my college's Christian club (along with the fact that I couldn't fit it in with my schedule). No offense to anybody religious here.
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                  Adopt one yourself! @Pokémon Orphanage
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                    #48   Link to this post, but load the entire thread.  
                  Old 1 Day Ago (1:51 PM).
                  Hikanearylup's Avatar
                  Hikanearylup Hikanearylup is offline
                  Pearlshipper
                     
                    Join Date: Jan 2018
                    Location: England
                    Gender: Male
                    Posts: 268
                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by Rainbow-Starlight View Post
                    I am so joining this club! I have a lot to say about this topic, and I also love to write (and I have written about it loads and continue to write about it), so my posts in this thread may end up being rather long. This is a topic I’m very interested in and passionate about, as weird as that might sound.
                    I’ve been diagnosed with severe obsessive-compulsive disorder, and I almost certainly (though I honestly do not know if I’ve been diagnosed with it yet; they won’t tell me) have bipolar. I have depressive and manic episodes that severely effect my life, so yeah, there’s that.

                    My anxiety is so bad that it was misdiagnosed as schizophrenia for years, because my OCD thoughts tend to resemble delusions (my current psychiatrist says that my OCD reached “psychotic levels”). It makes sense too, since in the past my anxiety took over my whole life and made me afraid to even have windows uncovered because I thought the people driving by my house were watching me and reporting what I did to the government. That was just one example of the types of things I used to worry about.
                    Thankfully, though I do still struggle a lot, I’m worlds away from where I was back in 2011-2013. I live with my parents, who are divorced (they live in separate places, but they’re close by and they still work together at my dad’s small business), and I’m a high school dropout (I tried to get help at school but they didn’t take my anxiety and depression seriously enough near the end, which, among other things, led to me simply being unable to handle going to school anymore) and have never been able to work a real job (and still can’t). I still have much less anxiety than I used to, thanks to therapy, medication, and other things.

                    I’ve been hospitalized in psych wards four separate times, once in 2009, once in 2012, twice in 2013. I haven’t been to the hospital since, except for some ER visits that never resulted in me being admitted again. The last time I was hospitalized, which was in summer 2013, I almost got put into an assisted living facility. No one there seemed to have any faith that I could live outside of one, and it seemed that was going to be my future. I pushed back hard against that and won and was able to go home and stay out of the hospital ever since.

                    The therapist I have now is amazing and I’ve been seeing him since 2011. Seriously, he’s the only therapist I want to see anymore, if I couldn’t see him, I probably wouldn’t see anyone. Almost all the other therapists I had before him were mostly awful. Seeing my therapist is literally the highlight of my week. I just wish he wasn’t so busy so that I could see him more often (I see him once a week now). I often share my writing with him, which helps him to understand better what’s going on with me and what’s happened in my past.

                    Right now, the medications I’m on are an antipsychotic injection and an antidepressant that is also used for anxiety. They work well and have made a night and day difference in my levels of anxiety and depression. When I miss them, those old problems start to come back more, though I am better at handling them than I used to be.

                    My issues first started when I was around four years old, when I was beaten by my babysitter for crying when she left me alone in her car. I struggle with issues that arose from that, including self-harm in the past, because it instilled in me an idea that I did something wrong and needed to be punished.
                    This is just a very basic overview of some of the major things I’ve struggled with (seriously, there is so much more I can talk about!) and I hope to share more of my thoughts and experiences in this thread.
                    Hi Rainbow, its good to see you here
                    Great job Rainbow, for so articulately explaining your illness and the effects it has had on you.
                    Your post is great advice and support for anyone suffering from psychosis.
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