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Pokémon Through the Aura

Started by Bardothren June 27th, 2015 2:05 PM
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Sike_Saner

*aromatisse noise*

Age 35
Female
Earth
Seen 1 Week Ago
Posted 4 Weeks Ago
164 posts
12.6 Years
A roserade, wearing a flowing black dress and holding a microphone in her petals, spoke into it as she walked into the entrance. “This is Alex Bayson, reporting to you live from the ruins uncovered earlier this morning by an excavation team searching for oil.
I see what u did there

The technology we’ve seen so far indicates that this predates known civilization, and it may provide a valuable insight into the lost history of pokemon. I have with me my cameraman, Sikes, and a large escort of officers in the event we run into anything alive down there. I will be giving you all the news as we explore the ruins.
I see what else u possibly did there

They tried prying open the door with a circular yellow sign painted onto it, but even with crowbars and superhuman strength, the door wouldn’t budge.
They should've tried superhuman crowbars.

“It seems that this cavern is coated with tiny white crystals. Perhaps this cavern held a mining operation long ago. Officer Nolf, could you please share your opinions on this place?”
I see whatx3 combob

The pokemon vanished and reappeared behind the officer, and then he dug his fingers into the officer’s shoulder-blade. The officer gave a brief cry of pain before he fell to the floor.
That nerve-pinch muk actually works, incidentally. Or something like it does. Someone decided to demonstrate on me once in a library of all places.

That person (presumably) has moved away since. I don't miss him.

“What year? It’s the five-hundred and eighty-fifth year in the Era of The Father.”
the era of wHOM NOW

Guess we know who won that war!

Arkus furrowed his brow at hearing the year. “I see.” He walked up the stairs, and after looking at the unconscious officers, Alex followed after him. Arkus went into the refrigerator and opened two bottles of root beer.

“Here,” he said, handing Alex a root beer. She twirled a vine around the bottle and took a sip while Arkus drained his bottle in a few gulps.

“I wish it was cold, but after six hundred years, I’m just happy it’s still drinkable.”
I've figured it out. I know what the ultimate goal of this series is. It's to make me want root beer at all times.

“No! Stay away from me!” Alex waved her petals forward, scattering a cloud of orange powder. She ran out of the refrigerator, but Arkus was waiting outside the door. He placed a finger onto her forehead, and she slumped to the ground.
did he just take her bending

Sike_Saner

*aromatisse noise*

Age 35
Female
Earth
Seen 1 Week Ago
Posted 4 Weeks Ago
164 posts
12.6 Years
Every time her long, black hair got caught on a shelf or under the wheels of her cart, she hissed and gently untangled it.
Ah yes, long hair problems. I sympathize.

It’s also odd that he keeps his headleaf tucked under his hood. Isn’t that uncomfortable?
Probably. But maybe it helps keep the aphids off. shrugs

With a sigh, Alicia rubbed her fingers together, conjuring a thin, dark blade between her fingers.
Alicia what are you...

She snapped her fingers, and the dark blade shattered into dust.
That poor old lopunny's going to have to sweep that up, isn't she...

Alicia dusted off the tables, starting with the grovyle’s table.
...Ah. Perhaps not.

She threw her dirty dishes in the kitchen sink, rummaged around her icebox, and took out a half-eaten chocolate cake. She crammed the piece in her mouth and rinsed it down with sink water
Dinner of champions!

Sike_Saner

*aromatisse noise*

Age 35
Female
Earth
Seen 1 Week Ago
Posted 4 Weeks Ago
164 posts
12.6 Years
iru rushed forward and threw a white cloth into the ring. The announcer called an end to the match, but as Eck hobbled off the stage, Muld wrapped an arm around his throat and squeezed. A referee waddled onto the stage and stunned Muld with an electric shock.

“That’s a penalty on Muld, folks! Eck wins the match!”
I wonder if Muld really was enough of an asshat to just do a thing like that or if, well. Someone might have been influencing him.

“Wait, you want to buy Eck? Not that I’m complaining, but you know he’s going to be out of the rings for a few weeks, right?”

“That won’t be a problem,” the stranger replied. “Would eight-thousand be enough?”

“Eight thousand! I only paid six for him, and that was after a winning streak. Not that I wouldn’t want the money, but are you sure you got the right guy?”

“I’m sure. Is it a deal?”
Okay now I have to wonder if this guy was influencing him, or if maybe someone in cahoots with this guy was.

Once Siru was done, Eck took a closer look at his new master’s face. It seemed as though he was wearing a blue, transparent mask shaped like a grovyle, with a more canine face underneath. Eck strained his eyes and saw that the grovyle face was the fake.
OH HI LUCARIO

Eck escorted his new master to a nearby pub that served thick-sliced hamburgers piled high with bacon and mushrooms.
God that sounds so good right about now...

Sike_Saner

*aromatisse noise*

Age 35
Female
Earth
Seen 1 Week Ago
Posted 4 Weeks Ago
164 posts
12.6 Years
That way, he could both maintain the illusion of openness
That's probably not a zoroark pun, but boy howdy does it work as one.

Although the claydol threw itself at the door and wiggled the handle, it couldn’t escape.
They're telekinetics. I know this. Yet still I couldn't keep from picturing the silly thing trying to open the door with those little turret things they have for hands, because that's adorable and also kind of hilarious.

Dussell slammed one fist onto the desk and threw his other hand out to whip the claydol with a strand of dark energy.
Awww. Poor dear.

The claydol cowered behind the fern and said, yes sir. From one of its eyes came a blue beam that materialized into


The unit flew erratically, knocking into desks and toppling people over as it returned to the repository.
Considering the average claydol weighs over 200 lbs, somebody might need a band-aid.

Officer Fale turned a shade paler
AND SO IT WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS...

“My father,” Dussell said when he heard the line click. “Have you heard the news about Jennings?”

“Albor Jennings? I ordered that hit. However, I hear an unlicensed assassin took the contract. I don’t know who, nor does my agent, so for now, I advise you drop the matter.”

“Did you know the bullet was fired from a quarter mile away, around the X tower?”

His father went silent for a moment, and then he answered, “That changes nothing, so long as he remains within the bounds of our contracts. Make sure this news doesn’t go public, and I shall notify you when it is time to start a serious investigation into this matter.”
Somehow I suspect that claydol is boneroned.

Just before he set the phone down, a knock came at his door. Dussell opened it and found Officer Fale on the other side, holding an envelope.

“Pardon me, sir, I hope I wasn’t interrupting, but a letter just came for you. One of, um, those letters.”
Dussell couldn't believe it. After all these years, he'd finally been accepted at Hogwarts. Better late than never!

He was debating sending a second unit for more calculations when his wife walked into his office. Though she ducked underneath the doorframe, the fires flickering out of the back of her neck singed the wood.
Whoops! Maybe they ought to replace that doorframe with something a touch less flammable. Or maybe this is a rapidash situation and Miss Typhlosion just needs to fine-tune her fire mastery a little bit more.

“What’s eating you?” she asked as she wiped the tomata berry sauce from her mouth.
"You, you horrid badgerthing!" cried the sandwich.

“I’m terribly sorry sir, please forgive me!”

“No, I must ask for your forgiveness.” Dussell took his wallet out of his pocket and gave him a twenty. “My wife has a short temper, sometimes. I hope there’s no harm done.”

The nuzleaf rubbed his throat and said, “No sir, none at all. Thank you.”
Huh. Maybe the claydol's not boneroned after all.

Maybe.

Sike_Saner

*aromatisse noise*

Age 35
Female
Earth
Seen 1 Week Ago
Posted 4 Weeks Ago
164 posts
12.6 Years
She returned home Tuesday night and flung open the fridge, but all she could find was a moldy loaf of bread crammed into the back of the bottom shelf, a rancid jar of mayonnaise, and an unopened bottle of wine she received at last year’s family meeting.
Sounds like she needs to clean her fridge. I wonder if she's feeling all right...

Alicia looked up and saw the bartender tower over her. His thick, meaty blue face had a few scars along the jawline, his arms were as thick as full-grown trees, and his plated shell was thick enough to stop a bullet, judging by the dent just under his heart. She stayed silent and looked away from him.
Of course now I'm curious as to who looks at a blastoise, looks at those cannons, and thinks I'm gonna shoot that. I know they're super soakers, but still. Very powerful super soakers. I bet a blastoise could shoot a hole through you with those things if they really wanted to.

The blastoise lumbered off to fill an ice bucket with beers.
Once, when I was at the casino, they were advertising beer buckets on a blackboard. Someone had erased the "r".

I wonder what they would've done if someone had actually gone up and tried to order a bee bucket.

“She’s a woman, just like any other, and she clearly doesn’t know how to have fun. It’s my duty as a gentleman to teach her.”
Hey, does the bucket of bees contain the sort that can survive stinging? Because if it does, gee whiz, I think I'd really like to throw one at Jeff.

Nevermind that he's possibly a pokémon and therefore might have powers.

“Hi, I’m Jeff.”

Alicia debated what to do and decided to return the greeting. She glanced over and saw that he was a blaziken, dressed in a loose-fitting black jacket and jeans.
Aw damn. The bee bucket wouldn't be very effective. :(

Sike_Saner

*aromatisse noise*

Age 35
Female
Earth
Seen 1 Week Ago
Posted 4 Weeks Ago
164 posts
12.6 Years
“Well, if it isn’t the shrimp. How’s your widdle leg doing?”

“Better than you are, meathead. I can only imagine the scolding you got for losing the match.”

“Oh, that? My master ordered me to throw the match. You see, if I win too many matches, I’ll get pitted against tougher opponents. My master wants steady money, you see.”
That answers that, I suppose.

“Alright, you two, into the bed.” Millie stood up and slid the bed back into the wall, then she reached down and slid a panel of flooring aside, revealing a staircase. Eck felt his way down the stairs and reached a door at the end of the hall. He knocked four times, drawing out the third knock, and the door opened.
Well that was certainly unexpected.

As for you, Tas, Mistress Lorende is pleased with your hard work.
MISTRESS WHOM NOW

The papers floated off his desk and arranged themselves in front of the claydol. The stack was returned, the door opened, and unit sixteen gently floated back to the repository.
I wonder what the claydol all do in the repository all day, or for however much time they spend there. I want to believe one of them starts shining colorful lights out of every eye and spins like a disco ball while the rest party.

Kaska’s car was parked in between two other warehouses, and Fale parked their car next to his.

Kaska, holding a pistol in his left hand walked towards them. He was yanked back towards his car door, and he opened it to let his jagged yellow tail out of his car.
I'd been playing a game of Guess the Species with these two since their first mention, and somehow pikachu never occurred to me. Nor anything else that could be described as having a jagged yellow tail.



(On a side note, je suis une femme. ;) )

Bay

Darkinium Z

Female
Dani California
Seen 17 Hours Ago
Posted 21 Hours Ago
5,609 posts
13.1 Years
Now that I got done with judging SWC, will be playing catch up!

Chapters One and Two
This is the second time a character is named after me, haha. Also noticed Sike Saner and Nolafus getting shout outs too. :P

At first I was confused as to why Alex and Sike not recognize the tv as they’re reporters, but then I realize they’re probably using radio. And Arkus there sure made an appearance, especially with him making Alex and Sikes have temporary amnesia. Geez, haha.

Alicia seems to like to mumble/think aloud a lot, which can be a problem if you work in the library. :P

The grovyle stopped and turned his head towards her. Then he kept walking without giving a reply.

“Huh. Does he not know how to speak? He can read, but he could still be mute. Or he could be rude. Probably the latter.”

Alicia dusted off the tables, starting with the grovyle’s table. After she cleaned all the tables, she took the rag and shook it outside. A brilliant blue strand, glittering in the sunlight, caught her attention as it drifted towards the ground. She plucked it out of the air and held it to her eyes.
Hm....something’s not right here (though that’s obvious, haha).

Chapters Three and Four
More brawling in your works, huh? :p Very curious as to why Arkus wants Eck and what his role in the story will be.

Once Siru was done, Eck took a closer look at his new master’s face. It seemed as though he was wearing a blue, transparent mask shaped like a grovyle, with a more canine face underneath. Eck strained his eyes and saw that the grovyle face was the fake.
My suspicions deepened upon that part.

Dussell returned to the reports in his office. Although he tried concentrating on the other cases, he couldn’t stop analyzing the Jennings murder and the incalculable precision that went into the shot. He was debating sending a second unit for more calculations when his wife walked into his office. Though she ducked underneath the doorframe, the fires flickering out of the back of her neck singed the wood.

“Come on, Dussell, let’s have lunch. You’re not saying no this time.”
For some reason I now like the idea of a zoroark and typhlosion together haha.


Dussell returned to the reports in his office. Although he tried concentrating on the other cases, he couldn’t stop analyzing the Jennings murder and the incalculable precision that went into the shot. He was debating sending a second unit for more calculations when his wife walked into his office. Though she ducked underneath the doorframe, the fires flickering out of the back of her neck singed the wood.

“Come on, Dussell, let’s have lunch. You’re not saying no this time.”
O.o Oh dear.

“Desserts, compliments of the house!” a voice called from the other side. The door opened, and a nuzleaf set a tray of coffee cake onto the table. Heste stood up, grabbed the nuzleaf by the neck, and pinned him against the wall of their booth.

“You overheard us, didn’t you! Answer me!”

“I – I din’t, I swear!”

The fires from Heste’s back roared high enough to singe the ceiling. “Liar! You were waiting outside that door, waiting for the conversation to end before bringing in the dessert, weren’t you?”

“Heste, enough. He wasn’t listening.” Dussell could feel a heat wave pouring out of Heste’s fur, and the nuzleaf was starting to wilt in the heat. “Just calm down and let him go.”
And shortly right after, a pretty intense scene there.

Chapter Five and Six

“She’s a woman, just like any other, and she clearly doesn’t know how to have fun. It’s my duty as a gentleman to teach her.”

Blake roared with laughter and said, “You? A gentleman? Whatever, dude, go over there. I’ll be sure to have them carve something properly ironic in your headstone.”
Man, I hate guys like those. :/ Thank goodness Alicia didn’t go with him at the end

“Good to see you again, boys. How was the weather today?”

“Blue skies, Millie,” Eck answered, and Tas added, “Gorgeous, with clouds as white as fresh-fallen snow. But not nearly as gorgeous as you are.”
Cant’ help but think the “blue skies” is a reference to your SWC entry, heh. While the brothel having an underground isn’t new, it’s still neat in this story’s context.

“Then that is what I want you to focus upon. There are few ways of acquiring money without anyone hearing about it, none of which bode well for us. First, learn what you can, and once we’re better informed, we shall decide how to deal with your new master. As for you, Tas, Mistress Lorende is pleased with your hard work. We have much to prepare before the return of Keith the Savior, and that time is fast approaching.”
So both Eck and Tas work for Lorende? Some interesting revelations there.

Chapter Seven and Eight
I like that Chapter Seven has some police action going on near the end!

“Psyduck off, you elitist prick.” The vigoroth spat at Dussell’s feet and said, “You zoroark get it easy, being the children of god and all. What bullmuk. Do you actually have to work for your bread? Have you ever even felt hungry? We do what we have to just to stay alive.”
Oh ouch.

The man paused, and he answered, “Alex. Alex Bayson.”

“Thank you Alex.”

Once Dussell left for his car, the roserade’s appearance shifted into that of a grovyle. The grovyle smiled and said, “That went better than I hoped.”
Wait, what? D:

“The war itself is missing from history, from the fighting itself, to the start of it, to the degradation of human-pokemon relations that caused the war in the first place. Furthermore, for humans and pokemon to have been capable of such a great war, they needed to have some form of political and military system, both of which would require tens, if not hundreds of years to develop. Do you see why I’m not content with the history books as they are?”

“I see what you mean. The reason we have no records from before that time is because the war destroyed everything. There isn’t a trace left from before the Era of the Father.”
Not surprising the records would be destroyed. At least we know now why Arkus’s been in the library.

I think it's interesting you have the chapters format similar to A Song of Ice and Fire series this time around. Looking forward to more!

Foul Play
[Chapter Nine up!]

Sike_Saner

*aromatisse noise*

Age 35
Female
Earth
Seen 1 Week Ago
Posted 4 Weeks Ago
164 posts
12.6 Years
Alicia went to the staff bathroom and tempered her energy into a comb, attacking her hair and drenching it until it stayed flat.
You know, if I hadn't already coveted zoroark powers before now, this would've done it.

She could only make out the first two letters, Ta-
-co Bell

Arkus leaned forward and rested his chin on his hands. “In Ballinger’s Modern Cookbook, page seventy-nine, it mentions an ingredient called molasses.”
...Does it also mention potatoes?

Bay

Darkinium Z

Female
Dani California
Seen 17 Hours Ago
Posted 21 Hours Ago
5,609 posts
13.1 Years
“We need somewhere quiet and empty for you to practice. I just acquired the perfect location last night, which is why you’ve had a few days to yourself. Apparently, this place went on sale after police shot it up, and I bought it up at a low price. Ah, here we are.”

17B was painted on the front in large white print, and the front of the building was riddled with bullet holes. Arkus walked inside and Eck followed him. The warehouse had the faint smell of blood, and the ceiling had a man-sized hole in it.
If I were Eck, I would react badly to training in a warehouse where a shoot out recently took place, haha.

Interesting Arkus and Eck did some aura training. The mention of aura and the crystals also reminds me a lot of the eight Pokemon movie, which I probably should have made the connections sooner.

“I can understand the curiosity. A random stranger with lots of money buys you out of the blue and starts teaching you how to use a strange power. I’m an assassin, at least for the moment.” Arkus handed him another wad of hundreds and told him, “Get yourself a drink, get home, and don’t tell anyone. I trust you have some idea of what would happen if you did.”

Arkus pulled a sniper rifle that Eck could have sworn wasn’t there a second ago and leapt through the hole in the ceiling. Eck ran out of the warehouse, but by the time he opened the door, Arkus had vanished into the evening sky.
Well (though I already had an idea Arkus might be behind the assassinations).

“You know you can leave anytime. They can make a new identity for you, and you can still carry out your work for the savior.”

“Not this time,” he whispered. Then he leaned back and said, “Make sure that no one reads that letter before Tas gets his hands on it. I wouldn’t hear the end of it if the rumor mill got a hold of whatever’s in that letter.
Hm, very curious about this.

Richard strained his hearing, but he heard nothing as the two invisible assassins left their seats, walked over to the bar, and sat down on either side of him. He flinched when the kecleon twins revealed themselves. Bonz, the one on his left, was a dark charcoal color with yellow-tipped spines, while Larr was a lighter shade of silver with faint blue streaks across his face.
Kecleon assassins, huh? Makes perfect sense now I think about it (their camouflage ability). Anyways, looks like the police are getting pretty serious now if they're resorting to other assassins to do the dirty work.
Looking forward to more!

Foul Play
[Chapter Nine up!]

Sike_Saner

*aromatisse noise*

Age 35
Female
Earth
Seen 1 Week Ago
Posted 4 Weeks Ago
164 posts
12.6 Years
“You tell me. Does everything fit well?”

“The hat’s a little loose,” Eck answered, “but everything else fits perfectly.”

“Hand it to me.” Eck saw the pokemon’s hands glow blue as he touched the hat, and he saw the hat warp in his grip. When Arkus handed the hat back, it fit snugly on his head.
Okay there's another pokémon with covetable powers, then.

After finishing the last crumbs of his biscuit, he walked down a few blocks to the Trimrose Tavern, a bar decorated with vibrant red-colored floral patterns, slender chandeliers, and stout wooden tables that, beneath the smell of liquor and sweat, still held the fragrance of cedar.
Cedar is one of the best frickin smells, let me tell you. Booze and sweat, not so much. But cedar? Hell yeah.

“E-excuse me sir? We only offer the finest quality work here!”

“There’s a flaw in the metal, running just underneath the top emerald. It wouldn’t take longer than a year for it to crack in half. The middle emerald also has a slight chip missing from the base, and the bottom one has an internal fracture.”
He's right, I'd imagine. Lord knows he's had enough time around crystals to get to know them...

and her concentration slipped like soap
Very nice choice of words.

Bay

Darkinium Z

Female
Dani California
Seen 17 Hours Ago
Posted 21 Hours Ago
5,609 posts
13.1 Years
“I don’t see anything enjoyable about hangovers. Anyways, why were you late today?”
Me neither, lol.

The part where Arkus proposes to Alicia and his comment about marriages being a beneficial agreement, I’ll admit that is to be expected as Alicia’s mother wanting her to get married has been mentioned several times. Arkus kept mentioning the flaws on each of the gems is amusing, and it's nice the grandfather is fine with that instead of being insulted. Looking forward to more!

Foul Play
[Chapter Nine up!]

Bay

Darkinium Z

Female
Dani California
Seen 17 Hours Ago
Posted 21 Hours Ago
5,609 posts
13.1 Years
CH 12

Lorende squeezed the pen in her fingers and said, “If you insist. It took me many years to acquire enough control over this body to change its appearance. Deep down, I’m still goo.”

“Is that why you never touch anyone?” Eck asked. When Lorende looked at him, he shrunk into his chair and looked down at his feet.
Smooth, Eck. Very smooth.

So Arkus's true identity is revealed, though I figured that out for a while already lol. Nice to see Lorende's appearance there. Quite a feat able to have a financial network for over five hundred years and owning a few corporations. We'll see if Arkus's own contacts will be enough for him to get back at the "Family."

CH 13
“Then I won’t touch them.” Dussell turned and waved his hand. The painting behind him slid to the left, revealing a bullet hole in the wall. A bullet, cracked into pieces, still sat in the hole.

When Dussell turned towards the CEO, he flinched. The ursaring had a pistol pointed at his own head.
Well, that’s a crazy turn of events there.

The last paragraph with Dussell I actually feel bad for him being that stressful, and Heste giving him an extra blanket is bittersweet.

Good to see you're working on this again, looking forward to more!

Foul Play
[Chapter Nine up!]

Bay

Darkinium Z

Female
Dani California
Seen 17 Hours Ago
Posted 21 Hours Ago
5,609 posts
13.1 Years
Ch 14

“I do?” She glanced at a storefront window and saw her reflection. She hardly recognized herself. Then a thought came to her head: I’m more beautiful than my mother.

The thought made her smile and gave her strength. The dress weighed nothing, and her hair danced in the breeze. But even as she told herself how magnificent she was, her doubts kept nagging at the back of her mind. Though her beauty was light as a feather, her smile felt heavier than iron chains.
I quite like that part a lot.

The last scene with the two mentioning how they're both lonely and Alicia kissing Arkus on the cheek I thought was nice also.

Ch 15 and 16

“There’s a saying. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”

“They’re sleeping in the same bed! How can you be sure nothing bad will happen?”

“Because he was human once. Just like you. The Father killed the one he loved, and he won’t stop until he has his revenge. That’s all you need to know.”
Interesting development there.

The figure stood over him. The two green lights, spaced apart like eyes, turned off with a click. The figure’s mask slid upward, revealing a human face. His eyes were milky white, and he didn’t have any hair, eyebrows, or even eyelashes. His lips were thin and pallid, and his nose clung to his face.
An unsettling image for that human there. The stuff concerning Sinex Order and wanting to bring back "humanity" is interesting and does make things more complicated than it already is. Looking forward to more!

Foul Play
[Chapter Nine up!]

Bay

Darkinium Z

Female
Dani California
Seen 17 Hours Ago
Posted 21 Hours Ago
5,609 posts
13.1 Years
“You better,” the ludicolo told him. “You didn’t warn me he was that good.”

Arkus pulled out a checkbook and wrote him a check. The ludicolo stared at it with raised eyebrows.

“Holy ****, you weren’t kidding. Much obliged.”
This part I laughed out loud due to the ludicolo’s reaction there.

“How did you meet?”

“She tried to kill me. Many times.”
Telling it straight, haha.

Yeah, I can totally see why you enjoy writing this chapter heh. Anyways, that was a pretty intense fight scene. Luckily Muld didn’t die or else things will get messy there. Poor Arkus when he talked to Eck about Verra. =< Looking forward to more!

Foul Play
[Chapter Nine up!]

Bay

Darkinium Z

Female
Dani California
Seen 17 Hours Ago
Posted 21 Hours Ago
5,609 posts
13.1 Years
Chapter 18

“You want in so badly? Fine. Get past me, and I’ll leave you alone.”

Dussell flung a glob of darkness at Heste, but she ducked underneath it, rushed forward, and punched him in the gut. Dussell felt the wind rush out of him, and he collapsed onto the floor. He tried to stand up, but his legs shook and he fell into Heste’s arms.
Quite a confrontation between the two there.

“Eat up before you fall asleep again,” Heste said. She tore the bread and handed him a half. He shimmied up the couch and dunked the bread. He finished the bread before eating the soup. He noticed cheri berries floating around in the broth, along with diced potatoes, and carrots.
Noticed some quotations there.

The mention of Dussell and Heste trying for a child was a cute moment there. Will be interesting to see if that finally happens.

(You posted Chapter 19 just as I posted this, haha. I'll have to comment on your latest chapter later! ).

Edit: Okay, finished reading Ch 19 now!

Ch 19

“He wasn’t too weak. He was far stronger than you give him credit for. In fact, I would say he was stronger than you.”

“Absurd! How dare you make a mockery of me, and here of all places? Apologize for your insolence right now!”

Alicia felt a smile spread across her face. She stood taller and stared her mother in the eyes. She saw her mother’s eyes dilate in panic and knew she had won.
Love that Alicia stood up against her mother like that, great moment for her.

The microphone was brought down to his mouth. His breath heaved for a moment, and then he spoke.

“Keith is back.”
Oh snap.

Moments later, it was done. They held each other for a moment, taking in their collective warmth before splitting apart. Though they had never been closer, the distance between them couldn’t be measured in miles.
Really like this line there too.

I think this is my favorite chapter of yours on this story so far! As already mentioned, Alicia’s scene with her mother is great and interesting turn you have for her and Arkus there. Looking forward to more!

Foul Play
[Chapter Nine up!]

Bay

Darkinium Z

Female
Dani California
Seen 17 Hours Ago
Posted 21 Hours Ago
5,609 posts
13.1 Years
Playing catch up! I only have Chapters 20 through 23 though, so 24 and 25 I might either add in this post later or in another post, so yeah.

Chapter 20 and 21

“Yes,” he said, throwing his cloak aside and drawing his sniper. “You can send my regards to Ath.”

Even from that distance, Eck could see the zoroark’s eyes widen. She raised her hands and conjured a nebulous shield. A gunshot echoed across the street, and the barrier was smashed to pieces. The zoroark clutched her shoulder and crumpled onto the ground. As she crawled towards the street lamp, she smeared a trail of blood on the pavement.
Off to a suspensful start already.

“He has a tremendous power stored in him, too much for a human to handle. If we drain his power, we can reverse the process that made him a pokemon. And with that drained power, we can give all of humanity a small piece of his gift. The pokemon would be no match for us.”

“You really mean to eliminate all the pokemon?”

“Yes.”
A very ambitious goal I feel might get backfired somehow.

The only one that can do it: those words rang through head like the peal of a funeral bell, and he felt his soul vibrate with it. He could feel the power of those words in the ache between his eyes. “Alright, I’ll do it, but it would be easier if you went with me.”
I think "those words rang through his head..." sounds better. I quite like the "like the peal of a funeral bell" line there, though.

“Good. I’ll have a team assemble the Delta Project in the morning. Make sure all the humans are plugged in when we use it. No loose ends, understood?”
Eck's speech underground, looks like a big revolution is about to happen.

Delta Project I'm suddenly thinking OR/AS's Delta Episode, but yeah could mean totally something different haha.

Chapter 22
While understandable this particular case is crazy, yeah Dussell and his men need some rest (even if Dussell is connected with Father =x).

“These were found on the warehouse floor, sir. Other than that, it was empty.”

Dussell snapped the seal open and read the note.

That zoroark was a warning. If Ath is not dead in two days, I will start killing. Keith.
And the real fun starts.

Chapter 23

Alicia finding out Arkus's true identity sure was very overwhelming for her. Kinda surprised too she would help him despite what he did to her. Shall be interesting how things will go now that she'll be stil sticking around.

Foul Play
[Chapter Nine up!]

Bay

Darkinium Z

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Dani California
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13.1 Years
Okay, got through Chapter 24 and 25 along with 26!

Chapter 24 and 25

It’s been two days since Eck told her the plans. She fretted over Arkus’ plans as she sorted through the papers on her desk. It seemed too complex to her, with too many ways to fall apart, like a gnarled ball of yarn that collapses into a heap under a kitten’s paws. What grated at her the most, though, was the fact he slept with a zoroark.
I like the "gnarled ball of yarn" there.

Lorende glanced around the room. She feared a trap for a moment, but she couldn’t see anything hidden in the wires. She took a cautious step forward, then another. On the third step, she faintly heard a snick above her. She leapt back, just as a clear, heavy tube fell from the ceiling, slicing off Lorende’s hand. Pink slime dripped from her mutilated limb as the severed piece melted into a pink blob.
Oh dear.

Very interesting Lorende chapter there. Looks like she’s in a very tough situation now.

Eck walked down the halls, his arms stretched towards the throngs of people around him. “My fellow comrades,” he shouted, “Today is a glorious day! Today is the day we take back this planet from the ones that stole it from us! And leave no one out of our triumph. Collect the young, the old, the sick, and the wounded, so they might receive the Savior’s grace!”

Their cheering roared behind Eck as he stepped outside and began his war against the pokemon.
Looks like this will get very wild from here on out.

Chapter 26

That was a quick but suspenseful confrontation Dussell had with “Arkus”. And took him long enough to connect the dots together. I’ll admit the chapter’s ending made me really curious if indeed he got to the wedding on time. So yeah, pretty excited what happens next!

Foul Play
[Chapter Nine up!]

Bay

Darkinium Z

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Dani California
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13.1 Years
Well, quite an action packed chapter there. Not only Dussell does make it to the wedding, Eck made a surprise entrance too. Red Wedding Pokemon version.

I kinda feel Alicia's reaction to being pregnant should be expanded more, though this chapter is already crazy as it is haha. Perhaps her feelings on that will be on another chapter soon? Either way though, looking forward to more!

Foul Play
[Chapter Nine up!]

Bay

Darkinium Z

Female
Dani California
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13.1 Years
Alicia's feelings concerning the pregancy is better expanded this chapter! Since she'll be keeping the child, looks like Soren will indeed do something later on.

I do feel bad for Heste for losing Dussell just as she found out she was pregnant too. Even more crzy with her appearance and personality suddenly changed.

I admit it took me a bit to realize Dussell and Alicia were in the same room until the mention of Heste coming in. It wasn't clear if Alicia noticed Dussell at first, though Alicia wasn't in the best condition herself. That's the only minor problem I noticed.

So we're getting close to the end, huh (or at least for this particular story)? Looking forward to the last few chapters!

Foul Play
[Chapter Nine up!]

Bay

Darkinium Z

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Dani California
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13.1 Years
Kaska ran to the front desk, holding a rifle taller than he was. The barrel was three inches thick and three feet long. Its armor-piercing slugs could punch holes through concrete and blastoise shells, and each clip held enough firepower to topple a building. He swayed back and forth, bumping into desks and tripping over his own feet.
Must be big bertha. Things are really going down now.

“I – I don’t understand. Why are you asking?”

“Did you know she is pregnant? Was that a part of his plan?”

Lorende didn’t understand at first. Then she realized it was his child, Keith’s child, and her mind went numb. Her body dissolved into a gelatinous pink goop that dripped onto the floor.
Probably not your intention, but Lorende's reaction to the news is a bit amusing when imagining it.

I too am curious what was written in the scroll, but I'm sure that'll be answered soon enough. Looking forward to more!

Foul Play
[Chapter Nine up!]

Bay

Darkinium Z

Female
Dani California
Seen 17 Hours Ago
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13.1 Years
That's a crazy standoff between the officers and robots there. And yes, there's going to be a lot of cleaning up to do after this haha. I feel kinda bad Heste's going to be out of commission even though we're getting close to the ending now. Looking forward to more!

Foul Play
[Chapter Nine up!]

Bay

Darkinium Z

Female
Dani California
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13.1 Years
Last catch up for this story!

Ch 31 and 32

Lorende and Sorcen pretending to be grandfather and grandaughter was amusing. The mention of the people in the chairs with spikes sounds very suspicious, though (and even worse with children and injured being involved too). And wow over Sorcen and Lorende's demise at the end of the chapter.

Arkus rejoiced at the perceived opening. “It isn’t too late to reconsider. We’ve already accomplished what we set out to do. Ath is dead, and now we can negotiate with the others. Humanity can be free again.
Forgot an extra quotation at the end there.

Doctor Reizbal's mention of Delta and the Order/Sinex explains some things. Would the six branches be based on each region in the main games? This is the second time Arkus changes form, but still quite a twist there. Also explains why everyone disappeared last chapter.

Ch 33

We need to stop! one zoroark said. More are going to die if we keep this up.
I'm assuming this dialogue is missing quotations or wasn't itaclized?

So Eck and the humans that died eariler got turned into Darkrai, huh? Pretty unexpected, to say the least. That's quite a wild chase between Arkus and Darkrai and can see why you're excited writing this. The part with the cleansing, I remember that back in the end of Through the Scope, heh. Interesting that came near the end of this story, too. Even though Arkus got the finishing blow, seems it's not over yet going by the last few lines there.


Ch 34 and 35
Well, looks like now Arkus goes from going against the zoroark to working with them. I do like the part where Arkus wants monetary support to family members of the deceased. As for the scene with Beta Agent 14, I do wonder what they'll do with Lorende's last piece of flesh there (well, it should be pretty obvious after she was being chased in a previous chapter) .

Hey, don't feel bad about having a series of fanfics as I know many authors that plan sagas and such too, haha. Guess I'll have to wait for more Dusk Brawler a while longer then. =P Yay on completing another fic, and looking forward to Through the Darkness!

Foul Play
[Chapter Nine up!]

Sike_Saner

*aromatisse noise*

Age 35
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Earth
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12.6 Years
K, time to play catch-up.

When Dussell turned towards the CEO, he flinched. The ursaring had a pistol pointed at his own head.

“Don’t come any closer, or I will shoot.”
Don't do this, Nazrick. This will hurt someone.

Dussell couldn’t fall asleep. His mind wandered through the Jennings report, calculating motives, predicting the next target, formulating arguments for his arrest warrant. His dreams were tense phone calls and frenzied undercover operations. Heste, hearing his muttering and feeling his all-too-familiar restless movement, went and got him another blanket.
D'aww...

“Well, I, it’s, um, so sudden. It felt great at first, like a dream, but now it’s so… real. Why me? You could’ve had anyone, but you picked me. Why? I’m not that pretty, my mother hates me, and I’m terrible around others. Why me?”

“I don’t know. And you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.” A moment later, he said, “I guess it’s because you seemed as lonely as I was.”
This is about where I'd be looking for the door if I were Alicia, because my mind parses his response, correctly or not, as "you seemed desperate". But I'm not Alicia. I haven't even got long hair anymore.

As her mother turned to leave, her dress got caught under her heel and she tripped, tearing a large strip off her dress. With mumbled curses, her mother collected her dress and stormed off.
Oops, I laughed.

The Father entered in a wheelchair. The left half of his face was worn away to the bone, and a gaping hole in his chest revealed his scarred heart. The scars oozed tiny droplets of blood with each beat of his heart. Plastic tubes stuck out from his right arm and chest, dripping a rainbow of liquids into his bloodstream. A system of pulleys suspended around his chair tugged the bones of his left arm into motion, pulled by tiny plastic strings.
Holy ****. Now there's an image...

Alicia held up her engagement band. “I’m ready.” Then she felt a spasm of pain from her belly and doubled over onto the bed.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m just nauseous, that’s all,” Alicia said through gritted teeth. “It must be nerves.”
I find myself disinclined to agree with her.

(Later edit: YEP. Called it. :D)

“It is done. You shall remain husband and wife until your deaths.” The Father smiled and said, “I’m honestly surprised, Keith, that you went through the whole ceremony.”
OOPS, BUSTED

Eck appeared behind the Father and placed his gauntleted hand over the Father’s brow. He squeezed, and the Father’s head burst into a fountain of blood, spraying the chapel with bits of bone and brain. The Father’s body slumped forward and hit the floor.
Well now. That was delightfully violent.

“I’m so sorry.” Alicia saw a tiny dark spark surge up his arm and into Heste. His body shook, and he began coughing up blood. The doctors rushed to his side and turned him over. He spat up a gallon of blood before his body shuddered and went still.

A silence fell over the room. Alicia held her breath, and she sensed the others doing the same. Heste stepped back from the bed and touched her belly. A tear rolled down her cheek.

“Sorcen,” Heste said, “What did he do?”

Sorcen stroked the scars on his cheek. “You’re pregnant.”
I'm glad humans can't do that.

The officers facing the door stopped in their tracks and saluted the zoroark. A pair carrying a mortar dropped their load, crushing a vigoroth’s foot. He hopped on one foot and gritted his teeth while saluting.
Oops, I laughed again. Even though that had to smart.

The silence was complete. Pools of metal bubbled in jagged craters in the street, and smoke bellowed out from the rubble of the building. The police advanced cautiously and picked through the smoking rubble.

“Muk,” Fale said. “This is going to take forever to clean up.”
Understatement of the century!

Arkus panicked when he realized what would happen. “You have to stop before it’s too late. Everyone will die if you try it.”

“We have already done some preliminary tests, and the results were quite promising. We’ve also put plenty of safety features in place. Trust me; we know how dangerous your power is to others.”
delights in the dramatic irony

“Destroy me. I was never meant to be made. I am a contradiction! I am the color of life and the pallor of death, I am the comfort of warmth and the pain of cold, I am the rays of light and the depths of never ending darkness. I am… I am… I am Darkrai!”
In hindsight, yes. That's exactly what the creature's introductory paragraph was describing, down to the last detail. But in the moment, I was surprised somehow. I managed not to see it coming.

Arkus raised his rifle and infused the bullet with dark energy. He fired, darkness flying out the muzzle as the bullet punched through the barrier and passed through Darkrai’s eye. It screeched, and the police officers knelt to cover their ears.
Ow. Though I can't help but get the feeling that regenerating it hurt even more. Or hurt in its own way, at least.

A slight creak came from the door, and Arkus glared at it. “I swear to god, open that door any further, and I’ll make sure you two never leave this hospital.

The door slammed shut.
snickers


That's one hell of an ending. I can tell you right now: back when I first began reading the preceding story, I would never have expected Keith to end up where and what he is now. Really, really makes me wonder what lies ahead for him.

Anyway yeah, this was a hell of a ride. Very glad I finally got to read the rest of it. :D
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