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  #26   Link to this post, but load the entire thread.  
Old October 30th, 2017 (4:43 PM).
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Bay Bay is offline
Darkinium Z
Join Date: May 2006
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There were a few places where you have two people speaking in same paragraph instead of seperate paragraphs.

DONT YOU DARE TOUCH IT! Vragon lashed out very loud. Vex replied as he stepped back, Woah there kid, just curious. So what is that anyway, never seen a necklace like that before.
Here Vragon and Vex's dialogue should be in seperate paragraphs.

Hey umcan you see if theres anything in my memories? Vex thought for a second then asked, Wait...are you saying you dont remember anything?
Also here, Vragon and Vex's dialogue should be in seperate paragraphs.

I like Jasmine's "just fight me punk" line there, heh. She and Vragon worked well together.

The reveal of Siegfried having a Phynecion crest I feel like there should be like one extra paragraph showing Vragon's thoughts and emotions upon hearing Siegfried's reply.

"Meowth are all right. They don't care who you are or anything."
Foul Play [Chapter Six up!]
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Old January 9th, 2018 (12:11 AM). Edited February 11th, 2018 by Vragon.
    Posts: n/a
    Mild Language
    Chapter 14
    An odd gift

    “Huff…Puff, I hear some fighting ahead!” Jaron shouted to his brother, a few feet away.

    “Good so Jasmine did make it to ‘em,” Ciecro replied, “Come on, Dolly, we’re almost there.”

    “Don’t wait up for me,” Dolly shouted a couple of yards behind, “I’ll just slow you down. Get to him first and foremost.”

    The two didn’t hesitate to leave the kangaskhan behind; Dolly was out of sight in a manner of minutes. The sound of a battle was ahead.

    “They should be up there,” Jaron shouted with slight relief. He ran ahead, but was tackled by Ciecro. The noise of an explosion came from behind them. Ciecro got up off the confused Jaron and began scouring the area. He told Jaron that he was almost hit by a random shadow ball and that someone was around. Jaron didn’t hesitate to get back up and cover his brother’s back. The two listened and watched. Ciecro surged a dragon claw from his right claw and sliced another rogue shadow ball.

    “Brother,” Jaron whispered, “the mon must be a flyer. The ball came from the opposite direction and I didn’t hear any rustling.”

    “You’re right” Ciecro whispered back, “Wait for another attack and go for it. I’ll deal with the move.” The two waited again for another one to be thrown and sure enough a shadow ball headed towards them again.

    “Deep left!” Ciecro shouted slicing at the ghost type move. Jaron ducked under the charmeleon’s arm and fired a scald. A silhouette moved evaded the attack, but it was too late.

    “Gotcha,” Ciecro said with a grin as he twirled from the moment of his slice. He professionally pulled out a luminous orb and threw it. It’s lit the area up with a blinding light, causing the creature to squirm from the sudden light. The two brothers managed to shield their eyes before being blinded as well.

    “Ow, that- ugh,” a gengar ranted, rubbing his hurting eyes. He blinked them just in time to see a dragon claw headed towards his throat. He phased into the ground, barely avoiding the lethal attack.

    “Dammit,” Ciecro growled as the shadow rushed away from him.

    “I’ll get it,” Jaron uttered before firing another scald at the gengar. It swiftly evaded and charged at Jaron. Vex slightly moved out of the ground and fired another shadow ball. Jaron dodged and fired his scald back, but once again the gengar phased into the ground and evaded with impressive speed.

    “He’s faster in the ground,” Jaron shouted, as the shadowy circle rushed past him. Vex leaped out of the ground and fired more shadow balls, each one met with either Ciecro’s flamethrower or Jaron’s scald. Vex was about to hit the ground and phase, but spied out of the corner of his eye an incoming fist. He floated away from a powerful dizzy punch shredding the ground where the gengar would have been.

    “More?” Vex muttered, a bit shaken from his second narrow escape.

    “Jaron, Ciecro,” Dolly exclaimed, “go help them up ahead, I can handle this goof.” The duo nodded and resumed their mission.

    “Heh, clever using the scare factor of that move even though it wouldn’t have hurt me,” Vex laughed. Dolly just gave an arrogant grin. She outstretched her arms and formed a focus blast.

    She’s bluffing, but what if she has the scrappy ability*?

    She hurled the fighting type move at the ghost. Out of doubt, Vex flung his own ball move and the two collided.

    Dolly smiled and began to taunt, “Heh, lost your nerve. Wouldn’t blame yah, after all I can be a bit scrappy.”

    “Shut it,” Vex replied, annoyed.

    “What afraid of a normal type? I thought you ghosts were immune to our normality with your edgy style and mean looks.”

    “I swear I’ll-”

    “What’s the matter? Am I messing with your focus? Don’t worry hun, my battles always are a blast.”

    Vex screamed in frustration. “I don’t have time to mess around with you or your poor excuse of humor,” Vex exclaimed, phasing back into the ground.

    “Nope,” Dolly said, her irises glowing cyan.

    To his surprise, Vex phased out of the ground. He was left perplexed until Dolly exclaimed with a laugh, “Not so sneaky once you’ve been sighted or foresighted that is.”

    Both this news and the pun just angered the gengar. He fired a shadow ball straight at the kangaskhan. Dolly let it phase through her body and strike a tree.

    Dammit, I’m hugely disadvantaged now. Vex thought as he scowled at the smirking kangaskhan. Two of my moves are useless to me and now I can’t phase into the ground to lose her … wait … heh very well then.

    Vex’s scowl vanished as he looked up into the night sky. He closed his red eyes and said something in a soft maniacal tone. “Now dearie, I suggest you leave while you still have your arms.”

    Unintimidated by this threat, Dolly replied with, “If you think you puny ghost arms can even lift them.”
    Vex gave a giggle and faced her again. As he opened his eyes slowly he slowly spoke, “Who said my arms?” His eyes opened wide; they were glowing an evil red light.

    Dolly braced herself for an attack, but slowly she began to sway. Her eyes began dropping a little. She tried to look away from the hypnosis, but she couldn’t escape it. She fell onto her left knee, but managed to catch her fall with her right arm. By now she was half awake as Vex walked up towards her, his eyes still beaming.

    “Mon’s like you are why the phrase, ‘muscle for brains’ exists. If only I had the time to waste on you, but unfortunately I need to beat those two there. Have a nice rest while I and my associate get what we want. Oh and don’t worry, we’ll try not to make it too gory of a scene,” He gave an evil grin as the kangaskhan collapsed into a deep sleep. Vex’s eyes reverted to their normal red selves. Vex felt a pleasurable jolt in his body as he returned to ghost type normality. He phased into the ground and shot to aid Siegfried.

    Just as he left, Dolly began to turn a little. Her eyes opened up and she slowly got back to her feet. She rolled her head and with a smile muttered, “Good thing I’m an early bird kangaskhan, heh.”

    < O >

    Siegfried narrowly dodged a Psycho Cut from Jasmine only to raise his own to block Vragon’s Dragon Claw. He diverted one of his arms to block Jasmine’s incoming Megahorn. Siegfried slid his arms in front and pushed off using the combined force of all three moves. He landed a few feet away with Vragon and Jasmine readying to strike.

    “I admit,” Siegfried commented while panting, “you both are quite impressive. An ordinary such as yourself really puts a lot of force behind those cuts.”

    “I don’t need flattery goon. And shouldn’t you be appalled that you are losing to an ‘ordinary’ such as myself?” Jasmine retorted.

    Siegfried smirked and answered, “It makes sense since I have two opponents. I mean you two have good battle chemistry considering your inexperience.”

    “Hey!” Vragon shouted, “I’ll have you know we have plenty of experience.”

    “Well I do at least,” Jasmine added with a small smile. Vragon gave her a truculent look. “Seriously, Jasmine‽ Fighting focus or comedian, Pick one!”

    “Sorry Vray I enjoy riling you up too,” Jasmine said as she walked in front, readying a Psycho Cut, “But you’re right. It’s time to end this.”

    “Indeeeeed” a voice came from her right. She turned to see a Shadow Ball headed her way. She swing her move to collide with the blob, causing a minor explosion. Vex’s shadow circled around the resulting smoke and leaped out of the ground. His Shadow Claw headed straight for Vragon. The startled fraxure raised his claws in response, but to his surprise he didn’t need to.

    “You need to work on your reflex skills,” Jaron said with a smile, holding back the gengar’s attack. The croconaw focused on the ghost and pushed the mon back. The reptile fired a following Scald attack at the floating gengar. It hit its mark, knocking Vex into the ground a few feet away.

    “How’s it going, Vee?” Jaron asked with a frisky smile.

    “Don’t call me ‘vee’, Jaron” Vragon berated, “Can you lay your antics aside till after we’re in the clear?”

    “You’re welcome,” Jaron answered, with a lighthearted smile. “Though yeah you’re right Vray. Jasmine, stay with Vragon, let me and Ciecro handle this,” Jaron ordered.

    At that moment a beam of fire flew past the group at the just now getting up gengar. Vex barely was able to push himself away from the fire and fly out of the blast range. He descended towards Siegfried and landed beside him. Ciecro walked in front of the group, rolled his neck and snarled.

    “These punks better be worth the trip.” Ciecro said with a sigh as he began walking towards them, cracking his claws.

    “Wait? He’s the one from before?” Jaron announced. A worried expression crossed his face.

    “What?” Vex replied with a grin, “She wanted to take me on and well that didn’t go so well.” Jaron’s face scowled.

    “Why you-” Jaron started as he was about to rush towards them. To Jaron’s surprise, Ciecro blocked Jaron’s path with is arm. Jaron looked up at Ciecro’s very angry face.

    “You’re just asking to be damaged,” the charmeleon rushed towards them. Siegfried rushed to join him and the two’s punches collided. Ciecro twirled around to strike with his tail. Siegfried leaped over it, only to be hit by a scald from Jaron.

    “I’m surprised, that was a good plan,” Vragon praised Jaron.

    “I just have to know when to play the support when he gets carried away.” Vragon gave a weak smile. Jaron gave a sympathetic one in return, “You’re not the only one that thinks before he moves.”

    Jaron looked at the scene of Ciecro versus Siegfried. His eye then trailed the gengar, sneaking through the ground to flank them.

    “Jasmine,” Jaron requested. She nodded and quickly threw a Psycho Cut at Vex. Vex evaded.

    “Can’t you mons just try and be stupid for me,” Vex muttered, really annoyed with the resistance.

    “Can’t you just fight directly and not make me have to keep an eye on you,” Jaron countered with a smirk. Unamused, Vex turned his attention to Vragon again.

    “So much trouble over you. I’m beginning to think it isn’t worth it.”

    “I hope it isn’t,” Vragon agreed.

    “Yeah Vragon’s not the funnest mon around,” Jaron stated, earning a scowl from the fraxure.

    “Though it’s fun to fluster him,” Jasmine added. Vragon closed his angry eyes, took a deep breath and firmly said, “You both are the definition of delinquents.”

    Jaron and Jasmine got in front of Vragon and readied for combat.

    “But you like us anyway,” Jaron stated. Vragon sighed then answered with a slight smile, “Yes, yes I do.”

    “Mind cutting the wimpy scene short,” Vex mocked as he readied two Shadow Balls. Right when he was about to fire he felt a chill in his spine. “What but I-” he said upon being identified.

    “That’s what you get for being lazy,” Dolly said coming out of some bushes.
    Vex gave a frown and sighed. “Oh come on.”

    “Your fault for snoozing on the job.” Vex flinched angrily at the return of poor puns. He looked at the trio, back at the normal type Pokémon and finally to his hands.

    “We can’t win this,” Vex snarled, “Siegfried, we’re out of here.”
    Siegfried broke from his fight to join his all.

    “I don’t think so,” Ciecro shouted as he lunged towards Siegfried, catching his right leg. The gallade fell on his face and turned just in time to parry a Thunderpunch. Vex fired a shadow ball to assist. Ciecro jumped away in time to evade and countered with a Flamethrower. Vex rolled out of the way and charged another Ball. To his dismay Jaron struck it with an Ice Beam. The ice covered the dark blob and froze over Vex’s hands.

    “Now Jasmine!” Jaron exclaimed as the absol leaped up and fired a Psycho Cut right into Vex. The ghost hit the ground from the super effective move. Vex didn’t stay down for long though.

    “You’re leaking,” Dolly said with a grin as she pointed to a slit in the gengar leaking an odd blue substance. Vex gasped and clasped the wound.

    “Give up and I’ll patch you up,” Dolly offered, “and then you’re going to tell us why you are after little Vray.”

    “Is everyone going to make fun of me,” Vragon groaned with a face-palm.

    “Don’t be dragon me down little Vray.” Dolly smiled and Vragon growled.

    “I’ll pass lady,” Vex answered with a creepy smile, “Better than the alternative.” Siegfried ran rushed towards Vex as Ciecro fired another beam of fire. Vex countered with a Shadow Ball. Siegfried pulled an orb out of his coat’s pocket and threw it at Jaron and Jasmine. Jaron hit it with an Ice Beam, but this only helped make the Luminous orb more effective. By the time the light died the two mons were gone.

    “Dammit,” Ciecro growled as he browsed the area. After failing to see their escape path, he joined the group.

    “Whelp that was something,” Jaron stated, “Did they catch on why they wanted you, Vray?”

    Vragon shook his head. “All I can say is that they wanted something from my memories and maybe wanted to assess something about me. I don’t know for what though.”

    “It’s fine buddy,” Jaron said putting his claw on Vragon’s shoulder, “But till those guys aren’t a danger you’re staying with us. Right Ciecro.”

    Ciecro just gave an annoyed sigh. Vragon then noticed Jasmine’s had some wounds. He walked up to her and got down to see the damage to her leg.

    “It’s not bad Vray,” Jasmine assured.

    “If you walk on it, you might infect it unless we bandage it. Actually…” Vragon put his claw on it, causing Jasmine to wince from the pain. A small yellow light glowed for a second. Vragon removed his claw, revealing the wound sealed up.

    “Thanks..Vray?” Jasmine said out of concern upon seeing the fraxure's eyes begin to droop.

    Vragon began to wobble a little, But Jaron held him up.

    “Easy there, you’re hurt a bit yourself.”

    “Yeah,” Vragon panted, “I kinda need to sit down. Jasmine, I’ll fix it up when we get back.”

    “I’m fine Vray, you’ve helped enough,” Jasmine declined, “Save your energy for your own healing.”

    “You mean synergy,” Vragon corrected.

    “Yeah, yeah I know doctor,” Jasmine teased.

    “Can you now Vray?” Jaron asked. The fraxure got up and wobbled a little, but retained his balance.
    Dolly took the lead while Ciecro took the back.

    < O >

    Vragon sat in Jaron’s room looking at his pendant. His eyes followed the metal patterns on its surface. He flipped it over and repeated the process on the back. Hmm I almost lost you. I’m glad it worked…out.

    Vragon’s head lowered slightly as he set his treasure on the nightstand. It was then Jaron walked in. The croconaw just stared for a little, with a worried expression on his face. He finally gave a cough to announce his entrance.

    “Oh…hi Jaron,” Vragon said without looking, still in pensive.

    “You okay? I don’t blame you for being a little-”

    “It’s not that Jaron,” the fraxure admitted as their eyes locked. “Jaron…the gallade in that fight asked me if I had a gift called ‘Savoir’. I don’t know what that gift is about and it from some reason it’s worrying me. Do you happen to know what that gift does?”

    Jaron thought for a bit, then shook his head. “I don’t know of a gift like that. But it doesn’t matter. Sides your gift isn’t uncommon well whatever it is. I mean Passing Life and Synergizer are some that can heal wounds like you can.”

    “He also talked about…Averions," The mention of this word again sent a little shiver through the fraxure. He hadn't thought much about the Averian clan, but now it was one of the top things in his mind. He began twiddling his claws as he asked, "Jaron, do you or Ciecro know anything about Averions?”

    Jaron walked over and sat next to Vragon. For a moment the croconaw stayed quiet; His crimson eyes showing an attempt to come up with an answer. Finally, Jaron shook his head and answer, “No, not really. Never been to their lands nor met any of them. Forest upbringing, remember." Jaron gave another one of his basic grins to try and lighten the effect of another dead end for the fraxure.

    “Yeah…” Vragon’s head sank a little dashing Jaron's attempts in preventing a drop in mood.

    The two sat their for a few minutes not saying a single word. Finally, the croconaw was getting a little antsy and decided to change the subject. He began looking around the room, searching for a viable conversation starter. He spotted Vragon’s pendant and took it from its resting place. Vragon didn't react at all from this action nor from the water type's gazing at the detailed grooves.

    “Tell me something Vray,” Jaron said suddenly, causing Vragon to look up at him, “You ever thought about becoming a doctor? I mean, you’ve got your gift and your already are pretty smart in that area.”

    “Maybe," Vragon said, taking a moment to entice the idea, "but I just comprehend synergy concepts well and my gift bypasses any really complex stuff. Sides, I’m not great on big wounds.”

    “I dunno, one day you might regenerate Pokémon’s arms back,” Jaron chuckled while Vragon rolled his eyes with little grin.

    "Your just being puerile, Jaron," Vragon stated, giving Jaron a sceptical smile

    “It could happen,” Jaron continued, showing the genuine in his tone, “Heh, maybe with more practice. I don’t know the complete potential of your gift, Vray, and something tells me you haven't even scratched the surface.”

    Vragon quickly darted his gaze to the wall, trying to keep a future blush at bay. He then began to ponder something as he looked at the wall opposite him. Jaron was about to ask him if he was alright, but Vragon beat him to it. Vragon whispered,“You know Jaron…I never really thought about it.”

    The croconaw raised a brow and guessed, “Your future?” Vragon nodded. Jaron gave one of his encouraging smiles, causing Vragon to roll his eyes again. The croconaw then raised the pendant up so that he and Vragon could look at it together.

    “This is a pretty pendant. I remember my dad being a toughie that rarely showed his soft side. But when he did he wouldn’t fail to make me smile,” Jaron reminisced. Jaron then put the pendant into Vragon’s hands, “Vragon, I want to help you find your past and everything, but don’t forget about us here. I hate to see you bummed and worried about this stuff and well…I wanna make you feel better. You get what I mean?”

    Vragon nodded. These words from Vragon filled him with gratitude and slight guilt. He had been focusing on his search for clues, but he never really thought about his future much.

    “Hey Jaron…”


    “You mind coming with me to the nearby town?”

    “What for?”

    “I wanna get some books on medical stuff. I think you’re right about me having to think about my future and all.”

    “Of course I will Vragon,” Jaron replied with an even bigger smile.

    < O >

    “Well this is awful” Vex complained rubbing his newly bandaged cut. The two were residing in a small cave far away from the town. Siegfried stood at the entrance keeping watch.

    “I hope we had someone decent on this assignment. Considering we failed to catch the kid, we’re going to get so chewed out.”

    Siegfried turned around and “I want our backup just to be competent enough to help us finish, Vex.”

    “What‽” Vex defended, “Are you going to blame me for everything‽ If you had just handled those two then we could have gotten away.”

    Siegfried growled and Vex just rolled his eyes. The gallade was about to look out again until he noticed Vex’s expression change to surprise. Siegfried turned around only to clasp on his throat by a firm claw. The gallade began to gasp as Vex quickly got to his feet, only to be the landing cushion for Siegfried.

    “You both are f***ing idiots,” An unrelenting voice snapped. The two looked upon their superior. A black scaled haxorus walked into the darkness, the ground crackling under his strong steps. “I have no intention of going back without our objective. You two twats will assist me.”

    Siegfried got to his feet and informed, “They most likely will have him under protection or something.”

    “I won’t take a risk losing a potential end to my search.” The mon said as he turned his backs towards them. He clasped his claws behind his back and peered at the crescent moon outside. “Do you fools comprehend the importance of this mission?”

    Vex finally got up and managed to say, “We don’t get told too much, but we are after information and that kid is supposed to be linked to it.”

    Siegfried added, “However, when I probed his memories I couldn’t find anything related to it.”

    “That was your former mission purpose. You now will assist me in his capture.”

    Vex gave a little cough and inquired “Um…If I may uh-”

    “Trishula, but you will address me by ‘Sir’.”

    “Um sir what do you mean by-”

    “I have interests that is all. I have been informed that our thorn ‘Seliph’ was on your trail.”

    Vex looked down in shock while Siegfried kept his stern face. Siegfried then stepped forward, leading to Trishula looking far enough back just to glimpse him out of the corner of his eye.

    “If he’s coming then we should back off. He’s formidable and has killed many an agent of ours. If he joins them then….we’ll have no-”

    “Silence,” Trishula scolded in a low aggressive tone. Siegfried stopped as Trishula once again looked outside, “Whatever your fate to complete this capture is of no concern. I will not risk my goals with cowards. Now you will assist or I will relieve you of your existence myself.”

    The two grunts looked at each other. Trishula then raised his right arm in front of his view of the moon. Clenching his fist Trishula whispered, “You’re the reason for my existence, Aegis.”

    “Aegis?” Vex whispered to Siegfried, curious about the name. Siegfried whispered back, “One of the five originals. The starters of the clans. He is the starter of the Averion’s. Remember when I mentioned if he had Savoir it would be a big break for us? Well Aegis’s gift was Savoir.” The two looked back at the haxorus, who seemed lost in deep thought. I’ll find you and then I shall complete myself from your destruction.

    synergy (Sin-er-gee) A energy that exists in all living things that can be attributed to ones inner power. It's the foundation of a mon being able to make their moves more impactful as well as improving their abilities if one draws the synergy from others or the surrounding area. Synergy is a stable form of Primal Energy/Dragon Force and therefore can be used by all mons without it affecting their mental states. Synergy is also found upper crust of the earth, plants, special items and large solidified crystals. Some of these crystals can created into mega stones, Z-Crystals, Emeras and other items.

    Passing Life A clan gift in the area of healing/support. The gift itself is relative to Synergy Transfer. This gift enables a person to give or receive synergy upon physical contact the with object. However, this can be interfered with basic synergy disruption and it's ability and effect depends on the experience and skill of the gift holder.

    Synergizer (Sin-er-jai-zur) A clan gift in the area of healing/support. The gift itself is relative to Synergy effectivity. One being able to use the energy in oneself to boost their abilities as well as moves power. This draws from the gift holder's own synergy and is seen as a glass canon mostly.

    Trishula (Trish-oo-lah)
      #28   Link to this post, but load the entire thread.  
    Old January 10th, 2018 (1:41 PM). Edited January 10th, 2018 by Cavespider_17.
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    Cavespider_17 Cavespider_17 is offline
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      -> I have already grammar checked this for you and highlighted errors I found.

      -> Overall the plot is very interesting. Also this is where the Gallade is. I like the somewhat thug-like characters generically as they are quite distinct with their own personalities.

      -> Good research on abilities

      -> Good use of interrorbangs.

      -> Hopefully you can build on what you have so far. I know you took a break from this one to work on your other work. I find the plot of this one very slightly harder to follow. I often forget what Pokemon who is. It might be worth having a bit of a refresher in regard to characters seeing as some characters disappear into the background without much mention, but rejoin the action in a slightly abrupt manner.

      Keep it up :D
      "Even the sturdiest ship can sink if it is built with ignorance" - Aaron Piscar (Fictional Character)
      Read the Fiction, Play the Game
        #29   Link to this post, but load the entire thread.  
      Old January 10th, 2018 (6:09 PM).
      Bay's Avatar
      Bay Bay is offline
      Darkinium Z
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      All right, so I'm going to talk about the puns first off. While Dolly's puns there are fun and tells us her sense of humor, I feel like bolding the puns gives it too much attention. Like it seems you're going, "hey here's a pun, it's funny!" If you still want to emphasize the puns, maybe italics would work better, but I prefer the puns run its course and not bold/italicize those. You'll already get Dolly saying puns by the reactions from the other characters.

      “You’re welcome,” Jaron answered, staying in his teasing tone at lighthearted smile. “Though yeah you’re right Vray. Jasmine, stay with Vragon, let me and Ciecro handle this,” Jaron ordered.
      Bolded part sounds awkward. Maybe, "staying in his teasing tone with a lighthearted smile. Actually, I think "Jaron answered with a lighthearted smile" sounds better since "teasing tone" and "lighthearted smile" sounds the same.

      “Whelp that was something,” Jaron stated, “Did they catch on why they wanted you, Vray?” Vragon shook his head. “All I can say is that they wanted something from my memories and maybe wanted to assess something about me. I don’t know for what though.”
      I still see a couple occasions where you had two Pokemon's dialogue in same paragraph.

      I admit I had to refresh myself a bit on Dolly, Ciecro, and Jaron since it felt like it's been a while since they appeared. Seems like a decent wrapup to the battle with Siegfried and Vex there.

      “You okay? I don’t blame you for being a little-”

      “It’s not that Jaron,” the fraxure admitted. He looked at his friends crimson eyes with his topaz ones. “Jaron…the gallade in that fight asked me if I had a gift called ‘Savoir’. I don’t know what that gift is about and it from some reason it’s worrying me. Do you happen to know what that gift does?”

      Jaron thought for a bit, then shook his head. “I don’t know of a gift like that. But it doesn’t matter. Sides your gift isn’t uncommon. I mean Passing Life and Synergizer are some that can heal wounds like you can.”

      “He also talked about…Averions. Jaron, do you or Ciecro know anything about Averions?”

      “No, not really. Never been to their lands nor met any of them. Forest upbringing, remember.

      “Yeah…” Vragon’s head sank a little. Jaron picked up Vragon’s pendant from its resting place and began looking at it. He looked at the detailed grooves and words that Vragon had tried to decipher many times.
      First point is I feel it's kinda weird describing "crimson eyes with his topaz ones." Usually "Their gazes fixed" works fine. Second point is I feel when Vragon mentions about Averions to Jaron that there should be a bit more reaction/body language from both.

      As for the last scene, I think this is the first time Trishula is introduced here. Wonder what role he'll play here.

      "Meowth are all right. They don't care who you are or anything."
      Foul Play [Chapter Six up!]
        #30   Link to this post, but load the entire thread.  
      Old January 17th, 2018 (6:48 AM).
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      Venia Silente Venia Silente is offline
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      So, letting you know I am catching up on the earlier chapters, basically still reading the last of the stuff with the then young and hopefully cute Seliph & co., since back then I had done some proofreading for that.

      I admittedly have to say I am not grasping enough of the story yet but the character interactions more than make up for it. Barring some issues in portraying the characters that stem from more subjacent issues in the general writing that I'm sure other reviewers must have pointed out at given points in the past -boy am I delayed for this- the characters look solid, not one-dimensional, and in general very identifiable.

      The relationship between Jaron and Seliph is well delineated, Freya and Gathor's only somewhat less so, and it is in general very easy to see when they might be stretching or pushing out of their bounds.

      Well, I'm basically staying around and catching up over time because of the characters. Maybe I can eventually understand more of the story to enjoy a reread, too. So, I hope this story will carry on.
      Venia Silente' - Consulting Worldbuilder
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      one day.

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        #31   Link to this post, but load the entire thread.  
      Old January 28th, 2018 (11:17 PM). Edited February 11th, 2018 by Vragon.
        Posts: n/a
        Language, Alcohol reference, & crude humor
        Chapter 15
        A Short Trip

        “You sure you don’t need me to come?” Jasmine asked Jaron and Vragon. They were at the edge of the road leading out of town.

        “Thanks Jasmine, but Vragon and I will be fine.” Jaron replied with a smile.

        “You haven’t forgotten about what happened last night have you?” She replied with a mix of concern and scepticism. Vragon answered with,

        “No we haven’t, so we have someone to accompany us. We’re waiting for her.”

        Jasmine’s eyes widened upon having a thought, “Don’t tell me it’s-”

        “That was fast Jasmine. What are you? Psychic.” Dolly’s voice asked from behind the absol. Jasmine frowned with annoyance, refusing to turn around.

        “Are you serious Vragon?”

        Vragon gestured a "no" and gave a little point to Jaron, who was giving his gator smile.

        “Jaron, you can’t just go by yourselves. At least take Ciecro with you,” Jasmine protested.

        “Jaz, we’ll be fine. The route is about a two hour stroll and it’s daytime,” Jasmine wasn’t convinced. Jaron sighed, leaned in closer, pointed to his arm sack and whispered, “I have one communication orb for each of us, three chesto berries for sleep status, two all-Mach orbs for instant move critical ups, some sitrus berries, two blast seeds, one grenade orb-“

        “Okay, I get it. You’re prepared,” Jasmine shouted in the middle of Jaron’s listing.

        “Look Jasmine, I’d bring you along, but I need you to do something else.” Jasmine gave a surprised look. Jaron looked Vragon, who gave a sigh and shook his head. Jaron then said to Jasmine, “I kinda need you to do my job while I’m gone. You’re fine with that right?”

        All the anticipation from Jasmine died in that instant. She gritted her teeth underneath a “It’s fine”. She turned around and gave a “Fine, just hurry up,” and walked away.

        “Yeah she’s mad,” Vragon stated giving Jaron a leer.

        “It’ll be fine Vragon, she’s Jasmine and she always thinks that I’m inconsiderate.”

        “And that’s a good thing?” Dolly asked, not quite getting it.

        “Not really, but if she’s willing to be friends with Ciecro, then I’m pretty sure she’s fine with me.”

        “I question your logic on that, but I suppose she does have a reason, if not out of sympathy.” Vragon added, “I mean why else would she hang around with you?”

        “I dunno, why do you hang out with me?” Jaron responded arrogantly.

        “Well um..not the point.”

        “What’s wrong Vray? Don’t have an answer?”

        “N-no it’s not that I just…well.. I need to think of how to say it… wait no! This is about you and your-”

        “Say what Vray? You know, you’re kinda acting a little, flustered. Is that blush I see.” Jaron joked, with a lie at the end.

        “What‽” Vragon screamed, “No I’m not b-b-b-b-blushing for that. I mean it’s just flusterednessishy stuff you know. Kinda like-”

        “It’s fine Vray. I like you too.” This sent Vragon reeling back with redness covering his grey cheeks. Jaron laughed, giving the fraxure a pat on his back, “I’m just messin’ with you Vray.”

        “Yeah..well … let me know next time when you’re being stupid so I don’t have to play a part in your...stupidity,” Vragon countered in frustration. The fraxure stormed a little ways away and crossed his arms. It was that moment that Dolly smacked Jaron on the shoulder. Jaron winced from the pain and demanded a reason. She didn’t answer, but walked over to Vragon, grabbed his head and twisted him around.

        “Dolly what are yo-?” She pulled him over right next to Jaron. She then put her hand on his head and twisted them to look at her.

        “Now pay attention.”

        The two’s expressions were a mix of surprise and fear. They awaited for whatever she had in store for them. She took a breath and with a deeper voice said, “We gonna head out or what?”

        “Aww Dolly!” the two shouted in unison, pulling her hands off her head. Dolly began laughing while the two sulked at falling for that dirty scare.

        “You know, on second thought, maybe we shouldn’t have brought her,” Jaron said. Vragon looked and said,

        “It’s not too late to return the buffoon.”

        “Come on guys I’m just joking,” Dolly stated putting her arms on the sour mon’s shoulders, “You know me. I tend to break the mold when it comes to kangaskhans.”

        “Wow, real cool,” Jaron muttered in an unimpressed voice, “It’s funny cause Vragon has that ability. Mold Breaker heh …. heh.”

        “Respect Dolly,” Vragon added with his own sarcasm, “that was both witty and original. I’m sure it’ll be a treat to have you with us on trip.”

        “Oh come on guys don’t be sore. I’m just messing with you.”

        “Oh neat,” Vragon said while rolling his eyes, “You’re taking logic lessons from Jaron.”

        “And apparently bad at telling jokes class from Vragon,” Jaron countered. The fraxure and croconaw locked heads, staring angrily into each other’s eyes. Dolly just stood there concerned as the two kept their eyes locked. After about two minutes, Jaron gave an angry smirk. Vragon tried to keep his scowl, but gave up and backed away.

        “Hah, you can’t resist my adorable grin,” Jaron boasted in his trivial victory.

        “Heh...maybe just out of sympathy.”

        “You jerk,” Jaron said in a playful tone as he head locked the fraxure. The two began laughing. Jaron left his prisoner out and Vragon rolled his neck till it cracked.

        “Though yeah Jaron…you should do something for her. I mean, she isn’t a wimp like me.”

        “You’re not a wimp,” Dolly protested, “You’re just a kid that’s still finding himse-” She stopped upon receiving a murderous stare from Vragon. She returned a grin.

        “I’ll definitely make things up to her. But for now, we should head out. The town’s not gonna meet us halfway after all,” Jaron announced, as he swung the travel bag over his shoulder and began walking. Dolly and Vragon followed after him. Soon the town was but barely visible as the three continued on the dirt road. After a while of silence Dolly gave a big yawn.

        “Say, either of you hungry?” Dolly asked.

        “A little break wouldn’t hurt I guess,” Jaron agreed, “You Vragon?”

        “Uh..yeah.” was the dragon's reply. Despite the answer, Jaron could tell Vragon wasn't focused on his question.

        He squinted his eyes, scooched closer to the lost in thought fraxure and said in a mischievous tone, “And while we're at it do you wanna get some strong berry juice at some local place? Be a nice way to lose your problems, eh.”

        “Yeah sure Jar- wait …. But we aren’t spending the night there...and what do you mean by some 'local place'? We aren't going to the town to get waste-” Vragon stopped upon seeing Jaron's classic grin. He was, once again, being messed with. Vragon gave an annoyed sigh.

        “So what are yah thinking about, buddy?” Jaron responded.

        “About which books I should get.” Vragon answered, returning to his pondering stance.

        Jaron’s eyelids drooped and he said, “Aren’t we a bit far to think of that?”

        Vragon apologized, “I guess I’m just anxious. Yeah, a little rest wouldn’t hurt.”

        “Then it’s settled,” Dolly declared, “good thing I made some food for us.” She reached into her travel shoulder bag and pulled out some dry berries and some moomoo milk filled bottles.

        The three sat down and started to get their trip snacks out. Dolly ripped into her berries, Vragon took his time to savor it and Jaron ate slowly. He was keeping his eyes on the forest edge, carefully moving his gaze along its border. I hope this is a good idea. But then again it was mine, so I better do my best to make sure it works.

        < O >

        Jasmine gave an annoyed growl as she gazed upon all the paperwork she had just finished. She slouched on the ground mumbling, “Why do I put up with them? Then again, if it’s for Vragon doing something and Jaron to get out then I guess it’s fine. Well at least not scratching worthy.”

        “Hey uh Jasmine,” a fellow ranger walked in, “uh you know where Ciecro is?”

        Jasmine lifted her head from the floor and said, “No I don’t…why?”

        “Well um…we can’t find him.”

        Jasmine immediately hopped to here feet. She demanded information, now. The frightened ranger explained that Ciecro hadn’t been seen for a while.

        “Dang it now I’ve gotta find him before I do his work,” She grumbled brushing past the guy. She stormed through the building and made her way outside.

        “Why did he have to go and do whatever he does when he leaves?” She mumbled to herself, making her way down the road. She was too busy scowling at the ground to see that she had walked into an alley. It didn’t take her long to run into someone there. She stuttered a little, but managed to avoid falling unlike the other Pokémon.

        “Oh my, I’m sorry sir are you okay?” Jasmine inquired as she hastened to help the Pokémon.

        “I’ll live thankfully” he assured her, “though I hope this isn’t a normal practice in your town, heh. Because I suffer from being too focused on things up in my head than my current positioning in my walk.”

        The two shared a short laugh and Jasmine replied with a, “Don’t worry it isn’t. Oh are you a visitor to our town?”

        “Yes I am. Dang I’m a bit dirty.”

        While the stranger was busy brushing himself off, Jasmine was busy taking in the view of this mon. He was a fit yet slim greninja, who appeared to be a few years older than herself. He wore a thin, blue vest with few tears in it. He wore a belt with a few sachets on it.

        “Is there something you need miss?” The greninja asked, snapping her out of her staring.

        “Oh sorry about that sir. No, I’m fine, I need to hurry and find someone,”

        “Pardon me real quick,” the water type intervened, “Is it alright if I ask you a question?” Jasmine stopped and gave a nod.

        “Don’t worry, just information. I’m looking for two mons, a gallade and gengar, have you seen them? If it helps, they both have red eyes.”

        Her eyes froze; she leaped back and readied to fight. The stranger didn’t flinch at all to this, but did change his expression to serious. “So you have seen them,” he answered for her, “I’m not with them. I’m after them. I ask you answer me, time is of the essence.”

        “How about you prove it.” Jasmine demanded.

        The mon nodded and reached into his vest slowly. Suddenly he spun around and threw a little ball at her. She quickly sliced it. “Good reflexes,” the stranger’s voice spoke from behind her. She turned around to see the greninja holding a night slash blade at her head. “I implore you to tell me where and when you saw them. They are very dangerous.”

        Jasmine calmed her nerves and obeyed the stranger. “They attacked us last night and well vanished before we could catch them.”


        “ and my friends,” the stranger disintegrated the blade and raised his hand to his chin. He began mumbling some gibberish. Jasmine turned around and angrily said, “What is your deal‽”

        “Do you know why they attacked you?”

        “They were after one of my friends.”

        “I see…where is this friend?”

        “Like I’d tell-” the water type moved his face right in front of hers and gave a fierce stare. “If you value that friend of yours I suggest you take me to him. If they are indeed after him, they won’t stop because of one loss to a bunch of locals.”

        Jasmine thought for a second and finally nodded. She gestured with her head for him to follow and began galloping away. The greninja followed closely. “I apologize for intimidating you, I don’t really have too much time.” Jasmine just gave a grunt. Trying to make amends, the stranger asked, “Um, might I ask you for your name?”

        “Only if you tell me yours.”

        “Um…my name…is well…not important right now. What is right now is your friends.”
        Jasmine nodded, but added, “I’ll keep my eye on you.”

        “Of course,” He replied as they picked up the pace.

        < O >

        “Well this is new,” Dolly said staring at Jaron’s weird walking, being odd twists and occasional twirls.
        Vragon joined Dolly in saying, “Jaron? What are you doing?”

        “Oh, I’m just getting that feeling.”

        “Elaborate,” Vragon pressed.

        “My gift is acting up. You know, Wary,” Jaron suddenly turned around. He then walked past the two and stared into the trees again.

        “I wish I could see deeper or something.”

        “So, you think they are nearby?” Dolly whispered, moving a little closer to Vragon.

        “Either they recovered fast or they can’t afford to let us leave,” Jaron muttered, “I was hoping this wouldn’t happen, but … stay close both of you.”

        Jaron took a few steps away from them and shouted, “Hey b****es, how’s the hiding going‽” Both Vragon and Dolly’s jaws dropped. Jaron looked around a little, then shouted again, “You wanna piece of us, cos we’re going to beat you up again!”

        “What’s he doing?” Dolly whispered to Vragon, who shrugged just as clueless.

        Jaron then shouted, “I know you’re there idiots!” Vragon face palmed, and Dolly walked up to try and get Jaron to stop. Suddenly Jaron spun around and fired an ice beam at an incoming shadow ball. He leaped past Dolly to fire a follow up scald, trying to hit an evading blob on the ground.

        “My, aren’t we perceptive and attention seeking,” Vex declared as he leaped-phased from the ground.

        “You should’ve stayed hidden. Did I strike a nerve?” Jaron taunted.

        “You struck nothing, but a low in my interest. Thankfully I’m not asking for a beating like you are.”

        “I don’t see why you’re so confident after all,” Siegfried said as he walked out from the forest, “You don’t have your numbers like before.”

        He crossed his arms as Vex joined up with him. Siegfried then gave Vex an angry stare, to which Vex gave a shrug with a carefree smile. Siegfried extended his arm blades and vex opened his mouth, letting his tongue ooze saliva. Vragon shuddered, Dolly gave a “really?” look and Jaron just kept his mocking smile.

        “You’re not nearly as scary as my brother. Speaking of which-”

        The two grunts gave confused looks, before a flamethrower struck Vex in the face. Vex cursed from the
        pain of the singing move, but stopped when Ciecro’s foot shoved him into the dirt.

        “My bro is right,” Ciecro snarled, keeping the gengar’s face in the dirt, “I’m way scarier than yah two could eveh be.”

        Siegfried was about to attack, but was stopped by an orb thrown by Jaron. It gave a small explosion, releasing a net. It ensnared the galllade, the momentum sending him rolling a few feet away. He tried to cut himself out, but the net gave its prisoner a nasty shock.

        “I call it the Electronet orb,” Jaron said, tossing an orb in his hand, “a little thing I made myself.”

        “Oh yeah, I forgot you liked dabbling in making stuff,” Vragon mentioned as he and Dolly joined the croconaw.

        Dolly smiled and said “Good thing your plan worked, Jaron.”

        “W-what plan?” Vex demanded, struggling to get up. However, he was forced back into the ground by Ciecro’s foot.

        “Can it punk.”

        Jaron walked over to the gallade and said, “I figured it would be better nabbing the two of you instead of trying to stay safe while you both roam free. So I devised a little plan for me, Dolly and Vragon to head out and play bait while Ciecro was hunting you.”

        “How did he hide from us?” Siegfried shouted, continuing to struggle.

        “Let’s just say, he knows how to control his light rather well,” Jaron said as he winked at his brother, who responded with a growling sigh, “and he kinda had a cloaking orb.”

        “Now I think it’s time for some answers,” Ciecro snapped, putting more pressure on the gengar’s back, “Like who you both are, why you both are here for Vragon and your ties to the red eyes. Answer us and maybe I won’t break you.”

        Ciecro was suddenly struck in the face by a powerful fist slap sending him flying a ways away. He rolled a ways, before finally stopping himself.

        “Bro!” Jaron shouted as he rushed to help the charmander. He helped him up and said, “Are you injured?”

        Ciecro just gritted his teeth and grumbled, “I’m going to kick the ass of whatever son of a b**** did that. Vragon! Dolly! Regroup!”

        The two didn’t hesitate to join the brothers. The group watched as a tall, black scaled haxorus step out of the trees. He looked down at Vex and ordered, “Get your associate on his feet.”

        He walked forward while Vex released Siegfried with a shadow claw. The haxorus gazed at the group, moving his eyes from one to the next. His eyes finally fell on Vragon’s Averion crest.

        “So you must be the candidate,” The dragon stated in a cold tone.

        “Candidate?” Vragon repeated, perplexed.

        “For now, you are one. I require you to come with me, consenting or not.”

        He started moving towards the group. Ciecro fired a flamethrower as a warning shot, straight into the fierce dragon.

        “Strong despite the weakened typing,” Trishula answered, strolling out of the remnants of the fire, “But a child’s fire is still merely a spark on a solid steel.”

        “I take it you’re the boss,” Jaron deduced out loud, “in that case.”

        He fired an Ice Beam at the Pokémon. Trishula quickly blocked it with his arm. His arm was covered in ice. His stare remained firm as he struck it against his chest, shattering the ice off his arm.

        Ciecro stepped forward, unflinching. He let out a roar as he formed Dragon Claw with his left hand and Thunder Punch with his right. Trishula raised a brow at this, unimpressed. Ciecro instructed Jaron to give a follow up, before charging the haxorus.

        “Time to break your jaw!” he shouted, jabbing with the Thunderpunch. Trishula caught it. Ciecro then swiped with his other move, only for it to be stopped by Siegfried’s Psycho Cut arm. Trishula then gave Ciecro a firm hit with his head. Ciecro fell on his bum and was kicked firmly in the chest. He was knocked back to the group. Jaron fired another Ice Beam to slow Trishula’s progress, but it was canceled out by Vex’s Shadow Ball.

        “Dammit,” Ciecro growled, trying to get back on his feet despite his hurting ribs. Suddenly he felt a surge of energy in him. He looked up to see Vragon’s claws on his shoulder.

        “I’m fine Vray,” he snapped, “Save your energy for the fight in-case we need you. Stay with Dolly while me and Jaron deal with this prick.” Vragon nodded and backed on over to the kangaskhan.

        Trishula then rushed towards them. Jaron threw a blast seed, forcing Trishula to block the blast. Jaron then fired another Ice Beam trough the smoke. Trishula sliced the beam apart, but was struck by Ciecro, leaping from the smoke. The haxorus staggered a little, before regaining his balance.

        “Hurts, don’t it? Ciecro said, giving a mean grin. His arrogant turned to another scowl as the Haxorus merely cracked his neck.

        The dark dragon stated in a condescending tone, “If you want to get in my way, then at least try to be an obstacle, otherwise I demand your departure from matters that don’t concern you.”

        Ciecro’s anger got the better as he lunged with another Dragon Claw. Trishula was too fast though and a firm smack from his fist set Ciecro flying a few yards. Trishula started a follow up attack, but was struck in the face by Jaron’s Ice Beam. He tore the ice off his face, while Jaron covered Ciecro.

        “We might have to strat, brother,” Jaron suggested, his tone changed to pretty serious. Ciecro nodded as he wiped the dirt off his cheek. They got side by side, Jaron taking a low stance while Ciecro took an aggressive straightened. Trishula eyed the two curious about what they would do, but not caring to actually figure it out.

        Meanwhile Dolly and Vragon were dealing with the two grunts. Siegfried sent a Psycho Cut straight at the two. Dolly moved her arm to block the move from hitting Vragon, who fired a Dragon Breath at the attacker. Siegfried dodged with a back hand spring. Vex took the opportunity to attempt a flank.
        However, Dolly noticed and tried to use foresight, but Siegfried did another Psycho Cut to distract her.

        “Vragon cover!” She shouted to the fraxure, who got between the gallade and Dolly. Vragon activated Dragon Claw and stood right behind Dolly, waiting for another attack. Siegfried slightly nodded his head, signaling the ghost for a joint attack. They both fired their range moves.

        “Get down!” Dolly shouted and the fraxure obeyed. Vragon hit the ground and covered his head, as Dolly dizzy punched the psycho cut and let the shadow ball pass through her. Siegfried evaded the move, spun with the moment and threw another Psycho Cut at the two. Vragon gave an upper slice with Dragon Claw, deflecting the move into the air. Vragon and Dolly returned to defending each other's backs.

        Ciecro and Jaron were also struggling in their team up fight against the red eyed leader. Despite their best efforts Trishula was easily able to count Ciecro’s Flamethrower or Jaron’s Ice Beam.

        “This isn’t working!” Ciecro shouted as he dodge a slice from his tall opponent.

        “Try this,” Jaron called out, throwing an all-Mach orb to his brother. Ciecro reached out to grab it, but it was caught mid-flight by Trishula. The two froze as the dragon pulled the orb closer and looked at it with squinting eyes.

        “Resourceful children, I’ll give you that,” He stated crushing the orb. He spread his arms and puffed out his chest. He then opened his mouth and began to inhale.

        “Jaron! Get back!” Ciecro shouted, warning Jaron of an incoming move. Jaron leaped up in the air right when the dragon fired Incinerate. The fire move surged in a straight line, burning the grass it traveled over. Jaron threw an orb at the mon. It blasted out an Electronet that covered the haxorus. Trishula merely sliced his way out with one Dragon Claw swipe, ignoring the net's shocks.

        “Dammit, not even that,” Jaron snarled. He looked to see how the others were doing; He noticed they were having difficulty in fighting the opened due to the ranged moves the grunts kept throwing at the two.

        Jaron decided they needed a new plan. Take them out one by one, “Ciecro, change targets. Let’s take them out first,” The charmander nodded and they rushed to help. Jaron forced Vex back with a Scald, while Ciecro locked moves with Siegfried. Trishula ran after them.

        “Dolly, catch!” Jaron shouted, throwing a heal seed at her. She got the message. She lunged to meet the haxorus and unleashed a barrage of jabs and kicks. He parried as best as he could, but finally was out sped by the aggressive Dolly. He staggered a little giving Dolly more jabs and kicks onto the dragon’s body. After about a minute of pummeling, Dolly finally grabbed the Pokémon by his cheek blades and threw him deep into the trees. Dolly let out a fierce roar. She could feel the confusion starting to take over and quickly ate the heal seed. She let out a calming sigh, feeling the status ailment dying out.

        “What the? I didn’t know you knew-” Vragon began. Dolly just smiled and interrupted with,

        “Sorry you had to see me when I’m outraged.”

        Vragon growled and Dolly smirked. Vragon turned around to help Jaron, while Dolly helped Ciecro. The group of four forced their way past the two and drove the enemies to the forest’s edge.

        “Are you lot done?” Trishula growled as he stepped out of the trees. He tensed his muscles and crossed his arms. He swung them apart, sending a fast wind that brushed the group slightly.

        Jaron gave Ciecro a grin. “Hey, let’s Dual slice him with these bro,” he whispered, revealing two quick orbs in his claw. Ciecro took one and clenched it in his fist.

        “Dolly, Vragon, clear us a path,” Ciecro ordered as he and Jaron activated the orbs. A surge of blue aura covered them and entered their bodies.

        “Dang, that feels good,” Jaron said with enjoyment in his voice, as the effects of the orb surged through his body, exciting his nerves. Once done, Jaron rolled his head with an content smiled on his face. Ciecro then gave Jaron a wink and moved his tongue over the back of his mouth. Jaron’s eyes dropped halfway and muttered, “Please bro.”

        "You're the one that moaned from the satisfaction," Ciecro joked. Regaining their focus, The two finally turned to face their opponent again. They rushed towards the haxorus, zig zagging past each other forming large X’s in their paths. Vragon and Dolly used Dragon Breath and Focus Blast to force the minions away.

        When the two were only a few feet away, they both sliced at the dragon in unison. Trishula blocked their swipes, but was sent back a little from the force. Trishula slowly lowered his arms from their blocking positions and clenched his claws.

        “He’s starting to piss me off,” Ciecro grumbled.

        “How do we beat this guy?” Jaron wheezed.

        “You don’t nimrods,” Trishula mocked as he thrust his right fist into the ground, causing Earthquake. Jaron and Ciecro were sent a ways from the rupturing ground. They managed to break their falls with a roll and hastily got back to their feet.

        “Look out!” Vragon shouted, deflecting a Shadow Ball from hitting Jaron. Dolly rushed over to cover Ciecro. They were again surrounded, Vex and Siegfried on the sides and Trishula straight in front. He strode towards the spent group, keeping a strong but composed stride. Suddenly he stopped upon seeing something behind them. He raised his arms in protection just in time to tank a Psycho Cut aimed for his face.

        Everyone went silent for a second. “Jasmine?” Jaron said to himself and began to turn around. Before he did a flash of blue flew past him. It struck Trishula with a stronger force than the move prior. Tishula was pushed a few feet away, carving into the ground as he slid.

        Jaron then noticed some water was on his cheek. “Wait how did that happen? I thought it looked like a water shuri-” Jaron said out loud, but stopped. Ciecro had noticed the water on his own cheek too. They both slowly turned their and eyes widened with surprised, upon seeing him … Seliph.

        Wary - A gift more common with Norfarion Pokémon. It tenses the Pokémon's instinctive awareness to be able to sense danger nearby or incoming. It is based on the user's mental concentration of observance, but becomes easier to use as the Pokémon gets older.
          #32   Link to this post, but load the entire thread.  
        Old January 29th, 2018 (3:57 PM).
        Cavespider_17's Avatar
        Cavespider_17 Cavespider_17 is offline
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          ֎I have already grammar checked this so I won't make any new, unneeded grammar notes.

          ֎ Generally, I am liking where this is going. There are a lot of character traits, such as Jaron's and Vragon's which are definitely coming to light. You composed the clashing of characteristics very well.
          ֎ Further point on characteristics, I would like to give a special note to the portrayal of the two's apparent secret irritation at Dolly, who would probably anger most people with the puns.
          ֎ I like Siegfried's character most of all, I find him subtle and clever, but also arrogant, which seems to not only fit his Pokemon's design, but also creates an understandable villain.
          ֎ Overall, I can't wait to see where the plot advances to next. :) I hope that Vragon is able to get to where he needs to be, and the boss fight hopefully will end up in a super interesting scenario, in which the characters will have to get themselves out of.
          "Even the sturdiest ship can sink if it is built with ignorance" - Aaron Piscar (Fictional Character)
          Read the Fiction, Play the Game
            #33   Link to this post, but load the entire thread.  
          Old February 6th, 2018 (9:16 PM).
          Bay's Avatar
          Bay Bay is offline
          Darkinium Z
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          He squinted his eyes, scooched closer to the lost in thought fraxure and said in a mischievous tone,

          “And while we're at it do you wanna get some strong berry juice at some local place? Be a nice way to lose your problems, eh.”

          “Yeah sure Jar- wait …. But we aren’t spending the night there...and what do you mean by some 'local place'? We aren't going there to get was-” Vragon stopped upon seeing Jaron's classic grin. He was, once again, being messed with. Vragon gave an annoyed sigh, to which Jaron responded with,

          “So what are yah thinking about, buddy?”
          I noticed a few instances where you went back to this type of dialogue punctuation, which is slightly weird and breaks the flow. Perhaps something like this:

          He squinted his eyes, scooched closer to the lost in thought fraxure and said in a mischievous tone, “And while we're at it do you wanna get some strong berry juice at some local place? Be a nice way to lose your problems, eh.”

          “Yeah sure Jar- wait …. But we aren’t spending the night there...and what do you mean by some 'local place'? We aren't going there to get was-” Vragon stopped upon seeing Jaron's classic grin. He was, once again, being messed with. Vragon gave an annoyed sigh.

          “So what are yah thinking about, buddy?” Jaron responded.

          Jasmine calmed her nerves and obeyed the stranger. “They attacked us last night and well vanished before we could catch them.”


          “ and my friends,” Seliph disintegrated the blade and raised his hand to his chin. He began mumbling some gibberish. Jasmine turned around and angrily said, “What is your deal‽”

          “Do you know why they attacked you?”

          “They were after one of my friends.”

          “I see…where is this friend?”
          Ok, so this is in Jasmine's point of view right (and perhaps she didn't recognize him too)? I feel at this point Seliph's name shouldn't be mentioned considering what happens at the end of the chapter.

          Jaron took a few steps away from them and shouted, “Hey b****es, how’s the hiding going‽” Both Vragon and Dolly’s jaws dropped. Jaron looked around a little, then shouted again, “You wanna piece of us, cos we’re going to beat you up again!”
          I admit I had the same reaction as Vragon and Dolly when Jaron cussed, haha. Maybe I haven't paid attention to Jaron's dialogue, but I didn't expect him to scream that.

          He walked forward while Vex released Siegfried with a shadow claw. The haxorus gazed at the group, moving his eyes from one to the next. His eyes finally fell on Vragon’s Averion crest.

          “So you must be the candidate,” The dragon stated in a cold tone.

          “Candidate?” Vragon repeated, perplexed.

          “For now, you are one. I require you to come with me, consenting or not.”

          He started moving towards the group. Ciecro fired a flamethrower as a warning shot, straight into the fierce dragon.
          Yeah, I didn't think the group would cooperate with Trishula there.

          “We might have to strat, brother,” Jaron suggested, his tone changed to pretty serious. Ciecro nodded as he wiped the dirt off his cheek. The got side by side, Jaron taking a low stance while Ciecro kept his spine straight in his stance. Trishula eyed the two curious about what they would do, but not caring to actually figure it out.
          First part of the bolded sentence I think you meant "They got side by side". Second part you can choose to take or not, but I think "Ciecro stood up straight" sounds a bit more natural than "Cierco kept his spine straight."

          “Dang, that feels good,” Jaron said, enjoyment in his voice as the effects of the orb surged through his body. Ciecro gave Jaron a wink moved his tongue over the back of his mouth. Jaron’s eyes dropped halfway and muttered, “Please bro.”
          Bold part seems to miss a word there. Maybe, "Ciecro gave Jaron a wink and moved his tongue over the back of his mouth." I'll have to agree with Jaron's reaction to Ciecro there, heh.

          I already mentioned about Seliph's reveal when talked about Jasmine's POV, but it should be interesting how everyone reacts to his return.

          "Meowth are all right. They don't care who you are or anything."
          Foul Play [Chapter Six up!]
            #34   Link to this post, but load the entire thread.  
          Old February 21st, 2018 (10:13 PM). Edited February 26th, 2018 by Vragon.
            Posts: n/a
            Violence, Language, Blood, Psychological Torment, Brief Torture
            Chapter 16
            Intrusion by Recollection

            “Ja…Jar…Jaron snap out of it!” The startled croconaw snapped to his sense after several shakes from Vragon.

            “Wh-wha? Vragon, wait but I saw-”

            “Get down!” Vragon shouted, forcing Jaron onto the ground. A blast of fire soared over the two’s head and impacted the forest on the other side of the road.

            Jaron looked up from the ground to see Trishula exchanging blows with Seliph. Seeing his brother’s face opened the door to many memories. Some good, some sad but only one that mattered to him now. Jaron got to his feet slowly.

            “Hey you’ve taken some damage you probably should rest for a sec,” Vragon suggested. The fraxure then noticed Jaron’s scowl. It wasn’t like any scowl he had seen. It wasn’t hard for Vragon to deduce the reason for this abnormality of Jaron.

            “Jaron,” he said, walking in front and putting his claws on Jaron’s shoulders, “Let’s focus on getting out of here first. I promise, I’ll do whatever you need me to do when we get back, but right now we need his help.”

            The last few words rubbed Jaron the wrong way. He brushed Vragon aside, with force, but not enough to send him off-balance. “Help the others,”

            “What are you-?” Vragon began, but stopped as the croconaw rushed towards the fight. Vragon let out a sigh and headed over to Ciecro, who was getting back on his feet. Before he reach the charmeleon he began rushing at the group.

            “Ciecro wait!” Vragon shouted, but his words went on deaf ears. They were to focus on one thing. The greninja.

            Vragon gave an annoyed growl, but stopped upon spying Vex’s shadowy blob slither to his right. It was headed for Ciecro. Vragon fired a Dragon Breath at it, but Vex suddenly diverted towards him.

            “Predictable!” Vex shouted, popping up from the ground and hurling a shadow ball towards the dragon. Vragon rolled to avoid, but was left open for a Vacuum Wave from Siegfried. Vragon managed to cover his face, despite being taken aback. Suddenly, he was grabbed and pressed firmly against the mon. The move shredded upon the two fiercely. When the attack had concluded Vragon looked up to see Dolly squinting as if in sharp pain. "She opened her eyes and grinned at him before falling to one knee, gritting her teeth. Vragon caught her and lowered her onto the ground. Her back had several cuts.

            “What? But they did have any buffs and her defense is-” Siegfried began walking towards the two, holding an All-Mach orb in his hand.

            “Thanks for the boost Vex,” Siegfried muttered tossing the orb over his shoulder.

            “Good thing that water guy was too distracted to see me grab it.”

            Vragon became really frightened. He couldn’t win and the most he could do was run, but he couldn’t leave Dolly like this…but if he… He clenched his fists in frustration. He looked at his injured friend then at the incoming gallade. Vragon then looked at his hand. He had only gone this far once and it wasn't a pleasant experience. The claw he looked at started shaking slightly at remembering that incident. He closed his claws and eyes, turned to his friend and said, “I’m sorry Dolly, but your a better fighter than me anyway.” He firmly slammed his left arm on her biggest back wound, making her shriek from the surge of pain. Vragon closed his eyes and started his gift. The faint yellow aura light emanated from his hand surging into Dolly.

            “Stop him!” Siegfried shouted to Vex. The gengar fired a shadow ball at Vragon. It was however destroyed by Jasmine’s psycho cut. Vragon took this extra time to thrust his other hand on and surge his Synergy into her. The wounds sealed up and Dolly let out a sigh of content.

            “Thanks for the save Vr-Vray?” The fraxure was swaying. His eyes closed and arms still on her back. He slowly started to fall backwards, but Dolly managed to soften his fall with her right arm. She rested the fraxure’s head on her left arm and started shaking him softly.

            “Vray come on snap to it,” Dolly pleaded. Vragon’s eyes were squinting and his firsts were clenched.

            “……h-hea….it…h-hurts.” Vragon’s began to squirm a little, clasping his from the headache he had acquired. Seeing no other option Dolly picked him up and put him over her shoulder.

            “Hang on Vray,” Dolly said to the moaning fraxure. Vex began to approach the two, but was struck by a Megahorn by Jasmine. The absol then swung her head, and fired a psycho cut past her friends and at Siegfried. The gallade surged Psycho Cut in his right arm and parried the incoming attack, which caused a small explosion upon hitting the ground. Jasmine then bolted to join Dolly and the two got back to back.

            “Is Vray down?” Jasmine asked, worried.

            “He’s got a migraine. My wounds requiring a lot of his synergy. He’s in no condition to fight anymore; we need to get him out of here.”

            “How?” Jasmine asked in an aggressive, but out of concern tone.

            “Jaron has some escape orbs,” Dolly whispered, “If we can get to him and get everyone together we should be able to escape.”

            This would be easier said than done. Siegfried had made sure to the three off from the others and Vex would be easily able to cut off a rush on either path of the road with his speed. They were trapped, with no other option, but to defend themselves and an unconscious Vragon.
            Trishula was on the defensive due to the nimble attacks by Seliph. After a few minutes of clashing Night Slash Kunai and Trishula’s powerful claws, the two's moves locked.

            “I assume, you’re Seliph correct?” The dragon whispered.

            “Yes,” the greninja answered, “and what is your name or are you just a grunt?”

            Trishula forced Seliph back with an enormous swipe with his free claw.

            “I’m Trishula,” he answered, “you have a history of annoyance to the red eyes I hear. I will give you
            credit. Not many mons would be able to track down and kill one from the 3rd circle.”

            “Well, your leaders have always acted arrogant.”

            “I agree Norfarion. Now,” Trishula put his weight on his right leg, tensed his muscles and rolled his claws, “I hope you’re ready to die.”

            He was about to lunge to the awaiting Seliph, but he was struck in the face with an Ice Beam. The icy feeling on his face caused the mon to lose his stance. He was struck in the face by a firm ThunderPunch from Ciecro. Trishula used the moment to try to do a retaliation swipe, but his obscured vision made him miss his target.

            Ciecro then struck with a Dragon Claw; he then turned around and cupped his hands and gave the running Jaron a leg up. A yellow light surged in Jaron’s left palm. He dove straight at the haxorus and used Crunch on haxorus’ neck.

            “Agh!” Trishula roared from teeth in his neck, “You piece of-” He reached to grab Jaron, but Ciecro gave him a Thunderpunch into his gut. Trishula spat out some blood as he was knocked back a few steps. Using his lodging, Jaron leaned back to try and force the dragon on his back. Ciecro followed this move with a follow up with a head charge. The combined actions were enough to make Trishula fall on his back. Jaron leaped away in time to avoid getting crushed. Ciecro activated a dragon claw in his left hand and said to Jaron, “All-mach orb?”

            Jaron nodded, “It was the only way I could strengthen my move and get the crit to get through that damn defense of his.”

            “Jaron, Ciecro finish him!” Seliph shouted running towards the two.

            “Stay back,” Jaron shouted, causing the frog mon to stop in his tracks. Jaron looked at Ciecro and gave him a nod. Ciecro returned one as well turned towards the downed mon. He put his foot firmly on the wheezing Trishula and moved his Dragon Claw move to the haxorus’ neck.

            “Give up now,” Ciecro ordered. Trishula’s eyes were covered with ice.

            “Heh, so you children aren’t without wit,”

            “Shut it!” Ciecro harshly spoke.

            “Ciecro, he’s too dangerous,” Seliph shouted.

            “Stay out of this,” Jaron shouted again. Ciecro looked behind him at Seliph, with angry eyes. Trishula opened his mouth and fired an Incinerate at the charmeleon, the resulting heat melting the ice on his face. Ciecro was struck in the back and landed on the ground with a grunt. Jaron moved to fire an Ice Beam in retaliation, but was slammed away by Trishula’s tail as he jumped to his feet. Seliph threw two Water Shuriken at Trishula, who did a half twist backflip to evade. Seliph rushed up, drawing a Night Slash stick blade. He thrust it at Trishula, but it was forced down by Trishula’s claw.

            “Tell me, why come here?” he inquired, while Seliph struggled to get his move weapon freed.
            Seliph ignored the question. Trishula swiped at him with his other claw, but Seliph leaped away, letting the Night Slash disintegrate between the dragon’s claw.

            “Enough Norfarion,” Trishula in an annoyed tone, “It’s time I finally end this.” Trishula looked at the other fight going on and then back to Seliph. He raised his arms above his hand and clasped them together. He then pulled them in front of his mouth and tightened his nerves. A mix of blue and red energy covered him.

            “Dragon Dance‽” Seliph said and rushed at the mon, however Ciecro was already heading in for another slice. Trishula grinned as he broke the stance and caught Ceicro’s arm. Seliph stopped in shock as Trishula pulled Ciecro close and put his claw on the charmeleon’s face. A fiery red aura covered Trishula’s arm. Ciecro gave a painful cry.

            “Ciecro!” Seliph shouted rushing towards the vile haxorus. Trishula then spun Ciecro at Seliph, who caught him before he fell on his stomach.

            “Ciecro are you wounded?” Seliph asked with worry.

            “…ugh…uh..huh? Let go of me!” Ciecro shoved Seliph away and turned back toward the haxorus.

            “Hm…Blaze I see,” Trishula stated, “not useful to me right now, but not entirely pointless.”
            Seliph’s eyes widened, “You mean…”

            “So you’ve heard of the gift Schmarotzer.” Trishula finished for Seliph.

            “Shmarotzah?” Ciecro tried to repeat.

            Schmarotzer, Yverin for parasitic.” Seliph stated, “He’s basically sealed your ability and now has the ability’s effect.”

            “Wait so he’s got two abilities now‽” Jaron uttered, joining the two. Seliph nodded with a grim expression. This haxorus wasn’t going to go down easily and his brother’s allies were in trouble as well.

            I’ve got no choice…I’ll have to fall back with them…arceus, will this be day. Seliph turned to Jaron and asked, “Do you have anything for escaping?”

            “Of course I do. I have three,” Jaron snapped pulling out one of his escape orbs to prove it. Suddenly, Seliph snatched it. “Hey! That’s mine!” Jaron protested.

            “I have a plan to get out of here, but I’ll need an escape orb.”

            “Then use your own,” Jaron growled.

            “This is no time to arg- get down!” Seliph forced his brothers on their stomachs, barely avoiding a powerful Incinerate from Trishula.

            “Help them now!” Seliph ordered.

            “You’re not the boss of us,” Ciecro snapped. Jaron then pointed to the others. Jasmine and Dolly were struggling to counter the range attacks from the grunts.

            “They need your help now please,” Seliph begged. Jaron got up and headed over there, but not until giving Seliph a cold gaze. Ciecro soon followed. Seliph turned around and faced his opponent. Seliph then noticed the Averion crest on the haxorus’s arm.

            “Hm…so you’re an Averion. Ashamed of that heritage then that you’d stoop so low.” Seliph asked rhetorically.

            “You assume falsely. I take my heritage seriously. I just refuse to stay limited,” Trishula stated, “And you Seliph. I’m curious about your little interactions. Do you, by chance, know them?”

            “Now who’s assuming,” Seliph replied, keeping his normal tone to try and keep his secret safe.

            “You’re attitude will get killed someday. But I care not about details.”

            Trishula started another Dragon Dance. Seliph threw a Water Shuriken. Trishula took the blow to finish the buff. The dragon let out an exhale of content as he started to feel the effects.

            Seliph began backing away slowly, keeping two Night Slash kunai raised. Trishula walked after him at the same pace. Suddenly the dragon lunged forward. Seliph managed to block from being sliced by Trishula’s claw, but was pushed back a few feet. The dragon then lunged fiercely again. Seliph leaped over, just high enough to be out of Trishula’s reach. The dragon spun around and sliced again, cutting right through the landing frog.

            Substitute? Trishula realized, but it was too late. He was hit with a blast seed on the back, sending him on one knee. The dragon spun around to defend himself, but to his surprised Seliph was heading to the group.

            “About time!” Dolly shouted Seliph joined them.

            “Do it now!” Seliph ordered as he started throwing Water Shurikens at the incoming Trishula.

            Dolly nodded and raised one of the escape orbs up. Siegfried and Vex immediately threw their range moves in an attempt to stop them. They were canceled by Ciecro and Jaron’s moves. Trishula fired an incinerate, but Seliph threw a light screen orb down, creating a yellow wall in front. This wall weakened the attack enough for Jasmine to cancel it with a Bite. The escape orb began to activate and a blue pillar began forming around the group, but just as they were about to escape a black shockwave surged through the area. The orb stopped shining and turned shadowy blue, along with the blue pillar fading away.

            “What? But how?” Dolly shouted, looking at the orb. They group then saw Trishula holding a Disrupter Orb up high.

            “I told you. I cannot allow you to leave,” Trishula reminded them as he and the other two closed in.

            “Now what?” Jaron said in distress, “none of my orbs will work now.”

            “Good thing I have this,” Seliph said with a smile. He pulled out a pouch from one of his pockets and dropped an escape orb in his hands. Trishula flinched in surprise.

            “Toodles,” Seliph mocked with a smirk as the group were spirited away by another blue pillar.

            “No…no, no, no dammit you!” Trishula roared punching the ground over and over with his fists.

            “How the hell did they pull that off? They couldn’t use any orbs?” Vex stated, perplexed.

            “That greninja had it in a pouch…It must have kept it safe from our disrupter orb.”

            “Oh man,” Vex groaned in annoyance, “and we had a plan and everything.”

            “That son of a *****. They could be anywhere now and without any leads he could head anywhere without us knowing,” Trishula growled, finally relieving the ground from his punches, “They’ve got a head start. Come, we need to find out where they went…hm?”

            “What is it?” Siegfried asked, but was met with silence. Trishula then began to walk into the woods nearby. The two were about to follow, but were met with Trishula’s arm raised, telling them “no”. The dragon then disappeared into the forest and the two looked at each other.

            After going a ways, Trishula sat down and crossed his legs. He began to meditate. His breath became slow, his muscle relaxed and his mind clear. Words began to echo in his head.

            Lehrer,” he said out loud. His mind drifted back, “I need to be reminded.”

            ( O )

            A faint candle shined, showing the stone floor of the room. A thin haze was in the room, filling the place with the scent of spice. In the reach of the light, a fraxure bowed on one knee, facing the dark. His eyes were closed, his breathing faint and shaking slightly.

            Warum hast du angst?” a voice called in the dark. The fraxure’s eyes opened wide, surprised at hearing his home’s language.

            “Uh…um..teacher I…I almost..l-lost to it. I-It was … terrify-” the young dragon stammered.

            “You mean that you almost gave in to your weakness and thus allowed it to almost overcome you,” the voice said eerily. The fraxure began shaking faster now, his red eyes looking straight at the ground. The voice then asked again,

            Warum hast du angst?”

            The fraxure thought for a moment, then raised his head. “I fear … being caged. Becoming…trapped. It’s terrifies me.”

            “Trishula,” the voice called out, “why did you come to us?”

            Trishula’s shaking slowed down and his eyes gave a scowl. “I came, because I couldn’t stay the way I was. I wanted more from my life, but so long as I stayed I would always be another number.”

            “Your fear remains with you even still. You have been blessed with our eyes and yet you remain a frightened whelp.” The voice growled. Trishula once again quivered in fear. “Do you wish to conquer this? To become more?”

            “Y-yes teacher,” Trishula replied amid his heavy breathing.

            “Then look.”

            Trishula raised his head and stared into a pair of red eyes. The sight frightened him, but he couldn’t muster the nerve to look away. His nerves began to scream in his body, as if he was staring at an Yveltal.

            “Your fear makes you weak. I took in you as one of the red eyes, but I chose you specifically. Amid that weak bag of scales I saw something raw. I saw something that I could morph into something more.”

            Trishula’s red irises began to glow. His breathing slowed, his nerves calmed, and his eyes remained focused on the ones staring back at him.

            “Tell me Trishula,” the voice slithered, “will you give in to fear or will you let me morph you into something more? Remove those thoughts and memories from your mind and draw into yourself. Those that fail, become slaves to this gift of red eyes. You are teetering near the edge, correct?”

            Trishula answered with, “Yes….” Suddenly the eyes he stared at began to glow fiercely. The fraxure felt a mix of dread and pain in his head. He began to cry, but couldn’t look away.

            “You are teetering near the edge, correct?”

            Trishula was confused, horrified and in pain. He finally managed to speak, “No…I’m not … and…I’ll never!” The eyes stopped their glare and Trishula fell on the ground. He trembled from the mix of pain and fear he had just experienced. His eyes were open with tears still in them. His breathing froze however as he felt warm breath above him.

            “Never believe it can ever control you. If you find a problem and your emotions take over. Remember where you came from, else it will consume you in your proneness,” the creature above him said. The warmth from the voice landing on his neck. The fraxure tried to stop shaking, but merely slowed the
            motion down to slight jerking.

            “Remember why you left the sanctuary of your world in Averia and came here. Remember when you were given the ritual of a red eyed lord.”

            Trishula felt a slimy thing clamp on his neck. He felt teeth so it must have been a mouth. He closed his eyes and let out soft dragon whimpers. The teeth clamped more on his neck, not puncturing his scales but pinching down where they clamped.

            “You know how it feels to be alone. Now take that fear and despair and let it cover you. Don’t be the weakling, but the survivor. Tell me my young disciple, will you remain what you were? A lost fearful fletching?”

            Trishula's closed eyes were covered in tears, his breathing was amid whimpers and body was tense. The dragon took a breath and relaxed his muscles. He calmed his breathing to hide his fear and let his body and tail go limp. He was at the mercy of the creature above him. For what felt like an hour, the dragon laid there only trying to keep his breathing slow. The clamping on his neck was now starting to draw a little bit of blood. Suddenly it clamped harder, causing Trishula to yelp from the pain. His tail shot straight and his arms tensed, but he did his best to restrain his movements. It wasn’t long before he let himself go limp again, despite the biting on his neck.

            “Good my student,” the voice slithered with satisfaction, “do not let the self you were dictate your actions now. Focus your mind into your soul and remember all that you’ve done to come here. The feeling of when you became one of us and the powerless state you are in now.”

            The mouth released its grip, and Trishula began to breathe heavily. The fraxure then looked at the candle out of the corner of his half-closed eye. The light was dimming, giving way to the darkness to engulf the room. Trishula kept watching it until the light went out. Then his eyes closed and all was dark.

            < O >

            “……..y ….ay ..Vray. Yo, Vray wake up.”

            Vragon eyes shot open and he shot into a sitting position. He looked to see his smiling friend Jaron.

            “Good to see you’re awake.”

            “Jaron? What..huh! Wait Dolly! Is she‽”

            “I’m fine Vragon,” Dolly said walking in, “I’m more concerned about you, you little doctor. So how’s the head treating you?”

            “My head feels fuzzy, but other than that I’m just fatigued.” He answered.

            “Good, then get some rest friend,” Jaron said putting his arm on Vragon’s hand. Vragon nodded and let his head fall on the pillow stuffed with straw.

            Jaron got up and walked out, waiting till he was out to change to a worried face.

            “Jaron..” Vragon mumbled.

            “Hm? What about Jaron?” Dolly asked.

            “He’s going through a lot. I need to get done with resting so that I can-”

            “What do you mean? What’s wrong with Jaron?”

            Vragon sighed and began telling her about who the stranger was and what it meant that he was here.

            < O >

            Jaron watched the water flow under the bridge he leaned on. The water reflected the now cloudy sky along with his discouraged face. He then picked a rock from a pile he had sat next to him and dropped the little thing into the water.

            “Are you okay Jaron?” a voice came from his left. Jaron didn’t budge at all.

            “What do you want Seliph?”

            The frog sighed as he walked up and joined Jaron at the bridge’s railing. He looked up at the sky and lightheartedly said, “Good thing we got here in Vergium town, when we did. Looks like it’s going to rain.”

            He was met with silence. Seliph sighed. He then looked down at the water. He saw his face in the current. He looked a little to the right to see his younger brother’s face. His crimson eyes showing he was upset and Seliph had a good guess why. He raised his head and looked at Jaron with a grin.

            “You know … I saw one your little orb trinkets. I’m glad you’ve found such a skill in orb making,” Seliph praised.

            “Weapon making,” Jaron corrected with a cold tone.

            “Oh…well then I’m certain you’ve been putting that creative mind to good use then.” Jaron stayed silent. Seliph looked back at the water, thinking of something to say.

            “You’ve grown to a nice size and I see you’re in pretty good shape.”

            “Why are you here?” Jaron asked, not taking his eyes off the water. His tone, while not being hostile, wasn’t much more than a monotone.

            “I was after those Pokémon. The ones that attack us,” Seliph confessed.

            “So, they brought you here, hm. Well, it's thanks to your little hunt that Vragon needs an afternoon to rest.” Jaron accused passively.

            “I’m sorry I couldn’t confront them before they got to you. They are dangerous mons an-”

            “No s*** Seliph,” Jaron interrupted, still looking at the water.

            “Jaron…what were they after?” Seliph questioned. The croconaw’s eyes tensed at hearing this. Jaron kept his composure and his eyes at the water.

            “I don’t know…they didn’t say.”

            “Your absol friend told me they were after one of her friends.” Jaron’s eyes now displayed a scowl at the water. Seliph continued, “Your friend Vragon. Is there something abou-”

            “Shut up!” Jaron yelled slamming his right fist onto the railing.

            “Jaron please list-”

            “No, you listen!” the croconaw snapped, finally looking at his brother’s face, “I don’t give a damn on any reason why you came here nor what you’re up to, but I don’t need you to come here and bring your troubles with you.”

            Seliph let out a sigh and said, “Jaron, if they are after him you need to tell me. Please, the more I know, the better I can help.”

            “We didn’t ask for your help nor do we need it. I can keep him safe without you.”

            “Jaron, don’t beat around the bush. You know you would have lost if I hadn’t showed up.”

            These words set Jaron off. He formed a fist and raised it. Seliph readied to parry it, but to his surprise Jaron put it down. The gator gave a sigh, looked again to Seliph’s eyes and said,

            “I thank you for saving Vragon. But that’s all you deserve from me.” The croconaw then turned and walked away, his fists clenched and small tears forming in his angry eyes.

            Once the Pokémon was out of his sight Seliph sighed and returned his sight to the water. Small circles began to appear as it began to rain. He didn’t mind the water and merely stayed there pondering.

            I wish I didn’t have to come here. But if it’s that fraxure they have interest in I need to know why. It could be a good lead and it would put the mon out of current danger…I can’t let these feelings stop me now. I need to foc-…..Jaron…I’m sorry. You’ve matured greatly, but…I’m doing what I do for the your benefit. Ciecro’s and mine as well. I love you Jaron…even if you don’t believe that.

            Seliph left his post at the wooden bridge bar and headed towards the inn they all were staying at.


            Schmarotzer (Shmah-ruht-zar) – Yverin for the word “parasitic”.

            Parasitic – A gift. The user must make contact with the target. If it is made the user can then use this gift to absorbs the opponents ability while at the same time putting a canceling synergy in them, preventing their ability for a short period of time. The acquired ability is added to the user. The more abilities used by this, the more primed and acting upon instinct the mon becomes.

            Yverin (E-ver-in) – The language used by Averions, Yveshians, Drikamians, etc. Basically, any mons of Averion or Eastern Kalisié Pokémon.

            Lehrer (Leer-rrah) – Yverin for Teacher

            Warum hast du angst (Varrum-hahst- do ainst) - Why have you fear?/why are you scared?
              #35   Link to this post, but load the entire thread.  
            Old February 25th, 2018 (6:19 PM).
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            Bay Bay is offline
            Darkinium Z
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            Suddenly, he was grabbed and pressed firmly against the mon. The move shredded upon the two fiercely. When the move Vragon looked up to see Dolly squinting as if in sharp pain. She opened her eyes a and gave him a grin before falling to one knee, gritting her teeth.
            The bolded part here the two sentences sound awkward, maybe because you use "move" as noun and that tripped me over. The last sentence I would also suggest "She oepned her eyes and grin at him" as that sounds a bit more natural.

            Vragon became really frightened. He couldn’t win and the most he could do was run, but he couldn’t leave Dolly like this…but if he…
            I would have Vragon do some sort of body reaction to show that he was frightened.

            “Vray come on snap to it,” Dolly pleaded. Vragon’s eyes were squinting and his firsts were clenched. Vragon managed to say,

            “……h-hea….it…h-hurts.” Vragon’s began to squirm a little, clasping his from the headache he had acquired. Seeing no other option Dolly picked him up and put him over her shoulder.
            Bolded part I don't think you need since next dialogue you have Vragon speak. Also, I think you meant "Vragon's eyes"?

            After a few minutes of clashing Night Slash Kunai and Trishula’s powerful claws, the two locked.
            Lock what?

            Real quick, I noticed sometimes you would go like, "gave out a grin", "began backing away", "as he started throwing", etc. Usually when having lots of action like this chapter you want your verbs to be active, so you can go "grinned", "backed away", "as he threw" also.

            So, the second scene with Trishula, I take it this is from his past since you mentioned him being a fraxure? Hm, seems like there's a bigger foe here or just Trishula remembering of his mentor.

            “I thank you for saving Vragon. But that’s all you deserve from me.” The croconaw then turned and
            walked away. His fists clenched and small tears forming in his angry eyes.
            I would form into one sentence, like this:

            “I thank you for saving Vragon. But that’s all you deserve from me.” The croconaw then turned and walked away, his fists clenched and small tears forming in his angry eyes.

            But yeah, expected Jargon not taking Seliph's return kindly. Looks like Seliph has some work to do to regain his relationship with his brothers.

            "Meowth are all right. They don't care who you are or anything."
            Foul Play [Chapter Six up!]
              #36   Link to this post, but load the entire thread.  
            Old March 31st, 2018 (11:57 PM). Edited April 4th, 2018 by Vragon2.0.
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            Vragon2.0 Vragon2.0 is offline
            Say it with me (Vray-gun)
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              Chapter 17
              Heavy Drops

              Rain continuously struck the window in the storage room of the lodge the group were staying at. The lights were out, and the door was locked. Ciecro was on a collection of wooden crates, trying to go to sleep. His breathing was soft and his tail flame was dim. He began to toss around in the bed.


              He began rolling to his left. He managed to utter "Dad!" before falling off his bed and face planting the floor. He moaned as he rubbed his hurting snout. He sat up and leaned against the wooden crates. He stared at his tail’s flame, shining brighter now that he was awake. His eyes narrowed and his head fell slightly.

              Again…Dad… He sniffled. He looked at the window, watching the droplet of rain slide down the window. I…I don’t know what to do. He’s back and … I can’t let him bother me. But I just can't sleep. Ciecro’s eyes scowled as he became filled with conviction. I won’t let him intimidate me. I’m going to stronger than him. I’m going to be stronger than anybody like you dad.

              He stood up and walked to the window. He put his left claw on the cold glass of the window. A chill surged through him, but he brushed it off. He didn’t like cold or rain, but if he would ever put that “Fear” to rest, he’d have to be stronger. Strong enough to beat Seliph, and the bastards that killed his parents.

              He stormed up the cellar stairs and into the lobby. He didn’t stop until he was out the door and standing right in front of the rain. He stood there under the shelter over the door, staring at the rain. The rain was much more intimidating up close compared to rain in the window, causing him to shake slightly.

              “Come on, it’s just rain. You’ve been wet before and you’ve been fine.” He put out his arm into the rain. The rain felt like many soft pricks on his red scales.

              “Hmm…this isn’t so bad.” He stepped out further, letting his whole body be vulnerable to the rain. He closed his eyes and let the droplets hit his face. It didn’t take him long to get used to it.

              “Hey, this doesn’t feel bad at all-” He squealed before he finished upon feeling drops running down his tail. He jumped back under the shelter, overwhelmed by the uncomfortable feeling. After a few minutes of caressing his tail and calming his nerves, Ciecro mustered his nerve and once again stood up against the rain. He walked out again, leaving only his tail under the shelter, pointed up so the raindrop trickles wouldn’t reach the more water sensitive part.

              He slowly began to nudge further out into the rain, but stopped right before his tail would get wet. He gritted his teeth. He gave a roar as he rushed out into the elements. He hadn’t made it thirty seconds before breaking down and running back to the shelter, hyperventilating. Upon reaching the shelter, he grabbed the nob and twist. It didn’t move.

              “What the?” He looked to the window nearby to see the lights were out. He slowly began to freak out at the thought of him being locked out, with the rain no more than three feet from his tail. He began banging on the door, but to no avail. He sat down and laid his back against the window.

              “Dammit, why now? Ugh this sucks worse than Dolly’s jokes!” He curled up into a ball. Suddenly he heard splashing. He looked, hoping it was someone that could help, but to his dismay it was Seliph.

              “What are you doing outside?” He asked his scowling sibling. Ciecro paused for a minute to think if it would be worth the mockery of admitting being locked out or risk the alternative.

              He finally said, “I couldn’t sleep so I was going get some fresh air.”

              “…Fresh air?” Seliph repeated with a confused look. “It’s raining…something you really don’t like.”

              “Well maybe I’m used to rain now,” Ciecro snapped. “You wouldn’t know, so shut up.” Seliph’s following sigh just frustrated Ciecro more. He hated being treated like a kid. This was enough to shoot Ciecro to get away.

              “Yeah, well I’m going for a stroll.” Ciecro huffed standing up and facing the falling water.

              Seliph’s eyes widened. “But it’s raining.”

              “Then have fun in the dry space then, yah pansy.” The charmander stormed out into the rain, making splashes with his heavy steps. Seliph just stood there, eyes wide open, at this anti-Ciecro action.

              “O-okay,” Seliph said, going towards the door. He grabbed the nob and twisted it, only to find that it was locked. Seliph gave a little chuckle, “I was right about you Ciecro.” His smile faded though at Ciecro choosing his fear over merely asking him to help let him in. He used the key given to him and walked in, leaving the door unlocked and slightly open when Ciecro came back.

              < O >

              The sound of puddles splashing sang alongside the rain drops as Jaron walked in the rain, well more like stomped his way back. He was humming to himself, carrying a bag over his shoulder. The bag was soaked, his feet were muddy, his snout was dripping water and he was enjoying himself.

              “Man, this is a great storm,” He exclaimed with a smile and a twirl, “though I don’t want these parts to get too wet, else I might have to have Ciecro dry them with his tail or whatnot. Eh, it’ll give me something to do since I couldn’t sleep.”

              After in view of their current residing he noticed a small flame moving away from their lodgings. Upon squinting his eyes and covering them from the rain, he recognized his brother stomping away.

              “What the- Is he Primed or something?” Jaron began to pick up pace a little, not wanting alert Ciecro. He trailed Ciecro for a while till Ciecro stormed around a corner. As Jaron made his way around the corner, he was surprised to see his brother frantically scouring the area, looking for what Jaron assumed was a shelter. He felt a mix of sympathy and amusement in seeing the terrified look on his brother’s face as if he was in the middle of fear. After finishing his internal chuckling, Jaron walked over and tapped Ciecro on the shoulder, leading to Ciecro jumping about two feet high, or at least what looked like two feet high.

              “You wet Ciecro?” Jaron rhetorically asked with a smirk.

              “J-Jaron? What are you- Help me find a shelter or whatnot instead of making fun,” Ciecro snapped. Jaron sighed and gave Ciecro his bag.

              “Here, hold this.” Ciecro accepted the bag, waiting anxiously as Jaron looked around.

              “Ah there we go,” Jaron exclaimed, pointing to a bridge. “There’s probably shelter there. Come on.” Jaron began running towards it.

              “Wait for me!” Ciecro shouted, trying to keep up while attempting to use the bag as a rain cover for his tail. Upon arriving to the shelter Ciecro dove in, with Jaron giving a sigh as he joined him. The croconaw sat down next to his ball curled, tail rubbing brother and began looking through his bag.

              “Did you want to get a heart attack or something bro? I mean, it’s not like you to just stamper off into pouring rain, at all.”

              Ciecro just looked at his tail light and gave a grunt. Jaron wasn’t going to accept Ciecro’s lazy answer, “Tell me now. I’m legit worried that you’d do something so reckless for yourself.”

              The charmeleon sighed and looked at his brother, “I was trying to play piplup with Seliph.”

              Jaron gave an aggravated moan, “As silly as I think your fear of your tail getting wet is, until you deal with it I don’t suggest putting yourself out there just to raise your beak higher. I don’t need to dive into the water to save you when you fall on backwards into the drin-”

              “I know!” Ciecro snapped, earning a cold angry stare from Jaron. Ciecro looked at the grown with a scowl and quietly said, “sorry…”

              Jaron closed his eyes and rested his back against Ciecro’s right arm, “I know…I’m not happy he’s here either. It feels so unreal that he’s back and I’d be lying if I’d say I wasn’t a bit relieved to see he’s alive and all…but…he’s not the same anymore and all, you know.”

              “Yeah…” Ciecro agreed, “he ain’t the brother I looked up to.”

              “That we looked up to,” Jaron added.

              There was silent for a while, till Ciecro spoke up again, “Jaron.”


              “Do you…What do you think mom would want us to do?”

              Jaron got off Ciecro’s arm and crossed his legs. “I’m guessing give him a chance or whatever moral tauross*** she’d use." Jaron sighed. "‘course I can’t say she wouldn’t have a point as much as it annoys me to say that.”

              Ciecro let go of his tail and let it rest on the ground. He rested his arms on his knees and looked up at bridge above them. He gave a slight snarl.

              Jaron took noticed and turned to look at Ciecro, “The roof pissing you off?”

              “...Shut up Jaron.”

              “Give me a reason why you keep snarling and maybe I will,” Jaron countered with a smart-alecky tone. Ciecro brought his scowl down to Jaron.

              “I can snarl if I want to you little s***!”

              “And I can pester you till we get put in the dirt. Now drop Mr. maractus prick and talk about it. Sooner or later we’re going to have to decide what to do with him.” Ciecro and Jaron kept their angry gazes locked. Finally Jaron gave a sigh and rested his back against the dirt wall, crossed his arms, closed his eyes and gave a little huff. “Fine don’t talk about it. Keep running from the fact he intimidates you.”

              “He does not!” Ciecro shouted, furious by the accusation. Jaron just gave him a disbelieving look and a raised brow. Ciecro looked down and finally returned to his old position. “Fine…yeah I’m on edge cause of him…and it’s ‘cause I feel shrimpy to him.”

              Jaron gave a sigh and got out of his arrogant posture. He returned his back to Ciecro’s arm and said, “I know bro, which is why I want you to talk with me about it. I know we’ve had friction and all, but no matter how retarded you act I’ll still love you, yah jerk.”

              “…Same,” Ciecro said softly letting the stress out of his muscles. “Jaron, You and me ain’t kids anymore. We’ve made it far on our own and with our friends. I don’t…I don’t want him being here make me lose sight of that.” Jaron asked for elaboration. In an annoyed tone, Ciecro muttered, “He’s someone I’ve never been able to surpass. I didn’t mind when we three were together, ‘cause I looked up to him. But now I don’t and it’s just pissing me off. Like I need him to pick up slack or lacking's. He saved all of us back there and I was just as helpless like the rest.”

              “Well thanks,” Jaron said in a light hearted tone.

              “You know what I’m gettin’ at,” Ciecro muttered.

              “Heh, just fu***** with you bro,” Jaron confessed with a smile facing the rain, “Yeah…he did save our tails and all. It bothers me that so far he’s showed us up and in front of Jasmine, Dolly and Vragon.”

              “Tell me about it. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jaz teases me on that for a while,” Ciecro muttered, rubbing his right arm with his left.

              “I don’t see her doing that. She’s too nice in that regard. Not a jerk like you or me, heh.”

              “True Jaron.” Ciecro agreed with a grin. The two stayed silent for a while. The rain began to fall harder, making loud splashes on the soaked ground around them. However, neither of them seemed to notice. They were too lost in their own little memories of their times before and after that…incident.

              Jaron finally broke the silence as a though crossed his mind. “Hey bro,” A replying grunt came from the charmeleon. “You think we could ever go back to the old times.”

              “Whatch’ya mean?” Ciecro asked confused. He turned his head slightly towards Jaron to listen better, since now the rain had picked up.

              “Well…like you, me and Seliph. Being together again. Like we once were.”

              Ciecro gave a snort as he firmly said, “No!”

              “Yeah, I’m not too hopeful either. But…remember that time you and me kinda messed him up in training and he got mad and stormed off?”

              “The time we tried to make that thingy for him right?”

              “And he found us before we could finish,” Jaron said, starting to smile at the old memory.

              Ciecro replaced moved his right arm off Jaron’s back and rested his own back in the same spot. “What are yah getting at?” Ciecro inquired.

              “Maybe…we should give him a chance.” Ciecro tensed up at this sentence. Jaron felt the change and honestly couldn’t blame Ciecro. He even scoffed at the thought, but the more he pondered the more those memories came back. The memories he wanted to go back to.

              “By ‘give him a chance’ I mean don’t dismiss him outright. Like, wait and see what he does and all. Who knows, he might surprise us.”

              Ciecro looked down to his tail light. It was steady and dim. His eyes narrowed, his arms relaxed a little and he was calmer despite the sudden suggestion from Jaron. “Why bring this up? You’re mad at him like I am,” Ciecro asked.

              “Yeah, but if Seliph is one thing, it’s good intentioned. I can admit that. If there’s a chance we can make amends, you think we should try?”

              “I don’t know,” Ciecro admitted with a scowl, "I also think about what we were and long for it too yah know." Jaron nodded in concurrence. “I wanna go back to that. Where…mom, dad and Tethe were still…” Despite not seeing him, Jaron could easily tell Ciecro was wiping his eyes with his arm. Jaron leaned his head back, so it rested on Ciecro’s neck.

              “Yeah, I miss mom’s lectures, as long as they were and when uncle Tethe would visit us and when I’d hide from Seliph when he would have to come get me.”

              Ciecro gave a sniff before adding, “Or when dad would throw me in the air or carry us under his arms and spin. Or the training we’d have with him. If we trained till the sun started to set, then he’d carry us on his shoulders on our way home, telling us how to improve. We’d then hug his neck…and he’d laugh along with us…”

              The two stayed silent, lost in memories. Ciecro crossed his legs, putting his hands in the hole formed in the middle, while Jaron crossed his arms and looked at the bridge overhead.

              “Brother,” Jaron stated, Ciecro gave a nod to indicate he was listening, “we don’t have to forgive him or whatnot…But if he has changed then I want to have our brother back.” It took a second before Ciecro responded with a low “Yeah”.

              Jaron then added in a harder tone, “But he’ll need to show it. That we’re important to him in the right way again.”

              “…But if he…” Ciecro muttered, but suddenly shook his head. He turned his body causing Jaron to get off his neck. “No…I won’t think about it.”

              “About if he doesn’t come through?” Jaron asked, looking at the ground; he clenched a little bit of dirt in his claw.

              “If he…I don’t want to go through that again. When we were kids we cried and all, but…if he does then…” Ciecro got up and with a passionate and convicted tone exclaimed, “Then I’ll kick his ass out of our lives and be free from him for good. I won’t stop till I beat him and sever his fu***** grip on me.”

              “Yeah…” Jaron looked at his brother with a mix of sadness yet understanding. “I don’t want him to let us
              down. However ... if he does then beat the loving s*** out of him.”

              Ciecro gave Jaron a surprised look, not expecting this reaction from his more mature younger brother. Jaron got up and brushed some of the dirt off him and explained. “His actions back then were something I could never let go unless he returned. You can never truly kick someone out of your life till you actually do it you know. I don’t want it to come to that…but if it does. Do your worst.”

              Jaron gave a smile to the charmeleon who responded likewise. Ciecro then clenched his right fist and stared at it. His smile heightened a little, from the thought of him besting that greninja in a fight. “I’ll win for both of us if it comes to it and then we’ll move on with our lives. Forget about those bastards that wrecked our lives then and move on with our new ones.”

              “And if those goons are still after Vragon and our friends we’ll handle them our way,” Jaron added, “It’s about you, me and our friends. No Norfarion mission. no red eyes.”

              The two did a fist pump. Suddenly, Jaron hugged Ciecro’s neck. Ciecro hesitated for a second, before returning the hug.

              “Let’s take this slow with Seliph…alright? I want the prior option before the latter.”

              “Yeah…me too,” Ciecro admitted.

              Jaron then whispered, “Course that means we’re going to have to be calm about it and not pick a fight with him. Sure we don’t have to be nice, but you can’t just smack him for giving you a stare.”

              “I don’t do that,” Ciecro protested. “Though, I can’t promise I won’t get ticked if he talks down to me or gets bossy.” He added with a jesting tone.

              “Come on, you don’t like anyone doing that anyway, bonehead,” Jaron replied with a grin, “Just try and keep it at a low okay.”

              “Whatever, guess I’m just a rare kind of bonehead,” Ciecro boasted.

              “Was that supposed to be a pun? Cause that’s Dolly levels of bad.”

              “Her puns aren’t that bad.” Ciecro stated.

              “Well since when do you have a good sense of humor anywyas?” Jaron asked rhetorically. Ciecro grabbed Jaron’s head in a headlock and began to rub it. The two laughed till Jaron broke free from the affectionate torture. Jaron then sprayed the mud off him and followed up with spraying off Ciecro too. The charmeleon did his best not to squirm as Jaron cleaned him of too. Ciecro gave a shiver and a growl once his thirty second spray bath was done. His tail made a crackle as the fire lit up to its normal heat. Ciecro looked back at it and gave a boastful grin.

              “Come on hot tail, it’s still raining and I need to get these back. I’d race you back to our room, but I can safely assume you’d win.” Jaron teased.

              Ciecro gave a playful smack on Jaron’s shoulder. “Shut up you little squirt.” he said with a smile.

              Jaron rubbed his shoulder as he muttered, “Moron!”

              Ciecro crossed his arms and uttered, “Shrimp!”

              Jaron turned and with a teeth filled grin countered. “Doofus!”


              “Wanna be punk!”

              “Whiner, height minor!”

              “Rain coward!”

              “Techy heady!”

              The two went on for a while, playfully exchanging their most childish insults. Finally the two uttered in unison as they put their heads together, “Way to be immature bro!” They shared one more laugh before going out into the rain. Jaron boldly strolling and Ciecro running to get back to the shelter at the door.

              < O >

              Vragon stared at the window on the opposite side of the room, watching the window getting drenched by rain. He was still in the same bed he had woken up in. He felt fine now, but couldn’t sleep do to a multitude of thoughts running through his head. They varied from his past to his friend’s future with their brother here and it was driving him crazy. He laid on his back and stared at the ceiling and gave a frustrated moan.

              “So it’s gonna be one of those nights huh,” He said out loud. He threw off the covers and walked over to the window. He kept his eyes on the rain, pressed his head against the window and just stared outside in silence.

              First at my little house and now on the path. He muttered in his brain, what’s going on? Like…I can sorta piece they want something about me and all, but I don’t know what a Savoir is or who they are. I only know what Jaron told me about the red eyes and I don’t have my memories. So why am I a target?

              He suddenly heard a knock on his door. As he turned, the door slightly cracked with a voice talking through it, “Sorry, it’s me Seliph. May I come in?”

              Vragon hesitated at first from being startled, but assured it was alright, pulling out the desk. Seliph came in and got one of the stools. Vragon did the same and the two sat down, illuminated only by the dim light outside.

              “Can I help you with something?” Vragon asked.

              “Well,” Seliph began as he reached for something at his side. Vragon didn’t notice the greninja had brought something in. To his surprise and masked delight it was a chess board and a black box which the fraxure assumed held the pieces. “You see I’m having trouble sleeping and from what I’ve heard from your absol friend you are a skilled in this game. Would you play a game with me?”

              “Um, isn’t it a little late and all?” Vragon pointed out.

              “Well we both are having trouble sleeping, correct?” Seliph asked, and Vragon nodded. “Then it’d be better than just watching rain slide down a window. Plus I’d like to get to know one of my brother’s friends.”

              Vragon smiled at the unintentional truth of Seliph’s point, yet felt unsure in doing this. He loved playing chess and it was safe to assume that Seliph would give him a good match, but what would Jaron think? The fraxure’s left claw, began rubbing his right arm.

              Seliph figured the fraxure was conflicted and he had a good theory on why. Hmm guess it won’t be so easy. Seliph then said in a lighthearted tone, “Tell me um…dang it, this is pretty embarrassing, but I believe I don’t have your name placed.” Seliph lied.

              “It’s Vragon,”

              “Vragon eh?” Seliph repeated, putting his posture into a thinking position. His bait seemed to work as Vragon’s face changed to interest. “I can’t place it, but that name seems interesting.”

              “What do you mean?” the fraxure inquired, going back to his old position.

              “Well, in my travels I’ve been to other continents and well some of the name dialects and popular name choices vary you know.”

              “Yeeaahhhh?” Vragon agreed, in a mix of interest and slight suspicion.

              “Vray, how do you spell your name?”


              “Oh so you don’t use a ‘y’” Seliph inquired, gaining the info he wanted.

              “Uh, no I don’t. It’s weird since it’s something I know downright to be true and because of that it throws everyone off at least once.” Vragon joked with a laugh at the end.

              “Something you know?” Seliph repeated, picking up the board and placing it on the table. Vragon froze. He shouldn’t have mentioned hints to his amnesia, but it was too late now.

              “Uh well um…I kinda don’t certain things.” Vragon explained, trying to control the leak of info about his amnesia.

              “Don't worry, I'm aware you are amnesiac." Seliph said bluntly.

              Vragon's head fell a little as he began to weakly laugh. "Jasmine?"

              "Yes it was the absol" Seliph confirmed, "Hm…well, maybe I can help you with some stuff to jog your memory on it.”

              “How could you do that?” Vragon asked, raising a brow out of scepticism.

              “Well I might know something and say it, and that could jog something in your memory.” Seliph hoped this answer wasn’t too weak and Vragon would go along with it anyways.

              To Seliph’s dismay Vragon didn’t see it as enough, so it was plan B. Seliph began picking up the pieces and said, “Well, from what I gather your name with the “ay” for just the letter ‘a’ sounds to be from a different continent than here in Triacal.”

              “Yeah, I kinda figured that,” Vragon stated, trying to not be rude with his bluntness.

              “Perhaps Kalisié or Winthrobax origin.”

              “You think so?” Vragon asked, hoping for more to bank on. Seliph merely shrugged. The fraxure’s head fell.

              “But don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll find something,” Seliph encouraged, “now I’d like to see how you play. They say you can tell things about a person by how they play.”

              Vragon still felt deterred from playing, but reasoned that one game wouldn’t hurt. Plus it would also be a good chance to learn about this “sibling” of Jaron. Vragon gave a nod and the two started.
              Vragon was white dragonite and Seliph was black salamance. Vragon stared at the board, pondering what to do. Reasoning that right now it’d be a good idea to get Seliph’s style before making a counter, Vragon did the generic play of middle pawn in front of king moved forward two spaces. The fraxure watched carefully at Seliph’s arm movement and time taking as he played the same play as Vragon.

              Hmm…mirror perhaps Vragon took a second to look at Seliph’s face out of the corner of his eyes. He noticed the greninja’s gaze was firmly on his side and from his guess it was on his gardevoir queen. Kay so he’s thinking ahead too. I’ll need to wait a few turns before I can safely assess a proper call on his plan. For now I think I’ll work on setting up a potential play or lead off.

              Vragon took one of his Slowking bishops and moved it to C4. Seliph responded with a Bisharp knight to F6. Vragon began thinking of possible set ups when Seliph asked him something, “Am I’m making you nervous?” Vragon looked up in confusion, till he deduced Seliph meant general and not the game.

              “Um..well no,” Vragon stated.

              “Did my brother tell you not to talk with me?” Seliph asked.

              “He didn’t,” Vragon said straight to Seliph’s face.

              “But I’m sure his descriptions haven’t painted me in a good shade I’d assume.” Vragon looked down at the board and moved a pawn to B3. Seliph continued, “So tell me, what do you think about me?”

              Vragon stayed silent for a while, collecting his words. “Well…I can’t say I don’t trust Jaron immensely, but even I will say he isn’t perfect at discernment.”

              “So then it’s fair for me to ask you judge me on how you see me?” Seliph said as he moved a pawn to H5. Vragon looked at Seliph and gave a nod, “Fair enough.”

              “I appreciate you giving me clemency from what you’ve been told.”

              “Don’t get me wrong. I still don’t approve of what you put Jaron and Ciecro through,” Vragon sternly said, but then looked at the board with a reflective gaze, “but I can’t deny I wouldn’t have met them if it wasn’t for that. Not to mention, I prefer to make judgements and assertions for myself.”

              “You seem to be a mon of sincerity and fairness. I appreciate that.”

              “I can’t say I’m being fair now and all, but I can at least let you have a say.”

              “But let’s save that for another time. I still want to see this skill I hear about.” Vragon gave a competitive nod and the two resumed. It was a few hours later that Seliph found himself having trouble keeping up with his opponent. However, he managed to spot a possible path to a good set up, however from what he’d seen he couldn’t afford to be hasty. He made his move slowly, trying to give off an unsure vibe.

              “I wasn’t expecting you to be this skilled.” Seliph complimented, trying to give off a false sense of uncertainty.

              Vragon looked at him in the face and gave a nod. He then continued, “Thanks, so tell me Seliph, you have a plan or something?”

              Seliph winced for a second at this and finally replied with, “I’ll manage.”

              The two returned to the board. Seliph grew suspicious of the sincerity of Vragon's question. Did he bait me? If he did then I’m sure my response was good enough and even if he guessed right that I had a plan it’d be hard for him to spot it with this few pieces.

              Vragon stared at the board for a second, then picked up his Gardevoir Queen and placed it on F4, cutting off the safe play for Seliph. Seliph was completely blown away by the move.

              “I believe I called it.” Vragon replied with a smile, confident he caught Seliph in the act.

              “Uh…well I’m impressed. How did you?”

              “Well I assessed you weren’t a mon that would let being backed into a corner catch him off-guard, so I figured your play was no doubt fake. Now there was just the matter of your pieces, so I studied them for a little and came up with the plausible moves you could make. So I took the move that would cover most of your options and I luckily one of the plays I countered was your intended one.”

              Seliph’s tongue flopped from his neck and hit the floor due to his sheer puzzlement at this impressive strategic play. Seliph looked at the board and could definitely tell he’d never get another chance at such a play.

              “I surrender Vragon. I can’t make a comeback against you.” Seliph congratulated, as he knocked his Salamance king onto its side with a finger. Vragon gave a nod and the two shook hands. Seliph then asked where the fraxure learned how to play chess from.

              “I don’t know honestly. I assume it was sometime in my past and I don’t remember it.”

              “So forgetting the lesson, but still having the effects then correct?” Seliph clarified.

              “Yeah...” Vragon’s head fell slightly. Seliph took notice of this and a possible idea.

              “Vragon, have you tried doing a Soul Link to find memories?”

              Vragon gave a nod, “With both Ciecro and Jaron, but to no avail. All I see is some of their memories and they only see memories they’ve had with me. Essentially, since I don’t have a memory of anything before I was found-”

              “Would you like to try it with me?” Seliph suddenly suggested. Vragon looked up confused by this sudden request. Seliph then elaborated. “Well perhaps you could think of your skills in chess and maybe a memory would surface or something. I can’t say it’ll work, but it is possible something might pop up if we both focus on that specific topic.”

              “I suppose,” Vragon agreed timidly, “but are you sure. What if I see something in your memories?”

              “You won’t see anything too abhorrent or whatnot. Just tell me what you see and I’ll tell you what I see.”
              Seliph held out his right palm out to the fraxure and he smiled a calming smile. Vragon slowly reached and clasped his hand into Seliphs.

              “Ready?” Vragon asked, to which Seliph nodded. They closed their eyes and let the psyche linking take effect.


              To play piplup – it is essentially to play chicken or do something till the other cowards out.

              Soul Link – A special power originals have among others of their kind. Clans can form a mental link with others using touch as a base connection and their souls will merge into each other’s minds. The process of this takes a few seconds in real time, but the mons will be stuck in a dream like status during it. Things that the mon could experience can range from a simple sound to actually being in a scene of a memory. If the clansmons have a strong connection or bond a variety of more effects can happen.
                #37   Link to this post, but load the entire thread.  
              Old April 3rd, 2018 (7:42 PM). Edited April 3rd, 2018 by Bay.
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              Bay Bay is offline
              Darkinium Z
              Join Date: May 2006
              Location: Dani California
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              Nature: Sassy
              Posts: 5,429
              Before I get to the main story stuff, I noticed several grammar mistakes, mainly the dilaogue puncutaion. I'll pinpoint a few examples, and then explain overall how to correct those.

              “Well maybe I’m used to rain now,” Ciecro snapped, “You wouldn’t know, so shut up,” Seliph’s following sigh just frustrated Ciecro more. He hated being treated like a kid. This was enough to shoot Ciecro to get away.
              The way you punctuated this is weird. Since you have snapped as a dilaogue tag, usually there would be a peirod than a comma. Also, the "You wouldn't know" line should be a peirod not a sigh. I would write this part like this:

              “Well maybe I’m used to rain now,” Ciecro snapped. “You wouldn’t know, so shut up.” Seliph’s following sigh just frustrated Ciecro more. He hated being treated like a kid. This was enough to shoot Ciecro to get away.

              “Ah there we go,” Jaron exclaimed, pointing to a bridge, “There’s probably shelter there. Come on,” Jaron began running towards it.
              There should be a period after bridge, and another period after the "Comee on" line since you didn't follow up with a dialogue tag, like this:

              “Ah there we go,” Jaron exclaimed, pointing to a bridge. “There’s probably shelter there. Come on.” Jaron began running towards it.

              There was silent for a while, till Ciecro spoke up again, “Jaron,”
              Period after Jaron since you didn't follow up with a dialogue tag.

              Jaron got off Ciecro’s arm and crossed his legs, “I’m guessing give him a chance or whatever moral tauross*** she’d use. *Sigh* ‘course I can’t say she wouldn’t have a point as much as it annoys me to say that.”
              This is written weird, mainly the *Sigh" there. Also there should be a period after "crossed his legs" there. Maybe like this:

              Jaron got off Ciecro’s arm and crossed his legs. “I’m guessing give him a chance or whatever moral tauross*** she’d use." Jaron sighed. "‘course I can’t say she wouldn’t have a point as much as it annoys me to say that.”

              Jaron rubbed his shoulder as he muttered, “Moron”

              Ciecro crossed his arms and uttered, “Shrimp”

              Jaron turned and with a teeth filled grin countered. “Doofus”


              “Wanna be punk”

              “Whiner, height minor”

              “Rain coward”

              “Techy heady”
              This part you're missing puncutation in those quotes. Maybe an exclimation point after each one.

              “Um, isn’t it a little late and all?” Vragon pointed out.

              “Well we both are having trouble sleeping, correct?” Vragon nodded, “then it’d be better than just watching rain slide down a window. Plus I’d like to get to know one of my brother’s friends.”
              Bolded part seems weird, as it seems as if Vragon's speaking when it's Seliph. I would have it like:

              “Well we both are having trouble sleeping, correct?” Seliph asked, and Vragon nodded. “Then it’d be better than just watching rain slide down a window. Plus I’d like to get to know one of my brother’s friends.”

              Ok, so I won't poinpoint every dialogue puncutation mistake so I'll do a quick lecture here. With dialog puncutation, it really depends if you follow up before or after a dialog tag (he said, she said, he asked, she replied) or not. When follow up before or after a dialog tag, then you use a comma.

              Jack shook his head and said, "All right, let's go."

              "Let's go," Jack said and made a dash for it.

              If you're not going to follow with a dialoge tag and instead go straight to dialog, then a period after the dialog.

              Jack shook his head. "All right, let's go. [Noticed here shook his head isn't a dialogue tag, hence the period]

              "All right, let's go." Jack rose out of his chair and left the room.

              One last thing, if you want to have action first and then dialogue tag or vice versa, you can.

              "All right, let's go," Jack said and made a dash for it. Ten minutes until midnight, so he needed to go there fast.

              "Jack shook his head and said, "All right, let's go." He made a dash for it. Ten minutes until midnight, so he needed to go there fast.

              So yeah, noticed in some instances you got the punctuation right, but in other instances you haven't and I think a lot of it has to do with your dialog having a dialog tag or not. Hope this makes sense! I only scratched the surface, so if you want to familiar yourself with more advanced dialogue punctuation, I would google and check various grammar sites on that.

              Okay, with grammar stuff out of the way, onto the chapter. I admit to not having too much thoughts as this is more of a lull chapter, which isn't a bad thing considering how much the characters went though the past few chapters. It was sweet Jaron and Ciecro reminiscing some memories with their family. While I get they're hurt Seliph wasn't there for them and can understand why they won't hesitant to kick him out if it comes to that, I guess to me the prospect of that happening will be sad.

              I admit to being very rusty on chess rules so I don't have much thoughts on the strategic side of it, but chess always seems like a nice way to pass time and converse there. Understandable Vragon wants to make his own judgement on Seliph, and I'm curious what results will bring out from that Soul Link there. Still looking forward to what comes next!

              "Meowth are all right. They don't care who you are or anything."
              Foul Play [Chapter Six up!]
                #38   Link to this post, but load the entire thread.  
              Old April 12th, 2018 (7:19 PM). Edited April 12th, 2018 by Vragon2.0.
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              Vragon2.0 Vragon2.0 is offline
              Say it with me (Vray-gun)
                Join Date: Mar 2018
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                Chapter 18

                Vragon slowly opened his eyes, seeing only darkness above him. He was lying down in what felt like a grassy field, even though he couldnt really see far. He slowly got up as he rubbed his head and looked around. Nothing but pitch black everywhere, save for a four feet radius circle encompassing him.

                Hmgrass, but its still dark. Guess its because our connection isnt strong if existent, Vragon muttered to himself, Normally Id get a full memory image, even with Ciecro. Well, hopefully what I see wont be that memory.

                Suddenly he heard the sound of grass rustling behind him. He turned around and spotted a little froakie hoping his way through a newly lit patch of grass about ten feet from his circle. Vragon faced the Pokmon and watched the memory play out for him.

                So thats Seliph, when he was younger, I assume. Heh, hes kinda a cute little guy. Upon closer inspection, Vragon noticed something the little frog looked upset. The frog kept hoping till he came to what appeared to be the edge of the pond. He scowled at the water and gave the reflection a little slap. Vragon slowly walked closer, to the edge of the circle, to get a closer look. He managed to hear the Pokmon mumbled words to himself. Vragon tried stepping out of the circle, but was stopped by an invisible barrier. Vragon sighed and said out loud, Dang, looks like a mental barrier or something, at least I have ample space. Still I wonder what this mem- He was interrupted, by a voice. A female voice.


                Vragon jumped from being startled, as did the little mon by the pond. Unlike the little frog Vragon didnt know who this mon was and couldnt see the mon in the empty darkness.

                Crap! little Seliph shouted as he tried to dive into the pond. However, at the speed a lycanroc on Accelrock, a claw nabbed Seliphs right leg before he made it into the water.

                Vragons jaw dropped in awe. The mon stepped in closer, revealing a female charizard. She was thin but well-built and strong. Vragon was left dumbstruck at the sight, then suddenly snapped out of his stare when he heard Seliph say, Mom!

                Listen, we need to talk.

                I dont want to! Its bad enough we have Ciecro, now you and dad want another!

                Listen Seliph, eavesdropping isnt befitting for a son of mine, The mother scolded.

                Seliph squirmed in her grip and shouted, I dont care! Why do you need another kid anyway? I dont want another sibling! The frog crossed his arms and pouted while being held upside down.

                Despite feeling a little awkward at the personal scene in front of him, Vragon however was interested in watching this play out. He sat down on the grass, spread his legs, used his claws to keep him proper up and focused on the parent and her kid.

                Seliph, why dont you want another sibling? You didnt mind when Ciecro was an egg and while I understand its frustrating for you hes still only a two year old. Seliph didnt answer, but kept his defiant upside-down posture. The charizard sighed. She set the mon down and put a claw on his shoulder. Seliph I understand it might be hard, with how Ciecro is getting a lot of attention and now with our plans for another, but youre still our little froakie too. Youll be the oldest and theyll look up to you. Itll be hard, but having siblings wont be that bad.

                Seliph remained unconvinced. Vragon started to feel slightly bad for the charizard mother. Freya then picked up the froakie by his pits and said with a little smile, You know I was kinda like you when my parents had your uncle.

                You mean Tethe? Seliph asked, and the charizard nodded.

                Vragons eyes widened, his tail grew stiff, and he leaned forward. I didnt know Jaron and Ciecro had an Uncle. He thought to himself as the mother began explain her similar experience.

                You know, when your uncle was about Ciecros age, I was jealous because he was getting all the focus from my parents. From the looks of him, he seemed really clumsy and silly. He made all the adults laugh, which was probably the most annoying thing back then.

                Sounds awful, Seliph commented as Freya put him on her left shoulder, holding him on with her wing.

                It was. I detested his presence, whenever he got all the focus. My parents began to ignore me and I blamed him for it. He was always their little prodigy, after all.

                He was? Seliph asked.

                Yeah, you never met your grandfather, but he was a very strict blaziken, who always wanted a son. So when your uncle was born, he instantly favored him over me. That little punk came along and ruined whatever chance I had with your grandfather, Freya said, her eyes growing soft as she recalled how it felt back then. Seliphs head started to sink at him being the cause for a troubling memory coming back to her. Vragon began to feel uncomfortable as well. Then Freya smiled and looked at Seliph. But you know, something happened that changed my mind about him.

                What? the froakie asked. Vragon leaned in closer.

                Well, when your uncle got a little older, he started to want to do things with me. He always wanted to go with me and he looked up to me. Which is ironic since I didnt like him and kept trying to avoid him. However, as he kept on trying to bond with me and I kept pushing him away, I started to think. Id always see your grandfather praise him or give him attention, but my brother would always compliment me more. Saying how when hed get older, hed want to be tough like me. Or how I was The best sister ever. I looked into myself and decided to actually let him in a little. While he was clumsy and stupid at times, he somehow found ways to make me laugh and happy. I slowly began to realize that he was a sibling I could enjoy and be happy with, and thus he won me over.

                Seliphs head fell a little, feeling rather guilty from his mothers story. However, to his surprise, Freya picked up and set him back on the grass. She put her claw on his little head and rubbed it softly. She then said with an endearing smile, I never want you to feel unloved or loved less than your siblings. Your father and I will always care for you and while we arent perfect, we want to be parents you can feel love from. Ciecro might be annoying to you now and your newer brother on the way, but if you give them a chance Im sure youll find something there you can like. Id love for you three to form a strong bond.

                Seliph had a few tears, but let out a smile. He hugged his moms snout. Vragon started to wipe some tears from a newly formed smile. He stared at the scene of Seliph being nuzzled by his mom. The smile on the froakies face grew, but Vragons smile slowly faded. A feeling of longing landed into his heart. His head fell.

                I wonder what my mom was like. Did she nuzzle me like that too?... The fraxure let out a little sniffle. I dont even know who she was Vragon gave another look at the two then finally got up and turned around. He wiped the tears away and looked up at the darkness above him. What happened to me?

                Suddenly, a sharp pain hit his head. He fell on his knee as he groaned, Is it over already? He hit the ground and squirmed a little. He began to lose consciousness as the little visual of grass on his face slowly faded.

                < O >

                Seliph opened his eyes to nothing but darkness. He looked below him, only to see the same darkness. It was if he was in an abyss, where no light could enter. He stood up and began feeling the foundation he stood on.

                Seems solid enough, he said to himself, hmmmaybe the connection isnt strong enough for a memory, or perhaps its buried deeper. Well I should see if I can find something before the link ends. Seliph picked some random direction in the darkness and began walking down the path. During his walk, he suddenly noticed a small, dark blue light coming from his left.

                Huh? A blue lightis it coming from a door? Seliph walked towards the light shining through what appeared to be a door slit. He was about ten feet away when he stopped approaching upon hearing voices.

                Alright, now just relax, a deep voice softly commanded from behind the doors silhouette.

                How long do I have to be like this? Seliphs eyes widened as he heard Vragons voice, though it sounded younger. At least pre-adolescence, he reasoned.

                Is this a memory? Seliph slowly approached the light again and the voices continued.

                Not long, son. It might hurt a bit, but dont worry Ill be right- The voices were cut out along with the light. Seliph was left in darkness.

                What? No, dont stop now! he exclaimed running to where the light once was. After determining it was gone for good, Seliph sat down and groaned in agitation. Some more info or something would have been helpful.

                He browsed the area, merely waiting for the link to end. Suddenly he felt heat from behind him. He quickly turned and his eyes were met by fierce solid blue ones barely a foot away. Seliph immediately fell backwards in surprise. Instead of hitting the invisible ground, he just kept freefalling. He couldnt see any walls during his freefall into the empty void. His head started to hurt as he fell. He let out a shout from the pain as the link was beginning to end. As his falling speed increased, he began to lose consciousness as the link was wearing off. He managed to look up one last time. He saw a silhouette with a faint blue outline of aura and fierce, solid light blue eyes staring at him as he fell. He didnt get enough time to see the image as he fell and lost his consciousness.

                < O >

                Seliph woke up and jerked backward, his mind still thinking he was falling. He landed on the floor and moaned from the newly added pain to his already hurting head.

                Vragon on the other hand, had a slight migraine upon waking up. He rubbed his head for a second before realizing Seliph had tumbled out of his seat. Seliph, are you alright? Vragon asked, rushing over to help him up. Seliph declined the hand with respect and picked himself up.

                Well, that was certainly something, Seliph said in an annoyed tone as he rolled his neck. Vragon tried to avoid asking the obvious question, but finally caved to his curiosity.

                Did you see anything? he asked as his interest peaked. Seliph gave a nod.

                I saw, he said and paused for a second. Vragon tilted his head in confusion, not sure why he stopped.

                Seliph then let a cough out and said, Sorry, I saw a faint blue light and I heard voices.

                Really? Jaron nor Ciecro saw anything like that when doing it with me. Anything else?

                One of them was you, but you sounded younger. The other called youson

                That one word sent chills down Vragons spine. His eyes widened immensely, he started to shake a little. Seliph was about to ask if he was okay, but was bombarded by questions from Vragon.

                Im sorry, I didnt see either of you, Seliph confessed, after finally getting Vragon to calm down.

                Oh I see, sorry about that, heh. Vragon rubbed his fraxure curve on his head and weakly laughed. Seliph nodded, indicating it was alright. is there anything else? the fraxure inquired.

                Seliph paused for a bit, gave another cough and shook his head. Vragons eyes shifted from excitement to disappointment and his head fell a little. Seliph put a hand on Vragons shoulder and said, Im sorry I didnt see anything more or hear anything else. I hope this wasnt too much of a-

                Oh no its fine, Vragon assured hastily. The fact you saw something different is awesome. Perhaps, later we can try again, if you would be okay with that.

                I dont see why not, Seliph said with a chuckle. Vragon thanked the greninja and the two shook hands. Seliph then put up the chess set and began to head out. Before he left he asked, What did you see in my memories?

                A scene from your childhood. It was when Ciecro was little and Jaron wasnt born yet. You were upset about all this and-

                Oh that, Seliph exclaimed beginning to blush from embarrassment. Yes, I was quite the selfish child before Jaron came along.

                Vragon gave a nod, not wanting to push for more since Seliph looked uncomfortable. Seliph began to head out, but not before Vragon gave one last sincere, Thank you again Seliph. It means a lot that I made a new little bit of headway.

                Oh..uhmyoure welcome, Seliph said with a slight stutter as he walked out, leaving the fraxure alone with his thoughts and impressions. Vragon shut the door, but kept his claw on the nob. To think all this happened in such a short time. He looked at the window, at the rain trickling down. So I did know my dadbut who was he?

                Vragon wearily walked over to his bed and sat down. Despite this amazing news, he didnt feel much better. If anything, knowing that he had known his dad just frustrated him more. Why cant I freaking remember him? he shouted in his head, And what about my mom? Who was she? Where are they both?
                He face planted onto the bed and began to moan his agitation into the straw stuffed pillow.

                < O >

                A dim candle was lit in Seliphs room as the greninja was reading over some old notes he had taken. The rain had picked up since his interaction with Vragon, but he didnt mind. He was so engrossed in coming up with a sound explanation for why the red eyes were after this fraxure as well as what he saw. After thirty minutes that amounted to no hypothesis, Seliph gave an aggravated groan and shut his notebook.

                I dont have enough information, he said to himself as he placed the book on the desk. He got up and paced back and forth. Lets see, what do I know? Well for starters hes an amnesiac, which implies something about his past could relate to the red eyes or something theyre after. Secondly, hes an Averion, which arent really found on Triacal except for trade or immigration. From what Ive gathered from their absol friend, Vragon had been in the town for about five years and I gather hes around Jarons age if not a little younger. But even with this knowledge I still dont know what the link could be. Theres too many ifs and not enough bases. Suddenly he stopped. A thought struck his mind. That being in him. It had blue eyes. There was a blue light with those voiceswere they the same memory, or something else?

                Seliph hurried back to his desk and looked deep into his notes. For hours it seemed, Seliph looked into whatever info he had, trying to find some connection to Blue Eyes. However, he didnt have the needed materials. He let out a sigh as he slouched in his chair, still at square one. I need more information, but how do I get some? He crossed his left leg over his right, rested his head on his right arm and thought. Finally a plausible solution came. I know! He exclaimed in his head as he jumped from his chair, Ill take them to the library in a nearby town. Maybe I can find something.

                Seliph looked at a map he had picked up in his travels and searched for a spot. After browsing the continent Triacal for a little bit, his eyes came upon a worthy candidate. Frantal Townits not far. If those mons are still searching, Id best be preparedhm

                Seliph debated in his head. He needed to go to the library, but those mons could be there and have reinforcements. He finally came to a conclusion. He pulled out a badge, a Norfarion badge. He pressed the ruby jewel in the middle, causing a red hologram to pop up. After pressing a few things, Norfarion text appeared asking for a name and code.

                Seliph cleared his throat and said, Seliph, code: pi in the sin of a unit circle results in a zero tolerance and therefore a simple false of an answer.

                It accepted the passcode and asked who hed like to send a message to. He took a deep breath, then replied with, Team Alpha members: Swift and Garon. Status: Urgent.

                < O >

                Darkness loomed in an alley near the diner. The rain was heavy and the moonlight was obscured. In the middle of this darkness a pair of red eyes stared at the wall opposite of him. Trishulas arms were crossed, his back rested against the wall and stood unflinching in the rain. He slightly turned his head as the shadow of Vex slid along the wall.

                Anything? he inquired the ghost in the wall.

                Sadly no. It appears they didnt come back here. We called it wrong, Vex answered with frustration in his tone, as he phased out of the wall.

                Trishula slammed a clenched fist on the wall to his left. Vex didnt flinch from this, beginning to get used to these acts from his superior.

                Maybe Siegfried found something, he encouraged.

                The dragon gave an exhale and returned to his position. If we dont find them tonight, then there is the high chance that they will move out, making it that much harder to find them. The two went silent, waiting for Siegfrieds check in. During the wait, Trishula suddenly asked, Who was your teacher?

                Vex gave the haxorus a surprised look, not expecting Trishula to have interest let alone ask him a personal question. After snapping out of his perplexed state he replied with, Umme and Siegfried had Corivac.

                Him? Trishula stated, raising a brow. No wonder your abilities are lacking.

                Vex didnt try to protest since he couldnt disagree. Vex then inquired Trishulas red eyes teacher. The dragon paused for a second, before replying with, Azazel.

                Azazel? Vex repeated with a start. You had him as a master? But isnt he second in command of the red eyes?

                YesAzazel is my master, Trishula confirmed.

                Vex gave a little scowl as he joined Trishula on the wall. Lucky, he muttered under his breath, expecting a negative response or an intimidating scowl. To his surprise, Trishula replied with a nod. Curious, Vex asked, I heard hes rather well

                Mysterious, malevolent, cunning perhaps sadistic even? Trishula guessed. Vex looked at him and nodded.

                The ghost then asked, Whats he like?

                Trishula clenched one of his fists tightly and his red eyes narrowed. His methods would break a normal mon. I should knowhe broke me.

                Vex gave a skeptical look. Trishula continued, He isnt like other red eyes that take on acolytes. His methods are brutal; methods that are meant to destroy you for the purpose of creating you into something else. I was a weak mon when he took me under his wingand that mon was changed.

       Vex tried to get the words out, but Trishula beat him.

                Mentally tortured meyes. I dont fear anything nownothing save for him.

                Vex shuttered as he imagined the activities this haxorus could be talking about. Suddenly he heard a noise come from his pouch. He opened it and pulled out his communication orb, Trishula did the same.

                Report, the dragon stated into the blue sphere.

                No luck. A voice came from inside the orb. Ive mentally read many of the townsfolk here and no one has seen them recently or at least after our confrontation with them. If they were hiding here or whatnot, no one knows about it. I havent even found a lead in regards to where theyve gone.

                Trishula gave a low growl and asked Siegfried if there was more. There is. The voice continued. I managed to get some background info from this mon named Dresha. She appears to have met Seliph before and get this. The croconaw and charmander we fought are his two younger brothers.

                What? Trishula and Vex said in unison.

                But according to Plageuess report there werent any survivors save for him, Vex said.

                Trishula gave a slight snarl and said, Apparently the report was inaccurate, or the gallades skills are less than what he makes the out.

                I assure you, all I say was in her thoughts, Siegfried voice stated from the orb.

                Vex gave a dark smile and said, So we have something now. Man Plageues is going to be pissed when he finds out that Seliph has siblings.

                Only for a little while, Trishula corrected, I wouldnt put it past the laughing deviant to seeing it as destiny rewarding him with more toys. But regardless, this news is important. The dragon returned his gaze to the orb and commanded, Meet us at the hill along the rural road down the west entrance to the town.

                Alright the voice replied as the orb stopped glowing.

                He put his orb in their supply pouch. Trishula got off the wall and walked into the middle of the alley. He told Vex to keep watch. The dragon type got into the middle of the ally and sat down, pulling out a red diamond. He placed the diamond on the ground, started to meditate, closed his eyes and let his breathing become slow and steady. As this went on the red jewel began floating, glowing a bright red. He soon no longer felt the feeling of rain on his body. The world around him went dark as his consciousness retreated into his soul. It was then he could feel a presence in front him. He opened his eyes to the sight of eerie darkness, with a hazy red image starting to form something. He didnt move however and greeted his ally by thinking.

                Daemon, I have information for you.

                Another red light glowed in front of his and the haze morphed into the image of a dusknoir. It better be warranted information Trishula. Youre catching me at a bad time, the ghost type said with punctual yet agitated voice. Trishula noticed the ghost was clasping his right shoulder.

                Ohis it that time for you? Trishula said.

                Did you contact me just to partake in tantalization? Id assume you, Trishula, would at least have the maturity greater than a juvenile delinquent, or are you like most of the other red ey-

                Shut wherever your mouth is and let me inform you then, Trishula replied with snark, keeping his gaze shut but squinting his eyes in annoyance from having to talk with this associate.

                Its good to talk with you as well, Daemon replied with passive aggression. He clasped his right shoulder tightly and let out an annoyed sigh.

                Trishula took a breath and said, I apologize for the intrusion and yelling, but the info we have discovered here is invaluable.

                What do you have to tell me? the ghost type asked, letting the grip on his shoulder ease a little.

                Trishula took a breath before relaying the information given to him by Siegfried. Upon hearing this, Daemon stroked his chin with his free hand.

                I see, so he has two younger brothers then, he muttered to himself out loud, Do you know where they are currently? Daemon asked and Trishula shook his head. I see, well this is an interesting development. Well since you dont know where he is, then perhaps letting someone else go after them would be a better approach.

                This statement earned a fierce reply from Trishula, No! I will not let leave this to someone else when I have business with-

                Settle down Trish-

                The dragon however wasnt having this. He got out of his position, his eyes grew fierce and shouted, Daemon you know very well this mission is important to me! This one target is the closest to actuality and I wont pass this opportunity. I dont give a f*** about what you have in store for me or whatever, but I will not abstain from-

                What if I were to tell you, Azazel, has asked for your summons? Daemon stated, with unfazed composure.

                The dragon paused for a second, then returned to his position. Id call you a filthy liar, Trishula replied in his head toning down his loudness, but keeping his hostility.

                Daemon gave a sigh and said, Oh come now Trishula, dont be irrational. You know I dont lie unless I have a reason, and I have no reason to take you from your little purpose trip and thus acquire your wrath, if I didnt have Azazels request for you.

                If thats the case then why didnt my master tell me personally? Trishula pointed out.

                Daemon shrugged his shoulders and replied, Must I bring him into this? I dont know your masters reasoning for telling me, only that he wished to talk with you, but I swear to you that what I say is true.

                Trishula kept his angry stare at the dusknoir, who kept a sincere yet uncaring stare back. Trishula then stood up straight and looked to the side. Who will you have replacing me?

                Id believe Plageues would be the best option. Hes a conniver as well as a good tracker. Hell do your mission justice, Daemon answered, getting up from a sitting position as well. He studied Trishulas angry face. He put his right arm behind his back and added, If youre concerned about the possible Aegis reincarnation I beseech thee to trust me.

                And why should I trust your judgement and leave this search to Plageues? Trishula demanded, giving the dusknoir a cold but less hostile stare. The mon himself if a cackling demon that seems to never satisfy his enjoyment for bloodlust.

                Regardless he has useful abilities and can track better than any red eyes lords. Even us in the inner iris. His focus will mainly be on Seliph and his siblings. I will ensure he understands not to harm your target and merely bring him to you.

                Trishula kept his frustrated gaze at the wall. Despite this scowl from the haxorus, Daemon figured his message had been accepted. He floated a few feet away, removing his right arm from his back to stroke his chin again.

                Ill send Plageues to arrive in Crion City. You can take the trip back here via the same boat.

                Very well, Trishula said with a sigh as he nodded.

                Good then I trust there isnt anymore? Daemon asked and Trishula answered with a nod.

                Very well then. I bid you farewell, Daemon said, then paused for a second before adding in a low and dark tone, but keep on your feet Trishula. The mere fact you are after the reincarnation is a testament that our time of waiting is nearing its end. Soon our allies and our enemies plans and bets will be brought to fruition. May your meeting with your master be good.

                The second red gem then disappeared as did Daemons image along with it. Trishula kept his gaze straight as his gem stopped glowing and the blackness around him was replaced by reality. He felt the rain on his scaly skin again and spied a rather awe struck Vex. Trishula then began to walk down the ally, causing Vex to snap out of it and join him.

                SoI take it didnt go well? Vex asked, but was met with only silence. Vex backed off and just followed from a little distance. He finally mustered the courage to ask, So whats the plan now?

                Plageues will take over for me.

                Vex had heard the namedrop from Trishulas eyes closed, and fierce yelling at the wall from whatever he was seeing in his head, but this confirmation just made him feel worse. He had heard stories about the zoroark and was not looking forward to seeing if they were true. He gulped as he continued with the haxorus.

                The two strode out into the rainy main road. Vex was shivering from the chilling wind they were now vulnerable to, but Trishula didnt care. His thoughts were elsewhere. What are you playing master?


                Azazel (Ah-zuh-el)

                Daemon (Day-muhn)
                  #39   Link to this post, but load the entire thread.  
                Old April 14th, 2018 (4:38 PM).
                Bay's Avatar
                Bay Bay is offline
                Darkinium Z
                Join Date: May 2006
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                So okay we get a taste of this Soul Link thing going in. I like both Seliph and Vragon's flashbacks there, Seliph's in particular is cute with him being the jealous older brother there. Vragon's flashback that Seliph experienced is moreso forshadowing the fraxure's past but still interesting. We also get some new developments on the antagonist side there. So we have Daemeon introduced (and seems Trishula doesnt get along with him), and Trishulas master being namedropped. I have a feeling Azazel will be referenced a lot more now.

                "Meowth are all right. They don't care who you are or anything."
                Foul Play [Chapter Six up!]
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                Old May 10th, 2018 (2:47 PM).
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                Vragon2.0 Vragon2.0 is offline
                Say it with me (Vray-gun)
                  Join Date: Mar 2018
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                  Violence, language
                  Chapter 19

                  The smell of chemicals and potions covered the air of a dimly lit room. Odd contraptions and strange tubes filled with oddly colored liquids covered the tables that resided, in this room. Clusters of paper were scattered all over the room, some with scribbles and others merely crumpled. In the middle of this scientific mess Daemon floated.

                  “Very well then. I bid you farewell.” A floating red diamond ceased its radiant glow and fell into the dusknoir’s open palm. He opened his one eye, set the diamond on a nearby table and raised his right hand to his chin, while keeping his left firmly on his right shoulder.

                  “Siblings eh, well this is certainly an interesting development…” The ghost suddenly paused, scowled with his one eye and gave an aggravated sigh. You were listening on us, weren’t you?

                  …Rosa, I can feel your intrusion clearly now.


                  So why were you listening in on mine conversation with Trishula? It’s isn’t ideal to make yourself more untrustworthy now is it?

                  You know full well about my abilities. Call it the consequences for letting your guard down.

                  Daemon gave another aggravated sigh and told her in the mental link. Meet me at the balcony on the third floor. I won’t take “no” for an answer.

                  Fine was her reply as the telepathy stopped and Daemon no longer felt her intrusive mental presence.

                  He floated over and grabbed his coat with his free arm. The coat itself had long sleeves underneath a cloak that went near his elbows that curved upwards towards his upper chest, held together by a single gold button. He slipped his arms in the sleeves and buttoned the top button. He clasped his arms behind his back and proceeded outside the room. However, he stopped upon thinking of something. He floated over to a cabinet and grabbed a sachet. He then picked a few coins from another bad, one specific labeled “Poke: Triacal currency”, and put them in. He opened his stomach and put the sachet it. He gave himself a nod and resumed his way out.

                  He floated down a narrow hallway, lighted by green balls hanging from sticks on the side. As he made his way around the curve, Daemon stopped and scowled slightly as a black dress species, red eyed gardevoir rested her body against the wall in a seductive manner.

                  “Hello Daemon, mind if I accompany you?” Her voice was just as flirtatious as her posture. Daemon remained unamused and merely gave a cough.

                  “You know Rosa wouldn’t hesitate to kill you for doing that,” He stated to the figure. The female gardevoir gave a deep laugh as it morphed into a male zoroark, with malicious eyes matched only, by his evil yellow smile.

                  “How close was I to the real thing?” The dark type teased with the question.

                  Daemon merely raised his brow looking past the dark type. He then floated back slightly where he came from, enough to be out of the hallway. Plageues tilted his head in confusion before he was hurled from behind, past an unflinching Daemon and into the stone wall.

                  “You make me sick!” A girl shouted. The real Rosa walked towards the walled pinned Plageues, her arm outstretched and her angry eyes glowing pink from the psychic energy.

                  The zoroark started laughing under the telekinesis pressure. He managed to lift his head from the wall, turn it slightly and say, “Ah, my apologies, was I not attractive enough or would you have rather me-” His face was firmly slammed against the wall by a strong psychic thrust initiated from a thrusting of Rosa’s arm.

                  She gritted her teeth as she increased the force she placed on the wall pinned mon. Plageues just kept laughing creepily. Finally she had enough. She raised her other arm to her side to thrust another psychic push on him. After five minutes of this literal pressing, Daemon commanded in a calm voice, “Please, as much as I sympathize with your actions, I must ask you to restrain yourself.”

                  “Why‽” She demanded turning her solid pink eyes towards him, “This scum has no use other than being a crude creep that seems to find laughter in anything he does no matter how-”

                  “Plagueus.” Daemon turned to the pinned mon and said, “Desist now, please.”

                  “heheh heh…fine.” Plagueus slowly began to fight against her telekinesis. His bones cracked as he got off the wall and got back to his feet slowly. Rosa was baffled at first, till finally giving a scoff.

                  “So he was just amusing himself then, the masochist,” She spat.

                  “Oh come now dearie, don’t be condemnatory. Your powers may be exceptional, but I’m still capable of resisting your psychic abilities. After all, you’re powers of control aren’t very effective to strong will, eh.”

                  Daemon got in the middle of the two and muttered, “If you’re done with your bondage time Plageues then I ask you allow me and Miss Rosa be on our way.” He looked at the wall, thought for a second and then declared, “I might as well as save myself the trouble. Plageues will you accompany us?”

                  Rosa’s mouth dropped, while Plageues gave a surprised look. He gave a grin and a said, “My, my, Daemon and here I thought you were a gentlemon. Letting a sicko like me near a lady just to save yourself some time.” He licked his chops. He raised his claw to his forehead and in a dramatic and sarcastic tone exclaimed, “Oh how simply selfish of you Daemon. I mean look at her, she’s disgusted at the mere thought of your sugges-”

                  “That’s it!” Rosa screamed as she was about to fire a Shadow Ball with her right arm.

                  However, before she could shoot it, Daemon intervened. With great speed, he grabbed her arm with his left hand and twisted it upwards. Rosa gave him a furious scowl; he merely returned an unfazed stare from his eye. “I request you preserve your composure milady.” Rosa turned her angry face away, as she let the ball disintegrate, while Plageues cackled slightly in the background. “Now, please don’t give me a reason to separate you two,” He said, as he released her arm.

                  “A gentlemon indeed,” Plageues muttered with a smile.

                  Daemon turned to him and requested, “I ask you to keep your pestering to yourself for now, so we can conclude this with minimal time and injuries.”

                  He began floating down the hallway. Rosa scowled at the ghost, still holding her hurting arm. Plageues walked past and gave a wink at her. Her arm shook slightly, trying to restrain herself from pummeling at him with her psychic abilities. She let out a sigh and finally followed.

                  Upon reaching the balcony, Plageues stopped and rested his back against the wall next to the door, Rosa walked over and looked down upon a vast forest in the light of the moon and Daemon closed the door behind them. He turned to the zoroark first and said, “Alright, Plageues.” The zoroark raised a brow. “Trishula told me some interesting information. It’s related to Seliph.”

                  “Oh? Do tell then,” Plageues said, getting interest and excited.

                  Daemon gave a cough, before stating, “Seliph has siblings.”

                  “…You’re joking,” Plageues exclaimed, his smile vanishing in an instant. Daemon shook his head. “H-h-how? How is that possible‽” the dark type exclaimed, his arms shaking slightly.

                  “He must have kept their identities hidden. After all, no one saw them according to the report, well at least anyone of your units that returned alive.” Daemon theorized.

                  Plageues walked over to the edge of the balcony and gazed over the woody scenery. His eyes narrowed and his mouth curved downwards into a frown. His brows pointed into a scowl.

                  “Do you need a moment?” Rosa mocked in a sarcastic tone. She instantly regretted upon him cackling as a reaction.

                  “Do I need a moment?” He exclaimed ardently, “I’m practically rolling with emotion. I’m in fields of ecstasy right now.” He stared at the uncomfortable gardevoir with eyes that attested to his instability. She slowly backed away.

                  “You see, Rosa, this is why you don’t-” Daemon gave a quick cough and finished in a rubbing in tone. “Listen in on my conversations.”

                  She gave a roll of her eyes and asked, “Am I done here?”

                  “What do you think?” Daemon rhetorically asked. She gave a huff, crossed her arms and leaned against the stone bar. The ghost then returned to Plageues, “It’s your lucky day. I was requested by Azazel to find a replacement for Trishua in his mission on Triacal.”

                  “You mean-”

                  “Yes. His mission overlaps with Seliph and his brothers. Apparently they defended the target.” Daemon turned his gaze to the moon in the sky. “You are to meet with him at Crion City. Now here.” He took the sachet out of his stomach and threw it at the dark type, who caught it with his mouth. He gave a wink to the ghost, who ignored this and continued. “Meet with Trishula. Use this for extra provisions when you arrive.”

                  Plageues gave a disappointed grin as he dropped the bag into his paw. “You’re no fun.”

                  Daemon ignored this as well and turned his attention to the gardevoir. “Regardless of your trespassing earlier, I already had something I required you to do.”
                  “What?” she replied dragging out the word to emphasize her boredom.

                  “You know where the next Lord Assembly will be, correct?” She nodded. “I need you to go there and prepare things.”

                  “Why don’t you send your edge lord of an errand boy to do it?” She muttered.

                  “Rosa.” He drawled.

                  “Alright, I’ll do your errand!” She sassed and opened the door with her psychic and slammed it behind her. Daemon gave a sigh and rubbed his one eye.

                  “Truly a gentlemon.” Plageues chuckled.

                  Daemon gave an aggravate moan as he faced the dark type and stated, “Must you add to my stack of juvenile associates?”

                  The dark type gave a less mocking laugh and threw his arm over the ghost’s back. “I’m just playing with you, yah gentlemon,” He chatted.

                  “Well could you tone it down?” Daemon requested with a hint of frustration, “I’ve had a bad evening and I’m growing weary of interruptions.”

                  “Oh?” Plageues queried walking out in front. “Well how about you tell me about your troubles, Daemon,” the mon suggested. Daemon remained silent, just keeping his scowl at the ground. Plageues looked at the mon’s right arm and noticed his shoulder quivering slightly. “Oh, was it during that?”

                  “…Yes,” Daemon confirmed with a mix of disgust and embarrassment. The two were silent, for a while.

                  “Well, I better get started then.” The zoroark gave a grin and walked past the ghost to the door, but as he opened it he whispered in a dark and seeming robotic tone, “We should meet up sometime. Grab a drink and talk about delusions of grandeur. Perhaps even about local delicacies.” He softly shut the door behind him.

                  Daemon began stroking his chin again. After assessing that he was indeed alone to his thoughts he muttered, I’ll have to wait till after this assignment concludes. Till then we’ll have to hold off on discussing our plans more. He let out a sigh as he once again held his right shoulder. “But first, to deal with this.”

                  < O >

                  The light of a fiery caldron illuminated an underground stone arena. Its designs were akin to some miniature stone colosseum like ones found in Boriak. Its field was covered with tannish dirt. In the middle of this empty area two mons were locked in combat.

                  A young ampharos was locked in a Discharge exchange with a golem. Neither was letting up their bolts, though the electric type was starting to wheeze.

                  “What’s wrong chump?” the Electric/Rock type mocked, “You already out of energy.”

                  “I’ll show you energy!” the ampharos snapped, breaking off his Discharge. He quickly rolled out of the incoming Discharge’s path and gaped his mouth. A fiery blue Dragon Pulse surged towards his opponent.

                  The foe merely smirked as he pulled in his body and rolled out of the way in a split second. Instead of getting back up, he kept on rolling towards the ampharos. In reply, the ampharos tried to jump over and blast a Dragon Pulse from overhead.

                  “Gotcha!” The roller exclaimed, as he broke out and grabbed the pink tail of the ampharos. He began swinging him around. His arms then surged with a dark purple electric energy that began shocking the ampharos. “Like that Brutal Swing?” the Golem said with an arrogant laugh as he threw the pink ampharos in the air. He moved his hands close together and began forming a Smack Down projectile. The slightly dazed, from the dark move energy, ampharos quickly twisted and tried to fire another Discharge. The rock type move was sent hurling and despite directing the all Discharge onto the rock, it was too sturdy to shatter. It landed a direct hit.

                  The electric type yelled in pain as the rock slammed him in the gut. His damage was only added in him failing to do a recovery landing, and hitting the ground hard on his right shoulder. He began squirming around; with his eyes closed and tears forming from the pain of his dislocated shoulder.

                  The golem walked up to him and bent down a little. “I’m guessing you evolving so early was a fluke. Your lightning is weak hah! You’re better off using your fists. Now get up,” He ordered as he kicked the mon with a hard swing oh his leg. The ampharos was sent rolling, giving yelps from his shoulder every time he made a full revolution. The cries seemed to fall on uncaring ears, for the golem merely walked up again and ordered the same command. The ampharos tried to get back up, but was met with another kick. “To slow heavy tail!”

                  He then placed his foot on the mon’s right shoulder, making him yelp.

                  “You think your shoulder is too much? Well let’s make a deal.” The golem’s voice dropped to a more deep and malicious tone. “If you can get my foot off before it goes through your flesh into the floor, then we’ll call it a day.” As he finished, he began press down.

                  The amphoros shrieked as the pain began to surge and begged him to stop. “Weakies don’t get to speakie,” The golem answered with a snicker. “Now take off my foot or I’ll take off your arm the hard way.”

                  The ground underneath the electric type’s right shoulder began to make cracking noises as well as his shoulder blade and upper arm bone. The pleads and cries of the pinned mon soon became gibberish as his mind began to panic.

                  “Enough, Corivac,” A distorted male’s voice calmly ordered. Corivac looked up to see a mon walking towards him. His eyes went wide as he recognized who it was or rather what rank it was.

                  The mon wore a black overcoat, with a hood covering the top part of his face. The part of his face that was visible reflected a strange dark metallic mask, with three black metal lines moving over the blank face of the helm and congregating near the mouth, which had what appeared to be a fang design. His black overcoat’s sleeves went all the way to his hands, which had interesting black metal gauntlets, though only the fingers and upper palm were visible. The coat was folded over and buttoned up on the right side, only opening near the knees. The knees were bent forward with dark color thin leather as a covering with black guard plates on the kneed caps and top of shins. Even his talon’s had this black fabric covering them and added sharp metal blades to extend them.

                  It stopped when about two feet away from the two, just close enough for Corivac to see more of the helm. No eye sockets were there, only black glass which wasn’t transparent, but would allow the wearer to see clearly.

                  Corivac let out a growl. “As you wish.” He removed his foot from the heavy breathing and almost unconscious ampharos. He backed away as the over coated figure inspected the mon. After assessing the injuries, the hooded mon, picked up the ampharos and put him over his right shoulder.

                  “Hey what are yo-” Corivac began, but was interrupted by the strangers distorted voice.

                  “How long has he been your disciple?”

                  Corivac blinked at first, confused by the terminology of the question. He finally got the message and replied with, “Four months.”

                  The hooded mon then began walking on. “Hey! He’s weak in strength abilities. You can look at his medical assessment. Frankly, I was against being a teacher for a talentless recruit like him, so make sure you’re honest in your report abou-”

                  Before he could finished. The mon, started to form a small ball of blue wind in his palm. It then started to speak without turning around. “Strength is merely an approach to such an action. You would consider yourself a mon with strength, yes?”

                  Corivac didn’t understand. But after being asked again, this time with a sterner tone from the distorted voice he replied with, “Well I don’t enjoy bragging, but if you ask for abilities then yes sir I’m quite capable.”

                  “I see.” He then turned to the side and swung its arm in an upwards left swipe, sending an Air Slash straight at the golem. Despite being startled, Corivac managed to raise his arms in defense. The move shredded on his arms, but his defense didn’t matter. The moves splattered past his arms and all over him with just as much impact as the initial move. He was sent on his back with many harsh cuts, leaking some of his dirt makeup with small electric sparks going into the ground, and gritting his teeth from the pain. “Four times the ineffectiveness, less power than basic moves, not even a flinch and you still fall over like a newborn in the wind. It’s simpletons like you that answer my questions on the ineffectiveness of our red eye soldiers. I suggest you get some medical attention before you crack apart, whether it be your body or ego first.” The figure then continued on his way as Corivac carried himself off the field.

                  The ampharos was barely awake and losing his consciousness amid the pain and his fatigue. He tried to utter his gratitude to this high oficial’s act of kindness, but only succeeded in making attempts at words.

                  “It is apparent, you will not attain your max use with him as a teacher.” The ampharos finally lost his consciousness. The figure walked out of the stone arena and down a dimly lit hallway. “‘Weakness’ the caterpie tells the weedle,” He muttered out loud, “However, the caterpie has earned the right to exist, unlike this one. Determination will only take a mon so far, as talent will only give you so much of a boost. The weak will fade along with the strong…but what is strength than something to be used? Evolve above the masses, young one…else killing you now would be an act of mercy by me.”

                  < O >

                  Water from puddles splashed around as a vigoroth was running awkwardly in a dark ally of some town. The rain was heavy, forcing him to constantly rub his vulnerable eyes. His foot suddenly got caught in a little dent in the road, causing him to hit the ground. He spat out the water he had acquired from his face plant. He took a quick glance back and immediately rushed back to his feet upon seeing a figure walk after him.

                  His panting grew heavy as he darted through several allies. He’d occasionally glance back, only to see the figure still in pursuit. As he ran through a straight ally, he noticed a stack of boxes. He quickly leaped on them and began climbing up the wet wall. Despite the slick surface, the vigoroth’s claws were able stay on the wall well. He took a glance at his pursuer.

                  The mon was almost underneath him. The normal type quickly formed some rocks from the wall and fired his Rock Tomb. The mon threw his arms in front in protection, pushing the stones aside with telekinetic energy. The vigoroth let out a laugh as he leaped from the wall, to grab the ledge of the opposite roof. To his surprise, he stopped in midair. He looked down to see the stranger pointing his arm at him. The vigoroth tried to retaliate, but was slammed into the wall. He was then thrown with the telekinetic force into the other wall and finally levitated down.

                  The normal type clasped his now broken leg and howled, as the stranger walked up. A grumpig knelt down and moved to check his leg.

                  “Don’t touch me mother psyducker!” the vigoroth shouted to the calm psychic type. He tried to pull his leg away, but was held back with a solid but non-hurting invisible force. He grunted as the grumping inspected the leg with his left finger. He then placed his middle finger on it as well and closed his eyes.

                  “Hm…cracks in the Tibia…blood flow still at proper flow…not too impairing.”

                  The figure then looked at the mon, who was shivering in fright, and asked, “You were to meet with a client for your superior about a delivery deal correct?”

                  “I don’t know what your-” the mon began, but was cut off.

                  “I can take whatever data I wish from your memory with time and forceful entrance into your consciousness, so I implore you to co-operate to save us both the trouble and you potential mental stress slash damage.”

                  The vigoroth gulped and nodded. The grumping continued. “What was the item in question for delivering?”

                  “Some stolen information.”

                  “What was the information?”

                  “I don’t know,” the vigoroth replied in a shaky tone. The grumping, scowled. “I swear on my mother’s grave it’s true.” He started shaking as the grumpig’s eyes looked deep into his. The pig’s eyes narrowed and observed the frightened stranger’s returning stare.

                  “I see…where were you to meet them?”

                  “The condemned wooden building in the fifth district.” The grumping nodded and suddenly placed his two fingers on the mon’s forehead. “Hey wait I tho-” he stopped his protesting and his eyes went blank. The grumping closed his eyes. Green rings began to expand from the point of touch and disappear after growing a certain size.

                  The grumping started to mumble things. “….there….removing…done.”

                  As soon as the stranger removed his fingers the mon snapped out of his trance. He look around with a fright, but saw no one. “W-what..wait what was I running fro- Yeaow!” He howled and clasped his hurting leg. “What the reverse‽ When the psyduck did I get this‽” He picked himself up and began dragging his way to some helping center.

                  The grumping watched from behind a turn at the end of the alley. He let out a sigh and walked down the dark path. As he went on his way, he suddenly stopped. His ear twitched slightly. He turned to face the wall. All eh saw was the rain hitting the sleek grey wall lit only some moonlight. He closed his eyes for a second. When he opened them his eyes were covered with a light green color, shining with a faint but visible color. At the sight of these eyes, a small green object on the wall became visible. It was a zygarde cell. It’s eye stared back, completely expressionless. Small green letters then rushed from its lower iris and vanished at the top part of the iris.

                  “hm…right?” the grumping stated in a slightly tired tone. “Transferring findings.” Letters and odd language crossed the cell’s eye again, as the memory data of the scene was passed on. The grumping let out a sigh as he concluded sending the info to the target.

                  “Hey there,” a voice buzzed from his right. The cell immediately cloaked and the grumping turned to face a vikavolt walking towards him. “Demetri…howzzz it going?”

                  Demetri tilted his head in slight surprise. “Devon? Have you been assigned to this assignment too?”

                  “No Demetri, but I have been assigned with you for another azzzzzzignment,” It replied.

                  “What?” Demetri blurted, “But my current investigation is of red tier.”

                  “This came from Zyon himzzzelf.” Demetri growled as he closed his eyes. He opened them again, this time to his cerise iris eyes. Devon continued, “Zyon hazzz requezzzted we head to Frantal Town.”

                  “Why? What’s more important than finding the origin of the breach in the netw-”

                  “One of the cellzzz overheard a mezzzzzzage being zzzent. It was from a Zzzeliph.”

                  Demetri raised a brow, “Who’s this Seliph?”

                  “The data Zyon found on him relatezzz to the red eyezzz. It’zzz pozzzzzzible he might have key information, but more importantly he’zzz a target of theirzzz. We need to find him and immediately take him into our protection.”

                  “I see…” Demetri raised his palm to his chin. “…Frantal Town correct?”

                  “That’zzz where thizzz Zzzeliph zzzaid he wazzz going. There was more info in the mezzzzzzage, but I don’t have all the detailzzz. Zyon zzzaid he’ll have a cell there waiting for uzzz with the rezzzt of the data and any additional orderzzz.”

                  Demetri nodded. Devon then rapidly flapped his bug wings and took off down the ally. Likewise, Demetri quickly turned around and dashed after the flying Devon. As he followed his ally, Demetri pondered. First the breach…and now this? And all while the Amestrian Senate is in session with a diplomat from Sorphia present for the discussion…This is blatantly close in time to be coincidence. I deduce there is a connection, of only I can find amply evidence. The red eyes must be making a big play. Putting the Core on alert. Ack, if we can just determine if there are any Red Eyes agents that came along with the diplomat…or perhaps how a red eyes operative could have breached the network. If we just had more info perhaps we could find clues regarding their influence in Amerstria. Then that’d be a good basis for investigation. But apparently this assignment takes priority instead of my lead. What are you thinking Zyon? What’s so important about this “Seliph” to take away from a literal breach with the stolen information?


                  Boriak – An empire with direct control of Groundon’s. The country enjoys sport and fights and there are many competitions of power and skills. This country is respected and respects Norfarions.
                    #41   Link to this post, but load the entire thread.  
                  Old May 11th, 2018 (7:30 PM).
                  Bay's Avatar
                  Bay Bay is offline
                  Darkinium Z
                  Join Date: May 2006
                  Location: Dani California
                  Gender: Female
                  Nature: Sassy
                  Posts: 5,429
                  Real quick on the grammar front, I still see various dialogue puntcation mistakes, but the most common being you capatialize the pronouns if it's followed with a dialogue tag.

                  “You know Rosa wouldn’t hesitate to kill you for doing that,” He stated to the figure. The female gardevoir gave a deep laugh as it morphed into a male zoroark, with malicious eyes matched only, by his evil yellow smile.
                  “Why‽” She demanded turning her solid pink eyes towards him, “This scum has no use other than being a crude creep that seems to find laughter in anything he does no matter how-”
                  “So he was just amusing himself then, the masochist,” She spat.
                  These examples you would lowercase the pronouns, so it's "he stated", "she demanded," and "she spat." Don't have time at the moment to comb through all, but something you can check back yourself or have someone else find those for you.

                  She gave a roll of her eyes and asked, “Am I done here?”
                  I still notice sometimes you would use "gave a (action)" when the active verb would work better. here, "She rolled her eyes" flows better.

                  “Alright, I’ll do your errand!” She sassed and opened the door with her psychic and slammed it behind her. Daemon gave a sigh and rubbed his one eye.
                  "sassed" is a weird dialogue tag here. Maybe replace it with "said" or not even use a dialogue tag. (If you decide to not use a dialogue tag, you can keep the "She" capatialized there).

                  The dark type gave a less mocking laugh and threw his arm over the ghost’s back. “I’m just playing with you, yah gentlemon,” He chatted.
                  "chatted" is also a weird dialogue tag. Maybe it's not needed.

                  “Gotcha!” The roller exclaimed, as he broke out and grabbed the pink tail of the ampharos.
                  While I get who you're referring to as "the roller" as the Golem, that still sounds awkward. Maybe use "the boulder Pokemon", "the ampharos's opponent", or the Golem's name.

                  Before he could finished. The mon, started to form a small ball of blue wind in his palm.
                  I think here those two sentences go together, like this: "Before he could finished, the mon started to form a small ball of blue wind in his palm.[/quote]

                  I think that's all I'll point out on the grammar stuff. This chapter seems to focus the various antagonists, which is neat to give some different persectives. The first scene I don't have much thoughts on as it's mostly everyone talking about Seliph and his siblings, but I think this is Rosa's introduction. Not hard to imagine she would eavesdrop like that heh.

                  So, the scene with Corivac and the ampharos I take it Corivac's not the teaching type there and why that mysterious figure intervened there. The caterpie and weedle dialogue at the end of the scene dragged out a bit, but I can appreciate the prep talk there.

                  I admit, I get what you're doing with Demetri's speech but it's still kinda annoying to read haha. But anyways, looks like Zygarde will play a role with its Zygarde cell appearing there and curious how that will turn out. I think that's the first time it's mentioned in this story? I'm losing track of how many characters you have now oops.

                  "Meowth are all right. They don't care who you are or anything."
                  Foul Play [Chapter Six up!]
                    #42   Link to this post, but load the entire thread.  
                  Old June 17th, 2018 (3:03 PM).
                  Vragon2.0's Avatar
                  Vragon2.0 Vragon2.0 is offline
                  Say it with me (Vray-gun)
                    Join Date: Mar 2018
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                    Chapter 20

                    Jaron’s eye lids slowly opened and began to look around the room. He spotted the crates of the storage area and the window, now showing grey light. He let out a yawn as he jumped off the crate he had deemed his bed and rolled his neck.

                    “Arceus, that wasn’t the most comfortable bed I’ve been on, ooof,” He mouthed as he pressed his gator palms against his back. As he did this, he looked over to where Ciecro had retired for the night. He was absent, his blanket made and everything.

                    “Huh,” Jaron observed, “wonder where he is? He folded this blanket up so he must be…hm.”

                    Jaron thought to himself about last night, and his conversation with Ciecro. I know he was hesitant at first, but he came around after we talked. Well he probably went to either train or get some food.

                    He gave nod to the plan and walked towards the staircase. “Oh!” he exclaimed, upon realizing he forgot that. He quickly ran over to one of the crates and picked up a small metal cube, he had worked on last night. “Don’t want you getting lost hehe.”

                    As he got into the main lobby, he noticed Vragon and Jasmine talking. He called out to them.

                    “Heya Jaron!” Jasmine replied with energy.

                    “Hello Jaron,” Vragon uttered, his tiredness much more visible.

                    “You both sleep okay?” Jaron inquired as he joined them.

                    “I had about six hours,” Jasmine answered, stretching out her front legs, “but I don’t feel too bad.” Jaron then looked at Vragon, whose eyelids were droopy.

                    “Bad night?” He guessed, to which the fraxure nodded.

                    “I hate it when I get one of those dreams.” Vragon began rubbing his eyes.

                    “Heh, the dream about the giant granbull,” Jaron teased.

                    “No,” Vragon grumbled, “just one where I’m running and then I wake up tired.”

                    “Running from the granbull,” Jasmine added, joining in the fun with Jaron.

                    “I’m not afraid of granbulls!” Vragon protested, “Besides, don’t we have to plan what to do now?”

                    “Yep,” Jaron replied, deciding to get serious, “But let’s handle that after getting some food.”

                    “Fair I guess,” Jasmine said, with a nod from the head. Vragon did likewise. Jasmine then gave a yawn and uttered, “I’m down for breakfast before headache.”

                    “What about Ciecro? Shouldn’t we bring him as well?” Vragon asked.

                    “He was already awake and gone when I woke up.”

                    Jasmine’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Did something happen last night?”

                    Jaron gave a shrug, “He seemed perfectly fine when we went to sleep. He even helped me with this a little bit.” Jaron pulled out a cube from his shoulder sack. The other two eyed it with curiosity.

                    “What does it do?” Vragon inquired.

                    “Nothing right now,” Jaron admitted, “but once I get the right parts and whatnot, this’ll be a signal jammer. You know communication orbs, well this doohickey should be able to intercept the signals and display them for us.”

                    “Don’t they already exist and are usually used to catch criminals?” Jasmine corrected.

                    “Yep, but mine will be homemade and run on electrical circuitry. So I won’t have some of the flubs synergy has, though it would need a charge now and then,” Jaron said with glee.

                    “Impressive, if you can get it to function,” A voice chimed in from behind them. Jaron about jumped out of his scales, at the spook from Dolly. “How’s it going kids?” She asked, rubbing the back of her head, with a big smile on her face.

                    “Fine,” Jaron sulked.

                    “Sorry about interrupting your little lecture, but as miss Jasmine said we need to get some food,” Dolly stated putting her arm of Jaron’s shoulders. She gave him a grin, but was met with darting eyes. “How was last night Jaron?”

                    “It was fine.” Jaron replied.

                    Dolly’s eyes squinted for a second, assessing something. Jaron was beginning to get uncomfortable, till she suddenly got back. “Well let’s hurry, before they get too busy.”

                    Jaron and Jasmine nodded, just as confused as to what Dolly was doing. Jaron then led the way, with Jasmine and Vragon following. Dolly trailed behind; her face scowling slightly. What happened to you last night? Did whatever happen do something to Ciecro as well?

                    < O >

                    The breeze was blowing over a dirt field for sport battling. It was a large circle with a few large rocks dotting its interior. On one side was a scowling Ciecro staring at the empty field. He closed his eyes and moved his head to face the morning sky. He let the breeze course around his neck and face, letting the cool air calm his nerves. He then looked at the rock in front of him. He slid his right leg backwards, putting his weight on it. He straightened his left and surged a Thunderpunch in his right. He kept this position, staring at the rock with concentrated eyes. He then firmly pushed off his right, twisted his torso, thrust his fist around and firmly leaned on his left leg. His move, struck directly on the rock, cracking the surface for about a foot radius. He kept his solid fist on it for a few seconds before removing it. He stared at the rock and look down at the dirt, disappointed.

                    “Damn…I gave that all I had…” He muttered to himself, feeling very dejected. He looked back at the other rocks he had also struck, seeing how similar those cracks were to this one. He looked back at the implant he made and put his claw on it. He pictured his dad striking a much larger boulder and leaving a much larger scale of cracks. His head fell down, so his stare was focused on his feet. His tail became lax and its flame dimmed a little.

                    “Ciecro!” A voice called out from behind him. The charmeleon jumped up from the startle and looked straight at an also startled Seliph. The greninja put his arms out and said, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

                    Ciecro’s surprised face immediately shot to a glare upon identifying his older brother. He gave a snort, crossed his arms, looked to the side and said in a cold tone, “Don’t sneak up on me like that.”

                    “Sorry about that heh.” Seliph broke a weak smile along with rubbing his head. He then said, “I noticed you were practicing your Thunderpunch.”

                    Ciecro gave a louder snort. “So?” he asked in a passive aggressive tone.

                    “Well, if you want to practice moves, I might be able to help with that.” Ciecro moved his eyes towards Seliph’s warming smile face. The greninja could tell Ciecro wasn’t very happy he was here despite his friendly gesture. “Well if you want to that is.” The greninja tossed over a bracelet to Ciecro, who caught it and eyed it curiously.

                    “An inhibitor bracelet?” He said out loud.

                    “I rented two of the stronger affecting ones. Free things and get the job done after all,” Seliph said with a friendly smile and a shrug. Ciecro looked at Seliph again and then back to the bracelet. He squinted his eyes and his breathing slowed down a little.

                    …What do I do? I promised Jaron, but…

                    Seliph guessed that Ciecro was stuck in an inner debate. So, to hopefully sway him in favor, Seliph strapped his bracelet on and set the dial to 90% inhibitor. He then walked back a ways and faced a cautious yet curious Ciecro.

                    “I need some good practice. Go all out on me.”

                    Ciecro gave him a less cold stare and once again looked back at the bracelet. The events of the night before circled in his head.

                    “Fine…yeah I’m on edge cause of him…and it’s ‘cause I feel shrimpy to him.” His own voice echoed.

                    “I know bro, which is why I want you to talk with me about it. I know we’ve had friction and all, but no matter how retarded you act I’ll still love you, yah jerk.”
                    Jaron’s voice said afterwards. He turned his head and looked at the rock he struck. He gave a big exhale and as he slapped on the wrist he said in his head, Alright Jaron…you f*****g win.

                    He twisted the dial and turned to face Seliph. The two stared into each other’s eyes, both were focused and ready. Seliph stretched his right froggy hand forward, then swiftly swung it to his side forming a Night Slash stick. He held it like a saber to his side in an open defensive and light feet stance.

                    Ciecro’s eyes glowered as he pulled his left leg back and activated a dragon claw in his left hand, pointing slight upwards and behind him. He focused his gaze firmly on the smiling Seliph, eyeing every part of Seliph’s stance. A few seconds passed as each waited for the other to move. Ciecro finally broke stance and sprinted. Seliph merely kept his poise as Ciecro leaped up and swung his Dragon Claw down upon Seliph. The greninja quickly sprang to the left, avoiding the downwards strike. He then thrust his Night Slash at Ciecro’s head, who quickly rolled with his momentum out of the strike. He quickly fired a Flamethrower, forcing Seliph back.

                    Seliph then stood up and with a shrug asked, “Are you having fun yet?”

                    Ciecro gave a growl and ran towards a rock to Seliph’s forward-right side. He then jumped and used it as a leap off for his left leg. He then surged a Dragon Claw with his left claw.

                    In response, Seliph formed a Water Shuriken between his hands and threw it forward. Ciecro swung his right fist towards the water type move, knocking away the move with a newly formed Thunderpunch. Seliph quickly dove forwards underneath Ciecro, before getting struck. Seliph quickly rolled on left side drew a night slash in his right hand and swung it in an arc downwards on Ciecro. Despite this back attack, Ciecro’s Dragon Tail struck the Night Slash from the side. Seliph was slightly pulled forward to the left, leaving himself open for a tackle from Ciecro. The two rolled on the ground struggling. Ciecro managed to get on top and drew his Thunderpunch in his right hand. With an angry face and gritting teeth, he thrust it down, aiming for Seliph’s face. Seliph managed to dart his head far enough to avoid it. Seliph then wrapped his tongue around Seliph’s waist to pull him off. Ciecro was spun off the greninja, rolled a few feet, and recovered to a one knee defensive stance. Seliph took his time getting up, brushed off the dirt and said, “Maybe we should take a break eh?”

                    Ciecro’s scowling eyes stopped for a second, confused. He then looked at the spot where he had punched at Seliph. His fist had left a two inch deep punch mark in. His eyes widened and he looked at his right hand. It was shaking slightly, as it would when he was angry. He quickly flicked it to his side. Did…Was I?... He looked down with slightly scared eyes. The image of the move making impact on Seliph was in his head. The damage he could do even with a restraint as evident by the mark he left on the ground.

                    Seliph deduced Ciecro was shocked. He looked at his inhibitor that read 90% and looked at Ciecro with a worried face. With a soft voice he said, “Ciecro it’s alright.” Ciecro didn’t seem to notice. He was too busy staring at his shaky hand. “Ciecro…are you oka-”

                    “I’m fine!” Ciecro shouted as he turned around and stormed off.

                    Seliph reached his hand out and was about to call his brother’s name. He stopped and moved his arm back. I…I didn’t mean for that to happen. He thought in his head. He looked back at Ciecro, who was taking off his bracelet and throwing it to the side, walking away with stomping steps. Seliph walked over to the bracelet and looked at it. It read 95%. Seliph’s eyes widened with shock at the revelation of how strong a Thunderpunch he narrowly avoided.

                    < O >

                    “Dang this is good. I haven’t eaten out in so long,” Jasmine exclaimed.

                    “Wow Dolly, this gives you a run for your Poke,” Jaron added, licking his dish.

                    “Yes well, fancy showy places like these tend to really put their stuff into their food specifically,” Dolly pointed out, sipping some Oran leave tea; her annoyance at the comparison etched in her half closed eyes focusing on the chop licking Jaron.

                    “And besides Jaron,” Vragon added, putting his Oran juice down, “Dolly’s place is a small stool diner, not some well-furnished area with more staff than just herself.”

                    “True, but this stuff is damn good. Makes me want to eat it more.” Jaron gave a pleased exhale as he put his saliva covered plate down.

                    Jasmine then leaned across the table a little and whispered to Dolly, “Probably cause of the sugar.”

                    Dolly nodded her head in agreement.

                    “There’s sugar in this‽” Jaron exclaimed in surprise.

                    “What tipped you off friend? The addictive taste with the infusion of flavors, or the fact it’s made of berries, which by nature have sugar in general?” Vragon commented rhetorically.

                    Jaron gave a huff and replied with, “Well sorry I’m not some food connoisseur like Jasmine is.”

                    “I’m not a connoisseur, I just know a lot about food and whatnot,” She defended.

                    “Please Jasmine, it’s bad enough you completely dissect what you eat to the point of literally telling us the different ingredients,” Jaron accused.

                    “I do not!” Jasmine protested.

                    Vragon picked up another powdered covered berry and said, “If I recall correctly, when the server gave us these, you mumbled ‘interesting so they used a Pecha Berry mixed with sugary mix along with some cinnamon. Dang, oh well it’s no chocolate caramel sauce mix, but it’ll do.’”

                    Jasmine gave him a scowl and whispered under her breath, “Traitor” Vragon gave a boasting grin as he took a bite out of his berry. Jasmine then put her paw on the table, and tried to change the subject. “Okay, so are we heading out?”

                    “To some library place right?” Vragon inquired, “I don’t think it’s ideal while those lunatics still after me.”

                    “I’m going to have to agree with Vray on this,” Jaron added, “considering we dodged a Mach Punch with our last encounter I don’t think we should leave here for a while.”

                    “But what about or duties?” Jasmine brought up.

                    “Just make the point that your friend is in danger from criminals and use that to get permission to keep guard on him,” Dolly suggested as she put her cup down, “it’d make perfect sense and I’m sure your ranger head at the guild wouldn’t be so fastidious to force you to come back. Sure you might get docked from a few weeks of pay.”

                    “Good point,” Jasmine admitted.

                    “We should probably wait for Ciecro’s input,” Vragon stated, putting his arms on the table and looking at the few berries left on the appetizer dish.

                    “I don’t think he’d protest. The most he’d want to do is find the little grunts and that stupid dragon guy,” Jaron answered. The croconaw reached out and grabbed one of the berries and took a bite out of it. “Besides,” Jaron spoke amid his chewing, “he’s not so much a fan of his job to not enjoy his free time here. Who knows, a little time from his and my job might do some good for the oaf.”

                    Jasmine grabbed the second to last berry and said, “Are you sure? I mean, what if they find us here?”

                    Dolly gave a yawn and said, “Better here than in the open.”

                    “I concur,” the fraxure added, reaching for the last berry. To his surprise his hand hit the scaly skin of Jaron, who was reaching for the berry as well. “Jaron…let go please,” Vragon asked.

                    “Uhh…you can clearly see my hand is on it,” Jaron countered, trying to move his hand out. But Vragon clenched his claw around Jaron’s claw. Jaron’s eyes began to leer at an equally scowling Vragon.

                    “You already had one, so I should get the last one.”

                    “That doesn’t mean nothing. I’m hungry and last I checked you didn’t reach for many so it isn’t my fault you didn’t grab for one till the last one was claimed.” Jaron started to try and pull his claw out of Vragon’s firm grip.

                    “Excuse me? From what I recall you had like eight of these things and I’ve only grabbed two. Not to mention I was busy with the actual dish I was eating.”

                    “That’s my problem how?”

                    “It means you’ve had enough for your stomach so let me have it.”

                    Jaron squinted his eyes and said in a low growling tone, “Over my dead body.”

                    “That can be arranged,” Vragon threatened in a similar pitched voice. Dolly and Jasmine just stared at the awkward thing playing out in front of them.

                    Dolly then gave a cough and said, “Do you both want me to cut it in half?”

                    “Stay out of this,” the two said in unison, turning their competitive scowls towards her. She flinched her head back a little.

                    “Um guys, I don’t want to get us thrown out so could you both please not,” Jasmine requested.

                    The two kept their gazes locked. Vragon finally said, keeping his eyes on Jaron’s eyes, “She has a point. Settle this elsewhere?”

                    “Bring it on you little cluck.” Vragon then let go of Jaron’s palm, who shoved the berry in front of Dolly.

                    “What are you both doing?” She asked out of a mix of curiosity and concern.

                    “Settling this like men.” Jaron then got up and pointed his hand at Vragon, “I challenge you to a battle and if I win I get the berry.”

                    “Yeah!” Vragon replied with a tense competitive voice, “Well I accept you dingus.”

                    “I hope you’re ready to lose Vray. You’ve never beaten me in a battle,” Jaron uttered in confidence.

                    “Maybe not, but if such delicious food is on the line, I’ll kick your tail.”

                    < O >

                    Jasmine had a quizzical expression on her face as she and Dolly sat on some rocks at the edge of a dirt line. “Is this actually happening?” she asked the kangaskhan.

                    “Apparently, I gave up trying to understand adolescent males when I met Ciecro.” Dolly crossed her arms and watched as Vragon and Jaron did some stretches. “Course, it does mean I get to see a fight and that’s always fun to watch.”

                    Jasmine looked down, then back to the two in front. “You sure they won’t get hurt?”

                    “Jasmine, they have inhibitor bands on and I told them to keep them on at least 80%.”

                    Suddenly Jaron pointed his arm to Vragon. “I hope you’re ready for an ass whooping.”

                    Vragon shot back quickly. “Yeah, well I’m going be the one beating you.”

                    Jaron gave a laugh and held his arm in front of his chest, displaying the 80% number on it. “Since I’m stronger than you, I think I’ll turn this up a little.” Jaron gave a grin as he twisted a nob on it, changing the number to 85%.

                    “Don’t make me laugh Jaron,” Vragon taunted, twisting his to 87%.

                    “Ah, so you think you have guts eh?” Jaron responded, turning his to 89%.

                    “Yeah you sucker, I’m gonna beat you with a bigger handicap.” Vragon twisted his till it displayed 93%.
                    Suddenly an annoyed Dolly shouted to the two, “If you two are done seeing which one has the bigger snout, turn it to 95% and get going already.” Jaron and Vragon snarled at her as they twisted their dials till they both read 95%.

                    They then put their arms to the side and kept their eyes on each other’s bodies. Vragon moved his left leg in front and twisted his body to the side, stretched his left arm firmly out with his claw stretched out for slashing and his other arm pulled in front of his chest.

                    Jaron gave a smirk as he bent down and placed his hand on the ground, clutching the ground. He then moved his left hand out in an open slashing style and got into a pouncing position. His tail straightened out and he squinted his eyes.

                    The two waited for Dolly to start them off. Jasmine gave Dolly a look that essentially was “please be the adult and don’t let them do this.” Dolly just gave a smirk back and raised her hand, “Have fun beating the crap out of each other, boys.” She swung her arm down.

                    Jaron immediately rushed towards Vragon keeping his body close to the ground. Vragon kept his stance firm and tensed his back leg, ready for Jaron’s strike. Jaron suddenly rolled, taking in a breath as he moved on the ground. After finishing the roll, he fired an Ice Beam directly at Vragon. In response, Vragon darted towards the beam, tanking the hit with his arm and slashing with his claw. Jaron leaned back enough to avoid it, but in the process left himself open for Vragon to fire a Dragon Breath. It hit Jaron squarely on his chest, knocking him on his back. Taking this opportunity, Vragon leaped upon Jaron with his Dragon Claw. Jaron quickly brought up Slash and locked moves with Vragon. Despite Vragon’s upwards advantage, Jaron was able to keep Vragon’s claws away from his head.

                    “Not bad Vray. Didn’t expect you to do that,” Jaron praised with a competitive smile.

                    “Thanks,” Vragon replied, just as competitive in tone. Jaron’s smile suddenly turned malicious as pulled his lower body upwards and whacked Vragon’s head with his tail. This distraction was enough for Jaron to push Vragon’s Dragon Claw away and head-butt Vragon in the face. The fraxure fell off, but did a recovery roll and fired another Dragon Breath to cover himself. Jaron evaded with a side jump and used his footing on the landing to lunge at the fraxure, who replied with his own rush towards the croconaw. Jaron and Vragon began a close melee. Vragon was being the more aggressive one with jabs, kicks, swipes and slices, while Jaron avoided, tanked, blocked or parried. Vragon then did a strong downwards slice, to which Jaron backed away to avoid. Vragon then used the momentum to cartwheel into a strike with his forward leg. Jaron managed to grab it, but this was merely a diversion. Vragon used the balanve bracing Jaron gave his upside down state to slice at Jaron’s right leg with a strong Dragon Claw.

                    “Ah!” Jaron screeched from the pain letting go of Vragon’s leg. The fraxure then rolled back and got back to his feet. Jaron got on one knee and clasped the area he got struck, “Ow ow ow ow!”

                    “Good thing it’s on 95%, else you’d have a nasty cut on your leg.”

                    “Dammit Vragon, where was this bravado in our other fights?” Jaron said, giving a pleased grin.
                    Vragon just gave a shrug. “Surrender yet?” The fraxure joked.

                    “No way, loser.” Jaron laughed and got back up. “Playtime is over Vray, now I’m going to be serious.”

                    Vragon gave a sarcastic look and got back into his standard defense position.

                    Dolly and Jasmine had been quiet up to this point. Dolly then said, “Vragon definitely is surprising me. Though it’s good to see him implementing his pros.”

                    “You mean him being more of a speed build rather than defensive or offensive?” Jasmine guessed.

                    “Not exactly,” Dolly answered. She then pointed to the fraxure and said, “See how he’s in his basic position. Look at his eyes.” Jasmine obeyed and noticed Vragon’s eyes were looking straight, but seemingly not giving a focused glance.


                    “Yep,” Dolly effused, “he’s planning rather than just getting into a fight with Jaron directly. He isn’t being on the offensive, but thinking of ways to counter Jaron, someone who he knows well and has experience regarding his fighting style.”

                    Jasmine looked back at the fraxure, then looked at the croconaw. He was giving his trademark grin, but she noticed something odd. He was twisting his right arm slightly, keeping his open palm away from Vragon’s sight. What’s he up to? She thought to herself as the croconaw again rushed towards Vragon.
                    He closed the ground between him and Vragon projecting an upwards left slice with his left claw. Vragon caught onto this and bent his head a little, readying to dodge, but anticipating an alternative attack from Jaron. He was surprised by the slash being as it was advertised. He managed to evade, but his surprise made him lose the firmness of his guard for a split second. Jaron took the opportunity to grab Vragon’s left arm with his left hand. He then twisted it around his head, spinning himself and Vragon. Vragon tried to slash with a Dragon Claw with his free hand before getting into an arm lock, but Jaron had other plans. He let go and jumped back to evade. He then lunged at the perplexed fraxure, placing his right hand on Vragon’s face. Suddenly, Vragon was sprayed in the face with a scald from Jaron’s hand. He hit ground from the hot water, spitting it out of his mouth.

                    “What the-” Jasmine began, but Dolly interrupted with her observation.

                    “Good move by Jaron.”

                    “How did he use scald from his hand?” a puzzled Jasmine asked.

                    “Didn’t you see him move his arm back? He essentially formed a set up there. Moves like scald can be implemented in several ways. In Jaron’s case, he prefers to use his mouth for the strong blast and speed from it, but he apparently knows how to use it from his hand.”

                    “Wait…his hand?”

                    “The hands usage for moves like that are ideal when wanting to fire two beams of the move and/or firing up close with better accuracy and move flexibility. They are weaker, but Jaron was obviously going for knocking Vragon off balance by taking him by surprise and a quick taking advantage of the moment.”

                    “Oh…” Jasmine said turning her face back to the battle. To her surprise, Vragon was yelping, trying to reach a Jaron with his free arm, since his other one was in an arm lock from Jaron.

                    “Say it!” Jaron said with a laugh afterwards.

                    “Never!” Vragon replied, but let out a shout of pain as Jaron pulled his arm back further with his legs and arms.

                    “Saaaaay it!” Jaron playfully demanded with a smile.

                    “F*** you!” Vragon shouted. A few seconds later and after a few more cries Vragon finally said, “Alright, alright, you win you jackass.” Jaron gave a laugh as he let go of Vragon, who immediately got up and rubbed his hurting right arm.

                    “Good fight Vray, but I’m still the better fighter.”

                    “That was dirty Jaron,” Vragon growled.

                    “Every time I beat you, you call it dirty heh. Don’t be sore Vragon. All’s fair in love and war, besides you did really well.” He offered his hand, which Vragon accepted. The croconaw pulled the fraxure up and gave him a pat on the back.

                    “Thanks, but one of these days I’m going to beat you,” Vragon stated with a competitive tone and smile.

                    “I welcome that moxie so I can put you in your place,” Jaron answered with a smirk, throwing his arm over the dragon’s neck in between his back curve spike and the one on the back of his head.

                    “Well that was a good battle,” Dolly praised, applauding with claps as the two walked over.

                    Jasmine gave a pleased nod and said to Jaron, “Dang Jaron, what else do you have in that head of yours?”

                    “A lot of stuff,” Jaron replied, rubbing his snout with his index finger, “but hey, Vragon surprised me too.” The fraxure gave a smile to the grinning croconaw.

                    Vragon shook his head and said, “Well, since you won I guess you can have it.”

                    Dolly’s eyes suddenly went ghostly. The three looked at her with confusion. Jaron the asked, “Can I have the berry now?”

                    Dolly then gave a weak laugh and began rubbing her left arm with her right. The two boys’ eyes drooped halfway, starting to get the message. “Did you eat it?” Vragon asked with a stare. Jasmine looked at Vragon and Jaron and was worried at the step below murderous stares they had.

                    “Well…I kinda forgot that you both were vying for it on the way here and kinda ate it on instinct. I then realized after I took a bite out of hit, so I ate the rest since you wouldn’t want it aft-”

                    “What the f*** Dolly‽” Jaron shouted, “I would have eaten it anyways!”

                    “Yeah Dolly!” Vragon joined in, “even I would have. That stuff is so good you glutton.”

                    “Now, now you two calm down,” Dolly ordered, with a nervous tone.

                    The two looked at each other and nodded. They both looked at Dolly with angry eyes. “Dolly,” Vragon said, “you have a ten second head start.”

                    “If you don’t make it to some public place where we can’t kill you, then sucks to be you,” Jaron added.
                    Jasmine was about to say something, before Dolly immediately began running. Jasmine called out to which Dolly said, “I kinda deserve it. Wish me luck.”

                    Jaron, who had been counting silently since her fleeing, finally counted out loud, “8…9…kill” The two then rushed after her, as fast as they could. Jasmine just stared at the chase and couldn’t help but shake her head with a smile.

                    “Did I miss something?” a voice suddenly spoke to her left. She leaped back in surprise, but calmed down upon seeing it was Seliph.

                    “Do you just go around scaring people like that?” She said, clearly annoyed by the second surprise encounter.

                    “Sorry, I just got here,” He apologized as he walked up. He gazed at the three in the distance, the two behind catching up to the one in front. “So why are Jaron and Vragon rushing after Dolly with what I think is the intent to harm her?”

                    “Long and rather odd story,” Jasmine said with a shrug.

                    Seliph then just shrugged it off and said, “So what is the plan?”

                    “Oh…well Jaron and Vragon suggested to stay here for a while.”

                    Seliph looked down with a tight-lipped gaze at the ground. Jasmine was about to ask what was wrong, but Seliph broke his silence with, “I’ll have to talk with them about it.”

                    “Huh? You mean you want to leave town?” Jasmine inquired, with a tilt of her head.

                    Seliph took a second to reply. “While this town is safer than back where you live, at the same time they are still in jeopardy. While I do think travel is dangerous at the same time staying here waiting to be attacked isn’t ideal either.”

                    “But how will moving towns help?” she questioned.

                    “Because…” Seliph looked at the chase again, “I have some acquaintances I’m meeting at Frantal Town.”

                    “..Who?” Jasmine said, with a suspicious brow raised.

                    Seliph leaned in close and said, “mon’s my brothers would be happy to see.”

                    “Why would they? I mean, who are these mons?”

                    Seliph gave a sigh and continued. “I want to surprise them so please promise me you won’t tell them.”

                    She nodded and he continued, “Two mon’s that were friends with my parents.”

                    “Really?” She said, and Seliph confirmed with a nod. “They are part of a team that my father and mother were a part of. A Norfarion elite team called Team Alpha.” Seliph then pulled out a Norfarion badge. She eyed it with awe at the red colored shield crest covering a spiky silver ‘X’ made of light metal.

                    “I’m not a part of their team, but I’ve been in contact with them for some time. I told them to meet me at Frantal Town before and then well all this happened.”

                    “I see…well…”

                    “It’s fine, I was planning on telling them my thoughts on going to Frantal Town. I would like your support, but I won’t force you and would be fine with whatever you choose. But if you could think about it then I’d be most grateful.”

                    “Okay…just well…”

                    “I understand,” Seliph said, causing Jasmine to look at him surprised. He looked at the plains opposite the town and said, “You’re with them and I that’s fair. I’m glad you even are talking to me since well, I’m sure you are aware of the things I did to them.”

                    Jasmine looked at the ground with a scowl. She then said in a soft tone, “Why did you leave them like that?”

                    Seliph closed his eyes and said, “I can’t disclose that.”

                    “Why not?”

                    “You’re not the only one who doesn’t trust,” Seliph admitted as he turned to face her. “The world is a big place. Filled with beautiful and terrible things.” He slowly began to walk towards her, “Things that would shock you. I should know, I’ve seen things that still stay with me and my head.”

                    Jasmine backed away slightly, getting really uncomfortable with his approach and seemingly uncanny gaze. Seliph spied this and stopped and apologized.

                    “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”

                    “You’re a good friend to my brothers,” He praised with a smile, “Any friend of them I have high opinions of. I’m glad they have you.” She gave a smile and a nod. “Well I have some things I need to record. I’ll
                    see you later when we decide on our next course of action.”

                    She gave a nod and looked at the ground as he walked past her. I feel he’s being genuine, but why can’t I shake that feeling? I’m certain there’s something he’s not telling and yeah he has secrets I get that. She looked at him as he walked away with a serious stride, But I get the feeling he’s after something…I don’t want Jaron and Ciecro hurt like that again. She gave a snarl and turned around and headed to town.

                    Cluck - An overly talkative person that has become an annoyance/blabbermouth.

                    “I’ve been to places I wouldn’t have visited before. I get to see different things, which is important. It gives me new experiences to draw from.” ~Hidetaka Miyazaki [creator of Bloodborne]
                      #43   Link to this post, but load the entire thread.  
                    Old June 21st, 2018 (10:14 PM).
                    Bay's Avatar
                    Bay Bay is offline
                    Darkinium Z
                    Join Date: May 2006
                    Location: Dani California
                    Gender: Female
                    Nature: Sassy
                    Posts: 5,429
                    So reading thorough both battle scenes we get to see the inhibitors being used there. Ciecro and Seliph seems a bit more personal while Jaron and Vragon’s has some intense action too but a little more lighthearted rivalry going on. Haha over Dolly eating the berry Jaron and Vragon were fighting over.

                    Grammar wise, I still see some dialogue punctuation mistakes mostly having capitalizing the pronouns (he, she, etc) instead of lowercase and overuse of passive voice. I made some comments about that on my last review.

                    "Meowth are all right. They don't care who you are or anything."
                    Foul Play [Chapter Six up!]
                      #44   Link to this post, but load the entire thread.  
                    Old July 18th, 2018 (2:18 PM).
                    Vragon2.0's Avatar
                    Vragon2.0 Vragon2.0 is offline
                    Say it with me (Vray-gun)
                      Join Date: Mar 2018
                      Gender: Male
                      Posts: 188
                      This is where I'm doing the story now, sorry for the inconvenience, but I can't edit the older chapters on this one.

                      Shattered Crests: Book #1 Lines Broken

                      Follow this for my fic on this site. Having the updating and all that stuff, heh.

                      “I’ve been to places I wouldn’t have visited before. I get to see different things, which is important. It gives me new experiences to draw from.” ~Hidetaka Miyazaki [creator of Bloodborne]
                        #45   Link to this post, but load the entire thread.  
                      Old July 18th, 2018 (8:23 PM).
                      Bay's Avatar
                      Bay Bay is offline
                      Darkinium Z
                      Join Date: May 2006
                      Location: Dani California
                      Gender: Female
                      Nature: Sassy
                      Posts: 5,429
                      Okay, gonna close this now as Vragon has made a new thread for his story there so go ahead and check the revised version on the link he provided!

                      "Meowth are all right. They don't care who you are or anything."
                      Foul Play [Chapter Six up!]
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