Rainbow Chara X
Impossible to gauge!
- 129
- Posts
- 8
- Years
- Age 27
- Shiny Hunting in Sinnoh
- Seen today
It was a beautiful day today. Too bad I didn't use it properly.
Chapter 26 - Forget, Let Them Forget
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If I don't do this now, I'll probably never finish it.
[Jack uses the Arclight Spanner to break open the door]
Sweet. What horrors await us inside?
I should probably mention that there is no real reward for doing this aside from experience and context on what happened around here, but aside from that...
The room names don't mean anything anymore, seeing as the strategy of the enemy inside has nothing to do with it.
It was a neat gimmick in the original game, though.
"The Battle Zombie slices a hole in the fabric of time and space with her sword! Looks like she's serious!"
These zombies get more and more outrageous as time passes.
.... Wait.
This feels very familiar.
Ah, good times...
At the time, I was genuinely shocked to encounter a level 58 enemy while our strongest at the time was a level 15 Ace. Now we're level 60 and have a fancy new
type on our side.
[Jeanne used Flamethrower!]
To Jeanne, it's just a notch on her "zombies I've burned to ash" list.
I guess it doesn't really matter what door you pick as long as you make it to the Gym Leader. Cutlerine didn't mess around with the Petalburg Gym and make it a second Madio Caves, so be glad for that.
"The Battle Zombie tries to do a Zorro-style carving on your chest, but can't work out whether to write B or Z. You figure you should fight her before she decides."
Oh, what a ~wacky~ zombie apocalypse. It's as if I've completely forgotten that 60% of the region has been slaughtered/devoured in cold blood by the living dead.
Yo, quick question? What exactly are we punching on Headdoom's body that makes them stop moving?
Bah. Man, we should be really glad this isn't like the Return of the Living Dead of Pokemon, otherwise we'd be **** out of luck.
"You look down to see a large Z for zombie cut into your shirt, and decide to leave."
: "Oh, god damn it! This was my favorite shirt, too!"
[Jack runs away screaming expletives]
"The Battle Zombie flinches away from your presence... Hah! She's scared! Kill her!"
Jesus, game!
Oh hey, the final zombie form of the Venusaur family.
Making a Plants Vs. Zombies joke is far beneath me, so have Jeanne burning it to re-death.
This is the appropriate reaction for anybody that picks a fight with The Crew.
Right... The Gym Leader. I doubt this is going to be easy, so I brought a certain someone.
Juno gets to work for theonly first time in the entire game! See, the
/
type makes her an excellent candidate to take on Norman's Pokemon due to them not being able to touch her... while she can absolutely wreck house. Just watch.
Norman looks... fine. From this distance, anyway. Let's go talk to him.
: "Who - who are you?"
: "You don't remember?"
I hate transcribing Norman's extended dialogue due to it sounding more dopey than terrifying. So instead, I'm writing it normally for the sake of this.
: "No, I - ah!"
[Flash of light]
[Flash of light - theme I would use for this scene: Bottom of the Night]
: "Haha! That's funny, kid. Look, Landon! Jack's playing with your Blaziken."
: "Heh. Ah, Jack's going to become a real powerful Trainer one day, I can sense it."
: "Well, there's two of us in the family! We could always do with more..."
[Flash of light]
In hindsight, this is even more emotional than the Veracity and Winona thing.
: "Hello, Jack. I'm so glad you could make it..."
: "Get away from me!"
: "Come closer... It'll be just like old times... I can make you like me and we can all live together, just like how it used to be..."
: "Dad..."
: "That's right... Come closer..."
[Flash of light]
: "What... what was that? Ah! Get off of me!"
... Did we just get saved by Landon's voice?
: "Buuut iiiit's meeee, Jack. Your faaaaaatheer."
: "No! You're not! I have to - Dad, forgive me!"
[Theme I would use for the boss fight with Monstrous Norman: Cannibal Boss]
That was honestly one of the most twisted things in the game and I love it.
The sprite's pretty disturbing with the unhinged jaw and the green skin.
Oh jesus, Slaking got ****ed up. How does he function with only a jaw for a head?
I should mention that these guys don't have Truant and have all of the strength of normal Slaking so... watch yourself?
Valor breaks all of Rotting's bones with only two punches... at the cost of half of his health. If I had gotten a status effect on Rotting, I'm pretty sure the boost from Facade would murder Valor in one hit.
Norman just has a ton of zombie Slaking for some reason. Since using Valor constantly would be a bad idea, let's break out Juno instead. The enemy isn't completely helpless; They still have Faint Attack to hurt her with, but it does a pittance compared to stuff like Facade and Body Slam.
Skullbreaker is a
type move that has the chance to paralyze due to it being a lethal drop kick. Now I've just got this wonderful image of a Kamen Rider-esque Banette superhero which is absolutely amazing.
^ The screenshot above is after like two or three Full Restores
Like god damn, can you extend the fight any more than you already have? The burn wasn't from Jeanne, actually - Juno knows Will-O-Wisp too. In hindsight, having a
type like Juno would have saved me a ton of headaches in the past.
Bellamine takes out the trash.
At the very least there's some variety instead of it just being Rotting over and over. See, what tipped me off that you were supposed to do this earlier than Esau's gym were the lower levels. I'm covering this now so I don't ever have to show it again in the future.
Believe it or not, this is completely optional.
Jeanne prepares for a Confuse Ray... A single hit from this Gorelax would knock her down to yellow or red. He goes for the Body Slam -
Oh, burned by the ghost!
How does this thing sleep and recover health.
: ("Alright then, if that's the way we're going to be playing...")
[Juno stabs herself with the needle]
: ("Ugh! Let's... see how you like this!")
Yes. I was so done with the enemy spamming stuff like Rest and Full Restores that I went for straight out "break their defense" maneuvers. Don't mess with Juno or you'll pay for it.
OH, YOU MOTHERFU---
[Juno used Skullbreaker!]
I love Juno. She may have never gotten to be on the team before, but she's still damn amazing.
The rest of the fight went like this, pretty much:
: ("That was some good exercise. Thanks for bringing me along, Jack!")
Like hot damn. I don't know what would have happened if I didn't bring Juno along for this.
But yeah, we just beat up our zombified dad and all of his Pokemon. I... don't know how to feel about this.
: "Yoou... have kiilled your faather..."
[Norman crumbled and finally died]
: "That... I don't know... Farewell, father."
: ("... Are you alright, Jack?")
: "Yeah, I'm... fine. Let's just get out of here."
: ("... Poor Jack. This is just like what happened with Veracity and his sister.")
: ("I know...")
: ("Right... I emphasize with his feelings far more than I should, honestly. The best thing would be to never talk about it and just keep supporting him like normal...")
: ("I feel deep frying Senex would be the best way to cheer Jack up. What do you say?")
: ("That'd be a great idea, Jeanne.")
: ("Or maybe we stuff him into a Pokeball, haha.")
Yeah, you don't get anything for defeating Norman aside from one of the darkest moments in the game. I'm not exactly complaining, mind you.
So let's just make our way towards the Abandoned Ship and get that guy's item.
What the hell is this guy screaming about? There's nothing in here that's scary at all.
Whatever the reason, he takes it out on us. Despite his name and the fact he uses Doctor Malfeasance's sprite, he's not important in the slightest.
(oh god is this what Doctor Blackthorn looks like)
He has a Magnezone. Did I mention that you can evolve Magneton into Magnezone with a Thunderstone in this game? Not sure why that's not the actual method, given how it's far more reasonable, but I'm not a developer for Game Freak.
I'll just leave Literally Mad Scientist here to wallow in his own fear.
"PROPERTY OF ANGEL LABORATORIES"
If I'm not mistaken, Angel Laboratories is actually one of the developer groups that helped create Snakewood? If so, subtle.
Since this is a sunken ship, of course there's going to be pirates to plunder.
Note: Water Spout at full health would have murdered Ambes, so understandably I was freaking out.
However, since Ambes blasted 90% of his health off with only one Thunderbolt, it barely does 30 damage. Atta boy.
Valor smashes a Persian into a fine white mist and we get on with our lives.
If I hadn't said it before, Teleporters are essentially Escape Ropes in Snakewood. At least it makes more sense than some random rope.
Oh boy. If Jack wasn't the hero of Snakewood then this guy would have gotten his own amnesiac adventures.
Aka. almost entirely useless considering I don't catch Pokemon underwater.
"Told me to come get some artifact from this ship."
: "Hey, I got that call too! That's why I'm here!"
Guy: "I see... Okay, if you find it, let me know, alright? I don't want to hang around here forever."
Like we're going to give it to this guy.
I love how if you mention the word "pony" today, everybody's going to think of Friendship is Magic. Blargh.
The Sparkly Pony is one of those items that turn into a Pokemon if you leave it at the Endless Plains room in Fort Draco. Back in Fortree, Count D sold off other animals, but I assure you that the "Sparkly Pony" turns into a Blitzle.
... This isn't where I came from. Yes, the ship has randomized entrances. I went one room and came out an entirely different one.
What is the matter with Cutlerine's map hacking? Does he do this on purpose?
At the very least, we get a Revive to add onto the pile of thirty I already have.
See what I mean? This is directly after I went through the door.
Okay, let's just go to the place where we're supposed to.
I should mention that I love the diving music too.
Anybody who's played the original Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald will probably hate this puzzle. It's even worse here.
See the glimmer on the top right? That's actually not where an item is. You have to check around for invisible items on the ground, which means a lot of stopping and pressing A.
A Water Stone would be useful if I had anybody that evolves from it.
For some reason, the keys just couldn't be normal room keys. They have to be ~arcane~ and ****.
Honestly, I didn't like the puzzle back in the original games. It was a lot of effort just to get Ice Beam in a generation where TMs aren't reusable.
Speaking of TMs, here's another Rain Dance... That's nice, I guess?
Oh, it's secret alright. It was so secret I nearly gave up the room.
Isn't the point of a game to have fun? Is anybody having fun?
ab·struse
abˈstro͞os,əbˈstro͞os/
adjective
difficult to understand; obscure.
What a time to pick fancy words to teach to the audience, Cutlerine.
Jack loots so much that I'm surprised he's not a pirate. And that the Crew... literally isn't his crew.
... oh my god I require a picture of this
[Jack finds an old captain's hat on the ground and puts it on his head]
: "Alright, you swabs. I be Captain Jack now, and I'll have none of the lip."
: ("Oh no, he turned into a pirate.")
: "Blast these scurvy keys! I'll keelhaul the oaf what left these rooms locked!"
(if that item name didn't tip you off on what we're getting from this sidequest, then shame on you)
: "By thunder, what be this? Seems to be a sort of stone. Is this what that lubber back at the sewers asked the Great Captain Jack to receive?"
: ("Jack, please stop.")
: "... Okay. But don't think this is the end of Captain Jack."
[Jack puts the hat away]
Guy: "Alright! Now fork it over, kid!"
: "What? You're one of those treacherous types? Well, I know how deal with you: A Pokemon battle!"
Guy: "I have no Pokemon!'
Ooh, awkward.
: "Then I'll beat you up!"
Narration: "Jack beat up the blonde guy! Yeah, you feel manly now, right? You also accidentally hit yourself on the head, so you don't even remember beating him up."
How does Cutlerine do it? Oh right, laziness.
"It's a diary! Read it?"
Oh hey, another one of those apocalypse log things. Let's see what it says.
June 17th, 1992: "Something's up with the cargo. We keep hearing strange noises from the hold in the night... (damaged by seawater)"
??? 21st, 1992: "... Thought I saw someone in my room, but it was just shadows. So many tricks of the eye lately - I think it might be to do with the experiment..."
???, 1992: "Today I die. It's too strong. I know that now. No one can tame it, and it will kill us all. But I won't die at its hands. There's one shot in the barrel, and I'm sick of this fear... Goodbye, cruel world."
You know, it's stuff like this that really makes me doubt that Cutlerine made Snakewood to be "nonsensical." Like there's several hints where we're supposed to take the story seriously but it falls apart when he throws in the crazy **** and the crossovers. It's the same with the sprite quality.
: ("AUGH GOD NOT THIS AGAIN")
Hang in there, Ballin. After this, we never have to go into the sewers again.
Here's what the Mystery Caller man looks like, by the way.
Secret Item Guy: "Wah! Something's coming out of it! Quick, fight it off for me!"
The reward for the sewer sidequest is ultimately a Spiritomb. Nice.
It'd be an even better reward if I knew how to use Spiritomb properly and if we didn't already have a ton of Pokemon to use.
I don't remember how cooperative Spiritomb was. So for all I know, this may have been ball #1 or ball #30. I didn't give her a name because she's technically not part of the crew.
"Thanks for defeating it, kid."
Everybody gets one.
Anyway, since we're nearing the end of the episode, let's kick back at the hotel in Lilycove.
Oh hey, there's actually a ton of people here now. They're the stand-ins for the game developers.
"I had the least amount of work to do because someone else made this region first."
... He has a point.
"I drew things like Radiorange and Luca Zamon! At least, I would have if there had been any real design process..."
Ah, not even them bouncing sick burns on themselves is enough to make this hack less crappy.
"I'm here to shamelessly promote an outdated games console on behalf of my employers!"
Sure, but that's what Nintendo E-Shop is for.
"I'm the Programmer! I program things but I do it really badly and then someone has to point out my mistakes."
I have a thousand things to say, but the biggest one is "What the hell is with the difficulty increase starting at the Elite Four?"
Despite this, I have to admit that the eventing in Snakewood is actually top notch stuff.
"I'm a lecherous fat man who has no connection with this company at all!"
I bet you feel really proud of yourself, then.
"Oh, is that right? You're working on a Pokedex? It's tough trying to complete it, but don't give up. If you do complete it, please come show me."
Yeah, no. Snakewood is not a good enough game to complete 100%. I'm only covering the game as far as I am because nobody else is doing it as extensively or lose steam before they make it to Gym Island.
Oh, you mean the same cookie-cutter sprite you use for every other zombie character? Just sayin'...
"How do I know your name? That's easy - I'm the Cutlerine! This is Game Break, the people who are ostensibly behind this Rom Hack. As their name suggests, they're also a bad parody. Why not chat to them for a while?"
... Yeah, I'm just... That's enough game for one day. We're probably going to regret not blasting Cutlerine into the stratosphere in the future.
Next time on Pokemon Snakewood, we go digging. See you then.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sidequest List:
(Bellamine,
, Level 61,
) - "It's that presence again! The same one we encountered at the Madio Caves and Mt. Pyre! Be careful, Jack!"
(Ambes,
, Level 60,
) - "Sorta liked pirate Jack, to be honest."
(Jeanne,
, Level 60,
) - "I think the last thing we need is our team leader becoming eccentric like every other person in this region, Ambes."
(Valor,
, Level 62, has Plus Band,
/
) - "I don't like the looks of this Cutlerine guy, to be frank..."
(Ace,
, Level 58, has Anadrin Talon,
/
) - "Me neither. So... what's this I hear about a 'Captain Jack'?"
(Ballin,
, level 62,
/
) - * is washing the taste of sewage out of his mouth *
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Back-up Team:
(Reggie,
, Level 61, has Leftovers,
/
) - "Juno whupped those guys into next week."
(Zagon,
, Level 63,
/
) - "I can't believe Jack had to re-kill his own father... That's awful."
(Alice,
, level 62,
) - "He meant a lot to Jack in the past, didn't he? Nya..."
(Juno,
, Level 60,
/
) - "Fighting all of those Rotting and Gorelax really took it out of me..."
(Umbra,
, Level 62,
) - "You did a good job, though."
(Tohru,
, Level 60,
/
) - "Norman sounds like a fine man... I assume so, given how Jack is his son."
(Pumbloom,
, level 56,
) - "ARE YOU OKAY, BALLIN?"
(Wagner,
, Level 57,
/
) - * Is asleep with Chloris resting on him *
(Chloris,
, level 61,
/
) - * Is sound asleep sleeping on top of Wagner *
(Beatrice,
, Level 50,
/
) - "So... Miss Juno. You need some aroma in your life. Please, relax for a bit!~" [creates a soothing smell out of her rose-hands]
(Shine,
, level 33,
) - "Poor Jack... I'm sure the pirate thing was a way to cope with what happened."
(Spark,
, level 32,
) - "... I wouldn't say that, sis."
(Alpha, level 55,
/
) - "AH, SO EVEN THE HERO HAS A WEAKNESS..."
(Letro, level 50,
/
) - "YOU DO REALIZE HE CAN STILL KICK YOU OUT OF THE TEAM, RIGHT? BZZT!"
(Menti,
, level 57,
/
) - "Guys? Can I come into the other box, please? I'm not contagious - I promise! Please...?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 26 - Forget, Let Them Forget
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Spoiler:
If I don't do this now, I'll probably never finish it.
[Jack uses the Arclight Spanner to break open the door]
Sweet. What horrors await us inside?
I should probably mention that there is no real reward for doing this aside from experience and context on what happened around here, but aside from that...
The room names don't mean anything anymore, seeing as the strategy of the enemy inside has nothing to do with it.
It was a neat gimmick in the original game, though.
"The Battle Zombie slices a hole in the fabric of time and space with her sword! Looks like she's serious!"
These zombies get more and more outrageous as time passes.
.... Wait.
This feels very familiar.
Ah, good times...
At the time, I was genuinely shocked to encounter a level 58 enemy while our strongest at the time was a level 15 Ace. Now we're level 60 and have a fancy new
[Jeanne used Flamethrower!]
To Jeanne, it's just a notch on her "zombies I've burned to ash" list.
I guess it doesn't really matter what door you pick as long as you make it to the Gym Leader. Cutlerine didn't mess around with the Petalburg Gym and make it a second Madio Caves, so be glad for that.
"The Battle Zombie tries to do a Zorro-style carving on your chest, but can't work out whether to write B or Z. You figure you should fight her before she decides."
Oh, what a ~wacky~ zombie apocalypse. It's as if I've completely forgotten that 60% of the region has been slaughtered/devoured in cold blood by the living dead.
Yo, quick question? What exactly are we punching on Headdoom's body that makes them stop moving?
Bah. Man, we should be really glad this isn't like the Return of the Living Dead of Pokemon, otherwise we'd be **** out of luck.
"You look down to see a large Z for zombie cut into your shirt, and decide to leave."
[Jack runs away screaming expletives]
"The Battle Zombie flinches away from your presence... Hah! She's scared! Kill her!"
Jesus, game!
Oh hey, the final zombie form of the Venusaur family.
Making a Plants Vs. Zombies joke is far beneath me, so have Jeanne burning it to re-death.
This is the appropriate reaction for anybody that picks a fight with The Crew.
Right... The Gym Leader. I doubt this is going to be easy, so I brought a certain someone.
Juno gets to work for the
Norman looks... fine. From this distance, anyway. Let's go talk to him.
I hate transcribing Norman's extended dialogue due to it sounding more dopey than terrifying. So instead, I'm writing it normally for the sake of this.
[Flash of light]
[Flash of light - theme I would use for this scene: Bottom of the Night]
[Flash of light]
In hindsight, this is even more emotional than the Veracity and Winona thing.
[Flash of light]
... Did we just get saved by Landon's voice?
[Theme I would use for the boss fight with Monstrous Norman: Cannibal Boss]
That was honestly one of the most twisted things in the game and I love it.
The sprite's pretty disturbing with the unhinged jaw and the green skin.
Oh jesus, Slaking got ****ed up. How does he function with only a jaw for a head?
I should mention that these guys don't have Truant and have all of the strength of normal Slaking so... watch yourself?
Valor breaks all of Rotting's bones with only two punches... at the cost of half of his health. If I had gotten a status effect on Rotting, I'm pretty sure the boost from Facade would murder Valor in one hit.
Norman just has a ton of zombie Slaking for some reason. Since using Valor constantly would be a bad idea, let's break out Juno instead. The enemy isn't completely helpless; They still have Faint Attack to hurt her with, but it does a pittance compared to stuff like Facade and Body Slam.
Skullbreaker is a
^ The screenshot above is after like two or three Full Restores
Like god damn, can you extend the fight any more than you already have? The burn wasn't from Jeanne, actually - Juno knows Will-O-Wisp too. In hindsight, having a
Bellamine takes out the trash.
At the very least there's some variety instead of it just being Rotting over and over. See, what tipped me off that you were supposed to do this earlier than Esau's gym were the lower levels. I'm covering this now so I don't ever have to show it again in the future.
Believe it or not, this is completely optional.
Jeanne prepares for a Confuse Ray... A single hit from this Gorelax would knock her down to yellow or red. He goes for the Body Slam -
Oh, burned by the ghost!
How does this thing sleep and recover health.
[Juno stabs herself with the needle]
Yes. I was so done with the enemy spamming stuff like Rest and Full Restores that I went for straight out "break their defense" maneuvers. Don't mess with Juno or you'll pay for it.
OH, YOU MOTHERFU---
[Juno used Skullbreaker!]
I love Juno. She may have never gotten to be on the team before, but she's still damn amazing.
The rest of the fight went like this, pretty much:
Like hot damn. I don't know what would have happened if I didn't bring Juno along for this.
But yeah, we just beat up our zombified dad and all of his Pokemon. I... don't know how to feel about this.
[Norman crumbled and finally died]
Yeah, you don't get anything for defeating Norman aside from one of the darkest moments in the game. I'm not exactly complaining, mind you.
So let's just make our way towards the Abandoned Ship and get that guy's item.
What the hell is this guy screaming about? There's nothing in here that's scary at all.
Whatever the reason, he takes it out on us. Despite his name and the fact he uses Doctor Malfeasance's sprite, he's not important in the slightest.
(oh god is this what Doctor Blackthorn looks like)
He has a Magnezone. Did I mention that you can evolve Magneton into Magnezone with a Thunderstone in this game? Not sure why that's not the actual method, given how it's far more reasonable, but I'm not a developer for Game Freak.
I'll just leave Literally Mad Scientist here to wallow in his own fear.
"PROPERTY OF ANGEL LABORATORIES"
If I'm not mistaken, Angel Laboratories is actually one of the developer groups that helped create Snakewood? If so, subtle.
Since this is a sunken ship, of course there's going to be pirates to plunder.
Note: Water Spout at full health would have murdered Ambes, so understandably I was freaking out.
However, since Ambes blasted 90% of his health off with only one Thunderbolt, it barely does 30 damage. Atta boy.
Valor smashes a Persian into a fine white mist and we get on with our lives.
If I hadn't said it before, Teleporters are essentially Escape Ropes in Snakewood. At least it makes more sense than some random rope.
Oh boy. If Jack wasn't the hero of Snakewood then this guy would have gotten his own amnesiac adventures.
Aka. almost entirely useless considering I don't catch Pokemon underwater.
"Told me to come get some artifact from this ship."
Guy: "I see... Okay, if you find it, let me know, alright? I don't want to hang around here forever."
Like we're going to give it to this guy.
I love how if you mention the word "pony" today, everybody's going to think of Friendship is Magic. Blargh.
The Sparkly Pony is one of those items that turn into a Pokemon if you leave it at the Endless Plains room in Fort Draco. Back in Fortree, Count D sold off other animals, but I assure you that the "Sparkly Pony" turns into a Blitzle.
... This isn't where I came from. Yes, the ship has randomized entrances. I went one room and came out an entirely different one.
What is the matter with Cutlerine's map hacking? Does he do this on purpose?
At the very least, we get a Revive to add onto the pile of thirty I already have.
See what I mean? This is directly after I went through the door.
Okay, let's just go to the place where we're supposed to.
I should mention that I love the diving music too.
Anybody who's played the original Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald will probably hate this puzzle. It's even worse here.
See the glimmer on the top right? That's actually not where an item is. You have to check around for invisible items on the ground, which means a lot of stopping and pressing A.
A Water Stone would be useful if I had anybody that evolves from it.
For some reason, the keys just couldn't be normal room keys. They have to be ~arcane~ and ****.
Honestly, I didn't like the puzzle back in the original games. It was a lot of effort just to get Ice Beam in a generation where TMs aren't reusable.
Speaking of TMs, here's another Rain Dance... That's nice, I guess?
Oh, it's secret alright. It was so secret I nearly gave up the room.
Isn't the point of a game to have fun? Is anybody having fun?
ab·struse
abˈstro͞os,əbˈstro͞os/
adjective
difficult to understand; obscure.
What a time to pick fancy words to teach to the audience, Cutlerine.
Jack loots so much that I'm surprised he's not a pirate. And that the Crew... literally isn't his crew.
... oh my god I require a picture of this
[Jack finds an old captain's hat on the ground and puts it on his head]
(if that item name didn't tip you off on what we're getting from this sidequest, then shame on you)
[Jack puts the hat away]
Guy: "Alright! Now fork it over, kid!"
Guy: "I have no Pokemon!'
Ooh, awkward.
Narration: "Jack beat up the blonde guy! Yeah, you feel manly now, right? You also accidentally hit yourself on the head, so you don't even remember beating him up."
How does Cutlerine do it? Oh right, laziness.
"It's a diary! Read it?"
Oh hey, another one of those apocalypse log things. Let's see what it says.
June 17th, 1992: "Something's up with the cargo. We keep hearing strange noises from the hold in the night... (damaged by seawater)"
??? 21st, 1992: "... Thought I saw someone in my room, but it was just shadows. So many tricks of the eye lately - I think it might be to do with the experiment..."
???, 1992: "Today I die. It's too strong. I know that now. No one can tame it, and it will kill us all. But I won't die at its hands. There's one shot in the barrel, and I'm sick of this fear... Goodbye, cruel world."
You know, it's stuff like this that really makes me doubt that Cutlerine made Snakewood to be "nonsensical." Like there's several hints where we're supposed to take the story seriously but it falls apart when he throws in the crazy **** and the crossovers. It's the same with the sprite quality.
Hang in there, Ballin. After this, we never have to go into the sewers again.
Here's what the Mystery Caller man looks like, by the way.
Secret Item Guy: "Wah! Something's coming out of it! Quick, fight it off for me!"
The reward for the sewer sidequest is ultimately a Spiritomb. Nice.
It'd be an even better reward if I knew how to use Spiritomb properly and if we didn't already have a ton of Pokemon to use.
I don't remember how cooperative Spiritomb was. So for all I know, this may have been ball #1 or ball #30. I didn't give her a name because she's technically not part of the crew.
"Thanks for defeating it, kid."
Everybody gets one.
Anyway, since we're nearing the end of the episode, let's kick back at the hotel in Lilycove.
Oh hey, there's actually a ton of people here now. They're the stand-ins for the game developers.
"I had the least amount of work to do because someone else made this region first."
... He has a point.
"I drew things like Radiorange and Luca Zamon! At least, I would have if there had been any real design process..."
Ah, not even them bouncing sick burns on themselves is enough to make this hack less crappy.
"I'm here to shamelessly promote an outdated games console on behalf of my employers!"
Sure, but that's what Nintendo E-Shop is for.
"I'm the Programmer! I program things but I do it really badly and then someone has to point out my mistakes."
I have a thousand things to say, but the biggest one is "What the hell is with the difficulty increase starting at the Elite Four?"
Despite this, I have to admit that the eventing in Snakewood is actually top notch stuff.
"I'm a lecherous fat man who has no connection with this company at all!"
I bet you feel really proud of yourself, then.
"Oh, is that right? You're working on a Pokedex? It's tough trying to complete it, but don't give up. If you do complete it, please come show me."
Yeah, no. Snakewood is not a good enough game to complete 100%. I'm only covering the game as far as I am because nobody else is doing it as extensively or lose steam before they make it to Gym Island.
Oh, you mean the same cookie-cutter sprite you use for every other zombie character? Just sayin'...
"How do I know your name? That's easy - I'm the Cutlerine! This is Game Break, the people who are ostensibly behind this Rom Hack. As their name suggests, they're also a bad parody. Why not chat to them for a while?"
... Yeah, I'm just... That's enough game for one day. We're probably going to regret not blasting Cutlerine into the stratosphere in the future.
Next time on Pokemon Snakewood, we go digging. See you then.
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Sidequest List:
- Collect all fifty Broken Hearts (8 out of 50)
- Get Strength to move the boulders
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Back-up Team:
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