I think I've developed Health Anxiety

So this is a story, and when you read it you might not understand how it relates to mental health or anxiety, so if you do happen to not understand, keep reading, I'll explain everything.

This is a rant, and it's first world problem, and it's pretty cringy, so prepare.

It all starts around a year ago.
I've had a toenail surgery because of an ingrown toenail.
The anesthesia shots were very painful(the doctor dished them out like I was cattle), he didn't wait for each shot to start numbing the area a little before giving the next one, but I powered through.

About a year later, my toenail fully regrown, but I managed to fuck up and cause another ingrown toenail and got another surgery. Again, hurt like hell, and after this surgery is when the anxiety started to kick in.

I can't emphasize enough - this doctor was VERY BAD at giving anesthesia shots.

So anyway, the rest of this new nail that grew looked weird, a part of it was slightly raised and split, but I thought nothing of it.
Apparently I contracted a fungus during recovery. I never had any kind of fungus so I had no idea. I just thought it's a weird toenail anomaly.
About a month later this split in the nail caused one side to grow in, forcing me to yet another surgery.

On the one hand I was terrified about going to this doctor again(the only surgeon in the clinic near where I live), but on the other hand I was also terrified of the ingrown toenail. I was never so afraid or terrified or anxious about such a thing, and I experienced it before.

So I ended up getting an emergency referal from my family doctor to another clinic that would accept me the same day if I bring a referal.
So yeah, I was both terrified and relieved that I'm going to get this over with. I didn't even give any thought to the fungus situation.

So I get there, and BOY HOWDY did things go much better than last time.
I was dreading the anesthesia shots so much, and I was like holding my breath as the surgeon gave me the first one, but it didn't hurt nearly as much as it did the last time I had a surgery. I was flabbergasted.
Also, he waited between each shot so it wouldn't hurt as much. He ended up giving me more shots and it took more time because he waited for the first ones to work before continuing, but the experience was way less traumatic for it and I was so thanfkul.

Anyway, this whole ordeal is over, I had like 1/4 of my toenail removed. I go home for recovery.
You'd expect I'd be waaay less anxious now, but not only did I stay anxious about the state of my nails, I also started being anxious about the toenail fungus.
After a while I found myself obsessing over any little pain or discomfort in my nails, especially my toenails.
For example: I cut the toenail on my other foot a little wrong, a little too rounded and short, and immediately started panicking over it. It's been a month since, and I still obsess and worry over it. Worrying it'll become ingrown and I'll have to get another surgery, and that while recovering it might contract the fungus from the other toenail even though it's getting treated with anti-fungals.

Every single little thing, every little pain or discomfort causes anxiety and fear.
I've also been deathly afraid of my fungus getting worse, of me not being able to visit relatives for the weeked because I couldn't use their shower from the fear of getting THEM infected. I even thought about thing like 'how could I manage a relationship with this, how could I let a girl sleep and shower at my place when I have this condition?'.

So yeah.
This has been a very awful time for me. I'm very miserable.
I started taking clonazepam due to not being able to sleep some nights from anxiety and panicked thoughts about ingrown toenails and toenail fungus.

Sorry you had to read through that, but I really needed to vent.

As someone who has anxiety and is prone to worrying over the smallest of situations, I completely understand. One bad (or in your case, several) instance(s) could easily trigger an ongoing fear. It's similar to anxiety as a whole -- earlier on, I could sometimes hardly sleep since any little breathing discomfort or chest cramp would be attributed to anxiety. Mostly because during the beginning stages I was told what I was experiencing was likely anxiety and not just 'being nervous' like my kid self thought...knowing it was a mental health thing made the panic set in more strongly, since it was no longer as 'normal' as I thought. Because of a bad experience with turbulence on a plane, I've grown to fear all subsequent plane rides and the stress will build up immensely as we get closer to a trip. etc

Your experience sounds dreadful and I'm sorry to hear about those doctors not waiting long enough for anesthesia to kick in. =( This seems like something which will fade in time though, I think. Am hopeful with a little bit of patience this is something you'll eventually stop worrying as much over.

Keep an eye on your toe to make sure it's healing properly and work on improving your toe nail clipping technique in order to clip ingrown toe nails before they become a problem. This along with reassuring yourself that you won't be going back to the old doctor should help calm you down.

Sheep said:

As someone who has anxiety and is prone to worrying over the smallest of situations, I completely understand. One bad (or in your case, several) instance(s) could easily trigger an ongoing fear. It's similar to anxiety as a whole -- earlier on, I could sometimes hardly sleep since any little breathing discomfort or chest cramp would be attributed to anxiety. Mostly because during the beginning stages I was told what I was experiencing was likely anxiety and not just 'being nervous' like my kid self thought...knowing it was a mental health thing made the panic set in more strongly, since it was no longer as 'normal' as I thought. Because of a bad experience with turbulence on a plane, I've grown to fear all subsequent plane rides and the stress will build up immensely as we get closer to a trip. etc

Your experience sounds dreadful and I'm sorry to hear about those doctors not waiting long enough for anesthesia to kick in. =( This seems like something which will fade in time though, I think. Am hopeful with a little bit of patience this is something you'll eventually stop worrying as much over.

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Well the problem was with one doctor(the same one did all surgeries before the last one).
The second one was wonderful.
Thanks for the understanding.

Kai Ai said:

Keep an eye on your toe to make sure it's healing properly and work on improving your toe nail clipping technique in order to clip ingrown toe nails before they become a problem. This along with reassuring yourself that you won't be going back to the old doctor should help calm you down.

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Well, the fungus will take a while to fight, and I doubt I will manage to kill it before the removed toenail part regrows, and as long as the fungus is there, it will probably regrow ingrown in one side again.
I'm not a very optimistic person as you can tell. I really hope I'll be proven wrong.
Anyway, yeah. I'll try and not fuck up too greatly with my healthy toes.

I'm not sure if it's health anxiety or just simply not wanting to go to the doctor.. But I try to avoid the doctor at all costs, especially cause I don't wanna pay a ridiculous amount to this corrupt system. I had surgery 4 or so years ago for my appendix and it got so bad that it was going on for months and the specialists kept doing wrong testings until I blew up on them and told them they need to do their fucking jobs or my family will be suing you guys if I die. They quickly brought me in and after testings found out I had appendicitis and the poison was eating away at my organs and I was dying, literally had maybe a week or 2 to live. Was pretty scary to say the least. So I don't like doctors because if they're not getting their money they don't give a shit and they're never getting that 12k I owe after insurance, they can take it to collections or shove it I could care less. I still to this day get medical bills and I just throw them away. I'm not paying the hospital. Fuck them.

Again, not sure if it's anxiety or watching my health.. But with the obesity problem in America (I'm only 160 lbs) you'd think people would quit eating this processed junk food that's giving people heart problems, diabetes, cancer, etc. I watch my nutrition cause if I eat processed crap it messes with my mental health as well. Since I started eating healthy I've felt more healthy mentally and physically.

Yeah, in a world where profit is cared more about health I don't blame people for having health anxiety. There's a reason people don't go to the ER or doctor. If I can do it myself, I don't need a doctor.

PhoenixIgnition said:

Well, the fungus will take a while to fight, and I doubt I will manage to kill it before the removed toenail part regrows, and as long as the fungus is there, it will probably regrow ingrown in one side again.
I'm not a very optimistic person as you can tell. I really hope I'll be proven wrong.
Anyway, yeah. I'll try and not psyduck up too greatly with my healthy toes.

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It will have plenty of time to go away before your toe nail regenerates. Even fungus under the nail can be handled with medicine and thorough cleaning so I'm sure you'll be fine.