*vent*

Started by Drifblim August 13th, 2007 10:54 AM
  • 1094 views
  • 4 replies
Age 34
New Jersey
Seen September 2nd, 2007
Posted August 13th, 2007
1,773 posts
17.7 Years
I'm aware that I might face a warning for writing this, but I believe that I need to get this all off my chest so that not only the staff but all PC members can hear.

Yes, it's me, and I've decided to drag up the topic of my lash-outs and conflict again. This time, however, I'm not going to attack anyone. Rather, I have come to think that this is just a repeat of things that I can only blame myself for, rather than uncontrollable forces.

The stuff I said about the staff admins and the site admins — maintaining that, because they had rights to the server itself, the site admins had all power over the staff admins beyond question of equality (which was derived from the PKMN.NET admins saying that they had full control just because of their FTP rights and the fact that that the webmaster was paying for hosting) — the lashing out at the DCC (which I not only accused of being a vestigial chat thread that hindered discussions on the whole site, but also blamed for a lack of activity on Other Voting Polls), pairing, and many other things that went on at PC — to be truthful, I enjoyed many things here, before and after I was elevated to moderator. It's just that my sudden change of view and empty arguments were what happened when something personal — in this case what went on with Kelsey, Dawson, Karli, and the others, combined with troubles in the staff at another gaming site — came unglued, causing me a lot of stress that I didn't know how to handle.

The only way I could vent my anger was by launching attacks on things of which I exaggerated offences, which usually would be anything the admins of PKMN.NET would not like on their own forums. At the time I was looking for a fight — it was the only way I knew that would help me with my stress problem. On one side of the field, I had the forums on the other gaming site — mismanaged, full of volunteer mods who fought amongst themselves, and a rogue admin I couldn't stand working with. In fact, ever since I left that gaming site as an admin, I think I've felt a lot better — I no longer have to put up with mods who can't stand this rogue admin, mods who gamble their spots, or those who don't have a clue or just want to annoy me. (I have recently rejoined as an admin, after thinking the site had improved enough.)

On the other side, as you're aware, I had PC members. As you know, I had offended Karli and Kelsey to the point where Dawson took it upon himself to berate me for it. When I did, I probably never knew much of their feelings; I guess that's a trait I've been cursed with. When I fought with them, I automatically assumed that the entirety of the staff were on their side and were ready to attack me as well, lying to me about how I was useful to them as they did. I was paranoid, blind to how they really felt. All I cared about was getting rid of my stress, and the feelings I had; everything else took the back seat.

This isn't the first time I've been through this, either. I had gotten in an argument with a friend two years ago, which led me to take the ensuing anger out on PKMN.NET. I joined a site called the PokéLab, and I ended up supporting their decision to plagiarise texts on PKMN.NET, just because I thought an admin named Joeno 'deserved it' for 'mistreating members'. I was banned as a result, and out of my anger all I did was rant and rave at PUK — Joeno in particular — until my rhetoric was denounced by everyone on the PokéLab. Eventually, the PokéLab collapsed, when the admins decided they weren't into Pokémon any more and left the site. That angered me very much, so I decided to leave as well. Since I was not enjoying SPPf at the time, I decided to flee and join PC. Eventually I was so depressed that I decided to approach Joeno and the other PKMN.NET admins and apologise. They accepted my apology and unbanned me.

To try to control my anger, I told myself that the fact that I was a PKMN.NET member and sought their advice often on how PC should be managed led to the staff being against me. The truth is, though, that they weren't telling me what to do, but I had, rather, decided that PC should be run under a liberal policy like theirs. The admins there are of the mind that all decisions about the site rest with the admins only, and that the members are in general so untrustworthy that the most must be done to make sure that no rules are broken. To demonstrate the contrast between this policy and that of PC, I'll mention that some mod I know had received permission to lock all threads in their forum that had not been posted in for thirty days; while much of the staff agreed, one staff admin did not, explaining that such a number of locked threads would leave a bad impression on members. The dissenting admin, unfortunately, is quite known for his stances against 'n00bs', and I consider the rejection of this idea as putting too much faith in such members to know what the rules are before posting in outdated threads.

My objective as a moderator — which did, no doubt start with my love for PC — eventually came to impose a liberal policy that would have put members in a position to break as few rules as possible. This would have required full participation from the other staff. Some liked what I was doing. Others, bitten by my harsh attitude toward them, started to resent my existence on staff. I think it was when I fought with Dawson and his friends that I started putting severe doubt upon myself as a moderator — after all, using the mod control panel to track someone's whereabouts in a stalking operation would be considered abuse of power. I kept telling myself that because of this, and because of PC's rejection of some of the policies I tried to come up with, I had no place on the staff — or on PC at all. I've felt this way for six months, and no-one has accepted my plea for consolation, perhaps because I'm just an impatient man who wants things to be resolved and restored quickly and by force.

I'm starting to think that this self-imposed struggle is mirroring the events I have just mentioned. It may have been triggered by policy, but in the end, it was all the fault of my inability to handle it. I just had no one to help me through everything, and I felt alone, even with people who tried. I'm sorry, Geoff — I know that all you were trying to do was help, but what you told me to do I just found painful and unreachable at best at the time. If you've got any more suggestions for me, I'll be glad to hear them. As for you, Andy — you blocked me in response to a rule in Other Voting Polls that prohibited anyone from posting in a thread unless they were explaining a vote, due mainly to 22sa going off topic so much. I was frustrated when I first asked you because you didn't remember; that's why I flipped out. I can probably understand why you don't want to deal with me any more even as I've recanted: I was just someone in the eaves trying to force change for himself so that he wouldn't have to fight.

To summarise, I've been yelling at you all and being an ass not because of any of you. You had your rights, and I couldn't see things the way you did. I just could not control my emotions, and I still don't think I can. It is not your fault, or the fault of PKMN.NET or any other site. It is my own fault that I am hated here.

I guess I've done so much that I don't feel welcome here any more. That's why I've been so inactive. Can anyone forgive me for what I've done?
Age 37
Seafoam Island
Seen February 2nd, 2010
Posted February 2nd, 2010
3,537 posts
19.7 Years
Please take a break on this issue and move on. Locked.

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Arcanine

There is no "-tina"

Age 34
In your fridge eating your food o.o
Seen November 9th, 2012
Posted October 31st, 2012
24,271 posts
19.7 Years
I'm aware that I might face a warning for writing this, but I believe that I need to get this all off my chest so that not only the staff but all PC members can hear.
How about facing a banning? So I don't have to deal with your crap anymore. I am so damn fed up with this that I should ban you and get it over with. I don't know how many times I've had to hear some stupid apology from you on all this. And I've gotten to a point where I can take it anymore. Trying to get other people to say "Tell Andy I'm sorry." I've told you 1000 times GIVE IT UP, I'm not taking your apology. And just today you had to use Erica to get to me in saying "Tell Andy I'm sorry.". I've had enough of it.


Yes, it's me, and I've decided to drag up the topic of my lash-outs and conflict again. This time, however, I'm not going to attack anyone. Rather, I have come to think that this is just a repeat of things that I can only blame myself for, rather than uncontrollable forces.
How about you just drop it for good, and leave PC, and leave all of us alone? Make it easy for everyone?


The stuff I said about the staff admins and the site admins — maintaining that, because they had rights to the server itself, the site admins had all power over the staff admins beyond question of equality (which was derived from the PKMN.NET admins saying that they had full control just because of their FTP rights and the fact that that the webmaster was paying for hosting) — the lashing out at the DCC (which I not only accused of being a vestigial chat thread that hindered discussions on the whole site, but also blamed for a lack of activity on Other Voting Polls), pairing, and many other things that went on at PC — to be truthful, I enjoyed many things here, before and after I was elevated to moderator. It's just that my sudden change of view and empty arguments were what happened when something personal — in this case what went on with Kelsey, Dawson, Karli, and the others, combined with troubles in the staff at another gaming site — came unglued, causing me a lot of stress that I didn't know how to handle.
Here we go with PKMN.NET again, my God, you talk about that site/forum so much if it was a person I'd say "get a room".
Yes yes, you were wrong about all that. Moving on...


To try to control my anger, I told myself that the fact that I was a PKMN.NET member and sought their advice often on how PC should be managed led to the staff being against me. The truth is, though, that they weren't telling me what to do, but I had, rather, decided that PC should be run under a liberal policy like theirs. The admins there are of the mind that all decisions about the site rest with the admins only, and that the members are in general so untrustworthy that the most must be done to make sure that no rules are broken.
And you're stupid for doing so. When you are Modded to a forum you don't run off to another forum and ask "How should this be done?", each forum is different, and shouldn't be mixed together. If you didn't know the ways of PC you should have asked another Mod or a Higher Staff member. If I somehow ended up Modding on SPPF I wouldn't run back to PC and ask "Hey, this thread came up on SPPF, how should I take care of it?". I don't care what what rank you held on PKMN.NET, I don't care what rank you held on PC. You are flat out stupid for thinking it's best to ask one forum how another forum should be run.


To demonstrate the contrast between this policy and that of PC, I'll mention that some mod I know had received permission to lock all threads in their forum that had not been posted in for thirty days; while much of the staff agreed, one staff admin did not, explaining that such a number of locked threads would leave a bad impression on members. The dissenting admin, unfortunately, is quite known for his stances against 'n00bs', and I consider the rejection of this idea as putting too much faith in such members to know what the rules are before posting in outdated threads.
And I'd like to know how you know that. I'd like to know how you know something out of the Staff forums or that's a Staff matter. I'd like to know who the hell is leaking all that to you. I know you won't tell, don't want to get the person in trouble. But should I start naming names? Because I got a few people in mind and I'm pretty sure one of these people will be the one that leaked to you.
And I'm pretty sure the one who leaked will likely read this. And I want you (the person who told CW) to know that if I do find out who did it you will be grilled so bad you wish you hadn't talked to CW that day. And the whole "I didn't know I did anything wrong" sympathy act won't fly with me.

You're just a bag full of trouble aren't you CW, not only are you a pain in the ass but you can somehow get your hands on Staff knowledge. You are able to get around, I'll give you that.


My objective as a moderator — which did, no doubt start with my love for PC — eventually came to impose a liberal policy that would have put members in a position to break as few rules as possible. This would have required full participation from the other staff. Some liked what I was doing. Others, bitten by my harsh attitude toward them, started to resent my existence on staff.
Since I'm in the mood, lets get it all out. How you said you only paired with a Mod/S-Mod so that you could be Modded on PC. How you always talked in matters you thought you knew best on. How you told a few of us (Myself, Dawson, Karli, Kelsey, and maybe a few others) that if we didn't take your apology and didn't agree on you being a Mod again that you'd see that each and every one of us would be kicked from the Staff. How you were always trying to undermine us, how you were always talking about us, how tried to push your ways around PC. You weren't trying to better PC, you were trying to get your ways.


As for you, Andy — you blocked me in response to a rule in Other Voting Polls that prohibited anyone from posting in a thread unless they were explaining a vote, due mainly to 22sa going off topic so much. I was frustrated when I first asked you because you didn't remember; that's why I flipped out. I can probably understand why you don't want to deal with me any more even as I've recanted: I was just someone in the eaves trying to force change for himself so that he wouldn't have to fight.
CW, I will say this one last time, so open your ears and listen well.
I don't block Mods on MSN because it's fun to do, or because I don't like what they do in their forums on PC. If you're a Mod, added me to your MSN list, and if I don't show up, here are 2 reasons why.
1: I didn't know who you were and you were deleted and blocked.
2: I find you annoying or I don't like you personally.
You CW, ended up in 2. Brandon was in 2, Bobby was in 2. CW I found you so damn annoying that you ended up blocked on my MSN list (maybe what you did in OVP was around the time I blocked you, maybe that was what set me off. But the main reason to why you were blocked was because you annoyed me to death).


To summarise, I've been yelling at you all and being an ass not because of any of you. You had your rights, and I couldn't see things the way you did. I just could not control my emotions, and I still don't think I can. It is not your fault, or the fault of PKMN.NET or any other site. It is my own fault that I am hated here.
PKMN.NET this, PKMN.NET that, PKMN.NET, PKMN.NET, PKMN.NET, shut up about PKMN.NET. PKMN.NET isn't the prob here, it's you CW, you and your holier than thou attitude that gives you such a big head where you think you're like the king of the world. It's you thinking you know best, but got nothing to back it up with. You think "Well I know things better then SAs, I know things better then AAs and S-Mods." when you were only a Mod. I'm sorry (and sorry to the Mods), but making you a Mod on PC doesn't mean you know PC better then S-Mods, or an AA, or a very high ranking SA. You got to have an ego the size of Alaska to think you do.


I guess I've done so much that I don't feel welcome here any more. That's why I've been so inactive. Can anyone forgive me for what I've done?
No, I don't won't forgive you, I will not forgive you. My forgiveness as a person has left long long ago, I don't randomly forgive people unless a I got a reason. And you CW, I've got a reason to want you out of my life forever. But sadly, I can't do something like a world block button for you, I'll just have to deal with you blocked and deleted on MSN.

Get over it CW, move on, and don't bring it up again. Because I'm sure all of us are sick of hearing your mouth run on this matter. I don't want a PM from you explaining why, I don't want a PM from you going "I'm sorry for posting the thread and bringing it up again.", I just want you to shut up on the matter and don't talk to me anymore or try to talk to me anymore. Get a life CW.

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