Random Poem

Started by Craig² August 14th, 2007 1:30 PM
  • 1011 views
  • 9 replies
Age 27
Clinging to Shuri
Seen December 7th, 2007
Posted December 5th, 2007
893 posts
15.9 Years
They act as if you never left,
As though your life was meaningless,
As though you were of no importance...
No longer am I aknowledged,
Just left alone in the corner of the room,
Wondering where you are,
Wondering why you left me to this fate...
The world has turned their back on me,
Left me without a hand to hold,
Without my driving flame..
Life seems pointless now,
But it's like you always said to me,
"Keep holding on."


Ugh..I haven't written poetry is a few years. :x
I didn't know I had gotten this bad. o.O
Ah well. I needed to get this off my chest.
|| L i n k ||
|| Hero of Hyrule ||

|| Z e l d a ||
|| Legendary Princess ||

|| Previously Known As Stardust-Kumo ||
Age 26
Female
*shoots self*
Seen December 11th, 2010
Posted September 18th, 2010
867 posts
15.9 Years
I kinda suck at reveiwing poetry, so don't critizize me for critizing you...

Now i like how it flows and such, but you need a new subject. I may have heard a song almost exactly like this since the concept you use is a little popunlar and over-used.

Good luck with your future writing.

Dress up in your best / So I can be proud of you
Age 27
Clinging to Shuri
Seen December 7th, 2007
Posted December 5th, 2007
893 posts
15.9 Years
I kinda suck at reveiwing poetry, so don't critizize me for critizing you...

Now i like how it flows and such, but you need a new subject. I may have heard a song almost exactly like this since the concept you use is a little popunlar and over-used.

Good luck with your future writing.
Yeah I know, but I just felt compelled to write this.

I'll make more unique subjects in the future, it's just that I haven't written in awhile and my writing skills (as far as poetry goes) have slipped away from me, and I want to get back into it by starting with something I can easily write. =D Thanks Manaphy!

And Vavavoom, thank you! Yeah, it actually does. I have this thing where, whenever I write something, I always pour my emotions into it. ^^;
|| L i n k ||
|| Hero of Hyrule ||

|| Z e l d a ||
|| Legendary Princess ||

|| Previously Known As Stardust-Kumo ||
Age 31
Male
Santa Isabel, Mexico
Seen July 7th, 2018
Posted February 2nd, 2016
4,000 posts
18.9 Years
I kinda suck at reveiwing poetry, so don't critizize me for critizing you...

Now i like how it flows and such, but you need a new subject. I may have heard a song almost exactly like this since the concept you use is a little popunlar and over-used.
No pun intended, but judging from your poetry thread I reckon you should try that yourself.

Now, Stardust, it seems like you manage metric and rhythm pretty well, you choice of words is general and rather monotone, which makes the poem be open to many interpretations; either you could lenghten it if you want to make it more clear. Either way it's still a good poem.

Also, 'aknowledged' should be 'acknowledged'
虎穴に入らずんば虎子を得ず
Age 26
Female
*shoots self*
Seen December 11th, 2010
Posted September 18th, 2010
867 posts
15.9 Years
No pun intended, but judging from your poetry thread I reckon you should try that yourself.

Now, Stardust, it seems like you manage metric and rhythm pretty well, you choice of words is general and rather monotone, which makes the poem be open to many interpretations; either you could lenghten it if you want to make it more clear. Either way it's still a good poem.

Also, 'aknowledged' should be 'acknowledged'
Ah ha ha. Not funny.

Sample Work:

"Just look at me
You're standing there
I'm lying here
I'm dying here

If I were you in this situation
I'd look away
From the bloody damn
Body there
Lying there
Don't look at me
As i'm trying here
Not to be dying there

Just look at me
You're standing there
I'm lying here
I'm dying here

Don't look at my
Damn corpse
Sprawled on the pavement
Just look away
Away from here
Start running now

Just look at me
You're standing there
I'm lying here
I'm dying here"

Thanks so much for that.

Dress up in your best / So I can be proud of you
Age 27
Clinging to Shuri
Seen December 7th, 2007
Posted December 5th, 2007
893 posts
15.9 Years
No pun intended, but judging from your poetry thread I reckon you should try that yourself.

Now, Stardust, it seems like you manage metric and rhythm pretty well, you choice of words is general and rather monotone, which makes the poem be open to many interpretations; either you could lenghten it if you want to make it more clear. Either way it's still a good poem.

Also, 'aknowledged' should be 'acknowledged'
Yeah Manaphy, your poetry is excellent. =D

Thanks. And I had a hard time coming up with anything descriptive for this poem which usually doesn't happen, but during summer my intellegence and vocabulary seem to slip away. ^^;

Oh whoops XD
|| L i n k ||
|| Hero of Hyrule ||

|| Z e l d a ||
|| Legendary Princess ||

|| Previously Known As Stardust-Kumo ||
Age 31
Male
Santa Isabel, Mexico
Seen July 7th, 2018
Posted February 2nd, 2016
4,000 posts
18.9 Years
Ah ha ha. Not funny.

Sample Work:

"Just look at me
You're standing there
I'm lying here
I'm dying here

If I were you in this situation
I'd look away
From the bloody damn
Body there
Lying there
Don't look at me
As i'm trying here
Not to be dying there

Just look at me
You're standing there
I'm lying here
I'm dying here

Don't look at my
Damn corpse
Sprawled on the pavement
Just look away
Away from here
Start running now

Just look at me
You're standing there
I'm lying here
I'm dying here"

Thanks so much for that.
Er... I wasn't trying to be funny. It was just a tip; I'm sorry if it sounded harsh or you felt I was attacking you.

Anyway, please try to stay on topic; I have seen people doing the exact same thing in your thread, I reckon you should know how it is.
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