Pokemon humans

Started by Pikachu Jr September 3rd, 2007 4:47 PM
  • 657 views
  • 4 replies
Eating your snacks.
Seen June 21st, 2008
Posted May 11th, 2008
39 posts
15.9 Years
Chapter 1: Bad life
In a peaceful land called, Pokemon Paradise, Pokemon live peaceful and happy. They go to School, read books, go shopping, go to work, and other things that humans do. If your thinking how wonderful everyone's life is, THIMK AGIAN! There's one pokemon who has the most terrible life, ever. his name is Shadow, but some pokemon like to call him, Pikachu. Here is a list of why he has a bad life; His Mom works at 3:00 in the morning, and comes back at 1:00 in the morning, he can't go anywhere, because he has to take care of his little brother, Pichu, He he went to Dentention 9 times in a row, And the School bullys do somthing bad to him everyday when School is over. Yep, he does have a terrible life in the world of Pokemon. But that's all going to change, one day...

Gummy

by fire be P U R G E D

Age 30
Male
Brooklyn, NY
Seen December 26th, 2013
Posted October 26th, 2013
4,518 posts
16.3 Years
A lot of things wrong with this story:

1) Much too short (C'mon, A PARAGRAPH!?!)

2) Shows signs of no proofreading (Grammer/Spelling errors)

3) Asolutely NO DESCRIPTION (A must in fanfics, especially when creating your own world). Also, I know absolutely nothing about this Pikachu named Shadow. So what, he's got an F'd up life? Been there, done that...

Try reading some of the helpful threads in the Writer's Lounge. Just looking at this, I can tell this was probably wrote in the Quick Reply box. If those threads don't help, try reading some fics that are well done and learn from the authors. With that said, good luck on your next fic.


Monotype Fire Challenge

CT, USA
Seen February 17th, 2017
Posted November 28th, 2007
171 posts
16 Years
Haha, you spelled grammar wrong.

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