Destiny Journeys: Healing of Hearts (PG-13)

Started by liveletlove_Mix September 8th, 2007 9:38 AM
  • 3259 views
  • 20 replies
Age 36
Seen 15 Hours Ago
Posted 2 Days Ago
I read the first chapter of this over at the great green lagging forums of lag, and wanted to review because I enjoyed this greatly. I'm glad that you posted this here so that I, and others, could read it.

Mix and Tatsuki act just like real friends do in real life, and that makes them real in my mind. You did well with the characters, separating them from the near-personality-less D/P characters. And that is the most enjoyable part of this story.

Just one small grammar nit-pick:
For some inexplicable feeling, her heart beat with fear as she saw - a crowd of children standing huddled behind a small boy, about her age, teetering on the cliff's edge.
That bold dash isn't really needed. If you wanted to, you could have used a colon, but the best thing to do would be to not use anything. Just take out that extra punctuation.

But still, this was, and is, a great read. Thanks for sharing it with us! And I'm waiting for more!

Ah yes...and welcome to PC.

Avatar credit: Fairy

Grovyle42(Griff8416)

No. 1 Grovyle Fan

Male
Seen April 11th, 2023
Posted May 14th, 2014
1,103 posts
15.9 Years
Hey, Mix. Welcome to PC.

Now I finally got to read your fanfic without having to feel obliged to read it all in one sitting to get up-to-date.

I don't really get the "___-kun" thing.

I'm not really a good grammar review so I'll just review what I can for now.

The details and descriptions of all of the scenes were very well written, especially when describing the characters; I can see you have a knack for that. I'm sorry that this is a very bad review, right now, but I'm really into watching this show "When Animals Attack". I promise I'll do a better review for the next chapter.
Age 30
Female
Florida
Seen March 29th, 2016
Posted November 19th, 2014
529 posts
18.3 Years
That was an excellent first chapter. I remember seeing it once on Serebii but the site's been down too often for me to ever get a chance to read it. I'll definatly be reading this one the whole way through. =)
Pokémon Y FC: 2380 - 3967 - 7573
IGN: Chandra (y) Alex (x)
Ground Safari - Trapinch - Camerupt - Diggersby

Age 29
Male
UK
Seen March 26th, 2011
Posted November 1st, 2010
348 posts
15.9 Years
I'll be reading this too. :) Is Seito the boy that comitted suicide five years ago?
Platinum FC - 0432 3665 4474[Name - Drew]
HeartGold FC - 5199 7801 6179[Name - Drew]

Platinum Team:
Sceptile/Blaziken/Swampert/Swellow/Gardevoir/Flygon
HeartGold Team:
Meganium/Ampharos/Pupitar/Typhlosion/Feraligatr/Scizor
Age 29
Male
UK
Seen March 26th, 2011
Posted November 1st, 2010
348 posts
15.9 Years
That's what I meant. Great story, can't wait until tomorrow night!
Platinum FC - 0432 3665 4474[Name - Drew]
HeartGold FC - 5199 7801 6179[Name - Drew]

Platinum Team:
Sceptile/Blaziken/Swampert/Swellow/Gardevoir/Flygon
HeartGold Team:
Meganium/Ampharos/Pupitar/Typhlosion/Feraligatr/Scizor

.Brendan

Status: Eating a Pancake

Age 28
England
Seen May 29th, 2008
Posted September 19th, 2007
124 posts
15.7 Years
Halooo!!

.brendan: Hi!! Did you post on the serebii thread? Cause I got an email saying you did, but when I went to check, it wasn't there. :)

~Mix

Yeah i did, quite a while ago, still impressed you remeber
Fourms



Will be very inactive because of school
Age 36
Seen 15 Hours Ago
Posted 2 Days Ago
This is looking to be a good read. The chapters are long enough that I sometimes need to take a break from reading them, but the plot line is interesting enough that I want to come back to continue reading them.

And did I mention that your characters are the most enjoyable part of this fic? All of them have interesting personalities that keep me entertained, and wishing to see more of this fic to learn how they get through their past problems.

Manaphy = awesome, by the way. I'm waiting to see how you handle Mix having Mayfi for a starter.

Grammar nitpick time: Most of the time, when you used a semi-colon, you actually should have used a colon. Colons are used when you are going to list something. Semi-colons are used to connect related but separate ideas.

Avatar credit: Fairy
Age 36
Seen 15 Hours Ago
Posted 2 Days Ago
Well, I said before that I enjoyed this, and now I'm hooked. You did a great job with this chapter! I wanted to cheer for Mix and Tatsuki as they tried to save Seito.

“They say Pokémon take on characteristics of their trainers,” said Tatsuki with a doglike grin
I particularly loved this line. I had to do a double-take to read it because of the "doglike" part. Awesome at how simple it is to show that Pokemon and humans share characteristics. Shows some real writing talent on your part.

I'll be waiting for the next chapter. I'm so tempted to go over to Serebii and read this over there, if I didn't want to be spoiled! ^^

Avatar credit: Fairy

Grovyle42(Griff8416)

No. 1 Grovyle Fan

Male
Seen April 11th, 2023
Posted May 14th, 2014
1,103 posts
15.9 Years
I'm really enjoying these chapters, too. I liked the character developement on Tatsuki's part. Very entertaining chapters and characters.

The scenes with Veiler I couldn't help but smile at. Although, it bothered me when you used the term "HP". It kind of took me out of the realistic feel of the chapter, and battle, no less.

I'm looking forward to reading and reviewing more.
Age 36
Seen 15 Hours Ago
Posted 2 Days Ago
Tatsuki and Seito seem to be getting the most character development. Not that I mind. xD Suki-kun is my favorite character, and Seito is the one that needs the most healing on the journey. But Mix is there to make everything fun. "Curtains"... I snorted in laughter.

Just one mistake that I noticed:
“Ah…no more cotton candy for you,” said Mix hastily, taking Mayfi away from Mix.
It is rather difficult to take someone away from yourself. xD

Avatar credit: Fairy