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  #1    
Old June 16th, 2004 (7:36 PM). Edited June 16th, 2004 by nanok242.
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nanok242 nanok242 is offline
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    this is my veary first poetry so plz tell me how it is

    would you care

    would you care if i die
    would i care if you die
    if you died tomorrow would any one care
    would any one come to your funeral
    would they come to get out of the day
    or because they care
    would you care if i die
    would any one care


    plz tell me if you like it
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    can people pm me plz i do not have that my buddies
    and she is my fvorit person on the games
    people call me nanok, mitchell(real name),or mitch
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    clike here this is a pokemon wep site that needs more membors(sorry about the spelling)
    i am pared with no one but i do have a crush on some one
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      #2    
    Old June 16th, 2004 (7:49 PM).
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    Teara Teara is offline
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      Hmm, not bad I juzt have a zmall zuggeztion.
      Quote:
      do they come to get out of the day or come cause they care
      You may want to change "cause" into "because" and take out the zecond come, oh, and maybe change "do" into "would". I know it dosn't seem like a big deal, and it isn't but small things like that just make it seem like there iz more thought behind the poem ^_~ Lol, they're juzt little optionz that in my opinion would zound better, but it'z your poem and your opinion iz the only one that matterz.

      It'z very dark, zeemz like alot of peomz are. But there'z nothing wrong with that. Many people write and read poemz when they feel deprezzed and they're good for reliving ztrezz or relating to another perzonz' problemz.

      It'z quite good, ezpecialy for a firzt try! Keep it up! Poetry iz a great thing to get into and you can only get better ^__^
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        #3    
      Old June 16th, 2004 (7:50 PM).
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      oni flygon oni flygon is offline
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        It looks great! Your meter seems to be pretty good.

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by nanok242
        do they come to get out of the day or come cause they care
        This line is too long. Maybe you can make it two lines?
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          #4    
        Old June 16th, 2004 (8:25 PM).
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        nanok242 nanok242 is offline
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          thx for your help i had it written down some were i just cant find it now
          and the real one is much better
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          can people pm me plz i do not have that my buddies
          and she is my fvorit person on the games
          people call me nanok, mitchell(real name),or mitch
          my paint system is STUPEDand this is not a dare
          clike here this is a pokemon wep site that needs more membors(sorry about the spelling)
          i am pared with no one but i do have a crush on some one
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            #5    
          Old June 16th, 2004 (8:29 PM).
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          Teara Teara is offline
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            Lol, that happend to me the other day. I had a great idea for a poem and wrote it down but I lozt it *_* Now I don't remember any of it except the bazic idea But oh well.

            Hopefully you'll have more pozted zoon, I'd love to zee what elze you can think of^__^
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              #6    
            Old June 17th, 2004 (6:35 AM).
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            nanok242 nanok242 is offline
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              it will tack me some time to think of some more but i will but them on this thread
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              can people pm me plz i do not have that my buddies
              and she is my fvorit person on the games
              people call me nanok, mitchell(real name),or mitch
              my paint system is STUPEDand this is not a dare
              clike here this is a pokemon wep site that needs more membors(sorry about the spelling)
              i am pared with no one but i do have a crush on some one
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                #7    
              Old July 17th, 2004 (3:12 PM).
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              nanok242 nanok242 is offline
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                sorry for posting 2 time but i thonght of a nother one

                darkness
                darkness is power
                darkness is strangth sp)
                darkness will help you
                and darkness gides you

                it is not much of a poem but i think it is nice
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                shining_light (know her)
                pynpfan
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                can people pm me plz i do not have that my buddies
                and she is my fvorit person on the games
                people call me nanok, mitchell(real name),or mitch
                my paint system is STUPEDand this is not a dare
                clike here this is a pokemon wep site that needs more membors(sorry about the spelling)
                i am pared with no one but i do have a crush on some one
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                  #8    
                Old July 19th, 2004 (2:26 PM).
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                Fuzzy Fuzzy is offline
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                  That last one is interesting. Sounds perfect for a poetic motto of a villain.
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                    #9    
                  Old July 20th, 2004 (1:04 PM).
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                  nanok242 nanok242 is offline
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                    it dose i never saw it that way thou
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                    shining_light (know her)
                    pynpfan
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                    can people pm me plz i do not have that my buddies
                    and she is my fvorit person on the games
                    people call me nanok, mitchell(real name),or mitch
                    my paint system is STUPEDand this is not a dare
                    clike here this is a pokemon wep site that needs more membors(sorry about the spelling)
                    i am pared with no one but i do have a crush on some one
                    Reply With Quote
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