My story for creative writing

Started by Cooro October 6th, 2007 10:43 AM
  • 837 views
  • 3 replies

Cooro

♥•+message me+•♥

Age 29
USA
Seen September 13th, 2009
Posted October 23rd, 2007
11 posts
15.9 Years
I'd like feedback & suggestions please. x3


*-----*
Intro
*-----*
Etna grinned deviously, and tightly gripped the iridescent staff accented with crimson, glittering gems. Raising it with her right hand above the shroud of pitch black fog surrounding her, it beamed with a warm glow as the fog vanished. Above her, a deep green shroud appeared, disintegrating the matter between dimensions. Without saying a word, Etna had opened a dazzling new world--The Twilight. In the blink of an eye, Etna had dissapeared.
*-----*
End
*-----*

*-----*
Chap. 1
*-----*
"Are you sure she is the right one?" whispered a dreamy voice. "Of course she is, she fits the description Aramis told us!" replied another voice. For those who were looking carefully, one could see four, tiny glowing eyes peering through Etna's window that night. They were two, glimmering faeries, both as tiny as a thumbtack and spreading a warm glow about their surroundings, but heir voices were unheard, their existence unknown, and their intentions secret. Especially to Etna, who was sleeping soundly underneath her pink bed covers. She yawned and rolled over in bed, as the two, unnoticed faeries disappeared into the starry night.
*-----*
EDITED FOR BETTER VOCABULARY

I need a miracle
Shandee 541279643772
(ds username is maddy♥)
FC ^^

Magneto20

CoOmnipotent1of Pokemon:WARPED

Mah body.
Seen May 30th, 2013
Posted March 8th, 2012
174 posts
15.7 Years
I think both the intro and Chap1 is kinda short... they both need a bit of work.
HEY THERE EVERYONE! I'M GONNA CLOG UP THIS SIGNATURE AND THUS THE PAGE YOU'RE READING TO BRING YOU THIS: http://thattallguyoverthere.tumblr.com/post/7248074258/pokemon-soulsilver-log-1
Y'see, after I finished blogging FireRed, I started up on SoulSilver. I do warn you though, it contains humour.


Hey everyone! Check out my blog where I playthrough Pokemon Fire Red. It contains humour. http://thattallguyoverthere.tumblr.com/post/5935558445/pokemon-firered-log-11

So a guy started playing through Pokemon: Warped. I demand that you all watch it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixBje1Ae6Uw