Pokemon: The Last Dragon PG-13

Started by Double 7 October 6th, 2007 12:43 PM
  • 952 views
  • 9 replies
Age 26
NY, USA
Seen August 14th, 2008
Posted August 14th, 2008
112 posts
15.9 Years
Pokemon: The Last Dragon


Chapter 1 Team Rocket


The air was fresh, the sky was blue. It was a perfect day.
" Today is perfect!" yelled Dawn, " Echo!" Her voice echoed through the mountains.
" You're right," said Ash, walking to Dawn. Dawn blushed. She looked away from Ash. She liked Ash but didn't know if he liked her.
" Hey guys!" yelled Brock, " Lunch is ready!"
" comin'!" Ash yelled back, " Come on Dawn." Ash started walking to the table. Dawn did, too. Once everyone was at the table, Brock said, " Dig in." Brock put down some pokemon food for the pokemon. " So Ash, Dawn." Brock started, " There is a hot spring not far away from here. Wanna go?"
" Definetly!" yelled Dawn, " Oh please, Ash,pleeeeease?!?!"
" Ok. Why not? It's good for everyone to get relaxed," said Ash.
" Listen, is that a voice I hear?" said a familier voice.
" It speaks to me loud and clear."
" on the wind"
" Past the stars"
" in your ear"
" bringing crisis at a breakneck pase"
" dashing hope putting fear in its place"
" a rose that steals any other name just as sweet"
" when everything works out work is complete"
"jessie"
"james"
"Meowth's the name"
" putting the dogooders in there place"
" team rocket"
" we're in your face"
" wobbofett"
" mime mime"
" Team rocket!" yelled Ash.
" That's right twirp!" yelled James.
" Give us that pikachu!" yelled Jessie.
" Never!" yelled Ash
" Pika Pi!" yelled Pikachu, agreeing with Ash.
" Thought you'd say that" said meowth. He pressed a blue button then a robotic arm came out of the baloon basket. It headed straight for pikachu.
" No!" yelled Brock. He jumped in front of pikachu. The arm wacked him. Brock went flying. He smacked against a tree.
" Brock" yelled Dawn. The arm grabbed pikachu.
" No!" yelled Ash, jumping onto the arm. He found a fuse box on the arm. He punched it. It got loose. He ripped it off and threw it. By that time they were about 300 feet in the air. He Grabbed the wires and ripped them. The arm let go of pikachu. Dawn caught him. Ash climbed to the ballon. He took out a knife and ripped the baloon. The pressure caused the arm to explode.
" Looks like team rocket is blasting off again!" yelled team rocket, flying through the air.
" Ash!""Pika" yelled Dawn and Pikachu.
" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGH!" yelled Ash, plummiting towards earth.
" Oh no! Pikachu! Watch after Brock!" said Dawn.
" Pika!" said pikachu. Dawn went running towards Ash's direction.


After an hour Dawn came to a hot spring.
" this must be that hot spring Brock was talking about." said Dawn. She looked to her left. She gasped. Ash had a fire started. "Ash!" yelled Dawn, running toward him.
" Dawn!" yelled Ash. He stood up. Dawn hugged him.
" I thought you were gone" said Dawn.
" I was lucky. the spring broke my fall." said Ash.
" Ash you're hurt!" yelled Dawn.
" Well, the spring didn't break my fall completly." said Ash." Can you wrap me up?"
" Um, Ok" said Dawn, blushing. She took the bandages and wrapped it around Ash's chest and stomach.
" Thanks" said Ash." It's getting late. Lets go to sleep"
" Ther's only one sleeping bag" Dawn Complained.
" We'll have to share it" said Ash. Dawn couldn't believe her luck. Ash got in first. When Dawn got in they were squished together.
" Good night, Dawn." said Ash.
" G-good night Ash" said Dawn. She wrapped her arms around him. Ash wrapped his arms around Dawn.




What will happen to Ash and Dawn?
Next time, Chapter 2: The Last Dragon
The Avatar legend goes on within us...
Age 29
Utah
Seen July 26th, 2008
Posted July 16th, 2008
159 posts
15.8 Years
Two words: More Description

It is important to let the reader know where the characters are, and what their environment is like. Without these its just... you know... not good. Write your next chapter with this in mind. Also, be sure that your chapter is at least 2 full pages in word.
Name: NATE | FC: 2191 4170 7080
Age 29
Utah
Seen July 26th, 2008
Posted July 16th, 2008
159 posts
15.8 Years
Dude, not to be rude or anything, I'm just giving you advice. I realize that I might have come off a bit strict, but if you ask anyone else on these forums I'm sure they will agree with me.

It's your choice if you want to become a better writer or not...
Name: NATE | FC: 2191 4170 7080
Age 30
The Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Seen June 25th, 2008
Posted February 9th, 2008
109 posts
15.6 Years
Lads, writing is supposed to be an expression of one's inner self, but gooberdued is right. There have to be some rules, otherwise the stories would be pointless.

Sorry if I came off as a sage just then, if I did, you may call me the Dalai Farmer



Muhahahahah- Fear President Showaddywaddy, the all powerful Umbreon and....
Oops, sorry. That was the voices in my head speaking:paranoid:


As a wise man once said

"Be nice to nerds, they will one day be your boss"

I hope he was right.:nervous:
Age 26
NY, USA
Seen August 14th, 2008
Posted August 14th, 2008
112 posts
15.9 Years
Dude, not to be rude or anything, I'm just giving you advice. I realize that I might have come off a bit strict, but if you ask anyone else on these forums I'm sure they will agree with me.

It's your choice if you want to become a better writer or not...
ok dud im sorry.i gotta little strict too. but just to tell you, im not that old. im in the fifth grade. in fact i might use some of your advice. and after each chapter, give me a suggestion for the next chapter. And I'm talkin to everyone! give advice! give suggestions! well i already have an idea for the second chapter so give a suggestion after the 2nd chapter. And to tell you people the truth, i might be a little lazy so i might not write a chapter for a while.
The Avatar legend goes on within us...
Age 26
NY, USA
Seen August 14th, 2008
Posted August 14th, 2008
112 posts
15.9 Years
Hey, don't sweat it :P

Just keep writing and have fun with it.
thanks dude. well i wonder if anyone else might like this story

Here is Chapter 2!



Chapter 2: The last Dragon



Dawn woke up to see Ash relaxing in the hot spring.
" Dawn, you're up!" said Ash, " You should get in the spring. It's so relaxing. It's also helping my injuries." Dawn got up.
" Maybe it is a good idea." said Dawn, " I'm lucky I have my bathing suit." She got up and walked behind a bush to change. Once she was done, she came out, put her hat on the ground and went in. Dawn could feel the heat. It WAS relaxing. " Wow, Ash, this IS relaxing," said Dawn. She swam to the middle of the spring. Ash followed.
" Dawn, I don't know why but my injuries are gone!" said Ash. Just then the water started vibrating.
" Ash, whats happening?" asked Dawn. Her voice was was being messed with by the vibrations. Dawn held on to Ash.
" The spring is being drained!" yelled Ash. The spring's water level kept getting lower. After 1 minute the spring was completly drained. Ash and Dawn started slipping down towards the giant hole that drained the spring. The ground was too wet and too steep.Dawn shrieked in terror.
" Oh crap!" yelled Ash. Chills went down his spine. They fell in. Dawn's shrieking echoed through the giant hole.


Brock awoke to find pikachu staring at his face.
" Pikachu?" asked Brock. Then he gasped. " Where's Ash and Dawn?!" asked Brock
" Pika" said pikachu, pointing at the direction Ash fell.
" Oh My Gawd!" said Brock. Pikachu jumped on his shoulder. Brock started running where Ash fell.


Ash awoke. He found himself surrounded by people. They were chattering. Dawn was awake beside him.
" Ash, whats happening?" asked Dawn. She was terrorfied.
" I don't know," said Ash. Then the people seperated, showing an older woman.
" It's true." said the woman, " The proficy was true."
" What proficy?! Who are you people?! And what the heck's going on?! I demand an explanation now!" Ash yelled.
" Come, come, children. You will get an explanation soon enough," said the elderly woman. She leaded them to a wall. " This, is the proficy." she said, " It says that one day, a young couple shall fall from the kapatika well, and into the village. There the couple shall get some supplies and armor and then set off to the magical world of The Dawn of Ash. There they shall travel to the lair of The Last Dragon. They will defeat the dragon and come back as heroes of the village."
" That's weird. And we can't slay a dragon! It's impossible!" Dawn complained.
" Do not worry children." siad the woman, " you shall get powers you never dreamed of once you enter The Dawn of Ash."


Brock and Pikachu got to the hot spring. It was filled. And Ash and Dawn's equipment were gone.
" Oh No." said Brock. " They probably went off to the closest town!"


Ash and Dawn were in leather armor and had swords and sheilds. They were ready.
" Once you go through the gate, search for the dragon's lair." said the woman.
" Understood," said Ash. Ash and Dawn gulped. They stepped through the gate.



Do Ash and Dawn have what it takes to survive? Find out!
Next time, Chapter 3: The Dawn of Ash
The Avatar legend goes on within us...

txteclipse

The Last

Age 32
Riverside
Seen March 23rd, 2023
Posted November 2nd, 2016
2,322 posts
15.7 Years
*The Dawn of Ash.*

I lol'd.

As for the story, it's fairly well-written for someone in the fifth grade. You seemed to rush the part where Dawn and Ash get their armor, but it's not too bad. I would have had them be a little hesitant; after all, they may be putting their lives on the line for this, if I'm not mistaken.

Do continue.
Age 26
NY, USA
Seen August 14th, 2008
Posted August 14th, 2008
112 posts
15.9 Years
*The Dawn of Ash.*

I lol'd.

As for the story, it's fairly well-written for someone in the fifth grade. You seemed to rush the part where Dawn and Ash get their armor, but it's not too bad. I would have had them be a little hesitant; after all, they may be putting their lives on the line for this, if I'm not mistaken.

Do continue.
true i did rush the part where they get there armor. They are puttting there lives on the oline. It makes the story more exciting.
The Avatar legend goes on within us...