Woah! Calm down there, everyone! Hold up, and let me mediate this little disagreement as best I can.
cooltrainerjeremy, I believe what Scythe Master was getting at with that comment was that your chapter just seems unfinished with that last line. I mean, you're writing your chapter, and your character gets to the lab, and he sees something, and... D: It just falls short. If you had more of a build-up of him getting to the lab, making the readers want to see him get to the lab, and then end on the astonishing scene, then the cliff-hanger would have been fine. But your entire chapter just reads as a rushed story, with all the problems Scythe Master pointed out, that with the cliff-hanger, it seems unfinished.
You can keep the cliff-hanger. Those are fine. And yes, as you say, all writers use them. (Suspense isn't one of the basic skills, however. Sorry. Suspense is more advanced.) But you need more of a build-up to your cliff-hanger.
Also, no one is telling you to stop writing your story. In fact, Scythe Master is giving you help so that you can continue writing this and get better at writing. You can keep writing. Giving up is the worst thing you can do. But just realize that you will receive some advice that you should consider following. And Scythe Master's review is helpful to you in grammar and description.
And now I get to review. Prepare yourself.
Scythe Master already covered grammar. He missed the explanation about dialogue grammar, but that's covered in another review I left you on your other fic. My suggestion to you is to find a word processing program like Microsoft Word or even something online that comes with a spell-checker. This will catch your spelling mistakes. It won't help with grammar, but it'll help with spelling. Plus, using a program like Word will allow you to save your story and work on it at other times. This way, you don't have to rush writing your story, and you can take your time.
The length is exceptionally short. It falls under a full page on Word. There's so much more that needs to be added in that you don't need short chapters.
On that note, this means that you need more description in your story. Who is Jeremy, where is he coming from, where is he going? You need to tell your readers this early on in your story, or else they won't feel connected to the character.
This is a continuation of your first fic, right? (I don't really understand why you are posting this when your other fic isn't even finished yet, but...eh.) You have Jeremy, and he's in Kanto looking for something. Why? Tell me in the story. Describe him to me. Make him pop off the page like a real person, that I can meet walking down the street. Because right now, he's just a name on a page...screen.
Tell me what he looks like. Does he have brown hair, blue eyes, a third arm? Sure, you described him in your other fic, but I've read so many fics that I can't keep them straight anymore. Besides, you treat each new fanfic about the same person separately. So yeah, you described him in your first fic. But guess what? You should do it again. The same holds true for Pokemon. Describe them as well.
Tell me what he's feeling. Is he excited to be in Kanto? Sure, he's tired from walking, but does he want to stop walking? Or does he want to keep heading on to find that battle facility? He's human, and humans have emotions. Is he happy, sad, angry, anxious, depressed, etc.? The answer will vary from situation to situation, but it all still needs to be described.
Tell me where he's from. Jeremy had a life before this story. What happened in it, and why is he in Kanto? This is backstory, the history of your character. Take some time to explain this to your reader.
Tell me where he's going. Again, why is he here in Kanto looking for a battle facility? Specifically, why is he heading to Pallet Town?
So, when we add all that in, what do we get?
Jeremy was egsausted.
He had been walking for at least two hours in the Kanto region trying to find the first battle facility!
You started off with this, right? But let's say that you describe Jeremy better, and give us his back story. Watch what happens.
Jeremy was exhausted.
For two hours he had been walking. The route between Cinnabar Island and Pallet Town was a long one. Already, he had to travel across the ocean on the back of his Water Pokemon. Now, he figured he was only halfway to Pallet Town.
He took his hat off his head and ran a hand through his short brown hair. He was in the Kanto region to try his hand at the Indigo League. He wanted to find the nearest battle facility, which were called "gyms", and win a new badge. But first, he had to head to Professor Oak's lab in Pallet to register for the league.
Better, right? There's more description and explains things more. The reader knows a bit about Jeremy, where he's going, and why he's going there. Because that's all we want to know.
That was a long post. x.x But it should help you out. I'm not going to comment on characters more than I have already or on plot. I'll give you some time to write more of your fic.
Yes, you can write more of your fic, no matter what we all might sound like we're saying in our reviews.
Good luck.