Changes

Started by diamondpearl876 November 7th, 2007 8:10 PM
  • 1645 views
  • 18 replies
Age 30
Seen January 25th, 2022
Posted January 6th, 2021
1,584 posts
15.9 Years
Haven't really released anything in a while.

Reviews would be appreciated.

* Thanks to Hanako Tabris for beta-ing. I think everyone should bow down to her. Or at least give her cupcakes.

Changes

Indecisiveness seemed to be the bane of my existence that day.

I knew, without a doubt, whatever I chose, it would most likely not be a happy ending, to say the least. One choice could develop feelings of failure, and that’s not exactly what I would call flattering. Like the other times I’d lost, I would probably beat myself up mentally for days on end and deprive myself of sleep, wondering exactly what you thought of me after such a chastening downfall. In my opinion, it had gone on for far too long--it could not, absolutely not, happen again.

The other choice, though, would have some of your worries of losing cease. The outcome would be unpredictable, which is what upset me the most. I could be so much stronger--if only you’d let me. Since the very beginning, I’ve been told time and time again, "You can not evolve. I will not have such a lovable pokémon like you turn into… into…a monster!"

… Monsters. That’s what you called my evolutions--the ones I yearned to be for so long. I had not experienced evolution before, as I was only a Gible--I was at the bottom of the chain. They were much more powerful than I was, but one can still be strong and a great companion at the same time. Surely, I would not turn into a beast that you accused my evolutions of being. I would still be the same congenial pokemon that I always had been.

The burns on my stubby little feet continued to deplete my energy, and I acknowledged the fact that I would not last very long, considering the condition I was in. For the first time in forever, I wished for you to recall me back to that red and white contraption you humans call a pokéball. However, knowing you, the battle would go on until the final results were in.

"Come on, Gible! We can’t lose. Do you know that? Do you? Why must this repeat every time?" you called to me, unmistakably attempting to make me think I was not doing my best. Your words stung as if I was being stabbed by numerous pin missiles coming from a Jolteon, but I soon understood that nothing was attacking, and I knew that it only your words that had done such damage. I guessed that that was what it took when you were desperate--you’d go as low as to crush any hint of confidence in me to win.

Of course I know, I thought, but said nothing out loud. What a waste it would have been. Why talk, when you could not comprehend? Why talk, when I could’ve been trying to defeat the opponent? The other trainer’s pokémon, a rather repulsive Weezing, began to snicker at the burn it had inflicted upon me just minutes ago--and probably at what you were saying as well.

"Weezing, this is already over. Pretty much, anyway. Use smokescreen, and we’ll be on our way," the trainer casually ordered. I attempted to come up with some kind of strategy without your help, something right on the spot that could get me out of the situation, but nothing came to me. The burns lingered and seemed to not want to disappear, and I knew I could not perform any of my attacks. Then, I could see the two sickly heads of the pokémon suck in deeply, and it appeared as if they were about to explode as a final act.

"Do anything! Ugh! Anything!" you cried while holding your tiny, fragile hands to your face like you knew it was already over.

Anything?

The simple word brought a grin to me face, one that caused the other trainer to look at me strangely. That was my chance, I knew. You had basically given me your permission to do whatever I wanted. I still hesitated, however, not knowing exactly what the outcome would be. My only option at the moment was something I pined for, and something you absolutely loathed, unfortunately.

Whoever decided that this would be my trainer doesn’t seem to like me much.


Shoving that thought into the back of my mind, I took notice of the Weezing again, who finally released several clouds of smoke into the battlefield, causing every one of us to lose sight of any previous surroundings. I could hear you coughing, but I also could have sworn I heard the other trainer chuckling. If we were going to lose to anyone, it definitely couldn’t have been to that guy.

It’s either now… or never.


While the smoke was still covering the arena, I allowed my body to take over, and no longer fought against the urge to evolve. All of the fear of your reactions seemed to fade away at that moment, and I knew everything would turn out just fine. Finally, something was going my way! My entire body, which wasn’t that large to begin with, began to glow a bright white, but it was unclear on whether or not you could see. At that point, it didn't matter to me. What was happening was happening. Instantly, I began to feel myself grow taller, but the process was surprisingly painless. I had expected misery and anguish for the few short seconds it took, though it'd be worth it in the end. After the massive height change, my stubby feet and arms seemed to no longer exist; on my new knees were blades that, surely, I could use as a weapon towards others. In addition to that, my arms had been transformed to scythes that would definitely come in handy from then on.

Once I felt no more miraculous change, I forced myself to open my new goldenrod eyes and took a look around. By then, the smoke had nearly cleared and the Weezing and its trainer were no where to be found. They'd made good on their threat to depart when the smokescreen was released. Nothing but trees and a path leading into somewhere elsewhere surrounded me, and there would be plenty of time to admire my new form with you soon enough. So, I looked at what I was anticipating to see the most--you.

At first, there was no real expression on your face. The wind blew your long brown hair into your face, which usually irritated you to no end, but you didn't seem to notice in the slightest bit this time. Your bright green eyes stared into mine, and a sensation of fear and confusion seemed to be emanating from you, as if I was going to attack you with all my might and as if you had never seen me before. I thought that, perhaps, you were unsure if I was delighted with this new form I'd taken, so you were reluctant on giving out your opinion. To prove to you how ecstatic I was, I let out my first roar as a Gabite, which sounded rather raspy, but it was an improvement from the squeaky sound it had been previously. Overall, it was a cry of finally reaching my destination.

There was still no response from you. Not even a blink. In fact, you looked more terrified than before. Immediately regretting it, I took a step towards you with my new pair of purple legs, and you moved back with caution.

“Don’t come near me!” you cried, your once-pleasant voice suddenly replaced by trepidation. Then, I remembered why exactly I had been petrified to do this in the first place, but a new question arrived: What exactly were you afraid of? I did not feel evil or monstrous at all, and I was most definitely not setting out to destroy the nearest city to show off my new abilities.

Without warning, the feelings of joy for finally becoming what I longed to be vanished and were replaced by betrayal and countless other emotions that didn’t have the definition of the word “happy”; what was the use of celebrating when there is no one else there to do it with you?

Something I did must have made you aware of such fury, since the next thing I knew you were pulling out my pokéball and aiming it towards me with a trembling hand. I wasn’t going to let that happen; who knew how long it would be until I was released from there again? Every time the red beam flashed towards me, I easily took a step to the side, dodging it.

I also wasn’t about to let myself stick around to see what would happen next. I grunted, and whacked the ball out of your hand with my new tail to prevent you from confining me in there ever again. You fell backwards, followed by a scream like I had actually assaulted you in some way. Next, I turned around, and did what I thought was the only thing left to do.

I ran.

I ran through the clearing, and into one end of forest I’m sure you wouldn’t enter for fear of encountering me again. Several wild pokémon stared at me along the way--I could feel their confused eyes follow me as I sped past them. Hopefully, they didn’t think anything horrifying was happening--this was just me, Gabite, setting out to find the best of me.

Eventually, since I was inexperienced with this body configuration still, I tripped over something--most likely a rock or a root jutting out from the ground. Whatever it was, I was lying face-down in the dirt, which was where I might as well have been the entire time you were preventing me from evolving. I then became aware of the fact that my burn was no longer there--however, it felt as if my heart had been crisped instead, which was a million times worse than what that Weezing could have really done to me. Really, it didn’t matter now--you were gone. Out of my life. Forever, I silently hoped.

I slowly stood up, and brushed myself off gently, getting rid of any dirt that touched my body. If I allowed anything, especially a little thing like dirt, to mess up my new form, it’d simply be inexcusable. That included you. I knew that one day, someone would betray you the same way you did me, and you‘d feel as if you weren‘t good enough for the person who committed that “crime”. And I wouldn’t be there to help you up. Your other pokémon, maybe, but the thought of me and what you did should still be engraved in your memory then and it’d still hurt on the inside, no matter what they did to support you. Silently, I hoped that I’d be there to see every moment of it.

I wouldn’t miss it for the world.
Age 29
Male
UK
Seen March 26th, 2011
Posted November 1st, 2010
348 posts
15.9 Years
I really like this tale, it's the first decent story to come out of the FanFiction area in a couple of weeks in my opinion. At first I thought it was about a small child, but when I realised it was a Gible, it all made more sense then. I like stories when the narration comes from the Pokemons point of view, and you got it spot on. Is this going to be continued? This has also helped me with description for the next chapter, when the Poliwhirl narrates a chapter. Good work!
Platinum FC - 0432 3665 4474[Name - Drew]
HeartGold FC - 5199 7801 6179[Name - Drew]

Platinum Team:
Sceptile/Blaziken/Swampert/Swellow/Gardevoir/Flygon
HeartGold Team:
Meganium/Ampharos/Pupitar/Typhlosion/Feraligatr/Scizor
Age 30
Seen January 25th, 2022
Posted January 6th, 2021
1,584 posts
15.9 Years
I really like this tale, it's the first decent story to come out of the FanFiction area in a couple of weeks in my opinion. At first I thought it was about a small child, but when I realised it was a Gible, it all made more sense then. I like stories when the narration comes from the Pokemons point of view, and you got it spot on. Is this going to be continued? This has also helped me with description for the next chapter, when the Poliwhirl narrates a chapter. Good work!
Thanks for the review, and no, it won't be continued--it's a one-shot. Like I write anything else. XP

Grovyle42(Griff8416)

No. 1 Grovyle Fan

Male
Seen April 11th, 2023
Posted May 14th, 2014
1,103 posts
15.9 Years
Incredibly good work with the emotions and the description. You're definately as good a writer as you are a beta (and I mean that in the best way possible ;) )

I especially liked when you used the word "raspy" *shot by you* xD

But yeah, I felt worst for Gabite at the point where the trainer stepped back upon him evolving.

I also heard it through the grapevine that you were working on a chaptered fic...is this true?! *waits patiently*
Age 30
Seen January 25th, 2022
Posted January 6th, 2021
1,584 posts
15.9 Years
Incredibly good work with the emotions and the description. You're definately as good a writer as you are a beta (and I mean that in the best way possible ;) )
Laffo, thanks. <3

I especially liked when you used the word "raspy" *shot by you* xD
WELL DUH, because you gave me the word. XP

I also heard it through the grapevine that you were working on a chaptered fic...is this true?! *waits patiently*
... Shush. No one needs to know!
Age 28
Male
NY
Seen January 29th, 2014
Posted January 14th, 2014
1,290 posts
15.8 Years
O-M-G. I am so glad you told me to come and read this. I felt so sad when I said to not move closer. I really wish this was chaptered.

*coughshouldbefanficofthemounthcough*
Why, Yes
Chris Martin is my avatar.

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Age 30
Seen January 25th, 2022
Posted January 6th, 2021
1,584 posts
15.9 Years
O-M-G. I am so glad you told me to come and read this. I felt so sad when I said to not move closer. I really wish this was chaptered.

*coughshouldbefanficofthemounthcough*
So, you were really "you"? =O! EVIL TRAINER! Just kidding.

But, really, thanks. x] I haven't attempted a chaptered fic.. yet. YET!

*cough*monthisntoveryet*cough* but.. we'll see. xD My goal here at PC is to get SOMETHING of mine in Fanfiction Archive.
Age 36
Seen 15 Hours Ago
Posted 2 Days Ago
I prefer muffins.

Anyhow, I enjoyed the fact that you made the Gible a very educated creature. It reminds me of slave literature, where the slaves are actually educated. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that if this fic was actually read in the Pokemonverse, it would open people's eyes up to the actual intelligence of Pokemon.

I also must applaud you for your description of evolution from a Pokemon's POV. Typically, I've seen that described as a painful process, but you've taken a new side to it.

At some point, though, I would like to know why the trainer is scared of Gabite.

And, at some point, I would like to see a fic where the trainer is actually a good person. I dare you to write it.

*cough*monthisntoveryet*cough* but.. we'll see. xD My goal here at PC is to get SOMETHING of mine in Fanfiction Archive.
We'll see. :< Month isn't over yet, but the mods are busy.

Avatar credit: Fairy

txteclipse

The Last

Age 32
Riverside
Seen March 23rd, 2023
Posted November 2nd, 2016
2,322 posts
15.7 Years
This is rather dark. Hate that it's a one-shot. You've developed this character so well now.

One complaint, only thing I could find.

*Your other pokémon, maybe, but the thought of me and what you did should still be engraved in your memory then and it’d still injured on the inside, no matter what they did to support you.*

This doesn't seem to make sense to me. Perhaps "injured" should be "hurt"?
Age 30
Seen January 25th, 2022
Posted January 6th, 2021
1,584 posts
15.9 Years
@Hanako: Thanks. :) Trainer... being a good person...? Oh god. :X Just kidding.

As for the trainer being scared of Gible, one could assume that the trainer was frightened of Gible's evolved forms or just evolution in general (since it changes personality, but that wasn't really shown because I believe that takes a little time). The reason I chose Gible was because his evolution would be somewhat terrifying if someone were to actually meet a creature like that in real life.

@txteclipse: Oh man. Everyone totally missed that, including myself. xD Thanks.
the depths of darkness
Seen May 6th, 2009
Posted April 24th, 2009
209 posts
15.5 Years
Wow, I'm impressed. This was very nicely written. You are quite good with description, which is one of the things that sticks out about this. It is also quite easy to sympathize with Gible/Gabite, which is also nicely done.

I knew, without a doubt, whatever I chose, it would most likely not be a happy ending, to say the least. One choice could develop feelings of failure, and that’s not exactly what I would call flattering. Like the other times I’d lost, I would probably beat myself up mentally for days on end and deprive myself of sleep, wondering exactly what you thought of me after such a chastening downfall. In my opinion, it had gone on for far too long--it could not, absolutely not, happen again.
This is an excellent example of your description skills. You makes it quite easy to see the world through Gible's eyes, which is very important in any first-person writing.

… Monsters. That’s what you called my evolutions--the ones I yearned to be for so long. I had not experienced evolution before, as I was only a Gible--I was at the bottom of the chain. They were much more powerful than I was, but one can still be strong and a great companion at the same time. Surely, I would not turn into a beast that you accused my evolutions of being. I would still be the same congenial pokemon that I always had been.
Same here. It is so easy to sympathize with Gible here, as well.

Anything?

The simple word brought a grin to me face, one that caused the other trainer to look at me strangely. That was my chance, I knew. You had basically given me your permission to do whatever I wanted. I still hesitated, however, not knowing exactly what the outcome would be. My only option at the moment was something I pined for, and something you absolutely loathed, unfortunately.[I]
Heh. A Gible grinning would make anyone stare at it strangely, I'd say.

While the smoke was still covering the arena, I allowed my body to take over, and no longer fought against the urge to evolve. All of the fear of your reactions seemed to fade away at that moment, and I knew everything would turn out just fine. Finally, something was going my way! My entire body, which wasn’t that large to begin with, began to glow a bright white, but it was unclear on whether or not you could see. At that point, it didn't matter to me. What was happening was happening. Instantly, I began to feel myself grow taller, but the process was surprisingly painless. I had expected misery and anguish for the few short seconds it took, though it'd be worth it in the end. After the massive height change, my stubby feet and arms seemed to no longer exist; on my new knees were blades that, surely, I could use as a weapon towards others. In addition to that, my arms had been transformed to scythes that would definitely come in handy from then on.
Nice description of Gible's evolution there. Yes, usually evolution is not explained properly. But your description skills are very good, and you show them off well here. Good job!

“Don’t come near me!” you cried, your once-pleasant voice suddenly replaced by trepidation. Then, I remembered why exactly I had been petrified to do this in the first place, but a new question arrived: What exactly were you afraid of? I did not feel evil or monstrous at all, and I was most definitely not setting out to destroy the nearest city to show off my new abilities.
Not the greatest trainer, is he? Gabite is a very believeable character, and you can clearly see what is going through his head here.

I like this. My only realistic gripe is that it's a One-Shot. But that's okay. The story here was quite interesting, and description was very good. I look forward to see what you have planned next.

Alter Ego

that evil mod from hell

Age 35
Touhou land, grazing danmaku all the way
Seen August 8th, 2010
Posted June 4th, 2010
5,751 posts
17.9 Years
Once I felt no more miraculous change, I forced myself to open my new goldenrod eyes and took a look around.
Pardon my nitpickiness but how does the Gabite know his/her eye color after evolution? It sounds very nice and it's descriptive, but it doesn't make much sense if you think about it. O=


Other than that, it's short and sweet. Well, more like bittersweet, really. I have to say that you've done a very good job at giving the characters personality, especially considering the limited scope of your narrative. Gible's/Gabite's sense of self-blame and caring for his/her trainer is really tangible in the way you narrated the early part of the chapter, and the turnaround to becoming a proud, wild Gabite at the end is a nice twist. (the remark about the dirt was a nice way to reflect the less downtrodden personality) Also, though Gabite's trainer does come off as a jerk here, I don't think it's fair to pass judgment on him considering how dominant Gabite's voice is in the narrative. For all we know, the kid could have some really traumatic experience with a Gabite or Garchomp that makes him act the way he does. Besides, if he's young and his cutesy little Gible suddenly evolves, that's bound to be rather shocking. Anyways, it's a fun reversal of the silly anime habit of the 'good' trainers not evolving their pokémon out of sensitivity for the pokémon's feelings. xD

But yeah, you've done an excellent job on this one. Emotional from the beginning to the end with just the right amount of the darker side. You and Hanako really didn't leave much to correct here. :3
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Age 30
Seen January 25th, 2022
Posted January 6th, 2021
1,584 posts
15.9 Years
@Duncan McNeil: Your review really really meant a lot to me, considering I feel like description isn't exactly my strong point, so it's good to know I've improved and someone has liked it. ^^

@Alter Ego: Meh.. I see your point about the eye thing. But if the Gabite told this story to another pokemon just like this, they would know his eye color by then and then could say it the way he did. That's my defense. :]

And.. the trainer was a girl. I thought the "tiny fragile hands" (since girls typically have smaller hands than boys) and "long brown hair" would have pointed it out, but that's my fault I guess for not being specific. xD

Alter Ego

that evil mod from hell

Age 35
Touhou land, grazing danmaku all the way
Seen August 8th, 2010
Posted June 4th, 2010
5,751 posts
17.9 Years
Well, in all honesty small hands and long hair aren't the sole privilege of girls these days. (Let's show the effeminate boys some respect D=) Ahh...my bad for not sticking to uncertainty of gender in the review. xP

Anyways, fair enough excuse I suppose, except for the fact that this is addressed to the Gabite's trainer (evidence of which being the 'you's) so by logic it could not be told to another pokémon like this. xD But yeah, it's not worth quibbling over. :3
Featured Theme: Patchouli Knowledge (Touhou Project)
Provided by and jointed with: Phani
Best viewed together, profile customization still in progress



Scandalous Maido Love Affair and Pair: Phani
Estranged Ex: The RP Section Rules
Sworn Rival For All Eternity and about five minutes beyond: Chibi
Illegitimate Lovechild: Mika
Card-gaming Beta on a Leash: Scarlet

Age 30
Seen January 25th, 2022
Posted January 6th, 2021
1,584 posts
15.9 Years
Well, in all honesty small hands and long hair aren't the sole privilege of girls these days. (Let's show the effeminate boys some respect D=) Ahh...my bad for not sticking to uncertainty of gender in the review. xP

Anyways, fair enough excuse I suppose, except for the fact that this is addressed to the Gabite's trainer (evidence of which being the 'you's) so by logic it could not be told to another pokémon like this. xD But yeah, it's not worth quibbling over. :3

Alright, I'll remember that. xD Thanks AE, since I'm too lazy to type out the whole thing..

Bay

She/They
Dani California
Seen 3 Hours Ago
Posted 4 Hours Ago
6,347 posts
17 Years
Ack, this will be a short review as pretty much everyone else said what I wanted too and plus I am quite busy with other stuff!

I agree with Hanako that the 'trainer is bad' has been overused, but on the other hand this fic is a bit different as you are trying to show that Pokemon are smarter then what they seem. Also, it's cool to see a Pokemon that wants to evolve.

My assumption is the trainer is afraid of the evolutions from themeselves, most notably from this quote:

The other choice, though, would have some of your worries of losing cease. The outcome would be unpredictable, which is what upset me the most. I could be so much stronger--if only you’d let me. Since the very beginning, I’ve been told time and time again, "You can not evolve. I will not have such a lovable pokémon like you turn into… into…a monster!"
Aw...I actually love Gible's evolutions. I am not afraid to hug them. ;)

Lastly, the style in this fic reminds me of the one Saffire Persian used in her fic, "Anamesis" (I think I spelled it wrong O.o ). The only problem is sometimes I might get confused if this fic is in first or second POV because of the many yous in a first person fic. ^^;; I guess the reason though for that is to be in the trainer's shoes.

I quite enjoyed this fic. Hehe, I should probably go ahead and read your other fics. ^^ Well, good luck on your other projects!
Miles Edgeworth
Foul Play [On Hiatus]
Age 30
Seen January 25th, 2022
Posted January 6th, 2021
1,584 posts
15.9 Years
Ack, this will be a short review as pretty much everyone else said what I wanted too and plus I am quite busy with other stuff!

I agree with Hanako that the 'trainer is bad' has been overused, but on the other hand this fic is a bit different as you are trying to show that Pokemon are smarter then what they seem. Also, it's cool to see a Pokemon that wants to evolve.

My assumption is the trainer is afraid of the evolutions from themeselves, most notably from this quote:



Aw...I actually love Gible's evolutions. I am not afraid to hug them. ;)

Lastly, the style in this fic reminds me of the one Saffire Persian used in her fic, "Anamesis" (I think I spelled it wrong O.o ). The only problem is sometimes I might get confused if this fic is in first or second POV because of the many yous in a first person fic. ^^;; I guess the reason though for that is to be in the trainer's shoes.

I quite enjoyed this fic. Hehe, I should probably go ahead and read your other fics. ^^ Well, good luck on your other projects!
It's a mix of second and first POV. I did that with "I'm Sorry" too and I thought it worked out well.. maybe not so much this one, but yeah. It was fine for me.

I haven't read that fic by Saffire Person, but I probably should. XP I liked a lot of his/her (I'm confused with a lot of people's genders online.. o_O) one-shots.

Anyway, thanks for reviewing. :)
Age 30
Seen January 25th, 2022
Posted January 6th, 2021
1,584 posts
15.9 Years
Wow! This was amazing. It was a great point of view from the Pokemon (Gible to Gabite). It seemed almost poetic.

Hm! I guess that's how our Pokemon feel about us! Heh XD.
Thanks for reviewing. XP And, not all pokemon would think that.