I've made numerous grammar corrections. My changes in bold type.
You don't need the comma in red.
Mistake with quotes and capitalization. A topic in the grammar help thread explains this.
Any reason for the random capitalization?
Watch the tenses of the verb, stand.
Remember the punctuation
Remember the punctuation
Watch the sentence fragments.
Again, the quotes and sentence fragments. "Nevermind" is not a word; it's always two separate words.
Every time a new character speaks, it's a new paragraph.
Some sentences were confusing and didn't make a lot of sense. Others sounded choppy.
Description could use improvement, as could characterization. All we know about the characters is that Stacey is impatient and thinks Sammy is geeky. We don't know anything about the personalities of the other characters.
other reviewers may go into more, but grammar's my main thing and I briefly touched upon the parts that stood out to me.
Thanks.
I know I should lok along punctuation.
My 3rd chaoter will get more into characters and I will sort of punctuation in that chapter to.
Uts a bit too late for the second chapter though as I have just completed it.
Chapter 2 – Magnetic Problems Part One
“See you Professor!” Shouted the three trainers. The professor chased after them, “wait!” he shouted. Sammy, Stacey and Billy turned around. “You need more than just a Pokémon you know, here I’ll give you the rest of the equipment.” He said.
Professor Pine then passed them a small gadget with a few buttons, labeled Pokédex.
Another small gadget labeled Pokétch and 5 Red And White balls. “The Pokédex record data on Pokémon you see, the Pokétch is a device with many uses you currently have a stepcounter and a clock and the balls are Poké Balls used for catching weak pokémon” Explained Professor Pine. The three trainers all nodded. Professor Pine looked at Sammy and Billy. ‘Oh damn it. Which one is which?’ He thought. Sammy got a phone call. “Yeah, right, fine, okay, bye Mike” He replied to whoever was phoning him. “Here you go, Billy” Said Prof. Pine. He passed Billy a package.
‘I hope I’m right in thinking Mike is Sammy’s brother’ He thought to himself. Soon after, Stacey and Billy went back to their house to say a goodbye to their mother and father. Meanwhile, Sammy went home to flash off his new Pokémon, Bulbasaur, to his brother and taunt him with it. After an hour or so their journey really began and they left their home town, Willow Town.
After leaving they were already walking in tall grass, the main place where Pokémon appear. Billy saw a rock or what he thought was a rock. Two hands appeared from the rock and two eyes and a mouth, “Geodude” The Rock yelled. Billy nudged Sammy and whispered, “Dude, creepy rock over there.” He pointed at the “Rock”. “Geodude” The rock yelled again. “It’s a Pokémon, I think.” Sammy replied. And got out his Pokédex, “Geodude, a rock type Pokémon, it is exactly like a normal rock except the obvious hands, eyes and mouth” The PokéDex explained. Sammy & Billy were surprised their gadget could talk, they thought it only displayed information.
“Well I’m going to catch it!” Shouted Billy. Stacey looked around at Billy.
“Uhh.. catch what?” She said. Stacey had missed the entire conversation. Billy took no notice and sent out Cyndaquil for the first time from his Poké Ball. Billy took out his Pokédex and searched for Cyndaquil’s moves, he found scratch and leer. “Okay, Cyndaquil Leer! Get his defense down!” Billy ordered. Cyndaquil took the order and leered the Geodude. Geodude span around in a defensive shape. “Okay, Cyndaquil lets see if scratch will do anything now” Billy said. Cyndaquil ran up and scratched the Geodude, the Geodude seemed unfazed though. “Odd, I thought Leer lowered defense” Said Billy. Sammy then pointed to the Geodude and span around. Billy looked confused. “He used defense curl, it raises defense” Sighed Sammy. Billy then turned back to the fight and Geodude had tackled Cyndaquil to the ground. Cyndaquil was still fighting fit but he didn’t look as powerful as before the attack. “To solve any more damage….” Said Billy as he threw a Poké ball at the Geodude. The Poké Ball stopped in midair and suddenly sped off away form the whole battle. “What the?” Stuttered Billy. “Quick chase after it!” He added. Stacey and Sammy ran to follow the Poké Ball. Billy and Cyndaquil soon after followed, dodging all the Pokémon in the way of the tall grass. What would they find as they chased the rapid Poké Ball?
Chapter 3 – Magnetic Problems Part Two
After a while of chasing the Poké Ball that flew rapidly through the air, the trio,
Billy, Sammy and Stacey entered a thick forest which blocked the beautiful rays of sunlight shining on the Earth. The trees were all thick willows, which carried on row after row which a small pathway in between the sets of trees. “Come on, we’ve almost caught up with it” Said Stacey impatiently as the other two stopped for a breather.
Billy quickly got back up with a determination to get his Poké Ball back. Sammy stayed still for a while. But could then run faster than the other two and quickly went past them again. “Its simpler to wait, you can become stronger then” He exclaimed.
Sammy seemed very patient about his life up to this point, even though you could get a Pokémon from Professor Pine at your twelfth birthday he waited another two months to have his best mate beside him. The Poké Ball got faster and soon the source of the power making it drift away from the trio was clear. A bunch of silver magnets with eyes appeared. “Magnemite, Magnemite, Magnemite!” The magnets screeched.
Sammy whipped out his Pokédex as Billy and Stacey arrived with him. “Magnemite, a magnet Pokémon, it is electric and Steel type” The Pokédex informed. Sammy then threw out his Poké Ball to make his grass Pokémon, Bulbasaur appear. “Bulba” The Bulbasaur Shouted angrily. The Poké Ball then went straight onto a Magnemite.
“Oh No” Shouted Sammy. Stacey And Billy then released Cyndaquil and Piplup.
Their Poké Balls landed with Bulbasaur’s on the Magnemites. “Three Magnemites, Three On Three, Lets Go!” Ordered Billy. Stacey frowned at this comment and got angry, “Who said you can order me about!?” Stacey Yelled. Billy ignored her.
“Cyndaquil attack the middle Magnemite, Scratch!” Billy ordered. Cyndaquil, tired from the run, tried to scratch the Magnemite but missed as the Magnemite moved quickly to dodge it. “Piplup, Peck that Magnemite!” Ordered Stacey. Piplup pecked the Magnemite and it oddly seemed to do considerable damage as the Pokémon seemed too weighed down with Poké Balls to defend itself. “Okay, Bulbasaur, my friend use Leer!” Ordered Sammy. Billy looked as if he wanted to kill Sammy.
“What the Hell!? Do you want to lose these Poké Balls?” He screamed at Sammy.
Sammy knew what he was doing and turned around to face the Magnemites, one had shot a bolt of lightning at Piplup, which had now fainted. The next Magnemite paralysed Cyndaquil with a wave of thunder. The next Magnemite had a normal attack tackling Bulbasaur. “Okay… I was thinking this would happen, Leer again Bulbasaur!” Sammy ordered. Billy looked over at him in dismay. The three Magnemites all put an effort together to defeat Cyndaquil with bolts of lightning.
“Okay! Now Bulbasaur use Tackle” Ordered Sammy. Bulbasaur tackled all 3 Magnemites to the ground as they fainted. “Patience is key, my leers weakend them all so much they couldn’t withstand attack” Said a smug Sammy. The three collected up their Poké Balls. As they done that, Stacey spotted a mysterious figure in between in the bushes, rustling about. Later that day, they set up camp and talked about their first day as a Pokémon trainer. “Hey, I never opened that package that Professor gave me” Billy said as he got the package. He opened it to find a map of the Cham Region.
“Ah so we are in Willow Forest…” He exclaimed.