Ummm. This is weird. Script format doesn't suit, unless you are writing a play, and by the looks of the forum...-doublechecks-...yup, this is the 'Fan Fiction' forum.
*A massive hyperbeam bust's through the wall and almost hits Grey!*
Hyper Beam, not hyperbeam.
*Austin*-Great thats just like the 87th BIDOOF!!
It should be 'that's' not 'thats'. And why all the sudden scream 'BIDOOF!!' ? Strange.
And I am bothered that I have no clue what the characters look like. And I'm bothered by the rush and lack of description of surroundings as well. This needs a lot of work. You clearly are new. Don't get discouraged, just take the advice! And this also seems too rushed. It's like point A to B to C...it's really lackluster. And...don't abreviate Professor. That's really lazy. -_-;;
@TurtleKing-
My apologies. But still, Eevee shouldn't even be a choice, period. Designated or not.
Eevee has been a starter for so many fanfic characters, it's ridiculous.
I love Eevee to death, but I will agree here--it's too common in fics for a starter. It might just be a sign for...I dunno, lack of originality? Maybe if someone started with...Magikarp? That'd be funny. But, it is too common.