Pikachu's Grand Adventure

Started by Cosmic Tyrant December 11th, 2007 8:59 AM
  • 523 views
  • 2 replies
Age 34
He/Him/His
Sioux Falls, SD
Seen April 22nd, 2021
Posted March 18th, 2020
627 posts
17.9 Years
(This is my first fanfic that I've ever attempted. This fanfiction was inspired by a recent fanfiction that I believed had great potential, but fell short due to poor structure.)

Chapter one: It Begins.

Our story begins in the Viridian Forest. A herd of Pikachu are gathering berries for their afternoon meal. This particular afternoon happened to be very eventful for the Pikachu herd, as they have accumulated a larger amount of berries then they usually do. The Pikachu herd were about to sink their teeth into the biggest feast they have ever seen.

But then, something rather unusual happened. the sound of pawprints was heard. And by the increase in volume, the pawprints were heading their way fast. The Pikachu herd were puzzled out of their minds. They were the only Pikachu in the forest, so it wasn't one of their own. And on top of that, Pikachu were the only species of Pokemon in the Viridian Forest that had paws. What could be making this noise?

And there they were. Nidoran. The poisonous Pokemon had somehow managed to go from their usual habitat of route four to the quiet settings of Viridian Forest. There had to be about twenty of them. there were both male and female varieties. they looked tough, and they looked hungry. The Pikachu herd were getting antsy. They weren't about to let all of their hard work get stolen from them. There was only one solution: Fight. The Nidoran stampede came fast, but the small herd of Pikachu diddn't move a muscle. They began to charge electricity in their cheek sacs. Then the Pikachu heard let out a thundershock in unison.

The electric attack managed to hit a few Nidoran, but a majority of the stampede were still going strong. In a state of shock, the Pikachu herd began to panic. By the time they calmed down, it was to late. The Nidoran stampede got to their location, and started their attack. The females used their sharp claws to scratch at the Pikachu herd, while the males resorted to using their large horns to jab at them. Once they were done with their attack, the Nidoran began to horde a set amount of berries back with them to route four. When the Pikachu came to, they saw that their entire supply of berries were gone.

The Pikachu herd were quite furious. "This is an outrage!" The head Pikachu proclaimed. "Something must be done about this!" Another Pikachu spoke. "But what can we do?" She asked with fear. "We haven't a clue as to where they went." The head Pikachu began to pace the floor. "Well, as the leader of this herd, I know a lot of things most of you don't." He said as he stopped to stare at the sky. "I do know that Nidoran reside on a path known as route four. And since the Nidoran came from the north, they are most likely to be found that way." The head Pikachu said as he walked back to his origonal position. A third Pikachu began to speak. "Well even if we DO find the Nidoran there, then what? None of us are in good enough condition to fight!" The head Pikachu sighed at that statement. "Indeed you are right." He said.

"I'll go" Said a very meek Pikachu. Everyone turned their heads to the Pikachu. They all knew the Pikachu. He was the eldest of the children. The Pikachu diddn't like to travel too much, but he did have an overall powerful sense of justice, so he was very determined to complete this task. The Pikachu continued, "The Nidoran diddn't injure me too badly, so I should be alright." The head Pikachu was in disbelief. "Are you mad?" He asked the Pikachu. "There were around twenty of them! How do you expect to defeat them all?" He asked the young Pikachu. "I'll find a way." He said as he took a step forward. "You said it yourself, something must be done. I'll find a way to resolve this!" He said as he began to store electricity. The head Pikachu sighed again. "Well, if you really feel you are up to the task, then I guess it's okay." The young Pikachu smiled. "Great, thank you elder! you won't be sorry!" He said as he made his way north. "I'll find a way to make this work, you'll see!" The head Pikachu smiled back and shouted, "Good luck! May Arceus be with you!" before the young Pikachu was completely out of sight.

What encounters will the young Pikachu have on his quest to find his heard's berries? Stay tuned to find out!

(So, what'dya think?)

Margot

some things are that simple

they/he
Seen April 16th, 2022
Posted February 25th, 2019
3,662 posts
17.3 Years
Not too bad, but this could use some improvement.

For starters, you had quite a bit of grammar mistakes throughout the chapter. Just be careful about fragments, because a lot of your sentences were too short. Another thing, I believe the word is "herd" not "heard" so you're going to want to change that ;) You also want to make sure that you capitalize the beginning of your sentences.

Your story is also lacking description, add more detail and it will make your story more interesting and it could help out those fragments as well! Plus, it would be great if the pikachu's had more personality, that way we get more of a feel for them.

For your first story, this is pretty nice, just make sure to get some more detail in there. Good luck with the rest of it .^^
Age 34
He/Him/His
Sioux Falls, SD
Seen April 22nd, 2021
Posted March 18th, 2020
627 posts
17.9 Years
Thank you for the feedback. Please forgive me for the mispelling of "herd". I'm usually very literate. I could have swarn that was the correct spelling. I'll be sure to keep your points in mind. And don't worry about the personality thing. There's more to it then what I posted, it's just that I found it as a bit unecessary at the moment. But yeah, thanks for the feedback. I'll be sure to make improvements in my next chapter.