...would it be wrong of me to say that I love you? ^.^;;
Canon characters. More, canon characters without any romance involved. MORE, they're
supporting canon characters and not Ash etc. And if that weren't enough, it's
Bill!
<3.
...okay, down to business. ^.^;;
I love scenes like this, I really do, so that's even more of a bonus. I can easily imagine Bill being a bad cook, and even though you don't really see much of Lanette in canon, I think you've got her down really well. ^^ Then again, maybe I just haven't read far enough of the manga/seen enough of the anime.
One thing that got me wondering (although if this is a spin-off of Midsummer then it's understandable) is that there was no background as to where they were and why. Since they're all in different places in canon, it confused me a little as to why they were all together and made me want to know more. ^.^;; Yeah, I know, it's not the point of the story... but maybe a brief reflection from Celio as he came into the cabin, telling what happened during the day and why they're in that position.
Plus, the way you begin--with Celio coming in--makes it feel like you just picked the scene out of a pre-written story. He's coming into the cabin--okay, where did he come from and why? It left me feeling a little out of context, as though there's more going on that I haven't been told.
The other thing that got me was your lack of description. I know it can be a style and a literary tool, but to be honest, it really threw me off by the fact that you have... well, none. I know what all the characters look like, but even brief descriptions would've been nice--just a one-off mention that Lanette is brunette (she is brunette, right? It's been a while since I played RSE) or that Celio has glasses or something. I mean, I could so imagine Bill's hair getting in his eyes when he was trying to race through the cabin, and both Lanette and Bill are known for being messy (just look at their houses!) so you'd think the room would be horrible (unless Celio's a neat freak and has taken things in hand :P ) but there's no description of that kind. It left me feeling like there was something missing, that there's just the bare-bones and nothing to fill it in. Like one of those 'colour me' pictures you can print off the 'Net, before it's been coloured.
Little nitpicks:
As he cast a curious glance towards her, Celio sat across from her.
Repetition of 'her', so I think you could restructure the sentence. Maybe something along the lines of, 'Celio sat across from her, casting her a curious glance.'
...which still repeats 'her' but at least it's not in the exact same way. ^.^;; Uhm, yeah.
Her companion sighed. "You've never had Bill cook for you, have you?"
She shrugged. "It's odd, Celio. Usually, you're more supportive of whatever Bill does."
The bolded part got me here. Because she's shrugging and then saying it, it seems like she's about to talk about something they found in their research or something. If she's shrugging in response to Celio's question and
then addressing the fact that he's acting strangely, which are two different processes, then you should probably have something to separate them, otherwise the reader'll assume they're connected. Or I did, at least. ^.^;;
As Lanette looked up to watch him, he yanked open the door and rushed outside to dump the failed stew somewhere in the forest. Celio gave Lanette a knowing glance as she stared open-mouthed at the door.
You have a repeat of 'as' and a repeat of 'door', here, and I dunno, they just jarred me.
So yeah, overall, I loved it, and if Midsummer is anything like this then I'm there. ^^