Mainland Clash (PG-13)

Started by Rageman December 22nd, 2007 5:04 PM
  • 709 views
  • 4 replies
Canada
Seen August 6th, 2016
Posted October 29th, 2013
664 posts
18.2 Years
This may be a one shot, not clue, depending on how it turns out. First attempt ever.

PROLOGUE:
Johto was the last mainland which stood strong. Years ago, a war began. All because of the fact the restless Pokémon grew tired of their Pokéballs. The Pokémon had a swift, destructive plan. During the cold, frosty nights, the Pokémon began the plan. They caressed out of the chambers, or “Pokéballs”, and snuck out. Their destination, Mount Silver. From there, the Pokémon with the ability to fly would start the long, treacherous journey to Sinnoh, Kanto, and Hoenn. This plan was to awake the legendary Pokémon, and set terror to their ex-slave masters. Then, the slaughter began. The Legendary Pokémon had woken. They started the plan: Massacre the humans, and send the remaining ones to islands. After years of combat, the Pokémon finally won. Any humans who had not been torn limb-by-limb had been drove to the Sevii Islands, or islands in mid-ocean. Most people fleeted to the mid-ocean islands had drowned due to high tide. Only people at the Sevii Islands survived the brutal war.

Through the rough, long, past years, the people on the Sevii Islands attempted to rebuild the damaged islands. Some tried to flee to the other main lands, which had been demolished by the native legendary Pokémon of the main lands. Some of the stranded tried to get to the mainland of Johto. It was turned out to be the last living mainland, with cool, frosty winds, and flushed green lands. The Pokémon reigned here, and any human who visited Johto was to be tortured until death. Now, what was not expected was the fact that some distressed Pokémon were hiding underground. Now, these Pokémon did not mind the capturing of the Pokéballs. In fact, they often wandered into human territories to be caught. The secret of these Pokémon were attempted to be hidden, and those who found out were hunted and killed, or made to join the C.O.T, or “The Council of Trainers”. Some people who had found out rebelled, and went underground to the Pokémon’s lairs. The rebels later found out a secret: There were four legendaries who had refused to fight. The Regis. The Regis insisted to help the human side, because of all the troubles Pokémon had caused in Medieval times to humans. Now, harnessing the powers of the Regi trio, they attempted to rebel against the Pokémon and re-attain the mainland of Johto. They worshipped Regigigas, and partnered with the remaining Pokémon on the island. Here, two boys start their own journey to Johto, unaware of what lies ahead.


Depending on how this goes, I might continue. I'm also aware of alot of mistakes, so please help me get better.
Non-binary
Seen March 10th, 2023
Posted June 14th, 2017
777 posts
15.6 Years
I'll reveiw! Nothin' better to do.

It's a rather short prologue. One paragraph usually shouldn't be your whole prologue to the story. And, it's a bit confusing. Why do all Pokemon suddenly want to rebel against humans? Wouldn't many Pokemon be the trained Pokemon with loving trainers who are perfectly happy, and would never turn on their masters? More description about various parts like that could help...

One of the boys name was Hayden Rogers, who had long, smooth, chestnut-tinged light brown hair, who wore a pair of old, dirty blue jeans, and a small, deep red t-shirt. The other boys name was Rune Hobbs. He wore a loose, baggy, black pair of shorts, and he wore a night coloured black hoodie. Tomorrow, they would start their own journey to Johto.
Few problems with this part. You don't need to stop your whole intro to describe the main character. In fact, you really shouldn't. Of course, people will want to know his appearance, but it doesn't belong in the intro. It should come slowly in the story, probably the first chapter. For example, when you make the first chapter, you could describe how he "slips on a deep red T-shirt", or, "brushed his hand over his chestnut-brown hair". Another thought- perhaps you shouldn't even tell about the main characters at all in the prologue. All it needs is a description of the situation, or what happened before the events of the story. Then, in chapter one, you could start off with the situation of the main characters, and let the readers know more about them there.

Hope this helps. You've got a pretty interesting concept for a fanfic; all it really needs is some good writing to back it up!
Canada
Seen August 6th, 2016
Posted October 29th, 2013
664 posts
18.2 Years
I'll reveiw! Nothin' better to do.

It's a rather short prologue. One paragraph usually shouldn't be your whole prologue to the story. And, it's a bit confusing. Why do all Pokemon suddenly want to rebel against humans? Wouldn't many Pokemon be the trained Pokemon with loving trainers who are perfectly happy, and would never turn on their masters? More description about various parts like that could help...



Few problems with this part. You don't need to stop your whole intro to describe the main character. In fact, you really shouldn't. Of course, people will want to know his appearance, but it doesn't belong in the intro. It should come slowly in the story, probably the first chapter. For example, when you make the first chapter, you could describe how he "slips on a deep red T-shirt", or, "brushed his hand over his chestnut-brown hair". Another thought- perhaps you shouldn't even tell about the main character at all in the prologue. All it needs is a description of the situation, or what happened before the events of the story. Then, in chapter one, you could start off with the situation of the main character, and let the readers know more about him there.

Hope this helps. You've got a pretty interesting concept for a fanfic; all it really needs is some good writing to back it up!
Ok, thanks! I'll adjust the prologue in a bit, and save the character descriptions untill chapter one. (If there is one. ;) )