Be sure to spell out numbers (for example, instead of "
1 of the best days", put "
one of the best days").
Umbreon wasnt actually her first pokemon. Her first pokemon was actually an Eevee which later evloved into an Umbreon.
But Umbreon was still her first Pokemon, all the same. If it was her first Pokemon, a reader could guess that a beginning trainer would start with an Eevee and evolve it rather than manage to control an evolved Pokemon that requires great trust. It's implied that it was an Eevee in the beginning, therefore there is no need to state it.
Wow, your outfit consits(dont know if thats how its spelt or not) of a lot of violet and sky blue"
Don't include that you aren't sure of the spelling within the fic. You can say you were uncertain at the end of a chapter, but parentheses inside a fic are used to give reasonable and relating side info that's part of the story, not an author's not.
To be honest, it could use some work... But your start seems okay. (BTW, I believe the word is spelt "
consists", since you said you weren't sure.)