The Pain

Started by AnimeDDR110 January 13th, 2008 5:13 PM
  • 675 views
  • 3 replies
Age 28
Aoba Ward, Yokohama, Japan
Seen December 10th, 2013
Posted January 16th, 2008
517 posts
15.8 Years
The Pain

Its the pain
just the pain
only the pain
its killing me on the inside
and punching us on the outside

I want to avoid the cutting
but its not worth it
because i'm already
rotting away
what else could happen to me, or you?

I'm the one thats being bullied
i'm the one that kicks myself
when i'm dumb
i don't wanna change
but you really do

I am you
i am me
i am everyone that revolves around me
i'm the one that brings you to a stand
i am, your pain



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PunkerThanThou

way too punx for giraffes.

Age 32
Seen January 31st, 2008
Posted January 31st, 2008
134 posts
15.3 Years
hm. a bit depressing but nevertheless, you're young so your potential is thriving.

"I am you
i am me
i am everyone that revolves around me
i'm the one that brin
gs you to a stand
i am, your pain"


that is pretty damn deep. but i think you lack the secondary emotions that come with pain- you describe vividly what is happening to you, why not describe how it feels to, for instance, try and restrain yourself from self harming? what does the pain feel like? give it color. a substance. :]
simply me. societys for the dogs.
random trivia of the day: i've actually been around here since 2003. i didnt even know that.

PunkerThanThou

way too punx for giraffes.

Age 32
Seen January 31st, 2008
Posted January 31st, 2008
134 posts
15.3 Years
the main point of this was to spread this. notice at the last line of each stanza (except the 4th), talks about you getting pain. the pain in the end comes back to you, the reader.
Yep. I got that. I'm just one of those people that expects a panorama, I like knowing exactly how the pain feels, what it is. But as I said, you did explain your emotions thoroughly.
simply me. societys for the dogs.
random trivia of the day: i've actually been around here since 2003. i didnt even know that.