Fine, but only because you spelled it out in front of me.
"Can you smell the fresh air Glaceon?" Aaron asked his number one partner. He just had put on a fresh t-shirt, blue jeans, and his favorite blue running shoes his mother had given him at the start of his journey. His Glaceon was obviously well kept, bright blue, almost like it was shiny....
Glaceon nodded in agreement.
Aaron had just stepped off the cruise ship with his pal Glaceon, and it was a beautiful day. "I guess you'll want to get back in your ball, huh? Return! I wonder if I'll have a good challenge here like I did in Sinnoh..." Aaron thought to himself aloud.
Aaron turned around "Hm? No need to yell, I'm not that far away. And as for the battle, that would be a no, I just got into town and I want to relax for a bit." He didn't want to show his prize pokemon to someone who obviously just got their pokemon a week ago.
Okay, how does he know the girl so obviously only got her first Pokemon a week ago?
"Hmph, you must think you're that good, huh? Well I have news for you buddy, I'm not the average pushover. Don't let my looks fool you. You must think I got my registration out a cereal box, huh? Sabrina asked with a sting.
Aaron looked up in surprise, this girl was out of the norm. She was unique in a lot of ways, and articulate too. "Well if you insist, we can battle tomorrow. Where may I find the Pokemon Center?" His statements and his questions contained much more respect than before.
Okay, that's the first part done.
Short, choppy sentences, and a lot of flaws in realism, and some grammar/spelling mistakes, which, you know, I corrected, because I'm a saint.
Comments and constructive are deeply appreciated.
If you want 'em that much you can go and review Operation Main Frame for me now, after all, if this meant so much to you, you'll gladly pay me back, right? No, you won't, so try to never do something like that again, it gives a really bad impression to your readers.
Now, on to the story... The description could be a lot better, I'd advise you to read various fan fics here to see how people are described in different styles, and see if you can make your style somewhat different than the current robotic one you have now.
The sentences are short and choppy, add flavour to them, okay? And describe Aaron's surroundings... Rather than just saying that he stepped off the cruise boat, why not say he got off the blue and white cruise boat? I mean, that is incredibly basic, but it looks better to what you have down there.
Keep it to the same font and size.
This plot looks rather interesting, to say the least... If you listen to the reviews that you get, if you get any, seeing as you have so little self esteem as to whether or not you will get them, listen to them, they only want to help you improve.
Also, there are loads of realism flaws... He walks off the boat and gets challenged, and he knows somehow that she only got her Pokemon a week ago. Please explain how he knew.
Right, I'll come back later to do chapter one.