Ok I'm here again please remember i am trying to help i don't just ridicule you for the banter. Ok let's get this fanfiction on the road! I'll point out where some of the mistakes are and all of that so that you can see them.
I have put the corrections in bold, displayed below:
(Corrections already made)
Part 1: Kanto
Chapter 1: The Journey Begins?
Tommy woke up and looked at the posters on his wall; the red dragon known as Charizard soaring through the misty air. The little green dinosaur Bulbasaur jumping in for a tackle, and the poster that took a whole wall, the giant poster of the Sinnoh region. Tommy was always fascinated by the Sinnoh region, ever since it was discovered when he was just 8 years old. (Well I’m sure it was around before considering all the building etc so it would have been ‘discovered’ maybe you could say ‘ever since it has hosted it’s own Pokemon League’)
Tommy was now 13 and he was ready to start his own adventure to become the greatest Pokemon trainer ever. He came from the quiet town of Viridian and always used to go out and study the wild Pidgeys, Rattatas and Mankeys who roamed around outside his home. Tommy got out of bed and picked up the
Pokeball in a case next to him. He stared at the
Pokeball for a
second before letting out his new friend, Charmander.
He and Charmander left the room and went downstairs. Tommy saw his mum a tall lady with hair black like Tommy's cooking breakfast. Tommy quickly said hello before taking a slice of toast and sitting at the table.
"So, Thomas," his mum asked "when are you leaving."
"I'm going tonight, when Connor leaves," he replied.
Connor was Tommy's 18 year brother and today he would be receiving a
Pokemon. Tommy sunk his teeth into the thick layer of butter and through the crispy slice of bread. He threw the rest of his toast to Charmander, who greedily munched on it.
"Speaking of Connor" Tommy’s mum said, "he left you a note." She passed the note over to Tommy who read it straight away.
Tommy,
I have gone to see Prof. Oak and receive my Pokemon. After that I will go to the forest and meet Emma, you know how I feel about her. I will be back by 12 and then we can start training for our big journey. Get another Pokemon as well, but don't come near the forest, you will only embarrass me. (Maybe if you’re going to include some reaction in this the article should be inverted and the non-article text should be regular) Tommy let out a little chuckle before reading on.
See you at twelve bro.
Con.
Tommy looked at the clock on the wall. 10 o'clock. 2 hours until midday so plenty of time to get another
Pokemon. Tommy picked up his backpack and slung it on his back before rushing out of the house.
*********
"No, Con. We can't." Emma said.
"But your parents aren't in town," he replied.
"As much as I'd like to have se-" Emma tried to say before she was
interrupted by Tommy walking into the room.
"Connor, come quick," Tommy panted "he's back."
Tommy and Connor quickly ran back home to see the door wide open. When they walked in they saw chairs across the floor and the table broken. In amongst the wreckage was Tommy's and Connor's Mum.
She was
lying on the debris laden floor, with a giant gash on her head which was pouring with blood. Tommy immediately went to see to her. In the armchair in the corner of the room was a man. He had grey hair, and was quite podgy.
Connor shouted at the man "Dad. How could you do this, you bastard."
Now remember to start a new paragraph whenever a new character talks, some basic mistakes here and there but overall very nice. I would highly suggest adding more description to most scenes here are some of the points you can expand on:
What does Tommy look like? (hair colour, height, weight etc)
What does his house look like? (Modern, old fashioned etc.)
What does Charmander look like? (Yes i know we know what he looks like but refer to him sometimes as Charmander; a lizard like Pokemon with stunning green eyes and a tail that shook in the wind etc)
Clothes
Other characters appearance
Scenery (Trees are always a nice one because there are so many different types, also remember to tell us about the terrain so we can get a good picture in our heads)
Use Microsoft Word ( It'll allow you to not only save your documents but to also get them spell checked, grammer checked etc. If your worried about the names of the Pokemon coming up in red simply add them to the dictionary, that way when you spell their names wrong you can see instantly.)
So expand on those points for next chapter and this fic will take a huge jump, good luck and keep at it. See you next chapter.