Fanfiction Lounge Page 19

Started by ^^NICK^^ v.2.0 September 6th, 2003 7:57 PM
  • 882196 views
  • 15269 replies

Yami86

Speedy Speed Boy!!!

Age 36
Sydney, Australia
Seen October 5th, 2006
Posted November 15th, 2004
78 posts
18.7 Years
Hey everyone, I've just uploaded the 8th chapter, part 1 of my story, A Hero Emerges. It's quite long so I've had to break it into three posts. I apologise for the delay, but university work is really starting to catch up to me. Anyways, all reviews are welcome and appreciated.


Woman was taken out of man -- not out of his head, to rule over him;
nor out of his feet, to be trampled under by him; but out of his side,
to be equal to him -- under his arm, that he might protect her, and
near his heart that he might love her.
-- Henry

Dragonfree

Teh Spwriter. :3

Age 33
Female
Iceland
Seen February 9th, 2020
Posted November 28th, 2012
1,290 posts
19.1 Years
Well, I can't help having a bit of disrespect for Farla, not because of the fics she writes, but because she spends her time making fun of fanfics in her LiveJournal (without actually reviewing them). She has a point in many of the things she says there, but I just can't possibly find it fair to pick apart a fanfic for not following the games well enough. She picks apart fanfics for implying that Numel is slow without having looked at its Speed stat, not making shiny Pokmon sparkle and making Smog work like Smokescreen, all with this kind of "obviously-everybody-will-agree-with-me" attitude. And a lot of it happens only in her LiveJournal to make fun of the authors (and the reviewers who liked the fic, because she tends to mention them too).

But meh... she's a good writer. Just very disrespectful...



As a side note, I've put up chapter twelve of The Quest for the Legends.
~Butterfree/Dragonfree/antialiasis of The Cave of Dragonflies

Still not going to sprite for your fangame. Sorry, but I don't really sprite or give out permission for people to use my fake Pokémon anymore.

Frostweaver

Ancient + Prehistoric

Age 34
Male
Canada
Seen September 11th, 2016
Posted July 30th, 2016
8,246 posts
19.7 Years
@ Quest for the Legends (ch. 4)

-grammatical mistakes again... but then I can pretty much say that for any fanfic but Road to Palantria

-can always rework some sentence structure just a little, so that you don't have those boring "nothing but physical description" sentences... I don't like them myself.

-err... the whole big convo about Rick is rather... annoying. There's so much conversations, and not really are they that necessary.

-eeks... nothing much to say. It's rather short and stuff... but then Rick having legendaries... personally I don't like that idea, but nothing is wrong with it for a fanfic though. Just that personally I don't... like it.

-weird diction... Charmander being alluded to a ghost?

Grammar Basics: 8/10
Plot/Character Basics: OMIT/20
Tone/Diction: 13/20
Writing Skills: 13/20
Effort/Originality: 23/30
Lit. Device bonus: +0

Total: 57/80, => 71/100

Dragonfree

Teh Spwriter. :3

Age 33
Female
Iceland
Seen February 9th, 2020
Posted November 28th, 2012
1,290 posts
19.1 Years
Meh, told you chapter two and four were my worst... the ghost thing came from the fact that Charmander had been following him around without actually doing anything, like he had no will of his own and was just like a spirit trailing after him... meh, it was just some weird thought when I was writing that end. Chapter five is WAY better.
~Butterfree/Dragonfree/antialiasis of The Cave of Dragonflies

Still not going to sprite for your fangame. Sorry, but I don't really sprite or give out permission for people to use my fake Pokémon anymore.

Frostweaver

Ancient + Prehistoric

Age 34
Male
Canada
Seen September 11th, 2016
Posted July 30th, 2016
8,246 posts
19.7 Years
@ Raven- Mechyena Saga (ch. 2b)

-awkward diction: "blanket of clouds... cold too..." Obviously, cold + blanket = contradiction. Have to watch out.

-grammar mistakes occassionally... again. But little stuff like that... meh

-err... talking Pokemon... are never really that original. And the reasons for a talking Pokemon in this fanfic isn't that outstanding either. If it's a psychic type, perhaps you could've jsut make it speak by telepathy.

-Raven's flashback could have used some sort of indication to seperate it from the rest of the story... like a line across the page or something, or readability's purposes.

-"who are you" contradicts with the psychic ability that Polienix used at the end... a plot flaw, but not a big one.

-Some parts of the chapter, near the middle, got a few lines that suggests how Polienix doesn't exactly trust Raven because they have just met. However, this does act a little against the fact that Polienix is a baby, and those innocent talk from Polienix later on.

-change in the general fanfic marking system, due to various people commenting how effort/originality seems to worth an awful lot, yet it is the least objective category out of all. So, a new category is introduced, the "coherence/readability." It rates if the story is easy enough to read, and if the story really flows.


Grammar Basics: 8/10
Plot/Character Basics: 15/20
Coherence/Readability
: 8/10
Tone/Diction: 14/20
Writing Skills: 15/20
Effort/Originality: 16/20
Lit. Device bonus: +1 (flashback, antecedent action)

Total: 76

Frostweaver

Ancient + Prehistoric

Age 34
Male
Canada
Seen September 11th, 2016
Posted July 30th, 2016
8,246 posts
19.7 Years
@ The Queen's Sacrifice

-endorsed...? Wrong word usage here... endorse does mean support, but only support from a public statement (related to people)

-hehe... a mini-irony... cute

-hmm... wrong section of the forum, Lily =p

Non Pokemon fanfic really don't belong here... (or at least, i can't find anything "Pokemon" in this fanfic... though you attempted to draw some connection between chess and Pokemon, it's really dragging the quality of the story down... no matter how many times I read this over, I still can't draw this to be related to Pokemon at all.)

-there's still a few things that I couldn't answer, and with 2 tests tomorrow I can't afford to read it again. Still have to find out "purity," "forest," and the "player" who was never directly mentioned but was insulted by the knight implicitly... so...

Review mark: delayed and postponed until tomorrow >>;

Lily

◕ ‿‿ ◕ double rainbow.

Female
New Joisey
Seen February 26th, 2017
Posted June 26th, 2011
3,329 posts
18.7 Years
Ah...alright. I just had to see how the basic outline had to be. XD Mmm, the idea I used was correct, and I really wanted it to interact with Pokemon, but guess not. ;_;

Oh well. Thanks anyway E- Frost. >_> <_<;

*coughs*

( ‿‿ ) PM me for a contract.
Age 36
Seen February 14th, 2012
Posted February 1st, 2009
446 posts
18.7 Years
well, I ended my poll, and Pocket Monsters Chronicles will have its old chapters replaced. Chapter 2's going up soon, so if you haven't read chapter 1 yet, I suggest you get to it.

EDIT: Well, chapter 2's up now. I have a question, is it at all possible to insert a post between existing posts with a mod's help or anything? I ask because my post exceeded the character limit, and I had to move the notes to a later post. Since I am replacing older chapters, that means I'm editting the same post on which the previous chapters have been on. I predict that I will write a chapter that, with or without notes, will exceed the limits, and when that happens, I don't want to post the rest of the chapter at the very end of the thread.

Yami86

Speedy Speed Boy!!!

Age 36
Sydney, Australia
Seen October 5th, 2006
Posted November 15th, 2004
78 posts
18.7 Years
Well, I've just uploaded Chapter 8, Part II of my fanfic, A Hero Emerges. Hmm, I think my fanfic chapters are getting longer each chapter. Anways, enjoy! As always, reviews are welcome :)


Woman was taken out of man -- not out of his head, to rule over him;
nor out of his feet, to be trampled under by him; but out of his side,
to be equal to him -- under his arm, that he might protect her, and
near his heart that he might love her.
-- Henry

ReploidZero798

Fear me..fear the shadows

Age 33
In the empty shell of a home.........
Seen December 15th, 2004
Posted November 30th, 2004
839 posts
18.8 Years
I started posting my fic here and just wanted to announce it to see if anyone will read it. It's called Pokemon Grand Adventure! :chinese:

JUMP-SIMPLE PLAN
Don't wanna think about tomorrow
I just don't care tonight
I just wanna jump
Don't wanna think about my sorrow
Let's go
Forget your problems
I just wanna Jump
I don't wanna wake up one day
And find out it's too late
To do all the things I wanna do
So I'm gonna pack up my bags
I'm never coming back
'Cuz the years are passing by
And I'm wasting all my time
I'm sick of this house, sick of being broke,
Sick of this town that's bringing me down,
I'm sick of this place, I wanna break free
I'm so frustrated
I just wanna jump
[spoiler=Twins With]Fallen_Angel[/spoiler][spoiler=Rivals With]FireEmporer[/spoiler][spoiler=EBIL TWINS WITH]DarkAvengerCobra, almost as EBIL as I am[/spoiler][spoiler=adopted by]flame_chi ^0^[/spoiler]
[spoiler=friends of mine....not you]Dark Avenger Cobra, PIKA2, DFdadragons, Cyndy, Lizzie, Max Hunter, billybob, Master Angel, Scyther, KiraYamato, FireEmporer, Flame_chi, Awesome Jerry, DarkMagician, Nateitude, Rocket Executive, Lady of the Shadows, Mew13, Gym Leader Miya ,AdamHays, Amanda/Gardy, pika-mew, dark_espeon, BREE,TACOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!PM me if I forgot you......I have a horrid memory![/spoiler]
Chaos by Claire XD*thanks you*

Frostweaver

Ancient + Prehistoric

Age 34
Male
Canada
Seen September 11th, 2016
Posted July 30th, 2016
8,246 posts
19.7 Years
Sorry for not doing any fanfic reviews, but I'm just so busy lately...

@ Guilty by Design

-lovely usage of sentence structure! Everyone just have to love that "five years prior..." But I personally will like it more if there's a cutoff line right after that line.

-and everyone has to love anime-based fanfics too that aren't actually based on Satoshi ^^ Have to love these one-episode-appearance-characters getting their own fanfic.

-not really a mistake, but just want to comment on the fact that "thirty something" is just something we say, but not something we write. We write "around the age of thirty."

-slight grammatical errors... almost all of them are problems involving run-on sentences (like "Rebecca was seated at the table with the pink egg was set snugly in a bed of towels in the center." )

-hmm the part that briefly mentions the mother's death within the family sounds a bit awkward to me somehow... could be expanded a little? Talking about Rick being suicidal is rather unsupported by the rest of the fanfic...

-hmm... we see well made characters as well ^^ I don't think that this is lacking character description... just because they aren't the most explicit at times.

-A very entertaining story, as every thing is original, underused ranging from the Pokemon selection (YES NO MORE EEVEES!) to character choice. The story is catchy, with a highly original plot that follows some small detailed traits from the Pokemon anime. Obviously, the true work of a real observant Pokemon veteran.

Grammar Basics: 9/10
Plot/Character Basics: 16/20
Coherence/Readability
: 10/10
Tone/Diction: 16/20
Writing Skills: 17/20
Effort/Originality: 18/20
Lit. Device bonus: +2 (flashback + antecedent action, foreshadow)

Total: 88


@ Pokemon Grand Adventure

-no rates available, due to the fact that it violates ABSOLUTELY EVERY SINGLE fanfic "no no"s out there, such as anime style battling, vague title, traditional uninteresting OT beginnings, dialogue spam and missing descriptions... let's fix up these basic elements of a fanfic first, then rate.

-by reading other fanfics, learn from the more experienced writers and see what makes their fanfic so popular and entertaining. Most of the time, it's NOT the plot that makes the difference in the long run (though for the first few chapters, yet it is). It's about their writing style...

-read the sticky articules about some basics to fanfic writing


@ The Crazy River


-the first sentence doesn't even make sense... try to use MSWord to check for mistakes like that.

-character description spam is just not good... don't do that. If you want to include character description, incorporate it within your fanfic along with some little actions, not to just throw out a bunch of description (especially if they're physical descriptions).

-humour is certainly the point of the fanfic, but even humour needs a little bit of common sense... like why's Gold there in the first place? Length can fix these issues. Add on descriptions! Humour can make do without much emotions or character descriptions, but you still need descriptions about something...

-the rating changes due to the change in genre...

Grammar Basics: 6/10
Plot Basics: 10/20
Coherence/Readability
: 7/10
Humour: 10/20
Writing Skills: 12/20
Effort/Originality: 16/20
Lit. Device bonus: +0

Total: 61
Dark bowels of Maryland
Seen January 12th, 2006
Posted January 12th, 2006
1,383 posts
19.7 Years

-slight grammatical errors... almost all of them are problems involving run-on sentences (like "Rebecca was seated at the table with the pink egg was set snugly in a bed of towels in the center." )
Whoa... not only was that a run on, it was COMPLETELY BUTCHERED! Thanks, that one must've slipped past me. I'll edit that sometime and post the next chapter. Thank you for the review.

Frostweaver

Ancient + Prehistoric

Age 34
Male
Canada
Seen September 11th, 2016
Posted July 30th, 2016
8,246 posts
19.7 Years
@ Irony

-hmm... sounds *so* familiar... O.o; Perhaps I read the older version on ffnet before or something?

-I don't think that you can say "live on a forest" unless you're building a city on top of a forest or something... perhaps "leeches off the forest" is what you mean?

-occasional short phrases that are missing a verb here and there... but that's no big issue, and rather minor of a thing

-could have saved the word "irony" at the end... the more you use such an important word for this oneshot, the less powerful it becomes. Important ideas come at the end, so you should delay the concept of "irony" to the end.

-too many paragraphs... a new paragraph starts when there's a new speaker in a conversation, or when there's a change in what is being talked about/explored. Really, a few of the paragraphs can be combined as one, such as Absol's escape scene...

-The 2 scenes of Absol barging out of Fortree's gym, and how he's captured by a "kid" when a few moments ago there are people behind him with guns (perhaps you can say that the kid's parents got guns or something but... that's kind of stretching it) ... These scenes are rather weird and a bit hard to understand...

-I don't see anything else being a "mistake" but this doesn't mean that it's a 80+ production. Some things could really use some expansion (mostly Absol's lament over his lost family, and various disgusts/insults at human beings in all). The theme is clearly pointing the spear head at the disgust of humanity, but the lack of support from the story really weakens the theme. Mentioning those "good trainers" also weaken the theme... Tone and diction are rather generic, not really contributing much (but not really taking away anything either.) But you can't really do much about this except for writing more and reading more...

Grammar Basics: 9/10
Plot/Character Basics: 14/20
Coherence/Readability
: 8/10
Tone/Diction: 14/20
Writing Skills: 14/20
Effort/Originality: 16/20
Lit. Device bonus: +1 (flashback + antecedent action)

Total: 76

Dragonfree

Teh Spwriter. :3

Age 33
Female
Iceland
Seen February 9th, 2020
Posted November 28th, 2012
1,290 posts
19.1 Years
-I don't think that you can say "live on a forest" unless you're building a city on top of a forest or something...
Well, that's exactly what Fortree City is, isn't it? :P

Yeah, you might have read the old version at FanFiction.Net. Or the "retelling" I wrote a bit later, which was extremely short and was the Absol (who's a she, by the way, as mentioned in the story) thinking about it later.

The basic idea behind the whole thing was kind of confusing, but it was pretty much that first, one group of people went out and started shooting and killing the Absol. Then later, another group went off to try to *catch* the surviving ones. When they did find her, they found out that she was injured and trying to fight them, so they shot her with a tranquilizer, caught her in a Pokball and brought her to a Pokmon Center, where she was healed. Then she was put into her Pokball again, and sold, ultimately ending up with that kid, who first used her battling versus Winona in the Fortree Gym. Yeah, I know, there was no way to get half of that from the story itself. ^^;

The theme in itself wasn't the disgust of humanity. The most important parts were when she injured the boy but didn't really think about it (while she had been saying earlier that humans were filthy for "firing their death staffs in the direction of innocent Absol kittens that stare, terrified, at their fathers dead body") and then when it ended and she had some backthoughts about that maybe there was some sense in that superstition but shrugged it off with "that's too ironic to be true". Then there was also how she was all "humans are the hellspawn" until she was being treated at a Pokmon Center, which was when she remembered the stories about how there were also 'good humans'.
~Butterfree/Dragonfree/antialiasis of The Cave of Dragonflies

Still not going to sprite for your fangame. Sorry, but I don't really sprite or give out permission for people to use my fake Pokémon anymore.

Frostweaver

Ancient + Prehistoric

Age 34
Male
Canada
Seen September 11th, 2016
Posted July 30th, 2016
8,246 posts
19.7 Years
blah... thought it said the mother was killed >>; sorry about the he/she mixup

Yes I do understand that the 2nd group uses "tranquilizer" but still... going from "Green Team" to "Kid Trainer" is very confusing. I never caught *anything* about being sold... O.o; or even, passing "mysterious objects" from one to another (which would be gold/cash/whatever valuables but even that never happened.) So what's why it's confusing... it's missing the selling scene.

Hmm... I disagree with that interpretation. First of all, Absol talks of the people hunting down Absols (aka "humans are the bad guys folks, and you better believe me.") No doubt about that part, and then those "Green Team" comes in and saves her by sending her off to a Pokemon center. If it is only that, then your statement will be true about how not all humans are bad, and that Absol is acting on prejudice and biased opinions.

However, we see that "somehow" Absol ended up into the hands of a trainer without any form of consent or agreement from Absol, be it a battle, or Absol agreeing to be the trainer's Pokemon. That is suppression of freedom, which is a key element of what Absol believes in. I personally interpret the attack against her trainer to be a method for her to fight for her own freedom, to get rid of any form of interaction with the humans (which is also supported from the story in the beginning, when she decides to run and move out of the forest instead of revenge and fight for life/honor.) To me, the attack is justified, and of course that's what the humans will be getting for what they've laid down in the past XD

Hmm... but then there is the line "Intentional? Definitely not" which I can't explain... Alright... I'll readjust the marks a little. I won't say that I agree with you, and I still think that there's an acceptable amount of back-up to support my interpretation that disgust of humanity is very likely to be the theme of this work. But I'll give you the recognition of it.

Grammar Basics: 9/10
Plot/Character Basics: 14/20 + 1
Coherence/Readability
: 8/10
Tone/Diction: 14/20 + 1
Writing Skills: 14/20
Effort/Originality: 16/20
Lit. Device bonus: +1 (flashback + antecedent action)

Total: 76 + 2

New Total: 78

Dragonfree

Teh Spwriter. :3

Age 33
Female
Iceland
Seen February 9th, 2020
Posted November 28th, 2012
1,290 posts
19.1 Years
*gets idea*

Mwahahaha. Fear revisions. XD


By the way, the "Intentional? Definitely not" refers only to the fire, not to the kid. She doesn't really care about that because she's a bit of a hypocrite, especially since it's vaguely implied that maybe the boy is still in the burning building.
~Butterfree/Dragonfree/antialiasis of The Cave of Dragonflies

Still not going to sprite for your fangame. Sorry, but I don't really sprite or give out permission for people to use my fake Pokémon anymore.

Frostweaver

Ancient + Prehistoric

Age 34
Male
Canada
Seen September 11th, 2016
Posted July 30th, 2016
8,246 posts
19.7 Years
just because that maybe the case, it isn't impossilbe for Absol to be talking about one thing, but is actually referring to something else, which is what I perceive to be the case... ._.'


@ Reborn

-err... regardless of how many times I read the story... I still can't get anywhere ;_; I'll... hopefully use one more day to see if I can find anything. If not then the mark... can be hideous >>; I really can't believe that there's finally a Lily production without any sort of theme or major ideas at all...

Lily

◕ ‿‿ ◕ double rainbow.

Female
New Joisey
Seen February 26th, 2017
Posted June 26th, 2011
3,329 posts
18.7 Years
;-; Oh gee Frost, it's quite amusing to see all of the so called 'Lily Productions' must have a theme. XD And the hideous mark part...Ima...just going to curl up in that little fetal position over there in the corner and sulk all day long.

I don't get it...what don't you get? o_O; Seems to me the one shot is quite simple enough, perhaps you are...looking too hard? (bad for the eyes dear *la* XD!) The title merely indicates not that it's literally 'reborn'...but in a different concept..how am I to explain? ._.;

( ‿‿ ) PM me for a contract.

Frostweaver

Ancient + Prehistoric

Age 34
Male
Canada
Seen September 11th, 2016
Posted July 30th, 2016
8,246 posts
19.7 Years
*is very busy, and probably can't do one until Friday comes... 7 exams in 3 days aren't pretty >>;*

And I'll take an educated guess that whatever "Heart of the Card" is about, the story is probably going to be rather limited... I'm rather *very* doubtful about it. But I maybe wrong, as all I know about it is the title... but the chance of me being wrong in this sense with such a "suggestive title" shouldn't be off by too much...

Kylie-chan

[span="background:#000; padding: 2px 10px;"][color=#C47399]NERF [b][i][color=#789DED]THIS[/color][/i]![/b] [color=#F7E1EE]♥[/color][/color][/span]

Age 29
Non-binary
New South Wales, Australia
Seen December 3rd, 2022
Posted October 5th, 2016
14,976 posts
18.7 Years
I thought Heart of the Cards was a TCG fic... I'm so stupid. *slaps self angrily*
*erased former rant*
I take this back. I'm just a drama queen. XD everyone tells me that oh well when I perform in theatre and they don't, maybe they'll copy me...
PON PON WAY WAY WAY

あの交差点で皆がもしスキップをして もしあの町の真中でてを繋いで空を見上げたら

Frostweaver

Ancient + Prehistoric

Age 34
Male
Canada
Seen September 11th, 2016
Posted July 30th, 2016
8,246 posts
19.7 Years
@ Heart of the Cards

-the title = headache... unless you're trying crossovers, do NOT use any suggestive titles like that which may cause your readers to think that this is a fanfic based on something else instead of Pokemon. And even for a crossover, it's too unoriginal and boring for a title.

-I was right... this fanfic is rather limited. Let's expand on why it's so limited then.

-we get ENDLESS conversations, one after another, in an neverending cycle as if the narrator is dead... NOT GOOD. You have to add in details in between. This is so much like the anime, except we're missing the visual pictures aka all the details. When this situation lasts on for chapter after chapters, you are really asking me to stop ready by the end of chapter 1, and you almost succeeded in doing so.

-the tone for Misty is quite accurate to an extent though, maybe even slightly exaggerated. The fact that this fanfic copies the anime copied absolutely everything from the anime, the good and the bad. The copy of tone in this case, is a good thing. Everything else, is not.

-when the plot within the first 2 chapters are direct "copy and paste" of the GBTCG game, you get a OT card version >>; Slightly original, but equally boring.

-and as a card player myself, on a side note, let's just say that those decks in the fanfic make the starter decks in real life look good >_>; (hey that's just like what the YGO anime does! They use completely not usable decks yet still miraculously become world champions! HA!)

-a good attempt at a Pokemon TCG fanfic... but making it a combination of YGO anime on top of Pokemon anime will always result in pure chaos

Grammar Basics: 8/10
Plot/Character Basics: 7/20
Coherence/Readability
: 7/10
Tone/Diction: 14/20
Writing Skills: 10/20
Effort/Originality: 12/20
Lit. Device bonus: +0

Total: 58


@ Reborn

-either I failed to think properly this time, or this fanfic is... relatively a lot weaker than all the others x_x;

-when some what should have been important quotations appear in this fanfic, they lack the setup/build up in front of it that'll make them sensible. "Darkness is not the word I'm looking for" is quite an important quote, but alone it gets nowhere... it lacks some supporting/thematic sentences that should be before it.

-usage of oxymorons and some interesting dictions are shone... but... they really lead to no single common theme or idea again. It's suggestive, but suggests nothing in practice. Not a "mistake" but just that in comparison to all of your other work, it's rather surprising to see that...

-verb error... not "I shall probably fail" but "I will probably fail." Watch out.

-silence makes a stunning appearance as if she is going to play an important role, yet quickly she seems to be forgotton, never mentioned (explicitly or implicitly) ever again O.o;

-Paradox! Yay! Another high level thinking at work... too bad that the paradox is held together very weakly without support...

-and there are other "egg fanfics" ;p I've read a few.

-An oneshot high in potential, with the brilliant usage of oxymoron, contradiction and a paradox (or perhaps even 2 if one of them isn't so weak that I just eliminated it from my head), but it lacks support to hold everything together. Many different pausible theme is mentioned, but all of them are mentioned once and are forgotton later on, unlike the other oneshots such as Forgiving Tears, and Reflections... too bad. High in potential...


Grammar Basics: 8/10
Plot/Character Basics: 12/20
Coherence/Readability
: 8/10
Tone/Diction: 15/20
Writing Skills: 15/20
Effort/Originality: 16/20
Lit. Device bonus: + 2 (oxymoron, paradox)

Total: 76

Lily

◕ ‿‿ ◕ double rainbow.

Female
New Joisey
Seen February 26th, 2017
Posted June 26th, 2011
3,329 posts
18.7 Years
76! yay? *glomps, clings, hugs* o.o;

Support...Haven't really thought of that much, considering I was impatient to just get straight to the concept of it. I doubted I could make something like Forgiving Tears and Reflections again, considering Lily can't feel her hands now. ^_^ And you read plenty of more egg fics? Funny, I couldn't find it. ;;

Oookay...for the first time, my own one shot confuses me greatly...ugh. But thank you for the review frost.


~LP

( ‿‿ ) PM me for a contract.

Kylie-chan

[span="background:#000; padding: 2px 10px;"][color=#C47399]NERF [b][i][color=#789DED]THIS[/color][/i]![/b] [color=#F7E1EE]♥[/color][/color][/span]

Age 29
Non-binary
New South Wales, Australia
Seen December 3rd, 2022
Posted October 5th, 2016
14,976 posts
18.7 Years
That's a very good review from Frostweaver. (OMG. It's so lengthy. My head reels.)
PON PON WAY WAY WAY

あの交差点で皆がもしスキップをして もしあの町の真中でてを繋いで空を見上げたら