Fanfiction Lounge Page 52

Started by ^^NICK^^ v.2.0 September 6th, 2003 7:57 PM
  • 882196 views
  • 15269 replies
Is there a Treeland? If so, there.
Seen March 13th, 2013
Posted April 22nd, 2011
454 posts
18.7 Years
There's a fic somewhere out there (I think it might be even on the first page) where it doesn't even have a summary thing. Just dunno which one it is. ^^;

I think it's fun to read older fics by mods and see the widdle authors grow up into big kid moddies. :P Aw, widdle Oni is growing up lol.

Mmm yeah, the only problem I have with the "genocide" (lol) is the fact that they could improve the next time around. Then again though, if you see that your fic is closed, then they REALLY know they have to improve in order for their fic to not be closed again.

Where be Lileh? Me haven't seen her for awhile. X3

Frostweaver

Ancient + Prehistoric

Age 34
Male
Canada
Seen September 11th, 2016
Posted July 30th, 2016
8,246 posts
19.7 Years

Where be Lileh? Me haven't seen her for awhile. X3
Good question ;_;

But either way... I *think* that I can start reviewing stuff again ^^; But then how should I do it this time in case of exam rush again...? =o
Bittertown
Seen September 2nd, 2009
Posted December 28th, 2008
7,901 posts
19.7 Years
Frosty... you still have to review my one fic... >>;;

And if you're interested in my older fics, read:

"Friday", "Roommates", "Call of Dragons", "Valentine's Day", "Love's Lost", "Tree Across The Meadow"

... >> I think I forgot some good ones... but yeah. Just search for those and they're pretty good IMO... XD

Pocket Monsters Special!
Age 37
California
Seen August 20th, 2006
Posted July 17th, 2006
752 posts
18.4 Years
I'm glad to see that against is taken against bad fics.

BTW, I'll work on my NEW HMW revision (as well as another fic) sometime soon. I've already have a beta reader, but I wouldn't mind another.


My stuff
My LiveJournal | Pokemon Fan Universe (Friend's forums)

Age 36
Seen February 14th, 2012
Posted February 1st, 2009
446 posts
18.7 Years
heh.... Pika Power just gave me a negative reputation, commenting "GIVE MY FIC A CHANCE!! AND DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO HARSH!!!" Just shows how much he's willing to take advice. Oh, god forbid you admit your plot sucks and refuse any comments that could actually help you improve. Oh no, go right ahead and whine in all capital letters, you're bound to get respect sooner or later by doing so.

Anyway, I reposted chapters 7-12 of Pocket Monsters Chronicles.
Is there a Treeland? If so, there.
Seen March 13th, 2013
Posted April 22nd, 2011
454 posts
18.7 Years
heh.... Pika Power just gave me a negative reputation, commenting "GIVE MY FIC A CHANCE!! AND DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO HARSH!!!" Just shows how much he's willing to take advice. Oh, god forbid you admit your plot sucks and refuse any comments that could actually help you improve. Oh no, go right ahead and whine in all capital letters, you're bound to get respect sooner or later by doing so.
Lol, that's awesome. X3 Those silly authors!

So I'm allowed to read everything but Ties of Love and Friendship? It can't be that bad.

Frostweaver

Ancient + Prehistoric

Age 34
Male
Canada
Seen September 11th, 2016
Posted July 30th, 2016
8,246 posts
19.7 Years
http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=34118

@ Valentine's Day (by Niko)

as the digitized beeping of the digital clock
this is repeated... the beep off of a digital clock is obviously digitized

A wandering hand emerged from the stockpile of white blankets, hoping to hit the button in order to cease the digitized beeping of the clock. After a few attempts, the black button was finally pushed using the palm of the hand. The sound ceased and the hand withdrew back to the heap of blankets. However, due to the motion of the withdrawing hand, clock was accidentally pushed to the side of the table and it fell down to the carpeted floor. A groan of irritation came from the sleepy pile of blankets and pillows. The mattress creaked as he moved to his side.
really anime-like scenario... though these are ordinary opening scenes that are acceptable to the anime, they aren't as useful here because they really don't contribute to any part of the story. Shorten this part of the description so the story moves faster.

Blue is a dark brown haired girl just like Green. Except she kept her hair long and she was quite perky and lively.
"except" isn't used correctly here... except is a conjunction, but here it isn't linking to anything. The period in front of except has to be changed to a comma.

Not that shes his girlfriend (except that she was once Greens girlfriend) or anything but Blue likes to get presents (she has the habit of taking any present that wasnt intended to be hersin other cases, ripping them off).
this one is awkward... the syntax can be reworked so not so many brackets are in use. The part about liking presents is rather repeated by the bracket as well...

-Green's behavior is a bit OOC for him o.O; He's too cool in the manga to ever do that (assuming that he does like Yellow) >>; Sounds more like a Gold-thing type... same thing for Red... he's tacking on to the same style of personality as Blue O.o; These 2 are the main characters and their personality are all weird compare to the manga that we all know and love... huge problem.

He asked Red to give those to Yellow instead of giving them personally.
a bit confusing... as Red giving it to Yellow is also giving it to her "personally." You want to be clear in your writing.

-slightly confusing in terms of story structure... you talk about the kissing scene (a year ago) after you talk about the valentine's day for this year... it gets really confusing to see that Green left with the yellow flowers and then you're suddenly talking about the chocolate and a bouquet of flowers... possible that the flowers are the same yellow ones, but where did the chocolate come from if that was from the same time period? The story jumps back and forth in terms of time a bit too much... making it confusing. Is it the kissing scene 1 year ago, or the 2 day before valentine's day, or is this valentine's day? No idea...

He noticed that he was glaring. For some reason unknown, he decided to ignore him and continued running.
i think there's some silly mistakes in punctuation here... perhaps it should be a comma, and then the period? It'll make much more sense (after adding in the necessary conjunctions of course) that way

-some of the details don't contribute to the fanfic so you can take those details away... for example, how Yellow's next class is four floors down... unless four is somehow significant (which i doubt), that's a useless piece of info...

-the part where 1st person narrator is used is so cute... but then later the 1st person narrative is gone and its' back to 3rd person again. Stick to one type of narrative throughout the story, and i think the story will work better this way...

Good Points
-1st person narrative section is effective in conveying its atmosphere
-romance mixed with small amount of humor

Future Improvements
-further refining your story so it contains no irrelevant detail (difficult to do but try)
-story structure when flashback is used
-fix up some silly mistakes (like punctuations) with more proofreading

Title: 4/5
Grammar Basics: 9/10
Coherence/Readability: 7/10
Characterization: 12/20
Story Structure: 10/15
Tone/Atmosphere: 14/15 (good job)
Diction: 14/20
Effort/Originality: 12/15
Lit. Device bonus: +1 (1st person narrative)


total: 83
Age 33
Philippines.
Seen April 8th, 2012
Posted April 9th, 2010
1,331 posts
18.3 Years
talking about me there? thought so...we were only posting in HLBMA, nothing bad ::whistles:: XDD SPPF isn't that bad, i'm serious...my fic is still on the first page, even if i posted there last...
Lol, yes, we're talking about you there too! lol!

Welcoem to the fan fic section Jane! I hope you'll post here since Breezy and I will be talking baout people who loves to bump threads.....

I don't see in PC about bumping threads rules though.....

And uh, is it necessary to do reviews here? Okay then, here's my fic then...

http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=33828

Spriting done by me. Don't be stealing. ;x
Click on the link to go to Mikoto's fanlisting.
GPXPlus Profile | Other Links

Lady Demoonica Darkmoon

Shiny Hunters Club Co-Owner

Age 40
Female
West Virginia, USA
Seen March 10th, 2017
Posted March 1st, 2017
912 posts
18.3 Years
Is it only Pokemon storys that are part of the fic of the week or are the 'Other' storys counted also? It's doesn't have pokemon in it, but uses the same idea: catching with a ball. I don't mind if it isn't included. I believe it's length (43 long chapters) has frightened readers/reviewers away. Rated PG-13.

Bishounen: Demoonica's Story
Age 62
Male
Melbourne, Australia
Seen April 26th, 2018
Posted June 9th, 2014
11,439 posts
19.7 Years
Lily ish busy~

*stares at first Pokfic* That thing was crap. :) I should take it out of my sig. Except it's still in progress XD *goes off to write more oneshots*

"JA: The Oneshot Specialist Who Couldn't Write Chapter Fics To Save Her Life"


"One reason why mathematics enjoys special esteem, above all other sciences, is that its laws are absolutely certain and indisputable, while those of other sciences are to some extent debatable and in constant danger of being overthrown by newly discovered facts."
Albert Einstein

"What science can there be more noble, more excellent, more useful for men, more admirably high and demonstrative than mathematics."
Benjamin Franklin

"Mathematics, rightly viewed, possesses not only truth, but supreme beauty – a beauty cold and austere, like that of sculpture, without appeal to any part of our weaker nature, without the gorgeous trappings of paintings or music, yet sublimely pure and capable of a stern perfection such as only the greatest art can show."
Bertrand Russell

avatar and signature by FoxHound

ANNOY ME AT YOUR PERIL. I am becoming increasingly tired of the unmanly elitism and closed-mindedness of certain members who shall remain unnamed.

Casual Billy

Wargreymon: Miracle Mega

Seen May 12th, 2006
Posted December 29th, 2005
217 posts
18.2 Years
Hey, is Annie online? 'Cause this post is for her, Annie Wonucares.

Dear Annie,

Mah fic's been updated after a period of about a month and 3/4ths. Check it out. The delay was not due to writer's block or anything just....well, check it out. I liked writing it and I hope you will like reading it. If you haven't been reading the fic thus far, start at chapter 4 because that's where it picks up.

Sincerely,
Billy5772
convo snip-it of the moment:

billy5772: not worth responding to
anonymous: You responded though.
anonymous: Thumbs up for flawless logic.
billy5772: so. i can do things not worth doing, can't I?
billy5772: case in point: i talk to you all the time
(billy5772 is an alternate screen name of mine)

Age 35
In a blue house with a blue window.
Seen January 2nd, 2009
Posted May 29th, 2005
189 posts
19 Years
Hey, all. I was wondering if any of you would be so kind as to drop me a couple of reviews at fictionpress:

http://www.fictionpress.com/~aiyaquackform

I haven't gotten any there, and it's starting to depress me. :/ Anyway, they're both short, "Sins & Scars" in particular, (it's less than 250 words.) Thanks in advance!
Random Quote of the Undefined Period of Time: Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.



Seen March 2nd, 2014
Posted December 28th, 2012
135 posts
18.2 Years
Dear Annie,

Mah fic's been updated after a period of about a month and 3/4ths. Check it out. The delay was not due to writer's block or anything just....well, check it out. I liked writing it and I hope you will like reading it. If you haven't been reading the fic thus far, start at chapter 4 because that's where it picks up.

Sincerely,
Billy5772
Billly, you're a freak. (we're friends so I can bash him!)

I came to ask if theirs anything that can be done about the length limit? If not, whats the best way to get the charachters in a section of your chapter because my word count is innacurate and I constantly have to edit my posts over and over.
Wow...my writingness has changed since my last siggy. That is all.
Age 41
On a stage, acting out the nightmares of a giant space cockroach
Seen December 7th, 2006
Posted November 17th, 2006
594 posts
18.2 Years
*Squee!!!* This is so much fun! I've posted chapter two of my Pokefic, "The Power to Shine"! :D I'd forgotten how much fun fanfiction writing could be! Read and review if you get the chance! Otherwise, no cookies for you! Lol. Just kidding, guys! I don't have any cookies... lol. *Goes off to pout in her cookie-less existence*

Sorry for the weirdness. I'm in genki mode right now. The cold medicine is starting to kick in! Let's hear it for Sudafed! Yeah!
Pokémon Connection - My new forums. Come here to trade, battle, or visit secret bases!
Come see me at the Pokemon Diamond and Pearl Trading Post!

Age 36
Male
Singapore
Seen April 21st, 2012
Posted April 20th, 2012
219 posts
19.3 Years
TTYO lifts up his hood.
Greetings, I have updated Pokemon Revenge Ep1 Enter The Field. A climatic battle is starting between Mount Silver Pokemon and Silver Town. The Wild Force will sacrifice many members to the jaws of Wild Pokemon.

The Tierra Guardians from Team Rocket will be trying to reach San, Giovanni's daughter, who is joining Celebi to fight Silver Town.

I will be there.....

Just KIDDING HAH A HA HA

Lady Demoonica Darkmoon

Shiny Hunters Club Co-Owner

Age 40
Female
West Virginia, USA
Seen March 10th, 2017
Posted March 1st, 2017
912 posts
18.3 Years
Nope, but you ask reviews from our master reviewer Frostweaver...
Point Frostweaver to my story if/when they have Three Hours free to devote to a huge non-pokemon story. (It's a close to one as you can get without useing pokemon.) It's actually longer than the 'Other Fanfiction's Lounge' thread! *Laughs* I never did get an answer if non-pokemon storys could win fic of the week though.
Age 33
Philippines.
Seen April 8th, 2012
Posted April 9th, 2010
1,331 posts
18.3 Years
Nope, but you ask reviews from our master reviewer Frostweaver...
Well, she sent me a Pm and I replkied to it, but still, maybe she's too busy to do reviews as of now.....

Spriting done by me. Don't be stealing. ;x
Click on the link to go to Mikoto's fanlisting.
GPXPlus Profile | Other Links

Frostweaver

Ancient + Prehistoric

Age 34
Male
Canada
Seen September 11th, 2016
Posted July 30th, 2016
8,246 posts
19.7 Years
I never did get an answer if non-pokemon storys could win fic of the week though.
I'm pretty sure it's a *no* simply because this is the Pokemon fanfiction section ^^; Not that your fanfic is bad, but just because this part of the forum reserves the special recognition to fanfics centered around Pokemon. However, that allows you the access to win whatever awards they got (hopefully they got some) over in other writing.

As for reviewing a non-Pokemon fanfic, sure I don't see why not provided that I finish up with the 2 Pokemon ones I got right now first. However, I'm very sure that if the story is as long as you've claimed it to be, 3 hour is definitely not enough... It takes me 3 hours to do a review on perhaps 2500 words worth of story... Yeah I work slow >>;

Right now i still have to study for Physics IB... by the 20th should be able to do 2 reviews. I read 3 of the 6 chapters for PMC already, and there's hardly any visible mistakes so that review should be done quickly ^o^; and then I can move on to Four Friends to a New Beginning (from the title though, there's a 95% chance that this story is capped to be above good but probably not enough into the ranks of Standard of Excellence... that much I can say. Only PMC got such a terribly dull title yet surprises everyone with an excellent script format ;p)
Age 62
Male
Melbourne, Australia
Seen April 26th, 2018
Posted June 9th, 2014
11,439 posts
19.7 Years
When I was still a mod there we didn't have any awards, simply because it was rather... inactive, but maybe they've put some in now~


"One reason why mathematics enjoys special esteem, above all other sciences, is that its laws are absolutely certain and indisputable, while those of other sciences are to some extent debatable and in constant danger of being overthrown by newly discovered facts."
Albert Einstein

"What science can there be more noble, more excellent, more useful for men, more admirably high and demonstrative than mathematics."
Benjamin Franklin

"Mathematics, rightly viewed, possesses not only truth, but supreme beauty – a beauty cold and austere, like that of sculpture, without appeal to any part of our weaker nature, without the gorgeous trappings of paintings or music, yet sublimely pure and capable of a stern perfection such as only the greatest art can show."
Bertrand Russell

avatar and signature by FoxHound

ANNOY ME AT YOUR PERIL. I am becoming increasingly tired of the unmanly elitism and closed-mindedness of certain members who shall remain unnamed.