Everyone's Dream

Chapter One​

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Part One​

Dreams Really Do Come True.​

"Go Nidorino!" The four legged monster charged forward, with it's purple scaly skin gleaming as the lights shined in the stadium, The charging Pokémon was gaining speed, "Now! Use Horn Drill!" The Pokémon immediately aimed its sharp horn above its nose towards the opponent. A ghostly Pokémon, it stood there in its round dark shaded body. Its ears poked out from it's ball of a body that aluminates it's gazing expression of it's face. The commentators' had gone silent, the World eagerly anticipates the final outcome.

"Brian!" a voice screamed up from the stairs. A young teenage boy laid there in his bed, snapped back into reality. The boy leaned up from his relaxing position and sighed.

"Oh for goodness sake, what!" a bellowing voice came out in return. The boy got out of his bed and walked to the door of his bedroom, turning back around to the Television inserted into the wall watching the Pokémon charge at the opponent.

"Brian!" the voice screamed even louder in anger from downstairs.

The boy jumped in surprise and quickly shouted back "I said I'm coming!". He stormed down the stairs and turned to face his mother, who had a huge smile on her face, with long flowing brunette hair that glistened her cheeks. With eyelashes as dark as the night that highlights her hazel eyes.

"Cup of tea please Brian" she said to the boy, she walked away into the lounge in her short jacket that fitted perfectly with a long skirt that reached down to her skinny knees.

The teenager, walked over to the kettle in the white tiled kitchen that brightened up when the lights came on, the boy switch the kettle on. He stood there impatiently, desperately wanting to find out the outcome of the battle, twitching his fingers and blinking his blue eyes. The boy brushed back his neck length brown hair and scratched his acute nose, with his hair brushed back, the complexion of his face stood out from his neck. He wasn't fairly tall, but was what you say an average height for a teenager. His baggy clothing didn't really show much of his body. Although, he was quite skinny and very shy. He stood there thinking though, thoughts about the match crossed his mind, thinking very in-depth, he realised Horn Drill would of had no effect on the ghost-type Gengar.

The kettle finished boiling, Brian in his blue jeans, vans trainers and baggy red t-shirt poured the water into the cup and walked over to get the milk from the fridge. He poured it back in the cup and sighed, knowing who must of won the battle. Brian was now sixteen, his face has started to develop into a more mature way. He took the tea into the living room and passed it over to his mum. "Thank you Brian". The teenager grunted at that he missed the battle, as he walked out to the door, he saw Professor Gary Oak come onto the television. With his face lightning up, he turned and rushed back to the nearby chair, turning his attentions to the television.

"Hello there young trainers, I'm Gary Oak. This world has been revolutionised over the last fifty years, it's hard to believe we're in the year 2058. The world has so much technology, just look at your television. Its voice controlled, when I was younger. We had a remote; we had to get up to get it. Ha-ha! Anyway, I'm here with three Pokémon. Charmander, Bulbasaur and Squirtle. The three starter Pokémon in Kanto for as long as I can remember. The chosen three trainers will take one of these Pokémon and begin their journey. From the ages of 10-16, you have the chance of starting a fascinating adventure in the World of Pokémon. Sign up through the television, internet or by phone." The advertisement finished and Brian looked to his mum.

"No Brian, you're to go to college and get an education. Not become a Pokémon trainer." Brian went off in a strop up the stairs and flew himself onto his bed that bounced his body back off the bed and onto the floor.

"For bleedings sake." Brian turned his head to his television as the winner was crowned a Pokémon Master. That's Brian's dream, to become a Pokémon Master and meet all sorts of Pokémon. He had only met a few Pokémon in his life, they seemed so rare in Pallet Town nowadays. But once you leave the town, there is so many different sorts of Pokémon. Brian's family has had Pokémon as pets. Spinxy, an Arcanine, it passed away when Brian was very young. Casper, an Absol who passed away three years ago. While currently his family have Deiner, a Flareon who is getting on in her years. And a youthful Umbreon named Cosmo, who Brian remembers as an Eevee when he first saw him. Brian would love to go out on an adventure with Cosmo, but his family wont let him.

The night grew on, nearing midnight and Brian got off his games console. Not knowing, tomorrow will be the most important day of his life. "Lights out." The boy yawned out as he tucked himself into his bed.


The blinds slided open as the clock hit seven thirty. The television in the wall switched on with Pokémon News and Brian got out of bed. "Cosmo!" the teenager yelled from his room. Suddenly the door barged open as the well-groomed Umbreon stood in front of him wagging it's long shiny black tail, Brian smiled back at him and stroked him on his head, "Walkie." Brian quietly said to Cosmo. The Pokémon jumped for joy as the boy and Pokémon pet ran downstairs and out the door. Brian got out his music player from his pocket and put the ear-phones in his ear, Cosmo ran ahead of him down the road with houses to the left and the right, trees on the paths with fields of grass at the end of the street. Brian walked down the street following the excited Umbreon. Brian smiled as he ran forward and then back to him and then forward again. The teenager looked up to the hilltops in the distance, overseeing the whole of Pallet Town. He looked back at Cosmo "Here boy, this way". The dog Pokémon looked towards the teenager, defiantly his favourite of the family. Brian and the Umbreon walked towards the hilltops, where the world of Pokémon begins.

A while later, just passing the local shops. Brian saw his friend Daniel, also sixteen, an old classmate of his.

"Hey Brian, allo Cosmo". The teenager said, Daniel has short brown hair that compliments his chubby face. With short eye-brows, it doesn't seem noticeable. His over-weight image doesn't seem noticeable either, as his baggy clothing makes it less obvious.

"So where you off to Cawdy?" Brian asked, 'Cawdy' his nickname. Daniel's nickname Cawdy, comes from his last name, Cawdron.

"Well, you know the time of year is around again." Daniel spoke out in a victorious stance, almost like Peter Pan.

"What are you talking about? Brian said as he blinked his eyes in confusion.

"You know, three more starter trainers. I thought my luck was out, but I got chosen!" Daniel grinned with joy. Brian looked at him, raising an eyebrow.

"What? You got chosen, how? I thought you didn't even sign up." Brian replied as he walked over to the Pokémart store.

Daniel followed him into the store as Cosmo waited outside. "Well, because I did so well in my GCSE's. And as you know, I was voted the best student for hard work and effort. Then I got a personal phone call from Professor Gary Oak offering me the chance, I couldn't turn it down. I've got to go off to the lab now." Daniel stood there looking at Brian, with his face full of joy and surprise.

"Well, are you coming then?" Daniel spoke as he walked over to the till with a map of the Kanto region.

Brian looked to the hill-tops outside the shop window and then back to Daniel, "Yeah, sure".

"That'll be £4.95." The shop-keeper said to Daniel as the money was handed over to him. Daniel turned and looked to Cosmo waiting outside the store.

"He's a good Pokémon, why don't you go on a journey with him? You're like best friends." Daniel asked Brian as he walked over to Cosmo, taking the Map of Kanto.

"My mum won't let me, you can understand why. But I don't want to be a PE Teacher and go to College, I want to be a Pokémon Master." The boy replied with a disheartened face.

"Your opportunity will come, but don't be jealous of me. As I'll be jealous of you when you set off on your journey as well." Daniel replied as he walked over to the field in the direction of the Oak Laboratory.

Brian looked at the Pokémon Stadium game and then at Cosmo, "The real thing is so much better, but even if I could go out on a journey to be a Pokémon Trainer. My mum said it's too dangerous, but I don't mind. I'd have my Pokémon to help me, she doesn't understand." The boy walked out to the shop and over to Daniel as he shouted out. Cosmo quickly followed.

"I'll tell you what, when I get my Pokémon from Professor Oak. I'll give you a battle with Cosmo, your Mum won't find out. I promise. How about it?" Daniel said to Brian as they walked over to the nearby field.

"You know what, I think I will. What do you say Cosmo?" Brian looked down to the Umbreon walking beside him, it lifted it's black furred head as it's long ears pounced up and smiled, letting out a cute "Umbre."

Brian then smiled and laughed, "You're going down Cawdy!" Daniel turned his head to the boy and laughed as they walked across the field blossoming in the sun-light.


After a short walk, the two friends and Cosmo arrived at the lab. A small crowd was there to give a big send off to the chosen trainers. The lab was on top of a large hill with a road that leads up to it, with gates at the bottom to keep the lab safe of trespassers. Brian and Cosmo waited at the gates as Daniel headed up the road on the hill, with a big cheer from the crowd by the gates. Brian stood there watching Daniel head up the field. "You know what, he's probably already sweating. Not a great first impression eh Cosmo?". The boy and the Pokémon looked at each other and smiled.

At the top of the hill, Daniel reached the lab with Gary Oak and another trainer who was chosen; his name was Patrick, a fourteen year old with short blonde hair with a very young face that looked around ten. Despite his young looks he was very serious about the situation in his rugged black T-shirt and torn blue jeans. The two chosen teenagers and Gary Oak stood there, waiting for the third.

The three of them waited for around ten minutes in silence, hearing the cheers of the crowd at the bottom of the hill. Daniel looked around at the surroundings, the sunlight beamed off the glass windows of the Oak Laboratory. With the bright blue skies without a cloud in-sight, not a more perfect day for a Pokémon trainer to start his journey.

"I guess neither of you could dress up for the occasion." The Professor chuckled out while saying the sentence. The two teenagers looked up at the Professor and shook their heads. The Professor put his hand to his mouth and faked a cough, "Right, I get the point." He mumbled in embarrassment.

Another twenty minutes went by and the crowd quietened down, while the two trainers got impatient. The professor was more worried, not in many years had a starter trainer been this late. He walked to the door of the laboratory that stood high in the air with glass windows as it's walls, with the light beaming onto the glass it created a beautiful glow on the building. "Wait here please, I'll check with Tracey what's going on." The Professor walked into the lab, the two trainers looked inside the building through the glass, the Professor in his long white lab coat and spiked grey hair walked over to Tracey by the Pokéballs, more advanced than fifty years ago. They wasn't the traditional red and white, they now were coloured by the colour the trainer chooses by voice activation. To help the trainer remember which Pokémon is in that pokéball.

The two trainers looked at the Professor speak to Tracey who was blurred in the sun-light. "What's going on?" a familiar voice came from the distance. The two teenagers turned around to see Brian walking up the hill with Cosmo. He came to a halt in front of them, "Well? Where's your Pokémon and where's Gary Oak?" Daniel looked into the laboratory through the glass windows, revealing where he is for Brian. "Why is he in there?" Brian asked Daniel.

"Because the third trainer hasn't showed up." a voice came from the door that slide open. The three teenagers looked over to the Professor.

"What? Why not?" Brian asked again as he walked over to the Professor with Cosmo with his black fur shining as the light beamed onto it.

The professor looked to the teenage boy and then to the other two teenagers, "Because" the Professor paused. "He just sent an e-mail saying he wasn't ten, he was eight. He was too honest and apologises. He said he'll wait another two years before he signs up again."

Brian looked in surprise and saw the opportunity, "Let me be the third trainer then." The boy shouted out in excitement.

"You know, that isn't such a bad idea. It would take weeks to sort out another sign-up, you're here and very eager. But what about you're Umbreon?" The Professor asked Brian very confused.

"He's my families pet, Cosmo his name. But my Mum wont let me take him on an adventure with me, as much as we'd both like to." Brian replied with a saddened face.

"Well, there is Charmander, Squirtle and Bulbasaur for you three to have as your first Pokémon. Let's all head inside." The three teenagers rushed into the building as the door slide open, the Professor shaking his head and smiled as he followed them in with Cosmo.

The three teenagers stopped in the centre of the room, looking around at the isles of Pokéballs all in there own sort of organised order by each trainer that leaves them here. The room to the left was a simple lounge, they realised the Professor also lives at the laboratory. Brian thought to himself, "Wow. I can't believe I'm in here, I can't even believe I'm going to be going out on my journey very soon." The Professor walked to the lounge which had a completely different setting to the room he just walked from, it was cosy, a home.

The three teenagers followed the Professor into the lounge and sat themselves on the leather sofa by the door. They all looked around the room, it wasn't like their homes. It seemed very old to them, with brown wallpaper, leather furniture and a box television in a wooden cabinet. "Wow, you must be really old!" Patrick, one of the three teenagers shouted out while laughing. Brian and Daniel looked at each other and tried not to laugh.

The professor pretended not to notice and went to the other room, "Maybe he's too old to hear" Brian whispered to Daniel, laughing under his breath. Daniel burst out into laughter, Cosmo got excited and wagged his tail by all the laughing. The Pokémon jumped up onto Brian's lap and looked over to the Professor walking back into the room with three Pokéballs. The traditional red on the top of the ball and white on the bottom, with a black line in the middle. With a white button within the centre of the black line, presumably to open the ball.

The Professor walked to the coffee table in the centre of the room with the leather sofa's surrounding it. He placed the Pokéballs onto the table as the teenagers watched very intrigued. "Which one's Squirtle?" The boy Patrick shouted out as he stood up, keeping his eyes fixed on the three Pokéballs.

The Professor looked over to Patrick standing with his fists clenched in excitement, "Please Patrick. Stand over here by the table." Patrick then walked over to the table quickly, nearly knocking the table over. "First of all, calm down. Secondly, the idea is. That you don't chose the specific Pokémon, but. One of the Pokéballs at random, is that fair enough?" The Professor asked the three teenage boys. They all nodded in agreement. "Right, pick one Patrick. Seeing as you got here first." The boy stood there, looking at all three Pokéballs. He directed his hand over to the ball on the right, but then pulled it back. He then grabbed the Pokéball in the centre with both of his hands and smiled.

"This one! I have a feeling this is the best one!" The Professor then looked at him, nodding. Signalling to let the Pokémon out and see. The boy then threw the ball in the air, the ball hit the ceiling and opened on contact. A beam of red light came out like a lightning bolt with a gushing noise. As the red light faded away, the shape of the Pokémon appeared as the ball fell back into the boys hand. A brown shell appeared with blue arms, legs and a round bald head came out of the hell. "Squirt, Squirtle." The Pokémon spoke out as he opened his large eyes. "Yay! I got the Squirtle!" The boy shouted out as he went to grab the Squirtle. The turtle Pokémon jumped away behind the Professors legs very frightened. "Does he not like me?" the boy said very upset.

"You came on too strongly Patrick, you have to realise these Pokémon are babies. Be gentle with them, start off slow and your friendship will become very great indeed." The Professor said as he slowly picked up the Squirtle into his arms.

"He seems okay with you though!" The boy replied in jealousy. The Professor walked over to Patrick and opened out his arms; the Squirtle looked over to the boy and blinked its eyes, "Squirt!" The Pokémon cutely said while reaching out to the Professors face with its tiny aqua blue fingers.

"Squirtle, I'm really sorry if I scared you. I want to be your friend, please." Patrick said quietly to Squirtle, trying to get its trust and attention. The Squirtle rolled back into the Professors arms and its head, arms, tail and legs went back into its shell. The boy then pointed the Pokéball at the Squirtle in its shell. "Return Squirtle." The boy commanded. A beam of red light came out in the direction of the shell and it faded into the red light and went into the ball. The boy looked at the ball as the light disappeared into the ball and sighed. "We'll be friends soon, it'll just take time."

The Professor nodded and looked over to Daniel and Brian, who had waited very patiently with Cosmo who jumped off the sofa to the table. Daniel and Brian stood upright from the leather sofa and walked to the table. They both looked at the two balls left and took one each, Brian took the one on the left, and Daniel took the one on the right. They looked at each other and remembered what they had said earlier, the Pokémon battle.

Daniel looked to the Professor, "Err, Professor Oak Sir. You see me and Brian agreed earlier that we would have a Pokémon battle once we both have our first Pokémon, although Brian and Cosmo would have battled. You see, we would like to battle with these Pokémon outside." The teenager explained while holding the Pokéball.

"I guess that should be okay, are you going to see what Pokémon was left?" the Professor asked the two sixteen year olds.

Brian looked to the Professor, "We would like to find out what we got outside, not before the battle. When we start, if you get what we mean." Brian explained to the old Professor, who nodded as he directed the three trainers and Cosmo outside to the room they were in beforehand.

The door slid open as they walked out to the front of the laboratory. Daniel and Brian walked out last with Cosmo. The Professor stood by a mount of grass. Brian and Daniel stood by the slide door and looked to the Professor, "Okay Brian, Daniel. You must space yourselves out so there's room for your Pokémon to battle. I will be the referee, Patrick you might want to watch al.." A sudden noise came interrupting Professor Gary Oak. The crowd had came up to the top of the hill, all walking up the road with camera's and signs. A news reporter rushed to the Professor with the camera crew.

"This is Pallet News reporting at the Oak Laboratory, where it seems three new trainers have been selected to go on a once in a life time journey." The female reported with tied back blonde hair in her smart business like suit. The cameras were pointed over to Daniel, Patrick and Brian with Cosmo. "These seem to be the new starter trainers, we are unaware of what Pokémon they have been given. As they are all holding there Pokéballs given by Professor Gary Oak, grandson of the late Professor Samuel Oak." The reporter rushed past Gary Oak to the three trainers with the camera crew as the crowd were kept out by the closing gate.

Gary Oak rushed over to the new trainers and reporter, "Please leave, you are not welcomed at this present moment. An announcement of the three trainers will be at eight pm at the Pokémon Centre." The reported looked over to Gary and then looked back at the teenagers, ignoring what he said.

"So what's your name and what Pokémon did you get boy with the Umbreon?" The bossy reporter asked, pointing the microphone at Brian.
"Err, err..." Brian tried to find the words but couldn't deal with the camera and reporter so in his face.

"This one is useless." The reporter said in disgust and pointed the microphone to Daniel as the cameras moved over to him. "Hi, you're live on Pallet News. What's your name and the Pokémon you got?" the reporter grunted to Daniel.

"You've got a huge spot on your nose." Daniel said pointed to it on live television. The reporter covered her nose with her hand and turned away in anger pushing the camera crew out of the way, rushing to the gate.

The professor walked over to the trainers and sighed, "You won't be able to get home for hours with that crowd. I never thought it'd be this chaotic, wait inside. I'll ring your parents to come here. You'll have to start your journeys tomorrow morning." The new trainers walked in to the glass building as the door slid open, Professor Oak and Cosmo followed them in as the security came out to try get the crowd away.

Well, hello there. I haven't had a good change to review something in a good while.

First off, I had a hard time reading this because everything was stuck together. Hit enter twice when someone new is speaking and also if something different is going on...if that makes any sense. You'll know what I'm talking about if you take a peek at some of the other stories around here.

"Go Nidorino!" The Nidorino charged forward towards the opposing Gengar, a ghost Pokémon.

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Hmm. Well, what do Nidorino and Gengar look like? I'd love to know. Just telling me that Gengar is a ghost doesn't really help.

The Pokémon immidiatlyaimed his horn towards the opponent and as the huge finale of the Indigo League was about to come to a close, the crowd screaming.

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Seperate 'immediately' and 'aimed'. Also, this sentence seems a little...run on. And it makes no sense. Take out the 'and' before 'as', because it's not really needed there. Also, having 'the crowd screaming' at the end of the sentence makes it look odd. I'm not really sure how that could be reworded, but I'm sure you could think of something.

He stood there thinking though, he thought about the match very in-depth and realised Horn Drill would of had no effect on the ghost-type Gengar.

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Well, it's always good to know that someone can implement humor into the story. Nice job on that.

The kettle finished boiling, Brian in his blue jeans, vans trainers and baggy red t-shirt poured the water into the cup and walked over to get the milk, his hazel eyes shined in the light with his longish brown hair brushed back as the wind came in from the window.

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Whoa, whoa, whoa! I can't really tell what's going on here. It's all clumped together. You need to make the description of Brian flow, not have it listed. Also, the first part of the sentence(about the kettle finishing) should be it's own sentence. Having it stuck in there with Brian's description is a little odd. The description of his eyes is well done. His hair...um, well, 'longish' isn't really a word. Try to use an actual word rather than a coined word. ;D

"I said i'm coming!".

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Always capitalise 'I' or 'I'm' or whatever with 'I' as a pronoun. Always. Basic English right there.

Brian was fairly small, was always the smallest in his life, but has grown in the past couple of years, now sixteen his face has started to develop into a more mature way.

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In his life? What? I could understand if you said 'class', but life? That doesn't really fit. Also, put a comma after 'now sixteen'.

It's voice controlled, when I was younger. We had a remote, we had to get up to get it.

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Wait, what? It should be:

"It's voice controlled. When I was younger, we had a remote! And we had to to get up to get it!"

Something along those lines, anyway. Also, it is a little unesscesary to talk about the television. I understand what you're trying to do, and it seems pretty cool, but maybe not in this particular part of the story.

From the ages of 10-16, you have the chance of starting a fascinating adventure in the World of Pokémon.

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Never put the number as it is. EVER. Always spell it out. Ten to sixteen. That's what you meant to say.

He had onlymet a few Pokémon in his life, they seemed so rare in Pallet Town nowadays. But once you go leave the town, there is so many.

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Only met. And 'there are so many'. It's plural, so don't use 'is'.

Anyway, I like the fact it's set in the future. Can't say I've seen a lot of OT fics set that far off. But you really need to work on your description and grammar. Now, I know I didn't really cover grammar in this review, but you can go read the grammar thread in the lounge at your own pace and implement it into your next chapter. Good luck!

Okay, first off, I have to say that I loved the first paragraph of this. It reminded me of the good old days when there were only one hundred and fifty-one Pokémon. Moving on, your story is a bit lacking. Why? It's too short. Most chapters for a piece of fan fiction are three or four A4 pages on Microsoft Word. This was only about a page and a half. The second reason is the format of your fan fic; everything seems so squashed together and it's hard to read. Press the return button twice when someone begins to speak or when a new paragraph should start. Your description of what's going on could also do with improvement. For instance, assume that I'm an alien. Would I know what a Nidorino was? No, I wouldn't. You have to describe that Nidorino and that Gengar. Just saying that Gengar is a Ghost-Type Pokémon isn't going to cut it, I'm afraid. If I didn't know what a Gengar was and I received that explanation from you, my first thought would be a human wearing a white cloth. You've also made a few grammar mistakes, which I've fixed in the quote below:

BrianGabriel said:

"Go, Nidorino!" The Nidorino charged forward towards the opposing Gengar, a ghost Pokémon. The charging Pokémon was gaining speed. "Now! Use Horn Drill!" The Pokémon immidiatlyaimed his horn towards the opponent and as the huge finale of the Indigo League was about to come to a close, the crowd was screaming. The commentators had gone silent, the World eagerly anticipated the final outcome.

"Brian!" a voice screamed up from the stairs.

A young teenage boy sat there in his bed, snapped back into reality. "Oh, for goodness sake, what?!" He shouted back.

The boy got out of his bed and walked out of his room, the door creaked open. "Brian!" The voice screamed even louder.

The boy jumped in surprise and quickly shouted back, "I said I'm coming!". He stormed down the stairs and turned to face his mother, who had a huge smile on her face.

"Cup of tea, please, Brian," she said with a grin.

The teenager (named Brian) walked over to the kettle and flicked the switch on. He stood there impatiently, desperately wanting to find out the outcome of the battle. He stood there thinking though, he thought about the match in a very in-depth manner and realised Horn Drill would have had no effect on the ghost-type Gengar.

The kettle finished boiling, Brian in his blue jeans, vans trainers and baggy red t-shirt, poured the water into the cup and walked over to get the milk, his hazel eyes shined in the light with his longish brown hair brushed back as the wind came in from the window. He poured it back in the cup and sighed, knowing who must of won the battle. Brian was fairly small, was always the smallest in his life, but has grown in the past couple of years, now sixteen his face has started to develop into a more mature way. He took the tea into the living room and passed it over to his mum.

"Thank you Brian." The teenager grunted at that he missed the battle, as he walked out he saw Professor Gary Oak come onto the television. His attention went straight to the television.

"Hello there, young trainers, I'm Gary Oak. This world has been revolutionized over the last fifty years, it's hard to believe we're in the year 2058. The world has so much technology, just look at your television. It's voice controlled, when I was younger, we had a remote, we had to get up to get it. Haha! Anyway, I'm here with three Pokémon. Charmander, Bulbasaur and Squirtle. The three starter Pokémon in Kanto for as long as I can remember. The chosen three trainers will take one of these Pokémon and begin their journey. From the ages of ten to sixteen, you have the chance of starting a fascinating adventure in the World of Pokémon. Sign up through the television, internet or by phone." The advertisement finished and Brian looked to his mum.

"No Brian, you're to go to college and become a PE Teacher. Not a Pokémon trainer." Brian went off in a strop up the stairs and flew himself onto his bed.

Brian turned his head to his television as the winner was crowned a Pokémon Master. That was Brian's dream, to become a Pokémon Master and meet all sorts of Pokémon. He had only met a few Pokémon in his life, they seemed so rare in Pallet Town nowadays. But once you go leave the town, there is so many. Brian's family has had Pokémon as pets. Spinxy, an Arcanine passed away when Brian was very young. Caspel, an Absol who passed away three years ago. While currently his family have Deiner, a Flareon who is getting on in her years. And a youthful Umbreon named Cosmo, who Brian remembers as an Eevee when he first saw him. Brian would love to go out on an adventure with Cosmo, but his family wont let him. The night grew on, nearing midnight and Brian got off his games console and went to bed. Not knowing, tomorrow will be the most important day of his life.

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The corrections are the bolded font. You seem to be getting your tenses mixed up a lot; keep it past tense. Don't write as it's present day nor the future. Your main tense that you are using is past so keep it that way or else the story doesn't make sense. When you're writing digits that are under a hundred; spell them.

If you can fix up your mistakes and make the story longer, I can see it going somewhere. For now though, it needs a lot of attention.

Edit: Damn, SilverSmeargleSplatter beat me to it and did a better review then me.

Never was good in my English classes, cheers for the advise. A few of those mistakes i'm annoying with myself, plus I havn't read a book or a story proply in about four years. You mentioned it being short, that was because I rushed it and that's not the end of the chapter. Although it seems it would with that last line. I'm still working on my chapter one and will finish chapter two before I post again. Just to get ahead of the reader.

BrianGabriel said:

Never was good in my English classes, cheers for the advise. A few of those mistakes i'm annoying with myself, plus I havn't read a book or a story proply in about four years. You mentioned it being short, that was because I rushed it and that's not the end of the chapter. Although it seems it would with that last line. I'm still working on my chapter one and will finish chapter two before I post again. Just to get ahead of the reader.

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You're welcome for the advice and I'm glad you listened to it. I'd advise you to go and read a novel or something, just to get a better grasp on the English language. I'm not saying that to insult you, think of it instead as blunt constructive criticism.

Yes, both SilverSmeargleSplatter and I told you it was too short. You then told us that you rushed the chapter and that the chapter wasn't actually finished. Okay, never rush yourself when writing. Only post a chapter when it is complete and you are happy with it. No one has set you a deadline; you are writing this at your own leisure so take your time.

And getting ahead of the reader is a good idea.

Just for the record, why is it that you have to go to college to teach Physical Education? And why is his Mom so dead set on that that she can't let her son at least try Pokemon training? I'd like to see some solid motivations in that area, please.

That will be explained as the story goes on. Alot of this is a mix between real life you live in, mixed with the Pokémon anime. Stories people can relate to.

Sorry for double posting, but i've finished Chapter 1 with your advise. I'm working on Chapter 2.

BrianGabriel said:

That will be explained as the story goes on. Alot of this is a mix between real life you live in, mixed with the Pokémon anime. Stories people can relate to.

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I think there may have been a mix-up here. Are you thinking of a "Physics Professor" as opposed to "Physical Education"? Because most parents are not dead-set on their children becoming gym teachers. That was my main gripe. I mean, Phys. Ed isn't even a degree you can work towards in college. Every Phys. Ed teacher I've ever had was either the coach of a sports team and a former athlete or else they were a teacher from a different class. In many schools, you can't get a full-time job teaching Phys. Ed. That was my gripe- not the mother's dreams of her son being something other than a trainer, but that the thing she wanted him to be when he grew up requires absolutely zero college education. 0.o

Yeh, that makes more sense. I'll have to re-write them bits and implant them into the story. My Chapter II and III is stuck on my brothers computer, I Chapter IV on this one. So I can't post them up yet.

Chapter One​

Part Two​

A few hours later, the parents of the three new trainers had came to the laboratory and explained by Professor Oak that they had been chosen and need to get away from the paparazzi. Brian's parents weren't to keen on the idea of him going out on his own. The parents of the teenagers sat in the lounge speaking to Gary Oak while the three teenagers were outside with all the Pokémon that the laboratory looks after for the trainers that set off from Pallet Town.

"Look, I don't want my son going out into forests and dangerous places where I'll never hear from him." Brian's mother said clearly and loudly to Professor Oak. She sat up from the sofa and walked to the window to the far end of the room, seeing Brian outside with Cosmo and Daniel.

"He said it's his dream to do this, what is he going to do instead?" Professor Gary Oak replied to Brian's mother. She turned around from looking outside and directed her attentions to the Professor.

"He'll be going to College" she murmured out as she lowered her head. Gary Oak realised what the problem really was and so did the other parents in the room, who were fine with letting their children begin their journeys.

"Look, I understand. You're afraid of what could happen, but nothing will. He'll keep in touch with you regularly and you won't have to worry." Gary Oak replied in an understanding manor. Brian's mother nodded and looked back outside the window, seeing Brian lying in the grass with Cosmo.

"So what Pokémon did he get? You know I'm not letting him take Cosmo with him?" She replied still gazing out the window.

The Professor sat down with the other parents and took a cup of coffee from the table and sipped it as he held the plate underneath. "Bulbasaur, the grass type Pokémon." Professor Oak replied to Brian's Mum who still stood by the window.

"But tell me this, Gary. Was your journey dangerous when you were younger?" She replied, turning round to face him and the others.

"Honestly? Yes. But it was worth it, you'd be denying him a once in a life time opportunity. It's not very common to see Pokémon Trainers from Pallet Town anymore, why do you think the press are so interested?" Gary Oak asked to the mother. She sighed and nodded her head, "I'll let him go, I better go to the house and get the tent."

The old Professor put one leg over the other and took another sip of his drink. He looked over to Brian coming into the room with Cosmo. He stopped as he saw his mum, she turned and looked at him with her eyes dropped. "Mum?" Brian curiously spoke out. She lifted her head and put on a fake smile, brushing back her hair that shined brightly as the sunlight beamed through the glass window.

"Brian, you can go. But I expect some trophies, make me proud." A tear from her eye dripped down as she sobbed. Brian looked stunned, Cosmo walked over to her wagging his tail, jumping up being the caring Pokémon it is.

The room was silent for a few minutes after that, no one knowing what to say or whether to leave or not. The other two trainers parents looked at each other as Brian quickly ran out of the room with Cosmo shouting "I'll see you at home!" before the door slammed shut.

"Is the press still out there?" Brian's mother asked Gary Oak, who raised himself up and looked out the window, walking over to it.

"No thankfully. My grandfather never had to deal with any of this, neither did I. It never used to be this mad, we'd get a few interviews at major tournaments but that was about it. Anyway, I think you should all head home while you can. I'll handle the press later, you spend the night with your children. They'll be gone for a long time." The Professor said very clearly and to the point. The parents all headed out of the house.


The next morning, Brian was packing his things into a rucksack on his bed. Cosmo sat there by the bed as Brian walked about in the room gathering things to take with him. The boy looked to Cosmo and noticed his begging eyes, "I know Cosmo, I wish you could come to. I'm going to miss you." Brian said to Cosmo as he kneeled down to stroke his head. Cosmo didn't reply but carried on looking up to Brian in hoping to make Brian stay, but nothing would. The boy pushed down his clothes, toiletries, etc all into the bag and zipped the rucksack closed with all his strength, of what was there.

"You know Cosmo, if Mum and Dad would let you come. You know I would, you're my best friend" An upset but excited Brian said to the Umbreon. But the Umbreon didn't reply, he just laid down by the bed as Brian picked up his rucksack and went over to Cosmo, stroking his head. "Come on, don't be upset. It's not goodbye. More of a, see-ya later." Brian walked over to the hallway outside his room and headed downstairs, Cosmo shortly followed.

Brian arrived downstairs with Cosmo catching up with him, Bulbasaur was there waiting by the stairs. A four-legged Pokémon with a green bulb on top of it's body, with a square shaped head with pointy triangle ears and large triangle shaped eyes, it's a very lovable Pokémon. Brian pulled out his Pokédex from his pocket and opened it up, a Pokédex was a data resource for all the Pokémon that is known. Brian pulled out a stylus from the side of it and opened it up, shaped like an old game device called a Nintendo DS. The teenage boy started pressing numerous things on it, eventually a description of Bulbasaur was being spoken out by the Pokédex's default voice.

'Bulbasaur, a grass type Pokémon. It's bulb on top of it's body absorbs the sun light to store energy from photosynthesis. Bulbasaurs are very obedient Pokémon who are very loyal, a good choice for a beginning Pokémon trainer. Bulbasaur are scarce in the wild. Sometimes they can be found in secret places such as gardens, plains near large sources of fresh water, or hiding in the forest in hollow logs, but overall they are found far more often in the ownership of Trainers.'

Brian smiled and put the stylus back in the Pokédex socket and put the Pokédex back in his pocket in his jeans. Brian looked back to Bulbasaur and smiled, "How you doing then Bulbasaur?" The Pokémon smiled and replied "Bulba" with a happy smile.

"Brian, I have no idea how your going to carry everything. You'll be too knackered, you should just stay". Brian's Mum said as she walked over to the stairs, not seeing Bulbasaur, nearly walking into him. Bulbasaur looked up and took it on the chin though, not literally and smiled. "You have a good Pokémon though, I know you want to take Cosmo with you. But, it's a no, sorry." She spoke again while stroking Cosmo's back.

"Firstly, me and Daniel will be travelling together through Viridian Forest so we can manage carrying everything. Secondly, you can't persuade me to stay, I'll miss you all but I want to go and thirdly, even if I did have to carry 3 tones, it still wouldn't stop me. Maybe I'd catch a Machamp one day, they can lift anything for hours." Brian only realized that his Mum had walked back into the living room to watch the Pallet News mid-way through his mini speech. Bulbasaur laughed and followed Brian and Cosmo into the living room as they all headed in there.
Brian sat down on the nearest chair looking up to the wall, watching the interview with the other new trainer Patrick. "Brian?" Brian's Mother asked from across the living room lying on the sofa.

"Yes Mum?" Brian replied as Cosmo walked over to the sofa and jumped onto it, lying next to the mother of three.

"Didn't that boy go to school with you?" She asked looking at the television.

"Yer, he did. He's so far up his ass though, look at him. He is more interest in celebrity status than being a trainer, I doubt he'd last a day in Viridian Forest, even with half of it being cut down last year." Brian replied with a disgusted look on his face.

The door bell rang and Brian's eyes were glued to the television screen, Bulbasaur looked up to Brian, "Bulbasaur" the bulb Pokémon lurched out to Brian. The boy looked to Bulbasaur beside him and realized someone was at the door. "Oh right, thanks Bulbasaur." The boy in his blue jeans and black T-Shirt rushed to the door and pulled it open, seeing Daniel at the door with his rucksack and camping gear. "Hey Brian, you ready to go?" Brian nodded and ran back to the living room, with his Mum standing in front of him she leaned over and held him tight, "You come back safe." She said with tears falling from her eyes.

Brian nodded and picked up his rucksack and camping gear after his Mum let go. He walked out of the living room and to the kitchen, picking up an envelope on the side that had 'To Brian' wrote on it. He looked curiously and opened it up, seeing a huge amount of money. He turned and looked to his Mum who had a huge smile on her face, "It's from your father, that's enough for a long time. Your sixteen now, you're becoming an adult. Your sensible enough for that sort of money."

Brian closed the envelope and put it in his rucksacks side pocket and then slung the rucksack around his back and lifted up his camping bag and put it around his other shoulder, feeling the weight. He nodded and kissed his Mum on the cheek "See-ya" Brian said as he and Bulbasaur walked to the door seeing Cosmo there, Brian kneeled down and reached for Cosmo, giving him a hug as Cosmo jumped up on two feet. Daniel stood there looking at Brian's Mum, "Aight, err.. I'll meet you down the road Brian."

"No need, we're off now. We should head off now, got a long day ahead of us." Brian said as he and Cosmo finished their hug. Brian walked to the door with Bulbasaur following, "Bye" was all he said after an emotional few moments.

Chapter One​

Part Three​

Before the path to Viridian City, Brian and Daniel had to get through a forest. It rose tall into the air, blocking out the sunlight. It would take too long to track around the forest, it's large perimeter made sure travellers went through it rather than around. It's not like Daniel or Brian could go over the top.

"Come on out Bulbasaur" Brian yelled out as he threw the Pokéball into the air. Bulbasaur appeared from the ball and looked up to his trainer, "Help us get through the forest" the bulb Pokémon nodded after Brian asked him for help. The two trainers and Pokémon headed into the forest, following the narrow pathway that eventually was just grass surrounded by trees and bushes.

"Daniel, why don't you let Charmander out?" Brian asked his friend as he brushed his hair back. Bulbasaur lead the way looking around and reaching out with his nose for the scents.

"Okay, that sounds like an alright idea" The teenager in his green T-Shirt and blue three quarter length trousers grabbed a Pokéball from his belt and pressed the middle white button, making the ball larger. He then held the ball extending his arm, the Charmander appeared. It was sort of like a red lizard, with a flame on it's tail. On the bottom of the tail and it's belly, it had a lighter beige colour with claws on the end of it's fingers. It looked up with it's bald head and big blue eyes, opening it's mouth. The small claws appeared as it spoke out "Charmander" in such a cute way. The two trainers and now two Pokémon kept heading forward through this seemingly endless forest.

"About an hour ago, I was really excited. Now I'm knackered, didn't realise it's such hard work" an exhausted Brian said to Daniel catching his breath.

"Your knackered? And I'm the one with the belly mate" Daniel replied laughing at Brian. The two Pokémon were in front bonding, while Bulbasaur led the way. Brian looked to Daniel and leaned himself up straight, fighting through it all. "Got I need to start eating healthily" he said as he carried on walking gasping for breath.

The bushes bristled and the four of them stopped, turning their attentions there. "There's no wind, something is there Bri" An excited Daniel whispered under his breath. He walked over to the bush, reaching out his arms slowly. Woosh! A creature jumped out, knocking Daniel back onto the grass. The creature stood there angrily, in it's dark blue shell with two horns on it's head. It slowly walked forward with two bug like arms and legs. "Daniel get up! That's a Heracross and it looks pissed off" Brian shouted to him as walked back.

Daniel quickly leaned himself onto his bottom, moving back with his arms and legs. "Charmander use your Growl attack!" the red lizard Pokémon ran forward in front of the teenage boy on his ass and showed it's fangs growling at the Heracross, it didn't faze him though. The bug Pokémon kept moving forward, like in those horror movies when the villain keeps moving no matter what. "Charmander, Scratch him!" The lizard ran towards the bug and extended it's claws on the red hands, throwing it's arms about at the bug's shell, doing virtually no damage what so ever. "That's a hard shell, better use your Ember attack!" The lizard jumped back from it's position and breathed in, then breathing out with no fire. "Charmander, do you not know Ember?" Daniel asked his Pokémon, the Charmander just shrugged and ran back to Daniel. They waited for the Heracross to come, but it directed it's attention to Bulbasaur. Running towards it, grabbing it's bulb and sucking the bulb.

"Hey get off of my Bulbasaur!" Brian shouted as he ran and kicked the Heracross back off Bulbasaur. The bug simply smiled and went back for more, Brian ran in the way again getting knocked back. The Bulbasaur saw this and tackled the Heracross down. Daniel and Charmander got up and ran from the area, with Brian and Bulbasaur doing the same to try get away from it.

After ten minutes, the four of them finally reached each other. They had stumbled across a small circled grass area, with trees surrounding it and yellow shell like Pokémon dangling from the trees. Daniel and Brian looked at each other and screamed, they ran like girls with their Pokémon to back where they was.

They sat down in exhaustion and panic, they looked around after catching their breath and saw the Heracross was gone and sighed in relief. But more trouble came as the bushes bristled again, with no wind about. They expected the worst, but saw a small green Pokémon with coloured markings come out. Shaped like a slug with two antennas and big black eyes.

"I know that's a Caterpie!" Brian whispered to Daniel. Who sounded offended and hit Brian on the arm.

"Of course it's a Caterpie, are you retarded?" he replied in laughter.

"I have an idea, I'm going to get some food out and try get it to come over here. Then get Bulbasaur to tackle it" Brian said to Daniel with a huge grin on his face, getting out some Pokéblock.

"Well, that's the long way of doing it. I'd just go head on and attack it" Daniel said in a sarcastic voice.

"And how did that work out for ya?" Brian said all smug, showing the nearby Caterpie some of the Pokéblock. It slowly crawled it's way over, and started eating the food from Brian's hand. The boy smiled but then looked to Bulbasaur. Brian leaned himself up onto his feet, the bug looked confused.

"Bulbasaur use Tackle!" the Caterpie turned around and saw the bulb Pokémon charge at it, the Caterpie looked scared and started running from Brian and tried to get away from Bulbasaur, but it was too late and was sent forward by Bulbasaur's hard head. "Bulbasaur!" the Pokémon yelled out as it made contact with the bug. Daniel and Charmander sat and watched the battle.

"Well, it's not exactly a Heracross, just a Caterpie" Daniel said to try show off and redeem some dignity.

"Caterpie, your mine!" Brian yelled out as he threw the ball at the bug laying on the grass. The ball hit it flat on the head, opening and sucking the Caterpie into the ball through a red beam of light. The ball dropped onto the grass, rolling. The four of them waited intensely, the ball stopped rolling. "We did it!" Brian shouted out as he ran to Bulbasaur, hugging it and stroking it's head. The bulb Pokémon simply smiled as he done a job well-done. Brian went to the ball and picked it up, with great excitement. He turned around and pointed the ball at Daniel, with such a smug face.


Later on at night, after a few tough hours of putting the tents up and setting up camp for the night. Brian, Bulbasaur and his newest Pokémon Caterpie were by the lake just watching the moonlight gleam onto the aqua blue water. The lake was centred with the forest trees surrounding it, all very close together. Brian lay onto his back and looked at the night sky, the stars shining. Bulbasaur and Caterpie continued to look at the lake before they headed back to the camp nearby where Charmander lighted up the fire wood to provide some much needed warmth.

With the two tents next to the fire, everyone gathered around the fire. Not saying anything, just thinking and eating their food and watching the fire with the yellow, red and orange colours mixing with each other and reaching out the sky. Everyone's eyes watching the fire go on through the night and appreciated the crackling sound the fire made.

"You know Daniel, we need to learn how to cook. Tinned Ravioli is nice, but you get what I mean?" Joked Brian as he finished his last bite of the ravioli.

"Yer, but until we do, we're stuck with it. Although the Pokémon don't mind their food." Daniel replied as he saw the three Pokémon scoff down their Pokéfood. Brian laughed and smiled as he leaned up from the grass by the fire.

"Well, I'm going to call it a night. You mind collecting some water to put the fire out?" Daniel reluctantly nodded his head as Brian finished his sentence. Brian unzipped the tent and took two Pokéballs from his belt "Have a good sleep guys." Said a tired Brian as the Pokéballs red beam took the Pokémon into the ball. Brian headed into his tent as Daniel picked up the bucket nearby and went to collect some water from the lake, Charmander followed after finishing his food.

"Charmander, I'm sorry about earlier." The red lizard Pokémon looked up at his trainer as he walked by his side, "Brian is so smug after catching that Caterpie, like come on. It's a Caterpie, it may evolve into a Butterfree one day. But there not exactly amazingly strong like you'll become on day. I wish he'd pull his weight around, god knows how he'll do when I head to Cerulean, as he's going to Pewter when we get to Viridian City." Daniel and Charmander reached the lake and collected some water from the lake. "Char! Char, Charmander!" The Pokémon shouted and pointed to the edge of the lake, where a Heracross was drinking some water from the lake.

"You know, it's late at night. We're by a lake, I don't want you to get hurt Charmander." Daniel said sympathetically to his first Pokémon. But the Charmander stood firm and strong and aimbed an ember attack at the Heracross across the lake, a blaze of fire came from the Pokémon's mouth. Without Heracross realizing, he was hit by the fire and was burned. "Wow, I guess this is more of payback then Charmander. But are you sure it's the same one?" Asked Daniel, but the Charmander nodded and growled towards the bug Pokémon who opened it's wings and flew across the lake.

Daniel stood by his Charmander, both of them slowly moving back as the Heracross landed, but was hurt as he did from the burn. "Charmander, use ember again!" The Charmander took a few seconds to gather up the energy to do so and aimed the fire from it's mouth towards the Heracross who flew out the way and behind Charmander. The lizard Pokémon was lifted by the bug's horn and thrown towards the lake.

"Bulbasaur use vine-whip and grab Charmander!" Brian threw the Pokéball as he ran towards the lake, with Bulbasaur emerging in the air from the Pokéball and immediately set out vines from the side of it's body and wrapped them around Charmander just before it landed in the lake. Bulbasaur used all it's strength to pull the Charmander back to the grass before eventually placing the injured Pokémon by Daniel who was surprised by Brian. The Heracross saw Charmander and ran towards it aiming it's horn but was knocked away from the Pokémon as Bulbasaur used tackle after being told to by Brian, the Heracross took a lot of damage from the tackle combined with the burn from Charmander.

"Daniel, throw the Pokéball!" Brian yelled as the Heracross fell back onto the grass. Daniel didn't though, he picked up his Charmander in his arms and carried him to Brian. The teenager just nodded and walked back to the tent. Brian saw the Heracross start to get up, "Go Pokéball!" Yelled out Brian as he threw an empty Pokéball that was on his belt previously. The ball hit the Heracross on the head and sucked it into the red and white ball, landing on the floor. It rolled from side to side, Daniel continued to walk back to his tent with Charmander in his arms.

The ball stopped rolling and the Heracross was caught. Bulbasaur and Brian walked to the ball and looked at eachother. "I thought Heracross would of been able to escape from the ball, it could still battle." A confused Brian said to his Bulbasaur as he picked up the ball. "Maybe he just saw how awesome we were and think, hey. I want to be part of that team." Joked a happy Brian as he and his Bulbasaur went back to camp.

It was great. I only noticed one line that I had to read twice, but I was too evolved in reading to remember where it was.

The only thing I had a problem with is your description of Umberon, Some believe that the Eevee and its evolutions are of the Fox family, which is of the canine family, so it is not that big of deal.

I see that you took the advice of the reviewers above me, it payed off, this is a great story.

The sun rise was more beautifully intensifying this specific morning, for Brian anyway. He caught two Pokémon in the first day of his journey thanks to his Bulbasaur and Daniel's Charmander, who still rests in one of the tents as Daniel packed his things. Brian however, was fast asleep. He was a sound sleeper, but he didn't exactly set his alarm either. But luckily for him, the wild was now his alarm clock. The Pidgey and Pidgeotto were chirping and singing away much to Brian's annoyance. He finally un-zipped his sleeping bag and stormed out of his tent. He was just about to yell out, but Daniel rushed over and shut his gob.

"Don't!" he whispered as he let go of Brian's jaw. "You don't want to take up the Kakuna and Beedrill you silly nonce" Brian breathed deeply in and out as Daniel walked back to his tent to check on how his Charmander was doing. Brian looked to the food Daniel had set up, mostly crisps and biscuits with a couple of drinks.

"I better feed the Pokémon" Brian said. "Has Charmander eaten yet Dan?" Daniel turned around and nodded his head as he returned Charmander to his Pokéball. He then came and sat down on the grass and opened a packet of crisps. Brian did the same as he brought himself down slowly to the wet grass, due to the rain during the night.

It was in the afternoon, after the two friends had packed the camp away and fed Brian's Pokémon that they bumped into Patrick. The other trainer who started the same time as them. He stood there in his white hoodie and shorts with his long blond hair well brushed down. Daniel and Brian looked to each other as he ran over to them. "Of all the people eh?" a disappointed Brian said to his friend.

The young trainer halted as he ran over, catching his breath he raised himself up to stand straight. Words finally came out of his mouth "Hey guys" he coughed out. "Caught any Pokémon yet? I've got a Kakuna and a Pidgey, I'm on a roll" the young trainer smugly spoke out. Daniel and Brian once again looked at each other and turned back to look at Patrick, they laughed for a minute or so. But it annoyed Patrick, which the two were very happy about.

"Why are you laughing?" The confused young trainer asked. "I'll beat you both! My Pokémon are better than yours!" Brian suddenly went serious, he looked to his Pokéballs on his belt. He turned his attention back to Patrick.

"Your on mate" Brian said to the fourteen year old. "How's a one on one battle for ya?" Patrick looked surprised at the challenge, he took a while to think about it.

"No, I'd rather battle those who are worth it" He replied with a cocky attitude.

"You know, you're all talk. We saw you on the news, you sounded like a right prat" Daniel jumped in getting on the insults, he's not missing that chance. Patrick couldn't think of a comeback and then shrugged it all off.

"Screw you guys, I'm going to catch some more Pokémon. You two are just losers" Patrick replied after a long pause. "If you insult me again though, I'll get my Dad on you! He's seven foot!" The boy said out as he pointed at Daniel.

The two friends burst out in laughter, again. "Are you five or something?" A hysterical Brian said out. "I'm gonna get my Dad on you! Blah blah blah. Grow up" Brian and Daniel walked off as Patrick stood their watching them walk away.

"I'm serious!" Patrick yelled out. "You two are just losers, yeh! I'll sh-" Patrick realised they two were already to far away to hear, but he knew they wasn't listening anyway. He just wanted to get the last words in, even if the words were repeated of what he had said earlier.

Shortly after the encounter with the other starting trainer Patrick, the two friends, Daniel and Brian, or Brian and Daniel. However you want it. They were nearing the end of the forest, climbing over logs and pushing through bushes and tall grass. They finally reached the end, seeing the open plains outside. They both ran out as fast as they could, Daniel reached outside first. Brian, tripped over a cut down tree log and fell on a dark shaded yellow bug Pokémon. It screeched out in pain as Brian rolled off of it.

Daniel turned round seeing Brian rolling to his side holding his leg with one hand. He noticed the Weedle crawling away screeching out, not loudly as it can't elevate it's voice. Daniel thought maybe the poison pointed horn on it's tail or head may of hit Brian.

"Son of a.." Brian was stopped in mid-sentence, noticing a swarm of Beedrill appear. "Oh Sh.." Brian was once again stopped in his sentence as Daniel ran over sending out his Charmander.

"Charmander use Ember!" The Pokémon aimed towards the swarm Beedrill in the air, the lizard Pokémon sent out a burst of fire from it's mouth towards the Beedrill. One of them was hit and flew back away with a burn, the lizard Pokémon slowly walked back keeping itself ready from any sort of sneek attacks from the other Beedrill.

"They look pissed off" Daniel said to Brian who had managed to get on two feet. "Well, you going to help me out here?" Daniel asked, elevating his voice.

Brian pulled out a Pokéball from his belt. "Go Heracross!" Brian shouted out, but Heracross didn't come out, Caterpie did.

"You idiot Brian, seriously. Sort it out" Daniel whined to Daniel. "Charmander dodge it!" The Charmander ran out of the way of an incoming Beedrill, the bee like Pokémon buzzed itself back from the ground, avoiding impact into the grass.

"Bloody hell, I think we better peg it Bri" Daniel said, slowly moving back with his Charmander in front of him. The brave Pokémon was almost sort of like guarding his trainer, frequently turning his head to catch any movements from the Beedrill.

"Caterpie use String Shot!" Brian yelled out, in surprise to Daniel and himself a little. Caterpie looked at Brian and then aimed string from it's mouth to the few Beedrill left buzzing around. It wrapped around one of the Beedrill's yellow and black striped body, stopping it buzzing in the air. It fell on the ground and took some heavy damage. The other Beedrill swooped down towards the Caterpie.

"Char!" Daniel's Charmander ran and jumped towards the Bee type Pokémon scratching it across it's main body, the Beedrill buzzed from side to side carrying a devastating injury.

"Good job Charmander, go Pokéball!" Daniel yelled as he threw a Pokéball at the Beedrill Charmander just scratched. The ball hit it on the wing and sucked it into the ball, landing on the ground. The ball rolled from side to side, before the ball stopped and Beedrill was caught.

Daniel looked over to Brian and then saw Brian was staring at the Caterpie as the Beedrill broke free and flew away. "Are you not going to catch the Beedrill?" Daniel asked his friend. But he then noticed that Caterpie had started to glow brightly in many white shades of mixing in with each other as the shape of Caterpie slowly changed in the mystical glow.

"Caterpie is, evolving. Oh sweat!" Brian said in excitement, snapping back into reality, ignoring the pain in his leg. The Caterpie was shaping into a shelled cocoon sort of Pokémon, the glow started to fade away into a green cocoon. The glow then made a final flash of light to finish the evolution. The Pokémon lay stood there, motionless.

"Well done Brian, now let's get out of here" Daniel shouted as he ran over to Charmander, picking up his new Beedrill's Pokéball. Brian returned Metapod to it's Pokéball and followed Charmander and Daniel out of the forest, running with a limp.

The two friends and Charmander got out of the forest. Catching their breath they stood on the road that went in three directions. To the left was the road to the region Johto, to the right was Cerulean City and dead ahead was the road to Viridian City. This is where the two friends would say their goodbyes until they see each other again.

"You take care of yourself mate" Brian said as he shook Daniels hand. Daniel hugged Brian while still shaking his hand. They then let go and took a few steps back.

"Luckily no one saw that" Brian said to Daniel, looking around.

"Yeh, well. I've got to go see my Uncle, he's expecting me there in a couple of days. I'll get the bus a few miles from here" Brian smiled as Daniel looked to the sign saying 'Viridian City'.

"Well, I'm off too. I'll see you around" An emotional Brian muttered, Daniel simply nodded and nodded again. A minute of silence went by, no one knowing what to say.

"I hate awkward silences, we better just head off" Brian laughed to end the silence, not even the leaves in the trees blew.

"See-ya then. You kick ass mate" Daniel turned and headed down the road. Brian simply watched him and his Charmander walk slowly away, not turning back. Getting smaller and smaller, the wind blew and glistened as the wind blows, Brian and Daniel's Pokémon Journeys had just begun.

A couple of hours after Brian and Daniel said their goodbyes, the young trainer now on his own for the first time in his journey. If you don't count his Pokémon. It was a bright sunny day, blue skies and not a cloud in sight. Brian was walking on the road to Viridian City, listening to his music player and singing along.

"I'm on the road to Viridian City" Brian repeated over and over again. He wasn't aware that a young lass named Joanna was dead ahead of him. She looked around the boys age, her long blond hair blew even though there wasn't any wind. With a white long sleeved shirt on and, well let's go lower. Wearing tight blue jeans and.. sandals. Brian didn't notice her while singing, with his eyes closed and with his hand like he's holding a microphone and singing into it. "I'm on the road to Viridian City" he continued repeating.

Brian kept strolling along, with the few skips jumping in. Until he finally did open his eyes, he saw the girl standing a few meters in front of him. Brian was full of embarrassment, the boy quickly took his ear phones out and put his hands in his pocket. The girl shrugged her deep blue eyes back and walked around. The dark haired teenager however, seemed to just play it cool and well, fail miserably. Seeing her just walk away thinking he was an idiot, Brian attempted to redeem himself and follow her.

He ran up beside her and kept looking ahead, the girl however walked faster to get away from him. Brian stupidly done the same thing, she then started to run. The boy did also, he didn't get the point until "Will you just stop following me!" She yelled out, stamping her foot down as she halted and turned to face the now, petrified Brian. "I walk around, you follow me. I speed up, you speed up. I start to run, you start to run. Just go, away!" She shouted at the boy pointing her finger at his face furiously. Brian waved his hands about in front of his face and took a step back.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry!" Brian quickly replied. He then stood casually and looked into her eyes, "But you're the most beautiful being I've ever seen" he said in such a charming way.

The girl brushed her hair long blond hair back and smiled, which quickly turned into a sigh of disappointment. "I've heard that one before. Now, what do you want?" She said more calmly.

Brian crossed his arms, "Nothing now". The girl flicked her hair back and moved her body back, gobsmacked. She regained her posture and saw his Pokéballs by his belt.

"Oh so you're a Pokémon Trainer" Brian nodded. "Did you get your Pokémon from Professor Oak?" She asked.

"Yeh, I got a Bulbasaur. Are you a Trainer, or a spoilt girl with too much make up on?" Brian laughed, bravely.

The girl was furious, "I'll have you know, my name is Joanna Oak" She said very smug. Brian just realised he was in the crapper now and laughed oddly enough.

"Why are you laughing?" Joanna asked confused.

"Well, obviously you can't be Joanna Oak. Cause that would make you.." The girl nodded. Brian's laugh disappeared into a gulp. "Please don't tell, he wont take my Bulbasaur back will he?" Brian begged.

"Don't be silly, but never follow me like that again". Brian nodded as he stared at her.

"What are you looking at?" The girl asked uncomfortably. Brian snapped back into reality, embarrassed again.

"Err, I better be off now" Brian muttered pointed behind him as he slowly walked back.

"Bye.." The girl said quite relieved. They both turned and walked away quite slowly and a little freaked out, but Brian couldn't stop looking back as he kept on walking on the road to Viridian City. The boy thought to himself once she had gone out of sight, "She totally has the hots for me. Yeh, she was gagging for it!" Brian thought to himself with a huge grin.

It seems like such a good line to finish this particular chapter on, but Brian is about to meet someone on his journey, then you'll realise why the chapter is called, 'Crush Crush Crush'. You're wondering why i've just wrote that, well it's meant to be in the story. Maybe a bit of comedy? Who knows, let's call it narration.

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Don't put stuff like this in your fic. It would be fine if you had been doing this all along, bu you haven't, so it does not look good to just start. While I agree that it would be a good place to end, but the other way is even better.

…d of him. She looked around the boys age, her long blond hair blew even though there wasn't any wind. With a white long sleeved shirt on and, well let's go lower. Wearing tight blue jeans and.. sandals. Brian didn't notice her while singing, with his eyes closed and with his hand like he's holding a microphone and singing into it. "I'm on the road to Viridian City" he kept on repeating. Might I add, he's an awful singer.

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Again, this is the first time I have seen narration like this. If you must put this in, have the girl say to him that he is not a good singer.

"You're on mate," Brian said to the fourteen year old. "How's a one on one battle for ya?" Patrick looked surprised at the challenge, he took a while to think about it.

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Your is the possessive form of you, you're is a conjunction, you are is what you are really saying, but it has been shorted to "you're." To make sure that what you are using fits, say the conjunction out (in this case it would be you are). "You are on mate."

You need to have punctuation in each quote, whether it be a question mark or comma. everything explained here: See here



And you keep misspelling "realize" <- correct way.

[FONT=&quot]Yeh[/FONT] is spelled yeah,
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You seem to be doing okay. You still have a little room improve. You are succeeding very well with making the story believable. I can see myself doing some of the things you have your characters doing. (singing)

I think you need to have more description during battles, and you some more during evolution would be nice.

Perhaps part 4 should be just "Crush", no need for the extra two.

You are willing to learn from your mistakes and criticism hat other give you, as long as you learn from this, you will do great. Some people are so sick of their advice being ignored, that they don't review often. It is not that people don't read, some just don't know how to help, so they don't post.

Yeh cheers. The spelling mistakes you mentioned, I know it's like that. Just keep missing them when I read over it, i'll triple check on my future posts. I do agree on the description, it's one thing i'm lacking on. I struggle to describe the scene or character, I know I need a good paragraph but I usually list it. I'll be improving on that in the future.

I don't see why people should ignore advise, they probably take offense I guess. But I aim to make that perfect chapter with no mistakes, i'm like that with everything. From sport to making food, the perfect pass and the perfect pie. You know, cheers for the advise. I wont worry about adding in the description on those parts for now, I shall re-do them parts later on or tommorow.

Oh one more thing, that is one hell of a signature.

One the description part: imagine the scene in your head, and play it in slow motion, write, or type, everything that happens, say a Pokemon jump to the side to dodge an attack, say that. I have not written a battle scene, so I can't personally give you a reference, but Try reading a good fan fic that has a good battel scene. The story in this link, has verry good battel description.

Not only do I read for fun, but I also study how the auther does things, and then I take some experience from that. Don't take ideas, but if you are wondering how to do soemthing, it is the best way I have found to learn, with out posting a question.

Thanks for the complement.

A few hours after Brian had met his newly formed crush. He was waiting by a bus stop to get the bus to Viridian City, the clouds had started to turn over as the light dimmed to a greyer view. Brian sat on the metal bench of the bus stop and watched the rain start to fall. He sighed in disappointment as the bus was running late.

"It's not all going to be sunny days kid" A voice came from the other end of the bench. Brian ignored him before hand but decided to listen to the old man in his long black rain coat.

"Yeah, I know that. The bus should be here, I just want to get to the city" Brian replied looking over to the long grey haired, quite polite man.

"You know, back in my day. They all said we'd never have to travel like this again, waiting at bus stops and it would all be new technology electronically done" The old man explained. Brian looked back to the bus times and tapped his foot.

"Yeah, err, sorry what's your name?" Brian asked the old man, being the polite teenager he is.

"Let's just say, I once started a journey from Pallet Town. In the end, names don't matter" The old man stood up from the bench and walked away from the bus stop and down the road.

"What a weird bloke, but you get that" Brian said to himself as he saw the bus arrive, he quickly grabbed all of his things and ran to the bus door quickly as it slid open. Brian pulling all of his gear up onto the bus without much grip on them nearly slipped but kept his balance.

"Money mate." A grunting voice came to the teenager as he stepped up the final step onto the bus. Brian looked up to the where the voice came. Sat there was an overweight man who looked around the age of forty. There he sat, wiping off the crumbs off his greasy white vest in his ripped black trousers. Brian looked up for a second and placed all of his gear onto the bus. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his wallet as the bus driver waited impatiently.

"Come on kid!" He yelled out, the teenager held the money in his hand and felt frightened. He froze, his hand shaking afraid that he might get thrown off or hit. "Oh for crying out loud you little twerp, pass the money over or get the hell off this bus!" The grunting man yelled in the teenagers face, Brian still stood there with the money in his hand shaking.

Footsteps were heard as Brian looked up to the young man walking over to the driver. "Shut the hell up, if you yell at my brother again I'll throw you off the bus!" The young man shouted in the drivers face. With his straightened hair that reached over his forward and peculiar face, he leaned down to pick up Brian's things and looked to the teenager.

"Hey Brian, don't listen to that idiot. Come on." The young man said to Brian who had stopped shaking down on the seat as his brother placed his things behind the seat in front of him. There on the seat next to Charlie as he leaned back was Growlithe, resembling a puppy with bright orange fur with black stripes, it was well groomed as the coat was very shiny and colourful. It lay down with it's fluffy cream tail covering most of it's body and the cream fur of it's belly. Charlie stroked it's head, stroking the cream fur back that went back to it's shape when Charlie let go.

"You alright Brian? It's alright now, you just got to ignore them sort of people." Charlie said in a supportive way.

"I'm fine." The teenager replied and kept looking in front of him.

"Look mate, cheer up. I gather you've started your Pokémon journey right?" Charlie asked, the sixteen year old nodded and then smiled slightly. After a few minutes, he did seem to brighten up, looking out the window he saw the rain pouring down onto the muddy road.

"Chaz, why didn't you come back for my birthday?" Brian asked curiously. Charlie looked over to his little brother and sighed before looking back in front of him.

"You'll see why when I challenge the Viridian Gym." He replied, Brian wasn't too impressed by his answer though and folded his arms.

"It was my sixteenth birthday, what was more important eh?" The teenager started to speak more loudly in a grumpy tone.

"Just wait and see." Brian still was in an annoyed mood. "Anyway, what Pokémon did you get?" Charlie asked, quickly changing the subject. Suddenly Brian did get quite more enthusiastic and pulled out three Pokéballs from his belt.

"Well, I got a Bulbasaur from Gary Oak, got them news reporters were a pain." Brian laughed, Charlie kept stroking his Growlithe while nodding along. "I was then with Daniel, who's gone to Cerulean now. I caught a Heracross and a Caterpie, which is now a Metapod. He caught a Beedrill after I tripped onto a Weedle's ho.." Brian suddenly stopped in mid-sentence, knowing his brother would get concerned about any injury to his little brother.

"You fell on a Weedle's horn? You may of been poisoned. Brian, show me the wound." Charlie got very concerned and rolled up his wet jeans, seeing the wound below his knee, Brian however pushed him back. "It's fine! Alright." The teenager got very defensive, his brother leaned back on the seat again, his Growlithe then got up to lay on his lap.

"So.." The teenager paused.

"So.. what?" Charlie asked in return, the teenager leaned on his shoulder against the seat, swivelling round to face Charlie and Growlithe.

"What Pokémon you got then?" He asked enthusiastically. His brother laughed happily and reached in to his pocket, pulling out his own Pokédex. Much different to Brian's, it was a different model to his brothers.
"Well, they are all the Pokémon I have seen. I'll show you the one's I have with me when we get to Viridian Gym." Charlie said. "Although, Growlithe refuses to battle. But you get that, not all Pokémon will obey you, you have to earn their trust and respect mate." Brian nodded as Charlie explained a situation the teenager new he'd come across one day.

"Have you had any Pokémon like that?" The teenager asked his brother, who looked back over.

"A few times. Growlithe listens to me but just refuses to battle. You know, when I first got Squirtle, he never listened. He wouldn't follow, but then he evolved and was always listening and we became good mates, it's like they change personalities." The teenager listened carefully but then wondered off in his own mind, thinking about how Bulbasaur and Metapod already listened and battled.

"Oh, I have something to show you." Charlie said as he reached into his bag, pulling out a glass shaped cylinder with a cushion and an egg inside. The egg was fairly large and had different brown patterns on it.

"Is that a Pokémon Egg?" The teenager asked, looking at the egg as Charlie placed it by his side.

"Yeah, I was staying the night at a day care ranch, then the bloke challenged me to a battle. Obviously, I accepted. It's like the law of a trainer, anyway I won the battle with Blastoise and they decided to let me have the egg, they said they had a feeling that the egg was meant to go with me. Weird eh?" Brian smiled and slowly nodded his head before laughing.

"They had a feeling, they superstitious or summit?" Brian said while laughing. Charlie wasn't that impressed over Brian laughing, but he never held grudges. He simply placed the egg cylinder back into his bag. Brian slowly stopped laughing, with the odd chuckle here and there. A few minutes passed before Charlie broke the silence.

"How's Mum?" Brian looked over to his brother and just thought about there mum for the first time since he left home.

"Honestly. I have no idea. She didn't want me to leave but did in the end. You know, with Dad working, Ben leaving soon and us two now gone. I wouldn't be surprised if she's lonely, probably why she didn't want Cosmo going as well." Charlie didn't reply, so Brian broke the silence.

"So.. you entering the Indigo League?" He asked.

"Yep, once again. This time I'll win it, I did terrible at the Hoenn Championships, we're going to win it this year." Charlie suddenly got enthusiastic and determined. The teenager smiled and looked out the window, seeing that the rain had stopped cluttering onto the bus roof and that they had arrived at Viridian City.

Sorry to bump. But just a quick announcement to anyone who is reading the story, which I highly doubt. But anyway, I have a lot of coursework to do over the next six months or so. So I will have to try and get a couple of Chapter Parts done every two to three weeks.

- Cheers, Brian.