Poke'mon: Rise of a Legend

Theme Song (Thanks for the idea Kev XY): What I've done- Linkin Park https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sgycukafqQ

PG-13
This world is filled with creatures known as Poke'mon. Hundreds of species of Poke'mon is known to exist. 35 of these are called Legendary Poke'mon. It is said that they are called legendaries because there are only one of each and that they are very powerful. However true this is, it is not the real reason. Every one thousand years, the Poke'mon that have been dubbed legendary gather at a place known only as the Shrine of Legend. Together, they choose one human being and give that human the power to change the world for better or for worse. Normally, all of the legendaries agree on one person. However, if even one of the legendaries disagrees it, and any others that agree with him, must battle the other legendaries causing destruction globally. To prevent this, the Order of the Legends exist. A group of humans who work to keep the world in balance during the time of the legendaries decision and to protect the world's legendaries from those who would do them harm.

Poke'mon: Rise of a Legend- Season 1- Kanto- Chapter 1: The End Marks The Beginning

"Hello Poke' fans!" yelled the announcer through the microphone. "Welcome to the world famous Indigo Plateau Stadium!" The crowd goes wild with cheering. "Today is a very special day for everyone! Today is the day that comes only once in ten years! Today is the day we decide the POKE'MON WORLD CHAMPION!" The crowd screams louder then ever before. Fire works explode and light up the night sky. "Tonight's battle is going to be amazing! We have two very talented trainers who are qualified and ready to take the throne! On the right side of the arena we have Gary Oak from Pallet Town! On the left side of the arena we have Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town! Both have been Poke'mon trainers for ten long years now and have worked there ways as champions of the four regions. In addition, Ash Ketchum has become champion of the Orange Islands and the Battle Frontier. Just as impressive, Gary Oak has proven himself as a talented Poke'mon researcher!"
Ash and Gary walk into the arena from the dark hallways that are their anticipation. They glare at each other with looks of determination, rivalry, and respect. The arena goes silent. The air seems to be frozen in time. At last they shake hands and the crowd cheers.

"This is it guys." Brock says in his calm collected voice.

"The most anticipated match of all time in my opinion." May replied.

"There's no way this match is gonna be easy… for either of them!" Tracey deducted.

"I'm not sure who to cheer for." Max sighs.

"I'm just looking forward to an awesome match!" Dawn roared.

"Well you're certainly going to get one." Tod says.

"You definitely will… because Ash would never give less than his best, neither would Gary." Misty says. I just hope Ash wins… So he can…

"Here are the rules: each trainer may use all six of his poke'mon how ever, during the match there will be no substitutions allowed." The announcer explains. "LET'S BEGIN THE MATCH!!!!!!" The announcer screams. Both Ash and Gary grab a Poke' ball from their belts.

"I'm not gonna go easy on you Ash!" sneers Gary. "Go, Swellow!"

"You're not going to be able to Gary!" yells Ash confidently. "Go, Pidgeot!"
The crowd roars as the battle begins. Both Poke'mon fly at each other at incredible speed.

"Alright Swellow, lets start off with Quick Attack!" Swellow disappears from sight.

"Match that Quick Attack Pidgeot!" Pidgeot also disappears from sight. The two Poke'mon clash with incredible force in the center of the arena sending an incredible shock wave through the audience.

"Unbelievable! Pidgeot and Swellow collided with such a force that it shook the foundation of the stadium!" The announcer screams. Swellow and Pidgeot continue to disappear and collide creating an equally massive shockwave each time.

"Alright Swellow, break off and use Aerial Ace!"

"Pidgeot, Wing Attack!" The two birds once again collide with unbelievable force. Swellow is knocked off balance. "Now Pidgeot! Hit it with Brave Bird!" Pidgeot speeds towards Swellow with mach two speeds. The impact is massive. Both birds go flying in opposite directions.

"Swellow! Are you alright?!" Gary yells as Swellow collides into the stadium wall. Swellow gets up and screeches. Pidgeot recovers its balance before it hits the wall.

"Pidgeotoooooooo!" Pidgeot screeches as it races towards Swellow again.

"That's it Pidgeot! Another Brave Bird!" Pidgeot is a blur and collides with Swellow.

"Swellow!" Gary runs to his Swellow to see that it is out cold.

"Swellow can no longer fight!" yells the referee. The crowd goes wild and cheers 'Ash! Ash!' Gary returns Swellow to his Poke' ball

"Great job Swellow, you deserve a rest." Gary grabs another Poke' ball from his belt. "Get ready Ash… Bring the pain, Electrive!" Gary throws the Poke' ball and out comes Electrive. "Alright Electrive, make short work of this… Thunderbolt!" Electrive clenches his fists as he charges.

"Electriiiiiiiiiive!" Electrive discharges his energy and a massive bolt of lightning rushes towards Pidgeot.

"Pidgeot, you've gotta dodge it!" Ash yells. Pidgeot streaks away from the bolt but the bolt follows it.

"Incredible! Electrive is actually controlling the direction the bolt travels. With this kind of control, Pidgeot doesn't have much hope!" yells the announcer.

"Gary's Electrive is unbelievably strong." Brock says wisely. "I think Ash is loosing this round." The bolt strikes Pidgeot and Pidgeot falls.

"Pidgeot!" Ash screams. Pidgeot hits the ground hard. "Stop Pidgeot has had enough!"

"Pidgeot is unable to battle decreed by its trainer." The referee proclaims. Ash returns Pidgeot to its Poke' ball.

"Excellent job." Ash grins. "Let's do this, go Donphan!" Ash throws the Poke' ball. "Donphan, start a Roll Out right away!" The Donphan appears and starts rolling at incredible velocity. It charges at Electrive.

"Alright Electrive, we're gonna have to use power on this one. Use Mega Punch!" The Electrive clenches his fist and hurls it towards the oncoming Donphan.

"Donphan! Stop the Roll Out and use Dig!" Donphan stops the roll and digs underground while still in movement. Electrive launches the Mega Punch but misses.

"Watch it Electrive!" yells Gary, but it was too late. Donphan busted through the ground underneath Electrive. Electrive is launched into the air.

"Now Donphan, use Earthquake!" The ground begins to shake.

"This is one powerful Earthquake people. It shaking the entire stadium!" The announcer manages to say as he gets shaken around. Electrive is knocked all around the stadium and finally, knocked unconscious.

"Electrive is unable to battle!" the referee decrees.

"Return Electrive!" Gary recalls it to its Poke' ball. "You did great. Alright, let's go for a swim! Come on, Blastoise!" Gary throws the Poke' ball and
Blastoise appears. "Now! Hydro Pump!"

"Donphan use Dig again." Donphan digs underground and Hydro Pump misses.

"I thought you might do that. Blastoise, use Hydro Pump and send it into that hole!" Blastoise ran to the hole and a huge flow of water came out of its cannons.

"Donphan! No!" Ash yells. Donphan gets blown out of the hole and is unconscious.

"Donphan is unable to battle." Yells the announcer. Ash recalls Donphan to its Poke' ball.

"You deserve a rest. Alright lets do this, Sceptile" Ash throws his Poke' ball and Sceptile appears standing in a cool, calm, and collected manner. "Start it up with Leaf Blade!" Sceptile lunges at Blastoise as its leaves on its arms become sharp and start to glow.

"Blastoise, counter it with a Take Down!" Blastoise lunges at Sceptile with all its weight. They clash but the Leaf Blade was to powerful and Blastoise's shell gets a slash in it. "Blastoise! Are you alright?"

"Blaast." Mutters the injured Blastoise.

"Alright Blastoise try an Ice Beam attack!" Blastoise aims its cannons at Sceptile and an orb of white- blue light appears and shoots bolts of light blue at Sceptile.

"Sceptile dodge it with agility!" Ash yells. Sceptile disappears and reappears behind Blastoise. "Now. Use Fake Out!" Sceptile smacks Blastoise in the back of the head. Blastoise flinches. "Now! Sceptile charge Solarbeam quick!" The crowd gasps.

"That's right everyone! Ash Ketchum's Sceptile is one of the few grass types that can create a Solarbeam at night using the rays of light reflecting of the moon… and it's a full moon!" the announcer cries.

"Wow! I never knew Ash's Sceptile could do that." May gasped. The shrubs on Sceptile's back began to glow a lime green.

"Alright Sceptile, FIRE!" screamed Ash. Sceptile opens its mouth and a massive lime green beam launches from its mouth. It hit Blastoise head on and Blastoise is knocked all the way to the wall of the stadium and is unconscious. Gary recalls Blastoise to its Poke' ball.

"Good job. Now, here we go Arcanine!" Gary releases his Arcanine from the Poke' ball. "Arcanine, use Extreme Speed!" Arcanine disappears and collides with Sceptile from what seems to be ten different directions. Sceptile recovers and goes into a battle stance.

"Come on Sceptile be careful! Use agility and try to match its speed." Sceptile disappears but does not match Arcanine's speed. Arcanine collides with Sceptile another time and knocks it off balance.

"Now Arcanine, Fire Blast!" Gary yells. Arcanine launches a flame in the shape of the Chinese symbol for "Big" at Sceptile. Sceptile gets hit and is knocked unconscious… and seared a little.

"Sceptile is unable to battle." Yells the referee. Ash recalls Sceptile to its Poke' ball.

"You did great. Alright Gary, try this out for size. Go, Floatzel!" Ash hurls the Poke' ball into the stadium. "Use Aqua Jet!" Floatzel appears and lunges at Arcanine surrounding itself with water.

"Arcanine dodge it with Extreme Speed!" Arcanine disappears and Floatzel misses.

"Ash's Floatzel isn't going to be able to keep up with that speed." Tracey says. "What do you think he'll do?"

"I think Ash has got a few tricks up his sleeve, I did teach him everything he knows about water Poke'mon." Misty proclaims.

"Not from what he told me. He used to say that he taught himself everything he knows." Dawn says as she "pokes the bear".

"He said what now?" Misty says grinding her teeth. Dawn shrinks in fear.

"Floatzel use Surf. Cover the arena in water!" Ash yells. Floatzel creates a massive wave and hits Arcanine in mid jump. Arcanine is knocked unconscious.

"Arcanine is unable to battle!" the referee yells. Gary recalls Arcanine.

"Awesome job buddy. Alright let's do this Ludicolo!" Gary throws the Poke' ball and Ludicolo appears. "Ludicolo, end it right away with Energy Ball." Ludicolo produces a green orb in its hands and shoots it at Floatzel.

"Floatzel, intercept it with Sonic Boom." Floatzel whirls around and flicks an energy wave at the orb; the two collide and cancel each other out with an explosion. The blast covers the arena.

"Insanity! The two forces collided and made a massive explosion!" The announcer screams. The smoke clears and Floatzel is unconscious from the blast. "Looks like Floatzel took a hit!"

"Floatzel is unable to battle!" decrees the referee. Ash recalls Floatzel.

"You done good. Alright Charizard, lets win this!" Ash throws the Poke' ball into the air and Charizard immerges in a flash of light.

"This will prove to be an interesting match! Ludicolo, a water- grass type, and Charizard, a fire type!" The announcer proclaims.

"Charizard, use Flamethrower!" Charizard hurls flames from its mouth towards Ludicolo.

"Ludicolo, use water gun!" Ludicolo hurls a spray of water towards Charizard. The two forces collide and create a stalemate.
"Increase to full power!" Both Ash and Gary yell simultaneously. The flame and spray get much bigger in diameter. Both Charizard and Ludicolo continue to blast for what seemed to be an eternity. Finally, both Charizard and Ludicolo collapse from exhaustion.

"Both Poke'mon are unable to battle!" yells the referee. "This will be the final battle.

"Alright Gary. Are you ready?" Ash smirks.

"The question is… are you?" Gary smirks.

"Pikachu! I choose you!"

"Umbreon! I choose you!" Gary's Umbreon jumps down from the stadium lights. Ash's Pikachu appears from no where into the arena.

"This is going to be the greatest battle ever!" Max cried with excitement.

"Yes… it will." whispers Delia Ketchum.

"These two Poke'mon have seen unbelievable things. Umbreon started as an Eevee when Gary started his journey ten years ago today and Pikachu has been with Ash from the beginning as well. This will prove to be the most important Poke'mon battle in ten years!" the announcer screams as he jumps out of his seat.

"Pikachu, are you ready for this?" Ash says calmly.

"Pika. Pikachu!" Pikachu cries fiercely.

"How about you Umbreon?" Gary says.

"Umbreon." Umbreon says confidently.

"LET'S DO THIS!" Gary and Ash yell simultaneously.

1.) All chapters of the same fic go in the same thread. So I merged your prologue thread with your chapter one thread.

2.) Fixed the title of the new thread for you already.

3.) Don't randomly post saying "Chapter will be up next week!" That's not allowed according to the rules of this section.

4.) Hit the Enter button twice to make a new paragraph, because otherwise it looks all squished together and difficult to read.

Poke'mon: Rise of a Legend- Season 1- Kanto- Chapter 2: Return to Pallet Town

Pikachu and Umbreon lunge at each other.

"Alright Pikachu! Thunder!" Ash yells. Pikachu leaps above Umbreon and calls forth a large bolt of lightning. The lightning crash down on Umbreon. Umbreon recovers quickly and escapes the range of the attack.

"Umbreon, Faint Attack." Gary yells. Umbreon disappears into shadows and reappears behind Pikachu. Pikachu turns and is hit by the attack. Umbreon pounces towards Pikachu. "Umbreon, Quick Attack!"

"Pikachu, Volt Tackle!" Pikachu and Umbreon lunge at each other with high speeds. Pikachu becomes surrounded in a strong electric force and seems to be a strike of lightning running across the arena. The two Poke'mon collide and are knocked to opposite sides of the arena. Both catch their balance on the wall of the arena and pounce back into the arena. They freeze, glaring at each other.

"It seems both our Poke'mon are very strong Ash." Gary smirks. "But mine has an attack that will blow your Pikachu out of this arena!" Umbreon tenses and an aura of shadow begins to appear around it.

"Don't be so sure Gary; we have something up our sleeve as well." Ash boasts. Pikachu begins to charge its electrical energy. The two Poke'mon stand there, focusing their power for quite a while.

"This is an unusual turn of events! Both Poke'mon are preparing some sort of attack. This will prove to be remarkable." the announcer proclaims. Suddenly, Umbreon is consumed by a black orb surrounding it. Pikachu begins to glow a bright yellow color and the marks on its cheeks, ears, and back glow red.

"Looks like Umbreon is ready."

"Pikachu is as well." Ash seems to brace himself. Gary does as well. "Alright Pikachu! Use everything you have in this final attack! THORON!"
"Umbreon you to! Black Armageddon!" Gary yells.

"Could they be serious?! The greatest electric attack, known only to be produced by the legendary Poke'mon Zapdos and Raikou!? And the greatest dark attack, known only to be produced by the legendary Poke'mon Darkrai?! Could these two Poke'mon truly know these moves?!" the announcer screeches. Suddenly a strange blue aura appears through out the stadium. All metallic items begin to float and some people are lifted from their chairs. All the hairs in the stadium are standing.

"Alakazam! Barrier!" yell the security officers as they release their Alakazams to protect the audience. 60 Alakazams are released and create a massive barrier around the arena. A black circle appears underneath Umbreon's feet and grows into a giant column. The column expands at a high rate. Pikachu releases all of its energy causing a massive discharge that scatters everywhere around the arena. The barrier begins to crack as these two attacks continue to put stress on the barrier walls.

"Unbelievable! The sheer force of these two attacks is breaking the barrier created by 60 high level Alakazams!" the announcers yells.

"Pi… Ka… CHU!" Pikachu screams as all the hundreds of bolts of lightning all focus on Umbreon.

"Ummmmmbreeon!" Umbreon screams as the column expands and impacts Pikachu. There is an explosion of utter massive proportions. The explosion can be seen from miles and miles away and appears to be a massive column of light extending into the sky. The stadium is filled with smoke as the barrier breaks. The stadium is silent, staring at the arena waiting for the smoke to clear.

After what seemed to be an eternity, the smoke cleared and the arena was in shambles. Gary and Ash were both bleeding profusely and Umbreon and Pikachu stood motionless, glaring at each other.

"Get medics down there immediately!" the security team yells. Medics begin to run onto the arena floor.

"Wait!" yell Ash and Gary simultaneously. The medics stop in there tracks. Every one stares at the arena, the two Poke'mon are motionless.

Come on Umbreon, you can win. Gary thinks.

Pikachu don't give up! Ash screams in his head. The arena is silent and motionless until finally… Umbreon collapses.

"Umbreon is no longer able to fight!" yells the referee. "Ash Ketchum of Pallet town is now the new Poke'mon World Champion!" The stadium roars with cheering. Fireworks, once again, light up the night sky. Gary runs to Umbreon.

"You did your best. I'm very proud of you." Gary whispers.

"PIKACHU!" Ash yells as he runs to the exhausted Poke'mon. "I can't believe it! We did it!" Pikachu, with the last amount of energy in its body, jumps into Ash's arms.

"Pi! Pikachu!" Ash lifts Pikachu into the air.

"It is now time for the official crowning." The announcer says. A man in a cloak walks into the arena. "We have here the previous Poke'mon World Champion known only as Goliath!"

"Goliath". Mrs. Ketchum whispers.

"What was that?" Tracey says.

"Oh nothing." Mrs. Ketchum smiles and laughs. They all turn their attention to the arena.

"So you're the champion." Goliath says. Ash nods. "I'm proud to present you with the medallion of the Poke'mon Master." Goliath places the medallion around Ash's neck. The crowd cheers.

"Congratulations Ash Ketchum! Our new POKE'MON WORLD CHAMPION!" the announcer screams. Goliath nods to Ash and walks out of the stadium.

"Congratulations Ash. Who would have guessed that the first time you would beat me would be now." Gary says. He extends his hand to Ash. Ash shakes it.

"I'm looking forward to our next match." Ash says.

"Pikachu!" Pikachu says and smiles at Gary from Ash's shoulder.

"ASH!" yells all of his friends.

"Guys!" Ash yells and runs to them.

"The match was amazing; I can hardly believe that you're the same kid that lost to me at the Pewter gym all those years ago." Brock smiles.

"Oh my GOD! Ash, that was awesome; I could just… never mind." May laughs.

"Those last two attacks were amazing, seeing them is great for my research." Tracey says trying to sketch what he saw.

"That was the craziest battle I've ever seen! I'm so excited to start my first Poke'mon journey now!" Max screams while jumping around.

"This was so worth the price of admission." Dawn yells.

"You did really good Ash." Misty calmly says. Ash turns to Misty.

"Thanks Misty." Ash says softly. "Misty, I have something to ask you."

"Hmm?" Misty looks curiously at Ash. Ash nods at Pikachu. Pikachu jumps off Ash's shoulder and grabs something from Ash's jacket.

"Misty…" Pikachu runs over to Misty. Misty looks down and sees something glinting from the light in Pikachu's mouth. She bends down and Pikachu lays a small ring with a brilliant gem on it in her hand. "Would you marry me?" Everyone is silent. The stadium is silent and watching intently. Misty looks stunned.

"Ash… I…" Misty tears up. "Yes! Yes I will!" The stadium roars.

"Congratulations Ash!" Brock smacks Ash on the back.

"Oh my GOD! So romantic!" May yells.

"OOOOHHH" My baby is getting married!" Mrs. Ketchum runs over to Ash from the arena entrance.

"Mom!" Ash embraces his mother as she makes it to him.

"I'm so proud of you Ash." Mrs. Ketchum whispers. "Now everyone come back to Pallet town we have a huge party organized at Professor Tracey's lab! You come to Gary." Gary laughs.

"I'll be there. However, first I need to take care of something." Gary waves to them as he leaves the arena.

"I wonder what he needs to take care of." Dawn says.

"Come on everyone, back to my lab!" Tracey beckons. The group follows cheering and laughing.

"That match was impressive. I watched from the top of a stadium light." says a cloaked figure wearing a large blue shoulder guard with a ying- yang symbol dangling on it from a chain.

"I hope you learned something. Your journey isn't going to be easy." Gary mutters. "Come to the lab tomorrow at 3 p.m.

"I'll be there… Commander." The cloaked figure disappears into thin air in a flash of light.

Back in Pallet town, the group meets at the Ketchum residence.
"Alright everyone, get a good night sleep because tomorrow we party!" Mrs. Ketchum exclaims.

"RIGHT!" everyone yells together.

Poke'mon: Rise of a Legend- Season 1- Kanto- Chapter 3: Old Memories and a New Hero

Ash gets awoken early in the morning from the sound of a closing door. He sits up and rubs his eyes. He notices that the air bed that Gary was sleeping in was empty. Ash gets out of his bed and gets dressed. He leaves the room quietly so he doesn't wake Max. He walks through his quietly and quietly closes the front door after stepping outside. It is barely sunrise. Gary is walking towards Tracey's lab. Ash runs and catches up with him.

"Gary!" Ash says as he catches up with him. "Where are you off to?"

"I'm going to see my grandfather." Gary says solemnly. Ash looks down.

"I'll come to." Gary and Ash walk silently up the hill to Tracey's lab. Gary opens the gate to the lab grounds and they walk in. They continue to walk silently until they reach the outskirts of the grounds. They walk to the edge of cliff that looks out onto the sea. They both look down and read a headstone at the edge of the cliff.




"I can't believe it has been 3 years." Ash solemnly whispers. A tear appears in his eye. "He was a great mentor and a great friend."

"Yeah… Sometimes I wonder if he still watches over us. He always used to tell me that you and I were what made him proud and that he would always be here if we needed him." Gary quietly grieves. "But I guess that is a load of ****."

"I don't think so." Ash said, perking up a bit. "I still look to his wisdom and it always helps. So I guess in an indirect way, he is always with us." Ash looks at Gary. Gary nods and kneels down.

"Still… it wasn't fair that he had to die." tears well in Gary's eyes. "He was a good man, taken from this world… nobody ever even found out who did it! All I know is that he was protecting something, or he knew something and someone didn't want him to. So they KILLED him!" Gary's face was riddled with streams of tears. "It isn't fair." Ash knelt down and put a hand on Gary's shoulder.

"Gary… I understand that his death still affects you." Ash says calmly. "But you need to rid yourself of these theories. He was killed by an accident at the Cinnabar Island lab. It was nobody's fault." Gary shook his head fiercely.


"NO!" Gary yelled and pushed Ash away. "I know someone killed him. He was acting weird the weeks before his death. He kept trying to tell me something but couldn't! I just know it!" Ash stood up.

"Please Gary. Stop making theories and stop suspecting. It is going to destroy you." Ash says with concern in his voice. Gary stands up and begins to walk away. "Where are you going?"

"I need some time to relax. After all, the party starts at 11 a.m." Gary says solemnly. Ash nods. He turns back and looks at the sun rising over Professor Oak's grave. All of a sudden a creature flies over the grave and stops to look at it for a moment and flies away as quickly as it came. Gary turns around. "What are you looking at Ash?"

"A Poke'mon just looked at Professor Oak's grave." Ash said with thoughtfulness in his voice.

"What was it?" Gary asks.

"I'm not sure… but I think it was… Celebi." Ash says with a surprised voice.

"Probably not. What would a Celebi be doing here?" Gary says calmly.




They both walk back to the house and find everyone up and moving. They walk into the front door and smell Brock's famous "Lazy Boy No Chew Stew Breakfast Mode" and they run to kitchen.

"Good morning you two!" Brock announces. "Ready for breakfast?" Gary and Ash nod. "Everyone! It's almost ready!" Brock yells. "So where did you two go?"

"We went to see Professor Oak." Ash says as he yawns. Brock nods and returns to his stew. "What time is it?" Brock looks at his watch.

"About 7 a.m., it's amazing everybody is awake already." Brock says in surprise. Max, Mrs. Ketchum, and Misty walk into the kitchen.

"Not quite everyone." Misty says as she chuckles and points into the room that the girls had slept in. May and Dawn were out cold on the floor.
"I'm not surprised." Brock said. "Those two stayed up until 4 a.m. talking in the living room… While I was sleeping on the couch!" Brock shook his head. "Crazy kids, but I guess that's what you get when you put a 15 year old girl and an 18 year old girl together with a party on their minds." Brock sighs. Everyone laughs.

"Don't worry, we'll wake them up." Mrs. Ketchum says. "Mimey!" Mr. Mime rushes in from the back yard. "Could you go wake up Dawn and May please?"

"Mr. Mime!" Mr. Mime says as he rushes into the room with a pot and spoon. He starts to bang them together and makes a very annoying sound. "Mr. Mime?" Dawn and May are still dead asleep.

"Wow… those two sleep like a rock." Max says.

"I've got an idea! Pikachu! Come here Pikachu!" Ash yells. Pikachu hears this and jumps off the top of the television, where it was sleeping.

"Pika!" Pikachu cheerily says as it runs up to Ash.

"Pikachu, could you give Dawn and May a wake up call?" Pikachu nods and skitters into the room. Pikachu looks at the two logs and smiles.

"Pikachu…" Pikachu mutters calmly. All of a sudden everyone in the house is zapped by a massive release of energy.

"Wahhh!" May and Dawn yell simultaneously. They both jump to see everyone lying on the floor.

"I think… you… over did it… a little… Pika…chu." Ash says, lying there crispy. Everyone groans.

"Well… at least… the bacon… is done." Brock says.

"Wow… I can't… believe… you've gotten hit… by this… so many times Ash… and your… still… not paralyzed." Gary says.

"What's going on here?" Tracey says as he walks in the front door seeing everyone sprawled on the ground. Pikachu runs up to Tracey. "Oh, hey Pikachu! You did this?"

"Pikaaaa." Pikachu says scratching its head.




"Well now that we're not half paralyzed. It's time for breakfast!" Brock yells. He seems to be a blur as he sets the table at lightning speed. "After this we should all head to the lab and set up for when the rest of the town gets here." Everyone nods.

"Also everyone, I have a new trainer coming to my lab today." Tracey says. "I'm sure he'll be happy to meet all of you."

"What Poke'mon does he have to choose from Tracey?" Misty asks.

"Actually, he already has his first Poke'mon."

"Which Poke'mon is it?" May asks.

"You'll have to see for yourself because you won't believe me if I told you." Tracey smirks. Everyone looks at him like he is crazy.

"Alright everyone lets eat!" Brock announces. They all sit down and start to dig in.

"So. Where is everyone off to after the party?" Mrs. Ketchum asks while chewing some food.

"I'm heading to the Orange Islands to participate in the Orange Ribbon Race." May excitedly says.

"Orange Ribbon Race?" Dawn says while swallowing some food.

"It's a timed competition to see which coordinator can get five ribbons in the Orange Islands fastest. With those ribbons I'll be heading to this years Grand Festival."

"That sounds great May!" Max yells. "Now that I'm ten I'll be starting my Poke'mon journey back home."

"That's great Max. We'll all be rooting for you." Ash says. "Misty and I are heading back to the Cerulean Gym."

"Yeah, Ash will manage his affairs as champion while I manage the gym." Misty says after swallowing some food.

"That reminds me! When are you planning to have your wedding?" Dawn screeches.

"We plan to have it in six months at Tracey's lab. Right Tracey?" Misty smiles at Tracey. Tracey looks startled and almost chokes.

"Uhhh… Sure!" Tracey says nervously. Don't want to aggravate her. Tracey thinks as he gulps three big scoops of stew into his mouth at once.

"I'm heading back to the Pewter City Gym. My brother is starting his journey so I'm needed by my family." Brock says.

"Forest is really a lot like you Brock." Ash says. "He's gonna be a great breeder." Brock nods. "What about you Dawn?"

"I'm not sure. I think I might start the competitions in Kanto." Dawn nervously says. "Being on my own is going to be weird though."

"Five years ago when I first met you Dawn. You were determined to start a journey whether you had someone to travel with or not. You'll do fine." Ash says. Dawn smiles a little. "What about you Gary?"

"I've… got stuff to do." Gary says calmly.

"Come on Gary! Tell us what your gonna be doing!" Misty, May, and Dawn say simultaneously. Gary shakes his head.

"Sorry guys… looks like it's on a need to know basis." Ash says mockingly. Everyone laughes except for Gary who makes an annoyed face. "Oh by the way Tracey, I'll be leaving all my Poke'mon except Pikachu with you alright?"

"Yeah same thing with me. I'll be keeping Umbreon with me." Gary says.

"Alright sounds good." Tracey says with a mouth full of food. They all continue to eat, Mr. Mime and Pikachu chow down on some Poke'mon food for another half an hour.

"Alright everyone, time to go and get ready for the party." Mrs. Ketchum says finishing her food. "Ash, Gary, Brock, Tracey, Max. If you all could please go set the tables and stands that would be great. Misty, Dawn, May. Could you all come with me to pick up groceries?"

"Right!" everyone says.

"Good." Mrs. Ketchum says. "Mr. Mime! Time to go!" Mr. Mime comes running with Mrs. Ketchum's wallet. Everyone gets up and leaves.

"Let's go Pikachu!" Ash yells. Pikachu runs after Ash and hops on his shoulder.




"Let's get this party started!" Everyone yells. People from all over Pallet Town cheer. The lab grounds are filled with people and Poke'mon eating, playing games, having mock Poke'mon matches, and conversing. The sound of commotion carries down to the road leading up the hill to the lab.

"Wow… Something is going on there." The boy in the cloak walks up the hill and rings the doorbell. Nobody comes. "Hmm… I wonder if he is in the back." The boy walks around the building to the gate. He sees the party going on. "Well might as well go in." He opens the gate and walks in. He walks threw the crowd looking for someone. He sees a familiar face standing by a table. He seemed like he was getting annoyed by two girls. He walks up to them.

"Please Gary! We know your 21! Can't you get us a little wine from the stand?" May plead to Gary.

"Yeah Gary! Have some fun it's a party!" Dawn pleads. Gary shakes his head.

"You two are very annoying. I'm not getting you any alcohol." Gary says annoyed. He notices the boy. The boy walks up to him.

"Gary." The boy says. "You didn't tell me a party was going on." Dawn and May look at the boy.

"Who are you? Why don't you take of that hood?" Dawn says.

"And what's with that shoulder guard?" May says. The boy looks startled.

"Uhhh… Ok." He takes of the hood. "Hi, my names Seth… Seth Elwood." He says nervously.

"Seth. Let's go talk to Professor Tracey." Gary says leading the boy away.

"Wow… He's kinda cute isn't he Dawn." May said chuckling but Dawn wasn't listening. She was staring at Seth with a heart swept look on her face. "Dawn?" May laughs.

"I've got to go talk to him." Dawn says seemingly in a daze. Gary and Seth walked up to Tracey.

"Hey Tracey!" Gary yelled over to Tracey who was showing a sketch book to a couple of Pallet Town citizens.

"… and this is a wild Rapidash I found. Gary! What's up Gary?" Tracey looks up at them from his books.

"The new trainer is here." Gary said pointing towards Seth.

"Ahhh yes! Seth Elwood correct?" Tracey says. Seth nods. "Alright I have everything you'll need in my pocket." Tracey shuffles through his lab coat. He pulls out a Poke'dex and five Poke'balls. He gives them to Seth. "That's all you'll need! But before you go, I want you to have a match with someone." Seth looked confused and looked towards Gary. Gary nods.

"Here? In the open? Where everyone can see?" Seth whispers to Gary.

"You can trust these people." Gary whispers back. Seth nervously nods.

"I'll go get him." Tracey says excitedly. "Excuse me sir." He says to the citizen. Tracey runs over to a table where Ash is talking to a bunch of people. "Ash! Come over here for a minute." Ash nods and gets up and moves towards Tracey. Tracey leads him over to Seth. "This is the new trainer I was talking about, Seth Elwood this is Ash Ketchum." Seth looked stunned.

"Hi there. So you're starting your journey." Ash says. "Although you look a little old."

"Oh yeah! That's right! Seth didn't start when he was ten he waited five years." Tracey says. Seth nods. "This brings me to what I needed from you Ash. I want you to have a match with Seth." Ash and Seth gasped.

"What?! I don't stand a chance against him!" Seth yelled. "He's the champion!" Ash looked at Tracey strangely.

"I know what you're thinking but there's a reason I want this to happen. You'll see what I mean when Seth releases his Poke'mon." Tracey smirks. Ash shrugs.

"Alright, I'll face you. Get ready." Ash says. The crowd heard this and quieted down. A circle formed around the two. "Ok Pikachu! Let's give this kid a great first battle!" Pikachu jumps off a near by table and goes into battle stance.

"Pika!" Pikachu confidently exclaims. Seth looks glances at Gary. Gary nods. Seth pulls out a strange looking Poke'ball.

"That's a Master Ball!" Ash yells in disbelief.

"Alright here goes." Seth says nervously. "Let's do this buddy!" Seth throws the Master Ball and the Poke'mon comes out and lets out an innocent cry.

"Mew!"

Poke'mon: Rise of a Legend- Season 1- Kanto- Chapter 4: Pallet in Peril

The crowd is silent. Everyone looks stunned except for Tracey, Gary, and Seth. Tracey smirks, Gary remains his cool and collected self, and Seth looks a little nervous. Mew gets bored with the silence and begins to look around. It looks straight up and flips upside down in mid- air.

"H-how is it possible?" Misty gasps. May, Dawn, Max, and Brock nod.

"I told you guys you wouldn't believe me if I told you what kind of Poke'mon the new trainer was going to have." Tracey says still smirking.

"So… you have a Mew." Ash says with astonishment in his voice. Seth nervously nods. "How exactly… did you come into possession of this Mew." Seth gulps and glances at Gary. Gary makes a quick nod and turns away.

"Well… about five years ago, I was walking around a forest near my hometown. It had been my birthday a few days ago and my father gave me a Master Ball and told me to catch a Poke'mon." Seth says wit a shaky voice. "I found Mew hurt in the forest. Wanting to help it, I caught it in the Master Ball and brought to my town's Poke'mon center. I was going to release it later but it didn't want to go. So we became a team." Ash, now on guard, loks suspiciously at the intimidated trainer.

"If your father wanted you to catch a Poke'mon, why didn't he just give you a Poke'ball? Even more so, how did he even get a Master Ball?" Ash asks with suspicion in his voice.

"The area around where we live is inhabited by very strong Poke'mon. My father was able to get a Master Ball because he is good friends with the inventor o the Poke'ball. He traveled with Mr. Silph during his Poke'mon journey." Seth answers nervously. Tracey steps forward to break the tension.

"Alright! Ash and Seth, let's get this started!" Tracey yells.


"Alright Seth, I won't go easy on you just because you're new." Ash yells to Seth. I'll use Pikachu's power to test Mew's strength, If what he is saying is true, this Mew should be as powerful as it was when I saw it at the Tree of Life. Ash thinks to himself. "Alright Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" Pikachu leaps into the air and tenses up as a bolt of lightning streaks out from his body. Seth jumps from the sudden attack.

"Ummm… Uhhh… Mew! Barrier quick!" Seth yells nervously. A luminescent bubble appears around Mew's body and the Thunderbolt is deflected into the air. Ok Mew… let's do this right. Mew produced a Shodow Ball attack in its hands and hurls it towards Pikachu. Pikachu is hit by the black orb but barely fazed. Seth fixes his eyes on Mew's body. Mew's eyes begin to glow and Pikachu rises into the air.

"Huh? That's a Psychic attack." Ash mutters. "First the Shadow Ball and now this. Could Mew be reading Seth's thoughts? Alright Pikachu! Agility!" Pikachu disappears and reappears in repetitively all of the field. Mew closes its eyes. That's it Mew, Detect! Seth says in his mind. Ash notices Seth's concentration on Mew. "Hmmm… The lack of effect of that Shadow Ball on my Pikachu means that this Mew isn't very strong. I don't think it could figure out by itself what Seth was thinking constantly while fighting." Pikachu continues to zip around the field while Mew floats still in the middle of the field. Suddenly Mew disappears in a flash of light and appears directly below him. Pikachu collides with Mew and they both fall over. Pikachu catches its balance and returns to its battle stance. " Alright Pikachu, end it with Volt Tackle." Pikachu charges towards Mew and begins to glow yellow as electricity courses through its body. Pikachu collides with Mew and knocks Mew into the crowd.

"MEW!" Seth runs to his Poke'mon and picks it up from the ground. Mew is breathing hard and whimpering. "Its going to be alright buddy. You did great. "I'll let you rest now." Dawn runs over to Seth.

"Is Mew alright?" Dawn says in a worried voice.

"I think so. It looks like it just needs a rest." Seth sighs in relief as he pets the now asleep Mew on the head. The crowd is staring intently. Gary comes forward.

"Alright people, break it up it's all over." Gary says in a half annoyed, half severe tone. The people begin to leave the scene. "How's it doing?"

"Fine, Mew just needs a little rest." Seth says as he stands up. Ash walks over and raises one eye brow to Seth.

"That Mew must be really sick..." Ash says with a small amount of contempt in his voice. "…because if it was completely healthy, Pikachu wouldn't have had a chance against it." Seth looks at Ash with surprise. "I've encountered Mew before, and it was much stronger then that. It was uncatchable. To top it off, Mew is hundreds of years old, maybe thousands and its Shadow Ball attack didn't even faze Pikachu." May, Misty, Max, Tracey, and Brock walk up.

"What's going on here?" May asks curiously.

"I'm trying to figure out what that Poke'mon really is." Ash exclaims. "Is it a Ditto that you showed a picture of a Mew to?"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Seth yells in Ash's face angrily. "This is a Mew!" Ash makes an annoyed sour face.

"There's no way that…" Ash says when Tracey interrupts.

"Actually Ash, that Mew is just a baby." Tracey says informatively. Ash turns to Tracey in shock.

"What?! So there are now two Mews in the world?!" Ash asks in shock. Tracey shakes his head.

"You see when a Mew dies, it leaves a faint energy source which becomes a Poke'mon egg. Which is also the reason that Mew was not as strong as you predicted." Tracey continues. "You see, a Mew lives for one thousand years. Nobody knows why but every one thousand years the current Mew dies and a new Mew is born."

"Well the Mew is always born right before the…" Seth says but halts after Gary throws him a vicious look which Max saw.

"What was that Gary?" Max asks rather loud. Gary jumps.

"Ummm… Nothing I was just reminding him that he should probably put Mew in his Poke'ball so it can rest up. It is pretty tired after all." Gary says a little frazzled. Someone screams and everyone looks in that direction. A man in a black beret and uniform with a red "R" on the front of the shirt was holding a pistol to a young girl's temple.

"Nobody move or the girl dies." The man says in a despicable tone. Suddenly more men like him surround the party holding machine guns, pistols, and shotguns. The sound of a helicopter fills the party and a heavily armed helicopter appears from behind the laboratory. It lands outside the perimeter of people. A man in a orange tuxedo walks out of the helicopter with a vicious looking Persian by his side.

"It's Team Rocket." Ash mutters in a tense voice.

"Seth put Mew in its Poke'ball and get ready." Gary says in a serious voice. Dawn looks over towards Seth, he looks different. He no longer has a nervous goofy look to him. He has a fierce expression on his face. Seth recalled Mew into the Master Ball. The man in the Orange tuxedo walks into the crowd.

"Hello everybody, my name is Giovanni." The man smirks. "I'm here because I know someone here has a Mew and I want it." Seth tenses up. "Well well well, If it isn't the kids who plagued me with their very existence for so many years." Giovanni is looking at Ash and his friends. "I suppose this is the celebration for the new Poke'mon world champion. Congratulations, to bad your term will end so quickly. The death of the champion will be a tragedy." Giovanni smirks.

"Hmph… You've never been able to take me down before. What makes you think you can now?" Ash smirks back. Pikachu tenses up at his feet.

"Pikaa!" Pikachu yells at Giovanni. Giovanni smiles an evil smile.

"You cannot simply defeat me like you did those idiots Jessie and James years ago." Giovanni reaches into his jacket and pulls out a pistol and points it to Ash's head.

"Ash!" Misty and Mrs. Ketchum yell simultaneously. Giovanni clicks off the safety and begins to pull the trigger. Suddenly, there is a flash of light and Seth is holding a katana to Giovanni's throat. The pistol was cut in half and the bullets spilled out.

"I don't suggest you put people in danger while I'm around." Seth says in a severe intimidating voice. "It may very well be the last thing you ever do."

Poke'mon: Rise of a Legend- Season 1- Kanto- Chapter 5: The Psychic Sentinel

The blade of the katana is just barely resting on Giovanni's throat. Seth has a fierce and serious look on his face. The crowd, including the Team Rocket members, is silent and awestruck. All of the Poke'mon in the area are on edge. Giovanni's face is a mix of frustration, building anger, and fear. He finally turns his head quickly to his henchmen.

"What are you morons doing!? Kill the girl now!" Giovanni snaps at the henchmen with the gun to the girl's head. The flustered henchman nods his head unsteadily. He begins to clutch the trigger and the girl screams. The mother of the girl screams "No!"

"Damn!" Seth says with desperation in his voice. In a flash of light Seth appears next the henchman and the girl. He cuts the gun in half and grabs the girl and hurls aside to her mother's arms. The mother squeezes her daughter hard. "Alright now it's your turn." Seth says with hatred in his voice. The henchmen all aim their guns at Seth. Seth's hair starts to flow as if a light but powerful wind had come from underneath him. His eyes glow a bright blue. He outstretches his arm in front of him and stretches his palm. The guns in the arms of the henchmen begin to float with a blue aura around them. They suddenly are hurled across the field impacting the helicopter. Seth turns back to the daughter and her mother. "Are you both alright?" He says in a calm caring voice. They nod and tears begin to well up in their eyes. Everyone else around them is awestruck. Giovanni is filled with anger now and his Persian begins to hiss at Ash and his friends. All but Dawn tense up.

"Where did that sword come from?" Dawn asks in a winded voice. Ash stood up straight.

"Seth is… a psychic. Aren't you Seth?" Ash asks in a serious voice. Seth looks at him and nods. Ash turns to Giovanni. "You've invaded my hometown. That was a very serious mistake." Giovanni's face fills with rage.

"Do not talk to me like I am your underling!" Giovanni snaps. He pulls a Poke' ball from his coat and throws it into the air. "Get out here Rhydon!" In a flash of light, Rhydon appears in front of Ash. "Team Rocket members! Release your Poke'mon we will not fail our mission!" The rest of the Team Rocket members throw their Poke' balls into the air as well. A barrage of Raticates and Crobats are released.

"Ok everyone! Get ready to battle!" Ash yells. "Pikachu, let's go!" Pikachu leaps in action.

"Umbreon, time to fight!" Gary throws his Poke'ball into the air and releases Umbreon.

"Blaziken, Blastoise, Leafeon, Beautifly, Delcatty, Snorlax!" May yells as she releases her Poke'mon.

"Steelix, Swampert, Foretress, Golem, Crobat, Sudowoodo!" Brock yells and releases his Poke'mon.

"Empoleon!" Dawn throws her Poke'ball.

"Starmie, Kingdra, Politoad, Golduck!" Misty yells as she releases her Poke'mon.

"Scizor, Venemoth, Azumaril!" Tracey yells as he throws his Poke'mon. Gary runs to Seth as he starts to grab his Master Ball.

"You can't release Mew. That's what they're after!" Gary whispers to Seth. "Get the civilians out of here, protect them with your psychic powers." Seth nods and starts to heard the people.

"Don't let any of them get away! Have your Poke'mon focus on this battle and get your guns and shoot them all down!" Giovanni yells and turns back to the Poke'mon battle. The henchmen scramble for their guns but Seth Sends the guns and the helicopter flying with a telekinetic blast. "Idiots!" Giovanni mutters and turns to the battle. The Poke'mon charge at each other. "All you Poke'mon continue to battle don't let them win. Persian come with me. Giovanni and Persian run towards the flustered civilians. Seth jumps in his way. "I know you have a Poke'mon boy. Come now let us battle or I'll have my Persian kill all of those civilians you are trying to protect." Seth glances at Gary. Gary closes his eyes for a moment and nods then returns his attention back to the battle.

"Alright then. You've got yourself a fight." Seth throws his Master Ball into the air and releases his Mew. Giovanni smiles.

"I thought so. Persian, Shadow Ball!" Persian produces a black orb from his jewel on his forehead and hurls it towards Mew. Mew dodges it and produces a purple beam from in front of it's body and sends it towards Persian. Persian is impacted but nearly nothing happens. That's it Mew. Keep hitting it, eventually we will win! Mew continues to send Psybeam attacks at Persian hitting every time but still not doing much. "My Persian is far to strong for that baby Mew you have. Persian, Slash attack!" Persian lunges at Mew and attempts to slash it with its claw. Mew barely dodges it and produces a Barrier around it blowing Persian back. Persian hits the ground hard but gets back up instantaneously. "Let's finish this, Persian Lock On!" Persian glares at Mew for a few seconds and closes its eyes. Mew, quickly, you've got to try and end it now! Mew begins to sway its arms back and forth. "What?! A Metronome attack! Quickly Persian, use Crunch!" Giovanni yells exasperated. Persian lunges at Mew and tries to bite it. Mew makes one final sway and his arms glow. Suddenly the air gets very cold and Mew begins to glow a darker lime green. "What!? It can't be!" Giovanni yells in fear. Suddenly the field and all of Team Rocket's Poke'mon are instantly frozen and the sky goes from a clear blue, sunny day to a dark, cloudy day. "Sheer Cold?!" Everyone is shivering, Persian is frozen in its tracks, and Seth smirks.

"Alright Mew! Let's send them flying!" Seth and Mew begin to glow a bright blue and Giovanni, his henchmen, all their Poke'mon, and all their equipment rise into the air and are hurled away into the distance. Moments later the field and sky returns to normal. Everyone cheers.

"You did it!" Dawn screams running over to Seth. Seth jumped and his face turned red with embarrassment. Ash and the rest of them walk over to them.

"Looks like that Mew is the real deal. That Metronome was pretty lucky though. You really saved the day." Ash says with and impressed voice. Seth nods and laughs. Mew floats over to him and lands on his head. "Well, we never really got the chance to be formally introduced. I'm Ash Ketchum."

"I'm Brock Takeshi" Brock says with a smile on his face.

"Misty Kasumi is the name!" Misty excitedly exclaims.

"Tracey Sketchit at your service, but you already know me." Tracey laughs.

"I'm May! May Haruka!" May says in a flirty voice.

"And I'm May's brother Max!" Max exclaims.

"And you already know me." Gary says with a calm and collected voice.

"Oh!" Dawn says startled as Seth looks at her. "I'm Dawn Hikari! It's nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you to… all of you! I'm Seth Elwood." Seth says in his returning nervous voice. The crowd start to clammer around Seth saying thank you and praising his bravery. The Poke'mon also start to clammer around him getting to meet him.

"Ash!" Mrs. Ketchum runs up to the group from down the hill in front of the lab. "I got the police as soon as I saw what happened!" Following her was Officer Jenny and other police officers. They start asking questions to the citizens and surveying the area. "Are you all alright?" Mrs. Ketchum asks. Everyone nods. She looks at Seth. "I don't believe I've met you! I'm Delia Ketchum."

"The name is Seth." Seth says in a nervous voice.

"It's nice to meet you. I'm sorry about this situation you must have been very scared…" Mrs. Ketchum notices Mew on Seth's head.

"Oh my! What a cute Poke'mon! What type is it?" Mrs. Ketchum asks.

"Mom… that's a Mew! It's one of the most rare and powerful legendary Poke'mon!" Ash says a little astonished that his mother doesn't know what a Mew is. "Infact, Seth and Mew just saved all of us."

"Really? Well excellent job young man! Are you a Poke'mon trainer?"

"Yeah. I'm just about to start my journey." Seth says softly. "Which reminds me, I have to go."

"What? So soon?" Tracey says a little confused. "Why not stay for the rest of the party?" Seth shakes his head. Tracey shrugs. "Well ok, here is your Poke'dex and five Poke'balls." He pulls the small computer out from his pocket and the shrunken Poke'balls from his lab coat. He hands them to Seth. "Also, here is your trainer card." Tracey pulls a small card from his pocket with a picture of Seth on it and other information vital for identification. Seth takes them and stores them away in his pockets.

"Thanks a lot." He says and shakes everyone's hands. "Well Mew, time to go."

"Mew!" Mew squeeks at Pikachu.

"Pika!" Pikachu squeeks back. The rest of the Poke'mon start to roar and squeek as they say goodbye. Mew sits on Seth's head and they start to move down the hill waving goodbye to everyone. Everyone but Dawn waves back. As Seth moves farther away, the crowd starts to break up and, even though the party has been destroyed people return to their socializations. All of the Poke'mon restart their fun as well. However, Dawn watches Seth walk away until she couldn't see him anymore. Finally she walked over to Ash.

"I've got to get going now." Dawn says softly and shakes Ash's hand.

"Really? You to?" Ash sees the yearning in Dawn's eyes. "So you found a new friend huh?" Dawn nods.

"Empoleon! Time to go." Dawn yells and Empoleon waddles over. Dawn recalls it into its Poke'ball and starts walking down the hill. The rest of the group waves to her and she waves back. Gary, however, is looking at the ground in deep thought. Looks like she wants to join up with him… This isn't good at all. Gary shakes Ash's hand.

"I've got to get going as well." Gary says in a calm voice. Ash is shocked.

"What's with all these people leaving so early?" Ash yelps but then laughs. "See ya later buddy!" Gary nods and then heads down the hill while everyone waves to him. He continues to face in the direction he's facing and puts his arm up to say goodbye to them.

Chapter 1: Spaces between paragraphs, plox! But, you've fixed that in your later Chapters so it's alright.
Gary is no long a "trainer", he never travelled Sinnoh and if its been ten years, then Gary would simply be a Pokemon Researcher.
Add a little more detail to your paragraphs, instead of just having what they said and then them doing it. Explain how they did it and what they were feeling when they did.

Oh! And Gary started off with Squirtle, not Eevee.

Chapter 2: Eww! AshXMisty is a big no-no in my books, but just because I don't like PokeShipping... doesn't mean I shouldn't like your story.
BTW, why is Gary evil? He's never shown any sign of it in the anime and in fact, Ash and him are pretty much friends.
*shrugs* It's your story. You still need a some more detail in your writing though.

Something that did throw me a bit was Thoron and Black Armageddon, what were they supposed to be? Moves you just made up? If they were, you probably should have given them more believable names.

Chapter 3: So, is Gary evil because Professor Oak is dead? And why wasn't Ash more surprised when he saw Celebi?
I'm a little confused about the ages of all of Ash's friends and why they all acting so immaturely? Aren't Ash and Gary meant to be in their early twenties?

You still need a little bit more detail.


I'm getting a bit tired of reading right now and I'd like to get back to my Fanfic, I'll read the rest later on.

Also! Sorry if I sounded a bit mean, but this is a very unusual story with too many confusing twists. Obviously you want to have a bit of mystery surrounding your sotry, but don't have so much that no-one can understand what's going on.

lol

im not gonna answer all of those questions so i dont spoil the story for anybody who reads this but atleast i want u to understand that Gary is not evil... far form it actually

Poke'mon: Rise of a Legend- Season 1- Kanto- Chapter 6: Team Up and Roll Out!

The sun sets over Pallet Town as Seth walks with his back to the quaint community. He looks up and sees the first star of the night in the clear darkening sky. Mew had fallen asleep on his head. He notices this and reaches for its Poke'ball and recalls Mew and continues his trek into an open field.

"Hey! Wait up Seth!" Seth hears a girl's voice from behind him. He stops and turns around but is blinded by the last small amount of sun setting in the distance. He sees a figure running towards him.

"Who's there?" Seth yells back while trying to shield his eyes from the sun with his hand. As the last of the sun sets he is able to see more clearly. A girl in a black tang top with a short pink skirt, a white beanie hat and a big yellow bag hanging from her shoulder was running towards him. Seth recognizes her from the party. "Dawn? Dawn Hikari?" The girl stops in front of him and puts her hands on her knees for a rest.

"You're tough to catch up with!" Dawn says breathing heavily. "I was wondering if I could ask you something. Dawn smiles up at him. Seth cocks his head in curiosity. "Would you mind if I traveled with you in Kanto?" Dawn asks still exasperated.

"Well… uhhhh…" Seth jumps a little at the question. "…you see… the problem is with that." Dawn looks up at him with puppy eyes. Seth's face goes red. "Wh... Why do you even want to travel with me anyways?" Seth asks with an incredibly shaky and nervous voice.

"Because! It's always more fun to travel with other people!" Dawn stands straight up. "Besides, we're both traveling in Kanto and you're a new trainer and I don't really want to travel alone." Dawn beams at Seth. Seth looks at Dawn's face with the sun setting behind it. Beautiful… Seth shakes the thought.

"I'm sorry Dawn… the problem with you traveling with me is… is…" Seth stutters trying to find a reason.

"The problem is that Seth has some very important business to take care of." Seth and Dawn are startled by the third voice. Gary comes out of the brush next to where Dawn and Seth are standing.

"Gary?!" Seth and Dawn gasp simultaneously. Gary walks in between them and turns to Seth.

"Seth, you cannot afford o waste time. You should have been in Viridian by now. What has taken you so long just to get out here?" Gary says almost severely to Seth.

"Uhhh… well I was just enjoying the sky and the sunset." Seth says a little scared. Gary shakes his head in annoyance and turns to Dawn.

"Dawn, Seth cannot have you travel with him." Gary says adamantly. Dawn looks around Gary at Seth. Seth is looking at the ground with a slightly sad look on his face.

"What's this 'important business' that Seth has to do?" Dawn asks.

"It doesn't matter; you can't travel with him. You'd just be extra annoying baggage to him." Gary says VERY severely. Dawn steps back with a shocked look on her face and begins to cry a little. Gary face remains the same… cruel. Dawn breaks down; she drops to her knees and buries her face into her arms.

"You don't have to be such an ass Gary!" Seth yells angrily at Gary. Gary turns around with an infuriated look on his face. "And for your information: she would certainly not be an 'extra annoying baggage' to me!" Dawn looks up her eyes still tearing. Gary leans over to Seth's ear.

"You know as well as I do that if she came with you it would put the mission at stake and her life as well." Gary whispered angrily. Seth's face loosened a little.

"I know… it's just…" Seth whispers back. Dawn stood up and wiped her face clean of tears.

"I don't know what this mission is… but I would be willing to face any dangers that we encounter!" Dawn exclaims triumphantly. Seth and Gary both face Dawn. They both have serious but contemplating looks on their faces.

"Dawn… I understand the desire to travel with someone, but what Seth is doing is… it's just very dangerous." Gary says with a much calmer voice. Seth nods, suddenly there is a flash of light and Mew appears from its Poke'ball on top of Seth's head.

"Mew?" Seth looks confused to why Mew released its self. Suddenly there are two more flashes of light and Empoleon and Umbreon appear from their Poke'balls. Mew floats down and the three Poke'mon make a circle and begin to converse. Gary, Dawn, and Seth all look confused and startled.

"Mew!" Ummm." Empooo!" Umbreaon… on Um!" "Mew Mew Mew!" Empoleon." Finally the three Poke'mon seem to agree with something.

"What's going on Mew?" Seth asks kneeling down to Mew's level. Seth and Mew's eyes begin to glow a light blue.

"Whoa! What are they doing?!" Dawn exclaims.

"Seth and Mew are communicating psychically. Mew is probably telling Seth what the Poke'mon were just talking about." Gary explains. Seth and Mew's eyes go back to normal and Seth stands up. "So… what did Mew say?" Mew, Umbreon, and Empoleon all look up at Seth.

"Mew, Umbreon, and Empoleon were talking about the current situation. Mew and Empoleon both agree that it would be a good idea for Dawn to travel with me. However, Umbreon doesn't think so. Umbreon said that Empoleon and Mew didn't understand the situation because they were too young and inexperienced. Empoleon then got angry because it had been traveling with Dawn for five years. Mew understood what Umbreon was saying though. They then talked about alternative ways to fix the situation so that everyone was happy." Seth looked Gary in the eyes. "They think that it would be best if all three of us traveled together." Gary responds with a look of slight shock.

"You really think it's a good idea Umbreon?" Gary asks Umbreon. Umbreon nods. "You two as well?" Mew and Empoleon both nod. "Hmmm… I don't know… it really wouldn't be very convenient." Gary thinks for a few seconds. "I have to check back with the lab and some other people about this first. I'll be right back." Gary walks off into the brush. Dawn and Seth hear him mumbling to himself as he walks away. "God damn kids… it's already dark and he's not even half way to Viridian." Dawn and Seth turn to each other and chuckle a little bit. Umbreon chases after Gary into the darkness.

"Well whether we travel together or not. We should set up camp, it's getting really late." Dawn says yawning. Seth nods and looks around for a spot to sleep for the night. He spots a big tree in the middle of the field just off the road.

"Over there, there's a tree we can stay there for the night." Seth points towards the tree. Dawn nods and starts to move over there, Empoleon follows. "I'll grab some fire wood." Seth walks over to the brush and kneels down to pick up some twigs and branches.

"Ok I'll set up a little fire pit!" Dawn yells back.

Gary flips open his cell phone and dials a number. Someone on the other line answers and an image of an elderly man wearing a lab coat appears on the screen of the phone.

"Hello? Gary is that you?" The man asks through the phone.

"Yeah, it's me. How's it going over there?" Gary talks down into the phone staring at the screen.

"Oh we are doing fine. All the research that we've been conducting each day has gotten finished and I expect you'll be very impressed when you return. Which reminds me… why did you apply to take on Ash Ketchum for the title? It doesn't seem like it would do you much good being a Poke'mon researcher."

"I had to do it. I can't explain any further than that." Gary says quickly. "It sounds like you guys are doing fine over there. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like I'm returning to Sinnoh any time soon Professor Rowan." The man looks shocked.

"But you said you would only be gone two weeks! What's with the sudden change of plans?!" Professor Rowan exclaims.

"No need to worry, you've got other people working there don't you? A while without your assistant shouldn't be too much of an issue."

"Assistant?! Gary Oak, you are far more than my assistant. You are the most talented young researcher I've ever known!" Professor Rowan laughs. "Well I suppose we will get along fine with out you for a while. Would you like me to put your little project on hold?"

"No, continue the research. The sooner the better if we can discover the answer to that mystery." Professor Rowan nods. "See ya later then."

"Good journey!" The screen went blank and Gary closed his phone and put it in his pocket. He looks up and stares at the almost full moon.

"So I guess you've noticed." Gary says still staring at the moon. A completely cloaked man walks up from behind him, his face was completely invisible.

"Seth Elwood wishes to travel with someone." The man says with a certain rhythm to his voice and tone. "This produces a serious problem." Umbreon lowers his head in a bow and Gary turns to the man and kneels to him.

"What does the rest of the council say?" Gary says in a respectful voice still kneeling.

"They are worried what this may cause but have decided to allow it if you travel with them." The man pulls a necklace with a medallion hanging from it and a trench coat with a hood out of his cloak. "You must keep a low profile. You are now on an official mission and must wear this medallion. You have always been our top researcher since your grandfather and now you must rise to this occasion." Gary puts on the coat and hangs the medallion from his neck. The medallion glints from the moon light and shines the ying- yang sign on it. The man nods to Gary and Gary nods back. "Remember who you are."

"So you've already been to Sinnoh and Hoenn? And you said you were from Twin Leaf town right?" Seth asks Dawn as they converse.

"Yup! I recently left the rest of my Poke'mon with Professor Rowan back in Sandgem Town and now I'm going to be traveling in Kanto to be a top coordinator!" Dawn says excitedly. "What about you? Are you going for Gym Badges and where are you from?"

"Well I'm going for Gym Badges at least in Kanto, not sure about the other regions though." Seth answers. "It kind of depends on that 'business' Gary was talking about earlier. Where I'm from? I'm from an Island way north of here. Even farther north than the Sinnoh region."

"Really? Isn't it cold?" Dawn asks shivering at the thought of it.

"Yeah, year round." Seth answers laughing a little. "You don't like the cold do you?" Dawn shakes her head violently.

"I hate the cold! My dream home is right next to the ocean in a tropical area where I can just lye on the beach all day with my swim suit on tanning." Seth blushes as he pictures her statement. Dawn sees this and does a high pitched chuckle. "So what's this 'business' he was talking about anyway?"

"Unfortunately, I can't tell you. Not yet at least, maybe someday." Seth looks at the ground. Dawn has a soft, caring look on her face as she stares at Seth's appearance flickering from the fire's light. Suddenly Dawn and Seth hear rustling from the brush on the other side of the road. They look over while Umbreon and Gary walk out. Gary sees the fire and walks over to them.

"Sorry I took so long." Gary whispers as he sees Mew and Empoleon sleeping. Empoleon is lying flat on its back and Mew is curled up on its belly. Umbreon walks over and lies next to them. "It looks like you're going to get your wish guys. However, I'm going to be traveling with you." Dawn and Seth look at each other excitedly and nod at Gary.

"Thanks I promise I'll try not to be 'annoying baggage' to you." Dawn says in a mocking voice to Gary. Gary can't help but let out a small laugh. Seth laughs to, while smiling at Dawn. "Hey Gary. Where did you get that coat and the necklace?" Dawn looks closely at hit and then looks at Seth's shoulder guard. "That's the same symbol." Seth and Gary look at each other nervously.

"Looks like you're going to learn what that 'business' is after all Dawn." Seth says with a slight amount of seriousness in his voice. Dawn turns her head between Gary and Seth repeatedly.

"Dawn, Seth and I belong to a very important organization. We call it…" Gary pauses for a moment. "… the Order of the Legends."

Poke'mon: Rise of a Legend- Season 1- Kanto- Chapter 7: The Order

"The… Order of the Legends?" Dawn says with a whisper of curiosity. "What is that?"

"To maintain the balance of this world, to ensure its protection, to promote the prevalence of nature, and solidify a peaceful reality: that is the Order. " Seth recites. "It's a fraise all members are required to memorize and look to guidance for in everything we do. The ideals of the Order are that humans and Poke'mon live peacefully together without corruption or greed; without war or pain." Dawn listens quietly with an astonished look on her face. "That is the oath of the Order of the Legends."

"These are the guidelines that we look to every day. However, this is not actually the main function of the Order." Gary explains. "You see, every one thousand years a very important event happens: the Legendary Poke'mon of the world gather in one place called the Shrine of Legends."

"The Shrine of Legends?" Dawn asks confused. "I've never heard of a place like that. Where is it?"

"The Shrine of Legends existed very far north of here on an island called Shinpyou- the Island of Trust." Gary answers.

"Very far… then… that's where you come from Seth?" Dawn asks a little excited that she figured something out in all this craziness, Seth nods.

"Indeed, Seth's home town is on that island. His town is also the headquarters for the Order. From that small town on the base of the mountain where the shrine exists, Mt. Arceus: named after the legendary Poke'mon of the Gods, the Order manages and monitors the stability of the world. However, in years of late, they have been disappointed with this world's values. Humans have, once again, begun the path of selfishness and carelessness." Gary says with a combination of anger and pity in his voice. "Soon after the Order started noticing this, around 60 years ago, organizations like Team Rocket, Team Aqua, Team Magma, and Team Galactic started to surface. This has caused many of the legendary Poke'mon to loose hope in humans just as they did one thousand years ago."

"What? This has happened before?" Dawn asks completely interested and focused now. "What do you mean loose hope?" Gary looks at Seth and Seth nods.

"You see Dawn, the reason that the legendaries gather is to select one human being. They call upon Arceus and he grants this human the ability to change this world in the way he sees fit. This happens once every one thousand years. This has been the same for as long as this world has existed." Seth explains seeming to recite something he read. "However, the last time this happened, the world was in chaos. Humans were enslaving Poke'mon making them fight their wars and then throwing the Poke'mon out like they were trash." Seth's voice changed to a sorrowful tone. "The legendaries chose the one human who they thought could help the world. He was an honest man who truly wanted to help but recently his wife and children had been kidnapped by an evil organization. At first the man used his power to create a mostly peaceful world. He created bonds with the Poke'mon that he helped and aided humans to get along with them as well. However, he left the group that kidnapped his family alone for one year. After he had done what the legendaries intended he headed for the base of the organization because of a letter they had sent him. They told him that they would return his family to him if he aided them in becoming pure. He had originally intended to get revenge assuming that his family was dead but when he got this letter he traveled to their base… which happened to be on Shinpyou. The organization knew that legendary Poke'mon gathered there a lot and they were hoping to catch one and use it for their evil deeds."

"So wait! The legendary Poke'mon go there more often then just once every thousand years?" Dawn asks.

"Yes, in fact the island is the only place where legendary Poke'mon will commonly interact with humans. At least that's the way it is now. Back when the organization was there the legendaries stayed away from the island if they knew what was going on. Needless to say the organization wasn't very successful in capturing any legendary Poke'mon. For this reason is why they called on the man with Arceus's power. They were sick of failing and decided to try and enslave the man. The letter was a trap. The man fell for that trap. When he arrived at the base he was ambushed. The organization had trained their Poke'mon to attack humans and Poke'mon with utter cruelty. He was subdued immediately from the surprise. He was about to use his power to escape when the leader came towards him and threatened to kill his family if he resisted. The leader showed the man that his family was alive but had been in prison for all this time. The leader said that he must help them take over the world or the family dies. The man submitted only after the leader tortured his family in front of his eyes. The leader had barely kept them alive for a year. The man was forced to enslave he world that he created. The organization used his power to gain control of the world's Poke'mon and enslaved the humans. For a short period of time, the world was under this organizations control. However, one day the man's wife was able to break free of her cell and went to see the man who was in a cell as well. The wife begged the man to stop these criminals no matter what happens to them but the man said he couldn't bare to see his family die or in pain. Just as he was saying that a guard found the wife and beat her profusely for being out of her cell. The man pleaded with the guard to stop but the guard wouldn't. The guard decided it would be fun to show the wife and husband how he would kill their child. He grabbed the in pain but sleeping child and skewered him on a stake. The man and wife cried out and the man began to release some of his power hoping to heal the mortally injured child. The man was screaming that they'd gone against the deal, but it turned out that the guard was drunk. However, the boy could not be healed and he died. The wife was in shock and began to rampage in screaming and loathing for these people. She grabbed one of the guard's blades and slit her own throat. There, in front of the man, was his family… dead. The man became enraged he released all his power in one fell swoop he broke out his cell and killed all the guards in brilliant flashes of light. He no longer had any sense, no remorse. He killed everyone whether they were slave or member. He also killed all the Poke'mon he encountered. The legendaries appeared and attempted to stop him but could not. He crushed them all with in an inch of death. Only a small amount of Poke'mon and humans were left, one of them was the leader of the organization and the man with the power turned to them. He was so enraged he didn't care who he killed but he was going to make the leader pay. He began to step forward and generated an orb that he was going to kill them all with. However, just as he was about to fire his attack he heard a cry. He turned to see that his child was still alive. He dropped what he was doing and ran to his child who was in incredible pain. He began to attempt to heal the toddler with his power. He managed to heal him and laid him to rest on a nearby bed. The rest of the survivors made their way towards him. The leader dropped to the ground praying for forgiveness. The man looked down at him and then looked at what he had done. He said these words 'Although what you have done is unforgivable… I have sinned just as you have. I will spare you, for I have now realized that pain and suffering cannot incur proper payment for pain and suffering.' The leader burst into tears and swore that he would do all he could in his power to revive the world that he had destroyed. The man with the power forgave the man told the rest of the survivors to help him. The man then stepped outside, knowing his fate, Arceus had come for him. Arceus descended upon the site of all the destruction and death. He spoke to the man 'You have misused the power I have bestowed upon you. Face your Judgment.' A great column of light crashed down upon the man and he was gone. The child had awoken and saw this happen. He cried for his father and mother but the survivors could only explain to him what happened." Dawn was in tears. Seth continued. "The leader swore he would recompense by raising the boy. However, the boy disappeared the moment he turned eighteen years of age, never to be heard from again."

"Well what happened to the leader of the organization?" Dawn asks whipping her eyes of tears and hoping for him to get his just deserts.

"He created the Order of the Legends" Seth says with a trace of pride in his voice. Dawn looked shocked. "He was truly changed by what happened. It's like he grew a conscious he never had. The survivors began the Order and have sworn to ensure peace for this world."

"This brings us to Seth's mission." Gary interrupts. "The legendaries have seen what this world has become once again and they are beginning to believe that it isn't worth it to change the world. However, the Order believes that it there is a person who will be perfect for the job. We truly believe that he can change the world. The legendaries have heard our call and have decided that he would suffice but also that humanity gets only one more chance."

"Well if all the legendaries agree then what's the problem?" Dawn asks in confusion.

"The problem is… we believe that the evil organizations of the world know of this event that is about to happen and they want their leader to be the one the legendaries choose." Gary says seriously. "We also have reason to believe that they have the resources to do it as well."

"How can they make all legendaries to agree on one person, especially an evil person?" Dawn asks getting a little angry.

"You don't understand. ALL legendaries have to agree. If even one doesn't agree they must battle to find out who is correct. Only the Poke'mon last standing will be able to decide. However, it's also told that a battle of this magnitude could cause world wide destruction."

"That's where I come in. I have to find how the organizations of the world plan to take control of this world and then I have to eliminate that possibility." Seth heroically says.

"Then why are you working to get badges and be a Poke'mon champion?" Dawn asks now very confused of Seth's motives.

"He isn't." Gary states. "Seth needs to get into the Hall of Fame by defeating the Elite Four."

"Why?" Dawn asks.

"…because then Mewtwo will give Seth an audience." Gary explains. "Mewtwo was created about ten years ago by Team Rocket; because of the way Mewtwo was treated he never had any real trust in humans. He came to the island about five years ago and the council asked him to support the person they believed would be acceptable to gain Arceus's power. He accepted almost immediately when he heard who it was."

"So what's the problem?!" Dawn asks now tired of getting explanations that don't make any sense.

"Alright! Alright!" Gary yells a bit. "Our scientists noticed a device in Mewtwo's brain. We analyzed it when we healed him back to health from his travels and found that it was a mind control device. This made our scientists believe that Giovanni can still control Mewtwo remotely but for only about ten minutes." Dawn looked very confused. Gary shakes his head and begins to explain some more. "Mewtwo has been accepted by Arceus as a legendary Poke'mon. Hence forth, Mewtwo gets a say in who the human should be." Dawn still looks baffled. Gary sighs. "If Giovanni takes control of Mewtwo during the decision, he could make Mewtwo say that Giovanni should be the one!"

"But wouldn't that just start a battle. All of them would be teaming up against Mewtwo, he would just loose." Dawn says acting smart. Seth and Gary shake their heads.

"Mewtwo is the clone of Mew. Mew is by far the most powerful Poke'mon in the world and Mewtwo is more powerful than it. Mewtwo was cloned from the previous Mew so now not even Mew it self stands a chance. No Poke'mon of this world does. This is why we need to destroy the device." Gary says severely. Dawn gasps. "The reason Giovanni attacked Pallet earlier is because he knows who we are and what we want to do. He also knows that, not only will Mewtwo only see Seth if he has Mew with him and is in the Hall of Fame, but that we need Mew to destroy the device."

"But wait… why does Seth need to be in the Hall of Fame?" Dawn asks. "And further more… wouldn't destroying something inside Mewtwo's head hurt him?"

"When Mewtwo and Mew work together they have the abilities of two Mew's. Mewtwo can use a very powerful Recover while Mew uses Teleport to get the device out." Seth explains in a scholarly manner. "… and for why he will only see me if I'm in the Hall of Fame is because he believes that a trainer that can get into the Hall of Fame truly cares for the lives of one's Poke'mon and that he is pure in intention." The three are silent for a moment. Finally, Gary stands up and stretches.

"We need to get some rest everyone. Tomorrow we go all the way to Viridian City." Gary proclaims as he drops to the ground and stretches him self out over the grass. "Good night.

"Good night." Seth and Dawn say simultaneously. They glance at each other and smile as they to fall asleep.

I didn't read it all the way trough yet, but I did read most of it, so I can give you a review.
A few things that caught my eye:

1) You have way too much dialogue compared to description. Practically everything that happens is told by dialogue, which makes this almost like a script of a play. That's not necessarily a super bad thing or anything, but I like reading description. It's more.... descriptive :D So, I suggest you either try to turn some of your dialogue into description or them simply cut some of the dialogue out and describe places and people a bit further.

2) Using canon characters is very hard indeed. What struck me as odd was the fact Gary behaves nothing like Gary here. Also, why haven't Ash and Misty kissed even once if they're engaged? Also, why is Mewtwo so insanely powerful?

3) You constantly change your tense. You go from "Ash yelled" to "Misty screams" in two consecutive sentences. You should use only one and try to correct all the wrong ones into the tense you decide to use. You know, those posts have an edit button, so you can go back to make everything past tense, if you want. Also I think you should fix the formatting of your first chapter with the said edit button. You know, those empty spaces between paragraphs. It will attract readers.

4) Don't write Poke'mon. It's either Pokemon or Pokémon, but never Poke'mon.

5) Why do the characters have their Japanese names as their surnames? I thought it was pretty weird... But then again, you're free to do whatever you want.

Overall, I think this is fairly interesting and definitely getting better the further it goes. You have a decent plot, but the beginning of your fic was a bit too slow-paced. Also I think you might have too many characters: it confuses the reader to have a lot of characters right from the start. That way you pretty much never get to no even one of them. Of course, these are canon characters, so it's a bit different in this case, as you can assume people already know who are you talking about. But I didn't, for onw, because I never watched the series from Johto onwards. So, I was a bit confused first.

So: less dialogue and more description and you'll do just fine. I like this and I think you should definitely go on with this. The plot is good and you have come up with some interesting theories. Thumbs up for that, Lukespade! This isn't perfect, but nothing is. You're doing a fine job with this.

Keep up the good work!

Oh, and good luck with your fic. i hope you get someone better than me to review!

Poke'mon: Rise of a Legend- Season 1- Kanto- Chapter 8: On the Road to Viridian City

The sun shines brightly down on Gary, Seth, and Dawn as they make their way towards Viridian City. The grass bends to the wind on the open field as they approach the top of a hill. The three travelers finally are able to see over the hill and look down on a massive bustling city with sounds of cars, trucks, and life.

"Alright we're almost there!" Dawn excitedly screams. She starts to run down the hill towards the city. "Come on guys! You aren't going to let a girl beat you there are you?" Dawn teases as she makes her way down the hill. Gary sighs and Seth laughs; Seth starts to run after her but Gary keeps on walking his normal pace. Dawn trips from running so fast and starts to tumble down the hill.

"Dawn!" Seth yells after her. He can hear her groans as she finally stops and lies flat on her back in the grass. "Are you alright?!" Seth frantically asks her as he catches up to her. Dawn starts to get up and groans from being so sore.

"Heh… guess I was going to fast." Dawn lets out a small laugh. Seth sits down cross legged next to her. Gary walks up shaking his head.

"Well, now that you've gone and hurt yourself, now's a good a time as any for a break." Gary says a little annoyed. He sits down and reaches into his pocket and grabbed a canteen. He starts to guzzle his water. "Ahhh that was good!" Dawn sits up still aching.

"That was quite a fall Dawn. You sure you're all right?" Seth asks concerned. Dawn nods and grabs a water bottle out of her bag and starts to drink. Seth shrugs and reaches for his backpack. He notices a blue ball with leaves sticking out it rummaging through his stuff. "Hey?! Get out of there!" The blue ball jumped and started to freak out.

"Oddish! Oddish! Oddish!" the small Oddish continued to yell as it hopped around in surprise.

"Awww! It's so cute!" Dawn screeches. She walks over to it and tries to pet it. The Oddish immediately stops and calms down. Dawn gently strokes the leaves and the Oddish smiles up at her. "You scared it! Nice going Seth." She scolds.

"Well it was rummaging through my crap!" Seth responds a little angry. The Oddish makes a taunting expression towards Seth. Seth scours back and stands up quickly. "Why you little!" Oddish hops behind Dawn in fear.

"Come on Seth, calm down!" Dawn scolds again.

"No chance! I'm catching that little cretin!" Seth says while grinding his teeth. Seth grabs Mew's Poke'ball from his belt. "Alright Mew! Time to catch our first Poke'mon!" In a flash of light Mew is released from its Poke'ball and appears floating in mid air.

"No! Be nice Seth, you can't battle this sweet little creature!" Dawn says with a babying voice towards Oddish.

"Actually it might not be a bad idea." Gary interrupts as he continues to get enjoyment out of the confrontation. "Your first gym match will probably be against Brock in Pewter City and he uses only rock type Poke'mon." Dawn scowled at Gary; Gary just smirks back at her.

"Alright then! Get ready Mew!" Mew goes into a battle stance. Oddish starts to run away. Mew, stop it with Psychic! Mew begins to glow and Oddish is lifted into the air. Mew then produces a beam of purple light that shoots towards Oddish. Oddish is impacted by the Psybeam and knocked to the ground. "Ok, time to catch it!" Seth grabs an empty Poke'ball from his belt and presses the center button to inflate it. He then throws the Poke'ball at the Oddish and Oddish is turned into red light that moves into the Poke'ball. The Poke'ball begins to twitch and make ding sounds. Suddenly, the Poke'ball busted open and Oddish was returned to the outside in a flash of light. "What?!" the Poke'ball jumps back into Seth's hand. Gary raises his eye brow.

"That's a tough little bugger." Gary skeptically says.

"Yeah! Go Oddish!" Dawn cheers. Seth looks at her like she's crazy. "Who says I have to cheer for you?" Dawn makes a teasing smile at Seth. Seth scowls. Alright Mew, hit it with Shadow Ball. Mew produces a black orb and hurls it toward Oddish. Oddish jumps to the side and avoids it. Oddish then shoots tiny sharp leaves from its head. Mew is hit by the leaves and scratched a little. "Go Oddish! You're so tough! Unlike Seth who sure ain't buff!" Dawn chants. Seth looks really annoyed. Come on Mew! Use Psychic and continually smash it on the ground! Oddish rises into the air and falls to the ground repeatedly.

"Odd! Dish! Odd!" Oddish cries as it hits the ground over and over. Oddish manages to focus on Mew and a green light seems to be pull from Mew's body. The Psychic attack stops and the green light moves over to Oddish and seems to restore it.

"Wow… that's a powerful Absorb." Gary looks over at Seth with a un- impressed expression. "You do realize that you are loosing to an Oddish right?" Gary chuckles and so does Dawn. Seth just gets more annoyed. Mew use Metronome! Mew begins to wave his arms back and forth until they glow blue. Mew opens its mouth as if it was going to take a huge breath.

"MEW!" the sounds crashes down on Oddish and knocks it over.

"Alright! A Sonic Boom attack!" Seth smirks. Oddish hops back up almost un- fazed. "What is with this Oddish?! How is it so strong?!"

"The Oddish around here get really strong because they eat a berry that is very common in this area called a Lipap berry. The Lipap stimulate the increase of physical and mental stamina in Poke'mon." Gary educates in an astute tone.

"Well you could have told me earlier!" Seth yells back. "Alright perhaps my Poke'dex can help." Seth grabs his Poke'dex from his pocket and flips it open and scans Oddish.

"Oddish: The shrub Poke'mon. These Poke'mon are usually quite timid and trusting. However, when aggravated, Oddish can be very stubborn in battle. Oddish are strong against water, ground and rock. Oddish are weak against fire, air, psychic, and ice." The Poke'dex recites in a mechanical voice.

"No good… it didn't help at all." Seth grinds his teeth. "Ok then, I'm just going to keep hitting it!" Mew begins to shoot Psybeams at the Oddish and all but two miss. "Damn it! This Oddish must be getting tired but it just keeps getting back up!" Oddish begins to float in the air and Mew uses Agility making it appear like there is three of it. From each of the Mew, Shadow Balls shoot at Oddish and every one hits. Oddish falls to the ground not able to move. "God damn it this had better work!" Seth throws the Poke'ball at Oddish again. Oddish is sucked into the Poke'ball and it begins to twitch but stops almost immediately. "Ummm… I think I caught it." Seth walks over to the Poke'ball and picks it up. He clicks the button and in a flash of light Oddish appears in front of him.

"Oddish!" Oddish cheerily says looking up at him and then it faints. Dawn runs over to it and picks it up in her arms.

"You big meanie! You didn't have to hurt it so badly!" Dawn scolds Seth even more viciously this time. Mew floats over to Oddish and pokes it. Oddish opens its eyes.

"Mew! Mew!" Mew chirps to Oddish.

"Oddish?" Oddish says confused.

"Mew!" Mew starts to laugh.

"Oddish! Odd!" Oddish cheerily says.

"Well looks like you caught yourself an Oddish. We should probably get going and get this little guy to a Poke'mon center." Gary wisely says. He stands while Dawn and Seth grab their bags. Seth recalls Oddish into its Poke'ball and they set off.

Poke'mon: Rise of a Legend- Season 1- Kanto- Chapter 9: Viridian City (Part 1)

Clouds are building in the sky as the sun gets ever closer to setting. Seth, Gary, and Dawn are walking on a long road bustling with people leaving work to go home to their families. Some people look up and wonder if it is going to rain tonight. As the three travelers begin to see the Poke'mon Center behind some large buildings, a feint boom is heard from the sky.

"It's going to rain tonight… pretty son actually; we'd best get to the Poke'mon Center quick." Gary instructs. Seth and Dawn nod and they pick up their pace a little. By the time they get to the Poke'mon Center, its pouring rain outside. They run up the drive way and into the sliding doors, stopping only to catch their breaths. A nurse with strangely styled, pink hair runs over to them from behind the front desk.

"You all must be soaked!" Nurse Joy almost scolds. "It isn't wise to travel in rain. You'll catch a cold!"

"Sorry, we meant to get here earlier but we got hung up with a troublesome Oddish." Gary explains and looks at Seth.

"Oh right!" Seth says a little startled. "Nurse Joy, I caught this Oddish today and I hurt it kind of bad. Could you please take a look at hit?" Nurse Joy nods and takes the Poke'ball. She releases the Oddish onto a soft chair and examines it. She whirls around and places her hands on her hips and stares angrily at Seth.

"In all my life I've never seen a recently caught Poke'mon is this bad condition!" She scolds very angrily. "This Poke'mon is in really bad shape. You didn't need to hurt it so much just to capture it." Seth tries to speak but she gives him a nasty gesture. She runs to the desk and picks up a microphone. "Chancey, please report to the front desk with a stretcher. Prepare for restoration of an Oddish." She announces into the microphone and over the loud speakers. Moments later a big white egg shaped Poke'mon appears from another room rolling a stretcher over to the Oddish. Nurse Joy gently picks up and places the Oddish on the stretcher. They run off into a room and a sign with a syringe on it lights up red.

"Wow… she was mad." Dawn says a little stunned. "Maybe she'll understand if we explain to her that the little Oddish wouldn't give up no matter what." Gary shrugged and Seth looked really embarrassed.

"I don't think she likes me." Seth says with a nervous chuckle in his voice. Seth turns to Gary. "Gary… Mew is getting to the point where it needs to be restored." Gary opens his mouth about to say something, but Dawn interrupts.

"Why don't you just get Mew restored here?" Dawn says in an innocent voice.

"We don't want word getting out that Seth has a Mew." Gary says. "The Order has more enemies then just Team Rocket. In fact… they're the least of our worries."

"Well… then how does Mew get restored?" Dawn asks in confusion. Gary somewhat ignores the question and turns to Seth.

"Don't worry… there is a station in this Center." Gary explains. Dawn, a little perturbed that he totally ignored what she had just said, puts her hands on her hips and comes between Seth and Gary and glares at Gary.

"Don't ignore me!" She snaps at him. Gary makes an annoyed scowl and shrugs angrily.

"Fine! You'll see what I'm talking about in a moment." Gary snaps back at her. Seth sighs at their arguing. Man I got a feeling there's going to be a lot of arguing on this trip. He thinks to himself. Gary walks over to a large mural with four squares. In these squares there is an illustration of an Arcanine, Zapdos, Moltres, and Ho-oh. Gary looks straight at the Ho-oh illustration and grasps his necklace. He seems to press the symbol on his necklace in. "Remember who we are…" The mural begins to shake and a rectangular opening appears in the wall in the shape of a door. Gary beckons Seth and Dawn with his hand and walks into the dark room. Seth walks right in but Dawn hesitates a little in fear.

"Don't worry… nothing bad is going to happen." Seth looks back and laughs at her hesitation. She nods and walks with him into the room. A small light flickers at the point of a whole that descends with a long staircase. They start descending into the dimly lit stair case and walk for about two minutes. They finally come up to the bottom and a door with a circuit board like crevice lay in front of them. Gary was waiting for them their.

"Took you guys long enough." Gary says in a snotty voice. "Seth, you're up." Seth nods and steps forward. He pushes in the symbol on his shoulder guard. "… We are those of the Order." The crevice begins to glow a feint white color and the door descends into the ground. The three of them walk in and a massive screen covering the whole wall on the other end of the small room lights up and a hooded man appears on the screen. The light floods the room and there is a table and chairs in front of them and a small computer like device on the end of the table with a slot for a Poke'ball. "Council Member." Gary greets and bows. Seth bows as well and Dawn just realizing what was going on now bows as well. The Council member nods.

"Gary Oak… who is this girl traveling with you and Seth and why have you let her in here?" The council member asks in a completely emotionless and monotone voice. Gary, Seth, and Dawn rise from their bows. Gary sits down and Seth and Dawn follow suit.

"This is Dawn Hikari. She insisted on traveling with Seth and Seth also insisted on letting her." Gary responded in a completely respectful voice.

"Is this true Seth?" the man asks Seth in the same voice.

"Yes sir." Seth also uses a very respectful voice.

"You know we are not allowed to introduce our world to outsiders. Further more she could be in a high amount of danger." The man continues to say. "What is to be done about this Gary Oak? You know she cannot travel with you."

"Why not?!" Dawn stands and screams at the screen. Gary and Seth turn to Dawn quickly and gesture for her to sit down in a fierce manner. She does but pouts about it.

"Please forgive her Council Member." Seth apologizes.

"This is why we cannot allow this. She is cannot even seem to control herself." The man says, still in the emotionless tone.

"Please sir." Seth interrupts. Gary shoots a fierce look at Seth but Seth simply ignores it. "She is a very good person. She knows of our past and knows of the danger and she still is determined to travel with us. It looks as if our paths are nearly the same and I truly believe that she will be more than beneficial to us… to me in my journey." The Council Member looks in Gary direction. Gary nods respectfully.

"We… will discuss this matter. However, the chances of this motion being approved are slim." The Council Member states.

"Ummm… sir?" Dawn asks in a shaky voice. The Council Member turns to her. "I'm sorry I snapped at you and I was wondering… if I were to prove to you that I could help them, would that persuade you?" The man seems to think a little.

"Perhaps." He says. "In any case, I will speak to the council about this issue. In the mean time I would like you to continue preparations for your first gym battle in Viridian City."

"Council Member, Seth is not going to the gym in Viridian just yet." Gary responds.

"What? Why not?"

"The gym here is very tough… he simply isn't ready. It's best to begin at the Pewter City gym." Gary replies. "Trust me… when I was a trainer I was never even able to beat the Viridian City gym leader."

"That is acceptable. However, you must eventually defeat him so prepare for it." Seth nods his head respectively. "Now… we have set up these rooms in every city. I'm sure the Mew needs to be restored. Please place the Poke'ball on that slot over there." The man points at the small computer and Seth walks over to it and places his Master Ball in the slot. The computer's screen lights up and the Poke'ball beings to glow and seems to pulsate light. The words "Restoration Complete" pop up on the screen and the light goes away. Seth picks up his Master Ball and clips it onto his belt. "Remember who you are." The large screen shuts off as Seth and Gary bow to the Council Member. When the room goes dark the door re- opens and they walk back up the stairs and re- enter the Poke'mon Center. As they walk in Nurse Joy appears from the emergency room and looks over at them. Seth walks over to her and looks into the emergency room.

"How's Oddish?" Seth asks with concern.

"It'll be fine." She snaps at him, probably still angry at him for Oddish's condition.

"That's good." Seth responds. They all hear a thumping sound and look out the front window to see the rain coming down. "Did you guys hear that?"

"Yeah. I think there is someone outside." Nurse Joy says in a more concerned voice. They all walk up to the front door and look outside. Standing outside, are a large crowd of people holding guns… and wearing Team Rocket uniforms.

A girl with a light blue tang top, a small light blue business looking hat, and a short red skirt looks through binoculars into the Viridian City Poke'mon Center in the rain. She talks into a watch on her wrist.

"It looks like Team Rocket is making their move." She smirks.

"Good. Do you have the information?" a deep static interfering voice responds.

"Yes… my targets: 'Ash Ketchum, age 20', 'Misty Kasumi, age 23', 'Brock Takeshi, age 25', 'May Haruka, age 18', 'Gary Oak, age 21', 'Dawn Hikari, age 15', and 'Seth Elwood, age 15'." She smiles a snide smile.

"Good, but don't strike yet. We have to get rid of Ash Ketchum first. Everyone else comes after."

"Right."

Review, by request. I will be harsh, but please don't take it personally.

Okay, first and foremost, please to be leaving off the font tags. Not everyone can read black font on every theme PC has (Deep Forest and Midnight Misty, for excellent examples. In fact, I use the latter, which makes this even more fun.), so it's just easier to leave the tags off and let the forum format things for you.

Not to mention it's such a hassle attempting to do a quote review and having to delete all of those tags anyway. I mean, literally, half the lines I'm seeing are basically font tags, some of which amusingly contradict one another. (You can't really use Comic Sans MS and Verdana at the same time because they're both font faces. As in, that's like saying something's both a human and a toucan. It doesn't work.) And then, there are some that you're using to code for completely empty space. As in, there's nothing in between the tags you're putting down. What are you doing there? O_o

Aside from that, without further ado, the review. Quote-style.

Lukespade said:

"Hello Poke' fans!"

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First off, comma after "hello." It's a direct address.

Second, a little nitpick and petpeeve of mine: that little line above the e in "Pokémon" isn't an apostrophe. It's an accent. (Accute macron, actually.) It doesn't serve the same purpose as an apostrophe, and the word "Pokémon" itself is not a contraction that requires the latter. If you must, just leave the word without any punctuation. But if you really want the accent and are using a PC, hold down your ALT key and hit 0233 on your number pad (the one above your arrows). Yes, it's a hassle, but if you're absolutely against keying it in all the time, and you're using Microsoft Word, just add it to your auto correct.

The crowd goes wild with cheering.

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Are we in the past or present here? You said that the announcer "yelled," but here, the crowd goes. Remember to stick with one tense for the sake of consistency.

Also, don't jam everything into one paragraph like you did here. Yes, the announcer is the only one speaking, but a massive paragraph like this tends to be intimidating and just plain messy, especially since multiple people are taking actions. The only thing that should be in a dialogue paragraph are the words and actions of the speaker. Everything else goes in new paragraphs.

Fire works

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This is one word.

Just as impressive, Gary Oak has

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…Canonically given up training in favor of Pokémon research. (See the end of the Johto season.)

It's usually implied that being a researcher and being a trainer are two separate occupations. That is, while a researcher may participate in Pokémon battling, he or she generally doesn't participate in Pokémon tournaments the way trainers do. Instead, they devote themselves mostly to the pursuit of knowledge. In fact, I believe Gary has said that this was his goal at one point, so it's a little odd that he's suddenly decided to participate in this tournament.

that are their anticipation.

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Anticipation = expectation, hope.

In other words, I actually don't know what you mean here. O_o

At last they shake hands and the crowd cheers.

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Comma after "hands." This is a compound sentence. You can tell by replacing "and" with a period. Notice how what you have left are two complete sentences? You'll want to try adding a period whenever you add a conjunction (and, but, or, nor, for, yet, so) to what you're writing. If you come up with two complete sentences as a result, you need a comma for a compound sentence in order to separate the independent clauses and show the reader you're trying to form two complete thoughts that are connected.

"This is it guys." Brock says in his calm collected voice.

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Because this is probably going to be a long review anyway, I'm just going to give you the guide right now when I'm only two pages in. You have a lot of trouble with commas, and it'd be too much of a hassle, really, to point everything out. (Not to mention you probably don't want me focusing so much on the grammatical review over the storyline review.)

Ergo:

Using Commas  Your new Bible.

Please read it, and if there's any confusion as to what is and isn't a mistake afterwards, ask me, and I'll give you a more detailed run-down of what's wrong in spots like these.

Also, again, you switch tenses.

"Well you're certainly going to get one." Tod says.

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First off, Todd. Second off… O_o Todd's a globe-trotting Pokémon photographer who wasn't even that much of a companion. The only reason why he ever followed Ash was because Ash was headed in the same direction (the first time around) and was also after the Pokémon Todd wanted to photograph (second). I think he'd be more interested in snapping pictures of Absol in the Himalayas than sitting through Ash's tournament, especially considering the fact that he wasn't ever really pictured to cheer for Ash anyway.

The only reason why I'm commenting on this is because it just feels like you brought back every single companion Ash had (brief or not) for the sake of bringing them back, rather than for a particular reason. If you don't have a particular reason why the character should be there, then it's probably best to just have Ash's current companions attend. After all, it would take a lot of effort for Misty (for example) to simply abandon the Cerulean Gym in favor of sitting through a tournament on Indigo Plateau, especially given the fact that she hasn't attended any of tournaments Ash participated in since Johto. Yes, it's a larger tournament, but it's not like she and the other characters who would find it to be a hassle to come couldn't stay home and cheer Ash on while watching him on television.

"Here are the rules: each trainer may use all six of his poke'mon how ever, during the match there will be no substitutions allowed."

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This is a run-on sentence. Put a period before "however" (which, yes, is only one word), and you'll see that what you're trying to write are two separate thoughts.

The announcer explains. "LET'S BEGIN THE MATCH!!!!!!" The announcer screams.

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You only need one dialogue tag (the part that states who's speaking) per paragraph. After that, we know who's speaking, so it ends up being redundant to tell us again.

"You're not going to be able to Gary!" yells Ash confidently. "Go, Pidgeot!"

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When did Ash get his Pidgeot back?

I mean, he does have a perfectly good Flying-type he could use anyway. *motions to Staravia, which could have evolved by the time this story takes place*

"Alright Swellow, lets start off with Quick Attack!"

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Let's. It's a contraction for "let us."

And at this point, I also give up on the grammatical review in general. You switch tenses too often for comfort, you seem to need to brush up on punctuation, and there's spelling oddities that just won't be caught by a spell check. All of which lead me to say two things:

1. This would like to be loved. It's a guide to grammar that should teach you all the basics.
2. Get thee to a nunnery. Beta readers are kind souls who will help you iron out all the little details of your fic, including spelling and punctuation. It would be a good idea to get yourself one because, honestly, even the tiniest flaws in grammar can actually change the meaning of a sentence.

From here on out, this review's mostly storyline, characterization, and logic. I may point out grammatical errors if they're particularly significant (i.e., change the meaning of what you're trying to say), but other than that, let's just state for the record that you really want a beta reader here.

The two Poke'mon clash with incredible force in the center of the arena sending an incredible shock wave through the audience.

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Okay, let's stop for a moment and look at your battles. This is a trainer fic primarily, yes? As in, the focus is on the training aspect of the Pokémon world. Because of that, your battles will probably be a large source of action and excitement. The audience will be expecting epic battles, particularly in this case because:

1. It's the beginning of the fic, so excitement will draw them in.
2. It's a huge tournament deciding the champion of the world.

Long story short, just having them disappear and then vaguely hit each other a second later will not excite the readers. Put more detail into your battles. Show us how the move was executed. What do you mean by "clash"? Are these full-on body slams into each other? What happened after? These are high-speed blows, so do the Pokémon get knocked out of the sky? If not, how do they save themselves before hitting the ground? How do they react? What are their expressions?

All of those details may seem like they'll weigh down the pace of your story, but you need to describe these moves in more than just one sentence with vague details. Be specific.

The two birds once again collide with unbelievable force. Swellow is knocked off balance.

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This is what I mean by the above. We can't see the attacks, so we're left in the dark as to what's going on. On top of that, we can't see what you mean by "knocked off balance," considering these Pokémon are in the air, so they're not really balancing on anything.

Pidgeot speeds towards Swellow with mach two speeds.

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The reuse of the word "speeds" sounds a bit redundant. I would suggest replacing the first one with "darts" or "dashes" or even "dives."

The impact is massive.

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How so?

"Swellow! Are you alright?!" Gary yells as Swellow collides into the stadium wall.

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This makes me smile, if only because it's like asking the same question to someone who was just pulled out of a devastating car accident. Seriously, getting hit by something going at mach two and then getting slammed into a wall? Not going to tickle there.

Swellow gets up and screeches.

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Probably because several bones in its body is broken.

Pidgeot recovers its balance before it hits the wall.

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That seems oddly convenient. No, seriously. It just hit a solid object while going at mach two, and it's not so much as stunned.

"Pidgeotoooooooo!" Pidgeot screeches

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Personally, I've always found using Pokémon cries as redundant, especially if you say it screeches a moment later. Because we can't understand Pokémon speech anyway, it serves no purpose.

"Get ready Ash… Bring the pain, Electrive!"

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1. Gary wouldn't actually say "bring the pain." Believe it or not, he actually cares about Pokémon.
2. Electivire.

Pidgeot streaks away from the bolt but the bolt follows it.

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You know, there's an easier way to do this without bending the laws of physics: very few things can outrun a bolt of lightning. A bird that isn't already in motion is not one of these things. (A bird in motion isn't either, for that matter, but one can be lenient in that regard with the idea of Quick Attack.)

"Stop Pidgeot has had enough!"

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Remember how I said I wouldn't mention grammatical errors unless it changes the meaning of what you're trying to say? This is one of those moments. Without a punctuation mark right after "stop," you're having Ash scream that someone needs to stop his Pidgeot, not that he wants Electivire to stop because his Pidgeot has had enough.

In other words, proofreading is a good idea.

"Pidgeot is unable to battle decreed by its trainer."

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As decreed by its trainer. Otherwise, the sentence doesn't entirely make sense.

"Donphan! Stop the Roll Out and use Dig!" Donphan stops the roll and digs underground while still in movement. Electrive launches the Mega Punch but misses.

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Electivire is faster than Donphan. It just seems like you're really stretching to have that Mega Punch miss, particularly because Donphan's already in mid-attack when it's being launched.

If you really want to avoid bending logic here, you could consider the facts that Donphan's a moving target and that Mega Punch is an inaccurate attack to begin with.

Long story short, why do you feel the need to have Ash execute complicated maneuvers in order to come out ahead when there's a simpler, more logical solution? I ask this because if you make Ash's Pokémon defy logic, the battle becomes harder to envision because it's suddenly less believable. The more you do that, the more we know who's going to win, so the battle ends up being less interesting to us.

In other words, don't try to push a Pokémon into suspending belief (by having one outrun a bolt of electricity, for example) for the sake of getting quickly to the ending you want. Instead, try to work within the rules of the world you're working with in order to come up with something exciting and easier to envision.

"Now Donphan, use Earthquake!" The ground begins to shake.

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How?

"This is one powerful Earthquake people. It shaking the entire stadium!"

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Rather than have the announcer describe the events of the battle, describe it yourself in detail. Show us the stadium being shaken up, the cracks lacing up the walls, the people screaming as they're getting tossed around, that sort of thing.

The announcer manages to say as he gets shaken around. Electrive is knocked all around the stadium and finally, knocked unconscious.

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This is what I meant above. You give Electivire no chance to attack, so the battle bends in Ash's favor, even if Donphan isn't supposed to be faster than most Electric-types. So, we know who's going to win, and the battle is, as a result, not as interesting.

"Donphan! No!" Ash yells. Donphan gets blown out of the hole and is unconscious.

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Another problem I have with this battle: Everything is essentially one-for-one. What I mean is that no Pokémon lasts longer than the next opponent. As in, so far, Ash knocks out a Pokémon, Gary knocks out Ash's Pokémon, Ash knocks out Gary's Pokémon, and so on and so forth. None of Ash's Pokémon lasts through more than one of Gary's Pokémon, and vice versa. This makes the battle even more predictable because it feels like every round will have only one outcome. Remember that even in the anime, this doesn't tend to happen. That way, we're left to guess who's going to be left standing because we don't know whether or not the active Pokémon would be knocked out in the next round.

(Yes, I know that by the end of the battle, the pattern's broken, but up until this point, it just feels incredibly predictable.)

"You deserve a rest. Alright lets do this, Sceptile" Ash throws his Poke' ball and Sceptile appears standing in a cool, calm, and collected manner.

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Another thing that rarely happens: Ash choosing his Pokémon according to type. If you notice from the anime, even if Ash has a Pokémon that can land super-effective hits against the opponent, his style tends to be to use Pokémon that deal neutral to non-effective hits. As in, he'd be more likely to send out Squirtle than he would Sceptile.

They clash but the Leaf Blade was to powerful

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To = preposition meaning something is done to something else, something is going towards someplace else, et cetera.
Too = adjective meaning "very" or "an abundance of."

You mean the second one here.

and an orb of white- blue light appears

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Where? And how?

and shoots bolts of light blue

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Light blue what? (Light blue is an adjective phrase. Something needs to come after it.

Sceptile disappears and reappears behind Blastoise.

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A gecko can outrun light?

Blastoise flinches.

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Fake Out only flinches Pokémon when it's used at the very beginning of the battle. As in, if you use it in the middle of the battle, it has no effect. This is because it works through deception, not just a hit. Hence the name.

Ash Ketchum's Sceptile is one of the few grass types that can create a Solarbeam at night using the rays of light reflecting of the moon… and it's a full moon!

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Okay, yeah, bending reality to benefit one side of a battle = not cool. Not only should this move logically fail (because moonlight is significantly weaker than sunlight), but even if it worked, it would most likely probably take a long time to charge because you'd have to be sitting around to gather the same amount of light as one would get if they'd fired this move in broad daylight.

If you had this happen, then Blastoise should definitely be given the opportunity to move. Unfortunately, as expected, it doesn't for whatever reason, despite the fact that Ash has been firing off moves to pull them out of tight situations left and right (such as the time when Donphan interrupted one move with another move).

Arcanine launches a flame in the shape of the Chinese symbol for "Big"

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Actually, it's Japanese.

Furthermore, because not everyone knows what the symbol of "big" looks like, it's better to actually get into detail about what the flames look like. In this case, just saying it looks like a five-point symbol would be sufficient.

Floatzel appears and lunges at Arcanine surrounding itself with water.

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Beware of misplaced modifiers. Because Arcanine is the last noun before the phrase "surrounding itself with water," you're actually implying that Arcanine is surrounding itself with water, not Floatzel.

Dawn says as she "pokes the bear".

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She did what now? (No, seriously. That is not a phrase I'm familiar with. Rather than using slang, try actually describing her tone and expression.)

Additionally, Dawn doesn't seem like the type who would want to poke fun at someone like Misty. Although she's a bit vain (from what I understand), she's also polite to people she considers friends.

As in, I feel as if you're about to make this into the typical "make characters OOC to bash them because they're in the way of my 'ship" kind of romance. Please don't do that.

Ash yells. Floatzel creates a massive wave

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Considering the fact that (we assume) this is a dry arena, you'll want to describe how he makes this wave, let alone one that covers the entire field.

"You done good.

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Did good. "Done good" is Southern slang. Stereotypical Southern slang – the kind you'd expect being used by hillbillies.

Both Charizard and Ludicolo continue to blast for what seemed to be an eternity. Finally, both Charizard and Ludicolo collapse from exhaustion.

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Well, that's rather anticlimactic. Usually, when two Pokémon are executing hit after hit, the anime simply has them pause to try to catch their breaths, rather than pass out.

That's another problem I have with this battle: everything seems to take two seconds. Pokémon are sent out, they execute about a paragraph of action, and then they faint. Remember, the battles are meant to be the most exciting points of a trainer story. Don't be afraid to draw them out.

Gary's Umbreon jumps down from the stadium lights.

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What was Umbreon doing hanging out in the lamps?

Ash's Pikachu appears from no where into the arena.

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…That's rather convenient. (Seriously, Pokémon don't appear from nowhere. You could have had Pikachu hanging out beside Ash, which it usually does during tournament battles anyway.)

"Yes… it will." whispers Delia Ketchum.

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Where did she come from? O_o

Lukespade said:

escapes the range of the attack.

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This is a bolt of electricity. O_o You'd need to be pretty far away to escape its range. As in, outside of the stadium.

"Alright Pikachu! Use everything you have in this final attack! THORON!"

"Umbreon you to! Black Armageddon!" Gary yells.

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I've always been uncomfortable with the idea of fan-created moves, particularly ones that essentially come off as moves meant to be the strongest ones ever. The reason why is because, frankly, we've got hundreds upon hundreds of moves, and these Pokémon have large movepools. It doesn't take too much effort to come up with a strategy that uses canon moves but gets the effect you want. For example, Umbreon learns Dark Pulse, and Pikachu learns Thunder and Discharge. You could go with those moves.

Likewise, deus ex machina like these tend to feel a little cheap. You have these moves literally be moves known by legendary Pokémon, and they're fired off in all their godly glory to finish off a battle because you want a showdown of these Pokémon's strongest moves (when the aforementioned ones apparently aren't strong enough). A Pokémon battle is, after all, about skill as well as power. You really don't need to come up with devastating moves that we know nothing about and give your Pokémon the power of the gods (literally) to make one exciting. It's more exciting if it's just the power of mortal Pokémon going at it.

Besides, seriously? Power of the gods? I would think that there'd be some serious consequences to using that kind of power.

Not to mention I don't think a Pokémon move would have names like "Thoron" and "Black Armageddon." Yeah, I'm sorry. It's a nitpick, but we're looking at a canon that thinks reusing the word "Thunder" for four different attacks is a perfectly awesome plan.

Gary and Ash were both bleeding profusely

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From what? Depending on the body part and the amount of blood pouring out of those wounds, those two may just be on the ground from shock right about now.

and Umbreon and Pikachu stood motionless, glaring at each other.

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…And the mortals that attempted to use the power of the gods are still standing?

"Wait!" yell Ash and Gary simultaneously. The medics stop in there tracks.

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There = place.
Their = possessive pronoun.

You want the latter.

Also, uh, they're bleeding profusely. Medics would probably not hesitate because there's a very good chance they could die from that.

Gary runs to Umbreon.

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And then collapses from blood loss?

"The match was amazing; I can hardly believe that you're the same kid that lost to me at the Pewter gym all those years ago." Brock smiles.

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Ash didn't lose to Brock. He did the first time around, yes, but he would have won the second time around if Brock's siblings hadn't interfered.

"That was the craziest battle I've ever seen! I'm so excited to start my first Poke'mon journey now!" Max screams while jumping around.

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Okay, back up. You said when you introduced Umbreon that it's been ten years since Gary first caught it as an Eevee, which in turn makes us assume that it's been ten years since Ash and Gary left Pallet Town. Even taking into consider logical time, Max wasn't that young when he accompanied Ash and May through Hoenn. You even imply here that the fic takes place in the future, so really, Max would probably be old enough to start his journey anyway.

"This was so worth the price of admission." Dawn yells.

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This is something Dawn would probably not say for two reasons:

1. Dawn is Ash's friend and would probably still watch his match to support him. She wouldn't doubt it's worth the price of admission, even if he lost.
2. None of Ash's friends seemed to pay admission to watch past tournaments. They just seemed to accompany him to get in essentially for free.

You come to Gary."

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Yeah, uh, you'll want to learn the difference between to, too, and (for that matter) two. It's the difference between telling people to go to Gary and stating that Gary can come along too.

Lukespade said:

He notices that the air bed that Gary was sleeping in was empty.

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Gary is from Pallet Town too. Why would he need to sleep in the Ketchum residence, let alone in his rival's room? One is led to believe you're trying to write Palletshipping here.

He leaves the room quietly so he doesn't wake Max.

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So… threesome?

he would always be here if we needed him." Gary quietly grieves. "But I guess that is a load of ****."

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Even if it was his grandfather, Gary's more of a down-to-earth sort of character. He's not one to swear, and he certainly isn't one to doubt his grandfather's words.

As in, what Ash says after this point is more like a Gary thing to say.

"Please Gary. Stop making theories and stop suspecting. It is going to destroy you."

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I'm sorry, but even if Ash grew up a little, I just can't help but feel as if this is a bit formal for him. He's avoiding using contractions (which is awkward), and the term "making theories" instead of clichés like "jumping to conclusions" just sounds a bit more intellectual than Ash, who normally is a fairly earthy, straightforward character.

All of a sudden a creature flies over the grave and stops to look at it for a moment and flies away as quickly as it came.

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I would recommend using commas in between each item like so:

Flies over the grave, stops to look at it for a moment, and flies away as quickly as it came.

It sounds awkward otherwise. Read this sentence aloud, and you might be able to see what I mean.

Gary turns around. "What are you looking at Ash?"

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Ash was behind him at this point. Unless Gary has eyes on the back of his head, I don't think he'd actually know that Ash was staring at anything other than Oak's grave.

Besides, isn't Gary walking away at this point? O_o

"We went to see Professor Oak." Ash says as he yawns. Brock nods and returns to his stew. "What time is it?" Brock looks at his watch.

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Remember how I mentioned that only the actions of the speaker should be in a dialogue paragraph? This is what I mean. In this paragraph, we can't tell who's asking what time it is because Brock's the one closest to the question. Basically speaking, it's like the misplaced modifier problem I mentioned earlier. Right now, you're saying that the one who's asking the question is Brock, not Ash.

In order to fix this, all you have to do is separate this paragraph into multiple, like so:

"We went to see Professor Oak," Ash says as he yawns.

Brock nods and returns to his stew.

Ash stretches. "What time is it?"

Notice how it's absolutely clear who's saying what? That's what you're gunning for because you want this to be very easy for a reader to go over and understand.

"Not quite everyone." Misty says as she chuckles and points into the room that the girls had slept in. May and Dawn were out cold on the floor.

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Sounds like the girls had more fun last night than the boys.

He starts to bang them together and makes a very annoying sound.

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Try to avoid using words like "very annoying" to describe something. Instead, tell us in specific details what the sound was like. Loud? Metallic? High-pitched? Our definition of "annoying" differs completely from yours, so you need to be specific and clear to help us understand just what you mean by that kind of phrase.

"Mr. Mime?" Dawn and May are still dead asleep.

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Continuing from the above note about dialogue, right now, you're implying that Dawn and May are the ones speaking here, even though they're fast asleep.

Pikachu hears this and jumps off the top of the television, where it was sleeping.

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Without waking up. Amazing.

Seriously, though, please don't just pull characters like Pikachu out of thin air when they're most convenient. Rather, have Pikachu follow Ash (which it would, given how close it is to Ash) or at least have it wake up sometime before Ash suddenly needs it. That way, its introduction seems less abrupt and convenient.

"Wow… I can't… believe… you've gotten hit… by this… so many times Ash… and your… still… not paralyzed." Gary says.

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I'd hate to say this, but I think after the first couple of times the ellipsis was abused, the joke really could have ended there. Now, it just feels like you're milking it.

"We plan to have it in six months at Tracey's lab. Right Tracey?"

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Ash just proposed the night before, and they already have a date? O_o Usually, decisions like that take time (unless, of course, you've decided to elope).

My brother is starting his journey so I'm needed by my family."

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Isn't Forrest (Yes, with two R's.) already a trainer, considering he's the Gym Leader of Pewter right now?

He opens the gate and walks in. He walks threw the crowd looking for someone. He sees a familiar face standing by a table. He seemed like he was getting annoyed by two girls. He walks up to them.

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Note: Starting successive sentences (as in, one sentence after another… only without awesome alliteration) tends to leave the narration dry and choppy. There's no variety, so it's like we're being forced along a path that essentially starts and stops. Basically speaking, it sounds like a laundry list of things he's doing.

Starting sentences like that (with the same word) is really only for emphasis, or moments when you really want to call attention to something. It's for building suspense because it has the quality of being disjointed (because the reader's eye isn't passed from one sentence to another with as much ease as they would if there was more sentence structure variety).

In other words, starting sentences off like that just has the tendency to produce a choppy feel, and it really shouldn't be done unless you're building suspense.

Also, threw = past tense of to throw. Through = direction. Unless your character picked people up and actually tossed them, you want "through."

In general, you really need to sort out homophones to avoid creating odd mental images.

You'll also want to be a bit more detailed. How was he getting annoyed by the two girls?

We know your 21!

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Gary's 21 what?

Your = possessive pronoun.
You're = contraction of "you are."

Can't you get us a little wine from the stand?" May plead to Gary.

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…May is your typical good girl. I don't think she'd actually be asking for alcohol if she's underage.

Also, while I realize you're not fond of May and Dawn, please don't put them in a fanfiction for the sole reason of bashing them. Far too many authors do it, and it's a bit insulting to the people who actually like those characters. (I'm rather indifferent, but I know I wouldn't like having my favorite characters be portrayed as lazy, annoying stereotypical teenagers. Unless, of course, they were, and I don't think May and Dawn would be, even a few years after the anime.)

don't you take of that hood?"

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Of that what?

Of = preposition, usually indicating possession.
Off = preposition, opposite of "on."

"Here? In the open? Where everyone can see?" Seth whispers to Gary.

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I'm inclined to agree. Seth has a rare Pokémon. Tracey is a Pokémon researcher at this point, and one of the implied duties of a researcher is to protect Pokémon. It seems odd that Tracey would suggest that Seth have a battle with his rare Pokémon at a party (i.e., where numerous people could be injured and the Pokémon could be exposed).

"Oh yeah! That's right! Seth didn't start when he was ten he waited five years."

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This is another thing I'm always wary about. It's a cliché in this fandom to have a trainer start out late, actually, and it's usually done for no apparent reason (or worse, because the author believed that ten was a ridiculous age for obtaining a trainer's license). Usually, you'll need a very good reason for having your character start out late. Otherwise, you run at a risk of coming off a little like this.

Or, to quote it for the sake of those of us who don't want to click:



Now, I'm not just quoting for the sake of quoting. I'm just quoting for the sake of pointing out something I agree with. If you do it for no reason, you've got to explain around the fact that canonically (especially in the anime, in which the minimum age for a trainer's license was explicitly stated more than once and three of the main characters are stated as being ten when they're introduced), the minimum age for a license is ten. If you have a reason but do it for the typical "I didn't think I was ready," you've still got to answer to canon, given the fact that the world's loaded with people who started at ten. If you have a reason but do it for the typical "I wanted to study first," then, well, your trainer's going to get his rear handed to him by twelve-year-olds who have been trainers for two years.

Long story short, why did Seth wait? And please make it a good reason.

"That's a Master Ball!" Ash yells in disbelief.

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I'm really hoping there's a good reason why a new trainer has the rarest and best Poké Ball in existence.

"Mew!"

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….

A legendary. A god of the Pokémon world. The rumored ancestor of all Pokémon. To a beginning trainer.

What.

No, seriously. There's an unwritten rule with Pokémon fanfiction, and that's basically:

Never give your beginning trainers a legendary Pokémon for a starter.

There's a few reasons why:

1. Legendary Pokémon are gods. They're essentially the stuff of mythology. One-of-a-kind or nearly one-of-a-kind creatures meant to be guardians of nature. Capturing one either strikes down their power or elevates the power of the trainer to obscene levels. In other words, having one is a lot like slapping a collar on Zeus and making him your *****. It just doesn't work.

2. On that note, in the anime, if a legendary is captured, it usually means someone's gonna die from a catastrophe sometime soon. Seriously. The movies.

3. On that note, if a trainer manages to tame one (either by befriending them or having power levels akin to Chuck Norris), it usually means that the trainer's headed straight down Gary Stu Land. Gary Stu Land is a lot like character Hell. It's not a pleasant place to be because your story is taken a lot less seriously (because they usually bend reality for the sake of being awesome). Having a Gary Stu usually means that your story will end up full of clichés, if we don't just predict the ending and wait for your character to go save the world. Just like every other trainer Stu before him.

In other words, yeah, you'll want to be very careful about this kind of thing.

I, personally, am incredibly uncomfortable with this story at this point, and I may submit to an urge to MST3K it. Apologies in advance.

Lukespade said:

Tracey smirks,

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…When did Tracey become a smug jerk?

"H-how is it possible?" Misty gasps.

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My sentiments exactly.

"I told you guys you wouldn't believe me if I told you what kind of Poke'mon the new trainer was going to have." Tracey says still smirking.

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I repeat. Tracey is not a smug jerk. He hasn't, for example, told the entire world that he's encountered Lugia and knows Shamouti Island's Chosen One on a first-name basis. I'm not sure why he would want to let this many people know that someone he knows caught Mew.

"I found Mew hurt in the forest.

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Oh dear. Not only are you going with the "giving the OT a legendary Pokémon" cliché, but you're also going with the "he got his starter by finding it hurt by the side of the road" trope.

Also, it's rather convenient that he just happened to find an injured legendary that didn't object at all to being captured.

"The area around where we live is inhabited by very strong Poke'mon.

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So his father didn't capture a Pokémon for Seth or do a little breeding?

"MEW!" Seth runs to his Poke'mon and picks it up from the ground. Mew is breathing hard and whimpering.

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Continuing from my note about boosting the trainer: Or, alternatively, if the legendary is easily defeated, then that pretty much boosts the opponent's power to insane levels.

Honestly, why did Seth's starter have to be Mew, rather than any of the seventeen non-legendary basic-level Pokémon? Is there any specific reason (preferably none that have to do with Seth being part of a prophecy)?

"Its going

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Its what?

Its = possessive.
It's = contraction for "it is."

it was much stronger then that.

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Then = word referring to time.
Than = comparison word.

It was uncatchable.

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Uncatachable is not actually a word. You could avoid this by saying something along the lines of "I couldn't catch it."

"Actually Ash, that Mew is just a baby."

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And Seth's starter just got rarer.

I'm faintly surprised he hasn't suffered through at least fifteen attempted muggings so far.

"Hello everybody, my name is Giovanni."

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"Hi, Dr. Nick!"

Joking aside, Giovanni usually remains behind the scenes unless his plans seriously screw up. Otherwise, he usually has one of his officers deal with it. In this case, I'm surprised he didn't send Domino in his place. After all, in a place full of trainers – one of which is the world champion – things could get rather dangerous. It doesn't really make sense that he would send himself into a potentially messy situation.

Giovanni reaches into his jacket and pulls out a pistol and points it to Ash's head.

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Another thing that's rather unlike Giovanni: he doesn't normally use weapons. He could, but really, he simply has his grunts or Pokémon take care of the dirty work.

Suddenly, there is a flash of light and Seth is holding a katana to Giovanni's throat. The pistol was cut in half and the bullets spilled out.

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…What.

First off, swords as thin as the katana do not cut pistols in half. I'm sorry, but they don't. They'd probably break.

Second, we've got a fifteen-year-old uber-cool trainer with a baby legendary starter, psychic powers, and the ability to pull a katana out of thin air and threaten an underworld lord with it without getting riddled with bullets.

Yeah, gonna have to say this sounds a lot like a Stu.



I'm at the end of a chapter, and I have to say I think I'm going to have to stop. I'm sorry, but there's just a lot of work that needs to be done here.

First off, yes, get a beta reader. There's an abundance of grammatical errors here, many of which would probably be better straightened out by someone working closely with you. We've got a beta service here, and I've already given you a set of guides to help you with punctuation. I would also suggest familiarizing yourself with the definitions of commonly confused homophones because, like punctuation oddities, you seem to trip up on those a lot.

Second, as I've said before, Seth is going down the road to becoming a Gary Stu. He bends reality (almost literally for the sake of the katana stunt) in order to seem a bit more awesome, and I will tell you right now that creating Stus like that will probably make it extremely difficult for a patient and experienced reader (read: someone who's been at fanfiction for a long time) to take seriously. Add this to the fact that Seth seems to accumulate Stu and general new-trainer clichés, and you've got one big reason why I'm reluctant to go further.

Not to mention Stus usually aren't interesting. You've got all that power, so it's sort of expected for you to save the day, rather than muddle through it because of all sorts of problems cropping up. I would suggest really thinking about Seth and considering toning him down, pulling him back so he doesn't have an answer to every situation and doesn't seem like he's trying to be the god of awesome.

That's another thing. Don't bend reality – especially in battles – for the favor of your characters. Have them work for a solution. If you have every problem end with a deus ex machina (like the katana stunt or even the championship battle), then the story seems predictable and harder to take seriously. Pretty much, it's the same thing as creating a general Gary Stu. Bend reality, and we're not wowed by the power of your characters. We're just predicting how long it'll take for your characters to win, which really takes away from the suspense of a story to begin with.

Also, details. We need more of them. What things look like, how Pokémon react – anything. Pokémon moves really shouldn't be one line of vague description, as I've said before. Give us details and make the Pokémon seem like living beings reacting to each move, rather than robots that are just there to battle. Remember, Pokémon are living beings, and their attacks are magic. Treat them as such, and you'll have a more interesting battle.

Finally, be careful about canon characters. You write about a lot of them, and some of them just don't seem like they're in character (like Tracey). Remember that these are the characters people will be familiar with. You'll want to be accurate so we can recognize them and so you don't insult the fans of the characters you're using. Try Bulbapedia if you want to get more of an idea of what kinds of people you're working with.

Overall, it was readable, but I really think you need to sit down and work on it.

well...

people ive fouled up prety bad on this fic. its my first but there are some major problems and i shouldve have strted wit sometin easier. i want ur input. i have a new idea (much easier to write and probably more succesful) but ive noticed that each new post does have about the same amount of views. i want u all to message or post me if u want me to continue or not. if so ill continue and jst u know... do better. if not i will strt a whole new fic completely different from this one. PLEASE MESSAGE OR POST!!!!

Actually, it's Japanese.

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Actually, Japanese writing is taken straight from the Chinese system (well, the kanji are), so words like big, small, river, human, tree etc. are the same in both languages. They're pronounced differently, but written with the same symbol. So, technically, lukespade wasn't wrong here.

As for continuing this fic:
Lukespade.
Never leave a story unfinished.
You shouldn't care even if everyone in this world hated it. You should write your fic, even if no-one reads this, because you're really writing for yourself, not for us. If you have some minor problems in your story, you shouldn't just stop writing and make up a new one. You have to overcome those problems! You know, fix all your spelling mistakes, now matter how annoying it is, modify Seth to be a bit less powerful, maybe give him a Gible or something instead of Mew. If the Mew is important, then you'll have to keep it in the story, but still I think you should finish this.

After you've finished it, you can be proud of yourself. You'll be a slightly better, wiser, and more experienced writer then. You can only get better if you practice.

Don't abandon this fic if you like it yourself. Don't abandon this because it has problems and is hard to write. Don't abandon this because people give you hard reviews. Instead, do what people suggest, fix the problems and face the challenge. You can only get better.

You know, my first fic never got any reviews at all. There were many times when I thought about letting it be because no-one was interested. it had to be bad, right? But I liked my characters! I decided to finish the fic anyway, and guess what? A person thanked me for it. "People usually don't finish their fics, so I was really happy you did."

Finish this, Lukespade. That's all I have to say.

Don't leave something unfinished. Trust me, it will haunt you forever.

Besides fear of haunting, you should finish it so that your skills develop. It would be pointless to start a new fiction without trying to improve your writing past where it is now, otherwise you will feel the same about this new fic that you feel about this one.

Incidentally, I also haunt writers who give up on their fictions. (Note to anyone thinking I'm a hypocrite: I haven't given up, I just have horrible writer's block.) So if you don't want me to appear in your nightmares in conjunction with your unfinished fiction, then I suggest you finish it =P

hmmmm

these are good points. i guess i could finish it. tell u what ill rewrite it and show it to some other people... probably make the base story line a little less massive, however ill post my new fic on this site. wen i finish Rise of a Legend ill post it again. thnx guys u really helped

So, you're going to stop posting in this thread?
In that case, ask Astinus to lock it or something.