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The Beauty Of Feebas

Levity-Adam

Aipom rocks my socks!
25
Posts
15
Years
    • Seen Dec 10, 2008
    The Beauty Of Feebas

    It's frowning face and tortured fin,
    has this Pokemon carried a befouled sin?
    Nay!
    What it carries is something so pure,
    the beauty within is what Trainers lure.
    With eyes that gleam so crystal clear,
    It's see's within what we most fear...
    The fear of a beautiful Feebas.​

    FeebasNormalSprite.gif

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    This is the first Pokemon related poetry I have ever written. Please give me some constructive criticism to help me get better!
     

    Rey Lewis 55

    Baltimore Ravens Fan
    79
    Posts
    15
    Years
    • Hey there, this is a nice poem you got here, but just to make sure, you have a great rhyming area in your head but make sure to put it in the right area.

    EDIT: Sorry about that, I must of forgot Anstinus made it a peom area also.
     

    Levity-Adam

    Aipom rocks my socks!
    25
    Posts
    15
    Years
    • Seen Dec 10, 2008
    Thanks for the comment!
    A bit confused by what you mean...
    Do you mean I have good rhymes but use then in the wrong places?
     

    Renneh

    I know A Bot
    224
    Posts
    15
    Years
    • Seen Mar 14, 2009
    Lovely poem =) So nice to see someone who knows Feebas is beautiful.

    I have a issue with these lines:

    the beauty within is what Trainers lure.

    ^ Is that supposed to mean that the beauty within lures trainers?

    With eyes that gleam so crystal clear,
    It's see's within what we most fear...

    Does the last line mean that we see the beauty that we most fear? Or Feebas sees what we most fear? The apostrophes confuse me a little there ^_^
     

    Levity-Adam

    Aipom rocks my socks!
    25
    Posts
    15
    Years
    • Seen Dec 10, 2008
    Renneh said:
    Lovely poem =) So nice to see someone who knows Feebas is beautiful.

    I have a issue with these lines:

    the beauty within is what Trainers lure.

    ^ Is that supposed to mean that the beauty within lures trainers?

    With eyes that gleam so crystal clear,
    It's see's within what we most fear...

    Does the last line mean that we see the beauty that we most fear? Or Feebas sees what we most fear? The apostrophes confuse me a little there ^_^
    Click to expand...

    Sorry about the lagging reply...
    'The beauty within is what trainers lure'. In this line I mean that Trainers want a feebas because of it's inner beauty, thus 'luring' them.
    'It see's within what we most fear'.This line means that Feebas see' what the trainer fears.
    Sorry if my poem wasn't clear enough, I'll work at a better one in the near future!
    Thanks for commenting though!
     
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