By indent, we mean pressing "Enter" twice. Many of the points I was going to say were covered by frosty, but I'll still have a shot at some constructive criticism seeing how you like it so much. :D
First thing: What the **** do these people look like?! Sorry, but you gave absolutely zilch description of the people themselves, and saved it all for the scenery (which you did quite well). For all I knew, they were just blobs of nothingness waiting to be moulded into human beings.
Second thing: There does seem to be a **** of a lot of dialogue. The fic should be balanced between description and dialogue, but speech does seem to take up the majority of this fic - and that worries me a bit.
Well, now for your good points:
It's definitely better than your chain stories, since it actually features description and gives the readers an understanding of what they're reading.
The flow of the story is quite good, and if you could improve on the length, and shorten the speech a bit, then it could work well with the storyline so far.
On the whole, it does seem extremely predictable, but you'll probably change it... so... meh. Keep it up I suppose :D.