A sad Poem

Started by Jesus Freak Josh August 30th, 2004 4:23 AM
  • 529 views
  • 2 replies

Jesus Freak Josh

In my mind's eye, I see You...

127.0.0.1
Seen May 26th, 2022
Posted October 13th, 2009
2,968 posts
19.1 Years
OK, this is a sad poem I made. :(
It is a true story. It happened to our close friends.
Please read.

I stood still on the fateful day of July 29th at 10 to ten,
Everyone in the room was silent as Annabel slowly breathed.
I had gotten out of school to see a baby with purple skin,
She had no brain, and I was feeling pins.
Pins of sorrow, pins of pain.
Annabel had no brain,
She was not plain.
I went back to school at half past 10 and went back to work.

Near lunch I was called back to the hospital near lunch time,
Eventually the clock made a chime,
Annabel had died.
Everyone was sad, I tried to keep tears rolling down my face.
Bethany, the sister, was the only one confused.
"When can we take my baby home?" she asked.
"We can't sweetie!" her mum replied. "She is with Jesus!"
We were sitting there for ages. Eventually I looked at my sister Sus.
She was sad too,
How could I ignore it?
The baby would never say moo!

A few weeks after, I was at group,
Bethany's mum was teaching me.
"What corinthians means!" she explained,
"Is that everyone will be whole on the last day!"
"So Annabel will have a brain!"
This made me feel better about the pain,
I know one day, I will find her in heaven with God.
You're here for a reason you're not a mistake
You are a special creation that God himself made

- KJ-52

Save yourself a few seconds. Call me Josh
Age 31
Tennesse -_-
Seen September 28th, 2013
Posted May 23rd, 2005
828 posts
19.7 Years
It's a very moving poem... Very upsetting. I cannot imagine what the scene must've been like. I myself have trouble coping with situations and generally seem desensitized... Though, with the poem I have a few corrections. The opening is beautiful, but around the fifth phrase you start to rhyme. If a poem doesn't start as a rhyme, then don't add in rhyming words. I promise I'm not being smart alecky but it's just a bit of constructive criticism. "Corinthians" should be capitalized as it is a proper name in any society and a few transitional verbs wouldn't be bad. Nevertheless, I really enjoyed the poem itself. Very much a diamond in the rough.

Rogue: "What am I going to do with you Remy LeBeau?"
Gambit: "I have a list, but I left it in my other pants."
-- Astonishing X-Men #1

Rogue + Gambit
The Mississipian and the Lousianian Cajan, too cute together


--The Daily Post, the Xanga of Blaine--
Age 35
Band room
Seen December 26th, 2005
Posted November 10th, 2004
329 posts
18.8 Years
0_0 yeah sad..not terribly verbose. Kind of straight to the point,but some things need to be said that way. especially when youre dealing with events such as that. ;_;
"We must carry war into every corner the enemy happens to carry it, to his home, to his centers of entertainment:a total war. It is neccesary to prevent him from having a moment of peace, a quiet moment outside his barracks or even inside; we must attack him wherever he may be, make him feel like a cornered beast wherever he may move. then his moral fiber shall begin to decline, but we shall notice how signs of decadence begin to disappear."- Che Guevara

"shoot, coward, you are only going to kill a man"-Ernesto "Che" Guevara