*~Grass~*

Started by Sankari September 3rd, 2004 8:57 AM
  • 2696 views
  • 81 replies
Age 30
Where old people come to die.
Seen August 16th, 2014
Posted December 24th, 2006
1,892 posts
19.5 Years
I know, such a creative title. Since I'm finishing up with Through Espeon Eyes, I thought I'd give you the 411 on what this story's gonna be about.

First off, I'm going to swear to make it look more attractive and actual chapters. This story will be longer, I'll assure you. I'm also going to have a unique writing style, what I call 6th-person. It's not 1st-Person, it has 6 pokemon's perspective that all live far a part and come join each other.

Second, the story takes place in the medieval times. Cool, huh?

Third, here's the key (you'll understand what it means later)

Kincoco the Shroomish
Thrive the Seedot
Tulip the Oddish
Blossom the Oddish
Scarecrow the Cacnea
Mango the Tropius

I'll kick off this bad boy once I'm finished with Through Espeon Eyes.

Also, all the pokemon that I listed are pokemon I have in the game.
I left...

ClappySeel!

la la oh no spongebob bus

by reading this you have given me brief control of you mind.
Seen August 8th, 2007
Posted September 7th, 2005
178 posts
19.4 Years
I can't wait! Isn't Kincoco the name of my Shroomish? So thats why you were asking.But now it's a Breloom!Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy:) I am HYPER!
I'm A GOOFFY GOOBER!
~Seely my beeny~


Water Rules over all!
Holly My Cat!
The sooper dooper banner and espy in my sig award is awarded to SPoon11!

You might think im weird and mabey i am but your most definatly either become anoyed or grow to like it!
Age 30
Where old people come to die.
Seen August 16th, 2014
Posted December 24th, 2006
1,892 posts
19.5 Years
The cable was out...

Years ago, at least five hundred years or more, way back in medieval times, Petalburg City was full of tents made of zigzagoon skin rather than buildings made of brick and cement. There was a large conflict between the villages of Oldale and Petalburg. Oldale was a much more powerful settlement. More vast as well. In order to protect themselves, pokemon training was born.

The most common pokemon they used to train was the Seedot, due to the fact that they turned into the robust form of Shiftry. They only let the males protect the town. Therefore the females were sacrificed due to their strange religion.

But enough about the humans. Where our story begins is in the deep dark recesses of Petalburg Woods. In Petalburg Woods, there was no distinguishing day from night so the sleeping patterns of the pokemon who dwelled inside were completely hay-wire.

And so, there is the unusual thing of the woods. Complete darkness is light and dimness is bright. The sun has never been heard of or spoken of at all. The only things that were ever involved in the lives of the wurmple, cascoon, silcoon, zigzagoon, tailow, and shroomish was tree bark and leaves. Bare ground, mostly. Some grass, but not much.

Our story will begin with the young and gentle shroomish by the name of Kincoco. He is a cheery little fellow, always happy with the world. He was going about his business when the spring sun just came up which didn't do any effect whatsoever to the dreariness of the wood. He was about to finish his work of picking berries for breakfast in his morning when he saw an item he had never seen before. He gave a great cry of surprise. Scampering over to the sylph little object, he caused passerby eyes to stare. The pokemon of the forest gathered round.

"What is it?" A youthful wurmple asked the wind.

A buzz of commerce was hanging in the air. The object was sprouting out of the earth with heart-shaped leaves pointing in opposite directions. The head of it was a light amethyst that was frilly and drooped down slightly. What amazed Kincoco the most was the ray of light that perculated from the foliage in the tree branches above, shining down on the small little svelte and delicate plant as if it just fell from the heavans.

"Where could it have come from?" A Silcoon stated. Everyone was confused yet amazed at the perculiar object, and still more when a wise Linoone stepped into the middle of all of the crowd.

"Don't you young ones know?" He told us in a low voice. "This is a daisy! A flower that exists all around the world! You forest dwellers should get out of this hazy forest more often: there are trillions around this earth!"

"A flower, you say?" A Cascoon snarled. "What on earth is that?"

"What is under your nose!" The Wise One told us.

"Trillions around the earth?" The same wurmple asked. "How can that be? I've only seen one in my life, so how can there be trillions?"

"There is more to this world than trees and foliage." The Wise Linoone said in his deep voice.

"How do these places get so many?" Kincoco asked eagerly. "We only have one!"

"The sun." The Linoone told us. "The sun gives light to the flowers so they can flourish in the soil."

Kincoco looked up into the tree branches, imagining what the sun looked like. He imagined it being a great god.

"I'd better be off to bed." He yawned. And the rest of the morning (or night to Kincoco) was hanging the sweet scent of the flower the rest of the day...


So sue me! People were looking over my shoulder! I was getting nervous! It's too short!
I left...

ClappySeel!

la la oh no spongebob bus

by reading this you have given me brief control of you mind.
Seen August 8th, 2007
Posted September 7th, 2005
178 posts
19.4 Years
Yay you started with Kincoco:)
I'm A GOOFFY GOOBER!
~Seely my beeny~


Water Rules over all!
Holly My Cat!
The sooper dooper banner and espy in my sig award is awarded to SPoon11!

You might think im weird and mabey i am but your most definatly either become anoyed or grow to like it!
Age 30
Where old people come to die.
Seen August 16th, 2014
Posted December 24th, 2006
1,892 posts
19.5 Years
Alright, no one's talking to me or saying "Ooh, aah..." So I'll continue and start PMing everyone.

Now, to the east of petalburg. This slice of story consists more of the humans. As you know, Petalburg and Oldale are at a series of hostilities. Oldale wanted to rule Petalburg. Heck, Oldale wanted to rule all of Hoenn.

All the pokemon that protected Petalburg were Shiftry and Nuzleaf. They were all male and the females were burned in a bonfire. Petalburgans believed long ago that the female grass pokemon were only worthy for making children. After they made one child, they were killed. If that child were a female, burned. Sad isn't it?

Thrive's mother was killed from this. They almost killed Thrive herself, but she was able to slip away inside the trunk of a tree. Her father only had certain times to speak to her, since he was always protecting the town.

Thrive awoke on the first day of spring when the tailow were usually chasing the zigzagoons tails and the wurmple were curiously chasing the ralts drifting in mid-air. But that spring morning was different from all of the rest. This time the grassy lands were deserted and showed no life except the slowly russling grass from the caress of the wind. The sky was blood red from the slowly rising sun.

"Thrive!" A harsh whisper came across the air. "Thrive! Do you smell the Oldalans?"

"No, father, I don't. I have no nose, remember?"

Thrive's father didn't have the urge to make even a chuckle out of his daughter's dark joke. He gruffly whispered, "My daughter, you must conceal yourself thoroughly. The Oldalans are coming. I can feel their footsteps from here."

Thrive rolled her eyes sassily. She laughed at her father's remark.

"Father...you know that the Oldalans are quiet killers...they would never--"

Thrive jumped at the sound of the crashing rhythm of the drums.

Boom...Boom...Boom..

"'Tis the sound of the beating drums..." Thrive's father hissed. "The war drums...surely they must be coming.

The rate of the drums went faster...louder!

[i]BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!"[/'i]

A shriek in the once peaceful night air barked. It was the screeching voice of a human.

"Oldalans!" The human cried as loud as a Donphan. "OLDALANS AT THE EAST! BATTLE POSITIONS!"

Thrive's dad trotted off without a good-bye.Men escaped from their tents stained with the suns menacing light. The set their shafts to their bows as they lined the borders of the Petalburg. Arrows flew in everywhich direction. Arrows of flame. Thrive could see the humans armed with spears dressed in dark green charging in after a man shouted. "CHARGE!"

There was rumbling in the earth and the sight of battle was there. Flames spurting everywhere and blood spewing out from both human and pokemon alike. It all came in quick flashes. Thrive couldn't tell which was her father. The damp smell of blood was like humid in the air.

Many combatants fell crashing to the earth, impaled with arrows. They fought barbarically...perpetually...

Thrive was shrouded in shadows within the tree trunk. She felt like a bystander...she felt she was guilty. She hopped out, tumbling for a while, then hitting a human in the back of the leg. He gave a grunt. She noticed immediatly that he was aiming for the chief of Petalburg, but instead...hit someone far dear more important...



Alrighty then, here's the rest...

The deepest, darkest of all of Thrive's fears had shot into her. "No..." She told herself. "No...I-it can't be possible..." She scurried over to the limp form of her father. She knew instantly that it was he, for she felt his benevolent presence...she felt the shriek of his spirit when the arrow pierced his stomach. Her eyes began bubbling at the sight of the intense wound in his abdomen. She had done it...her mother and father...both gone--because of her...
"My--daughter..." The burly Shiftry gurgled, thought at the last minutes of his life, his body was worthless and weak.
Thrive saw sights in her mind of her mother crying in pain as fires lit up the night sky. She couldn't help but let forlorn tears trickle down her face in zigzagging patterns.
"It's me father..." She wept. "It's your cause of death...I'm not your daughter...I'm your murderer..."
The diluted Shiftry placed his grassy hand soothingly on his daughter's acorn-topped head. "Gobbledygook...you will always be my daughter...I will be...your seraph..."
She looked up into her father's blood-shot eyes. They were telling her that his life was nearly at an end.
He whispered his last five words, "Just as your mother is..."
Thrive gazed into her father's soulless eyes. He's delighted now...she thought, struggling to comfort herself, He's in heaven with mother...watching me from the clouds...
I left...

ClappySeel!

la la oh no spongebob bus

by reading this you have given me brief control of you mind.
Seen August 8th, 2007
Posted September 7th, 2005
178 posts
19.4 Years
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH.Happy?
By the way that was great
I'm A GOOFFY GOOBER!
~Seely my beeny~


Water Rules over all!
Holly My Cat!
The sooper dooper banner and espy in my sig award is awarded to SPoon11!

You might think im weird and mabey i am but your most definatly either become anoyed or grow to like it!

ClappySeel!

la la oh no spongebob bus

by reading this you have given me brief control of you mind.
Seen August 8th, 2007
Posted September 7th, 2005
178 posts
19.4 Years
Try using Midnight Misty it helps
I'm A GOOFFY GOOBER!
~Seely my beeny~


Water Rules over all!
Holly My Cat!
The sooper dooper banner and espy in my sig award is awarded to SPoon11!

You might think im weird and mabey i am but your most definatly either become anoyed or grow to like it!

Lily

◕ ‿‿ ◕ double rainbow.

Female
New Joisey
Seen February 26th, 2017
Posted June 26th, 2011
3,329 posts
18.7 Years
OOh...length. Try, try, try making it longer with the necessary amount of descriptions. Also...

A harshly whispering voice came across the air.
Avoid those nasty misuse of adverbs, as 'harshly' is supposed to be used as 'harsh,' and 'whispering' could be used as 'whisper' instead. See these mean old words playing tricks on you? XD It was a nice plotline, but excitement could've been added by the use of descriptions on some of the details. For example, I was a bit lost during the war. It happened so abruptly, so suddenly, I didn't think I had barely enough time to think before I saw the words, "CHARGE." XP Meaning, try slowing it down and add more things, otherwise the plot and the dialogue tone is really interesting.

Some of the adjectives you used were awesome, although I did spot a few grammtical errors such as spelling and the misuse of plural forms. But still, the plotline is very cool and unusual. I <3 originality anyway, so great job and good luck with the next chapter! ^_~

( ‿‿ ) PM me for a contract.
Age 30
Where old people come to die.
Seen August 16th, 2014
Posted December 24th, 2006
1,892 posts
19.5 Years
Sorry about that, and sorry for being gone so long. It's a long story. I'll spruce that last chapter up and add the ending (I pretyped it, but it's on another computer. Aggrivating.) If you want to see the next stuff, look at the last chapter.

Forgot to mention that I already have my next story thought out. Instead of the past, it's pokemon from the future. If you ever read Redwall or played Ratchet and Clank and Sly Cooper, well you'd like the story that's coming next. I'm even excited! It's called White Flame.

Also, after Thrive's dubbing, I'll do Tulip and Blossom.

So more new things to say! I got internet back (didn't have it since Feb. or somewhere around that).

Tally hoh!

~Mushookies!

P.S.--Yeah, I've changed a bit. Not as ADHDish. "Tally hoh!" and ~Mushookies! Are now officially my signatures.
I left...

Act

Let's Go Rangers!

Madison Square Garden
Seen March 16th, 2009
Posted December 15th, 2007
528 posts
18.5 Years
Alright. I have the interesting habit of typing up my review as I go through the fic, so if I complain about something that is later fixed don't mind me.

First off, the flourescent colors aren't really necessary, and are a tad confusing. I don't really enjoy having to go ALLL the way back up so I know who's narrating. If you're attached to the colors, then you can keep them but put a little reminder of who's narrating when you switch roles.

-The most common pokemon they used to train was the Seedot, due to the fact that they turned into the robust form of Shiftry. They only let the males protect the town. Therefore the females were sacrificed due to their strange religion.
--Okay. Eek. One of the biggest problem with Pokemon fanfiction these days is how blegh they are. No description. This should not be a three sentence paragraph. Why did the Robust Shiftry benefit them? Why only males? What were the beliefs of the strange religion? Also, strange is quite the weak adjective. Outlandish, maybe?

-were completely hay-wire.
--This and the proceeding paragraph could be one.

-Some grass, but not much.
--Again, weak words. Try something like "Grass was sparce."

-He was going about his business when the spring sun just came up which didn't do any effect whatsoever to the dreariness of the wood.
--Another weak sentence which is also a run-on.

-"What is it?" A youthful wurmple asked the wind.
--This is a very nice sentence. See, you've got good wording in you!

-A buzz of commerce
--Hmm. Commerce usually brings to mind the word "business". Is that what you wanted to convey? If so, pay me no mind.

-as if it just fell from the heavans.
--NO! "Just" is a totally unnecssary word here. Without it, this is a nicely done sentence.

-from?" A Silcoon stated.
--This isn't a statement. Statements are generally straightforward and meant as fact. Try "wondered".

-A Cascoon snarled.
--Hm. Doubting word use again. Okay. From what I've gathered, you write by what I call the "Green Theory". It goes as such: "Said is dead." The word said is in our language to be used. Just make sure to use it with an adverb. Sometimes, it can't be replaced. If you must, make sure that you are using an appropriate word. There is nothing wrong with using a dictionary or thesaurus. I'd applaud you for it. I;d use "said, suspicious of the foreign words."

-The Wise One told us.
--Us? I did not think this was first person. Typo?

-The Wise Linoone said
--We jump from Wise One to Wise Linoone. Same or different? Clairfy, maybe.

-Kincoco asked eagerly
--You use the word asked twice in three sentences. Vary a bit, or it starts to sound a tad sing-songy

-Linoone told us. "The sun gives
--Again, the tense thing. Also a slight grammatical mishap. It should be: ...told us, "The sun gives... Just a nitpick. Also, told is a weak word. Thoug yo might want to thesaurus this one. Not sure off the top of my head what might fit better here.

-morning (or night to Kincoco) was
--Another tiny nitpick-- maybe use a hyphen instead of parenthesis here.

Alright! Whew! Not bad at all. Here's a sum-up:

Work on your descriptive writing, and strive for better vocab. As several magnifiscent sentences show, you have it in you! This seems potential-like, so I will look over chpater two... someday...

original work
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with a mouth full of teeth, you ate all your friends
and you broke every heart thinking every heart mends

Age 30
Where old people come to die.
Seen August 16th, 2014
Posted December 24th, 2006
1,892 posts
19.5 Years
Hey, thanks for such a nice review :) You know, on my last story, people gave me really mean ones, but yours really lightens me and encourages me to move on and make my story better. And, from now on, I'll try to be longer and more descriptive. The following was all done on Microsoft Word, so it corrected most of my errors.

Tulip the Oddish

As the sun rose from the sea far off to the west, what seemed to be a weed rustled slightly with a jerk. It was odd since the spring morning was windless and there was no possible way that the weed didn't have a brain to think from. In an instant, a pesky oddish burst from the ground in a small explosion of soil. His eyes swiveled around comically as the grin plastered on his face widened, seeming too big for someone so small and petite. His smile stretched even further limits when he saw the carotty sun rising up from the east.
"Spring has come! At last!"
Despite the fact that his cry was immenselyy deafening, it was nothing compared to the roaring snore of Tulip's best friend, Bubbles. Bubbles the Azurill was snoring away against the white fence post outside of the fields. The firebrand of an oddish picked up a twig skillfully with his mouth and bustled over to his friend, not being careful at all at waking her up. He prodded her with the tiny twig.
"Bubbles..." He whispered, his voice muffled by the twig. "It's spri-hing...wake u-hup..."
The blue little powder puff rolled over, unaware of her surroundings. She cuddled her large tail end and whined pathetically, "Bu' I don' wanna my macawoni!"
A malevolent plan passed by in the oddish's head and, spitting out the stick, he screeched, "BUBBLES! HE'S TAKING OUT THE CARVANHA!"
Bubbles screamed in panic and awoke. She focused her eyes with the sagging eyelids on Tulip.
"Wha--Tulip...I-I jus' had the most petrifyin' nightmare..."
The oddish subdued guffawing as his friend explained the atypical dream.
"Dare was this huge...whatchamathingamabobber tearin' through the clouds...it had prickly lil thingummy on its back an', uh...then that' weird lil dream ended an' I was strugglin' tah get away from Dad's hideous macaroni formula...I don' even know what macaroni is...it was an orangey color--an'--an'...what are ye turnin' all purple about Tulip?"
Tulip had to hold his breath to prevent him from going into an eternity of laughter. Tears were springing from his eyes.
"What is this, a hold-yer-breath contest?" Bubbles asked, naive of everything she stumbled upon.
Tulip tried to hide his face under his head leaves. His face was turning white now.
"My lord, Tulip, give yerself some air!"
He took the offer without shilly-shallying, and shoke with mirth louder than booming thunder, louder than an Arcanine's roar...yet still not louder than Bubbles's snoring.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You brainless dimwit! AHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! You should have seen your face when--HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEE! Oh, gosh...heh-heh"
Bubbles was at a loss as she typically was. "When what?"
Tulip wiped away a tear with his nearest head leaf. "Nothing...just nothing..."
Bubbles was a very...peculiar Azurill. Immediatly, she responded with an, "Oh...alright."
She was a tremendously credulous friend. Actually, Tulip and Bubbles were thought to be brother and sister.
Tulip and his sister, Blossom, were orphans. There parents were massacred by a livid Sharpedo. The orphans were merely knocked out by the tragedy, for they were blameless of the crime their parents had done.
Their parents foolishly went out for a swim to the east of Mauville, where the Sharpedo feasted. It was the time of day when their stomachs were vacant and they were searching devilishly through the sea for anything fashionable enough to consume. Since their parents got caught in some seaweed where some Sharpedo eggs were laid, yeah...I'd say they were quite fashionable...
I left...