PokeSpecial: Johto Journeys

Started by Pikalover10 February 2nd, 2009 4:42 PM
  • 2758 views
  • 34 replies
Male
My house!
Seen November 16th, 2019
Posted December 15th, 2013
1,258 posts
14.8 Years
PG: 13
This will be part of a series...First Johto Story then maybe Kanto or Hoenn or whatever, but I will do a story based on every region:)
Chapter Info:

1. Vs. Sentret
2. Vs. Spinarak
3. Vs. Totodile
4. Vs. Marill & Zubat
5. Vs. Poliwag
6. Vs. Dunsparce

Character Info:

Chapter 1: Vs. Sentret
It was an early, and dark morning. The sun hadn't even begun to rise and Gold was already up. He couldn't wait until he started his journey. He often wondered which Pokemon he would get as his starter.

"Chikorita, Totodile, and Cyndaquil." he whispered to himself.

He sat in a blue computer seat, backwards, staring out of his window at a huge lab across the town. He sighed and turned around to face the computer turned on in his room. He exited out of everything and turned it off, thinking about what to do.

He couldn't sleep, and his mom was asleep so he couldn't do that. He flopped on to his fluffy bed and stared up at his blank roof. He was wearing a pair of yellow pajamas. A yellow long-sleeved shirt, and yellow shorts.

He turned his head to the right, and spotted his father's album. Gold sat straight up and grabbed the album. It was red and on the front had a picture of his father.

His father had brown ruffled hair, glimmering gold eyes, wore glasses, a black long-sleeved shirt, yellow shorts, a black and yellow baseball cap, and his favorite necklace. His necklace was a black lace with a silver locket, shaped like a Pokeball, and it contained Gold's mother's picture and someone else in it. Back then, his father was 13 and his mother was 12, and they were dating.

Gold's eyes swelled up with tears and he quickly looked away from the book. His father was dead, and it pained Gold to see his father's broad smile again. When Gold was 6 his father had drastically died by falling off a cliff, trying to save Gold.

In the picture, Gold's father was surrounded by his Pokemon. A Noctowl, Typhlosion, Chansey, Politoad, Ursaring, and an Arbok. They were all smiling as happy as could be. Gold turned straight to the last page and found his father, all of his Pokemon, his mother, and then Gold himself. His father was ruffling Gold's hair, his mother was laughing, and all of his father's Pokemon were laughing.

Gold closed the album and leaned over his bed and grabbed his silver bag, opened it, and slid the album inside. He closed the bag shut and laid back on his bed, staring at the ceiling again. He wondered again for about the millionth time, which Pokemon he would get as his starter.

---

The morning had finally arrived! Light slowly crept in through Gold's window and he slowly flickered his eyes open. He sat up and rubbed his eyes confusingly, figuring he had dozed off.

He yawned loudly and rolled out of bed. He slowly crept over to his dresser, opened one of the drawers, and took out his clothes. He slowly changed in to his usual attire, a black T-shirt, a red polo long-sleeved shirt with a white pocket, yellow and black shorts, a pair of red and white running shoes, his father's old necklace, a yellow and black baseball cap, and a pair of white goggles. His father's old necklace held two pictures, the same one of his mother, and then a picture of his father when he had been Gold's age.

Gold picked up his silver backpack and walked out of his bedroom. He trotted down the stairs, looking for his mother, but she was nowhere to be found. He found a plate of two pancakes on the kitchen table, with a piece of paper under his glass of orange juice.

Gold sat down and picked the letter up, unfolded it and began to read it to himself.

Gold,

I'm very sorry honey, but I had to leave the house to find Aipom. She escaped out of your window this morning before you woke up and I had to go find her. Have fun on your journey and be careful.


Love Mom.


Gold sighed in disappointment. He crumpled the letter up and threw it in the trashcan. He stood up and left the house without even eating a bite of his pancakes, he wasn't hungry.

It was fresh and nice outside in the little town of New Bark. He had been born, raised, and almost killed there. All of his life he grew up in New Bark, caring for the stranded, abandoned, and hurt Pokemon that wondered in to town.

Gold looked down the street, towards the local laboratory and started walking towards it. He knew now that he wanted either Cyndaquil or Totodile, but he didn’t know which of the two he wanted.

He arrived at the front porch and rang the doorbell. The doorbell rang, and the ring echoed throughout the lab, as if nobody was there. Gold stood there, his hat on backwards, waiting for the Professor or Professor Assistant to come and help him out.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, a tall man wearing glasses, a blue T-shirt, a white lab coat, and cacki pants opened the door. He had a smile across his gleaming face, which was covered in ash and had grayish hair.

"Hello. You must be Gold, am I right?" the man asked.

Gold looked up at him and then noticed movement inside the lab. Gold looked behind the an and saw a young boy of about Gold's age, wearing a black and red long-sleeved shirt and gray pants sneak off with a red and white sphere in his hand. He reached one of the windows, leading to the forest behind the lab, opened it up quietly, and jumped out. Gold noticed in the boy's back pocket was a red mechanical device.

Gold shook his head, wondering what the boy had been doing and looked back up at the Professor.

"Yes sir. My name is Gold. Are you Professor Elm?" Gold asked.

"Why. Aren't you the smart one? Yes, I am Professor Elm of Johto. Now follow me." he said motioning with his hand for Gold to follow him.

Gold stepped inside and looked around. Everywhere he looked there were Pokemon. Butterfree, Caterpie, Typhlosion, Meganium, and Feraligatr. The hallways were riddled with bookshelves, and all of the books were filled with information on Pokemon.

Gold stopped at one of the bookshelves, and saw a book that filled him with questions. Mike, A Journey of New Bark Town's most prized trainer. Gold gulped and grabbed the book. Mike had been his father. Gold knew he didn't have time to read it, so he slipped the book in to his backpack and jogged back to Professor Elm.

Professor Elm stopped as Gold reached him and opened up a door. Inside was a few desks, and the walls were riddled with bookshelves. Gold looked around the room and noticed one desk had three platforms, and two held Pokeballs and in front of the three of each of them were 5 Pokeballs and 1 Pokedex.

Professor Elm looked at the desk and then screamed in horror.

"W-where is the other Pokeball? It contained a Totodile! I knew it was there. I put it there just a few minutes ago!" Professor Elm said looking everywhere for the missing item.

Gold was tempted to tell the professor about the mysterious boy, but decided not to. HE walked up to the desk and grabbed the Pokeball with the label under it 'Cyndaquil', clipped it on to his belt, and grabbed the other items. He put the Pokedex in his pocket, and clipped the 5 Pokeballs on to his belt, and left.

-

The first route in the Johto Region was very peaceful today. The Pokemon were about their own business, playing together or training with each other. Gold sat on a rock, staring at the new Pokemon he had just obtained after letting it out of its Pokeball.

“Cynda!” it squealed.

Gold sat there and then finally smiled. “Hey there little guy. I’m your new trainer.” Gold said, bending over and sitting the little Pokemon in his lap. Cyndaquil looked up at him and smiled. Gold chuckled a little, remembering the last time he had seen a picture of his father’s first Cyndaquil.

Then, the bushes started rustling. Gold jumped up to his feet, being caught off guard, and spun around to face the bushes. Then, a brown Pokemon with a long tail walked out of the bush calmly, as if nothing had happened.

“Sen.” It said casually. Gold sighed and took out his Pokedex. He was a little ticked, but was also relieved. He flipped the top cover over and scanned the newly appeared Pokemon.

“Sentret, the Scout Pokemon. It has a very nervous nature. It stands up high on its tail so it can scan wide areas.” The Pokedex bursted to life. Gold nodded and then scanned Cyndaquil. “Cyndaquil, the Fire Mouse Pokemon. It has a timid nature. If it is startled, the flames on its back burn more vigorously.” Gold nodded again and put the Pokedex away and smirked at the Sentret.

“Easy first win, Cyndaquil.” He muttered.

"Cynda!" Cyndaquil replied.

Gold smiled at his new Pokemon and then let out a deep breath to calm himself. "Cyndaquil use Tackle!" Gold called out. Cyndaquil nodded and leapt at the Sentret. He slopped on to the Sentret, knocking it to the ground, but the scout Pokemon quickly leapt to its feet and threw Cyndaquil off of him.

"Cynda!" Cyndaquil yelled as he skidded across the grassy field to a halt at the base of a tree. Cyndaquil quickly leapt to his feet and shook himself off. Gold grunted, realizing this wouldn't quiet be as easy as he thought it would be. He looked from Cyndaquil and then back at the Sentret, thinking about their next move.

The Sentret crouched and then sped off towards Cyndaquil, in an amazing attempt to use Quick Attack. Cyndaquil saw this and did a small leap in the air, and then with his hind legs he pushed off the tree behind him, dodging the Sentret's attack and causing it the hit the tree. Cyndaquil landed on his feet behind the dazed Sentret with a smirk on his face.

"Cyndaquil Tackle!" Gold said.

Cyndaquil turned around on his toe and then slammed himself in to the Sentret. Leaves in the tree rustled and a few floated to the ground. "Sen!" the Sentret yelped as it got its head stuck in a newly formed tree hole. Gold grimaced, realizing what he had done and quickly ran up to the Sentret. He grabbed its side, and Cyndaquil grabbed its tail.

"One...two...three...pull!" Gold said. Then, Cyndaquil and Gold both pulled on Sentret, but it was to no avail. Sentret yelped in pain and the two stopped pulling and released. Gold felt terrible for getting the Pokemon stuck in this situation.

"Need a little help?" a familiar voice rang out. Gold blinked and looekd behind him and saw a young girl of a few years older then him. She had blue hair going in two directions and wore a red tank top, a small white overjacket, black and white snadex shorts, and a yellow headband. Gold groaned realizing that it was the girl who lived across from him, Crystal. They are both friends, but they don't have the same mindset.

"What are you doing here?" Gold asked.

"Ummm. Appearently helping this poor little Sentret." Crystal smuggly replied.

"Yeah? Well we don't need your help." Gold sourly said.

The two trainers stared at eachother grimly until Crystal broke the silence.

"You know what? That Sentret needs help and you and your puny little Cyndaquil aren't going to help it."

"Why I oughta! Actually, you know why you say that? Cause you're a know it all professors little girl! You've been treated like royalty your entire life and I have no idea why you're here seeing as how you've already gone on your journey. Even the gym leaders treated you like royalty!" Gold replied.

"I didn't ask for that! Plus, I won my gym battles fair and square!" Crystal argued.

"Oh no you didn't! Do you even know why you won all your battles on the first try? BEcause otherwise the gym leaders thought they would get an earful from your daddy, Professor Elm!" Gold argued back.

Crystal's face was bright red with anger now. She called out her newly hatched Chikorita, and ordered it to use a Razorleaf attack. The razor sharp leaves cut through the tree bark, and the Sentret was sent free. Crystal recalled her Chikorita, turned away, and left. Gold sat there on the ground, and figured good, she had left him alone.

END

I know these aren't the exact personalitys of the manga characters, but their actual personalitys will expand and be normal soon enough:):) Hope you enjoyed:D

Credit to banner/avy PC Family

Swift!

The Swiftiest

Male
Sydney, Australia
Seen September 16th, 2022
Posted December 7th, 2014
2,385 posts
14.9 Years
I'm proud to be the first person to comment you on your new fic, Pikalover. =)
I do have a couple of things that I'd like to say:

1. You need to show a little bit more detail. There was one line in particulary that bugged me.

"He walked up to the desk and grabbed the Pokeball with the label under it 'Cyndaquil', clipped it on to his belt, and grabbed the other items. He put the Pokedex in his pocket, and clipped the 5 Pokeballs on to his belt, and left."

That went far too quickly for my liking. If you're writing the part where Gold gets his first Pokemon, don't you think you'd need a bit more detail to make it stand out to the readers later in your story? You could have added things like; how he grabbed the Pokeball (quickly/without hesitation, nervously, etc.) and what Prof. Elm had to say about Gold rushing out in a hurry ("that boy was in a rush to start his Pokemon journey!", "kids these days, never respecting their elders.", or he could have just stood there with a dumbfounded look on his face).

You know? Just, more detail in general...

2. Personality. Yes, I know you said that those aren't the exact personalities of the characters. But...

Gold looked up at him and then noticed movement inside the lab. Gold looked behind the an and saw a young boy of about Gold's age, wearing a black and red long-sleeved shirt and gray pants sneak off with a red and white sphere in his hand. He reached one of the windows, leading to the forest behind the lab, opened it up quietly, and jumped out. Gold noticed in the boy's back pocket was a red mechanical device.

No matter what kind of personality you're trying to show that Gold has, he definitely would have said something to the Professor in this situation. You can't just use that to make the story make sense, cause it just isn't logical. You could have found another way of having him first see Silver with the stolen Pokeball, like; Gold could have just left the lab and then seen Silver cradling the Pokeball with an evil grin on his face, then he might remember that Prof. Elm had lost one of the Pokeball's. That way he could have either asked Silver where he got it, or just shrugged it off like it was a coincidence.

Yeah, just try to keep the story logical...

Other than those two things, it was a great story... keep it up!
Creator of PC's Prettiest Profile Contest
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Unknown.
Seen July 6th, 2022
Posted March 4th, 2018
834 posts
14.5 Years
Pikalover, I really think you should focus on your other fics.
What it this? Pikalover has gone through a major effort here, putting down his imagination on paper (internet), and you have the audacity to demand he look at his other fanfics and only those? While Pikalover may have some responsibilites in updating previously made stories, it is not our right, the reviewers, to demand that he work on only the one we like.

If Pikalover has a bunch of stories, that's great! It means he has an amazing imagination with many different ideas. It could be that Pikalover simply doesn't hold an interest in a past fic because he believes he has grown from that one. Whether it be from boredom or the belief that his writing has become better, it is up to him, the author. Pikalover, good for you. Always expand on your writing and ideas. Always put that down and, when you believe it to be ready, post it in a thread to have some people critic it so that you may grow from it.

Now, moving to the story itself. Honestly, Kev XY put all of my complaint's down perfectly. It was slightly rushed in some places, like you have already discovered, and I know you will do your best in future works to focus a bit more on detail. An authors biggest weakness is wanting to put the next chapter up as soon as possible. Don't worry about it. It's not a race, and when its up its up.

Keep up that great work, and I can't wait to see more.

Oh yes, and at the end:

Crystal's face was bright red with anger now. She called out her newly hatched Cyndaquil, and ordered it to use a Razorleaf attack. The razor sharp leaves cut through the tree bark, and the Sentret was sent free. Crystal recalled her Cyndaquil, turned away, and left. Gold sat there on the ground, and figured good, she had left him alone.

I think you meant Chikorita.

Swift!

The Swiftiest

Male
Sydney, Australia
Seen September 16th, 2022
Posted December 7th, 2014
2,385 posts
14.9 Years
What it this? Pikalover has gone through a major effort here, putting down his imagination on paper (internet), and you have the audacity to demand he look at his other fanfics and only those? While Pikalover may have some responsibilites in updating previously made stories, it is not our right, the reviewers, to demand that he work on only the one we like.

If Pikalover has a bunch of stories, that's great! It means he has an amazing imagination with many different ideas. It could be that Pikalover simply doesn't hold an interest in a past fic because he believes he has grown from that one. Whether it be from boredom or the belief that his writing has become better, it is up to him, the author. Pikalover, good for you. Always expand on your writing and ideas. Always put that down and, when you believe it to be ready, post it in a thread to have some people critic it so that you may grow from it.
I understand where you're coming from, Wolfwhispers. But, honestly, Turtleking is completely right... in a way. Pikalover has made many attempts at other fanfics and then simply dropped them for a new idea. Of course, there's nothing wrong with that, but he should focus on one story instead of going through them like a police officer with donuts.

I know that all the other attempted stories have helped him with his writing, but he can't let a new idea stop him from continuing his current story. I used to have millions of ideas running through my head at once, but I learned to tune them out and possibly come back to them later.

Now, I have absolutely nothing against either you or Pikalover, in fact... Pikalover is one of my best friends at PC. But, Turtleking has a very valid point and I'm sure even Pikalover would understand where he's coming from. So, don't just go around making accusations at people who are just trying to help.

Sorry if I came off as a bit mean, I was just trying to get my point across.
Creator of PC's Prettiest Profile Contest
Age 36
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Posted 2 Days Ago
I understand where you're coming from, Wolfwhispers. But, honestly, Turtleking is completely right... in a way. Pikalover has made many attempts at other fanfics and then simply dropped them for a new idea. Of course, there's nothing wrong with that, but he should focus on one story instead of going through them like a police officer with donuts.
Lots of authors have a lot of ideas for stories. Some just write down the simple idea; others take the idea and expand on it. The latter is what Pikalover does. Is it bad to do so? No. It just means that he has a lot of ideas that he wants to share.

On one hand, I agree with TK and Kev. Pikalover has posted a coupld of what should be multi-chaptered fanfics that he may or may not have any interest in continuing.

On the other hand, Wolfwhispers has a point. Each story has helped him grow because he posts it, sees what works and what doesn't, and applies it to his new idea.

So, both sides are right. And it's up to Pikalover to decide what he wants to do.

I mean, if he really has an interest in this story, then he can continue it. If his interest in his other stories has dropped to zero, it's rather weird for him to not work on the ideas that interest him for the ideas that don't hold his interest anymore.

Compromise, people. Compromise. :D

Perhaps, Pikalover, you could still write your new fics but not post them right away. This way, you can still write your new fics, but others won't know. At the same time, see if ideas for your other fics come to you. If after a while, you don't get any new ideas, then you can safely say that the old fics will not be continued so this whole thing wouldn't have started.

But, I'm gonna have to side a bit with TK and Kev. I mean, you haven't really posted the what? Third chapter of any one of your fics yet? It would give you a sense of satisfaction of finally seeing one of your fics completed.

Avatar credit: Fairy

Swift!

The Swiftiest

Male
Sydney, Australia
Seen September 16th, 2022
Posted December 7th, 2014
2,385 posts
14.9 Years
Exactly.
There's nothing wrong with letting ideas die if you're not interested in them anymore, but Pikalover has a history of letting his stories die and that's why I think he should commit a bit more of his time into making sure his stories reach at least the 3rd chapter.

Sorry if I'm sounding a bit harsh, Pikalover. I'd just like to see you stick to one idea and see it through to the end. =)
Creator of PC's Prettiest Profile Contest
Male
My house!
Seen November 16th, 2019
Posted December 15th, 2013
1,258 posts
14.8 Years
Yeah...I got it...I have let my other stories die and the DP one, I just started making chapter to make them and they got really sloppy and boring...that's why I decided to let that one die and make this one. I have saved that story on to word though so that eventually I'll go to it, make improvements and then go back and write it once this one is done. And when I posted the first chapter I told myself this would be my first fic that I saw all the way through and completed...and it will be. This summer I may not be able to write any chapters for a few months because I'm moving across the country, but I will be writing in my notebook for it though...so yep...there's my explenation for the last one and my other stories I just think it would be better to leave those behind and start a new one...

Credit to banner/avy PC Family
Male
My house!
Seen November 16th, 2019
Posted December 15th, 2013
1,258 posts
14.8 Years
Turtleking I know you're trying to do that and I'm glad you are...the other stories I have written except for my last DP one has been boring and then my DP on ended up with me just writing stupid chapters...I promise I will finish this one though...and also everyone...I'm writing chapter 2 right now:)

Credit to banner/avy PC Family
Male
My house!
Seen November 16th, 2019
Posted December 15th, 2013
1,258 posts
14.8 Years
Chapter 2: Vs. Spinarak!



The summer day was getting to be a real drag for Gold. He had gotten shown up to a girl at trying to help a Sentret. Gold continued down Route 29. The fragrant smell of pansies filled the air with a fragrance that smelled like sweet nectar.

Gold looked down at his newly acquired Cyndaquil, who was currently sniffing a flower that Gold had tied around him. The flower was connected to a red bandana that Gold had wrapped around Cyndaquil's neck.

Suddenly, a loud scream was heard just a few meters down the route. Without hesitation Gold quickly dashed down the route to find out what the problem was. Cyndaquil sneezed, and sent his flower sailing away from his bandana. He looked sad realizing that he could no longer sniff the flower, but then realized Gold had run off, and he dashed after his trainer.

A few seconds later Gold skidded to a halt as he found a young trainer, looking to be about 8, surrounded by tons of green spiders. Gold took out his red machine and scanned the mysterious spiders.

Species: The String spit Pokemon, Spinarak.
Entry: It sets a trap by spinning a web with thin but strong silk. It waits motionlessly for prey to arrive.

Gold closed the red machine and slipped the Pokedex back in to his pocket as the kid screamed in horror again and the Spinarak shot out a long, webby substance. Gold shuddered as the kid was being wrapped up in it, and was becoming a cocoon.

"Ok...Cyndaquil help the kid out by tackling the Spinarak!" Gold said.

Cyndaquil nodded and leapt in to the air, one by knocking the Spinarak to the ground, from their tiny web strings they were hanging from. Once they were all on the ground, a few of them ran away while a bunch of them stayed. One Spinarak in particular looked very angry and was the one who stepped out to battle Cyndaquil.

Cyndaquil dashed at the Spinarak, in an attempt to tackle it. The Spinarak shot out its webby substance, which attached itself to a tree, and flew to the tree branch. Then, it shot out a few purple needles, which were full of poison. One by one they hit Cyndaquil, causing him to back up in pain and fear.

Cyndaquil opened his eyes to find the Spinarak lowered by its string and turned around. The spider had something on his back that seemed like a face, suddenly the face turned very gloomy and it scared the heeby jeebies out of Cyndaquil.

"Cynda!" Cyndaquil screeched running behind Gold's leg.

"Cyndaquil! Get out there and use Smokescreen and then Tackle." Gold said a little intimidated by the Spinarak.

Cyndaquil looked up at Gold a little worriedly. Gold ignored Cyndaquil and shoved him foreword with his foot. Cyndaquil sighed and dashed at the Spinarak who was currently chuckling to itself.

Cyndaquil then slammed himself in to the spider, full of rage now. Spinarak was caught off guard and flew back a few feet. Cyndaquil smiled in victory as the Spinarak stood up and stopped laughing.

The Spinarak looked at Cyndaquil evilly. Cyndaquil had started chuckling and that really made Spinarak angry. Suddenly, one of the Spinarak's little legs lit a deep purple color and then it slammed it's leg in to Cyndaquil's stomach. Cyndaquil was sent flying in to a tree and slammed in to it. Cyndaquil coughed and slowly slid to a halt on the hard ground below.

Gold realized what the move was. It was a Poison Jab, but Spinarak's only knew that if they had known it as an egg move. Gold gulped. He realized that this Spinarak was very dangerous.

"Cyndaquil get up and use Smokescreen and then Tackle!" Gold said.

Cyndaquil stood up and began coughing. He had lost his breath in the impact a few seconds ago and then he started coughing black smoke, blinding the Spinarak's view of him. Then, he slammed himself in to the spider, sending it flying in to a nearby tree.

When the Spinarak hit the tree, a few other spiders fell from the top and ran away through the smoke. Cyndaquil kept hitting the spider with his body and eventually, the spider's legs gave up on it and it collapsed in exhaustion.

Gold sighed in relief and realized that the spider could easily do something bad again with its followers. He grabbed an extra Pokeball off of his belt, pressed the middle button and the ball expanded in his hand. Then he tossed it at the spider and it hit it, bounced off and opened, and then engulfed the spider in a blinding white light, and disappeared.

The ball landed on the ground and began shaking. Gold felt like he might throw up for some reason. Maybe it was the fact that he might catch his first ever-wild Pokemon, or maybe it was from the chili dogs he had last night.

Then, there was a faint "click" and the ball stopped moving. Gold smiled happily as he realized he had caught his first ever wild Pokemon. He grabbed the Pokeball and showed it to the other spiders.

"Stay around and this is what will happen to you." Gold bluffed. He knew he couldn't take on ten or eleven of these things in a row, Cyndaquil wasn't up to it yet. That convinced the spiders though, in a matter of minutes the spiders were gone. Gold sighed with relief and clipped the Pokeball on his belt and then he heard a muffled noise.

HE turned and saw the cocoon and flinched. He had forgotten about the kid. He rushed over and him and Cyndaquil began ripping at the thread. In a few minutes they had broke through and the boy flopped out of the cocoon on to the ground at their feet.

"Thank...you...very much...sir." the kid panted.

Gold helped the kid up and replied with a simple "No problem." The kid looked up at gold, still panting and took in a deep breath. Then, the kid stopped panting and began to breath normally.

"My name is Joshua. What's yours mister?" he asked.

"Gold." Gold replied wanting to leave. The boy nodded and then he dashed off towards New Bark Town. Gold watched the kid leave, just to make sure he wouldn't get captured by Pokemon again in the next few meters, and then he turned around to face the long journey ahead of him, and began down the path to Cherrygrove City.

END
Hope you liked it:)

Credit to banner/avy PC Family
Age 28
Seen January 26th, 2011
Posted September 16th, 2010
108 posts
14.3 Years
This fic's good, it seems that Gold has a grudge on Crys and that Spinarak was strong. Also we got somthig in common, for some reason Iseen to forget about my fics if I don't get too inspired.
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Swift!

The Swiftiest

Male
Sydney, Australia
Seen September 16th, 2022
Posted December 7th, 2014
2,385 posts
14.9 Years
It was a good chapter, but I still think it could use a bit more detail.

Also!

Then he tossed it at the spider AND it hit it, bounced off AND opened, AND then engulfed the spider in a blinding white light, AND disappeared.

You should probably find some other words to continue sentences, other than just "and".
If I had to re-write this sentence I would probably go about it like this...

He then tossed it at the spider, landing a perfect hit and causing the ball to bounce into the air. It opened up and engulfed the wild Pokemon with a bright flash of light.

Well, maybe not exactly like that... but you get the picture. Don't over-use "and", becuase it gets boring quickly and makes your sentences sound more like lists.
Creator of PC's Prettiest Profile Contest
Male
My house!
Seen November 16th, 2019
Posted December 15th, 2013
1,258 posts
14.8 Years
Chapter 3!!


Chapter 3: Vs. Totodile!


Gold sighed in boredom as he sat on a hard and rough bench in the Pokemon Center in Cherrygrove City. He had reached Cherrygrove and had instantly headed towards the Pokemon Center to heal his Pokemon. A nurse with pink hair and wearing a nurse's outfit had taken his exhausted Pokemon in to the backroom for analysis.

Gold looked around everywhere for maybe an open seat on a padded bench, but the Pokemon Center was full to the brim with people. He thought he saw the kid with red hair that he had seen steal a Pokemon from Professor Elm's lab, but once he tripped and tried to find the kid again, he couldn't.

The back door squeakily slid open and the nurse came out with Cyndaquil and Spinarak. Gold instantly shot up to his feet and pushed through the people to get to his Pokemon. He bent down and picked Cyndaquil up and then took Spinarak from the nurse's arms.

"Thank you, ma'am." he said.

"You're welcome." she said exhaustedly.

Gold turned around and walked out of the door, and then three kids pushed past him, each with two Pokemon in their arms. Gold felt a little sorry for the nurse, working on such a busy day, but he brushed it off and walked behind the Pokemon Center, and sat under a shady tree near a beautiful pond.

Gold wrapped his hand around his arms as a cool wind blew through and he started getting cold. He took off his bag and started rummaging through it.

"Nothing beats a chilly day out, then sipping on a nice cup of coffee." Gold said looking through his bag.

He took out the small metal pot and sat it aside, while looking for the coffee beans. A few minutes passed and he still couldn't find the coffee. He grunted in frustration, grabbed the bottom of the bag, and then flipped it over. Everything poured out of the bag, like an endless river of items.

His father's album fell out, some food fell out, an extra pair of his clothes fell out, and much more. He started putting things back in the bag one by one, and then he realized a horrible truth. He had forgotten the coffee.

"Nooooooooo! I forgot the coffee! The world is going to end as we know it!" Gold exaggerated.

He flipped over and lied on the ground face down. Cyndaquil and Spinarak both curled up next to him, trying to calm him down. Gold finally sat up and then looked around the place trying to find a store, but he couldn't find one.

"Wonderful. Now-" Gold was interrupted.

"boom!" the back of the Pokemon Center exploded. The explosion caused Gold to fly out of the way, head over heels in to the pond, followed by Spinarak and Cyndaquil. Gold coughed and stood up in the small pond, which he was starting to think was supposed to be a small lake since the water came up to his knees.

Gold turned around and quickly returned Cyndaquil and Spinarak who were trying to swim in the water, but to no avail. Then, he turned back around and ran out of the water to see the same boy with red hair and a blue alligator trying to steal Pokemon from the Center.

"Hey! Stop that right now!" Gold yelled.

The boy turned around and smirked at the sight of Gold. Gold's hair was wet from falling in to the small lake and his clothes were wet too. Gold was getting angrier with this kid more and more by the second.

"Who do you think you are?!" Gold asked.

"Get out of my way, punk." the kid replied.

"That's it." Gold said grabbing Cyndaquil's Pokeball "Go, Cyndaquil!" In a blinding white flash Cyndaquil appeared right in front of Gold, a little wet. He shook himself furiously and then he was ready to battle.

"Heh. Go, Totodile." the kid said motioning for the little alligator to get on to the battlefield. Gold took out his Pokedex as the kid grabbed one from his pocket too. Gold scanned the little alligator, while Silver scanned Cyndaquil.


Species: Totodile, the big jaw Pokemon.
Entry: It has the habit of biting anything with its developed jaws. Even its Trainer needs to be careful.

Gold sighed and put his Pokedex away. Wonderful. He thought. I'm battling a water type with a fire type.

"Oh well! Cyndaquil use Smokescreen then Tackle!" Gold exclaimed.

"Use Water Gun." the kid said calmly.

Cyndaquil jumped in to the air and started coughing out clouds of pitch black smoke. The smoke slowly started covering the entire field, until neither trainer could see their own Pokemon, or their opponents Pokemon.

Cyndaquil landed silently on the ground and began to look everywhere for the Totodile. Suddenly, he was hit with a large shot of water. He fell to the ground and skidded across the dirt for a few seconds, and then stopped.

"Cynda!" he had cried when he got hit.

Then, he got up and charged the unable to see Totodile. Hoping he would hit him, because Cyndaquil too couldn't see. Then, he slammed in to the Totodile and sent the Totodile skidding across the floor.

"Now use Tackle!" Cyndaquil heard Gold say.

"Use Water Gun." Totodile heard his trainer say.

Cyndaquil bent his head down and charged towards the Totodile. Totodile blindly shot a ton of water compressed in to a small little bullet looking thing towards Cyndaquil. Cyndaquil looked up at just the right time and leapt out of the way.

The water came straight for Gold and slammed in to his gut. Gold, not expecting that lost all of his breath and started coughing. He regained his breath as the Totodile came shooting out of the cloud of smoke overhead in to the air. Cyndaquil smirked as the Totodile flew in to the air and out of the smoke and then back down to the ground out of the smoke. He had sent Totodile flying and it was apparently fun.

The smoke started to settle and the trainers could see their Pokemon, while the Pokemon were just staring at each other. Both were panting heavily and the trainer could see this battle would be over soon. Totodile’s claws grew sharper and Cyndaquil bent his head down, both ready for the command.

“Totodile Scratch!” the boy said.

“Cyndaquil Tackle!” Gold replied.

Both Pokemon charged each other. Cyndaquil’s head was down but he knew Totodile would slam in to him at any moment with those claws. Then, the two slammed in to each other, and they both flew back. Dust was kicked up preventing both trainers from seeing their Pokemon.

Gold took a step foreword. Please be ok Cyndaquil. Be standing there with that alligator lying out cold under you. Gold silently pleaded. He had been sick to his stomach during the entire battle. A lot ridded on this battle. The fate of the Pokemon Center, possibly the fate of the town, and then whether or not Gold had lost his first battle against another trainer.

Then, the dust began to settle and it revealed both Pokemon lying on the ground knocked out. The result was a draw. Gold sighed with relief as he knew that both Pokemon were out and not just Cyndaquil. He hadn’t lost, but it ended in a tie.

Gold walked over and scooped his little unconscious Pokemon and whispered in his ear “You were great, Cyndaquil.” Then he grabbed Cyndaquil’s Pokeball and returned him in to it. He looked over at the boy who stood there looking disgustingly at Totodile. He returned it and just walked off. Gold already knew he didn’t like the kid.

END

Credit to banner/avy PC Family
Age 28
Seen January 26th, 2011
Posted September 16th, 2010
108 posts
14.3 Years
The chapter was good, and I liked how you managed to make an entrance for Silver, but I think it was a little rush, try making the battles a little longer
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Logan

Age 28
Male
Salisbury, England
Seen July 19th, 2022
Posted November 12th, 2021
10,414 posts
14.5 Years
Hey Pika,

This is a good fic so far can't wait to see how it all plans out in the end.

I'm reading ;)

BB

sasuneuchiha

Neither Darkness nor Light...

Age 28
Male
In the stars...
Seen August 4th, 2014
Posted February 4th, 2011
533 posts
14.7 Years
Great fanfic...much better than mine. I love how its manga based, cause I love the manga...


Credit to The Blueprint for this beautiful banner!

Those people to claim to be my family members...

Pair Brother Cousin


Seen December 10th, 2013
Posted October 17th, 2009
5,583 posts
14.6 Years
Chapters one, two, and three were all great. A little work could be used in each one a bit, more detail in some parts, but I like the way it is going definitely. Can't wait to read more and see how it turns out.

I could totally picture cyndaquil fighting and running around. And now you make me want to catch a Spinerak myself! lolz...Keep up the good work!
Male
My house!
Seen November 16th, 2019
Posted December 15th, 2013
1,258 posts
14.8 Years
Chapter 4: Vs. Marill and Zubat:
Gold smiled as he walked down the dirt, rough path of Route 30. The sun was shining out brightly today and nothing could make it a more perfect day. Gold looked down at his feet. Cyndaquil was waddling along with him, and Spinarak was shooting her web from branch to branch, swinging along with them.

The air smelled of fresh roses, giving Gold the feeling as if he could live here forever. Cyndaquil and Spinarak were fully healed after their battle with that strange kid. Nurse Joy also insisted on giving them a reward, but Gold insisted on not receiving one.

Spinarak leapt off a branch, her web attached to another one. She was in midair, and then the web snapped. She flew towards them, and hit Gold, straight in the face. Gold stumbled back a few paces, but caught himself before he fell. Spinarak was shaking on top of his head, making him feel like an alarm clock.

“Spinarak it’s ok.” Gold said. He reached up and gently pulled Spinarak off his head. Spinarak’s tensing eased, and she was relaxed again. Gold set her down, and she walked alongside Cyndaquil instead of swinging around.

Route 30 was pretty desolate. Other then the few trainers every now and then, nobody seemed to be here. It was as if the route was barren and uninhabitable. Then, Gold’s yellow cell phone began to ring. Gold slightly jumped form the sudden burst of music and quickly reached in his pocket for his phone.

He checked the screen to see whom it was and found that it was Professor Elm. He clicked the green phone button and held it up to his right ear. “Hello?” he asked.

“Gold? It’s Professor Elm.” The voice replied.

“Yeah, I know that, but what do you want?” Gold smugly asked. Whenever Gold was around Professor Elm, it was like he was a friend with a dictionary.

“Well, on Route 30, which is where you’re at, one of my best friends lives there. You might’ve heard of him. It’s Mr. Pokemon. He called me about a week ago saying he had an egg for me. I told him I’d get the egg when I get the time, but I’ve been really busy lately, so I was wondering if you’d do it?” Elm asked.

“Yeah. No problem.” Gold said, and then before Professor Elm could say anything else, Gold hung up. He slipped the phone back in to his pocket and looked down at Cyndaquil and Spinarak. He smiled and looked around for a house. There was nothing in sight except for trees, a little lake, and more trees.

Then, a loud rumbling noise, as if a monster was nearby and was going to eat them submerged. Gold smiled and wrapped his left arm around his stomach. He rubbed the back of his head with his right hand and laughed a little. “Guess I’m a little hungry for lunch.” Gold admitted. Then, two other lower grumbling was heard and Spinarak and Cyndaquil began to blush. “And so are you two.” Gold chuckled.

The three of them sat down under a nice evergreen tree and Gold pulled his backpack around to in front of him. He opened the big pocket and rummaged around for a sandwich and some Pokefood. He tossed the can of Pokefood out as he continued rummaging, and then pulled out a bag with a sandwich inside. He smiled and then sat it down, and opened the Pokefood. He pulled out two dog bowls and put some Pokefood in there, and then began eating his sandwich while Spinarak and Cyndaquil ate their Pokefood.

About fifteen minutes later, they had all finished lunch. Gold was lying back against the tree, almost dead asleep, and Cyndaquil and Spinarak where sleeping in his lap. The only thing keeping Gold awake was the sound of battling nearby. Then, two blue and purple Pokemon jumped out of nowhere. Gold took his Pokedex out and scanned them.

Species: Nidoran (F), the poison pin Pokemon.
Entry: It scans its surroundings by raising its ears out of the grass. Its toxic horn is for protection.

Species: Nidoran (M), the poison pin Pokemon.
Entry: It scans its surroundings by raising its ears out of the grass. Its toxic horn is for protection.

Gold slipped the Pokedex back in to his pocket and was deeply confused by these two Pokemon. If they are the same Pokemon, why do they look different and have the same Pokedex entry? Gold wondered. Cyndaquil and Spinarak slowly awakened, after hearing the ruckus. Gold sighed and tried not to listen to the Pokemon fight.

Gold tossed and turned about, trying to find something to keep his attention off the Nidoran. Suddenly, a cry was heard. “No way!” Gold turned his head towards the cry and saw that the boy, who owned the blue Nidoran, had lost. Gold sighed with peace finally and turned around to sleep.

--
A few minutes later Gold felt something nuzzling his face. He rolled over on to his back, and opened his eyes up. He saw Cyndaquil trying to wake him up because of something. Gold yawned and stood up to look around. He rubbed his eyes as he looked about, not finding anything, then something struck him.

“Where’s Spinarak?” Gold asked looking down to Cyndaquil. Cyndaquil looked at him worriedly and then shook his head. Gold clenched his fists together and looked around to find something to hit. Whoever had stolen his Spinarak would pay.

Gold looked around the evergreen route and tried to find some evidence of what might have happened. He searched around the area for a few minutes, and found no evidence. Gold stomped over to his bag, and slung it over his shoulder.

“Come on Cyndaquil. We’re going to find Spinarak.” Gold said. Cyndaquil nodded and followed right behind Gold; ready to do whatever he needed to do to save Spinarak. Gold was glad Cyndaquil was willing to do anything for Spinarak, considering that he thought Cyndaquil and Spinarak wouldn’t get along considering their types.

Gold rounded a corner and stopped at the doorstep to a house. It was a log cabin with a chimney and smoke coming out of it. Gold rapped his knuckles on the door, and a few seconds later it swung open. A man wearing a black suite and a black hat stood in front of him. He had bright green eyes, a comforting smile, and had a gray mustache and beard.

The man covered his mouth with his right hand and coughed. He had his left hand behind his back and only when he tried to move did Gold notice that it was brown cane. “Um. Are you Mr. Pokemon?” Gold asked.

“Why yes I am. And you are?” Mr. Pokemon asked. His voice was rough and quiet, as if he was losing it and it seemed like it pained him with every word to speak. He was very friendly though, and wouldn’t let that get in the way of meeting Gold. Gold smiled and Cyndaquil pushed through Gold’s legs in to view of Mr. Pokemon. “Why. What have we here? A Cyndaquil? Why, you must be the young lad Professor Elm was telling me about. Are you here to pick up that egg?” he asked.

“Um. Yes sir.” Gold said. Mr. Pokemon nodded and walked in to his house. He motioned for Gold to come in. Gold nodded and slowly followed inside. It was nice inside. The fire was making the house a perfect temperature, computers were on and beeping, machines were doing whatever they were supposed to do, and there were a few Pokemon playing.

“Mr. Pokemon? Where are you?” a different voice suddenly asked. It wasn’t as old sounding as Mr. Pokemon’s was, but you could tell it was someone in about their mid fifties.

“Over here Samuel. The trainer from Professor Elm has come for the egg.” Mr. Pokemon replied looking about the house for something. Then, in a few seconds a man came out holding an egg. He had on a red T-shirt, brown pants, and a white lab coat. He had a friendly smile as well and had gray hair.

“Ah. Here you go.” He said handing Gold the egg. Gold was so stunned that he almost dropped the egg. He smiled and placed the egg in his bag.

“Hi…Professor Oak. I’ve seen your TV shows and let me just say…I’m a big fan.” Gold said. He quickly walked up to the Professor with a huge grin on his face and rapidly began shaking the Professor’s hand. The Professor quickly snatched his hand away, with a creped out face on. He nodded at Mr. Pokemon and then exited to the back of the house, in to another room. Gold shook Mr. Pokemon’s hand and went back to the case of finding Spinarak.

Gold walked out of the house and wondered where he should start looking for Spinarak. Suddenly, there was a loud boom and an explosion happened right in front of Gold. Gold flew back and slammed in to a tree. He slid to a halt at the bottom and started rapidly coughing from the smoke. He opened his eyes and looked everywhere for Cyndaquil, but couldn’t find him.

The smoke finally began to settle and Cyndaquil was standing on the ground practically right next to him. Gold quickly reached out and snatched Cyndaquil in his arms as two figures appeared in the unsettled smoke. The rest of the smoke settled and the two figures looked very odd.

They wore a pair of black pants, gray boots, a long-sleeved black shirt with a big red ‘R’, gray gloves, a white mask, and a black hat. One had very long hair and smiled evilly, while the other one had short hair that wasn’t visible because of the mask and also smiled evilly.

They both then tore off their masks and they both looked practically the same. They had sparkling blue eyes, and freckles all over their faces. The boy then held up a wired cage and what was inside made Gold furious. It was Spinarak. Gold stood up to his feet and balled his hands in to fists.

“Give me Spinarak.” Gold said.

“Listen brother. He wants us to just give him Spinarak.” The lady mocked.

“Yeah. Not gonna happen kid.” The man said.

“Fine then! Cyndaquil use Ember to burn that cage and let Spinarak escape!” Gold decided.

Cyndaquil nodded and shot out five black embers at the cage. They soared through the air and quickly caught on fire. The duo weren’t expecting it, and the embers hit the metal cage, melting the bars. The metal must have been hot, because the man holding it quickly dropped it and began blowing on his hand.

Spinarak leapt out of the cage as it landed on the ground and ran over to Gold and Cyndaquil. Gold smiled at Spinarak but then looked at the two idiots furiously. He wanted to hit them so hard, but he couldn’t, so he would hurt them with Pokemon attacks.

“Do you know who we are kid?” the man asked.

“Course he doesn’t brother! We are members of Team Neo Rocket! The Johto Team Rocket! And we are here to steal your Pokemon!” the lady announced.

“Never going to happen!” Gold yelled.

The lady shook her head with an “tsk tsk tsk.” She grabbed a Pokeball off her belt and threw it in to the air. In a blinding white flash a blue and white mouse popped out. The man followed his sister’s lead and threw his own Pokeball in to the air. In a blinding white flash a blue bat popped out. Gold took his Pokedex out and scanned the two Pokemon.

Species: Marill, the Aqua Mouse Pokemon.
Entry: Using its tail as a float, it dives underwater. It likes eating plants that grow on river bottoms.

Species: Zubat, the Bat Pokemon.
Entry: Even though it has no eyes, it can sense obstacles using ultrasonic waves it emits from its mouth.

Gold backed up against the tree and Cyndaquil and Spinarak stepped foreword. They were ready for this battle. Marill and Zubat both smirked at Spinarak and Cyndaquil like this battle was going to be a piece of cake.

“Cyndaquil use Ember on Zubat! Spinarak use Poison Sting on Marill, go!” Gold said.

“Zubat use Wing Attack on Spinarak!” the man replied.

“Marill use Water Gun on Cyndaquil!” the woman said.

Cyndaquil shot out tons of black smoldering hot embers towards Zubat. They soared through the air gently, as if nothing was about to happen, and then they caught on fire. They slammed in to Zubat, one after another. Zubat flew back a little and then shook his head.

Zubat then dove towards Spinarak. His wings folded in closer, but the tips pointed further out. Cyndaquil knew what was about to happen and he jumped in to Spinarak, pushing them both out of the way just in time. Zubat pulled up right before hitting a tree and circled back around.

Spinarak turned around and shot out tons of purple needles at Marill. They all flew through the air, and got an extra boost from the air gently blowing in that direction. They all slammed in to Marill, and she skidded back a few pace.

Marill shot out a few beams of water at Cyndaquil. Cyndaquil jumped out of the way and dodged a few, but was hit by two others. He skidded across the entire battlefield and stopped right in front of Gold. Gold gulped realizing this would be hard for Cyndaquil and Spinarak both considering they were at disadvantages with the types of Pokemon on the battlefield.

“Lets go guys! You can do it! Cyndaquil use Smokescreen to cover you and Spinarak and then use Ember! Spinarak use Constrict on Marill. Cyndaquil you do yours on Zubat!” Gold said.

“Marill use Water gun on Cyndaquil!” the lady said. “Zubat use Supersonic on Spinarak!” the man said.

Cyndaquil quickly coughed out a whole cloud of smoke, shielding Spinarak and Cyndaquil form getting hit possibly from the other team. Then he shot out tons of Embers in every direction trying to hit Zubat. They soared through the air and caught on fire. Then, luckily a few hit Zubat, and then a few hit Marill.

Zubat shot out four rings of yellow energy in to the smoke. Spinarak heard this and jumped out of their range, but Cyndaquil was still in it. The rings hit Cyndaquil, causing him to lye down on the ground, confused.

Spinarak saw Marill’s figure and shot out a sticky web at it. The web landed and Marill was covered in the web from head to toe. Then, Spinarak forced the webbing to get tighter and tighter. Marill yelped in pain, and finally the web snapped.

Marill shot out beams of water, and all of them hit Cyndaquil right on target. Cyndaquil flew out of the cloud of smoke, and landed straight in Gold’s arms. Cyndaquil was lucky he landed there. Gold looked up at the scene. This wasn’t going very well. HE wanted to stay and fight, but he knew he would lose the match, and worse…he might lose his Pokemon.

Gold grabbed both of his Pokeballs and returned Cyndaquil and Spinarak. He turned around and dashed away from the scene, luckily the two goons from Neo Team Rocket couldn’t see what he was doing because of the smoke. Once it settled, the two saw Gold was gone and they both yelled in to the air in aggravation. Gold had barely gotten away.

END
I'm very proud of this chapter...seeing how it is probably the longest I have ever written and I hope you guys all enjoy it!

Credit to banner/avy PC Family
Age 28
holland
Seen July 22nd, 2014
Posted October 1st, 2012
182 posts
16.2 Years
I liked it very very much, but I am not much of a grammer criticus but a neutral story criticus. If you don't understand what I am saying don't bother because i don't either

“Fine then! Cyndaquil use Ember to burn that cage and let Spinarak escape!” Max decided.



“Never going to happen!” Max yelled.


“Cyndaquil use Ember on Zubat! Spinarak use Poison Sting on Marill, go!” Max said.


“Lets go guys! You can do it! Cyndaquil use Smokescreen to cover you and Spinarak and then use Ember! Spinarak use Constrict on Marill. Cyndaquil you do yours on Zubat!” Max said.

Don't you mean Gold
My Mechamon tc