Hell's Jewls

Started by Lady Gaga March 12th, 2009 8:48 AM
  • 601 views
  • 4 replies

Lady Gaga

Age 26
Male
Canada
Seen March 9th, 2020
Posted March 10th, 2015
2,697 posts
14.3 Years
Prolouge

The door burst open, crashing and sending me into the wall. I touched my head, which throbbed with pain. My hand was unrecognizable, being drenched in red, hot blood. My small room was being destroyed, by a force too powerful for it. I opened my squinted eyes to see fire all around me. It burned out, enclosing on me, like shadows in dark night. A nightmare at its fullest; hell burning towards me. It was first my shirt to burn, to be ingulphed in flames, and my pants soon followed. I was burning to my death, soon to be a forgotten corpse, if even that would survive the fire.

A paw reached out for me, but I was already dead. I think.

---

Plz R&R. I need to know if this story is actually worth writing (its basically centered around three teens (Gold, Crystal & Platina) and their rival (Silver)'s journey in the Pokemon world. But it becomes much more deeper than that. When the Pokemon government neglects Pokemon and the elderly, and temas like Rocket are actually the good guys ,things arereally going to heat up in the Pokemon world, in a new land called Tenjoukai, where all Pokemon are found, and strive for a realy world, where peace rsides, and to be treated like people, not usless animals used to battle and kill...
Age 34
Female
Karnac (in RL, The UK)
Seen March 14th, 2010
Posted February 8th, 2010
761 posts
14.7 Years
It's good to ask for feedback on your idea :) I think my only concern would be that your spelling is a little off, but that could be picked up with a spell checker program:

Prolouge - should be prologue
Ingulphed - ingulfed.

That and the evil font colour which is almost invisible on my theme. I'd also be careful about using a canon name for a non-canon world; maybe consider a different name for your region? I like the sound of the story, though, the premise sounds good and interesting and a little different to the average trainer story. I would give it a read, so I'd like to see more :)




Friend Code

A Darker Day

Team Destiny



Theme

A small town ^^
Seen February 22nd, 2015
Posted October 26th, 2010
252 posts
15.2 Years
Well,it's very interesting.
I can't say anything about grammar 'cause I suck at it XD
But if you change the pink colour and continue, it would be a great story, I think.

So... Good luck!

Non-Pokemon Writings:
I Desire..
Blue and Green
Title-less

Pokemon Writings:
Green Everlasting (OneShot)
My First Fic: The Rivalry






..:: The Poetry does not belong to its creator, but the one who needs it ::..

Lady Gaga

Age 26
Male
Canada
Seen March 9th, 2020
Posted March 10th, 2015
2,697 posts
14.3 Years
thanks to everyone who replied! :)

here is Chapter 1.

Espeon

Ahh, the grace and beauty of a morning sun. Shining bright to awaken all the Pokemon out there, screaming loudly in there ears to get going. It’s another day, and for a lot, the last.
“Love, wake up”. My purple paw gently brushed through the Jolteon’s static fur. I kissed his yellow back, traveling up to his head. I lay there, looking at his relaxed face. Why did I always feel guilty waking him up? Especially today, since last night I bet he would be very tired after the present I gave him. Even if it meant that present would mean him, unknowingly and unwittingly, giving me the present of a child. We were not ready for one, but it doesn’t matter. It was a night to remember, and I know my Fiyero enjoyed it.
He opened his eyes, and immediately kissed me. Then they closed again, and he fell back to sleep.
He was that tired. I giggled to myself

The Kumbric forest was like no other, but was like all others. It had many different…areas, I guess one could say. A marsh, an area where no sunlight would enter since the trees were so close together and high (at least, that is what I hear, since I have never been there, being the Espeon I am), an area where life flourishes and many Pokemon reside, and an area near the mountains (where I happen to inhabit.)

The marsh area was right near my den, so I headed over there to meet with my old friends. Fiyero would be asleep for a while, so it was time I said hello to the neighbours.

“Hello Master Boq!” I waved my paw at the Ludicolo, dancing around a large, marsh-like temple in the middle of the swamp. He waved back, and stopped dancing. He could not talk, but used signs to communicate. If he stopped dancing it either meant you are allowed to enter the palace, or you will be his next meal. Yes, meal. Boq was different, you see. He was not stupid, but he was. It is a weird paradox that even I can not figure out. Boq will eat anything in sight that Avaric (the king Swampart here) will allow him to eat. Also, Boq did not sign the Treaty of Emancipation.
You see, we Pokemon already have a hard time dealing with humans as it is. We do not need any other Pokemon trying to kill us as well. So, a few years back, the Treaty of Emancipation was created, stating that anyone who signed would not be allowed to ever hurt any other Pokemon, unless it is in defense. Many Pokemon signed, it was a law too, but, like any law, it was broken. Some Pokemon have not signed, meaning that, unless already killed by humans, are killing other Pokemon, for food or fun. The Treaty of Emancipation was created to make Pokemon’s lives a little more enjoyable, but still, it is not worth living. Especially if your diet only consists of berries, which are hard to come by. Now, I can only hope my child’s life is a little better than mine…

I entered the palace, and was greeted by my friend, Pfanee. She was a Marshtomp, Avaric’s daughter. She was a little younger than me, but we were still best of friends.

“How is everything Nessarose?” The Marshtomp closed the door behind me, and she tried to put her arm around me. I pulled away and squinted.
“Pfanee…you know I hate that horrid name. Please, I thought you knew that”
“Sorry Rose! But god dammit, just don’t get mad at me! You haven’t been here in the longest time, be happy I actually remembered your name!”

We walked in silence up her stairs, until we reached her room, on the second floor to the top. She lay on her bed, and I looked out the window. A cold breeze blew on my face, which made me twitched, and think. I was avoiding it, I knew it. Ill tell Pfanee, and she will help me out, I know she will…

“Pfanee, I’m pregnant.”.

Lady Gaga

Age 26
Male
Canada
Seen March 9th, 2020
Posted March 10th, 2015
2,697 posts
14.3 Years
Heres Chapter 2

I waited. Pfanee rose from her position, and turned her head around to me, like a Noctowl. It disgusted me; she was always so melodramatic. We stared at each other for a couple of long seconds, her eyes moving from my face to my belly and back again.

***Ooops! I G2G. Ill finish the story l8ter***