Kingdom hearts: Blade of sorrow(my story)

Started by GardevoirsLover March 17th, 2009 12:17 PM
  • 638 views
  • 1 replies
Male
My mind.
Seen December 3rd, 2013
Posted February 16th, 2011
31 posts
14.4 Years
CHAPTER 1: HOW SORA'S LIFE CHANGED



One day, Sora was preparing for his raft adventure with Riku and Kairi, when suddenly, a mysterious voice was speaking to him when he walked on the beach. After a while, Kairi came, and yelled, "Sora! What are you doing? We have to prepare for the raft!" Sora woke from his trance and said, "I know, I know. Jeez..." Sora then got the things Kairi told him to get for the trip. When he finished the chore, he noticed there was still a lot of time before nightfall, so he decided to fight with wakka and tidus for a while. Once he goit tired, Sora went and gave Kairi the items she had him get. She then gave Sora a bottle of liquid. "What is this?", Sora asked. "I don't know," Kairi said, "But I call it hi potion." "I wonder why you call it that...", said Sora, sarcastically.

I will update more later.



Hatch them plz!
Age 36
Seen 14 Hours Ago
Posted 2 Days Ago
Your story doesn't meet the standards of OW, unfortunately.

Your grammar needs improvement. Proper paragraphing and punctuation are needed. You start a new paragraph when someone speaks. Run this through a spell-checker. Proper names need a capital letter.

There also needs to be more description. What "things" does Sora need to get for Kairi? What does the mysterious voice say? How does Sora feel about things?

This is really lacking in a lot of things. Check over the rules of OW and the stickied guides. Take more time to write your chapter. Find someone who can look over your story before you post it to fix errors and help you out.

But right now, this is closed. Sorry.