Idea

Started by bewbs April 7th, 2009 10:42 AM
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  • 1 replies

bewbs

~Chloe~

Female
UK
Seen November 20th, 2022
Posted September 21st, 2022
484 posts
14.2 Years
So here is how I started the story, at first I was thinking of putting it in the pokemon's point of view. So it starts of with a Bellossom who belongs to an old lady who is about to die. She's nicknamed her Elizabella. The lady loves writing and is over-protective about her. On her death bed, her grand-son, Luke visits her and she requests that Luke takes care of her Bellossom.

Luke is pretty excited because it's another pokemon for him to train in battle but then his gran is furious because she dosen't want her pokemon to battle. Luke asks her why but she dies before she can even reply. Elizabella finds it really hard in battles as it's an enviroment she's never been in before and she is still upset about the gran's death because she was her only friend.

Luke decided to leave her in day-care for a while because he gave up trying to train her. At first Elizabella felt lonely. The night she was first placed in day-care, Elizabella bursted into tears. Then a flaafy comes along and asks if she is alright. Flaafy is nicknamed "Fla-Fla." Fla-Fla belongs to the daycare's neighbor, Florence. Elizabella and Fla-Fla quickly becomes friends and Elizabella starts meeting up and making friends with new pokemon. And she also becomes attached to Florence.

Florence then asks the day-care couple if she can take Elizabella as Luke never came back to her. The day-care man said it would be best to wait until the Luke comes home. A month later, the day care couple noticed that Elizabella was more happier here than from when she arrived and Luke still hadn't returned to Florence was allowed to keep Elizabella. The day after Florence left for Kanto, Luke returned but the day-care couple told them it was too late and Florence had adopted Elizabella. Luke was annoyed and refused to pay them the fee and decided to go on a hunt for Florence.

When Florence and Luke meet. The pair of them don't have a good relationship, needless to say. They both have an argument with each other and Luke even threatens to get Florence arrested to stealing. Elizabella no longer cares about Luke because he never explained what took him so long. Luke was thrown out of the hotel where he shouted at Florence and he was considered a brat and a bad trainer.

After getting his Gallade to spy on Florence, he got a bad feeling that Elizabella was going to be used for criminal deeds and that Florence was part of a criminal organization. His feelings were determined when he saw Florence in a team rocket uniform locking up Elizabella and Fla-Fla. The two pokemon are oblivious to this as they are instructed by Florence to be in the cage. The day after he reported her to the police, but everyone took Florence's side of the case.

Elizabella and Fla-Fla were comfortable in Team Rocket. Luke stil believed this was wrong and did his best to make to get his inherited pokemon back. By the time he got her back, Elizabella had no idea who he was and ran back to Fla-Fla. Fla-Fla then gave him a thunder-shock and left him unconscious.

He woke up in a hospital bed, full of regrets...

And that's where I left of, not sure of where to go next or leave that as an ending.
Age 31
Female
BC, Canada
Seen February 1st, 2012
Posted May 24th, 2011
484 posts
14.5 Years
Well. This looks like a pretty original storyline. (Correct me if I'm wrong.) There's some ambiguousity here - who should keep the Bellossom, Luke or Florence? I was rooting for Florence, although Luke deserves some sympathy (I hope he had a good reason for leaving his Pokemon).

But you kind of ruin that by putting Florence into a TR uniform and having her lock up her Pokemon. It paints her as an obvious villain doing villainous things for no particular reason. Why is she walking around in an outfit that marks her as a member of a criminal organization? Why does she lock up her Pokemon when she could put them in their Pokeballs? It doesn't seem to add up. At this point I am expecting a giant reversal for an ending in which Luke discovers that it wasn't what he thought it was. Like in the Simpsons, when Homer thinks Flanders murdered his wife, but it's revealed that he only killed her cactus. Maybe Florence was actually rehearsing a scene in a play she's in? But this device has become a cliche - the Simpsons are making fun of it.

dreaming again
of a train track ending at the edge of the sea