A poem...... Hope you like it

Started by Giratina's Server April 10th, 2009 6:32 PM
  • 871 views
  • 4 replies
Sinnoh
Seen September 19th, 2009
Posted April 12th, 2009
24 posts
15.1 Years
The last days of summer I see,
How Autumn comes in.
The leaves are starting to fall
While I sit with my pokemon pal.

I see some murkrows starting to fly to south,
While my Swalot opens his big mouth.
My biggest dream will be,
That summer would be forever,
But that's not up to me.

The wind blows,
As my budew grows.
So I say goodbye to summer,
While drifloons cover
The sun of my sight.


I made it in 3 minutes!
Distorion world comes.....
Fear the dark........
Shadow takes happiness.....

(Giratina's Server coming)
A small town ^^
Seen February 22nd, 2015
Posted October 26th, 2010
252 posts
15.2 Years
For being made in three minutes is quite good, although I didn't understand the first sentence (The last days of summer I see/How fall get's to sleep combee)
It could be longer also, if you wanna improve it, but I think its pretty good overall.

Non-Pokemon Writings:
I Desire..
Blue and Green
Title-less

Pokemon Writings:
Green Everlasting (OneShot)
My First Fic: The Rivalry






..:: The Poetry does not belong to its creator, but the one who needs it ::..

emoBill™

† мазохист †

Age 30
Male
Россия // Russia
Seen May 18th, 2010
Posted March 29th, 2010
763 posts
17.4 Years
That's pretty neat. I've never really thought about making a Pokemon poem before. (Oh great, now I'm going to end up trying to make one and it'll be a total failure.) Anyway, I like how you incorporated Pokemon into it, it made it seem...I don't know. I don't have a word, really.

There were a few spelling/grammar mistakes:

While I sit with my pokemon pal.
Pokemon should be capitalized, as it's a proper noun.
I see some murkrows starting to fly to south,
Murkrows is not correct. It should be Murkrow. No matter how many Murkrow you have, it is always used as Murkrow. That's a weird rule with Pokemon. Singular and plural are always the same, like sheep. Also, it should be 'to the south' or just get rid of the 'to'.
My biggest dream will be,
Is this implying that he hasn't had the dream yet? You should probably change it to 'My biggest dream is' to make it sound better.
That summer would be forever,
But that's not up to me.
No criticism here. I just really liked that line.
The wind blows,
As my budew grows.
I liked the rhyme scheme here. Just capitalize Budew, as it's a proper noun.
While drifloons cover
Capitalize Drifloon, and remember that both singular and plural are the same in Pokemon, so it is always Drifloon.
The sun of my sight
Pretty metaphor. I liked it.

Overall, a good poem. I'd say 8.5/10. It could've been longer and a bit more descriptive, but don't try to change anything major.
i want your drama, the touch of your hand
i want your leather studded kiss in the sand