Exodus

Started by Megaera April 16th, 2009 9:01 PM
  • 422 views
  • 1 replies
Age 30
Seen March 29th, 2015
Posted July 29th, 2010
303 posts
14.5 Years
This is the first time I posted one of my poems here:


Exodus


Let the interlude of time
Midwife the conspiracy
Of our thoughts,
Like a weaned baby
From a mother's womb.

Let the interlude of time
Take roots for things to grow,
'til we reap the harvest
Of our dreams,
Where legends shall keep us
Brave for the morning
Arms outstretched
For the fruit of our daring.

Let the interlude of time
Enrich our life
And find communion
In the people's story, the people's epic,
Our exodus.


Comment something for suggestions or others...I appreciate it.


~60fire~

Pair: Revelation
•Credit: Reminiscing

WriteThemWrong

LetMeHearYourPokemon's___ Voice

Age 31
Male
Tucson
Seen September 22nd, 2011
Posted June 19th, 2011
1,130 posts
14.3 Years
i'm going to tell you the same thing i tell everyone who writes poems like these. Instead of repeating yourself, find something they all have in common and focus on that or find one of the stanzas you feel the best about and really develop it. Its like the saying "you don't want a lot of a little, you want a little of a lot" (dilated peoples lol). Basically depth not breath.

Hope that helps.
They confiscated my monkeys.
Dammit sky!
It's hard talking to cactus.

I think my head is dying
It's like being trapped in a room of smells