TEN 8D

Started by Revelation April 21st, 2009 10:04 PM
  • 686 views
  • 11 replies
Age 29
Male
Land of free
Seen April 8th, 2010
Posted September 22nd, 2009
185 posts
14.2 Years

I've got bored one day after watching ben 10, so I made this:

Ten

My favorite number is ten
I write it using my pen
When I had lost my pen
I didn't like ten from then
So I gave it to my brother Ben
But he doesn't like number ten
So he gave it to his friend Gwen
But she doesn't like number ten
So I asked it back again
That's the end of number ten.

lol.

"You gave life, happiness to my days"

pokerus34

Labyrinthine Rhapsody

Age 28
Male
Manila, Philippines
Seen May 1st, 2018
Posted March 29th, 2018
830 posts
14.1 Years
My Poem-Feedback:

A poem of Ten?
And, You lost your pen?
Oh, what men...
They forgot again.
Well I can
Lend you my pen
I got it when
It was thrown by Gwen
But don't worry, Ben
I still have Ten.

P.S. = LOL x10
Nostalgia. Last log-in was 2009. Lots have changed ever since.

ShadowLeader

because shadows follow...

Age 31
Above The Shadows
Seen February 9th, 2010
Posted August 1st, 2009
653 posts
14.2 Years
that was very amusing...i liked it a lot...good work..

My Poem-Feedback:

A poem of Ten?
And, You lost your pen?
Oh, what men...
They forgot again.
Well I can
Lend you my pen
I got it when
It was thrown by Gwen
But don't worry, Ben
I still have Ten.

P.S. = LOL x10
if you hadnt done it i would have:)

ShinjisLover

Seen May 11th, 2016
Posted July 5th, 2010
3,043 posts
14.4 Years
It has a nice rhyming scheme. However, I didn't enjoy reading it. It seemed rather. . Pointless. Of course, you were bored, so I suppose that's an excuse. Right here is where I disliked it:

So I gave it to my brother Ben
. . .
So he gave it to his friend Gwen


There seemed to be a lot of syllables here that ruined the flow.