The Attic of my Mind

Started by Ciera September 18th, 2004 11:39 AM
  • 473 views
  • 2 replies
Age 32
Arizona
Seen April 2nd, 2006
Posted April 2nd, 2006
663 posts
18.9 Years
Here is some writing, that I wrote *sigh* I was bored. Anyways, hope you enjoy. The ~~~~~ separates each 'selection'...

The Attic of my Mind
Part I


I walk slowly, my feet slapping on the cold stone of a walkway. I look around at all of the stones, scattered across the large lawn, and I search for yours. You left me with no option, so this is what you get. A stone at your head, and a stone at your feet. How lovely. I drive my feet into the cold, wet, muddy cement walkway and run, my red dress flowing behind me. I run in slow motiong, happy yet afraid to meet you one last time. I stop instantaneously, making my bare feet bleed. I stop at one large stone. It has your name engraved on it- no- our name...I kneel in the mud, crying tears of joy, or pain, as I look at your resting place. Your grave. I pick up a handful of mud, it is raining now. In agony, I smear the mud over your name. Not ours anymore. I mutter goodbye, and I run across the wet, cold, and muddy path, to my home, not far away...And I lay in my bed...
~~~~~
The fire is like water, washing over me. It burns, yet it satisfies. Nothing else could ever do that. Its melts me skin, but it doesnt hurt. It relives. It destroys this life, and grants me another. It is my saviour. Its is hot, yet cold at the same time, never feeling the same on my skin, each time it touches. I love the sensation that it gives, the heat, then the cold. Its wonderful. Its beautiful. The red and the orange together...They are like a duet that, after they play, they get continous encores. Over and over again, they play, each time more beautiful than the last. I love it.
~~~~~
I step into the black water, my feet sinking deeper into the sand with every step I take. My white dress floats behind me, like its afraid to let me go into the water. I dont care. I will leave it behind for all I care. I dont need the white dress where I am going. Where I am going, all I need is an insane mind. I have that. I walk through the water untill it is up to my bosom. I look at the black rose petals just a bit further ahead of me. I dig my feet into the sand and walk a bit further, untill the black water is up to my neck. I look into the water and see a faint red color, floating to the top. I lower my head into the water and breath it in, its cold wetness reliveing me of my pain. I surrender. I give up. And I dont give a f**k what you say about my choice.
~~~~~
Why do you do the things you do, the things that make me smile, laugh, cry? You are beautiful in my eyes, yet you hurt me so. You say you love me, yet you lie. Why would one do that? Answer that. You cant? Tough luck, 'cause yours just ran out.

I believe


Oh, yes, I'm back. I was gone again, but here I am now. ^_^
Age 35
Band room
Seen December 26th, 2005
Posted November 10th, 2004
329 posts
18.8 Years
heh, the poetry forum is pretty much dead, and thats a shame considering some of the good writing we have around here, but lets get down to business...

I really enjoyed reading this. I like your writing style and the tone really caught my eye. I got some good images from your use of color and symbols and for the most part the piece really flowed nicely. It wasn't bogged down with large meaningless words, it seemed natural. But I saw a few parts where you interrupted that flow with things that really didn't belong in there. I would be happy to show you where I thought certain things didn't fit if you want me to. Usually I just point them out, but some people get pissed off when I show them things they could have done better, so yeah I kind of want to avoid conflict now. lol
"We must carry war into every corner the enemy happens to carry it, to his home, to his centers of entertainment:a total war. It is neccesary to prevent him from having a moment of peace, a quiet moment outside his barracks or even inside; we must attack him wherever he may be, make him feel like a cornered beast wherever he may move. then his moral fiber shall begin to decline, but we shall notice how signs of decadence begin to disappear."- Che Guevara

"shoot, coward, you are only going to kill a man"-Ernesto "Che" Guevara